


A Sort of Homecoming

by Dandesun



Category: One Life to Live
Genre: Angst and Humor, Blair has Issues, Blair went through a lot of crap too, Crazy Manning Clan, F/M, Family Dynamics, Romance, Todd has Issues, Todd has a lousy learning curve but it does exist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-29 10:18:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 78
Words: 243,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1004227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dandesun/pseuds/Dandesun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A retelling of Todd's return to Llanview in 2011. Todd reconnects with his family and works to reunite with Blair and his children.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I felt the need to rewrite Todd's initial return to Llanview in 2011 and I've been working on this for awhile. I changed a number of things, some of them minor, some major. First off, I'm condensing some things and you'll see that as you read. Second, Jack didn't accidentally kill Gigi. That was a horrible story move in the first place and I have no use for it. Jack did bully Shane and he made the entrapment attempt but was caught and is on probation. Third, Tomas is actually an effective operative in this. One more thing: Dani is a year younger than Jack. No more of this bullshit where she's older. Jack's a sophmore, Dani's a freshman and Starr is in her second year of college.
> 
> Other alterations include: A) Rex is not a Buchanan. I never did like that particular plot twist so it goes away. Who are his parents? Who cares? B) The Big Paternity Switch? Fuck that. Jess’ baby was Brody’s and Nat’s baby was John’s. Jess and Brody are together. THERE IS NO FORD IN THAT MIX. And while John and Nat are currently estranged because he’s annoyed that she lied about sleeping with Brody I’m sure things will work out for them soon enough, even if that isn't detailed in this story. I think that’s all the explanation needed to continue.
> 
> This is mainly about Todd and Blair and their family. Other characters show up here and there... some of the Cramer women, Cord and Tina, Victor and Tea. But it's really a focus on Todd's return to his family and also a major focus on Blair and what she's been through during his absence and before. When it comes down to it, fanfiction really is about exploring the characters and relationships you love, or that interest you that the show never devoted the time to.  
> So that's what this is. There will be some mature chapters later on so be warned.

“My sister is stubborn on a good day, she refuses to accept the concept that Victor is trouble.”

“Perhaps she enjoys that aspect of him? You missed a fairly large chunk of her life, my friend, you cannot know the things she prefers based on when she was a little girl.”

“Have you still got your ear to the ground?”

“The regular avenues are not going to work this time. I am using all my resources and all I can say for sure is that something is brewing. I fear it is too late to attempt an extraction at this time. The most you can hope for is to stop what is likely to occur and that means you have to be unavailable to all while you shadow Victor.”

“Which is why I’m currently camped out here. My son is going to be less than thrilled with me.”

“You have time yet with him. Victor’s moments are numbered.”

“I’ve got something... comm down.”

===========================================

Victor rolled his eyes as he left the message on Shawn’s voicemail. He didn’t think anything Blair had to say was worth listening to but if he didn’t at least go through the motions he’d never hear the end of it. It wasn’t as if she was concerned about him anyway. All she cared about was Todd. He tried to feel bad about that... or about the concept that when he was Todd she should have been most concerned about him.

Blair had made her choice at the premiere. She never said anything but he knew she had missed the original face even when she professed her love to him. But in the recent years, their connection had dissipated. His connection to Todd’s memories had dissipated. Perhaps it was the execution that broke the programming because after that things started changing, slowly at first, and then more quickly in recent years.

Victor truly did not feel a connection to Todd’s life the way he once had. Tea had been right... they had a future together full of possibilities that didn’t hinge on anything regarding Todd Manning.

That noise behind him caught his attention again. He turned to look into the cold eyes of Agent Baker. Baker’s arm rose swiftly and pointed a 9mm pistol at Victor’s chest.

The wet sound of flesh being ripped through... then again... seemed to echo through the foyer.

Victor watched in stunned silence as Baker crumpled to the floor, a pool of blood spreading out from under his body, lifeless eyes staring into nothing. He stepped forward and kicked the gun from Baker’s hand then looked up towards the open doorway and out into the rain. Moments turned into minutes and suddenly, Tomas appeared in the doorway, two handguns at the ready and a rifle strapped to his back. 

“Step away from the body,” he ordered, moving swiftly in and making a quick sweep of the foyer and living room. Victor stepped back as Tomas holstered one weapon and bent down to check Baker’s pulse. He straightened and raised one hand to his ear. “Comm up. Baker is down as is his back-up. We need a clean up crew. And someone needs to find Todd and Irene Manning.”

Tomas looked at Victor and held up two fingers. “That’s twice I’ve saved your ass now.”

================================================

Blair tried to calm herself as she drove through the rain up Llantano Mountain. She glanced at the gun sitting in the passenger seat and tried to wipe the image of the very dead Irene from her mind. There were more important things to deal with right now and the absolute top of her list was finding Todd.

She had already been heading to Viki’s cabin when her phone had sputtered to life with a brief blip from the land-line there. It could only have been Todd and she brushed the back of her hand against her forehead in anxiety as she maneuvered her way up the mountain roads in the downpour.

There was no car in the driveway but Blair didn’t let that deter her. Knowing Todd, he probably ditched it somewhere nearby and made the rest of the way to the cabin on foot. She leapt out of the car and tore into the house to find Todd lying on the floor, lifeless, in a pool of blood.

“Oh God,” she cried, rushing over to him. “Oh God, no... Todd!!”

===================================================

Tea nestled safely in Victor’s arms and just listened to his heartbeat. She had no idea how much time had passed since she got home to find the grisly scene and her husband and brother right in the thick of it. She didn’t much care as she held onto Victor. So close... she had come so close to losing him. Tomas had been infuriatingly sparse in regards to giving any information. The hardware he was packing was impressive, though. Danielle was tucked under his other arm as they sat quietly on the couch in the living room. Once forensics had given them the okay, they pushed the couch away from Baker’s body and camped out there waiting for further news.

Baker’s body as well as the two other men that had been a part of his team had already been taken off the premises. The large stain he had left behind, however, was difficult to look away from. Tea shuddered thinking how close they all came to that stain being all that was left of Victor. She held him tighter, squeezing her eyes shut, and he dropped a kiss on her head seeming to understand her turmoil.

He was unusually quiet, simply watching Tomas standing sentinel in the doorway. Tea wondered if he was trying to come up with a way to thank her brother without it being obvious.

John McBain came striding through the door, taking in everything with a quick cursory glance around the room. “Exciting night,” he said dryly. He looked at Victor. “You okay?”

Victor nodded shortly.

“Well, assassination attempts and setting up safehouses has required me to be elsewhere until now. Starr, Jack, Sam and Hope are all at home with three of my best guys on them although I doubt they’re targets at the moment.” John considered the spot where Baker had died. “Irene Manning is dead.”

Victor and Tea started at that. Tomas inclined his chin slightly out of interest.

“Dead how?” Victor asked.

“Shot in the chest with her own gun and bled out,” John replied, almost cheerfully. “I even have an eyewitness to what happened. He’s tucked safely away until further notice. Now, I have a question for everyone here. Has anyone seen or heard from Todd Manning?”

Eyes met eyes at everyone silently tried to gauge the reactions of everyone else.

“Not since earlier today,” Tea said quietly. “We’re not exactly on the best of terms.”

“Did Todd kill my mother?” Victor asked.

“How about Blair,” John asked. “Anyone seen her lately?”

Again, eyes met eyes for a moment of quiet, mutual contemplation. Finally Tea sighed. “If Blair’s not with her kids then she’s either looking for Todd or she’s with him.”


	2. Chapter 2

Blair scowled darkly at the floor of the cabin. It just figured that Viki would have absolutely no alcohol to speak of but every cleaning agent known to man. She scrubbed away at the blood on the floor until she knew she wasn’t going to get it any cleaner.

“I could really use a drink,” she muttered as she put the bucket and brush aside. “I could use a whole lot of them.”

“Me too,” a small voice replied from the couch.

Blair moved over to him and laid her hand on his forehead. A whisper of a smile touched his lips at her touch but she frowned. He was warm to the touch but still clammy. None of this was a good sign. Neither was the feverish argument Todd had engaged in with an Irene only he could see.

“I’d go get us some rum but you are definitely in no condition to be left alone.”

“You were gonna leave earlier,” Todd replied feebly.

Blair sighed and pulled up a rocking chair. “Even if I’d gone through with leaving, I wouldn’t have gone very far.”

Todd made a noise that Blair assumed was his weak attempt at a laugh in his condition. “I’m in trouble, Blair.”

“When aren’t you?” Blair sighed, propping her feet up on the coffee table. She was in for a long night. She was glad she’d been able to find some extra clothes upstairs for her and Todd. Both of theirs were bloody messes. And there were plenty of blankets in order to see the chillier mountain nights through. Blair didn’t expect anything too worrisome, temperature wise, unless it pertained to Todd.

She was very worried about him.

“I’m serious.”

“I know,” she reached over and patted his leg through the blanket she had tucked around him. “I know. We’ll get through it. We’ll figure it out.”

He focused on her, his gaze intense. “You’re really on my side,” he said wonderingly.

Her brow furrowed. “Of course I am, you idiot,” she snapped. She was getting tired of this crap. How much shit did she have to swallow? How many times did she have to roll over and forgive for Todd to get it? She had just saved his life and dug a bullet out of his body, for God’s sake. “If you haven’t figured it out by now...”

“Easy there...” Todd murmured. “Didn’t mean to make you mad.”

“As if you have to try.”

“True,” that feeble laugh sound came out of him again. “My girl’s always been sharp angles and over-sensitive. A lot like me. Probably why we’re so perfect together.”

Blair blinked back tears and watched as Todd drifted off again. She wished she knew if he even meant what he said... or if he was aware of what he said... because every moment in his presence reminded her of where her heart truly lay. There was no cycle to break. She would always and only truly love Todd Manning.

================================================

“Can we go over it again, Louie?” John asked. He knew he was pushing it but he wanted to make absolutely certain that Louie’s story was accurate. He’d hidden the homeless man away in a safe house. Louie was probably happy to have a roof over his head, a warm bed and some regular meals but even with all of that, John could tell he was getting tired of this repetition.

“He gave me the gun,” Louie said slowly, as if he were talking to a child. “I told him about your guns for cash program and asked if he’d give me the gun so he did. He talked a little about the things he was going through and then he wished me a good evening, reminded me to take the gun straight to you, and headed off.

“Except I didn’t get very far. I heard another voice when I turned the corner so I went around the alley to come out the other side and see what was going on.”

“And what did you see?”

“Red-haired lady, older,” Louie laughed. “Maybe about as older as me, you know what I’m saying?”

John smiled. He always did like Louie.

“She was saying something about how his brother was dead and the only question that remained was if he was going to die, too, or go down for killing the brother.” Louie scratched his head. “Manning asked her what she wanted from him... why she kept doing this... and she said that he wouldn’t give her what he wanted. Manning got real hot about that. Practically screamed at her that she kept him locked up and tortured him for eight years for some phantom item that he didn’t even know about.” Louie paused.

“Go ahead, Louie, what then?”

“I was just thinking,” Louie said quietly. “It just reminded me of some of the boys that came back from the war... much later. The POWs that got shut up some place... tortured... beaten... starved... It doesn’t sit right with me that was done to our own. On our own soil. That ain’t right.”

“No,” John agreed quietly. “It’s not.” There was a lot to deal with in regards to this whole situation. For one thing, the guy he had always thought was Manning wasn’t that man. The replacement didn’t seem to be much better than the original as far as deeds done but even with all of that John had major issues with what had been done to Todd. He had been Bureau once and the thought of CIA taking matters into their own hands in regards to US citizens on US soil and locking them away didn’t sit well with him either. “Go on, Louie, the clearer I am on what went down that night the better.”

“They went back and forth on that for a while. She didn’t believe he didn’t know what she was talking about. He couldn’t believe she didn’t believe him... finally said something about how if he had known what she wanted he would have told her ages ago so he’d either have been let go to come home to his family or put out of his misery. She finally laughed and said she wanted the chip.”

“The chip,” John nodded. Louie had mentioned this in every retelling of what he had witnessed. The question was... what chip?

“Yeah, that’s right. Manning didn’t seem to know what she was talking about. After a few minutes of that, him denying, her not believing, she finally said that if he didn’t know how to get what she wanted then he was no use to her. That’s when she shot him.”

Louie sighed heavily. “She didn’t kill him, though. He was on the ground, clutching his shoulder and she walked over to him real slow like. I was getting ready to shoot her myself... I was thinking I had to do something. But he kicked her legs out from under her and they both went for the gun. I’m thinking he could have disarmed her easy but with that wound, and it was bleeding pretty bad, he was definitely not at his best. Hell, I wouldn’t even say he was at his best before he got shot... man looks like he’s been through a wringer for a long time.

“Anyway, they struggled and the gun went off. She went down and he looked... surprised... not quite there... stunned.” Louie frowned in remembrance. “He backed into one of the crates and it snapped him out of... whatever he was in. I’ve seen that look before, McBain. That look he had... I’ve seen it in boys on the other side of the world. That Manning needs help. Bad.”

John nodded. “Keep going, Louie.”

“He looked around like he wasn’t sure what happened... saw the woman on the ground, moved towards her like he was ready to run if she twitched... then checked her pulse and realized she was dead. That’s when he realized he was holding the gun. He dropped it like was on fire and then took off.”

“What about the gun he gave you, Louie?” John prompted. “What happened to it?”

“Well, I was catching my own breath when I heard someone running and that’s when she showed up.”

“Describe her, please.”

“Tall woman. Skinny. Very pretty. She was calling for Todd. She saw the woman and just about lost it. She started screaming Manning’s name. I... I was afraid she was going to call some bad attention to herself making all that noise so I stepped out. She sure wasn’t happy to see me at first, looked wary and asked me if I killed the woman. I said no and she pointed to the gun I had... I held it out to her, holding it by the barrel and she recognized it. She demanded I give _her_ gun back to her. I said I was turning it in for cash. She wanted to know who gave it to me. I wasn’t too keen on giving up anything but she gave me this _look_ and said that her ex-husband stole that gun from her house and if I didn’t give it back to her I’d be sorry.”

John smiled lightly. It sounded like Blair to him. “So what did you do?”

“I said I didn’t want any trouble and gave her the gun. Then she gave me $200 and asked if I knew what happened. I wasn’t sure where to start but she asked if I’d seen Todd and I told her that he ran off and pointed the way. She went after him immediately.”

“She didn’t ask about the dead woman after that?”

“She seemed far more interested in Manning’s whereabouts but she did tell me to call the cops as she left. Which I did. And that’s when I called you.”

John nodded. “Okay Louie. Thanks for going through it again. I’d like you to hang out here for a little longer if that’s all right.”

Louie shrugged. “That’s fine. That’s fine. For now... can’t stay gone too long or things pass by.”

“Yeah,” John nodded again. “I guess they do.”

=======================================================

“Bless your beautiful hide,” Blair sang to herself as she rinsed out a washcloth in the sink. “Wherever you may be. I don’t know your name but I’m a-stakin’ my claim, you’re the gal for meeee.”

“What the hell are you singing?” Todd asked, his voice irritated and still weary.

“Oh, sorry,” Blair came over to check on him. His fever was still up. Luckily, Tea would be there soon with the antibiotics that Dorian had prescribed. “That movie was on the other night and the songs are in my head.”

“What movie is that?”

“ _Seven Brides for Seven Brothers_.”

“Sounds like a recipe for disaster.”

“Oh, you’d like it. It’s about a bunch of boorish, asshole men and the women who love them anyway.”

“Tell you what,” Todd let his head fall back on the cushions Blair fluffed for him. “If I make it through this we’ll watch it together.”

“Well, you’re going to make it through this,” Blair assured him. “And if that’s the deal you’re making, I want you to watch it without snorting constantly the way you do through any movie that doesn’t involve ridiculous amounts of blood or fart jokes.”

That faint smile touched his lips again. “Deal.”

================================================

John watched Victor for several moments. He couldn’t imagine that the man was going to be remotely helpful. There was some mysterious chip somewhere that was worth killing and dying over and if Manning himself didn’t know where it was then there was the definite possibility that Victor might. He had infiltrated Manning’s entire life, after all.

The problem was that Manning’s return effectively changed Victor’s life and it wasn’t necessarily for the better. Victor was living off of Manning’s money and had already dug his feet in about holding onto everything. So John couldn’t imagine that Victor was going to be forthcoming about anything he knew that might jeopardize the life he’d created.

Tea did not seem to John to be a very good option. She might be interested in finding a solution to their situation but, at the same time, she was protective of her husband and a defense lawyer. She wasn’t likely to participate in anything that would go against his interests.

John was frustrated by Blair and Todd’s disappearance but Blair was not likely to abandon her children and Starr had already informed him that she had spoken to her mother. The young woman stubbornly refused to reveal anything else. John was getting really sick of the whole family. Apparently, Blair’s behavior while they were involved was the exception rather than the rule and even then she got secretive, stubborn and manipulative at times.

It left John with precious little to work with and the only option he could see was Tomas Delgado. Tomas had no love of Victor so he wasn’t likely to protect him. However, his interest in Blair might prove to be an issue. Still, it was a better choice than the others. Given Tomas’ own history with the CIA it was likely he’d have some insight and he had certainly been eager to go against his former employers in dragging Irene out into the light. Still, the CIA and the FBI were natural adversaries. John may not be considered a current agent and Tomas’ status wasn’t exactly clear but they did come from two opposing forces.

Yet, it wasn’t a rift that was unable to be bridged. John moved towards Tomas who was sitting at the dining room table and nodded at him.

Tomas got John’s wordless request immediately and stood up. They retreated to the back yard by the pool and Tomas waited for John to start.

“There’s some item of importance that Manning apparently had in his possession that Irene wanted. Do you know anything about it?”

“An item?” Tomas shrugged. “My involvement in Todd’s handling was based on falsified information that he was funding terrorists. Are we talking about records of that nature or something else?”

John shook his head. “A chip.”

“A chip,” Tomas frowned. “Is that all?”

“It’s what I have right now. A chip. A chip that Irene was so desperate to get a hold of that she falsified records to unlawfully imprison Manning. I’m not even going to go down the number of laws that were broken in that act alone.”

Tomas rolled his eyes. “Save your convenient morality for someone else, McBain. I’m not going to apologize to you for the things I’ve done.”

“Have you apologized to Blair?”

“That’s between me and Blair.”

“And where _is_ Blair?” John asked. “Has she contacted you since yesterday?”

“Weren’t you asking me about a chip?”

Which meant ‘no.’ John had a feeling that whatever progress Tomas had made with Blair had come screeching to a halt upon Manning revealing himself at the premiere. And laying a scorching kiss on Blair while doing so. John almost felt sorry for the guy until he recalled the sorry state of his own love life and then _did_ legitimately feel for him. “Any ideas?”

“On what’s on it? I can speculate that it’s information. Information worth killing over. It’s likely a microchip of some kind. It could look like just about anything but it would probably be fairly small. If Manning had it then Victor would have had access to it but since Irene was still torturing Todd over it then clearly Victor didn’t know how to get it.”

“Or he didn’t know that Irene was looking for it,” John replied. “Victor may be a bit of a loose cannon but it seems he disappeared so completely into the role he played that he wasn’t any real use to Irene, either.”

“He’s still unstable which is what makes him so dangerous... at least it did to Irene. What’s left of her organization is questionable but I would imagine that finding that chip would be the best way to dismantle it completely.”

“Well, you live here,” John pointed out. “Maybe you can keep your eyes open.”

Tomas’ expression didn’t change but there was a glimmer of interest in his eyes. “What are you suggesting, McBain?”

“Don’t be coy, Delgado. I’ve told you what Irene’s been looking for. What you do with that is up to you.”

“With the unspoken expectation that I’ll bring anything I find to you,” Tomas confirmed.

“I guess we understand each other.”


	3. Chapter 3

Tea Delgado felt awkward, silly and unnecessary.

She had walked into the cabin to find Todd and Blair just a breath away from a kiss. Now, Blair was bustling about the room, making sure that Todd had taken his first dose of medication, and trying to act casual. For Blair, that meant the exact opposite. She was flustered, flushed and frenetic.

Todd, meanwhile, watched Blair with a slight smile the whole time.

Tea felt more than a little foolish. It was like the days when she and Todd were together and yet Blair was always a part of his life, usually by his own insistence, and she felt like the third wheel in her own marriage. She wondered how she could have possibly thought that Victor was Todd. _Well, Victor fooled everyone else, too._ Maybe she didn’t feel as bad as all that.

She had filled Blair and Todd in on the events at her house. Tomas killing Baker who had come to kill Victor was a huge deal and Todd actually smiled at that.

Blair frowned.

Tea felt she should be more indignant about what she had walked in on for her brother’s sake but it was hard to be that upset. It was Blair. It was Todd. The _real_ Todd. She sighed inwardly. Not so very long ago she had felt such triumph and vindication at the fact that Todd had chosen _her_.

But he wasn’t Todd.

And sitting here now with a bandaged Todd on the sofa looking sweaty and clammy and stubbly and still keeping his hawkish eyes on Blair no matter where she went she realized what a wretched mess their relationship had been. He’d been fairly clear on it since his return. He’d even apologized for the way he treated her when they were together. As his eyes followed Blair, Tea could see the longing in his eyes; the longing for Blair that had always been there for as long as she had known him.

She had tried to warn Tomas after the movie premiere. He had boldly claimed that Blair wanted to move forward with him but Tea suspected Blair had made that statement before she knew that her Todd was really back.

_Her Todd_. It still stung but it was strange how it didn’t hurt as much as she expected. _I really love Victor_. Now she had to figure out her life and her love without Todd being the center of it. Victor wasn’t the only one who had a whole new unexplored frontier ahead of him. She pushed it all aside and focused on things she did understand, like the law.

“As you can imagine, the police are looking for you,” Tea said to Todd.

“They must not be looking very hard,” Todd replied, reluctantly tearing his eyes away from the object of his affection. “It’s not like this is some secret cabin owned by my secret sister.”

_He never did take things regarding the law very seriously_. “There’s a lot to clean up in town before a full on search is implemented,” Tea stood up seeing no real reason to stay. “And I guess they aren’t too worried about you skipping town after you just got back. If you’re even remotely interested in taking my legal advice, turn yourself in. The mitigating circumstances surrounding Irene’s death can only work in your favor.”

“Did you forget who you were talking to?” 

“Not for a second,” Tea looked at Blair. “Try to talk some sense into him. He might actually listen to you.”

Blair’s expression was skeptical before she asked. “How are the kids?”

“They’re fine. No moves were made on them last night. It seemed that Victor was the only target.” An involuntary shudder ran down Tea’s spine as she was reminded of how close she’d come to losing him. She’d already come so close too many times. “Starr’s got things taken care of at home,” Tea grinned. “She takes after her parents.”

“How’s Jack?”

“He takes after his parents too... just in a different way.”

“Sam? Hope?”

“His brother and sister are looking out for him. And Hope is just fine. I’m sure she barely even knows what’s going on.”

Blair walked Tea out and came back in to sit down.

“Have I told you yet how bizarre it is that you two get along?”

“I suppose it is.”

“How’d that even happen?”

“I’m a fucking saint is how it happened,” Blair leaned her head against the back of the rocking chair and closed her eyes. “I don’t want to get into it.”

“Why?”

“Because it opens up a lot of things that I _do not want_ to talk about.”

“Blair,” Todd watched her for a moment. “What happened while I was gone?”

“Get some rest, Todd,” Blair sighed. “You need it.”

Todd stared silently at her, trying to get her to open her eyes and look at him. He wanted to see her expression and know what she was thinking the way he used to. She kept her eyes closed and he laid his head back onto the cushions. There would be time enough for explanations later. He closed his eyes and let sleep claim him again.

Time enough soon.

==================================================

Soon was a word that Todd would have to revisit. A week had passed and he hadn’t been able to really sit down and talk to Blair about anything. The most he’d gotten was an impassioned plea from her in court to step up and own what he did to Irene.

He had argued that if he confessed to killing her he would lose everything he fought to come home to.

She had grabbed a hold of his hand and promised him he wouldn’t.

Todd had been exonerated due to mitigating circumstances. Delgado had done her job well. Nora had looked sick with each passing moment. Even after all this time, Nora wanted nothing more than to imprison him for life. So much for eight years of torture meaning anything to certain people in town. Todd should have known better than to think he might catch a break.

He was sitting at Viki’s kitchen table with a lawyer that Blair had hired for him. The lawyer, one Cybil Claremont by name, was actually very sharp, going over Todd’s identity case with a fine tooth comb and drilling him on everything he knew about from his time in Irene’s care to when he got out. “Your records are a mess,” she remarked. “There are holes that clearly weren’t there before you disappeared.”

Todd felt depressed. His life had been stolen from him and there were nothing but obstacles in his way.

“Mr. Manning, this is going to be a fight,” Cybil told him. “But it’s a fight I am fully committed to winning. Because of your absence I’m going to have to discuss certain aspects of your missing years with those who were actually here. I believe I’ll be able to put together a plan of attack from there.”

“Okay,” Todd heaved a sigh as Viki came into the room. “Just keep me updated.”

“Will do,” Cybil stood up. “I’m also filing a motion to freeze the accounts so that Mr. Lord can’t start moving funds anywhere,” she turned her attention to Viki. “Ms. Lord, may I make an appointment with you in regards to the eight years that Mr. Manning was missing and replaced by his brother?”

“Certainly,” Viki nodded. “Whatever I can do to help.”

The two women consulted their schedules and were able to agree on the next morning. With that, Cybil excused herself, gathered her things and left the house.

Todd scrubbed at his eyes with his fingers. He needed to talk to Blair. He needed to see her and hear her voice and know that she was on his side. He looked up as Viki sat down across from him in Cybil’s vacated seat. “Hey.”

“Well, how is it going with the lawyer?”

“It’s going to be a fight,” Todd sighed. “She’s gathering intel.”

Viki nodded. “So it would seem.” She paused. “Is there any way that you might be talked into a reasonable resolution to this?”

“What’s reasonable?” Todd asked suspiciously.

The clip clop of Tina’s shoes announced her arrival and her unwanted opinion on matters. “Dividing things equally of course!”

Todd sent a vile look towards his sister. “None of it was left to you in the first place and you are entitled to _nothing_!”

“I’m just as much Victor Lord’s daughter as you are,” Tina insisted huffily. “Why shouldn’t his money be mine?”

“Take it up with your mother, then,” Todd hissed.

“Well, I can’t very well do _that_ ,” Tina rolled her eyes. “You fixed that, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I fixed that,” Todd snarled. “I fixed that after that bitch held me captive, tortured me for eight years, replaced me in my own life and tried to kill me. What the hell are _you_ so upset about anyway? She pawned you off and pretended to die to get rid of you!”

Tina shrugged but a flash of hurt reflected in her eyes. “You think I don’t know that?”

“Face it,” Todd stood up and went over to the refrigerator, yanking it open to browse inside for something to eat. “Our parents were monsters.”

“All the more reason for us to band together!” Tina insisted. “To come together and share equally in the pain and the misfortune...”

“And the fortune?” Todd snapped. “That’s what it all comes down to with you, doesn’t it? Like you ever gave a damn about me. You only cared about my money!”

“Well, I guess I have something in common with that whore you’re so in love with,” Tina shot back.

Viki winced as Todd slammed the refrigerator door shut. This was veering well out of control.

“Blair Cramer cares about a hell of a lot more than just my money,” he growled. “And she’s a thousand times the woman you are, too. Cord got that... and that’s what really galls you, doesn’t it? You hate that Cord was in love with her and she got her mits on my money when you couldn’t scrape enough together to bleach your hair.” He gave Tina a once over. “By the way, the red hair looks better on you anyway.”

“Oh,” Tina preened. “Thank you.” Her demeanor shifted immediately. “And Cord doesn’t love that woman!”

“Not since I got her right from under his nose,” Todd boasted. “But don’t think for a second he doesn’t still care. And Blair doesn’t give a crap about money these days,” Todd wasn’t exactly sure of that but even when he was lurking around town she didn’t seem at all concerned with money. And she was hanging out with Tomas Delgado who was not exactly rolling in it. “Bet you anything Cord would find that a welcome relief. If you’re not careful, Sis, he might get a gander at her and wonder if there’s any sparks left.”

Tina turned bright red. “You might worry about that yourself!” She turned on her heel and stomped out of the kitchen.

“Can you believe her?” Todd asked Viki.

Viki wondered what she was thinking harboring dreams of all her siblings being together again. Five minutes with Todd and Tina’s bickering and she was ready to move to Bali and get away from it all. They were as bad as Natalie and Jessica at their worst. “I think you were both behaving like children.”

“Oh, whatever,” Todd scoffed. “All she did was confirm what I wanted anyway. My entire life was taken from me and I am getting all of it back. All of it. My newspaper. My kids. And especially Blair!”

Viki blinked. “Blair?”

Todd seemed taken aback at her surprise. “Yes, Blair! What did you think?”

“Well,” Viki hedged. “Tea’s been the prime focus...”

“For _Victor_ ,” Todd interrupted pointedly. “Hell, that should have tipped people off.”

“You and Blair were divorced when you disappeared.”

“That was probably a bad idea.”

“You two hurt each other a lot.”

“Well, what couple doesn’t have their ups and downs?”

“There’s a lot of bad history.”

Todd gave his sister a calculating look. “Are you trying to talk me out of being with Blair?”

“I’m just pointing out facts,” Viki said.

“All the bad facts,” Todd raised an eyebrow at her. “You must want me to go fight Victor for Tea’s hand or something.”

“I didn’t say that,” Viki hedged.

“You didn’t have to,” Todd shook his head. “Tea’s not the one that kept me alive. Tea’s not the one I fought to get back to. All that is Blair. _Blair_.” He sighed. “I thought about her every day when we were apart. It’s a difficult thing to miss a woman. And I was so afraid that I had been forgotten but when I came back and I kissed her at the premiere... she _remembered_ , I _know_ she did.” He glanced up at Viki. Her expression was warm as she listened to him. “When we were up in the cabin... she saved my life. She did. If it hadn’t been for Blair I would have bled all over your kitschy over-stuffed couch.”

Viki rolled her eyes in amusement.

“And when we were together...” Todd got a faraway look in his eye. “There’s something between us. There is. We _both_ felt it.”

“I thought she was involved with Tomas Delgado,” Viki pointed out.

Todd’s dismissive expression made it clear what he thought of that. “Well... things change.”

=====================================================

If Victor had resented Blair’s family when they were together, it was nothing compared to the resentment he felt for Tea’s brother. Tomas Delgado was a thorn in his side and had been from the moment he set foot in Llanview.

Truth be told, Victor harbored a great deal of resentment towards Blair for being the reason Tomas showed up in town at all. If she hadn’t gone looking for answers about that stupid painting then he would still be Todd Manning. As far as he was concerned, Blair ruined everything by being the nosy little bitch she always was.

Why had he ever thought he loved her?

He didn’t, he reminded himself. That was Todd who loved her. Not him. Oh, sure, she was hot and good for a roll in the hay every now and then but when it came down to it, once Todd’s persona began to fade away he was left wanting more. Blair didn’t like it rough the way Tea did. Tea loved fighting and it turned him on, too. To Blair, fighting was _fighting_. It wasn’t foreplay the way it was for him and Tea. Blair wasn’t accommodating enough. She didn’t roll over when he wanted her to, she didn’t excuse him when he did the wrong thing, and she wasn’t crazy about angry, rough sex.

And when had she become such an icy bitch anyway? Blair just looked through him anymore and if she wasn’t doing that then there was a significant amount of animosity in her eyes. She didn’t much give a damn about him. Her concern was Todd. Her precious Todd.

Not him.

It rankled him, he had to admit it. As long as he was Todd, Blair would always give him significance but now?

He glanced over at Tomas who was sketching on the couch. “Have you talked to Blair lately?”

Tomas only paused briefly in his work. “No, she’s been avoiding me.”

Victor found that somewhat gratifying. Tomas annoyed him, particularly because he had saved his life twice now, so he didn’t want Tomas to be happy. It was just a shame that Dani and Tea didn’t agree with that. “So what are you going to do about it?”

“Give her some time.”

Victor snorted. “Yeah, good idea, if you want to lose her completely.”

Tomas stopped what he was doing and leveled a look at Victor. “And you care why?”

“I don’t,” Victor shrugged. He didn’t like it when Tomas looked at him like that. It was the expression Victor had taken to calling The Sniper Look because it made him think of Tomas’ ability to take someone out with a high-powered rifle at long range. Sure, it saved his life but Victor had the distinct feeling that Tomas would point that rifle at him if he thought he could get away with it.

It was Tomas’ turn to snort. “Whatever you say,” he went back to his work.

“You think Todd’s just waiting around and giving her time?”

“She was done with Todd,” Tomas pointed out.

“She was done with _me_ ,” Victor corrected. “When you outed me and Todd showed up that wiped everything out. And she may have been done with Todd when you spirited him off to Irene’s twisted version of Neverland but I was able to win her back as Todd. The real thing can do it, too.”

“Yeah, you really sound like a guy who doesn’t care.”

“Hey, maybe I’m just thinking that if you’re with Blair then you’re out of my hair for awhile.”

“It’s always about you, isn’t it?” Tomas’ mouth turned up into a sardonic grin. “Nice to know that hasn’t changed since the big reveal.” He shook his head slightly and kept drawing. He enjoyed the fact that Victor didn’t like it and he intended to keep right on doing it. The more agitated he got, the more likely he’d slip up or storm out and either one was right for Tomas’ interest in digging around.

He still had a microchip to find.


	4. Chapter 4

Blair had a splitting headache.

Jack was still chafing under his restrictions after his role in bullying Shane came out. The unfortunate attempt to gaslight the other boy into an abandoned house for the night hadn’t exactly made things easier. Jack resented everyone and everything and, currently, was taking it all out on her.

Blair recognized that her son was scared. She knew the way her kids lashed out and she took what Jack piled onto her and did her best to remain calm. His words were hurtful, though, and combined with everything else that was going on the tension was too much to deal with. She felt like one gigantic knot and her head throbbed painfully.

When the doorbell rang she considered ignoring it. She slowly got to her feet anyway. It did no good to try to ignore the world, it always came calling one way or the other.

Todd was at the door looking hopeful.

“Hey,” she said wearily.

He took her in for a moment. “Headache?”

She wanted to cry. He knew her so well and it continued to astonish her that she could think Victor was Todd for so long. She nodded and lumbered back into the living room to ease herself onto the sofa again.

Todd followed her and watched the grimace on her face. “Bad one, huh?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “I want so badly to cry right now but I know that will just make it worse.”

“Hold on,” Todd told her and turned on his heel to bound up the stairs. Once he got there he bellowed Jack’s name as he roamed the halls. Once... twice... the third time, Jack poked his head out of his door.

He glared at Todd angrily. “What the hell do _you_ want?”

“Your mother’s got a headache.”

“Yeah? Is yelling your brilliant solution then?”

He was definitely a smart-ass just like his old man. Todd almost preened but stuck to the matter at hand. “Look, I know you play soccer so you must have some Ben-Gay.”

“So what if I do?”

“Let me have it.”

Jack stared at him.

“It’s for your mother,” Todd explained.

“Hey, I don’t want to know about whatever kinky crap you two get up to. And leave my Mom alone anyway!”

“It’s for her headache!!”

Jack’s scowl increased. “Fine.” He went into his bathroom and came back out, tossing the tube at Todd who deftly caught it with one hand.

“Good,” Todd reached in and grabbed Jack by the shirt. “Now come on.”

“What the hell?”

Todd dragged his son downstairs and nudged him towards the kitchen. “Go make your Mom some tea.”

“Yeah right!” Jack hissed. “Why?”

“Because it’s for your Mom,” Todd shot back. “You got a glimpse of Irene. Do you even realize how good you’ve got it in the Mom department? She’s hurting right now so do something nice for her and make her some damn tea!”

Jack stomped into the kitchen and began loudly clattering around as he worked on boiling the noisiest kettle of water in history.

Todd went into the living room again to find Blair giving him a suspicious look through one bleary eye. “What?”

“What are you up to?”

“Helping you out,” Todd replied, rubbing some Ben-Gay into his hands and motioning her to sit up. When she did so, he let his hands knead the base of her skull and then rubbed the lotion into her temples before putting more on and just gently working it into her neck. The smell was strong but it was a headache remedy Todd had come up with years ago that actually seemed to work. He never knew if it was the lotion’s ability to relax muscles or the scent but it did make really bad headaches go away.

Blair sighed softly. It was a strange remedy but it had always worked. How strange that she had forgotten it over the years. Todd quietly massaging the base of her skill was something she hadn’t missed until just that moment. He worked on her for a few minutes and she felt herself relaxing. The headache was still there but the pain wasn’t so debilitating. She felt like she could relax and get some sleep until it went away.

Jack came in with a tray. The teapot, a cup and some honey were situated on it and Todd nodded for him to put it on the end table. He eased himself off the couch and fluffed some pillows for Blair to lay down on as Jack poured a cup of tea.

A slight smile touched Blair’s face as she watched Todd and Jack quietly go about their work. Her smile widened as Jack handed her the tea and she whispered a thank you to him. Todd shooed Jack out of the room and closed the doors behind him, winking at Blair as he did so.

She settled back and let her eyes shut as she drifted off into a much needed nap.

=============================================

“So who takes care of your mom?” Todd asked when he and Jack went back into the kitchen.

“Mom takes care of everyone,” Jack shrugged.

“And what about this house full of women? Where’s the Cramer Coven at?”

Jack found himself mildly enjoying Todd’s irreverent way of referencing the distaff side of his family. He wondered if he should put a stop to the conversation but Todd pulled out two sodas from the fridge and slid one to him across the counter. “Dorian’s a senator now.”

Todd nodded. “That’s right. Is it really true she’s married to David Vickers?”

“Yeah,” Jack replied. “He’s filming a movie in Sweden, I think.”

“When I disappeared, they hated each other.”

“I was still little when they got together,” Jack shrugged. “But one of my first real memories is Mom slugging Vickers right in the jaw.”

“Really?” Todd grinned. “That’s my girl. Bet she’s still got a hell of a hook too.” He took a drink of his soda. “You know, I taught her that.”

“She ever slug you?”

Todd nodded. “She sure did.”

Jack watched as Todd’s eyes softened at the memory. Then he caught Jack watching him and ducked his head. 

“What about the rest of the Cramers? Is Cassie still in Savannah?”

“Yeah. River’s in Julliard. Kelly just went back to London with Joey.”

“Oh, it’s back to Joey?” Todd snickered. “How soon before she jumps on Kevin again?”

“That’s not even the half of it,” Jack snorted. “She’s got a kid, Zane, and he--”

“She named her kid _Zane_?!” Todd shook his head. “Oh... hell, she named him after that Western writer guy, didn’t she? Which Buchanan did she have the kid with?”

“Duke.”

Jack forgot all of his animosity at Todd’s arrival shaking up his life when the horrified expression of realization settled on Todd’s face. It was so rare he got to be the one to deliver shocking and surprising news and he reveled in the moment.

“Are you kidding me?!” Todd demanded.

Jack shook his head.

“Kelly had a baby with Kevin’s _kid_? The one she helped _raise_?!” Todd shuddered. “Let me tell you, Jack, that girl has always been the freakiest one. And not in a good way.”

“Is it true she killed Mom’s baby?”

Todd sobered at that. He stared down at the can of soda in his hand, remembering that night when Blair came so close to dying, and how he had foolishly thrown her away because he feared Dorian. That night... he would hate Kelly forever for that night. “Yes.”

Jack took in Todd’s stony countenance. “Mom doesn’t talk about it, either.”

“Your Mom doesn’t like talking about things that hurt her,” Todd nodded. “She doesn’t like it when people think she’s weak.”

“Why did you give me away?” Jack blurted out. He hadn’t meant to. But the way the discussion turned it came burbling up into his mind and he couldn’t help himself. If this was the real Todd Manning then he would have a real answer.

“Because I was stupid and selfish and cruel,” he responded without hesitation. His hazel eyes met Jack’s unwaveringly. “It was the worst thing I’ve ever done to your mother and there is a litany of things I’ve done... to her.. to others that are pretty awful. That was the worst thing I’ve ever done to her and I regretted it the second it I did it.”

“Why didn’t you fix it then?!” Jack demanded. “Everything could have been better!”

Todd shook his head. “I was raised by a man who was not my biological father and he turned me into a monster. I was so afraid that I would do that to you... and Max,” he paused. “Have you ever met Max?”

Jack shook his head. “I was still little when he left town.”

“Lucky you,” Todd grumbled. “Max was a jerk. He was your mother’s first love and, because of that, she always had a soft spot for him and let him get away with treating her like shit.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Mom wouldn’t want you talking like that.”

“I’m sure you’ve heard worse.”

The boy shrugged. “Mom still wouldn’t like it.”

“Your mother can swear like a sailor.”

Jack grinned and Todd realized for the first time that his son had the same smile he did. He was struck speechless for a moment.

“Anyway, Max was a jerk and loved nothing more than to make your Mom miserable and me miserable. By that time, he wasn’t exactly living in the pink and he got his jollies by trying to come between your mother and me. I don’t think he cared much that Blair was allegedly pregnant with his kid... he was just happy that he could twist the knife in me.” Todd sighed. “Every time I was about to tell your Mom that I could try to be your father, Max would show up and start crowing about ‘My child! My baby! I have a connection with Blair now, Manning, and you can’t do anything about it!’” Todd thumped the counter with his fist.

“Sounds like a real jerk,” Jack agreed.

“Yeah. He was,” Todd looked his son in the eyes. “But that still doesn’t excuse what I did.”

Jack lifted his chin, seeming to remember he was supposed to hate his father. “That’s right. It doesn’t.” The walls went up again and Todd was suddenly struck by how much his son resembled Blair. “So, Mom’s having a nap. No reason for you to stick around, is there Scarface?” He turned on his heel and stalked out of the kitchen, stomping up the stairs.

Todd’s eyes followed the sound of his son’s angry footsteps through the ceiling until he heard a distant door slam. For some reason he felt hopeful. He’d had an actual conversation with his son and had seen the real Jack that was buried underneath the angry teenage bravado. Jack was confused and frustrated and uncertain what his path was. And Todd knew that he was really the only one who would be able to provide the answers.

Victor may know about Todd’s life but he didn’t live any of it and for all that Irene was able to transpose Todd’s memories she wasn’t able to get them all.

That was the key.

To everything.


	5. Chapter 5

Blair awoke slowly, her head fuzzy with that grogginess that comes from a deep sleep. She blinked and rubbed her face, her limbs felt heavy and she opened her mouth in a terrific yawn as she got her bearings.

“You still sleep like the dead,” Todd’s voice murmured from across the room.

She turned her head to see him sprawled casually in one of the chairs. His long legs were stretched out onto the ottoman and crossed at the ankle and he was reading a book. He glanced at her as she rolled onto her side and let her feet fall to the ground before sitting up.

“Good nap?”

She yawned again as she nodded. “What time is it?”

“Six.”

“Oh crap,” Blair leaned her elbows on her knees and shook her head slightly, trying to get rid of the cobwebs. “I need to get the kids dinner...”

“I ordered pizza,” Todd told her. “They’re all in the kitchen scarfing away and being noisy.”

Blair cocked her head. She did hear the muted sounds of her brood enjoying their meal in the other room. “Pizza’s usually a Friday night thing.”

Todd shrugged. “You needed the rest. You were sacked out. You didn’t even move. Except once when your leg twitched for like three minutes. Whose ass were you trying to kick?”

She smirked. “Yours maybe?”

“Not likely,” Todd grinned. “I have done anything to deserve an ass-kicking lately.”

“All in due time.”

“Ye of little faith,” Todd scoffed.

“I have enormous faith in you, Todd,” Blair replied smoothly. “And your ability to piss me off.”

“Well, that I _am_ good at,” he agreed. “But I’m pretty good at being good to you, too. Your headache’s gone, isn’t it?”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

“Hasn’t anyone been taking care of you, Blair?”

Blair stared at him, wide-eyed. “Wha-aat?”

“No, huh,” Todd continued, non-plussed. “I asked Jack and he said that you took care of everyone else. I have to say that didn’t surprise me. You used to take care of me when I was down and out and had nothing... actually, that’s kind of where I’m at right now, come to think of it. But I got to take care of you today which is really what I want to do.”

“I must still be asleep,” Blair muttered, pinching her arm. She winced then looked back at Todd. “What’s this all about?”

“I’m declaring my intentions,” Todd said proudly.

“Your intentions,” Blair pinched herself again.

“I am officially announcing to you that I am courting you.”

Blair just stared.

“Good,” Todd nodded. “You don’t object. Courtship is a go.” He tossed his book onto the table and got to his feet. “I think we should have a drink at Rodi’s.”

“Rodi’s.”

“To celebrate.”

“Celebrate,” Blair repeated. She glanced down at her arm which had three more pinch marks she had put there. “God, I look like a junkie now.”

“A junkie for me?”

She snorted appreciatively at that. “Well, it wouldn’t be too far off.” She stood up and looked at him wonderingly.

“So, we on for drinks?”

Blair reached forward and pinched him on the neck.

“Ow!!” He slapped her hand away. “What the hell was that for?”

“Maybe this is _your_ dream.”

“We are _both_ awake,” he snapped. “God, why was I _cursed_ with a woman like you?”

“You have to ask?”

The smile he gave her took her breath away. “You’re both reward and penance. I don’t have any cash on me. You’re going to have to pay for drinks.”

“Some courtship this is,” Blair tossed her head. “You’re only after my money, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I like hot, blond, rich grandmothers.”

“Playing the older woman card?” Blair crossed her arms over her chest. “Shall I start calling you David Vickers now?”

He winced. “You really know how to hurt a guy.”

“Remember that.” The corners of her mouth turned up in response to the banter. “I have to go to Capricorn tonight so if you want to have drinks with me we can go there and mooch off the owner.”

“RJ?” Todd nodded. “I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to see me.”

“Nope, RJ left a few years ago.”

“Who are we mooching off of then?”

Blair grinned and wrinkled her nose at him. “Me. Pick me up in an hour.”

=================================================

“Seriously, Dad, what’s going on?” Starr gave her father a stern look.

He couldn’t help but beam at her. She had his eyes but the expression was all Blair. His little Shorty was something else, all right. “What?”

“You’ve been parked here all day, you ordered pizza, Mom was taking a nap, and then you left for like a half hour and now you’re back in a nicer shirt. What’s going on?”

“Your Mom and I are going to Capricorn.”

“On a date?” Starr looked skeptical. “Does Mom know this?”

“I suggested Rodi’s,” Todd admitted. “But apparently your Mom owns Capricorn now? How’d that happen?”

“Antonio needed to sell it and Cris asked Mom if she was interested and she was,” Starr eyed her father, who looked very handsome in hunter green. “You know she sings there.”

He perked up at that. “She does? Every night?”

“No,” Starr hid a smirk. She’d always had the idea that her Dad was fond of her Mom singing and his keen interest proved her right. “You can get a schedule at the club to see when she does sing. She owns the place so she does like to go there regularly and be charming, which she is.”

“Your Mom can be _too_ charming sometimes.”

Starr rolled her eyes. “Dad, can you at least _try_ to control your stupid jealousy?”

Todd wasn’t about to agree to that just yet. “So maybe you can tell me about your Mom and Tomas.”

“What do you want to know?”

“How serious are they?”

Starr considered that. “Mom likes him. I’m pretty sure they haven’t slept together.” Starr decided to keep it to herself that they had fully intended to and leave that for her mother to explain. “Mom has been hurt so badly by too many guys and she really has been trying to take things slow and figure it all out,” she shook her head. “But she hasn’t really talked to him much since the premiere.”

“That’s good,” Todd piped up. He caught Starr’s stormy expression. “Right? It isn’t? Why isn’t it good?”

“I didn’t say it wasn’t good,” she explained slowly. “I just think that despite all of her attempts to be careful she wound up with another guy who lied to her and, frankly, lying about you wasn’t even the first time for him. I’m just sick of guys walking all over her.” She jabbed a finger at him. “And I don’t want to see you doing it again, either!”

Todd held his hands up in a placating gesture. “It’s the last thing I want to do, Starr.”

She fixed him with another Blairian glare. “Behave yourself.”

He grinned. “Don’t know if want to do _that_.”

“DAD!!!”

“Oh, it’s just like old times,” Blair cooed as she swept into the room, looking radiant in a dark purple cheongsam dress with a gold dragon curling around her body.

“Wow,” Todd took in the sight. The dress hugged every curve yet the cut was modest. The skirt was knee length and there wasn’t even a hint of cleavage but Blair somehow managed to be devastatingly sexy.

“Thank you,” she beamed at him and then checked her watch. “Okay, I’m probably not going to be back before eleven.”

“Don’t worry, Mom,” Starr hugged her mother. “I’ve got it covered. You go take care of business.”

“Take care of business?” Todd asked as they went out to the car.

“Capricorn’s been neglected since you strolled back into town,” Blair replied breezily. “I’ve got a good crew that is able to take care of things when my insane life takes over but I need to keep my hand in.”

“You like owning a club?”

“I do,” Blair said. “It certainly keeps me busy but not so busy that I can’t take care of my kids. It’s nice to have something of my own again. Do you really think you should be driving?”

“I know how to get to Capricorn,” Todd said defensively. “Besides, you scare the shit out of me when you drive.”

“Nice.”

“It’s true,” Todd insisted. “You think every car you drive is a tank with a Ferrari engine. It’s horrifying. I’ve faced death countless times and being in the passenger seat with you at the wheel is still one of my greatest fears.”

“Your sense of humor is still intact,” Blair said sourly. “If I’m such a lousy driver why haven’t I ever gotten a ticket?”

“Well, you have run at least one person over which is more than I can say for me,” he paused. “Have you run anyone else over while I was gone?”

“No, but if you get out of the car I’d be happy to oblige.”

“No one threatens my life like you, Blair,” Todd grinned. “It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.”

“I bet.”

“I missed you,” he glanced her way.

She didn’t respond. She looked out of the passenger window and Todd thought he heard a quiet sniffle. He decided not to push and they drove in silence the rest of the way to Capricorn. Once they arrived, Todd hurried to open the door for Blair and help her out of the car. She smiled gently at him and they proceeded inside.

“Bar, booth or table?” She asked as they walked in.

“What?”

“Do you prefer bar, booth or table?”

For a moment, he had the scintillating image of making love to her in all three locations flash through his mind. “Um...” he cleared his throat. “Uh... table.”

Blair nodded and checked with the hostess before beckoning to him to follow her. “I have a few things to check up on so you’re going to be on your own for a little bit.”

“No problem,” he asserted. “I’ll just soak up the atmosphere.”

A jazz trio, made up of a guitar player, a drummer and a standing bass, was currently playing an instrumental version of ‘Pennies from Heaven’ as Blair sat Todd down and was off in a flash of purple and gold.

“Welcome to Capricorn,” a blonde girl appeared at Todd’s side. “I’ll be your server, Aubrey, can I get you a drink?”

“What’s on tap?”

As Aubrey rattled off the names, Todd looked around her to see where Blair had gone. She was over at the bar talking with her bartender when Cristian Vega walked up to her to get her attention. _Damn, that little twerp is still hanging around?_ Todd noticed that his server was suddenly quiet awaiting his order. “Yeah, I’ll have the stout.” She went to place his order and Todd got a better view of whatever Blair was doing with Cris.

Talking, mostly. And going over lists and paperwork.

Todd relaxed. It wasn’t that he was ever threatened by the kid. He was just annoyed by his presence. He was territorial about Blair, it was as simple as that. Plus, there was the added bonus of Cris being the first suspect when Blair lost their baby to a mugging. And then making out with her in a store-room years later.

The guy just annoyed him.

Todd focused on everything else to get his mind off bad memories. The club wasn’t that different from what he remembered. Slightly darker, maybe, with a more intimate feel about it. He remembered Blair singing ‘My Funny Valentine’ to him on opening night dressed in a sexy red halter top and red pants

“Here you go,” Aubrey returned with his beer. “Can I get you anything else?”

With visions of Blair singing in his head, Todd remembered Starr telling him about the schedule. “Yeah, do you have a schedule of performances?”

“I can certainly get that for you!”

Was it his imagination or was she being overly friendly? Todd took a drink of his beer and closed his eyes in ecstasy. The beer that John McBain had in his hole of an apartment was on par with the shit he sucked down during his penniless days at Motel Hell. And Viki didn’t have anything worth drinking except the bourbon she apparently had on hand for Clint and his transplanted heart.

This, however, was dark and rich and slightly bitter. He hadn’t realized how much he missed truly good beer until just that moment. Of course it would be Blair’s place that reintroduced him to the good stuff.

“Here you go!”

Todd was ripped from his malt inspired reverie by his server returning. He took the schedule from her and scanned it looking for Blair’s name.

“Are you looking for any performer in particular?”

“Blair Cramer,” he grunted.

“Oh,” her enthusiasm dimmed slightly. “Are you a fan?”

“You could say that,” he glanced up at her. “You could say I’m her ex-husband, too.”

“Oh,” Aubrey didn’t seem to know how to respond to that. “Oh. Well, can I get you anything else?”

“Not right now.”

“Okay then...” 

Todd barely noticed her drifting away as he poured over the schedule making mental notes to be at Capricorn on the nights that Blair sang. He had dreamt of her singing while he was gone, he had remembered every song she ever sang to him, every time she had hummed to herself while working or putting on her make up or brushing her hair and the thought of her beautiful voice made him ache inside.

He sat and listened to the music, nursing his drink, while Blair made the rounds. She was easy to keep an eye on with that golden dragon wrapped around her body and he did his best to not stare too hard.

When the trio took a break, Blair finally sat down with him bringing a glass of wine with her. “Sorry...” she smiled with a gentle shrug of her shoulders. “I’ve been away a little too long it seems.”

“Vega works here?”

“Not for too much longer,” Blair said, a flicker of sadness marring her lovely features. “He’s helping the new managers transition before he heads off to Barcelona to teach art.”

Todd didn’t want to talk about Vega. “You look beautiful, I didn’t get the chance to tell you before.”

She preened. “Thank you.”

“That dress is...” he let his eyes travel over her curves, “really something.”

“I have developed something of a fondness for dragons.”

He smiled remembering the fairy tale he told her in bed one night when she couldn’t sleep. She had been so fragile and all because of Max. “Dragons look good on you.”

The coquettish smile he received in response told him his double entendre had been heard loud and clear. She looked at his drink. “What did you order?”

“Oh,” he sighed rapturously. “The oatmeal stout. Babe, I gotta tell ya... I have missed good beer. I never had it so good as when you were buying me drinks.”

“The good old days, hmm?” She sobered a bit. “Can I ask you something seriously?”

“Yes,” whatever it was, it was important and he was determined to show her that he was entirely able to be serious when she needed him to be.

“How did you escape?”

He tensed for a moment and she reached across the table and touched his hand. He slid his fingers against hers so that they were intertwined and stared down at them for a time as he sorted the thoughts out in his head. _Anything she wants_ , he promised himself. “They were going to kill me,” he began.


	6. Chapter 6

Recounting the tale of his escape wasn’t easy but Blair was quietly encouraging the whole time and waited patiently as he sorted everything out in his head. When he got up the nerve to look her in the eyes during his recap he noted a hardness there. She didn’t seem upset _with_ him more upset _for_ him and found that as encouraging as anything else.

She listened to him, so completely focused on what he told her that she got that familiar little furrow between her brow. Todd found himself smiling in spite of himself. It was exactly how things were at the premiere. He was so happy to see her face, look in her eyes, be in her presence that the smile came unbidden.

He could see the wheels turning in her head as he recapped his escape but when he revealed the presence of Patrick Thornheart at the same compound that shocked her into speech again.

“Wait... what?”

“Thornheart was there.”

Blair shook her head. “He’s supposed to be dead,” she told him. “Marty was on the phone with him when he was killed. It’s one of the few times I legitimately felt sorry for her.”

Todd raised an eyebrow. “I don’t care if he’s _supposed_ to be dead, Blair. He’s not. I _saw_ him. I hitched the ride on the plane with him that brought him here to Llanview so they could pick up Marty and send them off to God knows where. That’s where I saw Victor for the first time.”

“So he _did_ get Marty out of town,” Blair muttered, shaking her head. She sat back in her chair, gnawing on her lip, and her eyes focused on the table-top.

He watched her for a moment. She remained silent but her eyes darted about on the table-top, as if looking at several small pieces of something. The furrow between her brow deepened and her fingers drummed against her arm. She was thinking hard, he could tell. Trying to figure out something vital. “You okay?”

“Do you know when you broke out?”

“Not really,” Todd admitted. “My timeline is questionable at best. I’d retreat so far into my head that when they’d pull me out I’d have no idea how much time I was there.”

“But you got out in time to catch this plane that was on its way to Llanview in order to pick up Marty,” Blair said slowly, still trying to piece the puzzle together. “And Patrick wasn’t dead... he was in the same facility you were in. You must have been hanging around Llanview for at least a month, then. But they wanted to kill you before that...” her face darkened dramatically.

“What?”

“It would have been too late,” Blair whispered.

“What would have been too late?”

“Tomas didn’t tell us about Victor not being you until August,” Blair said, her voice shaking. “Which would have been about two months too late based on everything you’ve told me. If you hadn’t escaped...” her voice broke. “If you hadn’t, you would have survived all that time for us to miss saving you by just a few months.” Her hands balled into fists that she slammed onto the table. “It would have been _too late_!!”

Todd reached forward and took one of her fists into his hands. Slowly, he worked one finger in between her balled up ones and got her to release her fist. He held her hand with one of his and stroked it gently with the other. “I got out.”

“You shouldn’t have had to do it alone,” Blair said mournfully. “You should never have been left there in the first place.”

Todd was silent for a long time. “Do you remember when we went sledding?”

Blair looked puzzled. “Of course, I do.”

“Remember when he sat there in the snow afterwards? When we talked?”

“Yes.”

“I said I felt I had been cut off... from everything that had been my life... no friends, no family, no future... just cut off, floating away like an astronaut that had been let go on a space walk or something.”

“I remember.”

“I think I was better off like that.”

“Don’t say that, Todd,” Blair murmured, gripping his hand with her fingers.

“I mean, I wanted to know where I came from, where I belonged and I just keep finding out awful things about the people that made me. Victor Lord was certainly no picnic. Peter Manning wasn’t much better.”

“Well, it’s done now.”

Todd stared at her for a moment. “What?”

“They’re all gone. Victor is dead, Peter is dead, Bitsy is dead and Irene is dead. They’re all dead. For real this time as opposed to the fakeouts we’ve been subjected to. _They’re_ gone. _You’re_ here.”

It often took him aback whenever Blair’s voice took on that steely tone. He would get so used to the soft way about her, her gentle touch, her gentle voice, the soft look in her eyes, that being exposed to the steely undertones that existed at her core somehow surprised him. He didn’t completely understand why, her strength was one of the things he loved most about her. “So, what... just get over it?”

“What are your other options?” Blair asked. “Dwell on these people, three out of four who were awful to you? You have your life, you need to take care of getting your life back and reclaiming what was taken from you. Nothing you do from this point on has any effect on any of your parents but it has a hell of an effect on your kids. Think about that.” She glanced at her watch and stood up. “I have to get back to the house. If you want to stay here, that’s fine. We close at one. I can take a cab.”

“No,” Todd got to his feet. “This was us going out,” he frowned slightly. Blair’s walls were back up and he wasn’t exactly sure why. “You know, the whole courting thing.”

“Right,” Blair went to say a few final words to some of her staff before nodding at him and heading towards the door.

******************************************

“What’s with you?”

“What’s with what?”

“You,” Todd said as he pulled out onto Front Street from the tiny parking lot behind Capricorn. “You were in a pretty good mood before. Now you’re angry.”

“I’m not angry.”

“You’re not happy,” Todd glanced at her when they reached a stop light. “Was it something I said?”

“Yes and no.”

A silence stretched out between them.

“Okay,” Todd sighed, getting a little annoyed. “You want to explain that?”

“When you were telling me about your escape...”

“You _asked_ about that!”

“I know.”

“I didn’t hold anything back, I told you the truth,” Todd snapped.

“I...” Blair sent a discerning look his way. “I didn’t say anything about that!”

“Then what?”

“I have to think about things,” Blair muttered. “It just reminded me that I have a few loose ends left to tie up.”

“Like?”

“Like, you worry about your business and I’ll worry about mine.”

“You _are_ my business.”

“Now,” Blair’s patience snapped. “Don’t start getting all possessive and nosy and... and... _you_ ,” she hissed. “My life is my life and I’ll handle it the way I see fit, you got me? You have to figure out how you’re even going to reclaim your name so don’t start telling me what I need to do!”

“I’m not telling you what you need to do,” Todd attempted to placate her. “I just want to be a _part_ of it!”

“That’s not up to you!”

“No, it’s up to _you_ and I’m _asking_ you to let me be a part of it!” Todd huffed. “I mean, that’s something of a huge step for me, wouldn’t you say?”

“I guess so,” Blair replied grudgingly.

“You _guess_ so?” Todd shook his head. “Why are you always so stubborn?”

“If I wasn’t, I’d never have made it this long. I’d have given up long ago.” Blair lifted her chin. “Besides, you’re one to talk about stubborn. You won’t even die properly.”

Todd felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Which I’m thankful for,” Blair continued, her voice softer. “In case you were wondering.”

“I know that.”

“Look, I appreciate what I think you’re trying to offer, but I can take care of myself.”

That was debatable as far as Todd was concerned. Every time he left Blair to take care of herself she got herself into worse and worse situations. He honestly wondered what it was she was taking care of here. “I have several arguments that could refute that, you know.”

“You have more than enough on your plate.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t want to help you with whatever you’re going through.”

Blair’s silence was much kinder than her last one. “God, it’s been a long time since I’ve heard that.”

“From me?”

“From anyone,” she sighed. “I’m used to taking things on by myself.”

“You’ve been that way as long as I’ve known you. You’re one of the hardest people in the world to help out, you know that?”

“I don’t like owing people.”

“I don’t want you to owe me, Blair,” Todd said with all the sincerity he could muster. “I just want us to be on the same side.”

“We are.”

He decided to leave it at that. Pushing wasn’t going to get him anywhere that night and she seemed far less angry than she had been. Eight years of recollection and remorse might have finally given him the ability to recognize when to quit.

For now.

They pulled into the driveway of Dorian’s house and Todd ran around the car to open Blair’s door for her. He walked her to the door and they stood there for a moment sizing each other up.

“So when can I see you again?”

Blair grinned. “Are you asking me on another date or are you asking when you can spend some time with the kids?”

“Both,” he replied sheepishly.

“Call me tomorrow,” she told him. She rested one hand on the doorknob then looked up at him again before reaching up with one hand, placing it over his scarred cheek. Her thumb rubbed lightly against his cheekbone. “I _am_ glad you’re back,” she said. “I’m glad you got out.”

He saw her eyes start to harden again and, hoping to counteract it, grabbed her wrist with his hand. His grip startled her and to ease the momentary tension, he turned to press his lips to her palm. He kissed her there twice more and then pulled back.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”


	7. Chapter 7

Morning at Llanfair involved nieces and babies and a lot of Buchanan bellowing. Todd was more than happy to burrow under the pillows and shut them all out. He dozed and daydreamed of moving back into Dorian’s mausoleum with Blair and the kids. He thought of sitting down with Blair and designing their dream home and wondered if there was a way to make sure it always belonged to both of them so neither one could kick the other one out or move any one else in.

When the house quieted down, Todd ventured a look at the clock. It was only nine but his stomach was rumbling and he decided to get up and forage for food.

Viki was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea reading a book. She glanced up as Todd wandered down the back stairs and made a beeline to the pantry to get a bowl of cereal. “I was asleep before you came home last night.”

Todd almost reminded Viki that Llanfair wasn’t his home and never would be but thought better of it. She was his sister and she was giving him a place to stay.

“Did you go see Blair?”

“I did,” Todd nodded as he shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. “She had a headache and I took care of it and let her have a nap and got the kids pizza and then we went out for drinks.”

Viki’s eyebrows raised. “I’m impressed.”

“Why’s that?”

“I would have guessed you’d lose your nerve and then get angry about it.”

“Ha ha,” Todd replied sourly. “I’ve been apart from Blair for eight years. You really think I’m going to blow it when I get the chance again?”

Viki shrugged quietly, giving the indication she thought exactly that.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Sis.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to,” Todd grumbled. “You don’t like Blair, do you?”

Viki blinked in shock. “Why would you even say that?”

“Because you’re not exactly encouraging when it comes to her,” Todd drummed his fingers on the table. “You tried to shove me towards Delgado, hell, you practically brain-washed me into thinking that she and I were in love when we were married.”

“I thought she was good for you...”

“Why would you _ever_ think that?” Todd asked. “Seriously, Viki, do you _remember_ me back then?”

Viki closed her book quietly, sensing this conversation was going to be a heavy one. “Yes.”

“Do you really? Think back... think hard.”

“All right.”

“Did I seem happy to you?”

“Todd...” Viki didn’t look like she wanted to go any further with the discussion.

“Answer me!” Todd slammed his hand on the table. “Did I seem happy to you?”

“No,” her voice was small.

Well, that stunned him. He honestly wasn’t expecting Viki to own up like that. “Why in the hell would you try to consign me to a life that you knew made me miserable?”

Viki heaved a sigh. “It wasn’t quite like that, Todd. Were you happy? No, but I’d be very hard pressed to pin-point any moment you were truly happy once you returned from Ireland. If you recall, Blair wasn’t making you very happy then, either.”

“That was my fault!”

“Was it?”

“Yes!” Todd insisted. “Because I misunderstood things between her and Thornheart! I was so messed up I couldn’t see the truth... how much she had missed me, how much she loved me... I convinced myself it had all been lies. And I wrecked everything because I was so damned _stupid_! Delgado wasn’t any better.”

“She was different, though,” Viki shrugged. “I thought she may have been what you needed.”

“Did you ever stop to think that what I needed wasn’t some screwed up masochist with a domination fetish?”

“What?!” 

Todd rolled his eyes. “You have clearly not been paying attention to Delgado if you don’t see that’s exactly what she is. You and Sam kept pushing me to be with her. I mean, Sam just wanted to nail Blair himself so I get that but you... why? Why would you want that for me when you knew how miserable I was?”

“I don’t know that I realized how unhappy you were, Todd.”

“You’re smarter than that,” Todd scoffed. “Come on, admit it, you don’t like Blair. You like Cassie and Kelly just fine. Hell, you’re always going on about the wonders of Kelly which I _do_ not get. So why don’t you like Blair?”

Viki eyed her brother. “I suspect you’re going to tell me.”

“I want _you_ to tell me.”

“I have nothing against Blair,” Viki insisted. “In fact, over the years, I’ve come to appreciate her a great deal. It takes a very strong woman to handle the things she’s had to handle over the years.”

“So you didn’t appreciate her before.”

“Oh fine,” Viki threw her hands up in defeat. “She was too much like Dorian.”

“Aha!!” Todd jabbed a finger at Viki triumphantly. “Ah! Ha! By the way, you’re totally wrong about that.”

“I don’t think I am.”

“If Blair were like Dorian, I’d like Dorian. I would have liked Dorian all along,” Todd pointed out. “But I don’t. Hated her on sight. Still do. The feeling was mutual.”

“Whereas with Blair...”

“Blair was always the hottest thing on two legs that I’d ever seen,” Todd mused. “Still is. Last night, we went out had a drink or two, talked about some things... she’s prickly and has all of these walls up... didn’t stop me from wanting to take her inside and bend her over the back of the couch, though.”

“Todd!!” Viki sputtered. “My _word_!!”

“I didn’t _do_ it,” Todd said innocently. “I just _wanted_ to.”

“I really don’t think this is the sort of thing we should be talking about.” Viki looked completely unsettled.

“Why not?” Todd asked. “I’m actually relieved that my libido is as strong as ever where Blair’s concerned. After eight years of torture...” he hedged a little. “You have to wonder if the equipment is working... hell, if the desire is even still there.”

“I’m guessing it is?”

“Boy howdy is it,” Todd replied cheerfully, enjoying Viki’s obvious discomfort. “Admittedly, when I was lurking around trying to get my bearings things didn’t immediately pop up, if you know what I mean.” 

Viki rubbed her eyes wearily.

“But, the image of Blair curled up on the lounge chair in the dark with a glass of wine and that blue dress kept creeping into my head at night,” Todd grinned rakishly. “And when I saw her on tv at the premiere and she showed off the earrings that I bought for her for our wedding...” he sighed. “I knew I had to go to her. It was like she was calling out to me without even knowing it.”

“Really.”

“And when I saw her...” Todd’s eyes took on a dreamy cast. “When I saw her there in this white, drapey thing... all I could see was her and Starr and Jack. My family. My babe.” He shook himself out of his reverie. “You should have seen her last night in this hot, tight purple thing with a gold dragon all wrapped around her. Let me tell you, Viki, I wanted to wrap my dragon all around her and then some.”

“All right,” Viki shot out of her seat and went to wash out her teacup. “I really don’t think this is an appropriate conversation to be having.”

“Well, why not?” Todd asked. “I had a lot of time to think, Viki, and we both know that I carry around some serious issues when it comes to the boudoir, right? Not problems, mind you,” he corrected sternly. “Everything works fine and I know what to do and where things are and all of that.”

“ _Really_!!” Viki looked horrified.

“But, you know, all that stuff with Marty made me rethink my entire life and Blair was the woman who actually engaged in a healthy sex life with me. She’s the only one who ever did.”

In spite of herself, Viki found herself interested in that aspect of it. “Really?”

“Yes,” Todd cocked his head at his sister. “Oh... that’s right. We weren’t exactly tight when Blair and I were married the first time. Plus, you were going through your own shit.”

“Language!”

“Well, you were. But it’s true,” Todd leaned back in his chair. “Peter, as you know, was a creep and he treated people like crap. Didn’t matter who they were, he shit all over them.”

“Again, language!”

Todd rolled his eyes. “So, after seeing him treat Bitsy and then every other woman in his life like... property, that’s how I thought I was supposed to behave. And it’s how I _did_ behave. I treated women like whores. Some of them consented to it, some of them didn’t... the point is that I was conditioned to be a certain way and after Marty and therapy I saw that it wasn’t supposed to be that way at all.

“Rebecca was too skittish for me in the long run. Looking back, I don’t think I could have engaged in a healthy sexual relationship with her. She was really repressed which, at the time, appealed to me because I don’t think I could have handled an in your face woman... a sexually aggressive one, you know? I met Blair in the midst of all that Powell crap and, man,” he grinned at the memory. “She was as opposite Rebecca as you can get. Tall, tough and fearless... she threatened to mace me once.”

“Did she?” Viki’s tone was droll. She still wasn’t certain about the subject of this whole conversation but Todd seemed to need it. She’d just try to tune out the things that made her squeamish.

“I came onto her at Rodi’s one night,” Todd chuckled. “ _Hard_. I was drunk, I admit, but she came in and sat down at the bar and she was just _so_ hot. I mean, how could I resist? She totally turned me down but she did it so casual. It was like she didn’t even take me seriously at all but she didn’t hold it against me, either. She was always just this really cool headcase of a chick. I liked her.”

“You say that like it’s unusual for you.”

“How many people do I like, Viki?”

“You have a point there.”

“Blair was the first woman I ever slept with that I actually liked... as a person, as a friend. I’d never had that before. And when we got married we had a lot of sex. Make up sex, happy sex, sad sex...”

“Sad sex?” Viki shook her head. “Do I even want to know?”

“We had sex a lot, to comfort each other, to have fun... I mean, damn Viki, I’d never looked on it as _fun_ before.”

Viki looked deeply skeptical about that. 

“It was always a status thing. Blair made it fun. We laughed and cuddled and it was just... _fun_. For a while, sex was the only way I could really express how I felt about her before I worked the nerve up to actually say it.” He picked at the table top, his expression turning pensive. “It’s why it hurt so much to come home from Ireland and see her with the McPoet. It was like everything she had given me wasn’t special after all.”

“But it was...”

“Of course it was,” Todd snapped. “It’s why I didn’t do it with anyone else. I just wasn’t built that way, I guess.”

“You can build a relationship with someone else if that’s what you really want to do, though,” Viki told him. “You can have that healthy relationship with another...”

“Well, I sure as hell wasn’t going to have it with Delgado,” Todd snarled. “That would have been right back to square one for me. She saw sex as a conquest. Blair was competition and she wanted to nail me because Blair had and she wanted her piece. She wanted to win.”

“Oh, Todd, I don’t know... that doesn’t seem like something Tea would do.”

“Well, how the hell would _you_ know?” Todd demanded. “You weren’t there behind closed doors! You didn’t know how she’d talk, the things she’d say and do. I was there, Viki! It’s exactly how it was! She wanted to win! And I never gave her that part of me because if I did, I knew I’d backslide into the monster I was before I raped Marty.” He stared at his sister for several minutes. “I think I know myself pretty well, Viki. I know what was at stake.”

It was hard for Viki to give up the idea of what Tea had represented all those years ago. She had honestly seen her as a good, noble woman who had the betterment of Todd’s soul as her deepest concern. The way Todd was talking, it wasn’t that way at all. Viki wondered if she had to rethink everything concerning Tea and what her relationship was with Victor now. “Did I just see what I wanted to see back then?”

“Pretty much,” Todd offered her a smile. “But it’s kind of a Lord trait. I do that sometimes. I mean, I didn’t want to see Blair’s love for me because I was so angry. I learned my lesson, though. All of that stuff put walls between us for years. The mistakes we both made caused a lot of damage but it’s not unrepairable, you know? When I saw her... when I’m with her... everything that was always between us is still there. I can feel it. She can, too. I’m sure of it.”

“Well, good,” Viki wasn’t sure what else she was supposed to say about that. “But maybe there’s someone more appropriate you can talk about the sex side of things with?”

“Like who?” Todd asked. “You’re the only one I’d talk to about things like this. I can’t talk to Blair yet because she’s the subject of it all and I’m busy wooing her. My sex life is not my children’s business. Period. And I don’t have any friends. I sure as hell am not going to talk about this stuff with Victor!”

“I wasn’t even going to suggest that,” Viki waved him off.

“You’re my sister,” Todd pointed out. “I trust you completely. If I can’t confide in you, who can I confide in?”

Viki didn’t have an answer for that. Thankfully, Lois came in at that point to announce the arrival of Todd’s lawyer. Cybil shook hands with Viki and gave Todd a winning smile.

“I’ve got good news,” she said, setting her briefcase down on the table. “I’ve successfully frozen the Manning accounts until the matter of identity is determined. I’ve also placed an injunction on The Sun in regards to reporting on this case until identity is determined.”

Todd raised his eyebrows, impressed. “How’d you manage that?”

She fixed him with an acidic glare. “Because I am very good at what I do. As opposed to your former attorney who was not very well prepared for the case I presented. For that matter,” Cybil handed Todd a form. “This is a court order for you to submit to some medical testing. The ‘other Todd Manning’ has been given the same order. You’re to comply within the week so we can compare the two with your medical records and move forward with determining who’s identity belongs to whom.”

Todd took the form and nodded. He wasn’t all too thrilled with the concept of medical tests especially after the treatment he got at Irene’s compound but if it put to rest the question of identity, he’d muscle through it.

“Ms. Lord,” Cybil turned her attention to Viki.

“You may call me Viki.”

“Very well, are you ready for our meeting?”

Viki gave Todd a questioning glance.

He took the hint. “Yeah, I’ll leave you two alone.” He headed up the back stairs to shower and change. As he ascended the steps, he wondered what Blair was up to.

**************************************************

September was when the humidity finally started to ease up. Blair stood in the park and studied the trees. They were still full and lush but she could see the changing of the seasons already. Hints of yellow-green around the edges and even some leaves on the ground. Soon autumn would be out in all of its colors. The kids would need all of their winter clothes out and Blair was already trying to figure out what Thanksgiving and Christmas were going to look like.

But she loved this time of year. Her birthday was coming up in October, as was Jack’s, and she planned to take him riding before the weather got too cold. She looked forward to building fires in the fireplace, hot cider, cocoa, Halloween, mulled wine and snuggling under blankets.

Todd’s presence filled her mind and she wondered just how he was going to fit into things. He had announced his intentions and that still surprised her. He had never been particularly forthcoming in regards to affairs of the heart but eight years... it would change a person. It clearly changed Todd. It just remained to be seen how deeply and in how many ways.

“Hey, Blair.” Tomas smiled as she turned to greet him. “Here as directed. What’s up?”

Blair studied him for a moment. “It’s time to talk, for real.”

His smile faded. “I see.”

There was nothing to do but be blunt. “This isn’t going to happen. You and me. It just... isn’t.”

“Because of Todd?”

“Partly,” Blair shrugged. “It’s a lot of things, though.” She took a deep breath to steady herself. “You have been lying to me from day one.”

Tomas sighed and looked down, shaking his head.

“I was honest with you,” Blair continued. “Completely honest. But you... never told me the truth. I’m willing to bet you’re still keeping things from me.”

“Blair...”

“Tell me about Patrick Thornheart.”

Tomas eyes snapped up to meet hers. They narrowed slightly as he seemed to gauge what she was saying. “What do you mean?”

“He was in the same compound Todd was in,” Blair said. “Although I suspect you know that.”

“Where are you getting this from?”

“From the man who hopped on the plane that brought Patrick here to pick up Marty Saybrooke and spirit her out of town,” Blair placed her hands on her hips, daring Tomas to refute her. “From the man who was in that prison for eight years while you did nothing... from the man who had to escape because they were going to kill him before you ever decided to step up and tell us that Victor was never Todd in the first place! Do you have any idea how close we came to losing him for good?”

“So this is about Todd.”

“This is about _you_!” Blair screamed. “This is about you! You and all of the lies you keep telling me and all of the bullshit deflections! ‘Do you still love, Todd, Blair? Is that what this is about? You weren’t together when he left, Blair. What’s the difference?’ Do you know how god damn _frustrating_ it is to try to even wrap my mind about what has actually happened here? Do you have any concept of what I am going through in trying to reason this out to my children when I don’t even understand what’s going on? Do you see how _pathetic_ it is that I’ve been attempting to rationalize your part in this just because I’m so damned used to men lying to me in order to have me?

“You set yourself up as this man who was honest, who was different from all the others, who was going to lead me out of the morass and into the bright new dawn of an honest, real relationship. You’ve been lying every step of the way!”

“I have never lied about how I feel about you, Blair.”

“Oh, you don’t even _know_ me,” Blair snarled. “You held onto a picture of me at my wedding to Todd... a picture you took from his _hands_.” The image of that overwhelmed her. The image of a broken and bleeding Todd holding onto that reminder of their happiest moment and having even that ripped away from him. Her hands flew to her cheeks and she turned away from Tomas, squeezing her eyes shut to try to regain her composure.

“I’ve tried to explain this to you, Blair,” Tomas said gently. “I was just doing my job. If it hadn’t been me it would have been someone else. Todd was going to be taken...”

“It wasn’t someone else,” Blair replied. “It was _you_. And as much as I’ve tried, it’s not something I can ever get over. I believe you had regrets but you never did anything about them. When I came to your door you played a part, when you followed me here and found out more about what was going on, you still played that part. If Todd hadn’t escaped on his own, he would have been dead by the time you decided to open your trap. It would have been just a couple of months too late. Can you imagine that?” She stepped towards him, daring him to look her in the eye. “Can you imagine surviving that long, holding on for that long only to die two months short of someone’s conscience finally getting the better of him?”

Tomas didn’t reply.

“Are you going to suggest that you had nothing to do with Patrick Thornheart’s miraculous resurrection?”

“Why would you think I did?”

“I went over the timing,” Blair replied. “I went over it again and again and again. Pretty convenient that the man who was responsible for handing Todd over to Irene’s organization just happened to come across the baby that Marty kidnapped while she was being hustled out of town. Pretty convenient that we had just spoken of Patrick days before. Are you going to continue to treat me like I’m stupid?”

“You’re not stupid,” Tomas admitted. “That much is quite evident.”

“Why didn’t you help Todd?”

“No amount of pull I had, or Calmar had was ever going to get Todd released. He was the focal point of Irene’s project.”

“What was Patrick doing there?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

Blair rolled her eyes.

“I’m telling you the truth, Blair,” Tomas insisted. “Thornheart’s acquisition wasn’t when I was working ops. That’s when I was out. I only knew of him from updates that Calmar gave me and from some of his work in the past.”

“Why didn’t you do anything for Todd?”

“It was well out of my hands.”

“You could have said something to me!”

“And put you in danger, too?”

“Oh,” Blair snorted. “How _noble_. I’m so sorry that you felt you needed to appease your guilt over what you did to Todd by trying to get into my bed. What a load of crap!”

“I did what I thought was best.”

“If that’s true, then that’s very very sad,” Blair looked up into the trees again, taking in the light on the leaves and filtering through the branches. “You have a sister and a niece here. Your focus should be on them and helping them through all of this confusion. I am no longer your concern.”

“Blair...” He took a step towards her, reaching out with one hand.

She stepped back, waving him off. “If you cared for me at all the way you claim... you will leave me alone. _This_ ,” she gestured between them, “is done.”


	8. Chapter 8

Tomas trudged up the driveway to Victor’s house. He stood back, looking at it for a moment, wondering why he never thought of it as Victor and Tea’s. There was so little of his sister in the decor. In fact, he’d go so far as to say there was very little of Victor in there, either. The whole place just seemed to be pieced together from home decor magazines. No real personality at all.

Much like Victor himself.

He sighed as he thought about his conversation with Blair. He had entertained such hopes for them. In his heart of hearts, he had wanted her to choose him even knowing what he had done because it would have allowed him to let go of those events eight years ago. It was wrong to seek redemption through another but after so many years of wallowing in his past he had hoped that Blair would be the gateway to a new life and freedom from his old one.

Was that even possible? The better part of his life had been spent in special ops and he simply didn’t know how to turn that off. Even living eight years as a painter he had never given up the operative. He lived in shadows, always watching his back, always expecting to either be put down or dragged back in. He had spent those eight years under his own Sword of Damocles.

What could he have truly offered Blair anyway? To have her love him wouldn’t change anything he had done or any fear that remained within him. If he were to be truly honest with himself, it would have only exacerbated the situation. To put his own dark past to rest, he had to follow through with helping clean up the mess he had inadvertently made. Todd Manning had been taken from his own life. Victor Lord Jr. had been turned into a cypher without his own identity and was therefore clinging to the one that he had been thrust into.

Tomas was going to find the means of proving who was whom once and for all. He would do anything required to help his sister and his niece through all of this and finally put the remnants of Irene’s organization to rest. That was his penance. Then maybe he would find some peace.

As he neared the front door he heard his sister and Victor fighting inside. As it seemed to be something they thrived on he didn’t think too much of it but prepared himself anyway. Victor had yet to make a remotely good impression on him.

“...some lawyer you are!” Victor bellowed as Tomas entered the foyer. “I thought you were supposed to be the best!”

“This is just a bump in the road, Victor.”

“A bump?! Like hell! That bastard has managed to freeze everything that’s mine and you call that a bump? He caught you flat-footed, Tea!”

“Blair found him a good lawyer. I wasn’t exactly expecting that!”

“Blair isn’t as stupid as you think she is!”

“That remains to be seen!”

“What the hell is going on here?” Tomas entered the living room, startling both Tea and Victor. He shot Tea a stern look, not appreciating her digs on Blair. He was going to have to get to the bottom of that one.

Tea didn’t respond but Victor was all too eager to air the dirty laundry. “Your sister got beat in court! All of the assets of Todd Manning have been frozen!”

“Is that so?” Tomas found that interesting. What was Victor going to do now that he didn’t have millions to throw around at anyone who got in his way?

“The judge agreed with Todd’s new attorney that Victor might start trying to hide all of his money before the issue of identity has been settled,” Tea sighed. It irked her because Victor was right. She had been taken unawares by this Cybil Claremont and it didn’t sit well with her. She already had an intern at her office pulling as much information on the woman as possible so she’d know exactly who she was dealing with from now on.

What was even more irritating was that Blair had gotten one over on her. Todd was so completely out of the loop that he didn’t have any contacts to speak of anymore. Cybil Claremont was not hired by Viki, Tea knew that down to her toes, so all that was left was Blair. It shouldn’t have surprised her because Blair had basically declared her allegiance the second Todd said ‘I am’ at the movie premiere but she felt blindsided all the same.

When she glanced at her brother, Tea noticed that Tomas seemed rather amused by the turn of events. “So, who’s paying the bills while the money’s all tied up?”

Victor snarled at him. “It definitely won’t be _you_ , you blood-sucker! Maybe you’ll finally give us a break and go mooch off of Blair for awhile!”

Tomas didn’t say anything. He just offered a benign smile to Victor which only served to make Victor more angry.

“Or has she given you the old heave-ho now that the ugly, scarred up face she loves so much is back in her life?”

“Wasn’t that face yours, too?” 

“I got an upgrade,” Victor sneered.

“Yes,” Tea piped up, giving her brother a warning look. “Yes, you did.” She went over to Victor and ran her hand up his arm.

“He shows up with that ugly mug and thinks he can just take everything that’s mine? That’s bullshit. It should _all_ have been mine,” Victor continued, his eyes alight with anger. “ _My_ paper, _my_ money, _my_ kids...”

“Those kids have always been his,” Tomas replied, not liking what Victor seemed to be alluding to. _Was Tea hearing any of this_ , he wondered.

“They _should_ have been mine! All of it! But _he’s_ the one who had it all! Well, he’s not getting any of it back! It’s _mine_ now and I’ll die before I hand it over! I’m the one who carries the name!” Victor stormed over to his desk, ripping open the drawer and pulling out a ring. He waved it in Tomas’ face. “All along, I should have been the one Victor Lord recognized! I should have been the one to get this from the old man himself! Did I ever get the chance?” He flung the ring across the room. “No! I never did! And I’ll never get my satisfaction from my crazy mother for that, either! Because of _him_!!” Victor tore out of the living room and up the stairs.

Tea shot Tomas a resigned look and followed after her husband.

Tomas shook his head at his sister’s back but waited until he heard her footsteps in the upstairs hall before crossing the room to where Victor had thrown the ring. He picked it up and studied it. It was a gold signet ring with an Old English styled ‘L’ emblazoned on it.

“Yes,” he breathed. “I think this is _just_ what we’ve been looking for.” He pocketed the ring and headed out the front door, calling John McBain as soon as the door was shut.

**************************************************

Todd wandered around the park trying to work up the nerve to go the hospital and make an appointment for the tests Cybil wanted for him. He was never exactly fond of hospitals as a rule. He’d disliked them ever since he’d been hospitalized as a child. He’d never been to the hospital on a good visit that he could remember. It was all gunshots, stab wounds, busted hands, miscarriages, aplastic anemia, strokes and comas.

Still, if it was necessary to get his life back, he’d do it. He just had to work himself up to it.

There was a group of people doing Tai Chi under a large elm tree. He watched them for a moment wondering when that had become a thing. His eye was captured by someone in particular just as he was about to move and he did a double take. 

It looked like Addie.

That was impossible, wasn’t it?

He looked around trying to spot the nuns that were always on hand when it came to outside days for the St. Anne’s residents. The Tai Chi instructor definitely wasn’t a nun being that he was a man.

The woman who looked like Addie paused then bounced up and down waving a hand enthusiastically over her head. “Todd! Todd!”

Good God, it really _was_ Addie. Todd stared.

Addie made quick apologies to the instructor and scampered over to Todd smiling brightly. “Oh, Todd, I heard you were back! Blair has been talking about you constantly.”

“She has?”

“Oh,” Addie’s sunny face dimmed momentarily. “I’m not sure I was supposed to say that.”

“Well, it’s nice to hear anyway,” Todd told her. “Um... what’s going on?”

“I do Tai Chi here every day when I’m not traveling.”

“Traveling?” Todd sputtered. “St. Anne’s has gone on the road?”

“What?” Addie looked momentarily confused. “Oh! Oh, no, Todd,” she laughed. “I’m not in St. Anne’s anymore.”

“Where do you stay then? Did St. Anne’s go under?”

“I’m fine, I don’t need to stay in any care facilities now.”

Todd shook his head. “I’ve gone down the rabbit hole.”

Addie stared at him for a moment and then laughed her laugh again. Todd always thought that Addie’s laugh would be how teddy bears would laugh if they ever came to life. Hearing her laugh always made him feel weirdly happy. “Like Alice? Oh, Todd. You’re so funny.”

“Blair didn’t mention that you were out and about,” Todd commented, grinning at her.

“Blair’s had a lot on her mind,” Addie turned serious. “You coming back has really thrown her for a loop and she’s been trying so hard to have it make sense for the kids. It’s hard to know what to say.”

“I bet,” Todd nodded. He could understand that. He could barely make sense of it all. “I’d like to help her.”

Addie gave him a stern look which knocked Todd for a loop. There wasn’t any of that faraway confusion in her eyes anymore. Addie was very definitely in the game now. She seemed to be sizing him up. “You’ve hurt Blair a lot, Todd.”

“I know.”

She waited. “And?”

“And I’m sorry?”

“I wish I’d followed through and kicked Victor’s butt when he hurt her the last time like I told him. He was so sincere and earnest about doing it right that time and I thought he was you...”

“He wasn’t me.”

“He treated her as if he were you for a long time,” Addie explained. “He cherished her and loved her and lied to her and then got mad when she didn’t like him lying to her. I thought he was you. He acted like you in so many ways.”

Todd didn’t like hearing it. He didn’t like thinking about how Victor fooled everyone into believing he was really Todd Manning. Nothing about it sit right and he hadn’t broached the subject with anyone since he had unloaded on Blair because it continued to enrage him. He wanted to understand but all he did was get mad.

“You know, I’ve missed seeing that scar.”

Todd grinned ruefully. “You may be the only one, Addie.”

“No, I’m not. Starr missed it, too. But mostly Blair. She missed you. She missed you even when you were still here.”

Well, Addie may not have had to stay in St. Anne’s anymore but that didn’t necessarily mean she made that much sense. Todd shook his head. “What?”

“You hurt her, Todd. You hurt my beautiful girl because all you did was lie to her. If you want her back and I know you do, you have to promise me something.”

Todd was almost afraid to ask. “Promise what?”

“ _Don’t lie to her_!”

He heaved a sigh. “Addie...”

“She’s on your side, Todd.”

“I know that.”

“Do you?” Addie’s gaze was frighteningly intense. “She’s not a pawn for you to move around. She’s smart and brave and will do anything for the people she loves.”

“I know,” Todd’s voice dropped to almost a whisper.

“I ruined the trust that you had in her all of those years ago,” Addie said sadly.

“What?”

Addie sighed. “Max Holden pretended to care about Blair... he promised me that he only wanted to help her and that’s why I told him that Blair lied about the baby.”

Todd was stunned. All of those years and he never knew that it was Addie who told Max about Blair’s lie.

“I thought he was my friend... he lied to me because he wanted to hurt Blair and because I couldn’t tell the difference, I was what he used to do that. He used one of the two people she loved and trusted the most to hurt the other. I thought you had gotten _past_ all of that.”

“I did... I got over that first lie years ago.”

“Why did you turn on her after that?”

“Thornheart,” Todd shoved his hands in his pockets angrily. “Coming home and seeing her with him...”

“She thought you were dead.”

“And then she lied about being with him!”

“Do you blame her?”

That tripped him up. “What? I... what do you mean?”

“She spent a year fighting to hold onto the things you built, and to bring your daughter into the world, trying to hold onto to any part of you. None of that was easy, you know. She thought you were dead and it broke her heart,” Addie shook her head. “When you came back, her dream had come true... she was scared to death of ruining that. She was afraid that telling the truth about Patrick would drive you from her again... just when she had got you back. And in the years after that, it wasn’t _her_ lies that drove you apart it was _yours_.

“Every time you’d be together or come close to being together, she’d be so happy and then it was all destroyed. So I’m telling you now, Todd. If you want to be with her, don’t lie. Don’t treat her like she’s stupid. Don’t manage her. Go back to those days when you were both so happy... when you believed in and trusted each other.”

He wanted to argue but he couldn’t. Addie was right. He had gone over all the mistakes for the past eight years. He’d played them out in his head over and over and over again trying to hold onto every shred he could. It wasn’t just Blair’s lies when he came back from Ireland that made a mess of things. His relationship with Tea had thoroughly damaged what little trust and faith he had built up in his life.

He had no intention of making those mistakes again.

“You know, Addie. You’ve still got more on the ball that just about everyone in this town.”

****************************************************

John inspected the signet ring that Tomas gave him. “You think this is our ticket to find out the truth?”

“It’s the first thing I’ve been able to find that I honestly believe would be a reasonable place to hide this chip,” Tomas opened the messenger bag he had with him and took out a bizarre looking headgear. It looked like a cross between lab goggles and half a wielder’s mask. He held it out to John.

John took it, giving Tomas an uncertain look. “What the hell is this?”

“It’s a jeweler’s magnification lens.”

“You just have this?”

“It’s useful,” Tomas gave him a significant look. “Very useful. Put it on and take a look.”

John did so and looked at the ring. “What am I looking at?”

“You can see the ring has been altered. The gold is slightly rough just below the edge of the signet, like it was filled in or painted over or something.”

“I do see that,” John nodded and took the headgear off. “I think we should bring Manning in. Seeing this, he might remember something.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

“If he doesn’t, no harm done, we’ll still look into it. I just think having him in is the right move.”

“It’s your call, McBain.”


	9. Chapter 9

Blair sat in the living room at the desk tapping furiously into her laptop. Jack was on the couch doing his homework. Ever since he’d been put on probation from his bullying of Shane Morasco, he did his homework in Blair’s presence.

He’d never say it out loud but he actually liked the alone time he got with his mother. He was reading his designated chapters of _Lord of the Flies_ and the tap tap tapping of his mother’s fingers on the keyboard settled into a comforting white noise. The book itself was something that grew more and more disturbing with each chapter and it didn’t help that the character of Jack was a major talking point in class.

When they discussed the book in school the repeated references of Jack reverting to a primal nature or Jack using fear to keep the other boys in line, Jack himself noticed an increasing number of sidelong glances being directed at him.

Brad was now in a different school and Beth had gravitated to the cheerleaders now that she had made the team. The cheerleaders were all about the football team in the fall. Over the winter they’d switch allegiance to the basketball team and in the spring soccer and baseball split their attentions. Jack had a feeling that Beth would be all about baseball come the spring. He couldn’t say he’d be too bothered by it.

When he got in trouble for Shane’s bullying he noticed that the number of ‘friends’ he had dissipated over-night. The only guys that would still hang out with him were his soccer teammates and even they were less boisterous and open than they had been before. The one difference was that the captain Tyler Givens, a senior this year, had taken particular notice of him and not in a cruel way.

Jack was somewhat suspicious. What would a senior want with a sophomore anyway? The rest of the team had followed Tyler’s lead and not ostracized him and Jack was left not knowing what to think or feel about it.

His whole life felt like that lately.

He finished his chapters and set the book down. He looked outside the French doors into the back patio. More leaves had drifted down from the trees. Normally, he’d get excited about this time of year because it meant his birthday was coming up.

He had no idea what he wanted other than for his life to make sense again. It wasn’t exactly something you could buy at a store or put in a box. If he had to go back and remember when he felt good about things it was right before Starr ran off with Cole to have sex. After that, things turned into a steaming pile of misery that just kept getting bigger. How many times had his mother almost died since then? It was ridiculous and that wasn’t even counting the times she almost died _before_ that... or the time they all thought she _was_ dead.

The worst was when his Dad, who apparently wasn’t even his Dad, decided that he just didn’t care that much about them anymore. And now this other guy was here and working like hell to connect with all of them. Starr believed him but she believed the other guy, too. Sam liked him but Sam was just a little kid. Jack watched his mother. She had been different from the moment she had seen the other guy.

And his Dad who wasn’t his Dad? He’d barely made any contact with him since the first round of DNA tests. Someone had tried to kill him and he had to find out through Starr and John McBain. His Dad who wasn’t his Dad hadn’t even bothered to tell him himself. Dani had talked to him a few times at school but she had her friend Destiny to talk to and, besides, she didn’t know what was going on. Dani wasn’t a Manning, he just didn’t see it. Mannings needed to know things and Dani just blithely went about her day without any curiosity as to what was really going on.

He looked at his Mom again to see her dabbing her eyes with a tissue and closing up her laptop. “Mom? You okay?”

“I’m fine,” she sniffed, her voice slightly shaky.

“You don’t look fine.”

She laughed lightly and shot him a teasing warning look. “I’m just going over the last eight years, writing down everything I can remember... it’s tough.”

“Why?”

“I’m reliving all the mistakes I’ve made,” she sighed. “Have you ever heard the expression ‘hindsight is 20/20?’” She got up from her chair and came over to sit next to him on the couch.

Jack nodded silently.

“Well, it’s true. When you look back at the decisions you’ve made you see exactly where you went wrong. And that’s what I’m seeing as I’m trying to piece together. It’s... depressing, to be honest.” She reached forward and flicked the one curl of Jack’s hair that always stuck out. “I know this all must be so hard and confusing for you. I wish I could make it all better.”

“It’s not like you have a time machine, Mom.”

Blair stared at him for a moment and then threw her head back and laughed.

“What?”

“You’re not going to like this,” Blair shook her head. “But your father, your real father, Todd, said those words to me once upon a time.”

“So,” Jack scowled. “Everyone always said I was just like Dad... now it means a completely different guy?”

“Victor was programmed to be like Todd,” Blair reminded him. “And at first he was like him... so much like him. Things began to change though...”

“Hindsight is 20/20?” Jack snarked.

“Yes, exactly,” Blair sighed. “You are like your father, though. And I want you to know, Jack, that isn’t a bad thing.”

Jack looked skeptical.

“Todd made a lot of mistakes in his life. A lot of them,” she laughed ruefully. “But he regretted them, too. And, in his own way, he tried to make up for them and he tried to be better. He knew when he was wrong, Jack. It’s truly one of his better features.”

Jack chewed on that thought. “You know, when he was here the other day, we talked a little bit.”

Blair found that encouraging. “Really? What about?”

“Just things... but I did tell him about Kelly having Duke’s baby.”

“Did you?” Blair’s amusement over that could not be denied. The sly grin on Jack’s face was precious. She could tell he enjoyed being the star of the moment regarding filling Todd in on various goings-on during his absence. “How’d he respond to that?”

“He thought it was funny and he was majorly grossed out, too,” Jack looked thoughtful. “Which was weird in a way because Victor always acted like he wanted to get it on with Kelly when she was here.”

“Yeah,” Blair sighed. “That 20/20 hindsight thing again. Todd never looked at Kelly as a woman. He always thought she was an idiot.”

“Mom,” Jack replied dryly. “ _You_ think she’s an idiot.”

“No!” Blair’s denial wasn’t exactly convincing. “All right... a little bit.”

Jack grinned and then sobered. “When we were talking about Kelly, Todd got this look on his face for a moment... it was like the look you get when you think about Kelly sometimes.”

“What look is that?”

“This angry, sad look...”

Blair blinked back the tears that suddenly threatened. No matter what, Kelly would always be the person that killed her baby... that left her almost dead on the side of the road... that lied about it while Todd was left raging at the injustice and letting his anger lead him down a road he couldn’t come back from.

“ _That_ look.” Jack pointed at Blair’s face. “You’re thinking about the baby Kelly killed, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” there was no point in pretending otherwise. “That moment... that night... it lead to a lot of heartache and misery between your father and I.”

“Hindsight again?”

Blair smiled. “Yeah, it’s one reason I try not to focus so much on the past... the painful parts of it, anyway. I just try to carry on.” She looked at Jack for several moments. “You’re a pretty observant kid, Jack Manning.”

“Duh,” he snorted.

“I’m sorry if I haven’t given you enough credit for that, honey,” Blair told him. “My problem is that I want my kids to be kids... I don’t want to have them grow up too fast. I know what that’s like and it’s not the best thing in the world. Don’t think that I haven’t noticed how smart and sensitive you are, Jack Manning.”

He always got a little embarrassed when his Mom fussed over him but it was nice all the same. “I’m done with my homework. Can I watch TV?”

“Sure,” Blair sent him upstairs to the rec room she had set aside for the kids. She stared up the stairs after him, a wistful smile on her face. Maybe her son, her sweet boy, was finally coming back. She wanted to do more for him, help him find his niche, and hoped that she would be able to do that for him. Victor’s influence over the last couple of years had been the most unfortunate. It bothered her because, early on, Victor had been wonderful to the kids.

She went back into the living room and opened her laptop again. When had it all gone wrong?

She typed in two words: The Execution.

**********************************************************

Todd had just made his appointment at the hospital when the phone rang. The phone Viki gave him ‘until he got everything straightened out’ didn’t have a whole lot of contacts in it. Obviously he had Viki, Starr and Blair listed. He also had his new lawyer listed. After that, he was pretty much flying blind.

When he answered the phone, John McBain’s gravelly voice greeted him. “Manning... you busy?”

“Why?” Todd asked warily. McBain didn’t strike him as a bad sort but Todd just didn’t respond well to cops. Period.

“We may have found a break in your case,” John replied. “I was hoping you could drop by and take a look.”

“Now?”

“If you can.”

“Okay,” Todd hung up, staring off into the distance pensively. _A break in my case_ , he thought. _Wonder_ what that means. His fingers itched to call Blair but he shoved his phone in his pocket and headed towards his car. He had intended to ask her to come with him to the hospital for his tests so he already had an excuse to talk to her. He was hesitant to put his hopes into anything McBain may have found.

His life didn’t tend to have too many good breaks in it.

When he got to the police station, an officer waved him towards John’s office without preamble. Todd knocked on the door and got a gruff “Come in” in response.

John was at his desk. The surprise was Tomas Delgado’s presence.

Todd stood in the doorway glancing between the two waiting for someone to say something.

“Shut the door, please,” John got up from his desk and leaned against it. “I’ve been doing a little digging.”

Todd shut the door and gave John a wary look. “My life doesn’t require digging.”

“I beg to differ,” John grinned slightly. “There is one great mystery that has plagued you for eight years.”

Now Todd’s interest was piqued.

“Maybe you can identify this...” John reached behind him onto his desk and held up the gold ring in front of Todd.

Todd knew the ring instantly. Victor Lord had given it to him on his deathbed, presumably his second deathbed, telling him that he was his heir. It was in the midst of the mess with Mitch when he had kidnapped Blair and in the aftermath of that, Blair had asked him to leave them all. He couldn’t remember a time since he’d met Blair when he had been so lost and miserable.

“Yeah, that’s...” just as he was about to say that it was Victor Lord’s ring, another memory flashed through his head. It was so intense and so surprising that it actually left him speechless.

He saw himself planting a chip inside the ring. He saw himself painting over the black stone in gold so that it looked exactly like it had when Victor gave it to him. The chip... he didn’t remember where he had gotten that but he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was the reason he had been locked up and kept from his family for eight long years. He sat down heavily in a chair, gripping the armrests so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

“Manning? You okay?”

Todd squeezed his eyes shut. He felt tears on his face as he looked up at the ring again and then met McBain’s eyes. “That’s it.”


	10. Chapter 10

When Todd finally dragged himself back to Viki’s, he raided the refrigerator and took a ridiculous amount of food up to his room. He locked the door and flopped down on the bed. He felt drained and emaciated. He wondered if he actually looked thinner because he felt every second of his eight years in captivity down to his toes.

They had found It.

The infamous _It_ that Irene had tortured him for had been in Victor’s possession all along. The irony was so great it was enough to make him vomit. They had gotten a hold of some equipment and let Todd do the honors of uncovering the chip from the ring. At that point, McBain had called in an officer named Fish who was some electronics wunderkind. Between him and Tomas, they were able to figure out how the chip worked. Todd’s memories remained muddled but he remembered bits and pieces.

Fish went home to retrieve a computer he had built in order to use it with the chip and said it would take awhile to make the components work together as well as filter through the information it had on it. At that point, McBain had told Todd to go home because they wouldn’t have any new information right away.

Todd was reluctant and hung around for a little bit but saw that it was basically a computer geek talking tech that he was eight years behind on. He eventually decided to leave but not without getting a firm promise from McBain that when they got the thing up and running they’d let him know so he could see what they found.

“I lost eight years of my life because of this thing,” he had told McBain, shooting daggers at Delgado as he did so. “Eight years with my children... with my wife... while some imposter came in and dismantled everything that I loved and cared about! You do _not_ keep me out of the loop now.”

He wanted to put it all behind him. He wanted whatever was on that chip to have the answers. He wanted his life back so he could concentrate on loving Blair, raising his kids, and being a family. He had made so many mistakes. He’d had happiness in his hands so many times and had thrown it away over stupid plots and schemes. He had watched Blair’s heart break too many times. Even now, she was more closed off and cautious than he had ever seen her before. He wanted to know what she had been through in these past eight years... who had hurt her to the point where she had turned into a walking fortress.

It was strange that he was the one wearing his heart on his sleeve and she was the one closed off. It was the opposite of how things had been when he came back from Ireland. The upside was that she wasn’t angry at him the way he had been angry at her so he had some room to work.

Todd sighed and grabbed a can of root beer. He opened it and guzzled it down, wiping his mouth when he was finished and letting out a terrific belch.

“Goodness!” a muffled voice came from the hall. “Todd?” a gentle knock at the door followed Viki’s query. “Are you in there?”

“Yeah,” he grumbled. He really needed to get out of this house. A man should be allowed to burp when he damn well wanted to without having to worry about offending the delicate sensibilities of his sister.

“Is everything all right?”

“Just want to be alone, Viki,” Todd replied.

There was a pause. “Todd, are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Yes,” he snapped. “I’m not on suicide watch, Viki, I just need some time to myself!”

“If that’s what you really want,” there was another pause, as if she were waiting for him to change his mind, and then he heard her moving away.

Todd flung himself back onto the bed and scrubbed at his face with his hands. He felt stuck and set apart from things all at the same time and he didn’t think he’d be able to truly move forward until he had his life back completely. He needed his identity confirmed so he could reclaim his name from his brother. Then he would have his money and his paper back and perhaps, based on what they found on the chip, he could oust Victor from his life once and for all.

****************************************

The buzzing of her cell phone pulled Blair out of slumber. She had it snapped open and was saying ‘Hello?’ in a sleep thickened voice before her eyes could even focus on the clock by her bed.

“Hey...”

Todd’s voice, equally throaty, made her flesh tingle. It took her back to the nights when they would lay in bed and talk after waking up and making love. She instinctively reached over to the other pillow, half expecting her fingers to touch his hair. When he wasn’t there she felt oddly disappointed. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah... I mean, yeah,” he stumbled over the words. “Sorry to call so late.”

She looked at her clock and saw the dim numbers glowing 3:28. “Okay,” she hedged. “What’s up?”

Todd didn’t answer for a moment. All Blair could hear was his breathing. “Well... I woke up.”

“Okay,” she settled back into the pillows and waited for him to explain.

“This happened to me a lot when I was... gone. I’d wake up... sometimes I didn’t know when I was or where I was. I mean, I never really knew where I was... but I’d wish I could talk to you... hear your voice... and when I woke up tonight, I thought the same thing. The only difference is that now I can actually do that.”

Blair wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. Why was she so utterly helpless to his bizarre charms? She had been from the very first. “Did you have a bad dream?”

“Not that I can remember. I didn’t even wake up sweating or nervous or upset... I just woke up.” He paused. “This house is creaky. I think it might be haunted.”

She laughed at that. “I don’t know about that.”

“Do you think it’s weird that Viki keeps living here considering everything that Victor did to her here?”

“I hadn’t really thought about it,” Blair replied. “Maybe she’s just reclaimed it for herself. I moved back into the penthouse with all of that crap furniture you bought for Tea after the things you and Tea did to me, after all.”

“That’s a good point,” Todd mused. “And I moved into Dorian’s mausoleum even after all the stuff with me and Marty that went down there.”

“What stuff would that be?”

“Oh,” there was a significant pause. “I never told you?”

“Never told me what?” Blair’s voice hardened. 

“Well, that’s where Marty used to live, you know.” Todd sounded extremely embarrassed. “And that’s where she and I... um... you know...”

“Fucked?!” Blair demanded.

“Yes,” Todd’s voice was small. “It was just the one time... before I raped her.”

“It better not have been in my room,” Blair said icily. “Or the room you and I slept in when we were married!”

“I don’t think so,” Todd answered. “Honestly, Blair, I really don’t remember.”

“Or are you covering your ass?”

“I don’t remember. Everything in that house looks different. Dorian completely dismantled it when she moved in. And apparently she did it again because it looks completely different from when I was here before.”

“Yeah, David did the last remodel,” Blair grumbled.

“And I did spend the night there with Marty before we got back together in the stables.”

An icy silence greeted that confession.

“I slept on the couch. I didn’t touch her,” Todd added hastily. “Remember when we went to lunch and you gave me my watch back?”

“When I asked if you were in love with Marty?”

The sound of Todd shuddering came through loud and clear on the phone. It made Blair feel a little better. “I got rid of that notion a little while later in the stables, didn’t I?”

Blair chuckled. “That’s the second time you’ve brought up the stables since you’ve been back.”

“Yeah...”

“Interesting.”

“Why is it interesting?”

“It’s not something you talked about much before. I guess I’m just curious...”

“We had a good time, didn’t we?”

“Yes,” Blair felt a familiar warmth spread through when she thought about that particular ‘date.’ The passion, the yearning, the delirious feeling of being in Todd’s arms again and knowing without a doubt that she loved him. “That was the first time we made love when I knew I loved you.”

“You didn’t know before?”

“I didn’t understand what love was before,” Blair sighed. “I didn’t realize that what I felt for you really was love. I was pretty stupid.”

He laughed. “We both were back then.”

“Sometimes it amazes me we even figured out how to have kids.”

Todd snorted. “That was the easy part.”

“Says the guy who had to be coaxed into bed in the first place,” Blair grinned into the dark. “I have never had such a hard time seducing someone as I did you. And that wasn’t even a stand alone moment! You were the most reluctant lover I’ve ever had. Early in our marriage... in our last marriage. And when you came back from Ireland I couldn’t get you into bed for anything.”

“Well, once you got me in there things were okay, right?”

Blair caught a hint of desperation in Todd’s voice. He had always been so uncertain about whether or not he pleased her. “They were more than okay,” she assured him. “The only complaint I could ever make about you, Todd, was that I never got enough.”

“We can fix that, you know.”

“I’m sure,” Blair grinned.

“I’m serious, babe,” he growled into the phone. “Your lost prince is home. You open those gates and I can be storming your castle in five minutes.”

“Wow. Romantic,” Blair said dryly.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Blair Cramer.”

“What would be the point? You’d just come back.”

His low chuckle sent a delicious shiver up her spine. “Look, I do have a favor to ask.”

“Ah,” Blair nodded. “At last the truth comes out.”

“I was going to ask the next time I saw you anyway. I just remembered this. I made an appointment at the hospital... my attorney ordered it. I’m supposed to get a whole work up done. X-rays, physical, the whole nine yards... I was kind of hoping you’d come with me.”

“Why?” Blair hated hospitals. She’d lost three children, had a stroke, flat-lined a couple of times and almost been raped in one. She preferred to avoid them.

“Because I hate hospitals and kinda wanted you to be my moral support.”

Blair groaned slightly. “When is your appointment?”

“Tomorrow morning at 9.”

“When were you going to ask me this again?”

“Um... probably tomorrow at 8:45,” he waited. “So will you?”

The fact that he was asking and admitted why he wanted her there broke her resolve. “Fine. Okay. I can meet you over there...”

“I’ll come get you,” Todd offered. “I’ll even come early... maybe see the kids off to school.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to.”

Blair sighed knowing she had lost this one. “All right, well, in that case, I’m going to get as much more sleep as I can. So I’m going to hang up now.”

“Night babe...”

“Night Todd.”


	11. Chapter 11

They sat rigidly, side by side, in the waiting room. Their eyes darted about as nurses and doctors moved swiftly and silently through the room to tend to other matters. As time seemed to stretch out Blair noticed Todd’s breathing grow a little more shallow. When he gripped the armrests of the chair, she looked down at his hands only to see him release them and start doing a strange sort of calisthenic with his fingers. They tightened and moved raggedly, index finger to thumb... middle finger to thumb... so on down the line only to start over again.

Blair looked up at his face. His eyes were squeezed shut and his breath grew more shallow. Then he started whispering to himself. “I have a daughter. Her name is Starr. Starr has a mother. Her name is Blair. Blair was my wife. I had another wife. Her name is Tea. I have a son. His name is Jack. I have a sister, Viki. I trust her above all others... I have a daughter. Her name is Starr.”

“Todd,” Blair placed her hand on his.

His eyes snapped open at her touch. He looked at her hand on his then at her.

“Get a grip, big guy.”

He breathed out a bark of laughter. “You know, if Viki were here she’d be all ‘Todd? Todd? Are you all right?’ fussing over me like a mother hen. You tell me to get a grip.” He took a deep breath. “I always did like you.”

“Thanks,” Blair smiled. “You’re getting too in your own head. You need to think about something else.”

“Something other than antiseptic smells, stark decor and heavy machinery that I’m going to be getting physically attached to...” Todd’s breathing started to come faster. “Too much like Irene’s paramilitary complex of horrors.”

“Victor Lord Jr,” Blair announced. “Kevin Buchanan. Spencer Truman. Christian Vega. John McBain. Elijah Clarke.”

Todd stared at her. “What?”

“Those are all the men I had sex with while you were gone,” Blair explained. “I figured I’d better just tell you and get it over with.”

“You slept with Kevin?!”

“Todd Manning?” A nurse came in, looking at them expectantly.

“Hey, it’s your turn,” Blair said brightly. “Go and get whatever done.”

“You slept with _Kevin_?”

“Yep,” Blair shooed him off the chair. “Have fun!”

“And _McBain_?”

“Yep,” she chirped. “Even married that one! Now you can stew over all of that instead of fretting yourself into a panic attack.” She shoved him towards the nurse. “Off you go! Quick like a bunny!”

Todd skulked after the nurse his mind racing over the list of names Blair had given him. She slept with Kevin? How did that even happen? She hated Kevin! And the Vega kid? He thought he had warned Vega off of Blair years ago. And McBain? She had married McBain?!

How had that even happened? And who the hell were those other guys? Spencer Truman? Elijah Clarke? He needed to hit up the LlanNet search and find out more about these guys.

Blair flipped through an outdated issues of People without really seeing any of the articles. “Way to take one for the team, Blair,” she muttered to herself. “Get him angry at you so he stops freaking out and doing that crazy litany again.” She had recognized what he was doing and saying because he had done the same thing when he had been sick with fever up in the cabin. It was a coping mechanism, that much was obvious.

Well, he would have found out about her trail of lovers sooner or later. She wasn’t going to hide anything like she had after Ireland. If he wanted to hate her for all of it so be it. At least she was the one to tell him.

She kind of hoped he’d just be angry. If he wanted to know more she wouldn’t know what to do. She hated talking about most of those men and what had prompted her to sleep with them and how they had each wrecked her.

“Now, I’m depressed.”

*******************************************************

“Okay, Mr. Manning, we’re done.”

“What?” Todd looked at the nurse, who backed up slightly.

“We’re done,” she held her clipboard in front of her like a shield. “The only thing I’d point out is that your blood pressure is a little high. Granted, you seem very angry so that might explain that. I would recommend your taking it at home to see if it comes down. As for the rest of the tests, we’ll have them processed and let you know when they’re ready. So you can get dressed and go.” She rattled off everything like a machine gun and lunged for the door before Todd could say anything else.

He had been so worked up thinking about Blair’s various sex partners he hadn’t even realized what was going on.

“That woman’s a genius.”

*******************************************************

“So... where to?”

“You can drop me off at the club,” Blair said, slinging her purse over her shoulder. “I’ve got some work to do before the kids get out of school.”

“Can I come?”

Blair gave him a hesitant look. 

“Come on, Blair,” he wheedled. “I’ve got nothing to do! I can’t do much of anything until this identity thing is resolved. I hate hanging out at Llanfair because it’s already got too many Buchanans in it. I’m bored.”

“Oh, fine,” Blair groused.

“By the way, I ran into Addie at the park yesterday.”

“Did you?” A grin tugged at the corners of her mouth. “How’d that go?”

“You didn’t tell me she was out of St. Anne’s.”

“Just didn’t get around to it. Things have been fairly busy,” she reminded him. “And there have been far more important things to take care of than filling you in on my stupid life.”

“I want to _know_ about your stupid life.”

“Well, Todd,” she sighed. “Telling you that Mama was out of St. Anne’s didn’t seem a priority compared to digging a bullet out of you.”

“She told me she was the one who told Max about your fake pregnancy all those years ago,” Todd pulled into the parking lot at Capricorn. “I never knew that.”

“It wasn’t important.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because it’s true!” Blair got out of the car and went to the back door of the club, opening it to go inside and check on things. Her chef had the kitchen well in hand, sorting through fresh ingredients with his sous and going over the menu. Blair continued through and went to the back office to get her figures. “What would telling you have accomplished?”

“I don’t know but it would have been nice to know anyway!”

“Like I’d rat out my own mother,” Blair snapped. “Max did her the dirty... it wasn’t _her_ fault. She didn’t know any better and it’s not like telling you would have changed anything.” She sat down in her office chair and closed her eyes. “Those were not good times... to lose everything I had come to love and I couldn’t even get mad at the person who ratted me out. I told Mama not to trust him but she’d get stuck on an idea and refuse to let it go... ‘Max was her friend’, ‘I really loved Cord’, she didn’t understand what was really going on...” she kicked the leg of her desk angrily.

“Blair...”

“What?”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about it?”

“When?” Blair turned to look at him. “When we were getting back together? Yeah, I think the best thing in the world for me to do was to bring up the reason we broke up in the first place. You were suspicious of every breath I took, remember?”

“That’s because every time I turned around you were cuddling up to David Vickers!”

“And Tina couldn’t _wait_ to tell you all about it,” Blair sneered. “Have you been bonding with protective big sis since you’ve been back? Has she hit you up to write her into your will again yet?”

Todd smirked. Tina had been fairly outspoken about sharing his money but he wasn’t having any of it. Any time he saw her now she was cuddling up with Cord and fussing over Jessica, Natalie and their two babies. He was happy to keep her there. And he didn’t want to get into with Blair about their past with Tina or even the history that they had put behind them long ago. He wanted to know more about what she had been up to while he was gone.

“So tell me about this marriage to McBain...”

“Oh my God,” Blair muttered, burying her face in her hands. “Why?!”

“I’m trying to fill the gaps, Blair,” Todd cajoled. He could practically see the walls going up around her. An iron curtain surrounded by barbed wire. She was the living embodiment of the Cold War.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she shrugged. “It lasted all of three months and wasn’t even consummated.”

“But you said you had sex with him.”

“Before we got married, we had a relationship,” Blair’s focus was on her paperwork. She refused to even look at him. “The marriage was one of convenience.”

“Why?”

“Victor was trying to get custody of the kids while I was in the hospital.”

“Why were you in the hospital?”

“Powell tried to murder me.”

It was like every ounce of breath left him. “What?”

The tone of his voice sounded alien even to him... he hadn’t heard himself sound like that since the time Blair accused him of being happy that their baby had died. The thought, the mere _thought_ , that his sick ex-frat brother Powell had laid his hands on Blair and tried to _murder_ her... the very idea that Powell might have snuffed her life out while he was strapped to a chair and unable to do anything about it frightened him to his very core.

Blair shot a glance in his direction. “Look, it’s okay. I’m alive and kicking. It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s a big deal to _me_!” Todd could barely get the words out. “Where the hell was Victor in all of this? The guy pretending to be me? Where was he when Powell was trying to kill you?”

“This was after the Marty/Todd love affair,” Blair replied sharply. “I wasn’t exactly on speaking terms with him. He had called earlier threatening me because I wouldn’t let him see the kids although after what he did to Starr and to Marty I don’t think anyone could really blame me... and he showed up at the house immediately after I’d been stabbed...”

“Powell _stabbed_ you?!”

“Three or four times,” Blair shrugged. “Victor was actually the first suspect in trying to kill me.”

Todd could barely wrap his mind around any of this. “They thought that _I_ would try to kill you? Try to _stab_ you to death?”

Blair slapped her hands on the desk. “Todd, I was unconscious. I was fighting for my life. I don’t know what they thought or how they went about any of it, okay? I don’t remember a lot of it and I don’t particularly like to dwell on it. You want details? Ask John.”

“Where was _he_ when this happened?”

“Saving Marty of course,” Blair’s voice dropped to guttural mutter. “I tried to break up with John at least three times before Powell got to me because I was certain that John wanted to get back together with her. Each time he swore that he wanted to be with me... John was in my house, in my _bed_ when Marty called again... I told him not to bother coming back if he went to her. Of course he did. Afterwards, when Victor was trying to take the kids away from me, Dorian hired Tea of all people to represent me and she went with her tried and true ‘get married to get the kids’ ploy!’” A humorless laugh escaped her. “I tried to tell John no but he felt so guilty about leaving me that night that he just wanted to do anything to make it up to me and I couldn’t do much of anything so I finally agreed... it worked for about a week because he took off almost immediately to chase after Marty again. Oh, and in the midst of that, my lawyer, Tea, started having sex with Victor. See, she thought having sex with _you_ was way more important than ensuring my children’s safety and because of that she lost my case in appeals.

“Someone’s idea of a sick joke. I married two men, three if you count Victor, and each one of them couldn’t wait to ditch me to go running off after Marty Saybrooke.” Blair picked up a paperweight from her desk and hurled it at the wall.

Todd jumped to his feet when she threw it. His first instinct was to defend himself against the accusation that he had left her for Marty but, at the same time, there was a ring of truth to it. And when he looked at Blair, rigid in pain, there was only one thing he could do.

“Come here,” he whispered, moving towards her and engulfing her in his arms.

She remained stiff and unyielding at first but he did not relent, rocking her gently in his arms and whispering soothing words to her until he felt her hands on his back. Her fingers dug into his jacket and he felt her body slowly melt against his. He held her tightly and felt her shiver and then shake as the tears overwhelmed her.

For as long as he’d known her, Blair hated to cry. She certainly hated to cry in front of people and always did her best to not give in. It was ironic because two out of the three first times he met her she was crying.

As much as he intended to just be there for her, he couldn’t help but revel in the fact that he had her in his arms again. For as long as he’d been back Blair had remained distant. He’d only been able to touch her a few times and he savored the feel of her now. Her soft cries only made him hold her tighter. He had dreamt of doing this countless nights and he had a strange clash of emotions as he was torn between being happy that no other man had truly appreciated her while he was gone and being angry that no one had been able to see the treasure that she was and love her the way she deserved.

Her cries subsided but she didn’t pull away. Todd took the opportunity to indulge. He wound her tresses about his fingers, rubbing them softly and breathing in the scent of her shampoo and perfume. She smelled of exotic flowers and he closed his eyes to take it all in.

For Blair’s part, she was also taking the opportunity to indulge in Todd’s scent. He always reminded her of the sea... of a rocky coast with wild winds and the taste of salt on her lips. Despite all of the heat he gave off there was always something fresh and wild about him. Instinctively, she turned her face into his neck the way she always did, nestling there in his arms as if it were home.

And she supposed it was.

She felt his fingers playing with her hair and briefly wondered how long they would stand there like that. Would forever be enough?

No. Forever would never be enough time. She would always want more.


	12. Chapter 12

Tomas came back to the house late. He was surprised to find Tea up, papers strewn about her, and a cup of tea on the table.

“Hi,” she said wearily, as she viewed him coming in.

“What are you still doing up?”

“Working on this identity case...” she sighed. “Figuring out a way to hold on...”

“You need a different strategy, pajarita,” he interrupted before looking around. “Where’s Victor?”

“Asleep,” Tea gave her brother a shrewd look. “What are you talking about?”

Tomas sat down next to her. “These tricks and feints that you perform in the courtroom are not going to work against fact.”

“Fact doesn’t mean as much in the courtroom as you might think,” Tea replied loftily. “Perception is far more fluid than people believe it to be which makes them so easily manipulated.”

“The way you were manipulated into thinking that man upstairs is Todd Manning?”

Tea’s face flushed.

“Admit it, Tea,” Tomas said kindly. “You were fooled just like everyone else.”

“That doesn’t matter,” she insisted. “What matters is what I can prove.”

“If you continue down the road you’re on,” Tomas told her. “You will lose.”

“What do you know?”

“Far more than you,” he stood up. “Your best option is to make some sort of peace with Todd. The real Todd. He may take pity on you but he will not take pity on your husband. He may not even take pity on you if I’m to believe half the things they’ve said about him.”

“Todd loved me,” Tea insisted.

Tomas moved swiftly and silently off of the couch to shut the doors of the living room. He turned back to his sister, speaking in harsh, low tones. “Is that what you told yourself? Is that what you tell yourself now?” He shook his head. “I was there in that room when he came forward. He spared a glance for you when he grew desperate to prove he was who he claimed to be but it was Blair he wanted... it was Blair that he needed to believe in him... it was Blair he was focused on from the start... I saw him kiss her like a man who had been away from his heart for eight years.

“Pajarita, when I found him he was holding on to a picture of their wedding day. He whispered her name, not yours. If he loved you it was the barest, flickering candle compared to the inferno that burns for Blair... that _still_ burns for her.”

Tea’s chin lifted. “She dumped you, didn’t she?”

“She did,” Tomas nodded. “Because I lied to her from the moment she showed up at my door. Because I sat on what I knew not just for eight years but when I came here and knew things were not as they seemed. They were going to kill him, you know.”

Her eyes widened. “They... were?”

“Would you have been happier if they had?” Tomas asked. “If he had never escaped and returned here you would have been ‘Todd Manning’s’ true love. Would you have prefered it if he had died and you had kept that particular vanity?”

“That’s a horrible thing to say, Tomas.”

“Truth often is, I’ve found.” Tomas sighed. “Just know that all of the things you have in Todd Manning’s name, this house, this marriage, is not actually _in_ his name. Your life is going to change and what you have to do, my sister, is figure out what it is you _really_ want. That man sleeping upstairs is not Todd Manning but if he _is_ what you want you had best prepare him for what lies ahead. The life he took is about to be over and no trick you pull in court is going to change that.”

He turned and opened the doors, going upstairs to sleep. He had carried a fantasy with him for eight years. He wondered how long his sister had carried hers. They both had them within reach and they both had it taken away by a harsh but undeniable truth. Todd Manning and Blair Cramer never loved either one of them. And they never would.

************************************************

It wasn’t until the next evening that Tea went in search of Todd. She started at Llanfair hoping he would be there and that Viki might be a calming influence on her volatile brother. If she could get Viki to be sympathetic to her and Victor’s case, all the better. 

“Tea come in,” Viki said once she was announced. “What can I do for you?”

“Is Todd here?”

“No,” Viki shook her head. “He’s at Capricorn.”

“I should have guessed,” Tea muttered under her breath.

Viki took note of Tea’s response. Remembering the comments Todd made about his relationship with Tea she decided to test the waters. “Blair’s singing tonight.”

Tea’s smile was tight. “Is she?”

“Todd has been talking about it all day,” it wasn’t a lie, either. As the day had progressed Todd became more and more excited.

_“I haven’t heard her sing in years,” he said. “Years. And now she sings at her club regularly? I’ll be there every night she’s at the mike, I promise that.”_

_“That’s very nice, Todd.”_

_“Have you ever heard her sing? Blair’s got a beautiful voice. She sounds like an angel.”_

_“She sang at Bo and Nora’s wedding.”_

_“Why the hell would she do that?”_

_“The person they had scheduled got laryngitis. She filled in at the last minute.”_

_“Well? She’s got a pretty voice, doesn’t she?”_

_“Yes, she does.”_

_“What did she sing? She didn’t sing that stupid Nat King Cole song, did she?”_

_“No... she sang a different song... something about love. Simply love or something like that.”_

_There was a long pause._

_“Todd?”_

_“That’s the first song I ever heard her sing...”_

“I’m sure he has,” Tea said dully. “He’s been very focused on Blair since he got back.”

Viki regarded Tea carefully. “He’s always been focused on Blair. I suspect you know that.”

“She’s always been there first,” Tea replied. “Even with Victor, she was there first.”

“But Victor doesn’t love her the way he loves you,” Viki said kindly.

“He did once, though, didn’t he?”

“No,” Viki smiled gently. “He loved her, or tried to love her, the way Todd did. But he wasn’t Todd. No one loves Blair the way Todd does.”

“Excuse me, Viki,” Tea sighed. “I really have to find him.”

************************************************

His table had a perfect view of the stage which shouldn’t have surprised her. Blair wasn’t singing yet so Tea plopped down in the other chair at his table.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Todd demanded, his expression stormy.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Blair is about to sing. Sit somewhere else.” He craned his neck to see around Tea. 

“This is important, Todd.”

“Is Dani hurt?”

“No.”

“Then sit over there and wait until Blair’s done. You’re in the way.” He pointed at a nearby table and glared at her until she got up and moved.

The lights in the club lowered as Blair took the stage to welcoming applause. The piano began a gentle, lilting tune and Blair lifted the microphone to sing:

_Stay by me and let this moment last._  
Please take these lips  
Even if I have been kissed a million times. 

_And I don’t care if there is no tomorrow_  
I could die here in your arms  
Even if the stars have made us blind   
We’re blind  
We’re blind  
So blind in love... 

Tea looked over at where Todd sat. He leaned on one hand, gazing up at the stage with a gentle smile on his face. She had never seen that smile before. She had never seen the expression on his face before. She sat there, again, feeling very foolish.

If she had known he had looked at Blair that way maybe she wouldn’t have tried so hard to make things between them work. If she had known that smile existed, she wouldn’t have believed Victor was him and that he had chosen her.

Or would she?

She had wasted years of her life hoping Todd would look at her the way he was looking at Blair now. She had yearned for Dani to be his so she would have the same claim over him that Blair had. But she knew she could never have that.

She wished Dani wasn’t Todd’s with all of her heart because now she only wanted to leave behind the life she had desperately reached for with Todd and create a new one with Victor. Tomas was right, she had to prepare her husband for their life as Victor and Tea... the life of Todd and Tea was never real.

Quietly, she slipped out of her chair and left the club before Blair finished her song and the lights came up again. She would talk to Todd later.

She needed to plan.

************************************************

“You know, I am perfectly capable of getting myself to and from work.”

“I like driving you,” Todd grinned into the dark. “Once I get my paper back I’m going to have to give up this chauffeur job anyway. It gives us some one on one time, too.”

“You’re feeling pretty confident, then?”

“I am Todd Manning,” he said firmly. “And it will be proven in a court of law. Tea showed up at the club trying to talk to me tonight before you started singing.”

“She did?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “She slipped out during your song but she’s been pretty adamant about avoiding me altogether since she ran out of ways to tell me that Victor had sex with her when I wouldn’t. I’m thinking she had a reason to seek me out tonight and it’s because she’s not feeling as secure in her win as she might.”

“A reasonable deduction,” Blair mused. “You think she’ll try to appeal to your better nature?”

“I’m sure she’ll appeal to whatever she can. She’s not exactly the most moral lawyer that ever was.”

“I thought you liked that about her.”

“Like is kind of a strong word,” Todd shook his head. “It was useful to what I wanted at the time. But at the time what I wanted really wasn’t in my best interest. I think she knew that and preyed on it all the same.” He paused. “She’s not going to win this. Victor isn’t me and he never was.”

“He did do his best to get rid of all your records,” Blair said.

“What?”

“When we were supposed to get married as Todd and Blair,” she explained. “He came into the diner all depressed because he couldn’t get a marriage license. He said that when he came to town as Walker, he did everything he could to wipe out all trace of Todd Manning. I remember thinking it was an odd thing to do if he was posing as a completely other guy.”

“Have you told anyone about this?”

“I’ve got it all written down in my journal,” Blair said. “Asa ‘helped’ in the erasing Todd Manning project and we had to blackmail him into using his connections to get it restored.”

“This could be really helpful, you know,” Todd told her.

“I’m aware of that, Todd. That’s why I’ve been writing it all down, reliving the past eight years, so I have all that information to give to your lawyer.”

He stared out onto the streets ahead of them for a moment. “You’ve been doing that?”

“Yes,” Blair affirmed. “When Jack does his homework, I sit down and write it all out and read it and reread it and relive all of it.”

“That’s amazing.”

“Why?” Blair looked at him. “I _told_ you I was on your side. What in the decades long history of our relationship would give you the impression that I won’t help you when I say I will? When have I ever left you high and dry? Why do you act so god-damn surprised when I try to help you?”

“Maybe I don’t deserve your help.”

“Stop it,” Blair said wearily. “You suffered for eight years, okay? You were held captive, tortured, God knows what else... you didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve the treatment Peter Manning gave you. You didn’t deserve any of it, okay? Viki didn’t deserve what happened to her. Jessica didn’t deserve what happened to her. And Victor, like it or not, didn’t deserve to be raised by your psychotic mother in whatever compound she called home. None of us get what we deserve... it’s called life and you either accept what’s happened and move forward or curl up and die. You didn’t last eight years in that hell only to escape and whine about not deserving help. You are stronger than that. So just accept my help and stop acting like it’s some strange and unusual occurrence. I’ve helped you out when we were far less friendly than we are now.”

Well, that was Blair. Todd found himself smiling in the darkness. Sometimes, it was like trying to hug a cactus. “You sang great tonight.”

“Thanks.”

“That song was really something.”

“It’s just a song, Todd.”

“It’s never just a song, Blair.” He glanced at her silhouette in the car. “I know you better than that.” They drove in silence for a few moments. “I _will_ stay by you.”

“Todd...” Blair sighed again. “Look, just focus on getting your identity straightened out, okay? You’ve missed out on a lot of your life and the only thing you should be concerned with right now is getting your name back, your paper, the things that Victor took from you. You really shouldn’t be concerned with me.”

“I don’t even know what that means,” Todd told her. “Ever since I met you I’ve been concerned with you.”

“It’s just that you’ve got so much on your plate...”

“So?”

“So, getting all of that back should be the priority.”

“Even when I get everything back it’s not going to mean anything if I don’t have you, too.”

“Todd...”

He pulled into the driveway and shut off the car. “What did they do to you, Blair? What did they do these past eight years to make you think that you weren’t worth fighting for, too?”

She didn’t reply. She just stared down at her hands clenched her in lap.

Todd got out of the car and went to open her door and help her out. “It’s like one step forward and two steps back with you,” he said as they walked to the door. “I’m not giving up. You’re going to tell me what the hell has gone on with you while I was gone.”

“When you get everything back you’ll have way too much to focus on than getting into my recent past.”

“I’ll always make time for you, Blair.”

She smiled sadly. “We’ll see. You should get home.”

“My home is right here,” he ran his fingers over her heart, feeling her pulse beneath them. “It always has been.”

She closed her eyes and sighed softly. He watched her face, watched her try to remain stoic, watched her walls remain strong but he could tell there were cracks. He would get in and he would take care of her and protect her the way he always meant to. Patience was something he had never been good at but Blair was worth it and he intended to prove that to her.

He moved his hand to hers and pressed the delicate flesh of the inside of her wrist against his lips.

More than anything he wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her until the sun came up. He wanted to take her inside to the room they used to share and hold her and make love to her. He laid his hand on the side of her face and looked into her eyes. He had never known anyone so beautiful, so fragile and so strong. His thumb brushed over her lips and with great effort, he backed away and broke contact.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Blair sings is 'Stay By Me' by the ever fierce Annie Lennox


	13. Chapter 13

“What are you doing up?” Todd came back to Llanfair to find Viki nursing another cup of tea. “It’s two in the morning.”

“Natalie was up with Liam... and then Ryder woke up and Jess was up with him... I wasn’t going to be getting back to sleep any time soon so I helped the girls out and now I’m reading and enjoying some tea.” She watched him as he rooted in the refrigerator for something to eat. “How was Blair tonight?”

“I love to hear her sing,” he replied, coming back to the table empty-handed. “But man, it’s a constant battle just to be near her. You know what she said tonight? She said I shouldn’t concern myself with her... that I should just concentrate on getting my identity straightened out.”

“That actually seems very practical...”

“Who cares about practical?” Todd asked. “Just yesterday I had her in my arms. She was crying and I got to hold her and be there for her. She sings this amazing love song and then... ‘gee Todd, I’m really not what you should be focusing on here.’ The woman drives me crazy.”

Viki hid a smile. “And yet, you wouldn’t be without her for the world.”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“Tea was looking for you earlier.”

“She found me.”

“What did she want?”

“Don’t know,” Todd shrugged. “She sat down in front of me right as Blair’s about to sing so I told her to move and wait until Blair was done. She was gone by the time Blair finished.”

“Might have been important,” Viki offered.

“If it was important, she would have waited.”

“It might have been about Danielle.”

“I asked, she said it wasn’t.” Todd leaned back in his chair. “I think she’s attempting to parley with the enemy. Maybe she’s beginning to realize that she can’t pull her ‘get married to someone quick’ game in the courtroom to give her a win.”

Viki sipped her tea quietly. She remembered being rather appalled at the fraudulent marriage Tea and Todd had engaged in to win custody of Starr, especially knowing that Todd still loved Blair. She couldn’t pinpoint exactly when she changed her mind and decided to encourage the relationship. It all seemed so long ago.

“Speaking of which,” Todd continued. “I understand Blair married John McBain.”

“Yes,” Viki regarded Todd coolly. “And?”

“What was that about?”

Viki sighed. “As I recall, Victor was trying to take over custody of the children while Blair was in the hospital. I can’t say I agreed with his timing or his methods. Attacking when Blair was fighting for her life that way...”

“Is something I’d do?”

Viki nodded. “It’s exactly what you _did_ do when you left her with nothing while she was in a coma, isn’t it?”

“I was scared to death back then, Viki,” Todd explained. “Blair was so angry at me... and the world... and Dorian was coming after me...”

“What would you have done differently?”

“I would have fought for both of them,” Todd said. “I would have... I didn’t have to marry Tea. I had primary custody of Starr. Blair _gave_ that to me while she was recovering! Dorian didn’t have any proof to back her claims.” He sighed. “I just wish I hadn’t come home to find her with Thornheart. It was like coming home to some nightmare.”

“Don’t blame her, Todd,” Viki told him. “I was encouraging her to move on. We all were.”

Todd glowered at his sister. “With _him_?”

Viki looked somewhat abashed. “I didn’t realize he was the reason you were shot at the time.”

“That’s one of the reasons Blair went after him!” Todd exclaimed. “That and she knew Marty wanted him so she decided to take the man Marty wanted because she felt that Marty had taken me.” He leaned his elbows on the table. “She said something tonight about marrying three men who couldn’t wait to leave her for Marty...”

“I think she might be exaggerating a bit,” Viki replied.

“I left her the day after we got married. The day after,” Todd leaned his head on his hands. “It’s honestly one of my biggest regrets. I’ve re-imagined my life so many times. What if I never got on that plane? What if I just sent my pilot to get Marty? What if I stayed with Blair and let Marty make her own choices? We would have built that house on the mountain... and had six or seven kids... I’d have been there for each birth. I would have seen my kids take their first breaths and not feel anything but pride and love.

“We would have taken over the world.”

Viki smiled. “And now?”

“And now, I see Blair and she’s hurt. She’s bleeding inside every day because everyone she’s ever put her faith in has let her down. And it kills me to know that the I’m the love of her life but I’m the one who has let her down the most. I should have always had her back... always been on her side... but I didn’t and I wasn’t. I didn’t treat her right and she looks at me like a wild thing that’s been trapped in a cage. She goes between fight and flight. She gets all sharp and pointy at me like she’s trying to provoke me into treating her the way I’ve done before. She’s waiting for the other shoe to drop... she’s _expecting_ it.

“I keep wondering... would it have been better to have someone love her while I was gone? To have someone take care of her and protect her and not let her down and leave her on her own? I don’t know... and I don’t know how to reach out to her and show her that I’m not that man that hurt her and left her to fend for herself anymore. When I say I’m on her side I mean it. I’ll be the first one to back her, and defend her... and I’d rather die than be the one to hurt her again.”

“Todd...”

“How do I show her that?”

Viki shrugged. “I don’t know. But then I don’t know Blair the way you do.”

“Nobody does.”

“Well, then, that’s what you’ve got going for you, Todd. If you’re the one who knows Blair best then you’ll find a way to show her what she needs to see to believe in you again.”

============================

The September sun was still warm and Blair took advantage of the weather. She stretched out on the lounge chair by the pool a book in hand... the book lay slack against her side as she gazed at the water with half-closed eyes. The warmth of the sun, and the light sparkling off the water lulled her into a peaceful almost meditative state. Her mind wandered...

A shadow under the water caught her eye. She watched it move across the pool until two hands reached up over the side and Todd heaved himself out of the water. He stood there, drenched, reaching up with both hands to push his wet hair back.

Blair admired his broad shoulders and strong arms. She watched the water run down his body, over the dusting of chest hair on his pecs that was flattened and dark against his skin, further down over his stomach and navel. The weight of the water pulled his shorts down almost obscenely low but she didn’t mind as it gave her a delicious view of his hip flexors and the tantalizing trail of hair that started just below his navel and crept further south.

He caught her gazing at him and smiled. He turned and walked towards her slowly, his eyes capturing hers before sliding over her body. She could feel her entire body tingling as he approached. Leaning over, he placed one hand on each of the armrests of her chair. His eyes flickered to her lips and then met her own gaze again. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and he leaned closer. She saw his lips part as he moved in...

“Blair?”

Her eyes snapped open, searching the yard quickly for whoever it was that interrupted her daydream. “Cris!”

He looked sheepish. As if he knew he had interrupted something. “Your housekeeper said you were out here.”

Blair sat up. “Hi... what’s going on?”

“I’ve got the new schedules for the next two weeks and I needed to get your approval for them.”

“Oh,” she nodded, waving him over. “Sure.” She fanned herself with her book, glancing towards the water longingly before shaking her head. Was she really so weak?

Cris waited as she went over the schedule and the other papers he had brought with him. “So... how are you doing?”

She looked up at him curiously. “I’m great. It’s a beautiful day, I’m just taking a moment for myself. It’s wonderful.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he replied seriously. “How are _you_ doing?”

“Oh, come on, Cris,” Blair waved her hand dismissively. “You don’t want to hear about all the drama going on in my life.”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know,” Cris insisted. “You brought Todd to Capricorn the other night. Then he came to see you sing. I guess the whole story about where he’s been and the Todd we thought was here wasn’t really Todd is pretty far out.”

“That’s putting it lightly,” Blair nodded.

“So... how are _you_? I mean, it’s pretty obvious that Todd is into you. What’s going on with your end of things?”

Blair shot him a suspicious look. “Why are you so interested?”

Cris smiled gently. “Because I know you’ve been through a lot while he was gone and I thought you might need a friend to talk to.”

“Yeah, a friend who’s as tight with Tea as you are?”

Cris frowned. “I thought you and Tea were friends now?”

Blair hesitated. “We’re not exactly enemies but she’s not a confidant, either.”

“Ah,” Cris nodded. “Well, I’m not surprised. I mean, you don’t really confide in _anyone_ much less someone you have such a complicated history with.” He sighed. “Tea preys on weakness... even with those she considers family. To trust someone you have to believe that they’ve got your back no matter what. I understand.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be close to her?” Blair asked. “That’s an interesting way to talk about her.”

“I was never close to Tea. I was a kid when we all lived back in the neighborhood together. She was close with Mami. And ‘Tonio. Not me.” He sat down in one of the deck chairs and pulled it closer to her. “All I’m saying is, if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

Blair sighed. No one had made the offer to listen to her since... Eli. She rubbed her eyes with one hand. He had offered to listen and things came pouring out and he wound up being a monster. “I don’t have a lot of luck with talking to people about... personal things.”

“Why not?”

“Because no one understands,” Blair said heatedly. “And I sound so stupid when I say that but it’s true. I can’t talk to anyone about Todd because everyone is already against him. They’re too busy trying to come up with reasons for me to not have anything to do with him to actually listen to me. I get it... Dorian really does want what’s best for me and I appreciate that but even if Todd had never hurt me she’d still be against him because she hates him. Kelly’s useless. Cassie isn’t around and even though she tries she just doesn’t understand either.”

“What about Addie?”

“Mama’s...” Blair shrugged. “Mama’s living her life as best she can right now. I can’t talk to her about all of this stuff because she just doesn’t have any real frame of reference.”

“Starr?”

“Starr is my daughter,” Blair replied sharply. “She’s not the person for me to talk to about the fears and uncertainties I have about her father.”

“Fears?”

Blair shrugged.

Cris sighed. “Blair, we’ve known each other for a long time and we’ve been friends for a long time. Whatever I feel about Todd doesn’t matter. I’m not going to try to talk you out of anything. It wouldn’t work anyway,” he bumped her leg with his foot. “But I can see you’re really struggling... you’ve got to talk to someone before you explode... even if it’s just to hear the words out loud. Anything you say to me will go with me to my grave.”

Blair studied Cris for a long time. At long last, she sighed and shook her head. “I’m scared to death.”

==============================

Todd sat as quietly as he could as Officer Fish carried on a monologue regarding the chip and the information it contained. Eight years was a long time when it came to computers and even though the chip itself had been in hibernation as long as he had, the technology it was able to connect with had not.

“We’ve set up a completely solitary system in order to filter this information in order to keep our own databases safe,” Fish explained. “We have been pouring through the information and there is quite a bit to go through. What we’ve been able to identify is... very compelling.”

Todd glanced over at John. “Have you found anything that connects the information to Victor?”

John shook his head. “No. It’s mostly documentation on Irene’s contacts. We have Delgado going over a lot of it because he has the most knowledge. We’re about to okay calling in his buddy Calmar. What we’re seeing so far gives us a pretty good understanding of why Irene wanted this back so badly. How did you get a hold of it in the first place?”

“I don’t know,” Todd replied quietly. “I don’t remember a lot of that...” “It” was everything that took him away and kept him from his family. Todd wondered if he locked down those memories so tightly as a means of hoping to get back to them somehow. There were a lot of blanks left from that time and even the snippets that had come back were focused on his family rather than the reasons why he disappeared. “I’d like to take some of this stuff with me, go over it, try to remember...”

“This is part of an on-going investigation,” John said, his face stoic.

Todd frowned. “This is part of my _life_.”

John glanced at Fish and nodded towards the door. The younger man got the hint and excused himself. Once he was gone, John focused on Todd again. “Manning, this is a very delicate operation. There is a lot of information we’re going through and our goal is to bring down an rogue black ops section of our intelligence agency. That’s not something I can just hand over to a civilian.”

“That chip cost me eight years with my family...”

“That chip should have never fallen into your hands,” John replied. “What you suffered for eight years should tell you that. This is much bigger than you and I am not about to jeopardize an investigation of this magnitude on you. You are a loose cannon on a good day.”

“You don’t even know me,” Todd scoffed. 

“To not know you is to know you well. Listen, I had to take you into custody because you started waving a gun around the day you finally reunited with your family,” John reminded him. “You are exactly what I don’t need mixed up in something this big. God forbid you get your paper back and decide to start flapping your lips on the front page there.”

“I have a right to be angry.”

“I’m not telling you not to be angry,” John said. “I’m telling you not to fuck up an investigation that could make everyone responsible for the lost years of your life pay. Irene is dead at your hands. Baker is dead. His wetworks team is dead. Kent is dead. But this organization wasn’t made up of five people. Not to mention the fact that there could easily be more people locked up.

“This is what I do. This is what I can do. I can’t give you your eight years back. I can’t fix what Irene and Baker did and I can’t give back what Victor took under your name. Nothing you do will bring those years back. You want to make a difference? Be with your family. Let me handle this. And let me handle it _my_ way.”

Todd scowled darkly as he recognized that John was right. He wasn’t going to be particularly useful pouring through the information. He’d hidden it away and then been tortured for eight years. “I don’t want to be kept in the dark over this stuff, John.”

“I can’t grant you open access,” John told him. “You’re too much of a risk. I can’t trust you with information this vital. I can’t trust most people with this information. Damn, Manning, I haven’t had an investigation this volatile since I was with the Bureau. Every step I take is a potential landmine. You have _got_ to let me do my job. When I come across something I think you can help with, you’re the first call I’ll make. I give you my word.”

“You say that like it’s supposed to mean something to me.”

John shrugged. “It means something to _me_. Take that however you want. Let me handle this end of things. You should be with your family...”

“You think that’s not what I want?” Todd exclaimed. “You think I wouldn’t give everything I had to be with them right now? Jack doesn’t know me and he’s still not sure he wants to. I don’t have my paper, I don’t have a home, and Blair...” He focused on John again, his eyes hard. “Blair’s a damn mess. What the hell did you _do_ to her while I was gone?”

=====================================

“What are you scared of?” Cris asked gently.

“You were still a kid when he came back from Ireland,” Blair sighed. “He was so _angry_ when he came back... and I was scared because I hadn’t exactly been the purest widow in the world. Still... his anger... he was just gone a year. This time he’s been gone _eight_. And what he went through trying to crawl back to life in Ireland isn’t the same as being held and tortured for eight years.” She shook her head. “What does that do to a person?”

Cris nodded slightly. He couldn’t imagine it. “So you’re afraid of what those eight years did to Todd?”

“I’m afraid of a lot of things,” she shrugged. “I’m afraid of him holding the past eight years against me. I’m afraid of that anger eating him up inside...”

“Todd’s always angry, though.” Cris pointed out.

“No, he’s not,” Blair snapped. “Brusque doesn’t equal angry. Todd’s not _always_ angry. That’s ridiculous. He can be wonderful... gentle, sweet, attentive and kind. He’s thoughtful when he wants to be. He hasn’t always been angry even now when he has every right to be.”

“He can’t blame you for this.”

“Can’t he?” Blair asked. “Shouldn’t I have known? Shouldn’t I? Why didn’t I?”

“It’s not like Victor walked into town and you went ‘It’s Todd!’” Cris reminded her. “Hell, you had everyone leaning on you to believe it... with proof if I’m not mistaken. I remember Natalie telling me that Kevin had medical files and records and the whole lot. The guy convinced Starr...”

“Starr was a little girl who missed her father,” Blair shook her head. “Starr wasn’t a hard sell when it came down to it.”

“Viki believed it was him wholeheartedly,” Cris said. “Why wouldn’t you believe Viki? And Dorian believed it too. _Your_ family bought it, _his_ family bought it, why hold yourself to a higher standard?”

“Because I’m the one who’s supposed to know him best!” Blair burst out. “And he knows that!”

“I think you’re being too hard on yourself. God knows you’re used to _that_. Everyone holds you to a higher standard and then they are somehow simultaneously not surprised when you don’t live up to it and resentful when you don’t live up to it.” Cris patted her knee. “You have got to give yourself a break. Victor fooled everyone and he did it with the backing of what sounds like a mastermind of diabolical proportions. He was _supposed_ to fool everyone. You most of all.”

“Why do you say that?”

“It’s the only thing that makes sense,” Cris said. “Think about it. You were the only true obstacle. Starr, as you said, was a little girl. And Viki was never as close to Todd as you were. You were the hardest one to convince and even _you_ weren’t convinced by files and medical records. _He was Todd. _He _had_ to be. If they convinced you then they had it made. So they had to take everything they could from Todd’s memories to have Victor function like him, right? It wasn’t just one thing that convinced you, Blair, it was a thousand small things... things Todd did, things Todd said, the way he’d do something, the mannerisms... it all added up to create the perfect con. Don’t kid yourself, they had to target you specifically. I hate to think of what they did to Todd in order to get all of that out of him.”__

__“Me, too.” Blair stared at the glistening water of the pool. “Wouldn’t that just make him hate me even more, though?”_ _

__“Well,” Cris sighed. “I’ve got to be honest, Blair. He doesn’t seem to hate you at all.”_ _

__“ _Seem_ ,” Blair repeated. “Victor _seemed_ to be Todd. Victor _seemed_ to love me. Spencer _seemed_ to be a great guy who cared about me and my kids. Eli _seemed_ to be a great guy, too. Tomas _seemed_ to be completely open and honest. Seemed is my downfall, Cris. I can’t seem to shake it.”_ _

__“Are you afraid that Todd’s angry at you for these past eight years, Blair?” Cris asked after a thoughtful pause. “Or are you afraid that he isn’t? Because if he isn’t and he wants to be with you and repair your family... well, you’re my friend and I love you a lot... but your biggest fear is being happy.”_ _

__“That’s crazy,” Blair denied although her voice sounded hollow even to her._ _

__“You know how to deal with anger and heartbreak and disappointment,” Cris smiled. “But happiness? That scares you to death. Why?”_ _

__The ultimate question, she supposed. Why was she afraid to be happy? Cris was right. She was afraid and she knew exactly why. It centered on that room with the gold balloons falling on her as she twirled around the floor in the arms of the man she loved. _Those stupid gold balloons and my shining moment of happiness that ended the very next day_. “Because I had it,” Blair hissed. “And I lost it. And it nearly killed me.”_ _

__“What if you have it back? What if you just reached out and took it and you were happy for the rest of your life?”_ _

__=================================_ _

__“What did I do to Blair?” John asked, wide-eyed in surprise. “What are you talking about?”_ _

__“I’m talking about Blair,” Todd bellowed. “Have you seen her these past eight years?”_ _

__“Of course I have,” John looked perplexed._ _

__“Then you know what a mess she is because she’s been trying to count on people who don’t give a shit about her.” Todd glared at the detective. “Tell me about the night she got stabbed.”_ _

__“I’m not having this conversation with you.”_ _

__“Do not walk away from me,” Todd bit each word off angrily. “Blair has already told me some of this but she said that if I wanted details I needed to come to you.”_ _

__“You expect me to believe that?”_ _

__“You were in her bed when Marty called,” Todd replied. “She said not to come back if you went chasing after Marty. Do you want me to tell you what she was wearing, too?” Todd actually had no idea what Blair had been wearing but John wasn’t likely to call his bluff._ _

__John sighed. “Marty’s son had been in a car accident. She didn’t call me for no reason.”_ _

__“That time, right?” Todd asked knowingly. He had a feeling that Marty had been a problem for John and Blair long before that night. “Did you know Blair very well when you were going out with her?”_ _

__“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”_ _

__“Did you know that she’s got some long, bitter history with Marty?”_ _

__John was quiet. His mind went back to a dream he had of Marty standing over him and Blair, disapproving, snide and dismissive of Blair. Yes, he knew they didn’t like each other at all._ _

__“Yeah,” Todd watched him. “You knew. You knew and you still left Blair for Marty’s sake. Why didn’t you just break up with her? Why didn’t you let her break up with you?”_ _

__“Marty was going through a rough time,” John said. “The accident in Ireland did almost kill her and she was left unable to walk and she didn’t have her memories. That’s why Victor was able to prey on her the way he did. She didn’t remember _anything_.”_ _

__“So, you were with Marty before,” Todd reasoned, putting the pieces together. “And she got in this accident, people thought she was dead, Victor wound up with her somehow and when she was pulled out of his place she didn’t remember anything.” He looked at John through narrowed eyes. “She didn’t remember _you_ , did she?”_ _

__John appeared to be getting annoyed so Todd knew he was on the right track. He was always pretty adept at sniffing out weakness in others._ _

__“You didn’t dump Blair until Marty remembered you, am I right?”_ _

__“I’m not having this conversation with you, Manning.”_ _

__“Am I hitting too close to home?”_ _

__“I have _nothing_ but respect and admiration for Blair,” John insisted. “I know she’s been through some tough times but--”_ _

__“Do not talk to me about your respect and admiration for Blair when you threw her away like trash!” Todd’s face was red with rage._ _

__John’s frustration bubbled over. “What, like you did?”_ _

__“Don’t confuse me with Victor, McBain,” Todd hissed. “I have made mistakes. But I have never, _ever_ thrown Blair away. I’ve let her go... I’ve made poor choices... I’ve let fear rule me. But Blair has never been second best to me... she’s never been a bed-warmer until something better came along... she’s never been _my_ mistake.”_ _

__“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Manning.”_ _

__“I don’t know that you jumped out of Blair’s bed to go play hero to Marty? That, as a result, Blair got stabbed a few times in the back? That she almost bled out and died on the floor of her own home? That you felt so guilty about it that you married her to help her keep the kids and then immediately ran out on her again to go protect Marty? And then you dumped her when Marty finally remembered who the hell you were?” He glared at John. “Tell me how wrong I am, John. Tell me I’m wrong about any of that.”_ _

__“Are you really going to judge someone else for hurting Blair when you’ve done more than your share?”_ _

__“Back to that, huh? I have no room to talk because I’ve hurt her too. Well, I guess that makes us equals, McBain. How’s that feel? You’re no better than I am. You’re supposed to be the good guy... the big, damn hero... and you were just as callous with her heart as anyone was. Congratulations.”_ _

__John stewed over that for a moment, his nostrils flaring in irritation. “Okay, you want the truth, Manning? Blair deserved a lot better than me.”_ _

__Todd frowned. “That’s a pathetic excuse and you know it. Blair deserved better than you but Marty didn’t?”_ _

__“That’s not what I meant...”_ _

__“Yeah, whatever,” Todd sneered. “Who do you think you’re talking to here? ‘You deserve better’ is just pretty words designed to make the person you’re dumping feel better about getting the shaft. ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ just done up with a bow. Nothing you say changes the fact that Blair was just fine while the woman you really wanted couldn’t remember you... but the minute that changed, suddenly you were undeserving of the wonder that is Blair._ _

__“Well, you know what? You were right. You _didn’t_ deserve Blair. You never did. You used her and then you threw her away the second Marty remembered you. You want to know what the real difference between you and me when it comes to Blair is, McBain? I regret leaving Blair for Marty. I regret it with every damn breath. I regret ever making her think that she didn’t mean everything to me because she did and she does and you are going to see the real deal soon enough. I have years worth of damage that was inflicted on Blair by the likes of you and my sick ass brother and every other guy she dared to think might care about her to undo.”_ _

__“Is that so?”_ _

__“When you see Blair, the _real_ Blair, you’re going to kick yourself for ever letting her go,” Todd vowed. “This whole damn town will see her and remember what it was like when we were on top of the world. _This_ time, I’m not making the mistakes I did before.”_ _

__==============================_ _

__Blair poured herself a cup a tea and let it steep as she stared off into space. Cris had left and his words were echoing in her head._ _

___What if you just reached out and took it and you were happy for the rest of your life?_ _ _

__How many attempts had she made to do just that? How many times had she shoved others aside to get what she wanted only to discover that it wasn’t to be? She chose money with Asa over love with Max and paid for that by losing her jewelry company and Max. She did everything in her power to get Max back but he loved Luna. She tried again with Cord and he could never cut Tina loose._ _

__Her volatile relationship with Todd was more misery and even the times she thought they were happy were just bitter shadows laced with lies one of them was telling. Sam looked at her as a charity case. Spencer was a nightmare. Victor was a sham. Eli crushed her and Tomas was just more of the same._ _

__“Just reach out and take it.” She remembered Todd saying the same thing to her right before they made Jack. And look at what that had turned into. A short, bitter laugh escaped her. “Yeah, because it’s just that easy.”_ _

__So many attempts to find happiness. So many attempts to find love. Blair sighed and sipped her tea. Todd was right about her... she didn’t believe. The dreams and fairy tales had been crushed out of her long before she ever came to Llanview. He had suggested their fairy tale wasn’t over but he had been feverish and delusional at the time._ _

__Blair Cramer believed in love. She just didn’t believe in it for herself._ _


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m changing a few things to my liking. A) Rex is not a Buchanan. I never did like that particular plot twist so it goes away. Who are his parents? Who cares? B) The Big Paternity Switch? Fuck that. Jess’ baby was Brody’s and Nat’s baby was John’s. Jess and Brody are together. THERE IS NO FORD IN THAT MIX. And while John and Nat are currently estranged because he’s annoyed that she lied about sleeping with Brody I’m sure things will work out for them soon enough. I think that’s all the explanation needed to continue.

A week later, Todd was sitting next to his attorney as she won the case for his identity. He felt a strange combination of vindication at finally being proven right and stunned that it actually happened. 

As expected, Tea immediately attempted to delay the inevitable.

“I would move to wait, your Honor, as it will take some time for Victor Lord, Jr to establish his own identity...”

“Your Honor, what Mr. Lord has to deal with currently is irrelevant. Todd Manning has an identity. An identity that was stolen from him for well over eight years. It is not up to Mr. Manning to wait for Mr. Lord to return his identity at his convenience. The fact that we have engaged the court this long proves that Mr. Lord has never had any intention of turning over Mr. Manning’s identity to him. What Mr. Lord has to deal with at this point is his problem. It is not Mr. Manning’s problem. I would move to transfer all identities and properties today.”

The judge agreed to push things through quickly and Todd suddenly found himself to be Todd Manning again. Officially and legally. He looked across the aisle at Tea and Victor who both wore stony expressions. Tea had never contacted him since the night at the club and he hadn’t felt the need to seek her out. Cybil had actually dominated the majority of his time in the last few days to pour over every shred of information.

It was the medical records that had proven true in the last. Victor’s injuries over the years did not match up to what Todd had suffered before his disappearance. Todd, again, thanked whatever he thought might be holy for Blair’s choice in lawyer. He couldn’t wait to get to Dorian’s and tell everyone that he was Todd Manning and he had the identity back legally.

Then he had to go to The Sun and clean up that mess.

Actually, he figured he’d better go to The Sun first and start straightening things out there.

It took a few hours to get the paperwork pushed through and then he took his court order to get himself an official identification card. He made an appointment to get a driver’s license and then went to the bank to reclaim his finances.

Tea and Cybil had argued over the finances quite a bit but he was able to take immediate control of the accounts that Victor had taken from him when he took on the mantle of Todd Manning eight years prior. Todd happily threw his court order and identification card at the bank manager and was soon signing papers and getting some pocket change to carry around. He had Victor and Tea’s bank cards and credit cards and had them turned over to him. Anything that attached them to his money was back in his possession.

He called a meeting the moment he stepped into the doors of The Sun and explained the situation. He was back in charge. He was Todd Manning and The Sun was his paper. Victor Lord, Jr had no authority there and he promised to go over everything to see that things were running as he wanted them to.

His assistant followed him into his office, giving him updates on who was currently on vacation, which stories were being worked on and what appointments Victor had scheduled. Todd scanned his office and saw a placard on a second desk reading ‘Kelly Cramer, Editor’ and nearly choked.

“Get me the contract on Kelly Cramer immediately,” he told his assistant. She bounded off to do just that.

Todd approached the desk, caught the lingering whiff of Kelly’s perfume and immediately moved away. He went back to his desk and took stock of it. He buzzed his assistant to bring him a box as well and then started reorganizing.

Once the box was brought in, along with Kelly’s contract, Todd dumped Victor’s personal photos into it. He started going through the drawers to see if there was anything else that was specifically Victor’s. In the bottom drawer, under a bunch of files, Todd found a framed picture of Blair.

He pulled it out to look at it. It was obviously taken after he was gone. Her hair was longer and wasn’t cut in those feathery layers she was currently sporting. Her smile was warm and her eyes sparkled... she looked beautiful. Todd propped the picture up against his computer monitor and leaned back in his chair.

“That’s better.”

=================================

“Hi Blair!” 

Kelly’s voice sang out over the phone as soon as Blair answered it. Blair jerked the phone away from her ear in response and couldn’t help rolling her eyes. “Hi, Kelly. What’s up?”

“Guess where I am!” The sing-song tone of her voice suggested to Blair that Kelly was exactly where Blair wanted her the least. That meant she was back in Llanview.

She desperately prayed that the call wasn’t coming from inside the house. “You must be in Llanview.”

“Oh, you’re no fun,” Kelly complained. “Couldn’t you guess London?”

“Why would you ask me to guess where you are when you’re in the exact place you were the last time I talked to you?” Blair asked. She wondered what it was like to be Kelly. What would it be like to live a life so careless and free of anything resembling strife? Kelly sailed through the world as the living embodiment of ‘ignorance is bliss’ and Blair couldn’t imagine it. What was life like when you only had a passing acquaintance with your own brain?

“Well, I am back in Llanview. How surprised are you?”

“Mildly,” Blair suggested. “I wasn’t expecting you back this soon but I figured you and Joey would be visiting again later this year for the holidays.” She paused. “Things are still okay with you and Joey, right?”

“Of course they are,” Kelly’s tone was a bit sharper. “Zane is back in school and Joey really wanted to come back and spend some more time with his father. We’re at the Buchanan estate holding down the fort while Clint is at Llanfair. There is way more room at the Buchanan’s anyway. Llanfair is more full than I’ve ever known it to be... Viki, Tina, Cord, Clint, Jess and Brody and their kids, Natalie and her kid. Todd is living there, too. And then the carriage house is still occupied by Rex and Gigi and Shane. Although,” Kelly’s voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper, “I hear that living arrangement might be changing soon.”

If Rex and Gigi and Shane were moving next door to Dorian’s, Blair would give a damn. Otherwise, she prefered to not know anything about the Balsom’s. She had even stopped going to the diner altogether to avoid them. She’d banned Jack from going there, too, and in all honesty he didn’t seem that bothered. The Buenos Dias Cafe had fallen out of favor with the high school crowd. A retro diner styled like a 1950s malt shoppe was the current hangout.

Blair had given Jack leave to go there after school twice a week based on how he was doing and the reports she got from teachers at school. Because Shane’s mother worked at the Buenos Dias, Shane went there after school and Jack had no run ins with him. Since Todd’s return and the revelations about Victor, Jack’s time with Victor had been curtailed and there had been a noticeable difference in how he dealt with things. Jack didn’t seem interested in anything regarding Shane Morasco and Blair remained thankful yet watchful.

“The Balsom-Morasco’s are moving?” Blair feigned interest for Kelly’s sake. If she could slake Kelly’s thirst for gossip on the phone then she might not want to come over and do it in person. Blair just didn’t want to deal with her cousin right now.

“Well, there’s talk of shifting living arrangements around,” Kelly replied. “Rex and Gigi both earn a living and can find a place of their own. They’ve been living rent free for a few years now and, well, Jessica and Natalie aren’t exactly getting along and with the stress of the babies... it’s all taking its toll.”

“And that’s why you and Joey are staying at the Buchanan place.”

“Well, no one else is using at the moment. And since we plan on having Zane come here for the holidays it just makes more sense to move into a place with more room.”

Blair was just happy Kelly hadn’t brought Joey to La Boulie to take up residence. “Well, you’re right about that. And you’re finally bringing Zane to the States?”

“I think he’ll enjoy it,” Kelly said airily.

The doorbell rang and Blair crossed the foyer to get it. Todd was at the door beaming a smile so bright it nearly blinded her. She held up a finger to quiet him before he said anything but waved him in as she listened to Kelly prattle on about Zane’s school and how well he was doing and how happy she and Joey were.

“That’s great, Kel,” Blair rolled her eyes at Todd who smirked in response. “Listen, I’ve got to go but, you know, this weekend is supposed to be really warm. Why don’t you and Joey come on over here and we’ll have the last family pool party of the year?”

Todd’s eyebrows shot up as he considered what a pool party might mean for him. Very likely it would be his only chance at getting a glimpse of Blair in a bathing suit before autumn set in. He hoped she still wore bikinis.

“Okay, well, I’ll call you tomorrow with some more details. Right. Okay then. Yes. Uh-huh. Bye bye now.” Blair clicked the phone off and shot a long-suffering look at Todd. “Kelly’s back in town.”

“And still with Joey, I gather,” Todd remarked. “Do you think it’s still together or did she bounce between him and Kevin during the three weeks they were in London?”

“Oh, who could even guess?” Blair threw up her hands and headed into the living room.

“I have a surprise for you,” Todd followed her.

Blair turned to give him an appraising look. His grin was huge and he looked entirely too pleased with himself. “What?” She asked warily.

He pulled out his wallet and gave her a small piece of plastic.

Blair took it, not breaking eye-contact with him and then focused on the card. Her suspicious expression shifted to a much kinder one. “Why, this looks like an official identification card with your picture and the name Todd Manning on it!” She looked up at him. “Does this mean what I think it means?”

“If you think it means I’m Todd Manning in the eyes of the law, then yes it does.”

She smirked. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

He snatched the card back. “I don’t have any outstanding warrants.” He tossed her a mock expression of worry. “Do I?”

“I think you’re safe...” she laughed. “For how long is up to you.” She took a moment, just smiling at him, then stepped forward and hugged him. “Congratulations.”

Todd closed his eyes when her arms went around him. He embraced her in return squeezing her tight against him until she squirmed and pulled back. He let her go, wondering if this was what it was like for her when they were married before and he was less than demonstrative with the physical affection. He remembered the way she would smile the few times he would initiate contact and how she was always reaching out to him, touching him... Blair was such a tactile creature and he was a stubborn idiot.

“So,” she covered up the awkward moment quickly. “What is the Official Todd Manning going to do first?”

“Well, I already went to The Sun and laid down the law there.”

“Of course.”

“Maybe you can help me with something there, too.”

Blair’s eyebrows rose slightly in surprise. “What?”

“Can you tell me how the hell Kelly wound up having a job at my paper?”

“Well, gosh, Todd,” Blair’s eyes lit up. “It’s a beautiful story about a local girl making good and the newspaper magnate who saw the potential in her plucky little blog!”

He gave her a stoic look. “Seriously?”

Blair shrugged. “When Kelly had her baby she started writing a blog about raising him. And she called it ‘Raising Zane.’ Apparently, it got some attention. When she came back to Llanview, Victor got all hot to get her on board with him at The Sun.”

“Because of a Mommy Blog?” Todd’s disbelief was clear. “Look, I’m not even suggesting that a Mommy Blog is a bad thing or that Kelly’s wasn’t good but... look at this!” He thrust the contract at Blair. “It sure as hell didn’t deserve a contract like that!”

Blair cast a glance over the contract. “He really wanted her, Todd, I don’t know what to tell you. Tea had just left him because apparently she couldn’t be Dani’s mother and his lover at the same time. He tried to get me into the sack about five seconds after Tea left him and when I turned him down I suppose he decided that Kelly was the next best thing.” She handed the folder back to him. “The two of them certainly got their kicks annoying me with their new found partnership... It did get Kelly to sign on with Victor but then I decided to let them be idiots together and moved into a real relationship with Eli.”

The way her lips tightened, Todd knew that Eli wasn’t exactly a good subject.

She laughed weakly. “Guess I got the raw part of that deal in the end.”

The shadow behind her eyes really unnerved him. “You really cared about this Eli guy, didn’t you?”

Her entire body stiffened. “He was a murderer. Several times over.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I’m not talking about this, Todd,” Blair said. “I was in a good mood, okay? Those days don’t come along very often and I’m not going to screw it up by talking about Eli.”

The walls were up thicker than ever and Todd sighed heavily. “Okay, well, forget about Eli whatever. I’m dumping your cousin from my paper.”

“Because of her Mommy blog?”

“I went over the work she’s done for The Sun and, really, I’m being extremely kind referring to it as ‘work’ at all.” Todd shook his head. “She isn’t worth a quarter of what Victor paid her.”

“Well, since Victor is no longer able to pretend to be you, you can just cancel her contract,” Blair pointed out. “Her deal was with Todd Manning, which is you, and you didn’t make that deal with her. Hell, I was there when she signed the paper so I can attest to the fact that the man she made her agreement with was definitely not you.”

“Not to mention that there has been no resignation from her and she didn’t get vacation time okayed when she took off to London with her most recent Buchanan acquisition. And, you know,” he eyed the contract critically, “there’s nothing in here that says she can just get away with that sort of shit.”

Blair’s good mood returned. “So, how are you going to do this?” She rubbed her hands together in wicked delight.

Todd loved to see his lady get goosebumps over the misery of others. She had schadenfreude raised to an art form. “Guess I’m going to have to pay a visit to Buchanan Acres.”

“I wish I could see it,” Blair sighed. “But that would look a bit too much like overkill. Just remember all the gory details so you can tell me about it.”

He nodded in agreement, enjoying the image of his Blair revelling in the misery of others even if it was just for a moment. Then he cocked his head. “So about this pool party...”

Her eyes went wide then narrowed in suspicion. “What about it?”

“Can I come?”

“You want to come to a pool party?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “I can swim.”

“Can you?” Blair asked. “Because I’ve never seen it. We got married on the beach and you didn’t go swimming.”

“I was wearing the only thing resembling a suit that I owned,” he reminded her.

“I went swimming back at the hotel and you went looking for fruit drinks.”

Would it be coming on too strong if he admitted that the suit and jacket he wore was meant to hide the arousal he had been trying to control regarding his new bride? Probably. Blair was hard to gauge these days and he was doing his best to tread lightly. “You said you were thirsty.”

Blair put her hands on her hips and leveled an accusatory glare at him. “Do you even _own_ a swimsuit?”

“I’ve got my money again, I think I can afford it.” He grinned. “So if I get one can I come?”

Her cheeks pinked suddenly as the image of Todd pulling himself out of the pool came unbidden to her mind. She lifted her chin and tossed her head. “If you’ve got the nerve to finally put on a bathing suit, yeah, you can come.”

Todd watched her carefully. There was something very familiar about the way she was acting. It hit him like a thunderbolt. The slight flush, the sudden burst of ‘I don’t care, whatever’ bravado, with the head toss... she was thinking lewd thoughts about him! He remembered seeing that a lot over the years when they were at odds and refusing to admit how much they wanted each other.

He did his best to remain cool. “Great,” he held up the folder with Kelly’s contract. “I’ve got to go fire your cousin. Do you mind if I come by later to see the kids?”

“Starr will be thrilled to know that your identity has been settled,” Blair nodded. “Sam and Hope will be happy to see you. Jack will probably not be so enthused at today’s events.”

Todd shrugged. “One step at a time with that one.”

“Well,” Blair agreed. “At least now that it’s been settled in court, we can hopefully move forward and try to get you two to have an actual relationship. When he gets home from school, I’ll talk to him about what happened... I think it’s better that he doesn’t get blind-sided by it all.”

“Okay, well, I’ll see you later then,” he hesitated for a moment and then leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek.

She watched him leave and as the door shut she fell back onto the chair with a groan. “Stay strong, Blair,” she told herself. “Todd and I can be parents together and we can do it well. This ‘courtship’ thing is... well, he’ll get tired of that soon enough. It’s just better this way. No love. No love. No love.”

=========================

The Buchanan mansion was exactly how he remembered it. Todd actually felt some relief over that one. So much had changed in Llanview that it was nice to see that some things hadn’t. He leaned on the doorbell until a harried Joey finally answered the door.

He blinked. “Todd.”

“Hey.”

They stared at each other for a moment.

“What are you doing here?” Joey asked.

“I came to see Kelly,” Todd replied. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” Joey stepped back, a puzzled expression on his face and called Kelly into the foyer.

Kelly bounced in but stopped short when she saw Todd. “Holy crap, it’s true.” She took a few steps towards him, staring with wide eyes. “It’s the old you.”

“There’s no old me or new me,” he told her. “There’s just me. The real me. As opposed to the fake me, which brings me to my visit.” He held up the folder. “I don’t know what the hell Victor was thinking but you are no longer an employee of The Sun. Our business relationship is hereby dissolved.”

Kelly narrowed her eyes. “So I assume you brought the extremely generous severance check with you?”

Todd barked a laugh. “No. The contract you made with Victor is null and void. It’s a fraudulent contract, I never would have hired you to work for me much less paid you the ridiculous amount of money he was paying you to do absolutely nothing.”

“Hey, I ran that paper when he was shot,” Kelly pointed out. “And I did a damn good job of it!”

“Even if I did believe you,” Todd shrugged. “Which I don’t, whether or not you ran my paper well is irrelevant. You signed a fraudulent contract which I have no interest in continuing so that’s that. Not to mention that you took off with Buchanan Number One here,” he nodded at Joey, “and you didn’t bother to notify HR about it. You’ve been gone from your post for a month. That’s called job abandonment and no court would support you.”

Kelly scowled. “I’ve got to say it, I liked the other Todd better.”

“Of course you did,” Todd replied. “He’s as big an idiot as you are.”

“Watch it, Manning,” Joey stepped forward.

“Oh, take it easy, Galahad,” Todd rolled his eyes. “I’ve been locked up and tortured for eight years. You’re not even _close_ to being intimidating.” He shifted his gaze back to Kelly. “Now, that that’s all settled, what can you tell me about Eli Clarke?”

Kelly looked stunned for a moment. “Why would you want to know about _him_?”

“Because whoever he was and whatever he did hurt Blair in a big way and I need to know about it.”

“Eli’s dead,” Kelly snapped. “What does it matter?”

“He hurt Blair!” Todd yelled causing Kelly to jump. “That’s why it matters. And whatever he did to her is still there... it’s still in her and I just want to know what the hell happened!”

“Blair’s fine,” Kelly insisted. “She said as much when she got back from Tahiti after marrying and then shooting him. I asked her what I could do to help and she told me that I should just tell everyone that she was back and she was fine.”

Todd shook his head. “Are you really that god-damned stupid?”

“She _said_...”

“Blair always says she’s fine!” Todd burst out. “ _Always_! Because she doesn’t want people to see how much she’s really hurt! Did you even _try_ talking to her about it?”

Kelly stalked into the living room and dropped herself onto the couch. “If you’re going to berate me, I’m damn well going to be comfortable.” Joey sat down next to her and patted her leg.

“Just tell me about this guy,” Todd said, sitting down opposite the two of them.

“Eli was perfect,” Kelly shrugged. “Tall, dark and handsome, a successful lawyer, charming and likeable. Everyone in town liked him. He was good to her, he cooked for her, their sex life could be heard miles away, he managed to disengage her from fights with people like me and Tod-- uh, other Todd... Victor, I guess, and he showered attention and affection on her. Elijah Clarke was _perfect_. The only problem was that his _real_ name was Bennet Thompson and he had a dark history that involved killing the women he married for his money. Not to mention killing people he thought might get in the way of that. He killed my mother, after all.”

“Is that what he had planned for Blair?” Todd asked. “He was going to kill her, too?”

Kelly looked uncertain. “I don’t know,” she finally said. “It’s possible that he actually did fall in love with her. Blair thought she had killed him after their wedding but when he came back into town he wanted to take Blair and disappear with her... raise a family together...”

Todd looked ill.

“She gave herself up to him because she thought he was holding Starr hostage but then she snuck back into the warehouse and found Tea. Everyone thought Tea was dead but Blair found her and freed her and she’s the one who reunited Tea with Todd... other Todd... I mean...”

“Victor,” Todd supplied.

“She believed that you really loved Tea,” Kelly explained.

It was strange to think about. Blair believed that he loved Tea and so she did everything she could to support it. That’s who Blair was, though. She’d do anything to help the people she cared about be happy. Her heart was as big as Viki’s was and she got absolutely no credit for it. “So... when did everyone clue into the fact that he was bad news?”

“Not until right before she ran off to marry him.” Kelly sighed. “I tried to stop her but she didn’t believe me.”

“Does that surprise you?”

“I _am_ her cousin,” Kelly insisted. “I don’t want anything bad to happen to Blair.”

“Except when you don’t want anything _good_ to happen to her, either.” Todd sneered. “Don’t even try, bubblehead. I’ve been around. I know that shit you’ve done to her, I know the crap you’ve pulled and don’t think I have _ever_ forgotten that you left her dying on the side of the road. Don’t think I ever will.”

Kelly’s face paled and she choked out a response. “As if you’re any better.”

“The things I’ve done do _not_ absolve you of the things you’ve done,” Todd stood up. “And it’s really pathetic when people try to throw me under the bus to make themselves feel better about the crap they’ve done to Blair. Nothing I’ve done will ever make up for the things you did. She is your _family_ and you _left_ her there. She _never_ would have done that to you.” He threw a disgusted look at her and left.

==============================================

Jack put a finger to his lips and peeked around the hedge to see if the back patio was clear. The girl with him remained dutifully silent as he scanned the area and then motioned for her to follow him. Together, they crept along the hedgerow to the cabana door and Jack swiftly ushered her inside.

The moment he had the door closed, she clasped her hands together and smiled at him gratefully. “Thank you so much for helping me. If my brother had found me...”

“Yeah, he would have sent you back to India and you would have been sold into marriage,” Jack sat down on a nearby chair. “Why don’t you tell me the truth now?”

The girl, Neela by name, blinked at him and then dropped her hands with a shrug. “All right. I exaggerated a little bit. But, you have to understand, my life has already been decided for me by my parents and if I go back I might never have the opportunity to make my own choices.”

“Everybody feels like that sometimes,” Jack replied. “But, look, you can stay here for a little bit. It’s safe and I’ll sneak some food out to you in a little bit. At least this way you can let your family know that you mean business.”

“Thank you so much, Jack,” she smiled shyly at him. “I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t helped me.”

It was almost alien for someone to look at him like he was a hero and Jack felt himself taken aback by the mere concept. After a moment, he decided he quite liked the way this girl with the big brown eyes and bright smiled looked at him. He wasn’t a bully to her. He was anything but.

It felt great.

“I was glad to help,” and he meant it. “I have to get inside, though. My Mom’s going to be looking for me. I’m sorry there’s not more to do out here but... maybe I can find some books for you when I bring you something to eat.”

“Jack, you’ve already done so much.”

“It’s okay, really,” he smiled and she smiled back. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

When Jack went into the house, he made a beeline for the refrigerator to take stock of what he could bring out to Neela. Blair came in to find him foraging. “There’s my boy,” she smiled. “How was school?”

Jack shrugged, closing the door. “Got an A on my chemistry test.”

Blair’s smile widened. “I love that my kids are so good at science. You know, I was pretty good at science in school, too.”

“Really?”

“Not as good as you and Starr but I liked how everything made sense. It was one of the few places where things made sense all the time. If you put this together with this it always meant that. My life, at the time, made very little sense.” Her smile faded somewhat. “Listen, Jack, I need to talk to you.”

The tone of his mother’s voice made him straighten up suspiciously. Had she seen him sneaking Neela into the cabana? He had been pretty sure the coast was clear at the time but his mother was proving to be extremely observant where he was involved these days. “Why?”

“The identity case has been settled,” Blair explained gently. “It’s been determined that Victor is Victor and Todd is Todd. Todd has his identity back as well as his paper and his money. They decided that earlier today.”

“So Scarface just took everything away from Dad?”

“No,” Blair said firmly. “Todd got what belongs to him back from Victor.”

“Which leaves Dad with nothing!” 

“He doesn’t have nothing,” Blair replied patiently. “He has, probably, the most important thing he could have.”

“Which is what?”

“The chance to have his own life back,” Blair watched her son carefully, studying his reaction.

“Dad _has_ a life,” Jack burst out. “He’s had it for years and now Scarface is stealing it from him!”

“It’s _Todd’s_ life,” Blair’s words were clipped. “Todd’s life. Victor had it for awhile, yes, but Todd had it before him. Todd had you and Starr long before Victor. Todd had The Sun. Todd _built_ The Sun. He created that paper from nothing before you and Starr were ever born! The only life Victor had stolen from him is the one his mother took when she replaced his life with Todd’s for her own insane reasons!”

“None of this is fair! I want to see Dad!”

“Not right now.” Blair shook her head. “Victor and Tea have a lot to do to figure out what they’re are going to do with their lives. I am not going to keep you from your Uncle but, right now, I have to consider what is best for you, for Sam, and even for him. You will be staying here for the time being.”

“Mom!”

She held up her hand. “I have every intention of taking all of you kids over to Victor’s and letting you have some time with him. He will always be your Uncle but he is not your father and, frankly, the last several years of him being your father haven’t been particularly good for you or your brother and sister.”

“You can’t tell me to stop loving him.”

“I didn’t tell you to stop loving him and I won’t tell you to do that.”

Jack found that it was very difficult to argue with his mother when she was like this. She was being logical and understanding and firm and, at that moment, he really missed when she was easier to accuse of being... anything he wanted really. After he’d been caught trying to lure Shane Morasco into that abandoned house she had stopped letting him manipulate her emotionally. She had turned into a sentinel and she didn’t care if she came off ‘unreasonable’ or ‘mean’ or anything and she was being that way now. “So... what do you expect me to do?”

Blair studied her son for a moment. “Todd is going to be coming over tonight to share the news with you and your sister and brother. He’s going to be spending time with all of you. He’s missed out on years of your lives and it’s time you all start rebuilding a relationship with him. I told you about what happened today because I knew that you would take it the hardest and I didn’t want you to be surprised.” She reached forward to touch his face but he ducked away from her. “Jack, I love you and I’m here for you in all of this. I’m not going anywhere. Now get your homework.”

Jack went to get his backpack stewing inside at the unfairness of it all. Scarface was not going to have it this easy. He’d make sure of that.


	15. Chapter 15

Viki’s house was filled with people, some he liked but most he didn’t. Todd found himself increasingly irritated by the constant dull roar of everyone milling about. At Dorian’s, it was all people he loved so the noise was welcoming.

Hope and Sam chattered and played. Jack and Starr tossed teasing remarks back and forth. Blair oversaw it all and Todd just wanted to be accepted by everyone. Starr had already welcomed him back with open arms. Jack was going to be a tougher sell. Sam was also accepting and friendly while Hope remained a little shy. She was warming up to him, though, and even let him read a book to her before bedtime.

Once it was time for Sam’s bedtime, Starr approached her father and asked if he wanted to take a walk with her. Todd nodded looking forward to a little alone time with his firstborn now that his identity was fully established. They had a lot to talk about.

The night was crisp as they set out and for a moment they walked in silence. Todd noticed that the trees on the avenue were thicker than he remembered. In eight years, they’d matured and deepened and an already older, established neighborhood was beginning to look threatened by the trees around them.

“So, how’s it feel to be Todd Manning again?”

“I never stopped, Starr.”

She chuckled lightly in the darkness. “I suppose that’s true. Still, must be nice to have it all official, right?”

“It was a big hurdle,” he agreed. “But there’s still some obstacles.”

“Such as?”

“Well, a place to live, for one...” Todd mused. “Did you know my penthouse got bought and combined with another penthouse to make one giant penthouse that some doctor and his trophy wife live in?”

“I didn’t actually.”

“I really loved that penthouse.”

“I know. That’s what Mom always said too.”

“That she loved it?”

“That _you_ loved it.”

“Oh,” Todd was quiet. “I think she actually stopped loving it years ago. It was _our_ place, you know? And then I turned it into Delgado’s place and I don’t think your mom has loved it since then.”

“Mom doesn’t love places, not really.”

Todd shook his head. “She loved the penthouse, Starr. It was before your time but she loved it. I’m the one who changed it into something that wasn’t hers anymore. She doesn’t love Dorian’s because... again, it’s someone else’s place. Your mother doesn’t like French decor. She’s not rococo or baroque or La Belle Epoque or the rest of whatever Dorian’s obsessed with. Your mother likes modern minimal design. If that weren’t Dorian’s house, she wouldn’t live there and it wouldn’t look like that.”

Starr was silent for a moment. “You’re not really thinking about the house, are you?”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because you aren’t. This is all about Mom, isn’t it?”

“Maybe.”

“What’s the problem?”

“That’s kind of what I’m trying to figure out,” Todd sighed. “I’ve talked to Viki about some things... I even talked to Kelly... maybe I should talk to you. You’ve been here the whole time and you actually _do_ love your mother.”

“Kelly loves Mom,” Starr’s response was weak even to her ears. “I mean... if you asked her, she’d say she loves Mom. And she probably really believes that she does.”

Todd scoffed at that. “She’s an idiot. It was one thing when she was a teenager but the rest of her grew up and her mind didn’t. She’s still an idiot who just breezes through everything without any thought to anyone else.” He shook his head. “I really don’t want to waste my time on that ditz. Tell me about your mother.”

“What about her?”

“Like, what she went through while I was gone.”

“She got her heart broken about a thousand times. I treated her like crap, Victor treated her like crap, Jack treats her like crap now. She almost died a few times... she got locked up in a mental institution by Asa, she was almost raped...”

“What the hell?!”

Starr glanced at her father, who had abruptly stopped walking and just stared at her in the growing darkness.

“Who tried to rape her?” Todd’s voice was a tone Starr had never heard before in her life. It actually sent shivers up her spine.

“Dad...”

“ _Who_?”

“He’s dead.”

“ _WHO_?!”

“Spencer Truman,” Starr turned away from Todd and looked down the slope of the street towards Llanview. She remembered the harrowing scene all too well. Her mother, unconscious in a hospital bed, wearing a wedding dress with blood splattered all over her. It looked like some scene out of a horror movie. Her mother had just managed to fight off a heart infection that almost killed her only to wind up in the clutches of the psychotic doctor who had been so obsessed with her that he blithely destroyed all of their lives.

“What is it about Mom?” Starr wondered aloud.

“What?”

“Mom seems to inspire obsession,” Starr continued. “Whether it’s fueled by love or hate... what is it about her that makes people react to her that way? Spencer, Victor, Eli, Kevin, Max, Asa, Tomas, you... it’s like no one can feel lukewarm about her. It’s always extreme.”

Todd preferred to get back to the matter of Spencer Truman trying to rape his woman but Starr’s voice held him back. There was a strange, wondering tone to it. “You mean you’ve never wondered about it before right this moment?” He grinned. “You just listed eight guys and it’s only _now_ that you’re going ‘Gee, wonder what it is about Mom?’”

Starr huffed slightly. “I never really thought about it.”

“That doesn’t sound like you.”

“It was always... _normal_ ,” Starr shrugged. “You were always obsessed with her so it seemed natural that everyone else would be, too.”

“I love your mother, Starr. I’m not obsessed.”

“You don’t love her like real normal people.”

“Your mother’s not normal and neither am I.”

“Yeah, _that_ I’ve heard before.”

“Because it’s true.” Todd’s eyes moved from Llanview’s lights to the stars above. “Your mother is the most amazing woman in the world. There is no one like her at all. People respond to that, they can’t help themselves. Not everyone _appreciates_ her and so they try to tear her down or destroy her... but the thing about your mom... she’s invincible. No one can tear her down.

“Why do people become obsessed with her? Well, what would anyone do to be near someone like her? She’s the reason I _know_ fairy tales are true because she is the woman I would do anything for... climb mountains made of glass, slay monsters, defy the very gods to kiss her fingertips.”

Starr laughed softly. “You are _so_ in love with her...”

“Well, yeah...” Todd felt a little embarrassed. He wasn’t particularly comfortable wearing his heart on his sleeve for Blair in front of their daughter. It felt kind of weird. Still, it felt equally good to say it all out loud.

“So what are you going to do about it?”

Todd smiled into the night. “Don’t worry about me, Starr.”

“I worry, Dad” Starr replied. “I worry because I’ve seen Mom get hurt so many times and I don’t want to see it happen again. _Especially_ with you... you’ve done more than your share of damage and if you can’t figure out a way to love Mom without destroying her life than figure out a way to let her go.”

“True love is not an easy road, Starr,” Todd told his daughter. “Have some faith.”

“Oh brother...”

“Now, tell me about this Spencer Truman.”

=================================

Blair opened a bottle of Petit Verdot and let it breathe. She got two glasses out and headed into the living room with them. She assumed Todd would find a way to stay a little longer so she decided not to fight it too much. Besides, hesitancy about what he wanted from her or not, she was actually glad to have him around. After years of problems, there was a strange gentleness to Todd since his return. It left her with a disquieting sensation as she continued to wait for the other shoe to drop but, at the same time, he was the closest he’d been in years to the first real friend she’d had who played Most Pathetic with her and made her feel good.

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Oh what am I doing?”

There was no point in fighting it. Todd was, as had been mentioned before, a fact of her life. All that remained to be seen was what sort of fact he was going to be. If he was going to be in her life, she’d do well to figure that part of it out.

The front door opened as she started to head back into the kitchen and Todd and Starr entered, their cheeks reddened slightly at the cooling night air. A startling flush of anger powered through Blair’s veins as she took them in. Too many instances of Starr and Todd or Starr and Victor in cahoots against her... manipulating her... leaving her to play the bad cop rushed through her mind and she wondered if they were already plotting together and if she were the subject of said plots.

“Is everyone in bed?” Starr asked as she shed her coat.

“Pretty much,” Blair nodded. Jack was probably reading after his rather bizarre after dinner activities. She was keeping an eye on him but wasn’t going to jump to the worst conclusions.

“Well, in that case, I’m going to go upstairs, too,” Starr said. “I’ve got some studying to do and I want to check in on Hope too. Night,” she tip-toed a kiss on Todd’s cheek and then stepped forward and hugged her mother fiercely.

Blair watched Starr go up the stairs wondering what that hug was about. Starr didn’t normally hug her good-night so intensely. Her suspicions about what Todd and their daughter were up to increased. She cast a glance at him to find him studying her. He noticed and shifted his weight from foot to foot moving his gaze to the ceiling.

“I was just about to have a glass of wine,” Blair told him with a shrug. “You’re welcome to join me.”

“Really?”

“I figured you’d come up with an excuse to stick around anyway. Thought I’d make it easy on you.”

He grinned at that. “Sure,” he nodded, peeling off his own coat and following her into the kitchen where he tossed it over one of the barstools.

She grabbed the bottle and went back into the living room to pour the glasses. “Did you have a nice walk with Starr?”

“Sometimes it’s the little things in life you treasure,” Todd mused. “For eight years I not only was deprived my daughter and my son but I couldn’t even go on a walk. What a strange existence; to be grateful for the chance to go for a walk.”

“What about wind sprints?”

Todd grinned. “Let’s not go crazy.” He watched her as she peered out the French doors into the night. “Are you looking for something?”

“Just thinking,” Blair didn’t turn from the doors. “Jack’s up to something. He snuck out earlier with a lot of food and some extra blankets towards the cabana. He didn’t think I saw him. He stayed out there for about twenty minutes before coming back inside.”

“What do you think it is.”

“I don’t know, maybe he’s hiding a dog in there. I’ll give it a day or two before I push.”

“And if it is a dog?”

Blair shrugged. “Maybe it would be good for him. Starr had all sorts of pets when she was growing up and Jack hasn’t. Maybe it would be good for him to have something to take care of. It’s worth thinking about.”

Todd nodded, admiring the view of Blair’s curvaceous behind as she looked outside. He’d dreamt of that ass for years and now here he was looking right at it. He wondered what Blair would do if he got up and smacked her right on it. The thought amused him as he took a sip of wine and let it swirl around his tongue before swallowing.

“Do you remember Shawna?”

Blair turned to look at him, an expression of mild puzzlement on her face. “The name sounds vaguely familiar.” The crease between her brow appeared as she tried to remember why.

Todd grinned. “She was my intern at the paper,” he prodded her memory. “After I got back from the island.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh. That one. The walking sex toy. Why on earth would you bring her up?”

Todd chuckled at Blair’s commentary. He also found her complete dismissal of the girl endearing. Shawna hadn’t been any kind of competition for Blair but, at the time, her existence rankled his woman to the point where she was picking fights. It was something that gave him hope that they could be together at the time. If she hadn’t cared, she wouldn’t have been so upset. “I’m sitting here, drinking a glass of wine and suddenly her attempts at flirting come into my head.”

“Do I even want to hear this?”

“I think you’ll get a kick out of it.” He took another sip of wine. “So I poured the wine and she takes a sip and starts cooing about how much she loves good wine because it tastes like sex.”

The Blairian eyeroll was one for the record books. “She actually said that?”

“She did.”

Blair sat down on the couch next to him. She studied him quietly for several moments.

“What?”

“I’m just trying to figure out what it says about you that you wanted to sleep with her.”

“I _didn’t_ want to sleep with her.”

“You sure about that?”

Todd tilted his head and gave her an ‘oh please’ look. “There was nothing that girl had that interested me. Her use was solely in pushing your buttons.”

“Well, you talked a good game at the time.”

“You were supposed to believe that I wanted to do her,” Todd pointed out. “That was the scam.”

Blair shook her head and took a sip of wine. As she swallowed, her lips turned up into a teasing smile. “This tastes like sex,” she breathed in mockery of the obvious girl from a decade ago.

“You should have seen Viki’s face,” Todd grinned.

“Viki was there?” Blair’s eyes widened. “She said that in front of Viki?!”

Todd nodded.

“Oh my God,” Blair laughed. She imagined the scene as Todd laid it out and was overwhelmed by hysterical laughter. Todd, remembering the scene and acting out Viki’s response for Blair’s pleasure, gave into the laughter as well. How long had it been since he had honestly laughed? How long had it been for Blair? Did it matter? Here they were, after all these years, laughing together.

She was one of the few people in the world that honestly made him laugh and smile. In the back of his mind, he considered what Starr had told him about Spencer Truman but he let it remain in the shadows for now. He didn’t want to bring up anything that would ruin the moment.

Blair wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes as she got herself under control. “So, tell me,” she said, her voice still light with humor. “What are you going to do now that you’ve got your millions back?”

“Well, the extent of that is still in question,” Todd’s expression darkened a bit. His brother and his greedy ex-wife weren’t about to let him have his money without a fight. But he was equally determined to fight back even harder. “But I really have to do something with my hair.”

A smile quirked the corners of Blair’s mouth as she looked up at his crowning glory. Jack had scathingly referred to it as a ‘Bieber ‘do’ but Blair thought her son’s own mop of 70’s inspired unruliness didn’t leave him much room to talk. Besides, to her, it was a throwback to the 60s Carnaby Street mod look inspired by The Beatles. “Like what?”

“Highlights, I’m thinking,” Todd shrugged. “I just need to make it look different than it did when I was incarcerated. Like, I’m out in the sun again.”

She reached forward and brushed her fingers through his hair, fluffing it across his forehead. “Well, if you want I can give you my stylist. I’m sure if I make the call he’ll fit you in tomorrow.”

“Does he have a crush on you?”

“It’s more likely he’d have a crush on you,” Blair tossed back. “It’s a little cliche, I suppose, but Bastian knows his stuff. I wouldn’t trust my hair to anyone else. Do you want me to call him?”

“Sure,” Todd wondered if this Bastian was a cliched hairstyling gossip, too. If so, he might be able to drag some more information about Blair out of him. “You know, coming back from the dead was a lot easier.”

“That’s because I kept all of your stuff,” Blair reminded him. “I couldn’t bring myself to throw any of it away so you still had all of your clothes. Speaking of which...”

“Yeah, that’s something else I’ll be doing tomorrow,” Todd played with the buttons on his shirt. “Getting clothes that Viki didn’t run out and buy for me. I’m grateful she didn’t come back with any cowboy clothes, we all know she’s got a fondness for those.”

Blair nodded. “It’ll be nice to see you in Todd clothes again.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know that they’re so much ‘Todd clothes’ since whenever I’m buying stuff I think ‘what would Blair like to see me in?’ You always had the style, babe.”

“Well, the raw materials were easy to work with,” she smiled gently at him. “I’m guessing you’re going to want to find a new penthouse or something, too.”

Todd sipped his wine thoughtfully. He actually had no intention of house hunting unless Blair was with him and they were looking for a place together for them and their kids. Hopefully, he’d be able to pry her out of Dorian’s French nightmare when the time came. He’d absolutely be willing to spring for a place with a pool if it meant they could get out from under Dorian’s thumb and not have to worry about her walking in. He was actually pretty happy that Dorian was out of the state and not likely to return any time soon.

Unless she got embroiled in some scandal in Washington. Then again, she somehow got the job with the extraordinarily checkered past that was public knowledge in the first place.

“The living situation is more complicated,” he said carefully. “I’ve really got to think about what I want.”

“I know what you mean,” Blair sighed. “I’ve got a project on that score in the works, too.”

“Really?” 

Blair shrugged. “Maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime.”

“You can tell me now,” Todd prodded.

“I’m not ready.”

“Aw, Blair... what are you doing to me? You know I’m no good at waiting.”

“Eight years didn’t teach you patience?”

He grinned in spite of himself. “Patience in some things... even less patience in others.”

She just shook her head at him. “When I’m ready to share, I’ll share.”

“All right then, have your little secret.” He finished his wine. “And call your guy tomorrow so I can do something about this.” He brushed his hand over his hair, then shook it with a mock vain-glorious expression on his face.

Blair giggled. “I will.”

“Okay, well... I should probably head back to Viki’s half-way house.”

“How are things going over there?”

He shrugged as he went to get his coat. Blair followed him to listen. “It’s a lot of Buchanan blood flowing through Llanfair.”

“There’s been Buchanans flowing through Llanfair as long as we’ve both been around,” Blair reminded him. “It’s just that you’re staying there now.”

“Yeah, I know,” he sighed. “At least Viki doesn’t try to make me sit down to dinner with all of them. I’d probably wind up throwing a knife at someone.”

Blair laughed. “Oh, the crosses you bear.”

He paused at the front door to look at her. “This was nice,” he said. “It feels good to have something to celebrate.”

“It do---” Blair’s agreement was cut off as Todd swooped in, pulling her against him with his arm around her waist. He pressed his cheek against hers and kissed her earlobe softly. “--does...” Her eyes closed and her hands rested against his chest as he held her. His breath tickled her ear and he felt one of his hands stroking her hair softly.

After a moment, he slowly pulled away. “Night,” he whispered, before opening the door and disappearing into the darkness.

Blair closed the door behind him and checked all the locks noting that there were goosebumps on her arms. _What that man does to me_.


	16. Chapter 16

The fire extinguisher fell to the floor with a loud clatter as Neela flung herself into Jack’s arms, hugging him tightly. “Jack, you saved us!”

Neela’s brother Vimal looked like he was about to step forward and peel his sister off the younger man but his wife, Rama, held him back with a shush.

“It was very lucky you came along, Jack,” Rama said. Her smile was friendly but not overly so. “Your father might want to check the locks on the door in case something dreadful like this happens again.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jack replied miserably. His great plan to slap back at his unwanted biological father had gone dreadfully wrong and he stood in the midst of a singed hallway with the acrid smell of burnt plastic and whatever the carpeting was made out coating the inside of his nostrils.

What a stupid plan this had been. He was never going to get off of probation if anyone figured out he had started this fire. He may as well kiss soccer goodbye come the spring. All of this was presuming his mother wouldn’t chain him up in the basement for being an uncontrollable monster that couldn’t be trusted around people.

Todd came rushing in at that point, eyes wide and panicky. “Is everyone okay?” He looked at Jack, then each of the Patel’s in turn and then back to Jack.

“We’re fine, Mr. Manning,” Vimal stepped forward. “Jack was here and put the fire out and let us out as well. The lock on your door... is it supposed to shut down like that in case of emergency?”

Todd glanced at his door. “I’m not sure, this redesign was Victor’s doing.” He looked around the office taking in the damage. It didn’t look too bad all things considered. There certainly wasn’t enough damage to interrupt the workings of the paper although he did wonder where his staff was. The offices were completely empty save for Jack and the Patels. Vimal was the one who worked here so he didn’t understand why he had his wife and... another girl around Jack’s age there.

The other girl was gazing at Jack with doe eyes. 

Jack seemed to be attempting to disappear into the carpet but still managed to cast a glance at the girl every now and again, turning pink around the ears and cheeks whenever he did so.

“Where is everybody?” Todd asked.

Vimal looked at him strangely. “I’m sorry, Mr. Manning?”

“Where is everybody?” Todd repeated. 

“You gave everyone the day off,” Vimal said. “We heard the announcement over the intercoms about fifteen minutes before the fire broke out.”

“Of course,” Todd said immediately. His eyes flickered back to his son, who seemed even more determined to disappear. “You know, I actually meant to do that tomorrow to give everyone a nice long weekend. My assistant must have mixed up the dates.”

Vimal accepted that and reached forward to touch the young girl’s shoulder. “Mr. Manning, I apologize for being rude. This is my sister Neela.”

Todd nodded as Neela smiled and said hello to him in a tiny voice. “Are you sure everyone’s okay? Maybe you should go to the hospital and get checked out. I’d hate to have any of you suffering from smoke inhalation or anything. There’s a crew from the fire department here sweeping the office looking for any other problems. There’s probably some paramedics with them so they’ll check everyone out.”

“Thank you, Mr. Manning,” Vimal reached one arm out to gather Neela and ushered her towards the door. 

Neela kept looking at Jack, waving goodbye to him as she was hustled out. Jack offered her a wave in return then dropped his head and kicked at the extinguisher half-heartedly.

Todd watched his son. Something had happened and if he knew Manning mentality, and he did, he’d be willing to bet that Jack was directly involved with the mysterious and destructive goings on at his office today. “School get out early?”

“Yeah,” Jack muttered. “Half day for teacher work day or something.”

“I should get you home,” Todd remarked. “Your mother is going to be mighty impressed with your heroic efforts today.”

Jack flushed guiltily. “We don’t have to tell her do we?”

“My office was on fire,” Todd replied. “That’s news and your mother is going to hear it one way or the other. Might as well be from us. One thing about your Mom? She really hates being the last one to know something. Take it from me.”

Todd was about to move towards his son to gather him up and towards the door when John McBain walked in.

“Seems we’ve had a little excitement here today, huh?”

Since his escape, John had actually been more of a help to Todd than he ever expected but right now... Todd was reminded that McBain was a cop. And cops were annoying and had very bad timing.

=========================================

Jack sat in the back of the limo with Todd as they were driven back to La Boulie. He cast several sideways glances at his father trying to figure him out.

The intent had been to do so much damage to The Sun offices that Todd wouldn’t be able to run the paper. It was supposed to have been a way of getting even with Todd for taking The Sun away from Victor. The Patels being in the office resulted in him having to put his own fire out and then Neela hailed him as a hero.

He liked that but he didn’t deserve it. If he had left, they all could have been very badly hurt. Even killed. Another stupid, careless mistake driven by... stupid, stupid, stupid.

Todd watched his son silently berating himself. He should know what it looked like as he’d spent many an hour doing it to himself. “Jack, are you alright?”

“What do you care?”

“You’re my son, Jack Manning,” Todd reminded him. “You better believe I care. I care more than you will ever know.”

Jack’s face scrunched up and he hastily wiped his hand against his eyes before glaring at Todd again. “Whatever.”

Todd shook his head, smiling to himself as the limo pulled up into the driveway of La Boulie. He saw so much of himself in Jack and he hoped he would be allowed to help Jack steer away from the same mistakes he had made when he was young. He never wanted his son to suffer the life he had made for himself and he wanted so much to talk to him and tell him how much he understood.

Jack didn’t want to listen, though.

As they got out of the car Jack trotted ahead to open the door. Blair came into the foyer with a phone in her hand. “I just got a call that there was a fire at The Sun?” She looked at Jack and Todd with wide demanding eyes.

Jack shot a worried glance over his shoulder at Todd.

“Yep,” Todd stepped forward, closing the door behind him. “Luckily no one was hurt thanks to Jack here.”

Blair’s eyes narrowed slightly as she looked at her son. “What were you doing at The Sun?”

“He was picking up some stuff he left when he worked there with Victor,” Todd supplied, clapping his hand on Jack’s shoulder and giving him a friendly shake. “Lucky thing, too, given what happened.”

Blair looked at Todd and caught him giving her a heavily loaded ‘Work with me here’ stare. She turned back to her son. “Are you okay, Jack?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” She stepped forward, grasping his arms to give him a serious once over. “Do we need to take you to the hospital or anything?”

“No!” Jack insisted. “I’m fine. I put out the fire with the extinguisher. I barely got close enough to even feel the heat. I’m fine.”

Blair hugged him tightly. “As long as you’re sure... but if I hear so much as a cough...”

Jack pulled away, ducking his head. “I’m going to go upstairs, okay?”

Blair let him go, chucking him under the chin as she did. Jack headed up the stairs and Blair and Todd stood side by side following the sounds of his footsteps with their eyes until they heard the sound of his door slamming.

“Yeah,” Todd turned to Blair. “I think he started the fire.”

She shook her head and went into the living room closing the doors as Todd followed her in. “Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure,” he shrugged off his coat and tossed it on the couch. “He covered for himself pretty well when McBain showed up to ask questions but if he keeps digging he’s going to clue in just like I did. Jack’s wily but he’s not a real planner. I think he did this on the fly out of anger.”

“Well, he hasn’t been all that pleased with your getting your identity back,” Blair pinched the bridge of her nose. “I thought we had turned a corner, I really did. How am I going to get through to that boy? ‘Oh, I’m mad... I think I’ll set a building on fire with people in it!’ Dammit!”

“To be fair,” Todd pointed out. “He thought he sent everyone home before he set the fire.”

The relief was evident over Blair’s entire body. “Really?”

Todd nodded.

“That’s good,” Blair sighed. “That’s good. That’s good right? I mean, he thought about other people... he didn’t want to hurt anyone and that’s good. He just wanted to do property damage... which isn’t good but it’s a step in the right direction. Don’t you think?”

Todd stepped forward and pulled Blair into his arms. He stroked her hair gently. “We’ll get through this. Yeah, it’s totally good that he didn’t set out to hurt anyone this time. Whatever you’ve been doing with him since the stuff with that Morasco kid is working... it is.”

“God, I hope so,” Blair leaned her face into his neck instinctively. “He was my beautiful, sweet little boy and I don’t know what happened... I don’t know when it happened. I just don’t know...”

“It’s okay,” Todd crooned. “It’s okay. We’ll manage. We’ll fix it.”

“How?” She pulled back to look at him.

Todd had to admit he was at a loss. “I don’t know, babe, you were always much better at the actual parenting than I was.”

“Yeah, I’ve done an amazing job,” Blair turned away and sat down on the couch. “My daughter got pregnant at 16 and my son’s a bully and a teenaged arsonist. I haven’t exactly provided a stable environment for any of them.”

“Don’t beat yourself up, Blair,” Todd sat down next to her. “Think of what we had to work with. You didn’t have any kind of actual upbringing and I got the shit beat out of me on a regular basis for anything Peter felt like beating me for, real or imagined. Victor got the memories but none of the actual experience... when it comes down to it, a teenaged pregnancy and a bully issue is pretty normal.

“Given what people think of us, it’s a triumph that neither of our kids was a serial killer before the age of ten.”

Blair laughed in spite of herself.

“And remember, Jessica got pregnant when she was teenager,” Todd reminded her. “And no one’s going to say that Viki’s a bad mother.”

“Unfortunately, with Jessica’s own DID...” Blair sobered. “That brings up a lot of other questions.”

“The point,” Todd continued, “is that everyone in this town expected the worst. I remember the way people acted when we got married and you were pregnant the first time. They felt sorry for our kid, like he was screwed up the second we had sex, and they were all pretty certain that we’d mess him up and turn him into a second Hitler or something.”

Blair laughed again. “That’s true. Like anyone has room to talk, right? Nora’s somehow managed to raise two murderers.” She laughed a little louder. “Somehow, I don’t feel so bad. There’s always hope for Jack. It’s just frustrating because we used to be so close and now...”

“Now he’s a teenaged boy,” Todd supplied. “Speaking as a former teenaged boy, we’re kind of awful.”

“Well, I just have to keep doing what I’ve been doing,” Blair nodded. “Loving him completely and making sure he’s got rules to follow.”

“He likes a girl,” Todd piped up.

Blair blinked. “Really?”

“Yeah. Neela Patel, Vimal’s sister. She was giving him the doe eyes at the office and he was really soaking it up.”

“That’s interesting.”

“Has he had a girlfriend before?”

“There was a girl in the gang he used to hang out with,” Blair recalled. “But I don’t believe they were attached at all. Now that I think about it, that little gang was off on all sides. I haven’t heard him mention any of them since the last round with the Morascos.”

“That’s good though, right?”

“Yes,” Blair agreed. “I don’t know this Neela girl, though.”

“Well, Vimal and his wife are very protective of her from what I saw. She’s a sweet little thing even if I only got a look at her for about five minutes.”

“Guess I’ll have to keep my eyes open, then,” Blair remarked. “The right girl can make a huge difference to a troubled boy. I only hope that he doesn’t get the idea that he can be a jerk and it’s all okay simply because of the example I’ve set.”

“Blair...”

She waved him off. “Hopefully, he’ll come to me. We’ll see.”

Todd got the distinct feeling that Blair wasn’t going to continue the conversation in regards to her. “Okay, well, I’ve got a few things to take care of today but, if it’s all right, I’d like to come back later. Maybe for dinner? I could bring Chinese...”

She knew what he was doing, of course. He was ingratiating himself by bringing up the things they used to do together in the best of times. Todd was a big fan of Chinese food even if he couldn’t work chopsticks to save his life and several nights in the penthouse of ordering in came to her mind immediately. He was also planting himself in La Boulie and right smack in the middle of her kids... their kids... as much as possible.

At this rate, he was going to ask to move in by the end of next week.

Blair thought she should say no but when she looked at him and saw the eagerness in his eyes she could have kicked herself. Her own reservations aside, she couldn’t very well keep him away from Starr and Jack and Hope when he’d already lost so much time with him. Sam was his nephew and was already dazzled by his charming uncle and even if Jack resented his father’s sudden presence and the changes he had made to his life, well, such was life as a Manning anyway.

“Sure,” she smiled. “That sounds nice.”

The smile she received in return was almost blinding. She hadn’t seen him smile so much since they reunited before he left for Ireland. If he didn’t have such a beautiful smile she might find it more disconcerting. He caught her hand in his and pressed her palm against his lips and then backed away. “Okay, see you later.”


	17. Chapter 17

The trick, Blair was realizing, was in rearranging her brain to not expect Victor’s treatment to come from Todd. She had become accustomed to Victor’s way of doing things, particularly in the last four years, and it wasn’t as easy to break out of that as she would have liked.

What worked best, she discovered, was encasing herself in a shell of neutrality and focusing on her kids and their reactions to Todd. It worked very well for her.

Todd had been thorough with the dinner order, getting more than enough for everyone and making sure that there were plenty of no shellfish options for her. Her allergy wasn’t exactly life-threatening but it was deeply uncomfortable so she happily chowed down on beef and broccoli, mu shu pork and moo goo gai pan along with any other goodies Todd brought.

Jack attempted to help Sam use his chopsticks until Sam got too hungry to mess around with it. Since his Uncle Todd was eating with a fork, he had no problem doing so as well. Dinner was a pleasant affair as Todd started up a conversation about the changes in technology that had occurred during his absence and the things he had already discovered were available to him. Starr had immediately jumped on that and Jack couldn’t contain himself as he, too, played the role of tutor on the latest kinds of technology.

Blair remained quiet, watching Jack’s reactions particularly, and giving encouraging nods and comments whenever anyone looked her way.

She did notice, however, that Todd’s eyes shifted to her more and more as dinner went on. His expression seemed to me moving towards uncertainty as well.

When it came time for fortune cookies everyone took their turn starting with the youngest. Starr read Hope’s over her shoulder. “Your life will be happy and peaceful,” she said and planted a kiss on the top of her daughter’s head. “I hope so,” she sighed.

“Your turn, Sam,” Blair prompted her youngest.

“Your many hidden talents will become obvious to those around you,” Sam read carefully.

Starr laughed. “Nothing ominous about that, is there? Jack, it’s you.”

“There is yet time enough for you to take a different path,” Jack’s eyes flickered towards his mother and then back at the table as he tossed the fortune with a carefully constructed lessaiz-faire. “Starr.”

“Excitement and intrigue will follow you closely wherever you go,” she snorted. “I should get that tattooed on my butt.”

Jack barked out a laugh. “Doesn’t say much for Hope’s peaceful life, does it?”

Starr rolled her eyes. “Your turn, Mom.”

Blair pointed at Todd. “Your Dad’s younger than I am.”

All eyes focused on Todd, except for Hope’s as she was concentrating on eating her cookie.

“Really?” Jack asked.

Todd grinned. “Sure is,” he cracked open his cookied and read it aloud. “Love is for the lucky and the brave.” He looked up at Blair who was leaning her chin on her hand. “Your turn, babe.”

Blair blinked then opened her cookie. She paused as her eyes skimmed over the printed fortune before reading it in a soft voice. “There is no limit to love’s forbearance, to its trust, its hope, its power to endure.” Her voice shook mightily at the end and her eyes were suddenly glistening brightly.

“Bathtime!” Starr sang out loudly, scooping up Hope and nudging Sam off of his chair. “Jack, you get Sam ready for bed while I bathe Hope. Then we can come downstairs for a little bit before its bedtime.”

Jack didn’t refuse. He ruffled Sam’s hair and herded him out of the kitchen, casting a glance at his mother as she furtively wiped her eyes and Todd’s gaze remained fixed on hers. As they headed up the stairs, he looked at his sister. “What’s going on in there?”

Starr smiled gently at Jack. “Mom’s remembering better times,” she was well versed with the emotions on her mother’s face.

“Why does she look so sad?”

“Because she wants them back.”

===========================

Todd sat quietly as Blair dabbed at her eyes. “We got fortunes about love again.”

“Yeah,” Blair laughed weakly.

Todd remained quiet for another moment, then leaned forward out of his chair to shift into the one next to Blair. He draped one arm along the back of her chair, leaned towards her and kissed her.

Blair was perplexed for a moment as it seemed her entire life with Todd flashed before her eyes but when he lifted his other hand to graze his thumb against her cheek, she closed her eyes and leaned into him just slightly. When was the last time he kissed her like this? Not trying to prove something, as he did at the movie premiere, or in a fit of fight induced lust.

In trying to think back she was hit by a wave of over-whelming sadness. A tear dripped out of one eye, coming to rest on Todd’s thumb. He pulled back when he felt it, looking at her in concern. 

“What’s wrong?”

His voice, soft and low, sent a shiver down her spine. “Nothing,” she said immediately, then took a breath and shook her head.

“Blair?”

“I was just trying to remember when the last time you kissed me like that was.”

He let the comment hang for a bit. “I never did it as often as I should have,” he said at last. “I’m not planning on going another day without kissing you.”

She laughed ruefully and got up, gathering boxes of food as she went. “A nice sentiment.”

“I’m serious,” he followed her, then went back and grabbed more boxes to help her clean up. They put boxes away and rinsed off dishes in silence, piling them in the sink for the housekeeper to deal with the next morning. At that point, they heard footsteps coming down the stairs so Todd decided to let the conversation rest and followed Blair into the living room.

The patience thing was new to him but as much as his lips were still tingling from kissing Blair he knew he couldn’t push her. The last thing he would ever do is push her.

“That’s a lot of books, Shorty,” Todd commented as Starr made herself comfortable. Sam and Hope were playing some amalgam of Spider-Man and Beauty and the Beast on the floor with their figures. Jack was working on-line as Blair took a sentinel spot over his shoulder. It was a strangely domestic scene and Todd’s heart ached as he realized he was right in the middle of it.

“Calculus,” she replied. “My second course of it.”

“Second as in... again?” Todd asked. “I had problems with calculus. Big problems.” And those problems led to even bigger ones, he finished silently..

“No, second as in second, I aced my first round and decided to go with my second course while it was still fresh. It’s part of my core curriculum and I’m on a roll with it so finishing it up opens up a lot more.”

“Two courses of calculus is your core curriculum?” Todd blinked. “It’s been awhile since I was in college and, admittedly, I was just there for the football and the parties but... calculus is pretty hard-core. What are you majoring in?”

“Biology.”

Jack snorted from the desk. “She’s already shown an aptitude for it,” he sent a nod in Hope’s direction.

Blair flicked him on the ear. “Behave yourself.”

“Biology?” Todd sent an impressed look towards Blair. “Our little girl’s going to be a scientist?”

“Tell him what specialization you’re looking at, sweetheart.”

“Herpetology.”

Todd had no idea what that was. As he looked around, he saw that Jack, Starr and Blair were all looking at him expectantly with identical smirks on their faces. There was no question who their mother was, that was definite. “Like... herpes?”

They all laughed. Jack grinned up at his mother. “That’s the same thing you said!”

It was the first time Todd had seen Jack partake in a good-natured family joke. It was still a surprise to see that Jack’s smile was a lot like his own.

“Reptiles and amphibians,” Starr informed her father.

“I should have known,” he grinned. “What about insects?”

“I got into an intermediate entomology class last semester. It was great. And I hope to have a sub-specialty in that and arachnology as well but herpetology is really where it’s at for me. I’m hoping to get the opportunity to visit Galapagos or the Amazon in my later years of study.”

Todd gazed at Starr, amazed at what a unique young woman he and Blair had created. Starr’s penchant for reptiles had developed while he was away when she was still quite young and he often wondered how Blair had dealt with that when it first cropped up. Blair was a horse girl, herself, but she’d always been unique as well.

“What about you, Jack?”

“What about me?” Jack was immediately on the defensive.

“What do you like in school?”

“Soccer.”

“Anything else?”

Jack stared sullenly at the computer screen.

“Jack is actually a very good writer,” Blair piped up. “And very creative. What we have to do is figure out how to use that creativity in more productive ways.” She squeezed her son’s shoulders as he flushed guiltily.

It was strange but fitting, Todd supposed, that his son would wind up being so much like him. He remembered the first time Blair had told him what a good writer he was. He’d always been able to write but Peter Manning had not considered it to be manly enough and discouraged it. He had often made fun of Powell at LU for keeping a journal but Todd had envied him the outlet. 

He wondered if he should start doing that now... try to sort his thoughts out. It was worth a shot and might actually help him with Jack.

It wasn’t long before Starr took Hope to bed. She returned to gather her books and transfer her homework up to her room. Sam went to bed shortly afterwards and Jack went upstairs at the same time to play some games before going to sleep as well.

All resulting in Todd and Blair, once again, being alone.

“So guess what I did earlier?” Todd asked.

The tone of his voice, a light lilt laced with something a bit of lust, caught Blair’s attention and she narrowed her eyes. “Dare I ask?”

“I got a swimsuit.”

“Really?” Her tone was conversational but Blair felt her face getting hot. She had not been able to get the kiss they shared earlier out of her mind and now she was granted images of a mostly naked Todd pulling himself out of the swimming pool dripping wet. It was clear she was going to be spending some quality time with her vibrator tonight.

If she wasn’t certain that he’d take it as an absolute green light to invade every aspect of her life, she’d probably have sex with him right now to take the edge off. Unfortunately, she knew that Todd would consider that as confirmation that they were back together and he’d be moved in by morning and have a wedding license by Monday. “Well,” she cleared her throat. “I guess that means we’ll be seeing you this weekend.”

“You’d be seeing me then anyway,” Todd’s smile was almost feral as his eyes drifted downward slowly before snapping back up to her face. “But, yeah, you’ll be seeing me.” He cocked his head and his eyebrows went up.

He was giving her the exact same look he gave her in the cabin when he reminded her of the stables!

Yes, she was definitely getting the vibrator out tonight.

The temptation to draw her into bed right that second was profound. Todd ached for her with every fiber of his being but he know that if he stepped too quickly he’d find himself on the opposite spectrum from Blair. He needed her to be in, at least, a similar place than him. He needed her to be more comfortable and comfortable was exactly what she was not. She didn’t trust him deep down and as much as that hurt he was determined to show her that he was the man she could believe in.

But it was going to be a series of long lonely nights before he reached that point with her.

Long, lonely nights indeed.


	18. Chapter 18

The green eyes never changed.

The hair did. The clothes. Even her face, sometimes more full, sometimes thinner and more angular, sometimes young and sometimes older, changed.

Her green eyes were always the same. Smiling... dancing... sparkling...

Her hands reached out to him and her lips curved into a smile then widened into a laugh. As she drew him to her, she spun in his arms before wrapping her own around his neck. Her lips, as ever, were soft and warm and he could feel her fingers twist into the hair at the nape of his neck. As she drew him through a doorway she was suddenly clad in red velvet and they stood in the bedroom of the penthouse she was living in when they first got together.

He remembered it well, all warm tones of gold and brown, as she stood there in a deep, rich red. He reached for her, grasping the hem of her dress and pulling it up her body and over her head. He had benefited a great deal from the fact that Blair had intended that night to end very differently. The undergarments she wore were particularly lush. Deep red silk embroidered with black, the bra and the panties setting off her long, slender torso and her equally long and slender legs.

When he moved to kiss her, she accepted his advance eagerly, but when he pulled back to move them to the bed she was dressed again... this time in that red power suit she wore when they trysted in the stables. Even as he set about removing those clothes from her, images of that time came rushing before his eyes; the black chemise, the way her hair spread beneath her as she lay on her back, the sparkle in her eyes as she welcomed him back into her arms...

He blinked and she was dressed again. This time wearing that silken white nightgown from the night he finally came home from Ireland. He reached forward to slip the straps over her shoulders and watched as the gown puddled at her feet like a pool of liquid light. He stepped towards her again only to find her dressed in another white gown... the one she wore at the premiere when he finally stepped forward to show himself to her.

She stepped towards him, reaching out to run her hands up his arms as she pressed her mouth against his. His fingers trailed down her neck then slipped under the fabric of her dress, pushing it over her shoulders to he could feel her skin. And then suddenly, her dress was gone and he felt her skin against his own, her arms wrapping around his waist as she rubbed her breasts against his chest.

She giggled playfully as she took his hand to lead him to the bed. She climbed on it, looking over her shoulder as she wiggled her ass at him on all fours. Licking his lips in anticipation, Todd followed her, reaching up to bury his hands beneath her hair before running them down her smooth back. Her skin was impossibly soft and he felt his arousal, hard and ready, as he followed the curve of her ass with his hands then around to stroke her thighs before gripping her hips and positioning himself. It had been too long... if he had to wait another moment...

THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP

Todd’s eyes snapped open, the blissful dream disappearing in an eye-blink. He took a deep breath, ready to scream his frustration out to the entire Llanfair household.

“Grampa, Grampa, my pony is the fastest! Look!”

And he let his breath out again. He couldn’t very well scream at Jessica’s sweet little daughter. She wasn’t likely to know that there was someone suffering from an obscene amount of sexual frustration and some serious morning wood in one of the rooms. He tried to close his eyes and recapture the moment that had been interrupted but he was too worked up at that point to relax again. Todd flung the covers off of himself with an angry hiss and went to take a shower.

The shower helped. He spitefully decided to use up all the warm water as recompense for his lost erotic dream and smiled into the shower spray. As the warm water cascaded over him, his body relaxed and he was suddenly reminded of more than one circumstance of being with Blair in the shower. Leaning his head against his forearm on the tiled wall, Todd let the memories come and let his other hand slide down and take care of things.

His hand stroked steadily as he imagined a wet naked Blair available for his perusal, their mouths searching, their tongues teasing and their body sliding together to create a wet, magical friction. It didn’t take long for Todd to find his release.

As he leaned against the tile, he started to laugh. A low chuckle at first that shifted into a higher pitched, almost hysterical cackle. “I haven’t done that in eight years,” he sighed before laughing again.

================================

There were more Buchanans than usual milling about Llanfair as Todd came down the stairs fussing with his hair. Bo and Nora were both there and both frowned upon seeing them. Todd paused and pressed a hand to his chest. “Are you two coming to see how I’m settling in? I’m so touched.”

“Not hardly, Todd,” Nora sniped. “We’re here to see Clint.”

“My heart is broken,” Todd continued his descent into the foyer. “Really, it is. Into a million tiny pieces. How will I go on?” He screwed his face up into a mock expression of weepiness before dropping it and sweeping into the kitchen.

Viki was with Lois, getting several large breakfast platters ready. Todd helped himself to some bacon and dodged out of the way when Viki tried to slap it out of his hand.

“You do that again and I’ll sneeze all over the food,” Todd threatened with a grin as he stuffed a strip of bacon in his mouth.

Lois sent a long-suffering look towards Viki and took one of the platters out. Viki looked at her brother for a moment. “You seem to be in a fairly good mood... especially for you.”

For a moment, Todd considered telling her exactly what he had done in the shower just to completely horrify her. The thought made him snicker. He caught the raised eyebrows from Viki and shrugged. “You spend eight years strapped to a chair getting tortured and every day after that is a pretty good one.”

Viki didn’t look completely convinced but apparently decided not to press the issue. “Well, the various members of Buchanan Enterprises are having a breakfast meeting. Our schedules haven’t exactly been coinciding lately so I didn’t get the chance to warn you about it.”

“Slip a note under my door next time, maybe,” Todd suggested.

“I might just,” Viki nodded. “I have to ask, though, are you still staying here because I don’t see much of you during the day.” She gave him a sly glance. “Are you spending your time under another roof? Dorian’s perhaps?”

“I don’t know what it says about our system of government that Dorian actually has a seat on the Senate,” Todd shook his head, “but I am grateful that it keeps her away from Llanview and out of that French mausoleum she calls a home.”

“Blair seems to like it,” Viki pointed out.

Todd snorted. “Blair lives there but... like it?” He shook his head. “Nothing about that place is Blair. If I have anything to say about it, she’s going to be looking for new digs.”

“The Penthouse, perhaps?”

“No,” Todd said curtly. “The Penthouse doesn’t exist anymore and even if it did... we need a fresh start. A place that hasn’t been tainted by Delgados and imposters and all that other crap. A new place... one that Blair really loves.”

“And she’s aware of your plans?”

Todd chewed another strip of bacon thoughtfully. “Deep down she probably is.”

“Which means no,” Viki sighed and picked up a platter. “What are you plans today?”

“Pool party.”

She chuckled. “No, seriously.”

Todd furrowed his brow. “I am serious.”

Viki opened her mouth, then shut it, then tilted her head as she gave him an appraising look.

“What?”

“Do you even own a swimsuit?” Viki asked. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wearing less than two layers of clothing.”

“You’re my sister,” Todd pointed out. “It’s not like I’m going to parade around in front of you.”

“I appreciate that, but, I’ve never seen you at the country club pool. Or at anyone’s pool. You lived at Dorian’s with Blair and there’s a pool there, did you ever go in it?”

“I know how to swim,” Todd insisted. “And I have a suit for it. I bought it just the other day.”

“Well, good for you,” Viki nodded, moving towards the door with her platter.

Todd looked after his sister and shoved another strip of bacon in his mouth. Thinking back, he didn’t spend a lot of time swimming. When he was younger, he never wanted anyone to see the marks on him that came from Peter’s abuse. It became so ingrained that he never really thought about it... and yet where had he wanted to start his life over? Key West. Clearly, he yearned for something about that beach life wearing as little as possible and soaking up the sun.

All of that was changing. He’d been removed from his own life for so long and he couldn’t even blame Irene for all of it. He was determined to live; really live. No more hiding, he thought as he walked out the kitchen door towards the garage.

=========================================

Somewhere in the wee hours of the morning, Blair realized that she had no idea how to host a pool party. In between feverish and erotic dreams about Todd she awoke with a start with party planning panic. It took another hour of fitful tossing and turning before her mind re-engaged and reminded her that it was just immediate family and no one from Martha Stewart was going to be grading her on it.

Hot dogs on the grill, potato chips, pasta salad, fruit salad... Blair couldn’t imagine that any of the kids would be interested in sitting down to some fancy meal when they’d been outside in the pool all day.

Dorian would be livid. She didn’t believe in ‘casual living’ and always wanted everything to be spectacular. Then again, Dorian hadn’t actually raised any of her kids. They all had come to her mostly grown up and anyway, these were Blair’s kids. There was no way in hell she was raising kids who did not know what a hot dog tasted like. Their family was notorious enough without making things worse.

Growing up the way she did, Blair had a fondness for the simple things in life. As much as she yearned for the finest of everything, some of her best times were spent having a drink at Rodi’s or sledding down Cemetary Hill on a tray. Dorian would throw a pool party, even if it was just for family, and have it catered and have a new designer swimsuit purchased with a matching cover-up detailed in handworked beading. There would be no splashing allowed and Blair wasn’t even certain that Dorian would allow swimming for that matter.

Blair’s swimsuit was the same one she had last year and she had a pair of flip flops on rather than high heels. Dorian would probably be horrified at the concept of chips and salsa especially if they were bought from a store. She’d have someone making the tortilla chips by hand and the salsa would be made from market fresh vegetables. The mere thought was exhausting.

She grew increasingly dissatisfied with life at Dorian’s house and as time went on, and she continued progressing with a plan she had told no one of, the feeling only grew. That plan was coming along, however, and would soon be at a point where she was going to have to let some people know. She was loathe to do that, though, because as long as she kept it to herself it was a fantastic secret with infinite possibilities.

The minute she told someone it would no longer be hers alone.

She didn’t know how long she was going to keep it to herself, though. The more things progressed the more excited she got. Unable to help herself, Blair slipped from the kitchen to the living room where she got out her laptop and fired it up. Three different passwords later she was looking at the detailed workup she had for the renovation of the Capricorn building. The zoning had been approved a year ago for mixed use and since then Blair had been working on restructuring the building. She planned on some spaces above Capricorn to develop into the dream spa she once had for Meldor, a few floors of luxury residential apartments and the top floors of the building would be transformed into a new penthouse for her and the kids. She had a rooftop garden planned with a pool. Balconies on different levels, a private elevator and entrance with the highest security available and plenty of room for her kids. She also had hopes of moving Starr into one of the apartments so her daughter would have privacy but still be close.

Blair wanted to be far closer to work so she could conveniently stay close to her kids as well as pop down to sing or make appearances. Plus, she was done with living on the outskirts of Llanview. She loved the downtown area, especially where Capricorn was. The multi-use zoning had revitalized the place and the area was still on the up-swing. There were too many bad memories surrounding Dorian’s house and Blair needed to get away.

The roof gardens were almost done. The set up in the penthouse proper was almost done and soon, so soon, Blair would be able to start with the decorating and when that happened she would tell the kids. She hoped to be in the new place by New Year’s. What a wonderful thing... to be in a whole new house to start a whole new year.

“A whole new life...” she whispered with longing.

A knock at the door startled her out of her thoughts of the future. She closed out all of the programs and shut her system down before going towards the door.

“Look at all this stuff I bought!” Todd exclaimed happily when she answered. His arms were full of boxes and what looked like an overnight bag.

Blair stepped back to let him in. “What?”

“Well, I got some pool stuff... all on clearance since it’s September,” Todd shrugged. “But then I wandered into the Apple store and... let’s just say I’ve got everything imaginable. Do you know how to sync up iPhones and iPads?”

“I do actually,” Blair took the pool stuff from him and headed towards the French doors that led out to the patio. 

Todd took distinct note of the fact that Blair’s cover up didn’t exactly do what it claimed to. He got a tantalizing teasing view of her ass underneath it and immediately flashed back to his equally tantalizing dream. He trailed behind her letting the memory wash over him.

Blair met him back at the door. “Should I be surprised that you’re not wearing this swimsuit you claim to have bought?”

Todd held up the overnight bag. “It’s in here!”

“You need a whole bag for it? That must be some suit.”

“Well, I need to put my clothes somewhere when I’m not in them.”

The immediate sexual tension between them was so present it may as well have taken form and danced a jig around the room.

“Well,” Blair said, her lips curved in a coquettish smile. “Let’s see about that iPad, hmm?”

They sat together as she explained how it all worked and showed him various apps, warning him that if the kids knew about certain apps he would never see his iPad again. Before either of them knew it, Kelly sailed into the foyer with Joey in tow.

“Hellooooo,” she called out happily.

Todd’s eyes went right to the ceiling. It figured that Kelly would be the one to interrupt some seriously close time with Blair. That girl had a talent for getting in the way. He heard Blair exhale an irritated sigh and turn on the couch.

“Hey, Kelly, we’re in here.”

“So I see,” Kelly gave them both a significant look. “Looking very cozy at that.”

Blair shot a loaded glance at Todd and got up to give her cousin a hug. “It’s absolutely gorgeous outside. Go out and grab a drink and I’ll tell the kids to come down. Todd, go ahead and change, okay?”

Todd ignored the stunned look Kelly sent his way and grabbed his bag and headed for the cabana.


	19. Chapter 19

Jack and Sam barrelled out of the house and leapt into the pool without any preamble. Within moments they were swimming and splashing and being as raucous as two boys could be. Starr’s boyfriend James joined in the fun as well when Starr gave him the okay. She was getting Hope’s swimmies on as the little girl bounced impatiently wanting to get into the water.

The moment she did, the boys turned down their rough-housing a few notches so as not to alarm their niece but once she was comfortable Jack pounced and tossed her around the water, fueled on by her delighted shrieks.

Todd stepped out of the cabana and came around to where Kelly and Joey was sitting. Blair was digging into the cooler for a bottled water.

“Are you kidding me?” Kelly demanded, lowering her sunglasses to get a better look at Todd. “You get held in some mystery prison for eight years and you come out looking like that?”

He was already feeling self-conscious and now he had to deal with Kelly and her shit.

“This isn’t all that different than what he looked like before,” Blair said softly. “You just never saw it.”

“Then shouldn’t he have atrophied or something in that prison or whatever it was?” Kelly asked. “You look like you went to some fitness boot camp or something.”

Irritated, Todd’s lip curled at Kelly. “When you get tortured by electrocution on a near daily basis it gives the muscles a workout.”

To her credit, Kelly looked somewhat abashed. She took a sip of her water and looked away, leaning back against Joey. Joey looked a bit uncomfortable at the whole exchange.

“Hey,” Todd’s voice softened as he stepped towards Blair. “You got anything for me to drink in there?”

“I’ve got water and soda,” Blair grinned impishly at him. “And beer.” She turned and bent down to get a bottle out for him.

Todd took the opportunity to give her ass another generous look.

Kelly snorted as she spied what was going on. “Oh please,” she muttered.

Todd twisted off the cap and glanced at Kelly. “Jealous?” He snapped his fingers and sent the cap sailing towards Kelly who didn’t have the wherewithal to dodge. The cap bounced off her forehead and Todd snorted with laughter.

“Hey!” Kelly’s tone was wounded, she looked over her shoulder at Joey as she rubbed her forehead.

Joey burst out laughing. “What? That was an amazing shot!”

“Ooo!” Kelly got off the chair she was sharing with him and moved to the next one over with a pout.

“Sunblock?” Blair asked Todd, ushering him away from Kelly. “You’ve been out of the sun for so long you’re liable to just burst into flame if you’re not careful.” She grinned at him. “I’ll do you if you do me.”

Todd’s eyebrows shot up and a smirk played across his lips. “Hard to turn that down.”

“Hold your arms up,” Blair raised her arms parallel to the ground as an example. When Todd did so, she took the beer out of his hand and set it aside then did a quick spray down his front and then moved behind him to get his back.

“The hell?” Todd blustered. Before he could say anything else, Blair pulled her cover-up over her head and held her arms out for him to spray her.

Well, this was the whole reason he wanted to be at this pool party in the first place. He wanted to get good look at Blair in a bathing suit and she was still wearing bikinis and still filling them out exactly right. He took a swig of his beer and sprayed her front down. He did his best to not get overwhelmed by the way her breasts glistened under the spray. She turned around and he gave the clasp of her top a good look, wondering how easy it would be to undo.

She cleared her throat at him as he didn’t seem in much of a hurry to get her back. He sprayed her and then handed the bottle back when she turned to face him again.

“Whatever happened to lotion?” Todd asked plaintively.

Blair laughed and gestured at the kids. “The spray is faster and a lot easier to deal with when you’ve got kids wanting to run around. They sure as hell don’t want to get a rubdown from Mom.”

“What if I want a rubdown from Mom?”

She gave him a teasing questioning look.

“I mean you, of course,” he amended.

“You really think you’re ready to lay down and let me run my hands all over you?”

“Ready and willing.”

“I’m sure the kids would love to get a look at that.”

Todd shrugged. “Okay, you’ve got a point. Just let me know if you need my help keeping you... moisturized.” He wiggled his finger at her.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she sat down in a lounge chair under an umbrella. “So how are things at Llanfair?”

“Even more Buchanans than usual this morning,” Todd complained. “Plus, I think I’m developing an allergy.”

“To what?”

“Viki’s house.”

“How do you figure that?”

“It’s all flowers, have you ever noticed that?”

“Well, the library is pretty flowery.”

“So’s the guest room,” Todd responded. “And the bathroom and the hallway and the foyer and the stairs. When I went back to get my suit to come here, I swear to God, I sneezed the second I walked in.”

Blair laughed. “I’m sure.”

A loud whoop and a splash interrupted their conversation. They both turned to see Jack climbing out of the water and heading towards the diving board. “Come on, Sam, give it an arc!”

Sam had a Nerf ball in his hands waiting for Jack to give him the nod. When his brother did so, the younger boy threw the ball into a high arc into the air. Jack made a dramatic dive to catch it and came up sputtering and grinning.

“Woo! That’s how you do it!”

“Okay, Sam, your turn,” Starr’s boyfriend, James, motioned for Jack to toss him the ball.

Todd watched the boys for a moment then glanced at Blair with a quick “Excuse me” before jumping into the pool as well. “It’s obvious no one here ever played football.” He snagged the ball from the air as Jack tossed it towards James again and nodded for them to keep going. “Let’s see if this arm even remembers how to throw a ball.”

Within a few rounds, even Joey had joined in trading back and forth with Todd throwing the ball for all of the kids, including Starr and Hope.

Blair sat under her umbrella watching her kids and their father play in the water and felt nothing but complete happiness at what she was seeing. She let herself enjoy the moment, watching all of the kids jump off the board attempting to catch the ball in all sorts of outrageous ways. And if watching the kids wasn’t wonderful enough, she got to watch Todd’s wet naked torso glistening in the sun. She really only got a look at his back as he was facing the kids jumping off the diving board but that just allowed her to gaze at him without pretending to look elsewhere if he happened to glance her way.

She’d spent some quality time with her vibrator the night before but Blair knew that this itch wasn’t going to get scratched by modern machinery. She wanted to dig her nails into that beautiful muscled back and feel the weight of her man on top of her again.

“Put your tongue back in your mouth,” Kelly murmured, pulling a chaise close to Blair’s.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Blair replied feebly.

“Please,” Kelly scoffed. “Tell it to someone who doesn’t know you... or you and Todd... or sex in general. Do you really think you’re not obvious? It’s just lucky for you that everyone else is otherwise occupied.”

“Why do you think I’m taking the opportunity?” Blair asked with a cheeky grin throwing away all pretense. “I just want to grab him and rub him all over my face.”

Kelly choked on her drink. ‘Well, there’s an image.”

Blair laughed. “It is indeed.” She sighed. “Look at him with the kids... look at the kids... they all look so happy.”

Kelly looked at her cousin, noting the soft expression on her face and felt herself smile as well. “Yeah... yeah they sure do.”

Joey tossed the ball for James and then looked at Todd. “What do you think it would take to get Kelly and Blair to join in?”

Todd glanced over his shoulder at Blair’s long legs and naked abdomen and wondered the same thing. “You’ll never get Kelly in the water.”

“Why do you say that?”

“She’s no fun.”

“Oh come on,” Joey grinned. “She’s plenty of fun.”

Todd gave him a vaguely horrified look. “I... really don’t want to know.”

Joey frowned for a moment. “What are you... aw... man, I wasn’t even... get your mind out of the gutter!” His objection was so good natured that Todd weirdly couldn’t help but smile. 

“I bet I can prove that Kelly’s no fun,” Todd said, squeezing the ball in his hands under the water to soak up as much as possible. He noted Jack and Sam bobbing closer looking curious. “Or at the very least, I can prove that Blair is way more fun than her.”

Joey shrugged, admittedly curious. “Let’s see it...”

Todd turned and whipped the soaked ball towards the ladies. A long stream of water arced over the patio and hit them both square across the face.

Kelly let out a piercing shriek. “What are you doing?!”

Blair also exclaimed in surprise then noted all eyes in the pool on them and the feeling of anticipation that wafted over all of them. She caught Todd watching her hopefully while Joey wore an expression of guarded curiosity and immediately understood. “Men,” she muttered, pushing off of the chaise and dropping her sunglasses behind her.

Todd saw her taking long measured steps towards the edge of the pool and couldn’t help but admire her slim body in the afternoon sun. Then he heard Sam squawk and he and Jack began to scrabble away as quickly as possible.

Everything seemed to slow down. Blair sailed into the air, tucking her legs up against her body while Jack bellowed “Depth Charge!” and he and Sam both dove under the water. Todd looked from them to Blair just as she hit the water.

How she did it, he wasn’t sure, but he wound up with a snout full of water that seemed to be aimed directly at him. Starr and James both started howling with laughter. Jack, Sam and Blair all popped up from the water and joined in.

“What in the hell?!” Todd sputtered, chlorine stinging his nose. “How did you even do that?”

Jack snickered. “No one can cannonball like Mom... that’s why we call it the Depth Charge.”

“Pinpoint accuracy!” Starr chimed in.

“No one in the water is safe!” Sam finished.

“You’re a woman of many talents, Blair,” Joey said with obvious admiration.

“Why thank you,” she elbowed Todd. “You should know what you’re getting into before you start a water fight.”

“Maybe this is what I wanted all along,” Todd wondered how it was possible for Blair to be even sexier when she was dripping wet and her hair was slicked back but she was and he desperately wished there was a way for him to shove everyone into next week so he could have his way with her, repeatedly, there in the pool.

Blair snatched the ball away from him and threw it at Jack who leapt out of the water to catch it and then started playing a game of swim and catch with Sam and James. She glanced at Todd and grinned at him. “You know, if you’d ever gotten in the pool before this you’d know about some of my talents in the water.”

Todd leaned towards her, resting his hand on her hip under the water. “Add it to my list of regrets,” he told her. “On the other hand, it’s nice that you can still surprise me.”

“Surprise, huh?” Blair grinned impishly before jumping out of the water right at him.

The only thing Todd was able to focus on were a pair of boobs flying at his face before Blair smacked against him. He probably could have stayed upright but all that wet, soft flesh pressed against him, clearly angling to dunk him, made him inclined to do whatever the hell Blair wanted. He toppled back into the water, grappling with Blair’s slick from as he went under.

Opening his eyes under the water he saw her grinning at him. Her hair billowed around her as she reached forward and tickled him before blowing bubbles at him and heading back towards the surface.

When Todd broke the surface moments after her, he heard her throaty laugh and he couldn’t help but smile. Why wasn’t I doing this all along? He wondered looking around at the kids splashing and playing and shouting and laughing. A touch of melancholy danced over him and when he looked back at Blair she seemed to understand.

“Just enjoy it,” she said softly.


	20. Chapter 20

Blair, Kelly and Starr brought out the various supplies for hot dogs and chips on the patio. Blair got the propane grill going and set about to cooking before Joey snatched the tongs from her and said that it wasn’t proper for a Buchanan to let someone else grill anything for them. Blair happily let Joey take over and searched the area for Todd.

She spotted him over in the yard with a beer in hand. His head was down and he seemed to be walking strangely.

“Todd?” She came up to him quietly. “You okay?”

Todd was staring down at his feet. “Do you know... I can’t remember the last time I walked barefoot on the grass...”

“Todd...”

“I mean, even before Irene got her mitts on me. Do you remember the last time I just loosened up and had fun?”

Blair thought back. The longer she stayed silent the more distressed Todd appeared.

“Damn, Blair, why’d you ever spend time with me at all?”

“Well, back then you would loosen up a little,” Blair reminded him. “I didn’t hang out with you because you were the rocking life of the party, Todd. I wasn’t exactly Party Time Barbie myself. But we had fun... remember? We made fun of the rest of Llanview. We made each other laugh...”

“We went sledding,” Todd remembered. “And we bought all those toys when I first got my hands on the money.”

“And the toy store,” Blair laughed. “Remember the toy store? Or the time we went around town and just dropped bombs on everyone’s life? Or toyed with David Vickers’ mind about what really happened that Halloween?” She stepped forward, reaching out with one hand to lift his chin. “So you didn’t run around in the grass all that much... we had fun other ways. Is this something you want to do now?”

Todd looked at her, her hair drying in the sun, her shoulders kissed with a golden glow then his eyes shifted to focus behind her where the kids were laughing and playing. “Yes. This is what I want.”

“What’s stopping you?” Blair asked.

Well, that was a loaded question. As far as walking around in the grass barefoot, nothing was stopping him there. He could do that at Viki’s. Llanfair’s grounds were expansive and now that he thought about it the idea of escaping the constant stream of Buchanans in and out of Viki’s overly floral home by running wild across the grounds like a werewolf appealed to him on an almost visceral level. The rest of it, though, wanting his kids and Blair around him, laughing and playing the way they talked about before he went to Ireland... there were obstacles and the biggest one happened to be the shapely form of the woman he loved.

“Stopping me?” Todd shook his head lightly. “Delaying, is more like it.” He sighed and smiled at her. “But I’m still getting all my shit together.”

Blair grinned as Joey called out that the hot dogs were ready. “Well, your shit can wait another day. Time to eat, huh?”

=========================================

It was almost midnight by the time Todd returned to Llanfair. His lips still tingled from the scorching goodbye kiss he gave Blair but his lids were heavy after a long day in the sun and water. His stamina wasn’t the greatest but he’d be damned if he was robbed of any more precious time with Blair and his kids.

The second he caught sight of the flowery wallpaper in the foyer, he sneezed. Three times in succession, in fact. There was no doubt about it, he was becoming allergic to this place.

Despite his weariness, he didn’t feel like going to bed. The house was quiet so he decided to take advantage and went into the library.

The floral decor in that room caused another sneezing bout. Todd groaned softly and moved towards the makeshift bar that had been in the same location for as long as he could remember.

“You okay, Todd?”

Todd jumped at the voice and aimed the tongs at where it came from. He peered into the darkness at the form by the windows and waited for his eyes to adjust. “Cord?”

“Yeah, sorry for startling you.”

“What are you doing down here?” Todd asked. “In the dark?”

“Thinking.”

Todd decided against the retort that was forming on his tongue suggesting that Cord could use all the help in the world at that and turned back to pour himself a few fingers of scotch.

“Don’t see you around here much,” Cord turned on the desk light and then sat down on the couch.

“That can’t possibly be a surprise.”

Cord chuckled. “No, I guess it’s not. I guess you’re spending a lot of time at Dorian’s.”

“My woman and my kids are there,” Todd said sharply. “Of course I’m spending time there.”

Cord’s lip quirked upwards a bit at Todd’s referencing Blair as ‘his woman’ but he nodded gently. “I can understand that.” He paused for several moments. “I went through something similar myself once upon a time. Went missing... fought my way back... came home to find my wife married to another man. My children loved him.”

“Was he pretending to be you?”

“No.”

“Then it’s not the same.”

“No,” Cord nodded ruefully. “Not completely.” He watched Todd for a few moments before speaking again. “Blair was there when I went missing.”

Todd’s eyes snapped up to meet Cord’s. “What?”

“In Jaba City. We were looking for Jake Harrison and things went bad. I got shot and the last thing I remember was Blair jumping into the river after me...”

“But she didn’t find you,” Todd finished. “I’ve never heard this story.”

“It’s the genesis of Tina’s hatred for Blair.”

“Tina hated Blair because she didn’t save you after you got shot and fell into a river?” Todd nodded. “That makes sense. Ironic in a way, since she hated Marty for a pretty similar scenario.”

Cord snorted. “Blair hated Marty before that.”

“Yeah,” Todd mused softly. “Yeah, she did.” He was quiet for a moment. “So... Jaba City. On a rescue mission?”

“We posed as medics,” Cord remembered, his voice quiet. “And we found Jake but before we could get him out we got caught. It’s strange, I haven’t thought about that in a long time. Blair’s so different from what she was then.”

“Different how?”

“She was... colder, in a way,” Cord leaned his cheek on his hand. “More calculating. There was plenty of fire and ferocity in her but... it’s strange sometimes to think about who she was when she first came to Llanview and who she is now. Hell, even the person she was when I finally came back to town. Putting down roots seemed to change her a lot. She held things so close to the vest back then... it was so hard to read her...” He laughed. “Well, that’s not fair. I never was that good at reading her.”

“No, you weren’t.”

“Maybe if I were, I’d have been able to figure out what your friendship with her was about earlier.”

Todd scoffed. “Like it would have mattered? You were never right for Blair.”

“Wasn’t I?”

“No,” Todd said matter of factly. “You weren’t. You were never going to be the one to make her happy. Hell, you couldn’t even manage to put her first for the brief time you were with her.”

“Tina was always there,” Cord sighed. “Even when we didn’t want to be together she was always there.”

“So that’s why you’re down here alone in the dark,” Todd realized. “You’re thinking about my idiot sister.”

“Tina’s not an idiot.”

“She’s not a rocket scientist.”

Cord laughed. “No, but she’s a hell of a woman.”

Todd groaned and pushed out of his chair. “Oh, whatever, man. Just go and marry her again already. You know you want to.”

“Yeah,” Cord replied softly. “I do... but I have to see something in her, something that tells me that this time it will be different.”

Todd paused at those words. It hit a little too close to home because he knew that Blair was waiting to see the exact same thing in him. “Why can’t you just love her as she is?”

“Are you asking me that? Or Blair?” Cord’s amusement was evident as he stood up. “It’s funny how alike you and Tina actually are. She’s engaged in baby switches and had a stint in jail and plotted against God knows how many people in her life. It’s not easy loving someone who causes so much casual damage. Blair is the toughest woman I know,” Cord stopped by Todd and looked at him. “To this day, I don’t know half of the things that must have caused her to become that. She told me a few things, she told Max a few things... I imagine she told you a few things, too. I compared her to a cactus flower once, sharp and prickly and thriving off of neglect and I wondered what she would look like and be like if she had someone who was totally in her corner. I did finally see that, you know.”

“That so?”

“Sure, I remember the two of you crashing that party all of those years ago. She was the most beautiful woman in the room that night because she was in love with a man who loved her exactly as she was.” He chuckled wryly. “Not that she knew it at the time.”

“What’s your point?”

“I know what it’s like to love someone who infuriates you, hurts you, disappoints you... breaks you down and builds you up. Tina and I have been married countless times and we have two beautiful children together. Sound familiar?”

Todd didn’t like the idea of having that much in common with his moronic sister. “Yeah, a little too familiar. Hey, it could be worse, though.”

“How’s that?”

“Viki’s been married like nine times. I’d have to work pretty damn hard to match that. Besides, she changes loves of her life as often as she switches out the bouquet in the foyer. Tina and I may be infuriating and hurtful and damaging... but at least we recognize true love and hold onto it no matter what. You gotta give us credit for that one.”

Cord looked at him thoughtfully. “You might be right about that one, Todd. You might be right.”

====================================

“I think we had our pool party at just the right time,” Blair commented as she drove Jack to school. “The weather this week is going to slap us in the face with fall.”

“Like you’re complaining,” Jack rolled his eyes. “You love this time of year. The more bitter it gets outside the more giddy you get.”

“My hot apple cider makes it all worth it, though, right?”

“It is pretty good,” Jack conceded. “The party was fun. It was kind of awesome when you got Scarface with your depth charge.”

“Jack,” Blair’s voice held a warning. “I thought I told you to knock it off with that name.”

“Oh come on,” he wheedled. “It’s not like he’s even here to hear it.”

“I want you to get out of the habit of saying it, period.”

“It’s fitting.”

“It’s not even remotely clever,” Blair admonished him. “Calling a guy with a scar on his face ‘Scarface?’ Frankly, I’m disappointed in your utter lack of creativity. Not,” she continued, raising a finger to make her point, “a challenge. Anyway, you’re not fooling anyone you know. You were having fun with him in the pool.”

“Whatever.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Blair glanced at him. “Your birthday’s coming up in a couple of weeks. Any thoughts as to what you want to do?”

“I want to see Da-- Uncle Victor.”

Blair nodded. “I’ve tried calling about that. No one in that house seems to want to return them. I’ll make a point of cornering them if that’s what it takes.”

“Cool.”

“Anything else?”

He shrugged.

“How about a ride?”

Jack perked up a bit at that. “That’d be all right, I guess.”

Blair smiled, knowing her teenaged son had given as much of a blessing as he was capable of. “Good. I’ll make all the arrangements then.”

“I’m running with the guys after school today,” Jack said as they turned into the parking lot. He spotted Tyler Givens, the captain of the soccer team, waiting for him. “So don’t pick me up right after school.”

“When should I?”

“Make it around five,” Jack shrugged.

“That’s the team captain there, isn’t it?” Blair peered through the windshield at the young man in question. 

“Yeah, that’s Tyler,” Jack looked at his mother as she studied the other boy. He wasn’t sure what she was looking for exactly. But she focused back on him and smiled, giving him an affectionate pinch on the leg. “Have a good day today, Jack Manning. Learn something and dazzle me.”

In spite of himself, Jack grinned. His mother was a dork. “Later Mom.”


	21. Chapter 21

Todd was never fond of police stations. He had learned at a very early age that the police were not what everyone seemed to want you to think they were. They weren’t around to protect him and his mother from their father’s brutality. They looked right through him and couldn’t see the bruises on his body back them. He didn’t know how to tell them he needed help and they never noticed that he and his mother were in need of it.

Once he got his well-earned reputation as a troublemaker he was the go to guy for the LPD whenever the wind changed. He was their excuse for not actually doing the work. Todd just didn’t have a hell of a lot of respect for any of them.

He had a thick folder in his hands as he walked into the LPD and this was one visit he thought he might actually enjoy.

“Manning, what are you doing here?” Bo asked irritably.

Maybe not. 

“I’ve got some paperwork here,” Todd said, keeping his voice neutral. “To make sure that everything done in my name while I was otherwise occupied for the last eight years gets stricken from my records.”

“That’s something the courts need to handle.”

“The courts are handling it,” Todd snapped as Bo attempted to turn away. “I was advised by my attorney to hand deliver this to you, Commissioner, so that you would be aware that this is happening. I’ll be visiting the DA with this as well. Who is your head file clerk so I can be certain this gets the attention it merits?” Todd chose his language carefully wanting to make absolutely sure that Bo knew he meant business.

He was well within his rights to want everything Victor had done in his name off of his records and that included a significant number of things that turned his stomach. At the absolute top of his list, Todd wanted his name removed from Marty’s captivity and Blair’s rape trial.

With all of the new technology available even in the eight years he’d been gone, Todd had been able to dig around quite a bit. The more he dug, the more he found reasons why Blair was such a closed off tower of ice whenever he tried to broach the subject of what had been going on with her during those years.

It also made him want to beat the shit out of Victor.

Bo finally called someone from records to sit down with Todd and go over everything ‘by the book’ which was tedious in the extreme. Todd imagined that Bo got some sick pleasure out of it after all given how boring it all was but Todd had a goal in mind and he wasn’t about to let it go. He got everything stamped and signed and stamped again before gathering his things in preparation to leave. That’s when he saw his assistant wander in.

He still couldn’t remember her name. Missy? Tracy? Stacy? Brunhilde? He’d read that some bosses were able to keep track of everyone who worked for them and referred to them by name each time they bumped into each other. He was the boss who never remembered anyone’s name. That had been Lou’s job. And this new girl didn’t strike him as particularly promising in that regard.

“Mr. Manning!” She blinked in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“Paperwork,” he replied. “What are you doing here?”

“Detective McBain had some questions for me regarding the fire at The Sun.”

Todd’s blood ran cold. Shit, if McBain presses then he’s going to put it together that Jack is the one responsible. I am not about to let that happen. Jack’s a little shit but he’s my little shit and I’ll be the one to handle him... well, me and Blair. He let out a slow breath and then pasted on a friendly smile. “Tell me about it...”  
==========================================

Tyler Givens was sharing his philosophy on tiki-taka. “It’s all about redefining the size of the pitch,” he said, “by creating space. You’ve got a great eye in the mid-field and you can easily take charge when the seniors leave after this year. You’ve got amazing potential, Jack, are you ready to step up?”

Jack was uncertain as to what the soccer captain was trying to say. His words were one thing but there seemed to be some weight behind them.

“You’ll be done with your probation at the end of the year and that’s way before the season starts,” Tyler went on. “You’ll be able to be with the team full time... as long as nothing else happens.”

Ah, there it was, Jack sighed. “Well, you never know, right?” Tyler was feeling him out regarding the whole bullying thing. Sometimes, he wondered if he should just start the whole thing over again so people would stop looking at him... waiting for him to fall and fulfill their worst expectations.

“I was close to your age when I went down that road,” Tyler said quietly. “Actually, I started in the eighth grade.”

“What?”

“I was a bully too, Jack,” Tyler said bluntly. 

Jack would never have guessed that clean-cut, All-American boy Tyler Givens had ever been a bully. He looked like he grew up with Captain America for a father. He acted that way, too.

“My brother went into the service,” Tyler explained. “And I didn’t exactly know how to deal with it. I wanted to be just like him. He was strong, athletic, good at everything and I looked up to him completely. When he left, I just didn’t know what to do and when he went MIA for a few months and I thought he was dead... that was even worse.”

Jack just stared, open-mouthed.

Tyler looked somewhat sheepish. “Look, I know things are crazy with your family. It’s hard not to know what’s going on there with the way this town is. I’m just here to tell you that I know what it’s like when you take the wrong path. And I also know that it doesn’t have to be the end of things, you can turn it around.”

They stood together outside the school gym and found themselves in the middle of an awkward silence.

“Let’s go for a run,” Tyler suggested.

Jack thought that was a really good idea.

The run helped. They’d run in silence for a while and then Jack would ask a question and Tyler would answer. They went back and forth about bullying and redemption before they both decided to ice the conversation and talk soccer instead. When they jogged back to the gym to get their things together their talk was relaxed and open. Jack felt strangely hopeful about his life and where it might go.

“Is that your dad?” Tyler asked. “I mean... the one that was missing and just came back?”

Jack looked over to where Todd was standing by a town-car. “Yeah...” this was a surprise, seeing him there. Jack couldn’t help but feel wary. 

“He looks pretty intense,” Tyler noted.

“I think he always looks that way,” Jack mumbled, noting that Tyler hit on the nose with his description. Given the situation, Jack was pretty sure he was the reason behind the expression on Todd’s face.

“Guess you’d better get over there,” Tyler slapped him on the back. “See you tomorrow, Manning.”

“I stopped by the house and told your mother that you and I needed to talk,” Todd said as Jack approached cautiously. He held out Jack’s phone as proof. “She gave this to me to give to you.”

Jack looked at his phone. There was a text from Blair on it. “Talk to Todd. We’re having tortellini with pesto for dinner tonight. It’ll be ready for you when you get home.” That was one of Jack’s favorite meals so he knew that his mom was doing that special for him. “What do we have to talk about?”

“Get in,” Todd jerked his head towards the car and went around to the driver’s side.

Jack sensed that this was not the time to pull any attitude. Not to mention that Tyler’s talk was still preying on his mind and getting in the way of any smart answers that might want to come out. He got into the car and slouched down in the seat. Todd glanced at his sullen posture and snorted lightly with a brief shake of his head but said nothing further as he started the car.

It was a fifteen minute drive to the Manning Building that housed The Sun. Todd maneuvered the car into his spot in the underground parking and got out, waiting for Jack to follow.

Jack slouched along behind his father wondering what he was in for. The silence from Todd didn’t bode well, it evoked the calm before the storm and Jack wasn’t sure what the storm would be.

“I was at the police station today,” Todd finally said once they were shut into his office. “Which isn’t actually all that strange but what was strange was that my assistant showed up, too.” He paused and leveled a look at Jack. “Care to guess why?”

“I’m guessing you’re going to tell me.”

“John McBain called her in,” Todd continued. “He called her in for information on the fire that happened here.” He stepped forward and leaned towards Jack. “You should be very, very grateful that I got to her first.”

“Why’s that?” Jack couldn’t quite hide the tremor in his voice.

“Because she would have told McBain about your little phone call releasing all of the employees that day. The day off that they all so richly deserved, remember that?”

Jack stared hard at the floor.

“I’m not stupid, Jack,” Todd said quietly. “I’ve known you were the one who started the fire since the day it happened. So has your mother.”

“You told her?!” Jack wasn’t exactly sure why he chose that to respond to.

Todd’s face took on a stormy countenance. “She is your mother and she has been here fighting for you for your entire life,” he said roughly. “I have an idea as to how things were when Victor was pretending to be me but I know the mistakes I made with Starr and I am not going to make them with you!”

Jack blinked. “Did you just use the words ‘Starr’ and ‘mistake’ in the same sentence?” He looked out the window. “Are there any pigs flying around out there?”

“Okay, smart-ass, sit down,” Todd nudged him towards a chair. “You’ve got an overdeveloped sense of sibling rivalry going on there, you know?”

“You try living with a sister who screws up all the time and everyone still thinks she’s perfect,” Jack grumbled.

“Have you met Viki?” Todd asked. He cocked his head knowingly at his son. “I’m very familiar with the ‘she can do no wrong; I can do no right’ family dynamic. This isn’t about Starr or Viki, though. This is about you and me and your little attempt to start a career in arson.”

Jack trudged over to the chair Todd pointed at and sat down heavily, slouching in his best ‘I don’t care’ manner.

“You do realize that with John calling in my assistant he was about two seconds away from figuring you out, right?” Todd asked. “And if you had been fingered for the arson then your probation states you go to juvie and that’s pretty much all she wrote. No more soccer, no more school, no more anything... you’re done.”

Jack hadn’t exactly thought of that but now that it was being pointed out so clearly he felt a shiver run down his back. Tyler had just told him that it wasn’t the end for him and Jack had almost proven him wrong due to a temper tantrum. “So... why isn’t he here with his handcuffs?”

“Because of me.”

“Is this where I say thank you?”

“You should,” Todd told him. “You should thank me for not allowing you to spend your sophomore year in juvie. Do you want your life to end before it has a chance to begin? Is that what you really want?”

Jack scowled fiercely not wanting to give Todd the satisfaction of his saying no.

“Do you have any idea what jail is like?” Todd asked. “Because I do. If you think your life has been difficult than you are kidding yourself. You are fighting, every second of every day, in there. You are told when you can sleep, when you can eat, when you can use the phone, when you can go to the bathroom. You do not have the luxury of thinking for yourself except for how to survive.” He stepped forward and grabbed Jack’s face in his hands. “You are my son, Jack Manning. You are my son and I would do anything to keep you from experiencing what I have in my life... in those hell holes that try to take everything from you.”

Jack stared at his father despite himself. The look in his eyes, the desperate searching look that bore into him was the same he got from his mother. He had never seen that look from Victor. Ever since he started getting into trouble he thought it was just a look that mothers gave. Now, seeing that same look from Todd he wasn’t quite sure.

What did that say about his relationship with Victor?

Jack stepped backwards, out from Todd’s grasp. “So... what?”

Todd noted his hesitance and also noted that for a brief second he seemed to reach his son. He sighed lightly and tapped his chin lightly with his finger. “Okay, well, things are going to change now.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Todd nodded. “You’re going to come work for me after school. You’re going to spend some father/son time with your real old man and not the faker who took my place for almost your whole life. And you will not call me Scarface anymore.”

Jack was surprised that was all there was to it. He was expecting some demands to ally with Todd in his obvious attempts to get Blair back. Then again, he wasn’t doing so bad on that front on his own. “What if I don’t agree?”

“It’s not a negotiation, Jack.”

“And you think that blackmailing me into spending time with you is going to make me like you?”

Todd shrugged. “You’re a Manning, kid. You’re a product of your mother and me,” he ignored Jack’s shudder at the thought. “We never do things the easy way... or the right way. We do things our way. And as it turns out... it suits us.”


	22. Chapter 22

Blair knocked heavily at the door to Victor and Tea’s abode. Jack’s desire to have Victor around for his birthday and her own questions as to how they were all going to proceed with things given the rather tangled family they were all a part of was what finally drove her to do so. If she had waited Victor out she may have waited until the end of time. The man could be impossibly stubborn.

She hadn’t wanted to interfere with whatever he and Tea were doing. She had her hands full with Starr, Jack and Sam. Todd’s determined presence in her life also kept her busy. It was hard work to maintain some aspect of normalcy in this situation that was entirely unlike normalcy at all.

Victor opened the door looking fierce. His rigid demeanor didn’t shift upon seeing Blair. “What do you want?”

“You to stop being an asshole for one thing,” Blair snapped immediately. She and Victor had been involved with each other since his arrival in Llanview. They had been through a great deal together and it was both hurtful and annoying that he treated her with such callousness.

“Don’t hold your breath,” he grumbled. “Seriously, what do you want?”

“I came to talk to you,” she glared at him. “Put your hackles down and invite me in as if you were a real boy, would you?”

“Tea and I might be in the middle of something,” Victor taunted.

“If you and Tea were in flagrante delicto,” Blair purred. “You wouldn’t have answered the door. If you were in the middle of something else, it’s clearly something you wanted interrupted or, again, you wouldn’t have answered the door.”

Victor grudgingly opened the door wider and stepped aside.

“I still know you pretty well, you little shit,” she hissed as she walked in.

His face softened into a smile. “I forgot how much I liked your honesty, Blair.”

“Whatever,” she turned to face him. “Where’s Tea?”

“At the university,” he shrugged. “Researching legal precedence.”

Blair raised an eyebrow. “She’s not likely to find any.”

“Oh, I know that,” Victor ran a hand through his hair and moved into the living room. “And I told her that but she’s a bit obsessive and wouldn’t rest until she saw that she couldn’t find any precedence with her own eyes.” He flopped down on the couch. “To be completely honest, Blair, I can’t wait for this whole thing to be over with... it’s exhausting and it feels like such a waste of time.”

Blair was silent as she watched Victor close his eyes. She hadn’t expected him to blurt that out but now that she looked at him, he did look exhausted. Fighting with him wasn’t as fun as it used to be, it usually just left her sad and deflated, so she was glad to not have to get her hackles up too much. “I came by for a specific reason,” she said quietly, sitting down in an armchair.

He opened his eyes and looked at her questioningly.

“Jack’s birthday is coming up.”

He nodded gently. “How’s Jackson doing?”

Blair smiled slightly as Victor used his old nickname for her son. “He’s slowly coming back. He would like to see you for his birthday.”

He nodded then his expression drifted again. “You know, this situation is likely to get more complicated before it gets better.”

Leave it to Victor, Blair sighed inwardly. For all of his bluster and blather, he was often quite capable of sensitivity and insight. Usually when she was least prepared for it. “Victor,” she said hesitantly. “What is it you want to do?”

His eyes focused on her, startled. He held her gaze for a moment before letting his wander away. “Well,” he laughed. “That’s the real question, isn’t it? I’ve tried not to think about it too much but I can’t seem to not think about.” He paused. “Do you think Todd’s going to take this house?”

The way he jumped from topic to topic without preamble had long ceased to startle her. “Why would he want it?” Blair asked. 

“Don’t pretend like his wanting it would have anything to do with it,” Victor replied, rolling his eyes. “I’ve lived in his headspace for eight years now. He’d take the house out of pure spite and we both know it.”

Well, it was no good pretending that Victor wasn’t exactly right about that. “Are you asking me to talk to him about it?”

“Would you be willing to?” Victor shrugged. “It would help put an end to the battle we’ve got going.”

“Sometimes I think I’m the only one who actually wants that,” Blair said pointedly. “The rest of you hold onto these fights like it’s your reason for living.”

Victor shook his head. “If you’re complaining about the fact that I held onto his identity for as long as I could I’m not going to apologize for that. Maybe you don’t get the fact that it was the only identity I had. It may have been stolen or borrowed or forced on me... I don’t even know... but it was the only identity I knew!”

Blair had considered that but hadn’t really been able to delve too deeply into the concept because she was too busy to set everything right again. “I get that, Victor, but now...”

“Now that it’s been decided it’s a question of trying to figure out who the hell I am,” he groaned as he let his head fall back against the the sofa. “And that’s not the easiest course to take when everything you may have been has been wiped clean and the only person who seemed willing to share information is dead.”

“Irene was only willing to share what she could use to manipulate,” Blair told him. “And I’m sure I don’t have to remind you that she tried to have you killed.”

“No, you don’t have to remind me of that,” he said quietly. “This house is mine, Blair. He’s never touched it. It’s not his and there are precious few things in my life that are mine and mine alone. This house and Dani are really the only things he hasn’t horned in on.”

“What about Sam?”

Victor lifted his head to look at her. “Sam was the first friend he made here, Blair. He rescued Sam from one of Irene’s goons and Sam chirps all day long about his friend Spider-Man.”

Blair wasn’t sure she liked the direction Victor was going with this. “So, what? Sam’s tainted or something?”

“No,” Victor said immediately. “He’s not... but... look, we both know I’ve been a pretty absentee father with him since we got him back.”

“That’s beside the point,” Blair shot back. “You’re still his father... or doesn’t that mean anything to you now?”

“I don’t know what means anything to me right now,” Victor snapped. “When you’ve had your entire identity ripped away from you and replaced with nothing, then you can tell me how to deal with it.”

“When you whine about Todd horning in on your life after eight years of living his maybe you don’t have much of a leg to stand on!”

They stared at each other in icy silence. She folded her arms over her chest and turned her face away from him.

After a few moments he spoke up. “Hey?” 

She looked back at him. His expression was softer and slightly sheepish.

She lifted her eyebrows at him.

“I’m glad you’re Sam’s mother,” he said. “I always knew he’d never have a better one than you. It’s why I asked you to be that for him in the first place. We weren’t in the best of places when that was coming out.”

“I remember.”

“That was always imperative, you know,” Victor told her tapping his temple with a forefinger. “Blair is the mother of my children.”

“What about Dani?” Blair felt herself flushing. Todd’s single-minded attitude towards her mothering always left her feeling self-conscious. Victor’s second-hand knowledge of it made it more acute.

“He didn’t know about Dani,” Victor said. “To be honest, I don’t think it would have mattered.” He glanced at the clock. “Speaking of which, she’ll be home pretty soon and we’ve got to decide what to do for dinner if Tea remembers to look at a clock in the next hour or so.” He pushed off of the couch and gestured to the foyer.

Blair got up from her chair and followed him. “Will you be able to make time for Jack on his birthday?”

“Yes,” Victor nodded. “Just text me the whens and wheres. And...” he hesitated. “Will you talk to Todd about the house?”

She nodded then reached forward to give his shoulder a squeeze before she left. She had a dinner of her own to make and Todd was on his way back with their son to discuss the goings on of the day.

==================================

“That thing is tiny,” Todd remarked, pointing at Jack’s iPod Nano. “You listen to music on that?”

“Yeah,” Jack shrugged. “Holds a lot.”

“What do you listen to?”

Jack glanced at his father and shrugged. Music was an innocuous topic. “I like Muse. Titus Andronicus is pretty cool. Foster the People... I’m kind of getting into some older stuff. AC/DC, Zeppelin, Radiohead.”

Todd nodded benignly having no idea what the first three names were. He knew the last three pretty well.

“What did you use to listen to?” Jack asked.

“Oh...” Todd grinned. “Pearl Jam. I was heavy into Pearl Jam.”

“They’re still around.”

“Are they?” Todd had the overwhelming desire to put ‘Oceans’ on and draw Blair into a sweet, slow dance. “That’s good to hear. I used to listen to Zep and AC/DC a lot, too. There’s a Zeppelin song that always makes me think of your Mom.”

“Do I really want to hear this?” Jack complained. “I swear to God, if it’s ‘D’yer Mak’er’ I’m jumping out of this car right now.”

Todd burst out laughing. He knew the song which was a moaning, groaning affair that was highly sexual and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t put him in the mood. “No, that’s not the one, keep your seatbelt on.”

“So what is it?”

“‘Tangerine,’” Todd said softly.

Jack didn’t respond right away. He knew the song. It had a faraway romantic quality to it and he was a little surprised that the guy so many people described as rough or hard or even unfeeling would select that song as making him think of Blair. “Kind of sappy, isn’t it?”

Todd laughed. “Well, I don’t think it’s that sappy but I guess I see your point. You won’t see me getting embarrassed by it, though.”

“Why not?”

“Your Mom is worth it.”

Jack’s eyes snapped towards Todd again. He turned his head to look at him good and long.

“What?” Todd asked.

Jack didn’t say anything. He just took a good long look at the man who happily and casually announced that his mother was ‘worth it.’ His mother definitely attracted men. Jack would have to be deaf and blind not to notice the attention she got. Unfortunately, she hadn’t exactly drawn the cream of the crop to her door.

“You know,” Todd continued when Jack didn’t say anything. “You’re getting to the age where you’re going to start appreciating the sappy songs, too. One day, everything is normal and the next day, suddenly, the most random things mean a lot because of someone else.”

“What, like Rodi’s?” Everyone in their family knew about the Rodi’s mythos and what it meant to Todd and Blair.

“Yeah, like Rodi’s,” Todd’s voice softened. “Talk about a dive. When I started going there it was a rat trap. Dingy and small and cramped and everything a dive bar should be. The beer was cheap which was perfect for the college crowd and even more perfect when I got out of jail and barely had two cents to rub together. It’s kind of weird how many people went there but it was a great dive. And it will always mean something to me because that’s where I first saw Blair and it’s where I first talked to her... it’s where I first heard her sing.” He glanced at his son. “You don’t get it. Yet. You will.” He recalled the girl at The Sun when the fire was put out.

“We all know about Rodi’s. What else have you got?” Jack sniffed.

“Oh,” Todd grinned. “A park bench... that’s where she first touched me.”

“If you start talking about where you first had sex, I’m jumping out of this car.”

“Too late,” Todd said, pulling into the driveway. “We’re here. Besides, I wouldn’t give you that kind of information. That’s between me and your mother. However, just know that if you ever push my buttons, I can tell you exactly where and how you were conceived.”

“Augh!” Jack flung himself out of the parked car. “Don’t even say that!”

Todd laughed and followed him into the house.

“Hi guys,” Blair came into the foyer. She reached forward to give Jack a hug but pulled back. “You went for a run.”

“Yeah,” Jack shrugged but his Mom gave him a light shove towards the stairs.

“Go shower,” she instructed. “Dinner will be just about ready by the time you’re done.”

Jack headed up the stairs, turning to look down at his parents as he went up the second turn. Blair was smiling at Todd, her face practically glowing, as they greeted each other. He continued up the stairs considering all of it. He wanted his Mom to be happy. Things were always better when she was happy. For so long he had wanted his Mom and Dad to be together again but things were never the same after Starr got pregnant. Victor left them for Marty and then for Tea. He and Blair were different after that, too. His mother let go of Victor even though at the time they all thought she had let go of Todd.

Then came Eli and after that Tomas. Tomas seemed to be going somewhere and Blair was cautious about it all but when Todd revealed himself at the movie premiere it was obvious that things were never going to be the same.

Jack wasn’t sure how he felt about any of this.

He was going to have to talk to someone... someone who had a longer frame of reference than he did.

He was going to have to talk to Starr.


	23. Chapter 23

Todd grew increasingly impressed at the way Blair controlled his brood. Was it strange to be thinking of them all in terms of his given how long he had been away from them? He decided it wasn’t. He included Sam as his as well because they were all Blair’s and what was Blair’s belonged to him.

He supposed that it was a primitive way of thinking but he was who he was.

It wasn’t that she ran a tight disciplinary ship, it was more along the lines of controlled chaos. Their kids weren’t made for stringent control and Todd couldn’t remember a time when Blair didn’t chafe under the mere concept of ‘following the rules’ herself. It just wasn’t in her. She was a creature of chaos, wind and fire all the way down to her bones but, somehow, she was able to direct their brood into some sort of managed weirdness.

Todd was more than happy to keep Hope occupied again while the kids did homework. When Sam asked him to help him with his spelling words, Todd sent a look towards Blair who nodded gently. The domesticity of it all made his heart ache and he wanted nothing more than to be able to be there all the time.

When Hope’s bedtime came, Todd asked Starr if he could put her to bed.

“Sure,” she said, her eyes widening just slightly in pleased surprise. “I think she’ll like that a lot. But don’t let her con you into reading too many stories, okay?”

“I thought Grandpas were supposed to spoil their grandkids,” he remarked as he swung his little Peanut up into the air and caught her.

“Spoiling her is fine,” Starr replied. “Just not to the point where she doesn’t get enough sleep and is a little grumpus tomorrow at LU’s daycare when I’ve got lab.”

“Well, if she’s so bad,” Todd made a goofy face at Hope who giggled, “why not drop her at The Sun tomorrow?”

Jack and Blair snickered in exactly the same way. Blair managed to look somewhat innocent when Todd directed a quizzical glance her way but Jack didn’t even bother. “You know, Starr, he’s not going to learn unless he lives through it. Send Hope with him tomorrow and after she ruins his computer and throws one of her famous tantrums he might listen to you about letting her get enough sleep.” Jack focused on Hope. “Yes, I’m talking about you, Terror.”

Hope made claws with one hand and swiped playfully in Jack’s direction.

“I can handle it,” Todd informed everyone and trooped up the stairs with Hope in his arms.

“He has no idea,” Jack shook his head.

“No, he doesn’t,” Sam agreed. “Maybe Hope will throw his phone in the toilet like she did Aunt Dorian’s!”

Blair laughed at the memory. “Todd has a long history of dealing with troublesome brats,” she said affectionately. “He’d probably find Hope’s grumpy antics endearing. The more terrifying you two were the more proud he was,” she ruffled Jack’s hair and nodded at Starr.

“What do you mean?” Jack demanded. “I don’t remember him at all...”

“Doesn’t mean he wasn’t there,” Blair told him. “You were still a baby when you grabbed one of the ornaments off the tree and threw it in the fireplace. He was practically bursting with pride. Said you were a natural athlete. He kept holding you too close to the tree to get you to do it again. You broke a dozen ornaments that year and he loved every second of it.”

“He also let Jack do it to piss you off,” Starr pointed out.

“Ah yes,” Blair leaned over and kissed the top of Jack’s head. “Negative attention is still attention, right? No wonder my kids are such menaces.” There wasn’t a hint of vitriol or disappointment in her voice; just amusement and affection.

“Is it alright if I have the soccer team over for my birthday?” Jack asked suddenly.

Blair blinked. “How many growing teenaged boys with ridiculous appetites are we talking?” She flinched slightly at the number but then shrugged with a nod. “Okay, lots of pizza and soda, we’ll use the basement... move the consoles down there so you can set up whatever games you want. And if you feel like playing any soccer, you’ll do it outside.” She nodded. “Yeah, I think that’ll work.”

“Ugh,” Starr snorted. “I’ll take Hope and Sam into Philly. We can go to the Aquarium. We’ll be back in the evening for presents. That way you won’t have to worry about Sam wanting to hang out and possibly getting hurt when you all start wrestling and crap.”

“Hey!” Sam objected.

Starr tossed a pillow at him. “We’ll have fun. I’ll call River and see if he can take the train in. I’ll ask James, too, and if he’s not working he can help.”

“Saturday morning I’ve got you to myself,” Blair reminded her eldest son. “We’re going riding, remember?”

Jack nodded and grinned. A month ago the thought of his birthday filled him with dread just because of all the trouble he had gotten into and who would want to be a part of it? Now it was turning into a Cramer Event and it was for him.

Todd came back down the stairs. “Peanut’s asleep and I only read her two stories.”

Starr smiled. “Good, I’m going to take the rest of my stuff upstairs.”

“Me too,” Jack piped up suddenly. He gathered his books and shot Starr a significant look.

She looked puzzled for a moment but she nodded.

“Mom, can I watch TV before bed?” Sam asked as he pushed his spelling book aside.

“What do you want to watch?”

“The Avengers,” he said. “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes! Some episodes are on the DVR and I haven’t had time to watch them yet.”

“All right, you can watch two shows before it’s time for bed. I’ll be up there to check on you, okay?”

Sam darted between Starr and Jack and bounded up the stairs ahead of them.

“What’s going on?” Starr asked Jack softly.

“I need to talk to you,” her brother replied.

Starr almost dropped her books in shock. She couldn’t remember the last time Jack willingly sought her out for anything much less to talk. She stared at him.

“Cut it out or I’ll change my mind,” he groused.

“You can’t blame me for being surprised,” she pointed out.

“Whatever,” Jack quickened his pace slightly to get her to hurry up.

=====================================

“So?” Blair turned to Todd as soon as the kids were up the stairs. “What happened?”

“Everything’s fine.”

The glare Todd got in response to that comment made him blink. 

“What?”

“What. Happened?” Blair asked again through gritted teeth.

“McBain was poking around,” Todd sighed. “He got close. Luckily, I was at the police station and caught what was about to happen and put a stop to it.”

Blair was quiet as she processed all of that. “What were you doing at the police station?”

“Filing paperwork,” Todd replied with a sniff. “Making sure that all of the misdeeds Victor performed in my name were wiped off of my records. I lost enough to that guy. I don’t need his handiwork on my rap sheet.”

“So,” Blair nodded, deciding it was best to avoid that particular thread.. “Back to Jack. Did you tell him?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“I got a lot of attitude and bravado when I told him what went down. He’ll be working for me at The Sun some days after school and he’s not allowed to call me ‘Scarface’ anymore.”

“You think that’s going to last?”

“I’m sure he’ll ‘accidentally’ slip up a time or two,” Todd shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll have some one on one time with him so it’s all worth it.” He paused. “I swear to God, Blair, there was a moment... I was talking to him, trying to knock all of that adolescent bullshit out of the way and get him to hear me, and there was a moment when we connected. He was my son, my boy, for that moment.”

Blair smiled tremulously. “I know what you mean.”

“Frustrating as hell when the walls went back up,” Todd said. Hearing himself say the words aloud gave him pause. Suddenly it hit him how much like Blair Jack was rather than him. Both Todd and Blair had a tendency to act without thinking but no one would accuse him of hiding his feelings. Blair was the one who built an emotional fortress and pasted on a facade to keep people from knowing what was really going on.

Holy shit, he thought. I’ve got to think about this some more...

“Yes, well, you had a moment,” Blair pointed out. “It’ll get better. You’ll get more, I’m sure of it.”

Todd nodded. “Let’s hope that this little arson thing was the last gasp of Jack’s darker chapter. You and I are on the case now,” he reached towards her with one hand and ran it down her arm. “We’ve got it.”

He sounded so sure of himself that Blair couldn’t help but smile in response.

“So, the money situation is coming to a head,” Todd changed the subject. “We’re doing a mediation to see if we can’t come to some sort of agreement without going to court.”

“How likely is that?”

“Depends on what they want,” Todd sat down on the couch and stretched his legs out in front of him. “If they attempt to claim any of my money they’re going to be very disappointed.”

“Tea will,” Blair remarked, sitting next to him. “She doesn’t like to give an inch.”

“Will you come?” Todd turned his head to look at her.

“To what?” Blair asked stupidly. Surely he wasn’t asking her to come to this mediation!

“To the thing,” he confirmed. “Hey, maybe we can do it at your club in the afternoon before it opens. Nice, neutral territory.”

“How on earth is my club neutral?” Blair frowned. “It’s no secret whose side I’m on.”

Todd couldn’t help but grin at that. “Will you come?”

“You want me with you?” Blair really couldn’t grasp it.

“Always.”

Was it a thousand years ago she had said as much to him when they were planning their second wedding and she was seeing her doctor about her pregnancy with Starr? Blair felt color rise in her cheeks. “I...” she pushed herself off the couch, suddenly uncertain. “I don’t know if I really belong there...”

“You belong with me.”

Her head snapped around to face him. He leaned back against the couch, looking up at her. His expression was serene but his eyes were sharp.

“We belong together,” he told her. “You know that we belong together.” He stood up then and took a step closer to her. “Of course I want you there and of course you belong there. This is our fight, Blair. Irene used Victor to take our life from us and we need to get it back. Together.”

She stared at him wondering if she was dreaming. How long had she yearned for Todd to reach out to her... to take her hand and say they were in it together, whatever ‘it’ actually was?

“Will you?” He asked.


	24. Chapter 24

Jack paced in front of Starr’s window, his arms folded across his chest and his head tucked in. His legs swung in a casual stride and Starr realized that Blair did the exact same thing when she was trying to think of how to say something. She wondered how she’d never noticed that before.

“Why is our family so weird?!”

She jumped slightly as he burst out with that but then relaxed with a rueful smile. “I used to wonder the exact same thing.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jack snorted. “No matter what I think or feel, you thought or felt it first. Rub it in more.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Starr insisted. “I just meant that... you’re not alone in thinking that. I was a little younger than you were when I started demanding that Mom and Dad... I mean Victor... be more like everyone else.”

“It didn’t work, did it?”

“Mom really tried,” Starr remembered. “She joined up with some Beautify Llanview group made up of the Ladies Who Lunch crowd. She hated it. She was so completely bored by that crowd but she still tried, for my sake. You know, I never thanked her for trying.”

Jack heaved a sigh. “So, Mom tried to be a Lady Who Lunches? What does that even mean?”

“Like Aunt Viki.”

Jack snorted contemptuously.

“Hey,” Starr frowned. “Aunt Viki’s great.”

“Really?” Jack asked. “When’s the last time she spent any time with us? When Mom booted Victor out last time around, how often did Aunt Viki come by and see us?”

“Hey, Aunt Viki’s been dealing with a lot at home, too.”

“Whatever,” Jack groused. “The fact is that if Mom and Dad... whoever he may be at the moment... aren’t together, Viki goes where he is and doesn’t give two shits about Mom.”

Starr wasn’t inclined to badmouth her aunt but she had a sneaking suspicion that Jack was more right than he knew. Her mind quickly sorted through years of memory to get a definite impression that if Blair wasn’t involved with Todd then she wasn’t a priority for Viki. “Mom’s a lot tougher than I thought,” she mused.

“We’re getting off the subject,” Jack said, flopping onto her bed.

“Are we?” Starr asked, she grinned as her brother shot her a dirty look. “Okay, what? What brought all this on?”

“Oh, you might as well know, Mom and Todd do,” Jack glared up at the ceiling. “I’m the one who started the fire at The Sun.”

“JACK!” Starr bellowed, causing her brother to wince. “What is wrong with you?!”

“Oh, I don’t know, Ms. Vandalizing, Hunger-Striking, ‘You’re Trying to Take Me Away from my Boyfriend so I’m Going to Run Off and Get Knocked Up!’ Maybe I was UPSET!!” Jack fired back.

Starr snapped her mouth shut and scowled. “How do you even remember all of that?”

“I’m not an idiot, Starr,” Jack pointed out. “And you were the little drama vortex of this family for a long time. The point is, it was right after Todd got his identity back from Dad-- Victor. I was pissed off so I did something stupid. Sound familiar?”

Jack was pleased to see his sister flush with guilt.

“All right, so... what happened after?”

“Todd told Mom and, apparently, they kept it quiet between them but McPain is still a McPain and got fairly close. Todd made a deal with his assistant to blow smoke and now he’s blackmailing me to work at The Sun a few days a week, stop calling him Scarface and share some father/son time with him.”

“Growing up Manning,” Starr started to laugh. “We just don’t do things normal. And before you say anything,” she interrupted as Jack took a breath to start in again, “you’re as weird as the rest of us considering you started this with your attempt at arson.”

“Stupid McPain ruins everything,” Jack groused.

“Why do you keep calling him that?”

“Because he is,” Jack said. “Need I remind you that he left Mom high and dry when she was recovering from being stabbed... and when was she stabbed? Oh yeah, when he left her high and dry to play White Knight to Cole’s Mom! The guy’s a jerk and everyone thinks he’s a hero.”

“He’s done heroic things,” Starr said lamely. Her heart wasn’t into defending John because Jack was absolutely right about him.

“He’s as bad as Tea,” Jack groused. 

“I thought you liked Tea,” Starr’s surprise was evident. The withering look she got from her brother was startling. It was as if he was silently judging her for being a complete moron.

“I liked her for about five minutes,” Jack said. “Back when she was sucking up to Victor in order to get him to bang her and screw Mom over.”

The perplexed look on Starr’s face made Jack grin. “Wow, Starr, everyone says you’re so smart and you couldn’t figure that out? Open your eyes, Tea used us to suck up to Dad.”

“No,” Starr shook her head. “That’s not right.”

“Just because she uses some stupid Spanish name on you doesn’t mean she loves you most,” Jack pointed out. “She does it to dig at Mom. Haven’t you ever noticed that? Did you notice that she could barely be bothered with any of us after Dani showed up?” He shook his head. “She was all about playing cutesy with me and Sam... bragging about how she loved wrestling and doing her best to be the coolest chick ever... all the while sneering at Mom. Then Dani arrives in the States and she can’t be bothered. We were her in first... then Dani was... notice she hasn’t squawked once about me and Sam staying with her and Victor since Todd showed up?”

It was alarming to realize that Jack was making some very excellent points. Starr’s brow furrowed as she considered what he said. She had been attempting to cut Victor out of her life at the time and wasn’t really around for his and Tea’s first connection. She did remember the strange off and on status of their relationship and both of them coming to her apartment to talk about it with her.

A shudder went up her spine at the memory. Talk about over-sharing! “I think we’re getting off the point a little bit,” she said, mentally promising herself to reconsider her own past with Tea. “You were complaining about us not being normal, right?”

“Was there ever any hope for us?”

“No.”

They sat in silence for a few moments before Starr started again. “You haven’t willingly talked to me about anything real in years. And I always thought you were too young before to get into it, which was stupid of me, because I was lying to cops and framing people for attempted murder when I was Sam’s age.”

“Little Miss Perfect,” Jack teased.

“Growing up Manning, Jack,” Starr ignored his jibe, “isn’t easy. It’s hard as hell and I can’t imagine what it would be if Mom didn’t love us and protect us as much as she does. Everyone in this town feels sorry for us because of who our parents are. They think we’re damned at birth... hell, at conception.”

“Come on, really?” Jack winced at even the suggestion that their parents had sex. “Do you have to go there?”

“The point is that everyone expects us to be monsters. Everyone. Mom and Dad think we’re great and unique but everyone else is just waiting for us to commit murder or something. When awful things happen to us, no one seems to care very much.” She stopped then and gave her brother a severe look. “Is that what happened?”

“Huh?” Jack blinked at her. “What... what are you talking about?”

“Why’d you pick on Shane?”

“What does that even matter anymore?” Jack groused.

“It matters a lot,” Starr pointed out. “It was after everything with Margaret Cochrane, and Mom and Victor being kidnapped, then everyone thinking Mom was dead but she was locked in a mental institution by someone who said they were going to help. Then Spencer Truman and Victor being on Death Row, and then Mom going off the roof and losing the baby and almost dying and Spencer attacking her,” she took a deep breath. “And then the search for Sam but Rex telling us that he was dead, and then finding out that he wasn’t and Marcie and Michael had him and the huge mess that turned into... then that awful FBI guy who was leaning on Victor and tried to kill Gigi and Shane... but Victor saved them and went to jail for it. Then I got pregnant and our happy family got screwed up again when Victor went nuts and then held Marty in his house and planned to run off...” She trailed off as she watched Jack’s lips practically disappear. “Then that awful mess with Dad’s old frat buddies and what Powell and Rebecca did to you while they took Mom and Victor and Tea away... And no one ever asked us how we were, did they?”

Jack shook his head slowly. “Mom was always trying to take care of us...”

“But no one else,” Starr confirmed. “Not even members of our own family.”

“People fussed over you,” Jack pointed out, getting off the bed and crossing over to lean against her dresser.. “After you had Hope suddenly they couldn’t fawn over you enough. Being kidnapped a few hundred times didn’t hurt, I guess.”

Starr had a vision of her mother returning from Tahiti after her wedding to Eli and the disastrous fallout. She had a shell-shocked look in her eye but pasted on a smile and assured everyone she was fine. Jack had become well adept at putting on the facade after the horror of Powell threatening him and locking him in a closet. “I don’t think I ever realized how much like Mom you are.”

Jack frowned. “Everyone says I’m like Dad.”

“Because you turned into a bully and people had been expecting you to take after him. They said the same thing about me when I was younger... no one ever talks about us being like Mom.” Starr was curious as to why that was. “But you do the same thing she does after she goes through something awful. You both put on a brave front and refuse to talk about it anymore... Jack...” she reached forward and grabbed his hand. “Meanwhile, the entire town practically fell over itself trying to find a match for Shane when he got sick. His Dad lied to us about Sam... we had a funeral for him but no one thought twice about it. You kept quiet and I didn’t even think about it because Mom does the same thing. Oh, Jack,” Starr flung herself at her little brother, who towered over her, and hugged him so tight he grunted.

She looked up at his face and saw that he was about to fall apart.

“Jack... it’s okay.”

The strangled sob that came out of him surprised her. She couldn’t remember the last time Jack had expressed an emotion other than anger or resentment. Starr pushed him onto her bed and then rooted around in her closet and came out with an armload of stuffed animals and piled them on top of him the way she did when he was little.

“You’re my little brother, Jack Manning,” Starr murmured as she tucked stuffed animals around him and cuddled against his back. “And I’ll always be there for you no matter what. This is what being a Manning is about... everyone else may hate us, but we always have each other. Always.”


	25. Chapter 25

“What are you guys doing?”

Starr looked over to the doorway to see Sam staring at them with a perplexed look on his face.

Jack hastily mopped his face with a plush bunny and then tossed it at his little brother. “Nothing, what are you doing?”

Sam wandered in and clamored up on the bed, kicking a stuffed spider in Starr’s direction. “Jack, are you okay?”

“Why would you ask that, Sam?” Starr asked as Jack pursed his lips together. Jack was half afraid he’d start bawling again at the question.

“Because we haven’t done anything like this since I was really little... since before Hope was born,” Sam pointed out.

“Did I mention that Mannings are pretty smart and observant, too?” Starr said to Jack.

“I haven’t been okay for awhile, Sam,” Jack admitted. “I’m sorry about that.”

“You’ll be okay,” Sam said with all confidence. “You’re Iron Man!”

Jack couldn’t help but grin. “Is that so?”

“Sure,” Sam nodded. “Tony Stark is the smartest guy in the world. He can always figure out how to do things... even if he messes up. And he does mess up. A lot.”

A slow grin of agreement spread across Starr’s face. “Yeah, that is true. Tony Stark is a mess but he always figures out how to fix it. Sometimes, he just needs help from the people who care about him the most.”

“All right, all right,” Jack gave Starr a light shove. “I get it. Thanks Sam.”

“So who am I?” Starr asked. “If Jack’s Iron Man... who do I get to be?”

Jack plucked the stuffed spider off the bed. “Black Widow!”

Sam laughed loudly at that and his two older siblings couldn’t help but join in. “Can we all sleep in here tonight? Like we used to?”

“Ugh,” Starr said playfully. “We all have school tomorrow and if we all sleep together we won’t actually get any sleep. You kick,” she pointed at Sam, “and you snore,” she punched Jack on the arm.

“You drool,” Sam and Jack said in unison.

Starr looked appalled.

“Seriously,” Jack nodded. “If you’re facing the wrong way I start dreaming that I’m drowning.”

Starr thwapped him in the face with her pillow. Jack retaliated by grabbing her wrists and yelling “Get her, Sam!” Sam attacked Starr’s sides with his fingers earning a shriek and a violent twist from her that resulted in the three of them falling off the bed with a loud thump.

“Do I even want to know what’s going on in there?” Blair’s voice came from down the hall. She looked in to see her three kids in a laughing heap together on the floor and almost burst into tears. How long had it been since the three of them had ridiculous, silly fun together? “What’s all this?”

The three Manning kids burst out into giggles as they scrambled up from the floor. “Nothing,” Starr said, sharing a conspiratorial grin with her brothers. “We’re just growing up Manning.”

Sam flung his arms around Blair’s waist. “Night Mom!” He let go and padded down the hall to his room.

Jack followed, stopping and giving his mother a hug. “Night Mom,” his tone was softer.

Blair looked after her boys and then shot Starr a questioning look.

“I think our Jack is really coming back,” Starr smiled. “Whatever groundwork you’ve been laying has paid off. It’s made a difference.”

“That’s good to hear,” Blair said softly.

“Did Dad go back to Aunt Viki’s?”

Blair nodded. “I told him to go get some rest. He’s got some busy days ahead.”

“It’s not going to keep him away,” Starr pointed out. “You know that, right?”

“Goodnight, Starr.”

====================================

 

The conference room looked like any other conference room. Todd drummed his fingers on the table as his lawyer, Cybil, flipped casually through her files. Blair sat on the other side of him looking tense.

Tea and Victor swept into the room a few minutes later. Or rather, Tea did. Victor looked exhausted, bored and irritated all at the same time. Tea took note of Blair and stopped short. “What is she doing here?”

Blair instantly got her back up at Tea’s tone. The hand resting casually on the table balled into a fist as she scowled.

Todd covered said hand with his. “I wanted her here.”

Tea’s lips tightened. “She doesn’t have any right to be here. She’s not your wife and she’s not your lawyer.”

“There’s no reason for her not to be here,” Cybil replied casually. “She certainly has plenty of input to offer to the proceedings. If your client doesn’t object we can go forward.”

Tea turned to give Victor a pointed look. He leaned back in his chair and gave her an insolent stare.

“Blair can stay, it’s fine by me.”

Trouble in paradise? Blair wondered as she noted the adversarial vibe between Tea and Victor. Tea liked to fight things out in court. Winning was oxygen to her and she didn’t care how she got a victory, she just wanted it. But Victor, Blair studied him, he looked weary in a way that reached further than not getting enough sleep. He looked tired down to his soul and his words about wanting it all to be over echoed in her head.

Much like Todd, Victor wasn’t one to voice his fears. Getting him to open up in the past had required patience and a lot of loving effort. He couldn’t imagine Tea having the patience for it, if she had even noticed his exhaustion. Blair had the very distinct feeling that Victor did not want to fight over the things that were Todd’s because he had his own fight ahead of him. A fight to find a sense of self when he had his whole identity taken away and replaced with that of another.

A sharp stab of sorrow hit Blair then. Victor was facing something very difficult and very different from Todd’s own battles.

Tea scowled as she took her seat and jumped right into the purpose of the meeting. “Let’s get down to brass texts. Victor successfully ran The Sun during Todd’s absence. There are questions regarding Todd’s initial trust fund in the first place. What did Victor Lord, Sr. actually specify in regards to his beneficiary?”

“The money is mine,” Todd said curtly. “The trust fund was specifically for me. If it hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have had to answer questions based on my history and upbringing. And do not talk about the past eight years as if I was on vacation. It wasn’t an absence it was an abduction and an imprisonment.”

The mediator cleared his throat at that point. “Ms. Delgado, we are not in court. Wordplay isn’t going to do much here. You want brass texts? Then stick to them. State your reasoning as to why you feel your client deserves a share of the money and how much you’re talking about. We can move forward from there.”

Blair wasn’t particularly thrilled to be there if she had to be honest with herself. The law rarely smiled upon her, whether through cops or lawyers, and it was only Todd’s insistence that made her do so. I really am the biggest sucker he’s ever known, she lamented to herself. As Tea droned on, Blair’s thoughts wandered to Jack’s upcoming birthday and the secret project she’d been working on that she was about ready to unleash.

She was shocked out of her thoughts at Tea’s harsh voice getting even harsher. “So instead of coming to a reasonable agreement you’d rather leave Victor, as well as myself and Daniella completely destitute? You won’t be happy until we’re in the gutter!”

“Destitute?” Blair questioned.

All eyes turned to her.

She sat up straighter in her chair. “Victor, may I speak to you for a moment? In private?”

“Absolutely not,” Tea refused even as Victor was getting out of his chair. As he walked to the other side of the room, jerking his head for Blair to come with him, Tea slammed her notebook onto the table angrily.

“Blair,” Todd said warningly.

Blair hushed him with a look and went to join Victor on the far side of the room. “Okay, how do you really want to play this?”

His eyebrows rose slightly.

“You and I both know that you are far from destitute,” Blair continued in a hushed voice. “If Tea’s pressing this issue she either doesn’t know or she’s going for blood because Todd wouldn’t fuck her when she wanted him to.”

Victor hissed a laugh at that.

“I know about the Cayman accounts, Victor,” Blair reminded him. “And I’ve got copies of recent statements since you keep forgetting to fix the address information. I also know that those accounts have been used to subsidize the Sun when times were particularly tough so you can quit with the ‘I kept this newspaper solvent and successful during a recession’ bullshit, too. If I tell everyone at that table about the Cayman accounts then you probably will be destitute by the time the courts are done with you. Do you want to risk that?”

“You know, Blair,” Victor smiled wistfully. “I really do forget how hot you are when you’re taking no prisoners.”

She gave him a vaguely bored look.

“What about my house?”

“I promised you the house, I don’t go back on my word,” she said sharply. “You make sure you come to Jack’s birthday because I don’t want you conveniently forgetting about that and disappointing him. You come to La Boulie for his party and I’ll have Todd hand over the deed then.”

“All right,” Victor nodded. “Guess I’d better get cracking on changing my account information in the Caymans, too.”

“You’d better tell Tea about those accounts, too, if you haven’t already. I’m guessing no,” she shook her head. “Now maybe we can all get on with our lives.”

He shrugged slightly. “Maybe,” his voice was far away. “Okay, let’s do this.” He turned and went back to the table. “Whatever belonged to Todd Manning belongs to Todd Manning,” he said. “What do I need to sign to end this?”

“What?!” Tea screeched. She shot an accusatory look at Blair. “What did you do?”

Blair sat down, ignoring the questioning looks from everyone in the room, and waited for the whole mess to be over with. This sort of legal wrangling always set her teeth on edge. It wasn’t long before the mediator got everything in order despite Tea’s vehement protests. Victor breezed out of the conference room, Tea hissing at him the whole way, and Blair found herself wondering what turn that would take when they got home.

Knowing them, it would take a turn she didn’t want to consider for much longer.

She noticed that Todd was watching her, his eyes sharp and hawkish, with a carefully schooled neutral expression on his face. A feeling of dread settled into the pit of her stomach and the only thing she wanted to do was get out of there and get away from everyone.

For his part, Todd noted with some alarm that Blair’s demeanor was that of a person who was expecting to get hit. He ought to know, he was well versed in that himself. As a child and as a prisoner there was nothing more frightening than a good moment because that’s when the strike came... exactly when you didn’t think it would.

“Well, Ms. Cramer,” Cybil said warmly. “I’m not sure what you did there but you certainly saved a lot of people a lot of time. For that, at least, I’m grateful. Mr. Manning, we’ve got some paperwork to finish up and then, I believe our business will be concluded.”

“Sure,” Todd nodded, not taking his eyes off of Blair.

Her face shifted almost imperceptibly and the haunted expression was mostly gone. She smiled a smile that didn’t reach her eyes and nodded at him. “Better go and take care of that then,” she said, her tone just a little too encouraging. “My work here is done. I’ll see you.” She brushed past him and out the door before he could say anything.

“Everything okay?” Cybil asked.

Everything was most assuredly not okay from where Todd stood and all he could do was wonder why. Blair had basically given him everything that had been taken from him in one fell swoop and then ran away as if she was expecting the sky to fall. “Sure,” he replied automatically. Cybil was a terrific lawyer but she wasn’t a confidant and he needed to figure out what was going on with Blair himself.

He followed her to sign and submit any paperwork that was left and then went downtown to buy Blair an appropriate thank you present. He wondered if he could put a bow on Llantano Mountain and give the whole thing to her.

=======================================================

Blair had done her best to get her mind off of her plummeting mood. Nothing seemed to work. Even going to the Capricorn building and seeing how close her dream home was to being completed hadn’t appeased her because it still felt like a million years away.

After several hours she decided she’d take a long bath. If that didn’t work, she’d raid the liquor cabinet but she wasn’t too fond of the idea of drinking her woes away with a houseful of children. Getting drunk alone also brought back embarrassing memories. No, a bath would be wonderful. She’d really indulge and let herself float away. She got a bottle of cherry blossom scented milk bath and started the water. Then she lit an amber incense stick and waited for the bath to fill, letting the sound of the water combined with the amber and cherry blossom scents to start draining her stress away. After a few minutes, she shed her clothes and turned the water off to prepare to get in.

That’s when she heard movement in her bedroom.

None of her kids were that stealthy. They thought they were but there was something ingrained in all of them that left them a little too clumsy or a little too heavy of foot to be truly ninja like. And they all knew never to sneak into her bedroom after the incident where she was almost murdered. They knocked and announced themselves... sometimes too loudly.

Blair reached for the bat that she always kept in the bathroom now and charged out, holding it at the ready.

Todd had absolutely no idea how to react to a stark naked Blair charging at him with a bat in her hands. His mouth hung open and his sex starved eyes took in absolutely everything but the weapon she wielded. Breasts, nipples, that crease where her thigh met her pelvis, those beautiful, enticing curls between her legs.

“Todd!” Blair bellowed. “What are you doing here?!”

“What?” He asked stupidly, eyes darting from her breasts to between her legs and back again.

She swung the bat at him. She wasn’t close enough to make contact but it did get his attention.

“What?” He asked again, with a bit more presence. He was still having a hard time keeping his eyes above her neck though.

“What are you doing here?”

“Oh,” he turned his head to gesture to her vanity table but still couldn’t tear his eyes away. “I wanted to surprise you with those.”

Blair saw the bouquet of lilies and rest the bat on her shoulder. “I see.” She turned to go back and drain her tub. Clearly her relaxing bath wasn’t going to happen. “So much for bathtime,” she muttered.

Todd’s eyes rested on her pert bottom as she stalked away from him. Still so tight you could bounce a quarter off of it. He could picture it bouncing underneath him as he pushed himself into her from behind. His own body responded enthusiastically to the idea... it was already making it’s pleasure at Blair’s naked state known. He adjusted himself just as Blair came back into the room.

She was wearing a bra and panties now, her arms filled with the clothes she was wearing earlier. It didn’t abate his desire at all.

Blair dumped her clothes into the hamper in her closet and then threw on leggings and a patterned tunic top. “I appreciate the flowers, Todd, but please don’t ever sneak into my room.”

“You know, if you want to have your bath, I can wait,” Todd offered helpfully. “Or join you.”

Blair took the flowers and set them on her dresser before shaking her head and heading out the door.

“Do you always have a bat in your bathroom?” Todd asked.

“I do now,” she replied.

“I’m sorry if I scared you,” Todd continued.

“I’ll get over it.”

“I really just wanted to get you something to show my appreciation for earlier today,” Todd kept going. “I know flowers aren’t much but you’ve always liked them in the past and I know you love lilies.”

She didn’t respond.

“I just... you really came through for me Blair. You always do.”

She stopped when he said that staring out the French doors of the living room that they were now in. “It’s nice to have someone you can count on isn’t it? Someone who comes through for you... even when you’re not on the best of terms. It really means a lot, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Todd said warily. There was something in Blair’s tone that got his hackles up.

“I bet you can guess who that person is for me,” she said sweetly.

Well, it wasn’t him, Todd knew that all too well and it was one of his greatest regrets. It was something people had been throwing in his face since his return, too. “Dorian?” He didn’t think Dorian had been a very good support for Blair but he figured Blair would defend her aunt as she typically did.

Blair stared at him for a moment then took a deep breath and screamed. “NO ONE!!”

Her voice echoed in the room and Todd found himself in an unusual position. He felt like he was standing outside of himself, separated from the moment by a strange distance that kept him from reacting like he might have several years ago... either with disdain or by shooting accusations at Blair to deflect from his own feelings of guilt. He remembered when he had stood in this very room and unleashed a tirade against Blair for not missing him while he was gone. He remembered standing there and telling her in no uncertain terms that he blamed her for his missing years and how she stood there in return and let him unload.

She put him first and it was painfully obvious that no one had ever done the same for her.

So he’d have to step up and do it... he should have done that years ago and he had promised himself that he would do right by her if he ever got the chance.

He turned and shut the doors between the living room and the foyer. He rested one hand on the doors and took a deep breath before facing her again. “Tell me about it.”

“What,” Blair shrugged. “You want to hear your stupid ex-wife talk about what a sucker she is?”

“Don’t...” Todd shook his head. It hurt to hear her refer to herself like that. 

“You think I don’t know?” She flopped down on the couch and stared up the ceiling. “You think I don’t know that’s why you called me when Irene shot you? You think I don’t know that I’m stupid enough to keep helping you and now that you’ve got your identity and your money back that all of this courtship bullshit is going to disappear and you’ll go back to working eighteen hours a day at The Sun and probably hire Tea to try to get custody of Jack from me? I hand you everything because I’m horrified that you spent eight years being tortured while I didn’t even have a clue and now you’re going to use my idiotic sympathies against me.”

He sat down on the coffee table next to the couch and leaned towards her. “Your heart is one of the best things about you, Blair.” He paused. “That and your legs...”

She shot him a cold glare and shot up off the couch. “I’m glad this is so funny to you.”

It actually wasn’t funny at all. Todd just didn’t know how to make her feel better. He couldn’t very well deny what she said before because he had used her heart and her willingness to help him against her constantly for years. She would come through for him and he’d used the opportunity to stab her in the back every time.

“My stupid heart,” she muttered, her voice breaking slightly, “has only resulted in a series of betrayals so profound I can’t even face them... I can’t be honest about them. I just shove them aside until the next person tells me they love me. Max said he loved me and cheated on me. Spencer said he loved me and destroyed my entire life and then drugged me and tried to rape me. Kelly said she loved me and left me on the side of the road to die. Dorian said she loved me and treated everything I ever cared about like something that could be thrown away and replaced. Starr said she loved me and then called me a whore. Eli said he loved me... Tomas said he loved me... you said you loved me... everyone says that and then they...” she dissolved into tears. “How can they do those things to me if they love me?” She bent over slightly, reaching for the back of the nearest chair to steady herself but ended up collapsing into it.

Blair’s tears were always painful to listen to because they were always real. Blair never cried for show or for sympathy. Her tears came from the deepest part of her that had learned far too long ago that real emotion was something people didn’t want to see from her. That whatever was going on inside of her wasn’t as important as the facade she wore on the outside.

Todd stood there listening to her cry and realized that for as much torture he had withstood over the past eight years Blair had gone through something very similar. For him, the people hurting him had been enemies... people who had purposefully taken him and hurting him to get something very specific. Blair had been hurt by people who said they loved her, people who were her family, people she cared about.

He wasn’t exactly sure which was worse. He could, at least, compartmentalize the damage. Blair had to look at people, to this day, who had hurt her and never actually be able to voice to them what they had done.

He stepped forward and sank into the chair behind her, sliding his arms around her and pressing his face into her back between her shoulder blades. He felt her stiffen at his touch but he tightened his arms around her and didn’t pull away or move. Once upon a time, a heartbroken Blair had cried herself to sleep in his arms after he had denied her attempts to soothe her hurts with his body. It had been the night he acknowledged that she was the first woman he had ever had sex with that he actually liked as a person and a friend.

He hadn’t taken good care of his friend... his friend who had such an amazingly big heart that she had reached out and befriended a rapist ex-con. Defended him, protected him, made him feel better, made him feel like a person... and as far as things went, he was probably at the top of the list of people who had done her wrong over the years.

She was the love of his life and he had treated her horribly. He was the one who supposed to protect her and defend her and take care of her and he had failed on all fronts.

He shifted around slightly so that his lips rested against her ear. She was cocooned in his arms and he felt her body relaxing against him. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, tracing the line of her jaw with his fingertip. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.”

And it was true. His Blair was a fierce, ferocious woman who was the strongest person he had ever known. Stronger than Viki, even, because Viki had a huge support network while Blair had been on her own from the start. When they had found each other they were supposed to have found the person that would stand by them when no one else would.

Blair had said it at the cabin. She thought she was alone in the world but when she met him she knew she wasn’t. She had kept her promise to him all of these years... when he had needed her, she had always come through. She had done as much today.

He hadn’t kept his promise to her. That was going to change. And he was going to tell her so. He opened his mouth to say exactly that when instead...

“Blair?”

Tea Delgado’s voice broke in.

Blair and Todd pulled away from the back of the chair in unison to see Tea standing in the middle of the room staring down at them indignantly.

“I need to talk to you.”

Todd decided that maybe he wasn’t all that sorry for how he had treated Delgado over the years. She was still an interfering, interrupting, master of awful timing and if she did or said anything to make Blair feel bad, Todd vowed silently to remove his least favorite ex-wife from Dorian’s awful mausoleum personally.


	26. Chapter 26

_Story of my life_ , Blair thought as she looked at Tea. Just as she was beginning to feel better, safer and more comfortable, someone comes along to throw cold water on her and remind her that she didn’t get to have that sort of thing. At least Tea wasn’t throwing actual water on her this time.

“Need to talk to me about what?” Blair said, pushing off of Todd’s thigh to stand up.

Todd remained seated for the moment. He seemed to be waiting.

Tea took in the two of them and her nostrils flared. _How cozy_ , she thought. _Celebrating the fruits of their labor_. She didn’t stop to consider that the mood in the room was far from celebratory or that neither Blair nor Todd looked particularly happy. “I want to know what you said to Victor today.”

“Ask Victor,” Blair replied.

“I’m asking you!”

Blair resented Tea’s imperious tone on principle and she sure as hell didn’t appreciate it being directed at her in her home. “Ask. Victor.” She clipped her words off.

Not for the first time, Todd wondered just what the hell sort of friendship these two had. Tea didn’t look particularly friendly at all. She looked like she did during much of his marriage to her when Blair was around; uptight and jealous. Blair was stiff and unyielding but since her back was to him, he couldn’t see what her expression was.

“You said something to Victor that made him give up his share of the money and I want to know what it was!”

“Victor didn’t give up his share of anything,” Blair replied cooly. Todd stood up then and moved behind her. “That was Todd’s money. It was always Todd’s money and Victor never had any claim to it. The only thing Victor did was let go of a fight he didn’t want any part of.”

“And how would you know that?” Tea scoffed.

“I looked at him!” Blair’s voice rose a notch. “I talked to him! I fucking listened to him, too! He’s not Todd and he accepts that and in accepting that he’s not interested in holding onto the things that are Todd’s. Have you noticed that or are you too busy trying to win?”

“Don’t you lecture me on my husband!” Tea fumed.

“Then don’t come here demanding to know something that your husband should tell you! This is between the two of you!”

“You know what it is!”

“It’s still up to him to tell you!” Blair seethed. “I know what it’s like to feel outside of your marriage... not a part of it... but I’m not going to stand here and hand you information that is your husband’s duty to tell you!” She felt Todd’s presence behind her, one hand reaching down to take hold of one of her balled fists. She could feel the heat of his body radiating into her and she felt... supported for possibly the first time in she wasn’t sure how long. “Go home and drag it out of him if you have to... and if he doesn’t want to tell you, maybe you need to ask him and yourself _why_ that is!”

“This is so typical of you,” Tea scoffed. “Todd shows up, _your_ Todd, and you practically break your neck allying yourself with him.”

“Maybe I have a problem with someone swooping in and trying to claim a life that doesn’t belong to them.”

Todd wished he could have jumped forward with a triumphant ‘Burn!!’ but held back. He wanted to see how this played out.

Tea scowled darkly. “Staking your claim on the Manning fortune again? Should we be expecting you to announce you’re pregnant soon?”

The temperature in the room seemed to plummet. Blair’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t know, Tea, feeling antsy? Do you want to try to steal another one of my kids? Might be hard to do when I’m not in a coma.” She headed out to the foyer with Tea hot on her heels. Todd followed them not wanting to miss a moment. Blair opened the front door and gestured to it. “Off you go.”

“We are not finished!” Tea insisted. “I need to know what you said to Victor!”

“Ask _him_!” Blair took a deep breath and then focused on Tea. “What I said to Victor involves information I had from when he and I were married. You don’t get to be a part of that, not from my end. If Victor wants to include you that’s up to him. Now go home and talk to your husband and leave me the hell out of it!” She stormed back into the living room.

“We’re not finished!” Tea repeated, more shrill than before. She made to follow Blair but Todd got in front of her, effectively stopping her.

“Actually, Delgado, I think it’s a pretty good idea that you leave.”

Tea’s mouth hung open for a moment. She stepped back and took in Todd’s countenance with a shrewd eye. “I see.”

“Do you?” Todd raised his eyebrows. “I doubt that.”

“Please,” she sniffed. “How long did I beg for you to give me a fraction of what you gave Blair? You think I don’t know what’s going on here?”

Todd was pretty sure that Tea didn’t have a clue. Oh, she might know what he was actively working on winning Blair back and she might think that Blair was as good as his again. All of those things were true but he was positive that Tea had absolutely no idea just how much damage Blair had suffered over the years and sheer amount of work it required of him just to be near her... especially when she was feeling raw and used like she was right now.

“I know how to take care of my ex-wife,” Todd said softly, nodded towards the door.

She eyed him. “That’s the least you can do for her.” Tea looked like she wanted to continue but instead she turned on her heel and left.

Todd shut the door behind her noting that Tea’s last comment was probably the most genuinely friendly thing he had ever heard her say about Blair. Yes, taking care of Blair was the least he could do for her... because he needed to do so much more.

He went back into the living room where Blair was sitting on the couch, her head leaning against the back. He reached forward and flipped a lock of her hair with his fingers as he passed behind her.

She raised her head to look at him. “Did Tea leave?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, bending over slightly to slide his hand over her knee as he slipped his other arm behind her neck to envelope her and pull her against him. She looked at him, her face a mixture of suspicion and wonder as he sat as close to her as he could. It made him angry... at himself more than her. To think that just reaching out and holding her was so foreign to her that she didn’t trust it. “Let her go back to her mess,” he murmured. “She always was a killjoy.”

Blair snorted appreciatively and let her head rest on his shoulder.

He leaned his cheek against her hair and just held her there for awhile in silence. “How do you feel?” He said at last.

“Crappy,” was the prompt response. “Nothing to be done about it. I’ll just feel crappy until I don’t feel crappy anymore.”

Todd squeezed her a little more tightly against him attempting to will her to not feel crappy anymore. “There’s got to be something we can do to help the mood.”

Blair laughed a dry, humorless laugh. “I used to go out and find a man to make the bad mood go away.”

Todd felt his blood warm up at the mere hint that he could be just such a solution for her.

“I don’t do that anymore,” she sighed. “It never was a very good cure. Pretty much always felt worse right after. Sometimes during.” She shrugged out of his embrace and stood up. “Too bad you can’t be casual, Todd,” she laughed ruefully. “We could probably take care of this right now.”

He had to sit there for a moment and take that in because there was a ridiculous amount wrong with what she said. Once upon a time he had told her that she could use him anytime she wanted to. He hadn’t really meant it because if he had, he would have let her use him that night. And he didn’t want her to use him now. He didn’t want Blair using him to hide from the feeling that her reaching out to him was going to result in his betraying her. There was something seriously screwed up about that. He also didn’t want her looking at him casually. He didn’t want to be the guy that she’d crawl out of bed with and not care about what had just taken place between them. What they had together was too precious and special and rare to be treated like just another fling.

“Since when are you casual?” He asked her.

She snapped around to look at him, her eyes wide. “What?”

“You’re not casual,” he pointed out. “You never have been. You just _think ___you are... or _pretend_ you are...” he stood up and walked over to her. “How many men have you used to make yourself feel better, Blair? Only to wind up in long-standing serious relationships with them?”

The surprised expression on her face told him she really hadn’t thought about it that way. 

“Anyway,” he continued. “The last thing I want to be is casual with _you_.” 

“Really,” she said dryly. 

“Blair,” he sighed. “If I could... if you’d let me... I’d take you upstairs and spend the next however many hours making love to you... giving you a reunion that’s _worthy_ of you. I don’t want to be with you because you feel crappy and just want to feel better for a few minutes. I don’t want to be with you out of some sense of fear that everything’s about to go horribly wrong. I want to be with you because you _matter_ , because we’re celebrating, because we’re _together_. We’re together again like we haven’t been for almost nine years now. And when we are together I don’t want to have to think about getting up and going back to Viki’s... I want to be here, with you in my arms and our kids down the hall and know that that is how it’s going to be.” 

He watched her as she stared out the French doors to the inky autumn night. “What about you?” 

She looked at him in surprise. “What _about_ me?” 

She may as well have stabbed him right in the heart. _What about me_? As if it was absolutely unfathomable for anyone to think of her. It was unfathomable for him _not_ to... standing there, looking beautiful, so beautiful that he ached for her to the very center of his soul. 

“It’s not just about me wanting to be with you,” he said softly. “I want you to want to be with me, too. Because you love me, because you believe in me and us, because you can’t imagine your life without me for another second.” 

Blair stared at him and then turned her head sharply to look outside again. 

“I did it all wrong before,” he said. “When I came back to Llanview after Tea left... I was all wrong.” Todd shook his head, remembering those days. “Viki and Sam had me so brainwashed it wasn’t even funny... thinking that Tea was love and my life without her was meaningless. Somewhere inside of me I knew they were wrong. I came back to you and Starr because I remembered, in some dark, forgotten place, that you were what made me happy. But I was so messed up from my time with Tea that I couldn’t articulate it and I couldn’t show it. And I came about it the wrong way... just the wrong way completely and I messed everything up. 

“But now, this time, love isn’t some manipulation forced on me by two people I trusted but who never really knew what things were like. Love kept me alive, Blair. You kept me alive and I know exactly how precious and special what we have really is and I’m not afraid to say so or show it... if you’ll let me. And I’ll wait for you to let me show you. I will. I got my money back today but, like I told you in that airplane all those years ago, it doesn’t mean a thing if I don’t have you.” 

Her breath was ragged from how hard she was clearly working to stay in control of herself. 

_My towering fortress of snow and ice_ , he thought as he watched her. “You need to get some waterproof mascara,” he said lightly. “You’re going to look like a raccoon in a minute.” 

She sobbed out a laugh and scrubbed under her eyes with her fingertips. She moved over to the mirror Dorian had on one wall and cleaned herself up as much as possible. She appreciated his attempt at levity. Things were definitely getting a bit too heated. Her heart wanted so much to fall into his arms but her head, her head wouldn’t let her. 

_Not yet_ , she thought. _Not yet_. “Look, I’ve got an idea for Jack’s birthday,” she said, changing the subject. “He’s on probation so he’s not allowed to get a license until April but since Starr got a car at sixteen I think Jack needs to have one so he knows he doesn’t fall short on the totem pole. Besides, he can still practice as long as he’s got a licensed driver with him. How about you meet us at the stables and we can all go get a car together?” 

_I love this woman_ , Todd thought. Here she was, expecting him to stab her in the back and she was still including him in a huge birthday present for their son. “That sounds great. What time?” 

“The party here is going to start at one,” she said. “So meet us at the stables at around ten. That will give us plenty of time. You might want to have a driver bring you that way one of us can drive my car back and the other can drive Jack and his car back. Or let Jack drive. He’d probably like that a lot.” 

“Yeah, I’m guessing he probably would.” 

_What would Blair like_? He wondered. What could he do to show her that she mattered? That was the real trick. Blair wasn’t a big believer in words. People told her things all the time and then they’d do the exact opposite of what their words were supposed to be about. He’d done it himself. He had to come up with something, some gesture, to prove to her that she mattered. _She mattered_. And that wasn’t easy because Blair, as well as he knew her, was still a closed book on so many things and refused to open herself up to allow someone else to help her or do something meaningful. 

Todd was going to have to delve deeply into everything he had ever known about his Blair. This would require real thought. 

He’d do it. 

No one knew her better than him. 

========================================= 

Blair had a vivid imagination. She always did. When she was young she would crawl into closets and dream her life away so determinedly it would result in raging headaches. She tried so hard to live in her fantasy world that social workers thought she was pathologically shy and unequipped to interact with the real world on a normal level. She had been labelled as ‘special needs’ at a time when most people really didn’t care to understand it and it had kept her in the system her entire life. 

She still had a tendency to imagine her life away. To dream of what might have been. What if... things had been different? What if she had never lied to Todd about being pregnant? Would they have fallen in love anyway? What if he had never left to go to Marty? What if she had gone with him like he asked? 

What if... 

What if... 

What if... 

What if they could make it work? 

It was more than a little frustrating that as Blair’s dream home neared completion she saw Todd ensconced within along with the rest of their family. She could see him puttering about in the kitchen in the morning or working in an office that she was already decorating in her head just for him. She could picture him standing on the balcony looking out over downtown Llanview then turning to her with that rare golden smile that only she ever saw. 

The bedroom she had already decorated in her head only seemed to find completion with him in it. If she tried to remove him, she felt his loss keenly. 

“Don’t, don’t, don’t,” she whispered to herself as she lay on her bed, knees drawn up tightly against her. “Don’t get sucked in... he’ll hurt you. You know he’ll hurt you.” 

But her heart wouldn’t listen. Her heart insisted that Todd was a part of her life, and her future and no matter what her head tried to do, it couldn’t erase the possibilities she so desperately yearned to come true. 

“Oh, Blair,” she groaned to herself. “What is your _deal_?” 

The doorbell rang then. It was so unexpected that Blair just furrowed her brow in surprise before it rang again. She glanced at the clock as she got out of bed and put on a robe. It was shortly after midnight. As she got to the landing of the stairs she saw Starr poking her head out of her room. 

“Mom?” 

“I’ve got it,” she said. “Go back to sleep.” 

Blair padded down the steps to the foyer as the doorbell rang a third time. She flipped on the front light and looked out the peephole. She stepped back, rubbed her eyes and looked again, then feverishly disarmed the security and undid the locks before flinging the door open with an excited squeal. 

Cassie swept into her cousin’s embrace, weary and relieved. “I’m so sorry it’s so late...” 

“I don’t care what time it is,” Blair insisted. “You are never unwelcome or inconvenient!” She cupped Cassie’s face in her hands and smiled at her cousin before spying several bags sitting on the porch behind her. “You seem like you’re planning to stay awhile?” 

“I hope that’s okay.” 

Blair smiled brilliantly. “More than okay.” She moved to bring some of Cassie’s bags in. Cassie did the same. 

“I’ve heard about some very interesting developments in Llanview the last few months,” Cassie hedged with a knowing look. 

“Is that why you’re here?” 

“I’m here for a lot of reasons,” she replied. “But it’s one of them. I know Mother is busy in Washington and, let’s be honest, she wouldn’t exactly be a help to you in this situation given her feelings on the man in question.” 

Blair smiled to herself. “True.” 

“So... it’s true? Your Todd was gone and replaced by a fake?” 

“Unbelievable, huh?” 

“Oh,” Cassie shrugged knowingly as they trudged upstairs with her luggage. “I’m pretty careful about throwing that word around. I’ve seen too many unbelievable things actually happen. How are you?” 

“You know me,” Blair said breezily, as they brought the bags into the room that had always been Cassie’s when she visited. 

“Yes,” Cassie nodded, her voice soft but firm. “I do know you. And I know you’re evading the question. Sweetheart... how are you?” 

Blair turned to her cousin tearfully. “Cassie... I’m a mess.” 


	27. Chapter 27

Tea threw her purse onto the couch with a huff and rubbed her eyes.

“So,” Victor’s voice came from the dark. “What did Blair say?”

She jumped, a delicious shiver running down her spine, turning to where he sat in the shadows. “She told me to talk to you.”

“I might have guessed,” he said. “We liked to pretend she was an interference but when Blair’s done with something, she’s done. And she was done with me long before Todd showed up again. She was done with me even when she was trying to keep me from you.”

“Is that so?”

“She could have had me and she let me go,” Victor stood up from the table and walked towards Tea, still shadowed in darkness. “She let me go when she believed I was Todd because she wasn’t interested in begging for scraps from a man she didn’t even feel was worth it anymore. She never looked at me the same after Marty. She was done... it just took her awhile to realize it because she’s so stubborn.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you need to hear it,” he folded his arms over his chest. “You think I don’t know why you went over there? You want to know what she said to me today to make me drop it all.”

“What did she say?”

He was quiet for a moment. “What does it matter?”

“Because I want to know!”

“Why?”

How could she explain it? How could she explain the frustration and anger she felt over the fact that Blair was just, somehow, better than her? If Blair had been sick, Tea wouldn’t have reached out to her, been her confidant, cared for her the way Blair had done because she would have enjoyed the mere idea that Blair would not be long for the world and it might finally forget her. Todd never forgot her. Even when they left Llanview together he hadn’t forgotten Blair.

She had believed, hoped, wished, that in leaving Todd then he would realize that he really loved and needed _her_ and would follow her and find her. Instead, he had taken her departure as, not a realization that Tea mattered, but as the opportunity to return to Llanview and Blair.

After a celibate relationship with her, he had returned to Blair and they’d made a son.

And when she had walked into the Cramer mansion, she had seen Todd wrapped around his beloved Blair, whispering to her, comforting her in ways she had personally never experienced.

“I’m not Todd Manning,” Victor said with determined clarity.

“I know that,” Tea whispered.

“Good,” he nodded, then he moved across the room to flip on the light. “Now comes the hard part.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Let go of Todd,” he said.

Her mouth dropped open at that.

“I don’t want his money. I don’t want his name. I don’t want anything that continues to connect me to him. I’m not him. It’s bad enough we’re twins... he probably hates it as much as I do.”

“You were the one who wanted to hold onto it all before,” Tea pointed out. “You got so angry at me when Claremont got the jump on me regarding the identity.”

“I wised up,” Victor told her. “I was holding onto his identity because it’s the only thing I know. I can’t do that now, I have to figure out who the hell I am. You gave me this amazing speech about the life I could create for myself... well now it’s time. Are you willing?”

“Willing?” Tea blinked. “Willing to what?”

“Willing to fight for me?”

“Of course,” she stepped towards him but was halted when he raised a hand to her.

“Not for Todd, or the things that are Todd’s. Me. I’ve got an uncertain future ahead of me, Tea. I don’t know what’s coming but I have to know that you’re going to be with me... not holding onto the remnants of whatever that mess you had with Todd was.”

“I love you, Victor.”

“Yes,” he nodded. “I know. But I’m going to let you think about it all the same. Letting go isn’t easy, especially for you, so you really need to be ready and willing to do so if we’re going to have a chance.”

He turned and went upstairs, leaving Tea alone in the living room to think.

======================================

Todd walked in a slow circle out on the grass in Viki’s yard. His shoes and socks were on the back patio and he stared at the ground as he took each step. The ground was cold and it seeped into him through the soles of his feet. He did his best to concentrate on the cold because every time he thought of Blair his entire body reacted. He probably just could have gone to bed but he wanted to think about what he could do... how he could show Blair that she mattered.

It wasn’t an easy problem to solve.

He wanted to buy her something expensive and extravagant but his instincts told him that wasn’t the way to go.

A shadow caught his eye and he immediately crouched defensively.

“Todd?”

Todd let his breath out in an irritated huff. Of course it was Cord. What else would a cowboy do except wander around the grounds in the dark? He stood up, hunching his shoulders. “What are you doing out here, Roberts?”

“I could ask the same thing of you,” Cord said pleasantly. “But I’m betting we’re doing the same thing.” Cord sat down in one of the metal cafe chairs that remained on the patio. “Thinking about the women in our lives.”

“There’s something wrong in this world if you and I are hanging out together talking about women,” Todd groused.

“Is there?” Cord asked. “Given how we’re all intertwined maybe it’s not all that wrong.”

“I really don’t like to think about that.”

“Why not?”

Todd sat down in another chair and stared out over the grounds of Llanfair. “Because I don’t like thinking of those days.”

“What days?”

“The days when Blair and I were married and she was still nuts about you.”

Cord sighed into the night, “Is that when you started to hate me?”

“No, I started to hate you before that.”

“Really?”

Todd closed his eyes, thinking back. “Blair told me she was seeing you and I congratulated her. I said you were a great guy. And then every time I saw her after that she was crying or she looked like someone had punched her in the gut. Every time I saw her like that was because of you.”

“You were in love with her then?”

“She was my friend,” Todd said sharply. “And I have never had so many friends that I could afford to not give a damn about them... or her as the case may be.” Todd wasn’t exactly angry at Cord. He was angry at the string of people who had hurt Blair so much over the years that she was a shell of the ferocious, brave girl he had met all those years ago. Still, it was easy to focus that anger and resentment at Cord.

To his merit, Cord was able to recognize projection. He did, after all, love Tina Lord who was a master at it herself. He wondered if it was a family trait. He sat quietly for several moments before he ventured to talk again. “I don’t know how it is for most people. I always considered Tina and me to be unique. I’ve been with other women but there’s just something about Tina. She gives me something that no other woman has ever been able to give me. I imagine it’s the same with her about me. I give her something no other man is able to give her.”

Todd looked at Cord in the darkness. Was this conversation actually happening?

“You said that you and Tina recognized true love and held onto it. I think you’re probably right and I have to wonder... if Tina gives me something no one else can, maybe it’s the same with you and Blair.”

“Maybe...” Todd hedged.

“Tina’s hurt me a lot,” Cord continued. “And even though my better judgement says we should stay apart, I don’t really want to because of what she brings to my life.”

“What’s that?” Todd asked in spite of himself.

“Color,” Cord said softly. “She makes everything brighter.”

Todd didn’t respond.

“What does Blair bring to your life?”

“Beauty,” Todd didn’t hesitate. _She’s the one beautiful thing in this ugly world_. It probably sounded shallow but Blair’s beauty wasn’t just on the outside. Her beautiful heart, the thing he probably loved most about her, was the thing that made her reach out to him. It gave him hope and it made him want to be better... no matter how many times he failed.

And she looked at him as if he were beautiful, too. _Even though he was big and hairy and smelly and kinda ugly, she could tell that there was something, deep down, really good about him. And so she fell in love with him. And that kind of love... that kind of love lasts forever._

“It’s not just that,” Cord said softly. “It goes both ways. I know what I give Tina that she doesn’t get anywhere else. What is it that you give Blair?”

“What do you give Tina?”

“Acceptance, And knowing that helps me understand why she holds on so tightly. Knowing what I give to her gives me a little insight into her. It helps me figure out where she’s coming from.” Cord laughed ruefully. “It’s so easy to get caught up in whatever I’m feeling... frustration, anger, disappointment... that I forget. But when I remember to think of her, then I remember what drives her and it makes it easier to understand. It helps me be a bit more patient with her.”

_Words of wisdom from Cord Roberts_ , Todd thought ruefully. _Is this what my life has come to_?

“Do you know what it is that you give Blair that no one else has?” Cord persisted. 

“Yes,” Todd said softly. He knew exactly what it was. She had told him so many times. 

“What is it?” 

“I understand her.” 

_==========================================_

“So I sold the house and came up here,” Cassie explained to Blair. “Savannah isn’t where I want to be right now. I want to be closer to River. Close enough to see him perform. Mother being in Washington helps a little and I figure there’s always room here so...” she snuggled under the covers of Blair’s bed next to her cousin. “I really hope it’s not an imposition.” 

“Never,” Blair was adamant. Cassie’s timing was more perfect than she knew. She was going to be moving her brood into new digs before the end of the year so it was particularly nice to know that she wasn’t leaving Dorian’s house abandoned. 

“Where’s Addie?” 

“In Nepal,” Blair said. “She’s helping rebuild a monastery there.” 

“You’re kidding,” Cassie shook her head. 

“Not in the slightest,” Blair laughed. “Mama’s been hardcore into Tai Chi ever since her release and she’s also got the idea that after spending her life being cared for by holy sisters she wanted to do her part in helping others. That she’s rebuilding a Buddhist temple rather than a Catholic one doesn’t seem to bother her, she wants to help where she can.” 

“That’s amazing.” 

“That’s Mama for you.” 

“Has she seen Todd?” 

“Yes.” 

"What does she say about it all?” 

“Mama always loved Todd,” Blair shrugged. “She just wants me to be happy.” 

“Well, she and I are in the same boat on that front. I can’t imagine what Mother has said.” 

“Oh, Dorian has given me the warnings and the reminders and the warnings and then asked me why I broke up with that wonderful Tomas,” Blair closed her eyes. “He speaks French and he lived in Paris for years, that’s all Dorian cares about.” 

Cassie laughed knowingly. “Mother is a bit of a Francophile.” 

“I’ve never told her that Todd speaks a smattering of French,” Blair giggled. “It’d ruin everything for her.” 

“I didn’t know Todd spoke French.” 

“Not a lot, a little,” Blair sighed. “He’s actually got quite a gift for languages. I bet if he wanted to he could be fluent in any number of them.” 

“You used to speak Japanese,” Cassie reminded her. 

“I know,” Blair groaned. “I haven’t used it in so long I probably wouldn’t remember anything.” 

“So, why don’t you tell me about Todd?” 

Blair cast a glance towards her cousin and heaved a heavy sigh. “I don’t know where to start.” 

“How is he?” 

“He seems... okay,” Blair said. “He was gone for eight years and he went through some pretty horrific torture but I don’t know how deep it goes. It’s not like he didn’t grow up being tortured, you know?” 

“I don’t actually,” Cassie replied. “I’m not privy to Todd’s personal life the way you are. I’d bet he knows a lot more about your early years than I do, too.” 

“When we were friends and when we were first married,” Blair’s voice was small and faraway, “we used to talk about everything. Until I ruined everything...” 

“Blair, stop that,” Cassie’s voice was firm. “That was years ago. He forgave you for that. I remember the way he looked when you came to the rectory saying you were going to get married again. He was so in love with you... there wasn’t a shred of anything else when he looked at you. What’s this really about?” 

“He’s so... open,” Blair sighed. “He actually announced he was courting me. He said those words exactly!” 

“That doesn’t sound horrible,” Cassie murmured, stroking Blair’s hair. 

“It’s not horrible,” Blair squeezed her eyes shut. “It’s not horrible at all. He kisses me all the time. Earlier today he told me he did everything wrong when he came back after Tea because Sam and Viki had him all twisted around to what love really was. He says I kept him alive while he was in this prison, torture-chamber... that his love for me and our kids kept him going. He’s reaching out to me in ways that he hasn’t since... since all those years ago when we wanted to get married for real and came to you and Andrew in the rectory.” 

“So what’s the problem?” 

“It can’t be real.” 

“Why not?” 

“It just can’t be, it’s never real, no matter who it is... I can’t ever have something wonderful like that.” 

“Oh, Blair,” Cassie curled up next to Blair, hugging her tightly. “That’s not true at all. You _can_ have something wonderful. What’s more, you _deserve_ it.” 

“When you say it, I can almost believe it.” 

“Blair what do you want? Really?” 

Blair was silent for a moment. She closed her eyes and pictured Todd, his hazel eyes looking golden in the light, the ears that stuck out just a little too much, the full lips that twitched and twisted with smiles and smirks that always seemed to reach down to the very heart of her. “Oh... Todd,” she sighed. “I want him, I want him, I want him, I want him, I want him, I want him...” 

“Well,” Cassie laughed. “That sounds pretty certain.” 

“I’m just not ready,” Blair said. “I’m not sure if it’s right. Not yet.” 

“Then take your time,” Cassie told her. “And make sure it is right. You’ll know. You know what you want, honey, that’s a good start. All you need to do now is get comfortable with it.” 

“I’m glad you’re here, Cassie.” 

“So am I.”  
=========================================== 

Todd sat on the patio staring up at the sky. Cord had long since went inside to go to bed. Todd remained behind. The stars grew brighter as Llanview sank deeper into the night. He wasn’t sure how long he sat out there before he realized he was cold. He looked at his arms where the hairs stood up straight and goose-bumps rose on his flesh. 

He ran one finger down his forearm, wondering at it. When was the last time he even saw that? When was the last time he was cold because he was outside and the temperature had dropped? As usual, he thought of Blair. She loved the cold. He thought of coming in from the cold of Llanview and the way she would kiss him when they were first married, when they were married again, the way her lips were warm against the cold air and made him want her all the more. 

He could imagine the warmth of her body as they lay under stars like this and made a mental note to do just that. Soon. 

But he didn’t have her now and he wasn’t a big fan of the cold on its own so he stood up and went inside. He wasn’t tired, though. He clicked on the light and sneezed the second he got a look at Viki’s overly floral decor. He wanted to be out of Llanfair and wherever Blair was. Even if where Blair was was Dorian’s tacky French mausoleum. 

Viki’s house wasn’t home. It never was and wasn’t likely to be. He loved Viki, he loved Jessica, and the kids were sweet but he wanted _his_ family. He sat down in a chair with a huff and winced when he felt as though something had the cushion off kilter. Digging between the cushion and the chair itself, Todd pulled out a thick folder that had been wedged in. 

“Buchanan Enterprises,” he read aloud with a slow grin spreading across his face. “I could do with some light reading.” 

It was over an hour of perusing the listings of stocks and splinter companies before Todd’s bleary eyes settled on the one thing he knew was going to change everything for him and Blair. 

“Daimler Designs.” 

_I understand her_. 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan-fic wish fulfillment. Look, Danielle being Todd's daughter was meant solely to 'even the scales' between Tea and Blair at a time when the head writer very much wanted Tea to be the undisputed love of Todd's life. This story is not that. This is a Todd/Blair story and Tea and her daughter don't have any place in it. They have their hands full with their own kids.
> 
> So... this is a wrong I wanted to right.

“What do you mean I have to give up the house?”

Todd sat on the couch in the living room of La Boulie. More to the point, he was sprawled indignantly on it, taking up as much room as humanly possible, legs splayed out, one arm draped across the back, the other balled into a fist on one thigh as he stared at Blair with an expression of annoyance.

“You know what I mean,” Blair was going down a list she had made up in preparation for Jack’s party. On her checklist was: Get Todd to sign over the deed to Victor’s house. She had a feeling it might take some wrangling.

“Why should I?”

“Why shouldn’t you?”

Todd scowled. “Technically, that house belongs to me.”

“Technically it does,” Blair agreed. “When are you planning on moving in?”

His scowl grew more fierce.

“You have no desire to move in,” Blair said. “And why would you? Why would you want to move into the house that Victor bought for Marty? The little love nest that he set up with your rape victim while he believed he was you... and then the same love nest he set up with Tea? I can tell you which room he had sex with Marty in, maybe you’ll want to live in that one.”

“You’re being gross,” Todd grumbled. “Really gross.”

Blair smiled wanly at him. “For a reason.”

“I have every right to be angry at him.”

“Be angry all you want,” she said. “Maybe, this time, you don’t go straight for petty.”

He snorted.

“Taking the house, keeping the house, would be petty and you know it,” Blair continued. “And anyway, you’re going to have to establish some sort of reasonable relationship if you want to get to know your daughter.”

He looked at her blankly.

“Danielle,” Blair reminded him.

“Oh.” Todd’s tongue snaked behind his lower lip. It was a tic that Blair didn’t realize she had missed so much. It didn’t help that it always made her think of other things he could do with his tongue. “Can I talk to you about that?”

“About what?” Blair’s voice took on a cautious tone.

“I really don’t think that kid is mine.”

Blair just stared at him for a moment, mouth slightly agape. “Why would you even say that?”

“Because I don’t think that kid is mine.”

“Did you or did you not have sex with Tea on your stupid deserted island?” Blair demanded, her voice a bit more shrill than she would have wanted. She liked to consider herself above such things but she really did get ridiculously jealous when it came to Todd.

Todd squirmed uncomfortably on the couch. “In the most technical of terms, yes,” he hedged. “But, at the same time, not really.”

“You don’t have to tell me this,” Blair said. “You really don’t. You also don’t have to pretend it didn’t happen when there’s a kid walking around and the tests proved she was yours. I came to terms with it, Todd. It is what it is.”

“But maybe it isn’t,” Todd insisted. “Because there’s really no way in hell that what she and I did in the ocean could have resulted in a kid.”

“Oh man,” Blair cringed. “I don’t want to hear _that_!” She clapped her hands over her ears, wincing. “I came to terms with it, Todd! I don’t need to know what position you did it in or which hole you put it in!”

It was Todd’s turn to gape, open-mouthed, at Blair. “Gross!” His voice went up in pitch as he expressed his revulsion at what Blair was suggesting. “No! _NO!_ Not... no! Ewwww!”

“Don’t tell me you never wanted to do _that_ ,” Blair waved her hand over her bottom. “Because I know you and we’ve done that.”

“Yeah, _we’ve_ done that,” Todd grinned at the memory. Blair was a tiger in the sack, no question. And experimental, too! “Hey, do you still have those feathers?”

“Are you kidding me right now?”

“I never wanted to do _that_ ,” Todd pointed at Blair’s ass, “with _her_. And I _didn’t_ do that with her. I barely had normal sex with her.” He stood up and took a step towards Blair. “That’s what I’m trying to say.”

“Todd all it takes is once,” Blair reminded him, backing away a step.

“Well, for us that’s all it took,” he grinned salaciously at her. “But, again, that’s not what I’m trying to say.”

Blair sighed heavily. “Then say it.”

“There’s a certain thing that needs to happen in order for a man to impregnate a woman that very definitely didn’t happen when I did what I did with Delgado,” Todd looked up at the ceiling. “Because I didn’t do what guys normally do when they have sex... if you know what I mean.”

Blair stared at him as it dawned on her what he was trying to say. “Are you telling me that you didn’t...”

Todd nodded. 

“No orgasm? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Yes, that’s what I’m saying. No to the orgasm. I did not get off to put it in terms I’m more comfortable with.”

“And she didn’t notice that?”

Todd rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t even all the way hard when I... you know... went in,” he noted with some satisfaction Blair’s smirk. His babe wasn’t completely over the concept of having one over on an enemy, or whatever Delgado was to her. “And it got less so as it went on. I just acted the part... jerked around some, made the appropriate noises... she had clearly built it up so much in her head that I don’t know I was even necessary to be honest. And being that we were in salt water... well...” he shrugged.

Blair barked out a laugh and slapped her hand over her mouth. “I really shouldn’t laugh at that...”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Todd grinned in return. “I guess it is kind of funny.”

“But Danielle’s DNA came back as proof positive she was yours.”

“I’ve noticed this town has a lousy reputation in giving accurate DNA readings,” Todd pointed out.

“That’s true,” Blair conceded. “So, how are you going to broach this with Tea? You’re going to have to bring up the paternity issue at some point.”

“Delgado probably doesn’t want me to be Danielle’s father anymore,” Todd pointed out.

“Or she may be so pissed about the whole identity thing and Victor giving up your money that she’ll try to wring you out for missing child care or something.” Blair suggested. “I wouldn’t put it past her.”

“I thought you liked her now,” Todd said.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t know who she is.”

Todd was happy to hear that. The whole concept of Blair and Tea being friendly was still bizarre to him. Even if they had made peace they could still get into it as they did the other night.

“What about the house?”

Todd groaned. “Back to that?”

“I promised Victor you’d give it to him.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have done that.”

“Don’t make a liar out of me, Todd,” Blair told him softly. “It’s not worth it for that awful house.”

Todd sullenly mulled that over. “Does he have any of my stuff?”

“What do you mean?”

“My stuff? Like my CDs or movies or stuff like that.”

“He probably has some of it,” Blair shrugged. “I’ve got some stuff up in boxes in the attic, too.”

“I want my stuff before I give him the house,” Todd folded his arms over his chest.

Blair sighed. She already had a houseful of stubborn, willful children to deal with, she really wished that Todd could make a mature decision on his own once in awhile and take the pressure off. Why was she the one who always had to be responsible? “Then go over there and ask him if he’s got your stuff and take it back. Have the deed ready to sign over at Jack’s party. You can do that, you’re a big boy, aren’t you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Todd didn’t like the sarcastic tone in her voice.

“It means that if you’ve got things to straighten out with your brother than you need to figure out a way to do that,” Blair said sharply. “You don’t need me to feed you the answers, Todd. God, you tell me you’re courting me and you want to pursue a relationship? Well, I’m not interested in boys. I need a man. A man who can figure things out for himself and do what needs to be done. You used to be that man, remember? When you bought out the Omega Building from Asa and created a newspaper out of an old rag... that was a man. Now you’re standing there whining about your stuff. You sound like Jack and Sam arguing over a video game.”

“Where did that come from?” Todd wasn’t exactly upset because Blair was actually talking about him in reference to a relationship.

“This whole crap about the house!” Blair snapped. “Victor wants it, you don’t want to give it to him. You’re like two squabbling three year olds and I’m sick of it. I want it over with, Todd! Now you’re bitching about your stuff, whatever that is. Go over there and get it, I’ve done my part, I can’t lead you the whole way there.”

“I will get it!”

“Good!”

“I’m going right now!”

“Fine!”

Todd stormed out of the house and slammed the door behind him. He stood on the front step and took a deep breath of the chilly autumn air. “God, I want that woman.”

========================================

The doorbell rang five times in succession and Victor had a feeling he knew who was on the other side of it.

Opening the door confirmed his suspicions. Todd was glaring at him from the doorway.

“What do you want?” Victor asked.

“I want my things,” Todd said, blowing through the door, bumping his shoulder against Victor’s.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Blair told me about your little house deal with her,” Todd snarled.

“And?”

“And I want anything you have here that belonged to me before I hand this ugly house over and give up any rights to my things.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, that’s so.”

Victor eyed Todd for a few minutes. “I could make things difficult for you.”

“So could I,” Todd shot back.

They sized each other up for a few moments.

“Alright,” Victor headed up the stairs. “Come with me.” 

As they went down the hall toward his and Tea’s bedroom, Todd glanced around feeling more and more uncomfortable. Blair was right. He didn’t want to hold onto this house... to be petty or any other reason. He didn’t like anything about it and every door he passed he wondered if that was the room Victor had sex with Marty in.

Which was the last thing he wanted to think about.

“I’ve actually been putting your things together,” Victor said as he opened the door to the bedroom. “I’ve been wanting to put aside this whole ‘hold onto your identity’ crap and focus on figuring mine out. So, this is what I’ve put together so far...” he got a box out of the closet and set it on the bed.

Todd looked in. There wasn’t much there. Some CDs, a ratty old copy of ‘Lord of the Banner’ and some pictures of Starr and Jack when they were still infants. “There’s not much here.”

“How much stuff did you really have, Todd?” Victor asked, sitting on the bed. “You’ve never been sentimental over things.”

Todd rifled through the paltry items. Pearl Jam’s ‘10’ was in there, as was Led Zeppelin 1 through 4. “Maybe I’m sentimental now.”

“Doesn’t mean there’s much to take with you,” Victor pointed out. “Blair probably has more. She’s sentimental... and she’s sentimental for your sake, too. You remember things but you didn’t really keep things. You took off too often, you know?”

Todd had left everything behind when he left town after the whole fake DID debacle. It was true. Items didn’t mean much to him... “The pictures mean something.”

“Yeah,” Victor nodded. “Well, there they are.”

Todd knew that Blair still had the picture of their second wedding. That was the thing he held closest to his heart. Without that moment, he wouldn’t have had anything that followed, good or bad.

It wasn’t too long after that Todd gathered up the box and let Victor lead him back to the foyer of the house. “We do need to talk about the cars,” Todd said. “I don’t recognize the ones in your driveway and if you bought them with my money then you can buy them back with yours.”

Victor shrugged. “Are you going to take depreciation into account?”

“Would you?’

Danielle’s voice wafted through the hallway from the foyer. Her words weren’t clear but her tone certainly was. Victor ran down the hallway to find out what was going on, Todd close behind.

“Daniella,” Tea was trying to be soothing. “You’re not making any sense.”

“I want to know why you lied!!”

“About what, sweetheart!” 

“About my father!”

“What’s going on?” Victor asked, descending the stairs and reaching out to Dani to comfort her. 

The girl spied Todd and demanded loudly. “What’s your blood type?”

“O-,” Todd and Victor replied promptly and unison.

“What’s yours?” Dani asked Tea.

“B,” Tea replied.

“What was Dad’s?” Dani demanded. When Tea didn’t respond her voice got more shrill. “Ross! What was his?”

“A+,” Tea said gently.

“And what am I?” Dani asked.

“AB,” Tea nodded.

“Then he is _not_ my father,” she pointed angrily at Todd and shoved a paper at Tea. “It’s impossible. I’m AB and that blood type does not come from O _anything_. Period! Why did you lie to me?!”

Tea took the paper from her daughter and read it. Her face paled as she did so and she looked at Todd. “Would you mind leaving? I need to speak to my daughter...”

Todd reached forward and plucked the paper from Tea’s hands. It was a quick rundown of blood types that appeared to be part of a science project at school. The graph made it very clear that he couldn’t possibly be Danielle’s father given his blood type and hers. He handed the paper back trying very hard not to smile. “It does seem like this is a family issue,” he nodded before reaching for the door and letting himself out.

Once the door was shut, he looked up into the sky and smiled broadly. “I knew it,” he whispered.

The last tie between himself and Tea had been severed.

He went to go tell Blair the good news. And gloat just a little bit.


	29. Chapter 29

“Hi Dad,” Starr poked her head through the door of Todd’s office.

He grinned and waved her in only to see Starr shift a bit and then unleash Hope into the office.

Hope ran right to Todd and flung herself at his lap in a quick hug before running to the couch and scrambling up on it looking at her mother expectantly.

Starr had her iPad out and was fiddling with it before getting it onto an app for Hope to play.

“What’s she doing?” Todd asked as Starr pulled a chair closer to his desk.

“Butterfly Farm,” Starr said.

“Bugs,” Todd laughed. “Of course.”

“What am I going to let her play?” Starr frowned. “Some stupid dress up app? Not my daughter. She can play dress up at home with actual clothes but I’m not raising her to be some frilly little princess.”

“We called you ‘Princess’ all the time,” Todd point out. “And you still liked spiders, snakes and bugs. Maybe she’ll like horses like her grandma.”

Starr laughed. “We do play ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic’ together on that thing. We watch it, too.”

“You’re kidding.”

“It’s actually pretty cool. Sam watches it with us sometimes.”

“I thought Sam liked Spider-Man.”

“Sam loves Spider-Man. He also loves _Avatar_ , _Legend of Korra_ and _Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes_. Mom watches the movie _Thor_ with him whenever he wants.”

“Is that so?”

Starr nodded. “It doesn’t hurt that the guy who plays Thor is ridiculously hot and ripped.”

“Oh really?”

“Yep. But what can you expect? He’s a god, after all. She plans on test screening _Captain America_ to make sure that’s suitable for Sam pretty soon but I’m sure that the shot of the buffed up Cap in the commercials has nothing to do with that.”

“Captain America? Are you kidding me?”

“You know Mom loves her good guys.”

“No one can compete with Captain America. He’s the ultimate boy scout!”

“Well, be thankful that he’s not real, then. Anyway, Mom’s never been able to make a relationship with one of her boy scouts work. Usually because they turn out to be assholes.”

Todd’s eyebrows shot up at that. “I’ve been out of it way too long if you’re swearing like it’s no big deal.”

Starr looked over her shoulder at Hope who was engrossed in her game. “Well, I slip sometimes.”

“Speaking of your mother and letting things slip,” Todd said, leaning back in his chair. “Maybe you’d like to tell me about when you called her a whore.”

Starr’s mouth dropped open. “She _told_ you about that?”

Todd considered the question. “She didn’t rat you out if that’s what you’re asking. She had a bit of a meltdown the other day... kind of went down the list of all the people she loved who said they loved her and then treated her like crap. You were one in a long list... but I want to know what happened there.”

“I was angry and stupid,” Starr said quietly. “And it was about Spencer Truman and I was just... really angry at Mom.”

“Were you right to be?”

“No,” Starr responded. “Well, yes and no. You have to understand Spencer Truman... he was horrible but he played it all so brilliantly that everything fell into place the way it did because he wanted it to. He was obsessed with Mom the moment he saw her... she was happy with Victor and we were all together after the Margaret Cochran mess, putting our lives back together and Spencer wanted Mom and destroyed her life to have her.”

“But you saw through him?”

“No,” Starr admitted. “I thought he was great... he was a friend... he saved Jack’s life, he was totally on Mom’s side when she was standing by Victor during the trial. It’s just that Victor kept lying to Mom... she was begging him to tell her the truth about everything so she wouldn’t be blind-sided and he kept leaving stuff out so she ended up being blind-sided anyway. Spencer worked that to his advantage and I think Mom was just such a wreck that she couldn’t see which end was up for awhile.

“The thing that got me angry was when we all discovered what the setup was and Mom stayed with Spencer.”

Todd was typing furiously on his computer to give himself some supplemental information. “The trial over the death of Margaret Cochran and her unborn child,” he read, scanning quickly. “Oh, they weren’t dead after all... that was the setup, huh?”

“Right,” Starr nodded. “So Victor was innocent but Mom stayed with Spencer anyway and that’s when I called her a whore.”

“And?”

“And Mom was setting Spencer up,” Starr continued. “She was only staying with him because the LPD couldn’t get anything concrete on the guy. Mom played along that she was in love with him and wanted to marry him so she could get the goods.”

“Did she?”

“Sure did.”

Todd kept scanning. “And that’s when he tried to rape her?”

“Not exactly,” Starr shook her head. “That happened after his trial, after Victor kidnapped and tortured him and Mom went to find Victor and help him but she and Spencer went off the roof. She lost a baby... Victor’s baby... and that’s when Spencer attacked her, when she was in recovery. Then she developed a heart infection and almost died. She did die, actually,” Starr’s voice shook. “She flatlined but, somehow, Victor brought her back.”

Todd leaned back in his chair, scrubbing at his eyes wearily. There was just so much he had missed. When he focused on Starr again, she had a hesitant look on her face as though she were considering something but wasn’t sure she should say it out loud.

She looked so like her mother at that moment that it took Todd’s breath away. Even the little crease between Starr’s eyes was exactly the same as Blair’s when Blair was troubled over something.

“What is it, Shorty?”

Starr looked at her father and chewed her lip. “You’re not going to like it.”

“I haven’t liked most of what I’ve heard since I got back.”

Starr hesitated again and then plowed forward, her words coming in a rush. “You weren’t a very good role model for me.”

Todd blinked for a few moments.

Starr pressed on. “At the time, you were easily my favorite parent. Far and above Mom. Mom made me go to bed and clean my room. You yelled a lot about other people and always encouraged me to be as awful as I wanted to be. No discipline, no rules, I could do whatever I wanted and I loved that. I had more money than I could ever need and a blatant disregard for anyone other than myself... I could have gotten really hurt on some of my excursions, Dad. Did you ever think that someone would just grab me? Take my money? Hurt me? Kill me?”

Todd’s eyes flickered over to Hope. She was still engrossed in her game. “Starr, I never liked how you’d disappear and take cabs all over town without letting me or your mother know.”

A slight frown was the response to that. “There were times, Dad, when you didn’t care if Mom knew where I was or not. Those times tended to coincide with how wronged you felt by her at the time.” She looked down for a moment, her furrowed brow even stormier in countenance. “You told me once that she didn’t love me or want me as much as she loved and wanted Max and the baby she was having with him.”

Todd sat in stunned silence for a few moments. It was almost shocking the reaction he had to the memory... a wave of self-loathing crashed over him so completely he felt like he was drowning for a moment. “I-I... I never should have said that,” he said quietly.

“No, you shouldn’t have,” Starr agreed. She looked at her daughter, happily playing with her virtual butterflies and felt tears spring in her eyes. “Mom never did that to you. After everything... at the absolute worst moments, she never once said that you didn’t love me. Or any of us.

“I know how hard that must have been for her... to have you doing things that broke her heart and then have to look at me, at Jack, at Sam and tell us how much you love us... how much _he_ loves us. I know how hard that is because I have to do it now.”

Todd got up from his desk and went around to his daughter, pulling her into his arms, engulfing her tiny frame completely. Starr returned his embrace without hesitation. It was the thing that always made him feel like he had done something right amid all of the havoc he had wreaked. His little Starr never held back from him. “I’m sorry you have to go through this alone, Shorty.” He nodded at Hope.

Starr shrugged and wiped her eyes. “I have the best example in the world when it comes to raising a child alone. And anyway, I’m not really alone. I never have been. Mom has been there every step of the way.”

“Your Mom knows what it’s like to be alone, Starr,” Todd said softly. “More so than any of the rest of us. She always wanted to make sure you kids never felt that way.”

“She succeeded.”

“Mama, can I have a story?” Hope waved the iPad, while still holding it with both hands, on the couch.

“Sure,” Starr sat down and tapped away before she apparently got a book for Hope to look at and interact with. Starr adjusted the volume so Hope could hear it but it wouldn’t disturb her conversation with Todd. “You know, growing up there were always kids who swore they’d never raise their kids like their parents and others who wanted to do things just like their parents.”

“Which one were you?” Todd asked.

“Depended on the day, I guess,” Starr smiled. “The thing is, Mom showed me how to be a Mom. I’ve discovered that I do things the way Mom does. I rethink things now that I’m a Mom. I think about my own childhood and I get why she did some of the things she did... I didn’t like some of those things at the time, but I understand it and I appreciate it.”

Todd sat back down in his chair and mused silently for a moment. “Your Mom was lying when she told me she was pregnant the first time.”

“I know that.”

Todd nodded and waved his hand, letting Starr know that he had a point, before he continued. “I made her take a pregnancy test and it turned out that in between getting married and doing what married couples do I had actually gotten the job done. That night... the night we both found out that she really was pregnant, she was all indignant at first, but the next day...” he trailed off, remembering Blair standing in her robe looking out the window. “I guess it really hit her. I remember how far off she was, how scared she was all of a sudden. She said it hadn’t been real to her until just then, which is true, but she was so scared that she wouldn’t be a good mother. She cried on my shoulder and poured her heart out to me,” he smiled gently, reminiscing. “And I told her that she would be a great mother because she knew what a mother’s love meant. Turns out I was right.”

Starr laughed, wiping at her eyes again. “Yeah, you were. I’ve come too close to losing her a few times to not know what a mother’s love means, what having her really means. And when Da--Victor turned on me, Mom was always there. She was unshaken in her devotion and determination to me, to Jack, to Sam...” she dropped her gaze to her lap. “Dad, there are questions I want to ask you... about Tea, about what really happened there.”

“Why would you want to to go there?” Todd absolutely didn’t want to talk about those times. He was certain that Starr would be furious with him for what he had done back then.

“Jack said some things that made me reconsider her.”

“Jack did? What did Jack say?”

“That Tea says and does a lot of things that dig at Mom.”

Todd nodded his head. “Well, that’s true.”

“And that she calls me ‘Estrella’ to twist the knife, so to speak.”

“Jack said all of this?” Jack’s perceptive nature was impressive to say the least.

“Is he right?”

Todd sighed. “Yeah, I’d say so. Delgado used to call River ‘Rio’ when she was cuddling up to Andrew for pretty much the same reason, to dig at Cassie.”

“Why?”

“Delgado’s got issues, Starr,” Todd shrugged. “And I don’t even know what they are exactly. She lost her mother at a young age but...”

“You’d think that would make her more sympathetic to mothers in general,” Starr frowned. “She wasn’t very nice to Mom.”

“No,” Todd agreed. “But then, I wasn’t either.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’d been through something horrible and I came back and the life I came back to wasn’t what I’d left behind and I was angry at the world and most especially the woman I loved because... that’s just who I was at the time.”

“You’ve been through something horrible this time, too,” Starr pointed out. “And the life you’ve come back to isn’t the one you left behind. Are you still angry at the world? Are you still angry at Mom?”

Todd chose his words carefully. “I’m angry about a lot of things, Starr. And, I’m not going to lie, some of that is anger at your Mom for not recognizing that he wasn’t me...”

“She was the absolute last person to believe,” Starr interrupted him. “Victor didn’t just walk into town, announce he was you and Mom believed him. She didn’t. She didn’t for a long time and when she figured it out, after he and I kept it secret from her for months, she... it wasn’t exactly a happy reunion.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t want to get into that,” Starr shook her head. “I just want you to know some things... I love you. I am so happy you’re back. I’m so happy you’re a part of my life again, and Hope’s life and all of our lives. BUT,” she gave her father a stern look, “I’m not going to let you punish Mom for these past eight years.”

“I don’t want to punish your Mom, Starr,” Todd replied. “I want to be with her. I want us to be a family the way we’ve always meant to be.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Absolutely,” Todd nodded. “I’m in a unique position in that I’ve been removed from my own life twice. Everything I did when I came back from Ireland was wrong and I know it was and I’m not repeating that. My love for your mother and for you and your brother kept me alive during eight years of abject misery... I didn’t stay alive so I could come back and hurt the very woman who made it possible for me to survive.”

“So,” Starr hedged. “No putting her in jail?”

“Nope.”

“No stealing kids?”

“No.”

“No bullcrap proposals?”

Todd laughed. “You know, Starr, I was able to get your mother to fall in love with me long before you were a twinkle in my eye. Besides, she loves me now, that’s not the problem.”

“Trust is,” Starr confirmed.

“Yes, well, I’m working on that.”

“Dad,” Starr’s skeptical expression was so apparent it was practically its own entity.

“Knock it off, Shorty,” Todd grinned. “I know what I’m doing.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes,” he mimicked her tone. “I understand your mother better than anyone. I know exactly what I’m doing.”

“What?”

“Forget it,” he laughed. “I’m not spoiling the surprise.”


	30. Chapter 30

Capricorn’s stage was dark with only one spotlight illuminating the microphone. Blair came out wearing a black column dress with minimal beading that seemed to curve the light around her rather then bounce off her.. There was only her piano player there to accompany her and he played a couple of chords to begin only to stop as Blair began to sing:

_Love hurts, love scars_

Her voice was quiet and subdued. The club seemed to go silent as well.

_Love wounds, and marks_  
_Any heart, not tough_  
_Or strong enough_

_To take a lot of pain_  
_Take a lot of pain_  
_Love is like a cloud_  
_Holds a lot of rain_

There was a haunting starkness to the performance. The musical accompaniment was minimal, a chord here, a chord there, while Blair’s voice was the absolute focus. Her voice was strong but stark and filled the words with depth and emotion that came from her core.

_I'm young, I know_  
_But even so_  
_I know a thing or two_  
_I learned, from you_

_I really learned a lot_  
_Really learned a lot_  
_Love is like a stove_  
_It burns you when it's hot_

Todd felt hypnotized as he watched her. He wasn’t aware of anything else except her and the words that she sang.

_Some fools think of happiness_  
_Blissfulness, togetherness_  
_Some fools fool themselves I guess_  
_They're not foolin' me_

_I know it isn't true_  
_I know it isn't true_  
_Love is just a lie_  
_Made to make you blue_

Her voice was raw and real. The words she sang coming from someplace inside of her that she rarely showed. Todd remembered telling her that love was a lie once and hearing the words come from her, the emotions on her face as real as the emotion in her voice, cut him to his soul.

Did she really believe this?

_Love hurts_

Blair finished the song to absolute silence. After a moment, she walked off the stage.

Todd placed his hand to his chest and drew it back to look at it. He was honestly surprised that he wasn’t bleeding. Blair’s raw performance felt like slashes of a knife at his very soul. He looked around and saw that the rest of the audience was equally stunned.

Were they staring at him? Did they know that he was the reason she sang a song about the pain and anguish of love? They must. Why else would she sing it?

A smattering of applause started at one side of the club. Blair had come out from backstage and the patrons took the opportunity to show their admiration for her performance. The applause spread from the tables near where she came out across the room and soon everyone in the club was on their feet, applauding and whistling.

Blair’s smile was almost as blinding as a spotlight. She accepted the accolades gracefully and gratefully. 

Todd stared at the table top. He had been trying so hard to show her how things were different and it was all for nothing. Obviously, she didn’t believe in him at all or she wouldn’t have chosen that song to sing. What was it going to take?

He stood up abruptly, scanning the club to where the crowd was thickest and stalked over to plant himself in front of Blair. 

She turned to him with a smile.

“Can we talk?” 

Blair extricated herself from the group of people that surrounded her and gestured towards her office.

Once they were inside and the door was closed, Todd rounded on her. “Is that what you think of me?”

“What?”

“All of this time, Blair,” Todd paced back and forth across the office in agitation. “All of this time I’ve been back I’ve been trying to show you that I’m not... I’m not that person anymore! And you get up and sing a whole fucking song about how much I’ve hurt you? What the hell?!”

He finally turned to face her only see that crease between her brows and a hollow look on her face.

Blair leaned back against the door of her office, closed her eyes and sighed. “Why does this have to be about you?”

Todd got the distinct feeling he had stepped in it but good.

“Why does _any_ of this have to be about _you_?” Blair asked again. “It was a song, Todd. Yes, it’s a sad song about pain and, you know what? I’ve got a lot of that and it’s not all centered around _you_. I had pain and loss before I ever _met_ you, before I had ever _heard_ of you and I’ve been hurt by plenty of people that _aren’t_ you.” She sighed. “I have a lot going on and this... that...” she waved one hand to gesture out to the main floor of the club, “is a way for me to let go of things.

“I don’t know if you noticed this, but people really liked my performance tonight. I was able to channel a lot of hurt into something good... something that was maybe a little bit meaningful and profound. I’m allowed to do that. I’m allowed to _have_ that.”

She turned and grasped the knob of the door before leveling a hard look at Todd. “You’re not the only one who has a right to be angry, Todd.”

Todd watched her sweep out of the office and then exhaled loudly, letting his head tilt back until he was gazing at the ceiling. She had been smiling when he approached her and he had taken that smile away. She had been enjoying the patrons of her club congratulating her on her performance and he had stepped in and taken something she had done and made it about him.

“Some things never change, huh, Manning?” 

Maybe that was a good thing. He wasn’t a completely different person after all no matter how much soul searching he was able to do during his eight years of imprisonment.

The thing he could do now was go back out there and wait. And watch. He was good at that. He needed to pay better attention and not let himself get blinded by his own old crap because when he let that happen, everything went wrong.

======================================

“Still not talking to your mother?”

Dani looked up to see Victor peering in through the crack of her very slightly opened door. She turned back to her phone and texted Destiny with a ‘GTG BBL’ before sitting up and waiting for him to come in.

He did so, taking a seat on her bed as well.

They sat in silence for a moment before Danielle spoke up. “I am so angry at her.”

“Angrier than when you first found out about me?”

“Which time?” Dani shrugged. “When we all thought you were Todd and I hated the fact that my father was actually a rapist or when I found out you weren’t Todd at all and the guy that I had accepted as my second father wasn’t actually my father?”

“Pick one,” Victor said. “You were angry enough about me the first time that you wanted to shoot me.”

“And instead, my real father got shot,” Dani’s face crumpled slightly. “My Dad is dead because of Mom.”

“Eli killed Ross, Dani,” Victor reminded her.

“Which would never have happened if Mom had decided that I had to be Todd Manning’s daughter and ripped me away from him... making him desperate enough to call up his long lost psychotic brother!” Dani scowled fiercely. “All Dad wanted was to be with me again but Mom wanted you... or Todd... or whoever and there was nothing that was going to get in her way. Certainly not me!”

“Yeah, your mother tends to get laser focused on things.”

“I miss him,” Dani mourned. “I missed him when she hid me away from him, I missed him the whole time I was here and I miss him now. And, as it turns out, I’m not even Todd’s! So all of it was for nothing! My Dad died for _nothing_!”

“Well,” Victor sighed. He stroked her hair the way he had always seen Blair stroke Starr’s. “I can understand how upset you are... but I’m still happy you’re in my life.”

She gave him a hesitant smile.

“I know I’m not your real father,” Victor continued. “But I have to admit that I’m glad you’re not Todd’s. I don’t have to share you with him now.”

“As opposed to what?” Dani demanded. “Starr and Jack and Sam? Who you do have to share?”

Victor wasn’t going to start in on exactly how complicated his own thoughts were about those three kids. He was still struggling with how far away his feelings were from his life as Todd. But there was nothing complicated about Dani and he wanted her to know that. “Let’s just focus on you. Todd never knew you so I got to know you without anything of him involved. Everything that grew between you and your mother and me... wasn’t him. It was me. I know you have a lot of complicated feelings about Ross and Tea and me... but, to me, you’re my daughter and I love you and I always will.”

Dani leaned against him and he tucked his arm around her shoulders, squeezing her gently. She had to admit that having Victor made things easier. In a way, they shared a similar circumstance. Everything she thought she knew about her life had been severely altered, twice now. And he had had his whole life ripped away.

And she still thought of him as her new father.

But she was still angry as hell at her mother.

“The three of us are a family,” Victor murmured, resting his chin on the top of her head. “And we’re going to get through all of this and figure it all out. You go ahead and be mad at your mom for now but you remember that we’re in all of this together.”

“Whatever.”

Victor snorted. “So about Jack’s birthday...”

Dani groaned. “I don’t have to go, do I? Jack’s not even my brother anymore. And he’s annoying.”

“I think if you have something super important to do with Destiny that would come first,” Victor agreed. “I’m going and I would imagine your mother is coming as well. Although, I bet if you told her you wanted to spend some mother/daughter time with her she’d jump at that.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Dani shot him a sullen glare.

He grinned and kissed the top of her head. “You two are going to have to have a talk. You’re going to have to figure out a way to deal with this and put it behind you.”

“Not any time soon.”

“Danielle,” Victor said sternly. “She’s your mother. Remember that.” He chucked her on the chin and left her alone.

============================================

Blair’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes and he was responsible for that. Todd spent the next couple of hours watching her as she made her way through Capricorn mingling with the patrons. She did not join him at his table the way she usually did.

He supposed he couldn’t blame her.

She had sung a heartbreaking song and left a crowd of people in stunned, awed silence and he had made it all about his issues. She’d been right about that.

It had only been a matter of days when she had let some of that pain out and he had held her in his arms and been there for her. Now he was basically shitting all over her own attempts to deal with her life her own way.

Blair’s staff avoided him even when it came to cleaning up after the last of the customers and locking the door. They had become accustomed to his presence there and knew that he would stay and leave with Blair. Their seemed to be some uncertainty, though, as Blair wasn’t being particularly friendly with him as they went about their after hours business.

In fact, Blair was sitting at the bar. Drinking.

When he realized the place was empty save for himself, Blair and the remains of the staff, Todd approached her.

She was drinking scotch. She was obviously upset. “Tim, you’re going to have to call me a cab in a few minutes,” she told her bartender.

“I’ll take you home,” Todd said quietly, resting the tips of his fingers on her arm.

She snarled at him. “I’d rather you not.”

“Blair...” Todd sighed and sat down on the barstool next to her. “I’m sorry.”

“Save it.”

“You really were amazing,” Todd plowed ahead. “That song... was incredible. You really laid it all out there on that stage and... I guess I just automatically think of the things I’ve done to hurt you. The way you looked and the way you sounded, I’ve seen that and heard that a few too many times because of things I’ve done.”

She didn’t answer for a few moments; she just stared straight ahead sipping her scotch. “I... I don’t allow myself to think about what you’ve gone through these past eight years.”

Todd blinked, surprised that she would even bring it up. “Okay. Why?”

“Because when I do think about it, it just about kills me. To know what you went through, for so long, while we didn’t have any idea. To go through so much pain...” she sighed. “Maybe, if my singing hurts you, you shouldn’t come here anymore.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Todd,” she whispered, casting a mournful look at him. “You’ve been hurt enough. And this,” she pointed at the stage, “is the only outlet I have. I need it but I can’t do it if you’re here and my songs hurt you. I can’t.”

“Okay, okay,” he grabbed her hand in both of his and enclosed it before pressing his lips against her fingertips. “You...” he thought for a moment. “You have to know that not hearing you sing would hurt more.”

“Todd...”

“And, maybe, just maybe, we can find you another way to get all that crap out. When did you start internalizing all of this stuff anyway?”

“When didn’t I?”

“You didn’t always do it,” Todd pointed out. “You used to lash out at people plenty.”

“You can’t lash out at the dead,” Blair replied dully.

Well, that was morbid. “What do you mean?”

“Spencer’s dead. Margaret Cochrane is dead. Eli’s dead. Sam’s dead. Luna’s dead,” she took another drink. “Asa’s dead. Max is gone.”

“Delgado’s still around.”

Blair huffed out a humorless laugh. “I made peace with Tea because she was dying, too. We all thought she was dead for a time.”

“Well, she’s not dead now and why did that stop you anyway?”

“Big bad Blair picking on the dying woman? Please.”

“She would have done it to you.”

Blair snatched her hand away from Todd and turned on him fiercely. “I’m not Tea!”

“No, you’re not,” Todd couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. “You have no idea how happy that makes me.”

She tossed him a skeptical look.

Todd sighed and then turned Blair’s barstool so she was facing him. “I used to dream of a burning world; of blackened skies choked with smoke and acid. I’d stand and look out over the fields of fire and wreckage and then I’d look to my side. Tea would be standing next to me and I’d tell her, ‘I did this all for you. Is this enough?’ And she wouldn’t even look at me. She’d feast on what I’d done and then say ‘No, it’s never enough. Do more.’

“ _That_ was my life with her. It was short-lived but it was _epic_ in it’s misery. And nothing would ever be enough because, when it came down to it, I was never willing to give her everything. But even if I _was_ willing, even if I _did_ give her everything, it wouldn’t have mattered. I came back from that misery and I wanted you... I wouldn’t say so at first, I’m not even sure I realized _why_ I wanted you back at the time. I just knew that if I had you things would be better.

“It took awhile for me to realize I didn’t just want you in a ‘get back all the things I had’ kind of way. I wanted you in _every_ way. I wanted you for love even if a part of me insisted that it wasn’t real. I told you once it was you and me against the world and you said you didn’t have anything against the world. That’s you, Blair. You are the person that makes me look at the world and want to live _in_ it rather than destroy it.

“Everything I have in my life that is good, is because I’ve loved you, Blair. I wouldn’t trade that for the world. Sing as many sad songs as you want,” he leaned towards her earnestly. “If they hurt me, I’d rather take it from you than anyone else.”

“Masochist,” she muttered, but there was a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth and her eyes were wet.

“Only for you,” Todd touched her arm again. “Now will you let me take you home? Please?”

“All right,” Blair fetched her coat and purse and Todd got her into the car quickly.

“I still think we need to find another outlet for you,” he said as they drove out of town towards Dorian’s. “You know, some people release stress by just screaming a couple of times.”

“If I start screaming,” Blair sighed, her head lolling against the back of the seat. “I’ll never stop.”

He reached over and took her hand, squeezing it gently. The scotch had obviously hit her. She was quiet and almost motionless and he held her hand the whole way back to Dorian’s. Todd recognized the same thing in Blair that he saw in himself... the way she kept everything and buried it deep inside until it burst out like a firestorm. Blair was more practiced it keeping it all covered up than he was.

Blair’s rage came out in short, concentrated bursts. She was usually so completely transformed by it that she went crazy or got strangely violent... which usually resulted in more of that turned in on herself.

He would never have asked for being imprisoned and tortured for eight years but there was a catharsis in how he dealt with things while he was there. He was either able to shriek out his pain and misery during torture or able to completely separate himself and retreat to a place no one could touch him.

Blair just covered up her pain. As a result, she was like a walking infection... all of that hurt and pain festering inside of her and turning into more hurt and pain until she didn’t know anything else. Until it drove her mad and made her incapable of seeing the light again.

She was breathing steadily, deeply and Todd realized she was grabbing a quick alcohol induced nap on the drive home.

“I love you,” he whispered to her. “I’m here and you’re safe. I promise you, you’re safe.”


	31. Chapter 31

“Tell me about Araby again,” Jack asked.

He and Blair were grooming their horses in preparation for their ride together. Blair’s red chestnut gelding shook his head and snorted as she put her weight into the brush. He looked very pleased with himself as Blair exclaimed over the condition of his muddy coat.

Jack’s gelding, a dark bay with three white socks and a snip on his nose, heaved a sigh as Jack brushed his hind-quarters.

“Araby was a birthday present,” Blair said. “A beautiful, black Arabian stallion, mostly untamed. Your father bought him for me.”

Jack grunted slightly. “I mean him, not what he was and who bought him.”

“Araby loved apples and carrots and could ferret out pills like a bloodhound. You had to bury those things in a half pound of molasses before he’d eat them. He loved splashing in the creek during the summer and he was an absolute whore of a horse when it came to brushing. He’d lean up against you when you brushed him and I’d swear you could hear him sigh with delight. And as soon as I’d let him out into the pasture he’d go and roll in the biggest mud puddle he could find so he could get brushed again.”

“How long was he at that stud farm?”

“About eight years,” Blair smiled. “Living the life of a very valuable and spoiled stallion. His babies have made names for themselves in the show circuits. And his sons are proving themselves to be good stallions, too.”

“I wish I’d gotten to see him in person.”

“I know,” Blair sighed. “I should have set aside the time and made the trip. We could have driven down to Virginia and seen him in all of his glory. I’m sorry about that.”

“We do this,” Jack pointed out. “This is nice.”

“Usually, it’s girls who like horses,” Blair said as they led their now saddled mounts out of the stable and into the courtyard. “I was so disappointed when Starr couldn’t have cared less about them. I’m so glad you took after me in that regard. Now we have something that’s just for us.”

Jack mounted his horse and waited for his mother to do the same. It was very early and they were the only people on the trails. Jack smiled as they broke into a trot. This was the start of a good birthday.

============================================

“Good morning,” Todd chirped happily as he sat down at the table.

Several forks hung frozen in mid-air as everyone stared at him in shock.

“What’s going on? What’s happening?” Natalie asked under breath.

“I’m having breakfast with all of you,” Todd replied merrily. “And I want to discuss some business.”

The table was heavily populated. Viki, Clint, Cord, Tina, Jessica, Brody and Natalie were all in attendance. It was a scene that Todd usually avoided or breezed through to make fun of, presuming he was up and moving at all. His late nights at Capricorn didn’t lend themselves to early mornings and Buchanans, it seemed, thrived on the adage of ‘early to bed; early to rise.’ He understood it in the case of Viki and Clint; they were old. Jessica and Brody had a little brood of kids to deal with. They had moved into the carriage house for more room but they always came for breakfast. And Natalie had an infant of her own with sporadic assistance from John. John didn’t seem to be a morning person, either. Todd rarely saw him in the morning and if he did, he felt that John had probably been up all night anyway.

Bree and the babies could be heard in the living room with Lois.

“Business?” Cord and Clint said in unison. Clint looked suspicious while Cord looked curious.

Todd found himself thinking Cord really was a good guy and Clint had been once as well. He wondered if it was in Cord’s future to end up as suspicious and angry as Clint. He discovered, much to his surprise, that he hoped it wouldn’t end that way for Cord.

“Yes. Business. B-u-s-i-”

“I know how to spell business, Manning,” Clint barked.

“Well, you looked like you didn’t know what I was talking about.”

“What sort of business, Uncle Todd?” Jessica asked.

He was glad Jess had decided to take part in this. He was counting on her. He was, weirdly, counting on Natalie, too. There was a strange sense of justice in her that he could only assume came from Viki. “Well, I found this the other night.” He slapped the BE business plan on the table with a thud.

“Where did you get that?” Clint demanded as soon as he realized what it was. “Have you been poking through my personal matters?”

“It was shoved in a chair in the library,” Todd said blandly, filling his plate with eggs, bacon and home fries. “I’m pretty sure that chair doesn’t count as your specific personal matters. As for reading it, I was bored. Keep track of your shit better.”

“Language, Todd,” Viki sighed. She was giving him a stern glare as if she wasn’t sure where he was going and definitely not sure she liked it.

“Anyway, I read it. It was as boring as I thought it would be except for one thing.” He flipped through the paperwork and then handed it to Jessica pointing at the thing he was referring to.

Natalie leaned over to read over her twin’s arm.

“Daimler Designs,” they read in unison. They both looked at Todd curiously.

Clint, Viki, Tina and Cord knew immediately what that meant. Brody had no idea so he remained quiet and observant but it was clear he noticed the expressions on the other’s faces. Natalie had no idea either, but Jessica did. It took a moment for it to dawn on her.

“Wait... didn’t Blair used to call herself Daimler?”

“Yes,” the word trickled around the table.

“Oh,” Natalie nodded but then her brow furrowed. “Okay, I don’t get it. What _is_ this? Did she sell a business to BE?”

“No,” Clint snapped. “She did not.”

“Asa took it from her when he divorced her,” Tina supplied.

“What was it?” Jessica asked.

“A jewelry design company,” Viki explained. “She was very good. She had a real talent for it.”

“I didn’t know that,” Natalie said. “All I’ve known is... she had that magazine for awhile and now runs Capricorn. I didn’t know she did anything else.”

“Blair built up a company of her own from scratch a long time ago,” Cord said loyally.

“Until she ran it into the ground,” Tina piped up.

“Dorian did that,” Todd corrected. “When Starr was sick, dying of aplastic anemia,” he made sure to remind everyone, particularly Tina, exactly why Blair gave up her company, “Blair signed Melador over to Dorian to take care of so she could focus on her daughter. Dorian’s the one who didn’t give a crap about it enough to take care of it.” His words were pointed. He wasn’t going to let anyone think that Blair was a lousy businesswoman. She was terrific.

“She does an amazing job with Capricorn,” Natalie admitted. “Antonio did okay with it but when she bought it she really turned things around. She’s gotten big names there, she’s even got her own little cult following.”

“I didn’t know she designed jewelry, though,” Jessica continued. 

“She lived on it,” Todd said quietly. “When she was young, still getting handed over from foster home to foster home, she learned how to make earrings and necklaces. She’d store them up and then run away and she’d sell the jewelry to live off of before the authorities caught up to her and dragged her back to whatever hole she was stuck in. She’d start all over again. She had to learn how to make the pieces in secret, too. But she’d get another store together and make another break for it. 

“She got better each time, smarter, too. Every time she ran away she was able to stay away longer.”

“God,” Natalie breathed. “I had no idea.”

“Not many people do,” Todd said. He didn’t like telling tales about Blair out of school. The stories she told him about her foster homes were stories she had confided in him because she had trusted him and he didn’t want to repeat them. He knew that she had never told him the worst of it, however, and the only reason he was telling the people at this table about these things now was because it was part of a grander operation.

He wanted Daimler Designs. He wanted it back from Buchanan Enterprises and he was going to play every trick he had available at his disposal to get it. The best course of action was to play on sympathy, especially to Jessica who was already a soft sell and Natalie who knew very well what it was to be alone and have to fight to survive. They would be the key to get Clint to hand it over. Todd suspected that Cord would be willing to do so as well.

“So how did BE get it?” Natalie’s brow furrowed. “Grampa took it?”

“When he divorced Blair,” Clint said. “Pa made sure that he took back what was his.”

“Daimler Designs wasn’t his,” Todd replied.

“He funded it,” Clint snapped. “He paid for it, it belonged to him.”

“And he never did anything with it,” Todd pointed out. “I’ve checked. He took control of the company and then he let it wither and die because he knew that it meant something to Blair. BE hasn’t made a damn penny from Daimler Designs. He took it and buried it because he had the money and the power and he wanted to hurt Blair.”

“Wait a minute,” Jessica got up from the table and left the room briefly, returning with her iPad. She made a few quick movements to connect to her BE computer before Natalie took it and ran a quick report.

“It’s true,” she nodded as she and Jessica peered at the screen. “BE has never made a cent on the company. It’s never been used at all.” She frowned and then looked at Todd. “So what do you want?”

“I want Daimler Designs.”

“You’re not a jewelry designer.”

Todd sighed and squirmed slightly. “Blair’s birthday is coming up,” he mumbled.

Jessica, Natalie and Viki’s faces immediately softened. “Oh, Uncle Todd that is so sweet!” Jessica smiled. “You want to give her her first company back for her birthday!”

“The first birthday you’re spending with her since you’ve come back,” Viki concluded.

Well, he hadn’t exactly been expecting _that_ response. Everyone at the table, save for Clint and Tina, were looking at him with various expressions of approval. It was bizarre.

“Well, I don’t see what the problem is,” Jessica said matter of factly. “I think it’s a great idea. BE isn’t using it and clearly never intended to. I didn’t even know we had the company until just now anyway.”

“Are you making an offer?” Clint said brusquely.

“I shouldn’t have to,” Todd replied. “Asa took it because of things between him and Blair. You don’t have those issues with her.”

“I’m still a business man,” Clint told him.

“Dad, don’t,” Jessica rolled her eyes. “It’s dead weight and if we just sign over the property then it doesn’t require a meeting of the board members.”

“Asa would never sign over the company to Todd,” Clint insisted.

“Asa’s dead,” Cord’s voice was soft. “And I don’t recall seeing anything in his will requiring that we hold onto his hatred of Blair. It’s certainly not something I’d do anyway.”

“Does Blair even remember she had this company?” Tina asked pointedly.

Todd glared at his sister, his jaw clenching. Leave it to her to want to continue sticking it to Blair. “Blair most likely gave it up as a lost cause ages ago.”

“Oh my God,” Natalie’s eyes widened as she continued looking at the screen. “This is just _beyond_ petty... look... Grampa made sure all of her designs fell under the DD name before they were made into jewelry and then had, on file, an intellectual property injunction just in case she ever made anything that was like any of her own designs so he could not only sue her for poaching her own work but he could take anything new she created.”

“And she wasn’t allowed to make any jewelry for... seven years?” Jessica read aloud. “Dad... sign over the company. We don’t use it. We don’t even want it. This... was just mean.”

Todd smiled slightly. She had made him a ring and a chain despite Asa’s injunctions. He supposed since they were gifts that didn’t make her any money she could get away with it. Still, despite Asa’s power play she had cared about him enough to create those for him. His own love for her soared even higher.

“Well, that was Asa when he got his dander up,” Cord sighed as the conversation around the table continued.

“He had a good reason for hating that woman,” Clint insisted.

“ _We_ don’t,” Jessica replied curtly. “Blair has been very nice to me when she had no reason to be. I’ve attacked her during my own mental health crises and she helped me. God, I stole her granddaughter and she’s never held that against me! Give Todd the company, Dad!”

Jessica’s pleas peppered with the reminders of the damage she had done during her own problems caused Clint to cave. He nodded and even shook Todd’s hand in front of everyone as a show of good faith and promised to call in and have all of the paperwork taken care of on Monday.

Cord, Jessica and Natalie all promised to make sure it was handled.

“If anyone breathes a word of this to Blair...” Todd threatened.

“We won’t,” Viki promised. She looked at Tina pointedly.

Tina didn’t say anything until Cord sent an elbow into her side. “Okay! I won’t say anything!”

There was a pause as they all stared at her.

She held up her hand. “I swear I won’t say anything!”

Todd had to be content with that. “I’ve got to go meet Jack and Blair at the stables. We’re going car shopping.”

“I’ll see you at the house later,” Viki said with a gentle smile. “I’m not going to miss his birthday.”

“Would he even _want_ the rest of us there?” Jessica asked.

“He’s got the whole soccer team coming over,” Todd told her. “Starr’s not even going to be there. She took Hope and Sam and her boyfriend into Philadelphia to go to the aquarium. You can stop in if you want but I wouldn’t be surprised if you barely saw him.”

Jessica got up to walk him to the door. “This really is an amazing present you’re getting for Blair.”

“Make sure all the paperwork is in her name,” Todd asked her. “I don’t want my name on it. I want hers. It’s her company and always was.”

“Are things going okay for you two?”

Todd’s hand paused on the door knob. He stared at it for a moment. “I don’t think anyone knows just how much Blair’s been hurt.”

He glanced at Jessica who nodded. “She keeps things pretty close to the vest.”

“I’d like you to tell me about stealing my granddaughter.”

Jessica sighed softly. “That would probably be a good idea.”

“But today my son turns sixteen and his mother and I are going to buy him a car and throw him a party and that comes first.”

“It should,” Jessica smiled and hugged him.

=======================================================

When the taxi dropped Todd off at the country club, Blair and Jack were feeding carrots to their horses who were snug in their stalls again. Their cheeks were colored from the cool autumn day and the exertion of their ride and their eyes were bright.

They were sharing jokes when he approached them.

“You look like you had a good ride together.”

“We did,” Blair grinned, ruffling her son’s hair. “Now it’s time for a different kind of ride.”

“Are you buying me a car?” Jack asked excitedly.

Blair pursed her lips together teasingly.

“MOM!” Jack pounced on her. “Are you?”

“Your father and I are,” she told him.

Jack leapt into the air with a whoop. “Let’s go!” He turned and sprinted to the car.

“You do realize you’re getting all of the credit for this, right?” Todd couldn’t keep the sullen tone out of his voice.

“Todd, really,” Blair tucked her hand in his arm. “You are a part of this memory for him. He may not acknowledge it right now but when he remembers this day, he’s going to remember you being here. That’s huge.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Hey,” she said teasingly. “You were Starr’s absolute favorite parent. Now you know what it feels like to be the odd man out. Deal with it.”

“So this is revenge, is it?”

“No,” her tone turned serious. “This is you and me, together, making our son’s birthday something special. Now, get in the back. The birthday boy gets shotgun.”

==============================================

“I’m going to need you to drive my car back to Dorian’s and play host before Jack and I get back,” Blair said as Jack was getting the rundown of all of the technological wonders of his new car.

“Why?” Todd asked.

“I have one more surprise for him.”

“What is it?”

Blair’s face was lit with excitement. So much so that it made Todd particularly suspicious. Blair had something going on and it was big. “I’m not telling you. Not yet.”

“Why?”

“Because I want Jack to know first.”

“Blair...” Todd sighed.

She held up her hand to stop him. “I have always wanted Jack to be the first to find out about this and tonight, after the party and when Starr and the little ones get back, I’m going to let him tell everyone. Including you.”

“Really?”

“This is Jack’s day,” she said. “You don’t know how close I came to losing my beautiful boy, Todd... but he’s coming back. He’s coming back and I know, I know, that you two are going to come together as father and son. I believe that with everything in me.”

It was strange that she could be so confident and optimistic about that but utterly drained and defeatist when it came to her own life with him. Blair always was a little off, it was one of her most charming traits as far as he was concerned.

“What’s so funny?”

Todd realized he had a stupid grin on his face. “Nothing. You really want me to play host?”

“Well,” she hedged. “Cassie will be there to oversee things.”

Cassie hadn’t been back too long and Blair hadn’t warned him when he helped her into the house after she had a few too many at Capricorn the other night. Still, as far as the Cramer Coven went, Cassie was the one he liked best other than Blair and Addie. Cassie treated him kindly and hadn’t immediately accused him of anything nefarious the way Dorian surely would have if she had been living at Wicked Witch Central.

“And I’m going to find out what this big secret is tonight?”

“Absolutely,” she noticed Jack taking pictures of his new car with his phone and decided he was ready to go. “I’ll see you back at Dorian’s.”

Todd went to her car and started it. As he headed out of the car lot, he realized that when Blair referred to home these days she actually referred to it as Dorian’s more often than not.

He wondered about that.

====================================================

Jack watched his mother unlock a sturdy service door on one side of the Capricorn building and wondered what was going on. “So...” he hedged as she opened the door and gestured him inside. “Another surprise?”

“Yep,” she nodded. She activated the elevator with a key card and when they were inside, she actually used a thumb pad to activate it again.

“Are you a member of SHIELD?” Jack asked.

“What?”

“I’ve been watching too many Avengers cartoons with Sam,” he muttered.

Blair just grinned and waited for the doors to open. They stepped into a foyer that hadn’t been decorated to an impressive set of doors. Blair used another key card and thumb imprint to open the doors and stepped aside so Jack could enter.

Jack almost tripped over his own feet when he went inside.

The place wasn’t decorated but it was clearly a home. The view from the doorway was a large, two story entryway that spread out into an open living space. A chandelier with crystals of several colors hung above a stairway that curved up the space and bridged across from one side to the other, disappearing into dark hallways that, presumably, led to bedrooms.

There was a wall of windows on the other side of the space that looked out over downtown Llanview. The river could be seen sparkling in the autumn sun on the other side of Riverside Park.

“Holy crap, Mom!” Jack exclaimed turning in circles to take it all in. “What is this place?”

“This,” Blair said softly, “is our new home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take out the furniture and the pink shag wall hanging and this is pretty much what Jack got a load of. http://www.hgtv.com/designers-portfolio/room/contemporary/bathrooms/2125/index.html#/id-3228/room-entryways/style-contemporary


	32. Chapter 32

By the time Jack and Blair returned to La Boulie, they were well into a discussion of exactly what he wanted in his room and negotiating whether or not it would actually come to pass. She swore him to secrecy until after the party when he could make the announcement.

Jack was thrilled to be the one sharing a secret. And, in this case, it was a good secret for a change. He felt like part of the family unit again and he attributed that to his mother. He and Blair had always shared a close relationship. He supposed his rebellious streak wound up being a bit on the expected side because he basically did exactly what his sister had done, deny their mother and ally completely with their father.

Jack wondered if Starr knew just what she had missed by making those choices. He suspected after the Never-Ending Drama of her pregnancy she clued in.

A brace of young bucks was gathered in the foyer when Blair and Jack got back. Cassie was just telling them that everything was set up for them in the basement when they got a load of their teammate and birthday boy. They all boisterously wished him a happy birthday, some accompanied with friendly punches on the arm and then several of them straightened up when they saw Blair.

“Hi, Ms. Cramer,” was the scattered greeting.

“Boys,” Blair nodded as she shucked her coat.

Todd plowed through the group of boys and took Blair’s coat, standing close enough to her to be territorial. For good measure, he leaned forward and gave her a peck on the cheek before hanging up her coat in the closet.

“I smell horses,” a tall, willowy, chocolate-skinned young man with an English accent spoke up, leaning towards Jack and sniffing.

“We went riding,” Jack nodded.

Another boy, built more along the lines of a bulldog, leaned over and sniffed as well. “I smell new car!”

Jack grinned.

The group whooped loudly and wanted to see the new wheels.

“No driving!” Blair bellowed as they all tumbled out of the front door to admire the new vehicle.

“I have nothing but admiration for you, Blair,” Cassie sighed. “Taking on an entire team of high school boys? Do you have a tazer by any chance?”

“They’ll be fine,” Blair flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Pizza, soda, video games, they’ll be happy as can be.”

“Viki is entertaining Victor and Tea in the kitchen,” Cassie said.

“Oh good,” Blair went into say hello.

Tea was not looking her best. She had a pinched expression on her face and dark circles under her eyes. Victor looked downright pleasant as he chatted amiably with Viki about personal journeys. He was teasing his sister about ‘finding himself’ in a place like Paris, Texas.

“But not there,” Victor was helping himself to some chips and salsa. “Maybe London, Montana. Or Berlin, New Mexico. Maybe Tokyo, Vermont.”

Viki seemed amused in spite of herself.

“Hello, hello,” Blair breezed in with a greeting.

“Where’s the birthday boy?” Victor asked.

“Showing off his new ride to his team.”

“You got him a car?” Tea frowned.

“Yes,” Todd and Blair said in unison.

“He’s sixteen,” Victor nodded. “We did the same thing for Starr.”

Todd’s jaw clenched at having missed his daughter’s sixteenth birthday and knowing that his imposter was the one who was there instead. “Didn’t you say that you guys forgot Starr’s birthday?”

“We were looking for Sam,” Victor replied tightly. “Who had been kidnapped. Starr understood.”

Sensing the rising tension, Blair cut in. “This is _Jack’s_ birthday,” her voice was fierce. “This is about _Jack_. If this is going to turn into a goddamn pissing match I am turning the hose on every single person in this room. Sorry, Viki... collateral damage.”

Viki’s eyebrows were somewhere near her hairline and she didn’t seem to know exactly how to respond to Blair’s impassioned threat.

Tea scowled. Victor looked vastly amused by Blair and possibly a little impressed.

Todd was thinking it was a glimmer of his kickass Blair that he hadn’t seen in awhile.

“Been awhile since you got all fiery like that,” Victor said with a leer.

“Shut up,” Blair tossed at him. “I’m going to go herd the boys downstairs.”

Cassie joined in Viki and Victor’s casual chat and Tea took the opportunity to sidle closer to Todd.

“Well,” she said quietly. “You must be relieved.”

Todd looked at her blankly.

“Daniella not being yours.”

“Don’t do this, Delgado.”

“Don’t do what?” Tea asked. “I know you’re happy she’s not yours.”

Todd retreated to the other side of the kitchen. “What do you want me to say?”

Tea stared at him. She wanted him to be sorry. She wanted him to say he wanted to have a child with her so she could know that he wanted a part of her with him. Or so _she_ could rebuff him completely and say how happy _she_ was that Dani wasn’t his.

“You know why I left that island, Delgado.”

She looked across the room at Victor longingly. Victor had told her what she wanted to hear. That Todd had left because he was happy and because he was afraid of that happiness.

Todd caught her look and frowned. “What story did _he_ tell you?”

Tea felt more and more miserable. She wanted so much to let go. She had spent so much time trying to get this man to love her and every time she tried to corner him he cut her off completely. She had a man who _did_ love her and wanted a life with her. She had a man who chose her over Blair, which is what she had wanted for so long. _Why_ was she still obsessing about Todd and his lack of interest? Was it just about winning? “He said you left because you were afraid of being happy. With me.”

The incredulous look on Todd’s face gave way to irritation. “I crossed an ocean on a homemade raft,” he hissed. “I was scared to death to do that. I thought I would die. I came close to dying any number of times. Why in the hell would anyone risk their life, repeatedly, to get _away_ from happiness?”

Of course Tea knew that. She had known it all along. She had known it when she woke up to find Todd hunched over the cooler with his back to her, gazing at the picture of Blair and thinking he was hiding it from her. When Victor, as Todd, had told her that he had really wanted to stay with her because she made him so happy that it scared him, she latched onto it because she wanted it to be true. She wanted to be the one he chose.

“I needed to get back to Blair,” Todd whispered heatedly. “I needed to get back to my kids. I needed my family. You already know this and you already know how I feel about having different kids with different mothers. You don’t want me to say it out loud so don’t come up to me demanding answers you really don’t want to hear.”

Blair came back in at that point and began getting two liter bottles of soda out of the fridge. She shoved two into Tea’s arms, giving the other woman a severe look as if she knew what the topic of conversation was, then turned and shoved two bowls of chips at Victor. “Go downstairs and set these out for the boys. Jack wanted to see you today,” she leveled a look at Victor. “So go down and wish him a happy birthday.”

“Yes ma’am,” Victor did as he was told with Tea following him. 

Blair gave Cassie a package of plastic cups and nudged her after them. Viki took some paper plates and napkins without prompting and followed.

When they were alone, Blair looked at Todd. “Tea didn’t look too happy.”

“When does she ever look happy?” He noted that Blair was getting more bowls of snacks ready and went to the refrigerator to get more soda out.

“Is it possible to not have the heavy discussions today?”

“I would _love_ that,” Todd sighed. “Really. I already apologized to Delgado for how I treated her during our relationship but she keeps coming after me and demanding... I don’t even _know_ what. It’s like she wants me to hurt her!”

“Does that surprise you?”

Todd blinked. He hadn’t ever considered that Blair might have realized that his relationship with Tea was a deeply masochistic one. He had always rather hoped that Blair never saw just how broken he was back then.

“You and Tea are probably going to need to have a conversation,” Blair said quietly. “Not today but soon.”

“Why?”

“To put things to rest,” Blair shrugged, gathering the snacks. “To settle things.”

“There isn’t anything to settle, Blair.”

“You want that to be true,” she said over her shoulder. “Because you don’t want to deal with it. I can’t say I blame you and maybe there isn’t anything to settle when all is said and done but you should still talk with her and come to that conclusion together. She’s still holding onto something...”

“I can’t give her what she wants, babe.”

Blair stopped and turned to face him. “What does she want?”

Todd frowned as he considered that.

“You’re not sure, either. Like I said, you two need to have a conversation. You should make time for it.”

Todd followed Blair down into the basement where Jack’s party was set up. The large flat screen television was currently sporting a soccer game that the team was engrossed in and arguing over. As Blair oversaw the arranging of the snacks, the boys drifted over to start helping themselves. A few of them kept their eyes glued to the game but some of the boys graciously thanked their hosts for the food before continuing arguments and discussion about the English Premier League versus La Liga, the merits of various soccer players and who they had to look out for when the season started.

Blair waded through the adolescent crowd and paused the game to get their attention. “We’ve got the pizzas and wings and stuff ordered so they’ll be here soon,” she told them. “I’m not expecting this room to be pristine by the end of the day but I will warn everyone here that if things aren’t kept to a reasonable level of clean no one leaves here until I am happy with the results. Am I clear?”

“Yes,” came the chorus.

Blair unpaused the game and went back upstairs.

Jack seemed completely engrossed in the game and his teammates so Todd and the rest followed Blair back up. Todd was actually happy to see his son in such an environment. He was part of a football team but he wasn’t really friends with anyone on the team. He would never have had a party and invited all of his teammates. There was always anger in him when he was a kid; a raging, boiling anger that could and would be set off by any hint of competition from teammates.

This was a different set of circumstances and Todd was happy to see Jack in a place that was much healthier than his own childhood was.

When the pizza and wings arrived, Blair sent Victor and Todd down to distribute the food and then she nudged Tea into the living room.

“All right,” Blair sat down next to her on the couch. “How are you doing?”

“Dani isn’t speaking to me,” Tea said miserably. “She doesn’t even _look_ at me.”

“She’s young and she’s angry,” Blair reminded her. “And with this latest revelation it’s likely that she’s mourning Ross all over again.”

“Before she stopped speaking to me, she accused me of making it all up in order to get Todd,” Tea looked at Blair imploringly. “Do you think that?”

“I honestly don’t care,” Blair replied and it was true. Whatever the reasons for the misinformation regarding Dani’s paternity didn’t matter to her at all. “It doesn’t affect me. This is about you and Dani so you either have to convince her that she’s wrong or figure out a way to deal with it.” _If I evolve any more_ , she thought, _I’m going to either wake up with a third eye or sprout wings._

“I can’t very well get through to her if she won’t talk to me,” Tea complained. “Everything I’ve done, I’ve done because I wanted her to succeed in life, to have the best things. I didn’t do anything to hurt her and she acts like I plotted against her!”

Blair sighed. “Well, maybe, just maybe, instead of fussing over how you did this or you’re being misunderstood or you’re being falsely accused you should think about _Danielle_.”

Tea looked stunned and affronted. “I am!”

“Everything I’m hearing you say is focused on you,” Blair pointed out. “Not only that, but I never did buy your insistence that Ross was somehow a worse father than Todd was. You said yourself that Todd was the love of your life and always would be, is it _that_ strange that Dani would think you set it all up?”

“I didn’t!”

“But Dani _thinks_ you did and, right now, she’s the one that matters the most,” Blair said patiently. “ _She’s_ the one you have to think of. It’s not about how you feel or what you wanted or what you tried to do, it’s about _her_.”

“You don’t understand,” Tea muttered. 

“Right, because I’ve _never_ been a disappointment to my daughter,” Blair scoffed. “Honestly, Tea, what’s the matter with you? When you two first got here you broke up with Victor in order to salvage your relationship with Dani. You’re perfectly capable of dealing with this.”

“I can’t bring Ross back from the dead.”

Blair nodded in sympathy. “No. No, you can’t. That’s true. And Dani will realize that. It’s going to be hard but you will get through this.”

Raised voices caught both of their attentions.

“Sounds like the brothers aren’t getting along,” Tea groused.

Since it did sound like an escalating argument between Todd and Victor, Blair detoured into the foyer and arrived into the kitchen brandishing a riding crop.

“What’s that, Blair?” Tea cooed, a nasty smile on her face. “Leftovers from Eli Clarke? The best sex you’ve ever had?”

Tea couldn’t pinpoint exactly why she said that. Blair had just taken the time to listen to her and give her advice on the shambles that was her relationship with her daughter. Maybe it was just that Blair was an easy target for her when she wasn’t feeling too great about herself. The surprised and shocked expressions as a result of her jibe she got from Viki and Cassie certainly didn’t do much to improve her mood.

Blair narrowed her eyes at Tea then strode into the kitchen. She whacked Victor on the arm with the riding crop, then smacked Todd on the arm with her back swing. For good measure, she reached over and hit Tea on the side of the head. It wasn’t too hard but Tea yelped.

“No. Fighting,” Blair hissed, brandishing the crop. “This day is for Jack.” She turned on Tea. “And you... Why would you even say that? What is wrong with you?”

For reasons entirely unknown to her, Tea didn’t take the high road and apologize. She just kept slinging mud. “What? You did say that Eli was the best sex you’d ever had. I was there!”

Blair just stared at her.

“Better than me?” Victor and Todd asked in unison.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” Blair shot them both withering looks over her shoulder.

Tea looked at Victor with a wounded expression. “Seriously? Does that bother you that she preferred someone else?”

‘Hey, you’re the one who brought it up,” Victor shot back.

Blair smacked Tea and Victor again with her crop. “That is enough out of both of you!”

“Mom?” Jack came around the corner then and took in the mood in the room. He had actually been peeking into the kitchen for the last several minutes watching his Mom lay down the law but feigned ignorance as to what was going on. “We’re almost out of Sprite and Coke... do we have anymore?”

“Sure!” Blair started towards the refrigerator but Cassie was already opening it and pulling out some more two liter bottles.

Jack gathered them in his arms and considered his next words. “You know, I wouldn’t be so quick to throw my Mom’s past out to embarrass her, Naked Lady,” he shot a serious glare towards Tea. “You’re not exactly a paragon of virtue yourself. I’ve got stories I can tell about you.”

The hush that fell over the room was significant. Blair crossed the room and escorted Jack out and back towards the basement. “I appreciate that, Jack, but you don’t have to fight my battles for me.”

“That’s obvious,” Jack grinned. “You were kicking ass in there with the riding crop. Don’t they know better than to piss you off after you’ve spent the morning with a rambunctious horse?”

Blair smiled back. “No, they don’t.”

“Their loss,” she shrugged. He was quiet for a moment. “Tea doesn’t have the right to disrespect you in your house. I mean, she does it everywhere but I’m tired of her crap.”

“I thought you liked Tea,” Blair frowned.

“Early on? Yeah,” Jack shrugged. “That was before I caught onto what she’s really like.”

“Is that so?”

“I know you don’t like talking about Spencer Truman,” Jack’s voice quieted, “but I learned a lot from that jerk. I learned how to pay attention because grown ups think that kids are too stupid to catch onto what they’re doing. Spencer was like that. So was Eli and so’s Tea. You’re a lot nicer to her than she deserves. You’re a lot nice to a lot of people than they deserve.”

Blair was stunned by that. “Jack... I’m just trying to set as good an example as I can for you kids.”

“Seeing you in there not taking any crap from Todd and Victor and Tea was the best example I’ve seen in a long time,” he hefted the soda bottles in his arms. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to go out and beat people with a riding crop. I gotta get back downstairs or I’ll lose my spot in line for our tourney.” He paused and then looked back at her. “You’re my Mom. What kind of son would I be if I didn’t stand up for my Mom when someone’s giving her crap?”

Blair felt like the world was turned right again.

=========================================

Aside from tensions from one branch of the Lord tree, the party was a rousing success and the team of boys even cleaned up after themselves before they all went home. When Starr returned with Hope and Sam they claimed what few leftovers there were and traded stories back and forth about their day. Hope and Sam could barely contain themselves after a day at the aquarium and Starr had tales to tell about the two of them making faces at the fish. Sam was filled with excitement over the sharks and announced he wanted to be one for Halloween.

“I think that can be arranged,” Blair smiled. She nudged Jack with her foot and continued. “And now that we’re all here, Jack has an announcement to make.”

Jack’s eyes lit up. “We’re moving!”

The surprise from everyone was worth the secrecy as far as Blair was concerned.

Jack began going into detail about the Capricorn building and the high tech security system that Blair had set up as well as the house itself.

Todd listened to Jack’s description and realized that Blair had been working on this for some time. He could barely contain his excitement, either. Finally! Blair was getting out of Dorian’s mausoleum for a place of her own! He had wondered how he was going to broach the subject with her given how stubborn she could be about the Cramer manse but this was better than he could have hoped for!

Cassie started laughing. “Well, I guess that means I’ll be taking over the care of La Boulie! Works for me. No wonder you didn’t mind me showing up out of the blue!”

“I am always happy to see you, Cassie,” Blair insisted. “Granted, the fact that you announced you were here for the long haul took one concern off of my mind.”

“Don’t get too comfortable,” Cassie grinned. “Mother is not going to be happy about your leaving.”

Blair shrugged. “I’m not about to not do this. When we all go and see the place you’ll understand.” She turned her attention to Starr. “I’ve planned something particularly special for you, sweet girl.”

“Really?”

Blair nodded. “You’re going to be in the same building but you’re going to have a completely separate apartment. And wait until I show you how it’s going to connect.”

Starr’s interest took an obvious hike. “Mom? What are you up to?”

Blair looked inherently pleased with herself. Jack continued describing the place to Sam who paid rapt attention and peppered the conversation with ‘Cool!’ and ‘Awesome!’ at the appropriate times.

Todd felt a particular stirring. Blair had been amazing all day long; from when he met them at the stables to when she was whacking people left and right in the kitchen with a whip while Viki looked to now listening to Jack describe the house she was creating for her family. Words to a song started floating about in his head to describe the day. Sure he had to deal with Victor and Tea but, all in all, the pluses far outweighed the negatives.

He hoped there would be room in that new house for him.

Gazing at Blair as she listened rapturously to Hope describing the fish she saw that day, he would make absolutely certain that there would be. He didn’t survive years in that hold only to be kept outside while his family moved into their new home.

No way in hell.

=====================================

Blair wasn’t certain she was hearing right as she drove Todd back to Viki’s later that night. It seemed like Todd was humming. She glanced at him as she drove to see if that is what was going on.

The hum stopped when Todd started talking. “I’ve gotta say it, Blair, watching you beat Delgado with a riding crop might be one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen.”

Blair thought to herself that she probably shouldn’t have enjoyed wielding the whip as much as she did. “Well, you and Victor got some shots, too.”

“You know, you probably could have made a hell of a living as a dominatrix.”

“That’s... sweet?”

Todd laughed. “Today was a good day.”

“Yes, it was.”

“Jack seemed really happy.”

“Yes, he did.”

“And what was all that about calling Delgado ‘Naked Lady?’ Do I even want to know about that?”

Blair laughed. “Oh, just...” she laughed some more at the memory of Tea walking into Victor’s house and ripping open her coat to show off that she was wearing some barely there underwear, not just giving Victor a show but her and Jack as well. “Bad timing.”

“Jack was stepping up for you.”

“He sure was,” Blair said softly. “That was nice. Really nice.”

“So...” Todd hesitated. “Was Delgado right? This Eli guy was the best sex you ever had?”

“You really want to have this conversation?”

“I’m a big boy, Blair,” he assured her. “I can take it.”

“Eli was a hell of a lover,” Blair began after several moments of silent consideration. “At the time, I just needed something completely uncomplicated and probably a little bit dirty. He was younger than me and didn’t seem to have any issues regarding dominance. He could take control or completely give it up. He was physical, very physical and very enthusiastic. Yes, it was easily the best sex I ever had.”

She glanced at him again as they pulled into the driveway of Llanfair. When she turned the car off, she undid her seatbelt and shifted to face him. “Don’t misunderstand, Todd.”

“How can I possibly do that?” It hurt. There wasn’t any way to describe it. It hurt to hear that Blair had a lover that she considered better than him. He’d always had some misgivings about his ability to please her and had from the very first but she had always seemed satisfied with their sex life. She had told him before that the only complaint she could make was that she never got enough of him. But hearing about this...

“Sex is sex,” she said frankly. “You and I... were always more than that.”

He turned to meet her eyes at that. “What do you mean?”

“There’s sex,” she gestured with her hands putting something in one slot. “And then there’s us.” She moved her hands to signify another slot. “We weren’t sex. Even when we were just friends, Todd, even before I ever realized I loved you, what we did was making love. It was _never_ just sex.”

“You could just be saying that.”

“I could be,” Blair nodded. “But I’m not. You were always special. Eli was great but no one has ever made me feel the way you do.” She smiled at him and got out of the car.

Todd started humming again.

“What are you doing?” Blair asked.

“Just a perfect day,” Todd half sang, half spoke as they approached the front door. “Problems all left alone. Weekenders on our own, it’s such fun. Just a perfect day,” he drew her closer to him. “You made me forget myself. I thought I was someone else,” he touched her lips with his fingertip. “Someone good.

“Oh, it’s such a perfect day,” Todd smiled at Blair’s wide eyed surprise at him. “I’m glad I spent it with you. Such a perfect day...” he swept her into his arms, pinning her against the front door of Llanfair and kissing her hard, plunging his tongue into her mouth and feeling, with great satisfaction, her fingers digging into his shoulders as she clung to him. When he released her, sweeping her away from the door, she staggered back a few steps.

“You just keep me hanging on,” he finished, opening the door to disappear inside. “You just keep me hanging on.”

Blair wandered back to the car feeling more than a little dazed. She leaned her forehead on the steering wheel and sang to herself. “You just keep me hanging on.”


	33. Chapter 33

Serenity Springs was regionally well known for its natural sulfur hot springs. Blair figured she might have found a way to come to terms with visiting the place just for that even if her old rival Luna was long gone and Max was a continent away. Even if that weren’t the case, Serenity Springs being a monument to their love didn’t sting as much as it once did.

She and Cassie soaked in the pungent, bubbling hot water. This was _her_ birthday present; a spa day with her favorite cousin. Todd had volunteered to stay at Dorian’s with the kids all day and Blair was happy to take him up on it. She only requested the house look recognizable when she got back.

Cassie broke a jasmine scented oil pod under the water to help alleviate the sulfur smell.

“They should have scents like ‘chicken’ or ‘beef’ so you can pretend you’re being made into soup,” Blair laughed to herself.

“That sounds like a joke Todd would make.”

Blair peeled one eye open and looked at her cousin. “Really?”

“Kind of ridiculous? Maybe a little gross? Broadly hinting at something as inappropriate as cannibalism?” Cassie nodded. “Sounds like Todd to me.”

“Mmm,” Blair knew that Cassie was right. She was getting back into the Todd groove and it was both comforting and disconcerting. Mostly comforting because they got along almost right from the start and it felt good to be around someone she felt so normal with. It was such a rare thing for her, to feel normal just being her. 

“So, how are things going on that front?” Cassie pressed. “Jack’s birthday seemed to spark a bit of a change in you.”

“Change?” Blair raised her head from resting against the side of the small pool they were sharing and looked questioningly at her cousin. “What do you mean?”

“A different kind of life,” Cassie said thoughtfully. “I’m not saying you’re undergoing a renaissance or anything.” _Not yet_ , she added to herself. “Maybe more like new shoots of grass after a hard winter.”

“Are you suggesting that I’m coming out of the winter of my discontent?”

“Maybe.”

Blair was quiet. “It feels good to have him around,” she said after a moment. “It feels right. He’s hungry, I can tell, hungry in ways he hasn’t been before and I know it’s because of what he went through. Hungry for a life, for love, for tenderness and I have tried so hard to make him welcome with the kids, including him because he needs it.

“But he needs more than that,” she sighed. “He needs me, I know he does. He’s so wounded inside because of what’s happened to him and I know he needs me to help and I _want_ to help. I want so much to help because when it comes down to it, I need him, too. I feel like I’ve been buried alive by my own life... like the real me has been buried under the wreckage of the decisions I’ve made and if feels like Todd is pulling me out. Or maybe he’s underneath with me and we’re digging out together. I don’t know, maybe I’m not making sense.”

“I think,” Cassie smiled, “That you should worry less about making sense and just tell me how you feel. We are two grown women who have known their share of loss and heartache and love and hope and we are sitting in a magnificent natural hot spring letting our cares melt away before we get massaged and facialed and body treatmented to our hearts’ content. Blair, really, just let it out.”

“That’s my trouble,” Blair pointed out. “I can’t remember the last time I just let it out. I’ve kept things closed up for so long I barely recognize the sound of my own voice.”

“And?”

“And Todd is the only one who ever heard me. _Me_.” She continued. “Even Victor as Todd managed to do more to make me feel like I wasn’t good enough than most anyone else had for years. When things went bad between Victor and I... it was like I didn’t know who he was and he didn’t know who I was.”

“But that’s normal,” Cassie said. “He wasn’t Todd. He didn’t really know you and you didn’t really know him!”

“But I _thought_ he was Todd and that just messed me up even more.”

“Now Todd is back, for real,” Cassie argued.

“And I’m hearing me, and feeling me for the first time in years.”

“You were never happier, or more you, than when you were with Todd.”

“How come you’re the only one who seems to get that?”

Cassie laughed. “Mother has way too much bad history with the Lord family to ever approve. And Mother has that _way_ about her that... it’s not necessarily what _we_ want that matters, it’s what _she_ wants _for_ us. She’s such a control freak and I understand why she is but it doesn’t make it easier.”

“That’s true.”

“Plus,” Cassie looked pensive. “Out of all of us, Blair, you’re the only one who has that One True Love.”

Blair looked skeptical.

“I’ve loved,” Cassie pressed on. “And I’ve loved deeply but I’ve never had that one man who is so far and above all others that everyone else is a distant second place. Neither has Kelly. And Mother certainly hasn’t. As much as she’s loved, and she has, she’s always been able to move on and find another so she just doesn’t understand what Todd is to you and how you feel about him.”

Blair splashed some water on her face to cover up the tears that were forming. “So why aren’t I jumping in with both feet?”

“You tell me.”

“I used to be a lot braver than this,” Blair scrubbed her face with her wet hands. “I’ve just been beaten down so much because of bad decisions.”

“Is Todd a bad decision?”

Blair considered that. She and Todd had done a lot of damage to each other and though she may have told him at times that she regretted meeting him when the hurt was so strong she was drowning in it she never truly wished she hadn’t had him in her life. It wasn’t just the kids, it was more than that. He had hurt her more than anyone but he had loved her more than anyone, too.

Now? Just thinking about his smile made her feel warm from her head to her toes.

“No,” she reasoned. “I think... I think I just need something. Some _thing_ to show me that I can take this chance again. When that happens... all my defenses will come down.”

“When?” Cassie smiled. “Not if?”

“Oh, it’s going to happen,” Blair was confident. “Todd always finds a way.”

============================================

“What is something that your mother loves to eat but she doesn’t allow herself to eat it very often?”

“She loves lobster,” Starr said.

“Yes,” Todd said patiently. “But she doesn’t eat that because it might kill her. What’s something she loves that she doesn’t eat because she doesn’t give herself treats very often?”

“Steak,” Jack said. Starr nodded.

“Good,” Todd looked pleased with himself. “I’ve got a chef coming in to make up an amazing steak dinner for her when she gets home.”

“Then why did you ask?” Jack frowned.

“Because I wanted to make sure it was still that.” Todd clapped his hands together. “Okay, I’ve got balloons coming and we’ve got a banner to hang.”

“Gold balloons?” Starr asked in a teasing sing-song voice.

Todd fixed his daughter with a stern look. “Those are for weddings, not birthdays.”

Jack rolled his eyes at his sister. To say she was obvious would be an understatement. He turned his attention to his younger brother. “What are you doing?”

“I’m picking out things I want for my new room,” Sam said. “Mom _loves_ to shop so that’s my present to her.”

It was hard to argue with that sort of logic. Todd laughed out loud. “You’ve got your Mom pegged, Sam,” he said to the boy. “But you _did_ make her a card or something, right?”

“Yes,” Sam’s voice carried a slight irritated tone as he was pouring over a selection of beds in the catalogue he had in his lap.

“So what’s the deal with you?” Jack asked Starr. “Mom said she had a different set up in mind for wherever you’re going to live.”

“I’m getting my own apartment in the building,” Starr said proudly. “We’re going to buy it through my trust fund and it’s going to be connected to the main house by a secret passage.”

Those were magic words. Jack looked particularly intrigued and Sam tore his eyes away from bunk beds and computer game chairs to focus on his sister. “Secret passage?”

“Yes, a set of stairs secreted away,” Starr couldn’t keep the expression of delight off her face. “She’s basing it on the Clue game.”

Todd started laughing. “Well, God knows you had a hell of a fascination with that game... not quite in the way it was intended, though.”

Starr had the good grace to look somewhat abashed, especially when her brothers turned curious eyes on her. “I plotted ways to kill off everyone in the game using the secret passages.”

Jack huffed. “So, Starr was plotting mass murder and that was cute?!” Starr got away with everything as far as Jack was concerned.

“She was five,” Todd pointed out. “And it was a board game. If she had continued with her serial killer ways heading into her tween years we would have done something about it. As it was, she was being creative.”

“Yeah, right,” Jack grumbled.

“Oh stop it,” Starr have her brother a shove on the shoulder. It didn’t result in much. Jack was growing every day, it seemed, and she had ground to a halt. She had not been blessed with her mother’s willowy genes and seemed, instead, to take after Aunt Viki, Aunt Tina, Aunt Dorian and Grandma Addie in height. “It wasn’t even remotely as weird as it sounds.”

“It was a little weird,” Todd admitted. “But I was certainly not encouraging you to go down a cleaner path with the games I used to make for you.” He shrugged. “I learned my lesson after you made up a big hairy man with a stick after Jack was born because you weren’t getting all of the attention. That and trying to sell him in the park.”

Jack shot an accusing look towards his sister. “I knew you weren’t so perfect little princess as you tried to make yourself out to be these last few years.”

“Hey, at least I’m not on probation!”

“You were almost sent to juvie when you were thirteen! You ended up on community service and then you defaced a hospital!”

“Okay okay okay!” Todd waved his arms and waded between his warring children. He took a gander at Sam, who was watching his siblings fight with vastly amused expression on his face. “Do I really have to mediate over an argument over who got in trouble with the law at a younger age? Am I even surprised by this considering you’re both my kids?

“Let me make one thing _very_ clear: you all may be the spawn of something unholy because of me, but your mother is the one who raised you and took care of you and protected you and even taught you actual values! And it’s _her_ birthday today and I am _not_ going to have her come home to kids squabbling over who may or may not have been sent to juvie _first_! Or any other comparisons of law-breaking!” He gave Jack and Starr the sternest of glares he could muster. “Hang the banner for your mother over the fireplace. _Together_!”

The doorbell rang and he went to answer it. _If this is what Blair’s been dealing with on her own for the last several years... damn_. He opened the door to a small handful of people with balloon paraphernalia. He directed them into the living room and told them to go nuts. As they started, the doorbell rang again.

The chef had arrived and Todd took him and his crew into the kitchen to get dinner going. Todd went back to keep an eye on Starr and Jack. They kept taking little potshots at each other but it didn’t escalate the way it did before. It was strange for him to realize that he had three siblings of his own and hadn’t grown up with any of them. He wondered what it would have been like to have an older sister, or two, around and even a slightly younger brother.

_But who would have raised us?_ He thought. _Tina didn’t even meet Viki until she was a teenager and then Viki was basically made to be her mother figure. It’s not like the four of us were ever going to grow up together and even if that were possible, the idea of being raised by Victor Lord is worse than what I actually had._

Some things were better left as they were. He had been raised as an only child so he wasn’t even certain how normal Jack and Starr’s squabbling was. He’d have to ask Blair. She had spent time in loads of places with an overabundance of children. She never liked talking about her early years and Todd hadn’t pushed too hard. It was pretty much unspoken that she didn’t have very many good stories to tell. He understood that. His childhood wasn’t exactly a nice one, either.

It seemed to run in his family.

Looking at his kids, and he noted again that he seemed to be including Sam among them without thinking about it, he had to say that they had it much better than either he or Blair; which was exactly what they wanted when they got married all those years ago. He had to give all the credit to Blair, though. Even when he was around, he wasn’t exactly a model of fatherly ideals.

It was different now. He wasn’t going to let his own issues destroy his kids. Blair hadn’t; she had fought hard to give them security and love and even if she had failed on some scores, Todd was willing to bet that she had more victories than failures. He knew what it was like to be afraid and alone and feel completely unwanted and worthless and for whatever one could say about the three kids Blair had raised, they seemed to be very secure in the love their mother had for them.

That counted for a lot and he wasn’t going to let her fight those battles alone ever again.

============================================

“You know, I could get used to this,” Blair planted a kiss on Sam’s cheek as she thanked him for his gift. The handmade card was sweet but she laughed heartily over the furniture catalogue with earmarked pages and circled items. Sam’s youthful scrawl announced: It’s time to shop!! All of the kids seemed excited about the move and she was thrilled with it, too. They had taken one trip earlier in the week to get a look at the space and they had oohed and ahhed over it, racing about and exploring everything they could. Blair had a few secrets left for them and would wait until they all moved in to reveal them.

Blair was feeling pretty good. She and Cassie had a magnificent spa day, her muscles felt worked over in the best of ways and her skin felt fresh and new. She was stuffed full of delicious steak. Todd had brought in a chef who really knew how to cook a ribeye. Sure, the tenderloin had the buttery, tender quality to it but the ribeye was where the flavor was. Dinner had been delicious and the living room was festively decked out with a banner and balloons. Their meal had been boisterous and now she was receiving gifts from her kids.

Jack had given her a beautiful cuff bracelet that looked like a peacock feather wrapped around her wrist. Starr had given her Egyptian styled chandelier earrings that dripped with lapis lazuli. Her kids did know she loved jewelry and singing at the club gave her lots of opportunities to wear them. “My children have amazing taste.”

“Can we have cake now?” Sam asked impatiently.

“There’s one more present,” Todd replied softly.

“Todd, you didn’t have to get me anything,” Blair told him with a smile.

He favored her with a vaguely insulted look. “As if I’d let your first birthday since I got back go by without something? Please.” He reached underneath the chair he was sitting on and pulled out a manila envelope with a bow on it then handed it across the table to Blair.

Blair was instantly hit by the memory of walking into the living room of the penthouse they shared before they bought theirs and seeing an envelope with a bow and her name on it. “Did you buy me a building?”

Todd shook his head. “No,” his voice was almost too soft to be heard.

Her heart was pounding and she wasn’t exactly sure why. She opened the envelope and pulled out the folder that was inside.

The changes on her face told its own story. The expression of curiosity gave way to confusion. The familiar wrinkle between her brows appeared as she opened the folder, her eyes scanning quickly over the papers inside.

“Mom, what is it?” Starr asked.

Blair got off the chair she was seated in and walked away from the group, engrossed in the paperwork she had. She flipped through the papers and her breath hitched. She clapped a hand over her mouth and sort of sank down to a half squat, then straightened, then sank, then straightened again.

Cassie got up off the couch and rushed to Blair’s side, looking at the papers in her hand. Immediately, her brow furrowed as well and as she shuffled through the papers her jaw dropped. “Oh my God...”

Starr, Jack and Sam looked utterly confused. “What’s going on?” Starr asked.

“How did you do this?” Blair asked softly.

Todd stood up. The expression on his face was deeply emotional as he watched Blair take in what he had given her. His eyes were soft, almost teary, and a trembling smile danced across his lips.

“What did he do?!” Jack demanded, not certain what to make of the adults at the moment.

Starr went over to where Blair and Cassie were to see for herself. She peered at the papers. “Daimler Designs? What is that?”

All eyes focused on Todd, then on Blair, then back and forth again. Blair and Todd were only staring at each other.

Starr looked at Cassie and said in a softer voice. “What is it?”

“It was your mother’s jewelry company.”

“I didn’t know you had a jewelry company,” Jack said.

“It was before any of you were born,” Blair finally spoke, her voice trembling with emotion. “It was before I even met Todd. How... how did you do this? I never thought I’d see any of this again. I never even _dreamed_ it...”

“I know,” Todd replied softly.

“I never dreamed... this is... I never expected...” Blair was at a complete loss for words.

“Happy birthday, Blair.”

Blair felt like her entire world had shifted. Something she had given up on completely, to the point where she didn’t even think about it anymore, had just been returned to her. She’d been waiting for something to tell her that it would be okay to jump in and what she had gotten was more than she had ever thought possible.

Cassie noted the tension between Blair and Todd. Certainly not a bad tension but it filled the room with electricity that was going to blow at some point. “Let’s go get some cake and ice cream!” She herded the kids out of the room so the two could have a moment between them.

“I’d say I can’t believe you did this,” Blair said softly once they were alone, “but you’ve always given the best presents.”

Todd thought that was debateable. As far as he was concerned, Blair’s first Christmas gift to him could never be surpassed.

“The last time I was this blown away was when I saw you standing there at the movie premiere.”

“You like it?” Todd noticed that Blair was moving towards him and considered meeting her halfway. He liked the look in her eyes, though, so he waited her out.

“It’s amazing, Todd. I never thought I’d see any of that again. Even my designs are in there. It’s like... it’s like something gone for so long... come back... just like you.”

Todd felt his throat tighten. The walls that Blair had built around herself were disappearing before his eyes. He had forgotten what it was like to get the full force of her attention and it was making him a little delirious. He had gotten so used to her holding back he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He had _ideas_ but he didn’t think they could get anywhere with Cassie and the kids just in the kitchen. “I... I wanted to get you something that was... you.”

“You’re going to have to tell me how you managed it,” Blair whispered, standing so close to him that the tips of her breasts through her sweater brushed against his chest. “I’d like to hear it.”

“Okay.”

She kissed him then. Her hands clasping his face and her fingers teasing his earlobes. Her kiss was powerful and unchecked. For the first time since he had returned, she wasn’t holding anything back and the effect was dizzying. To have her in his arms, without a bullet hole in his shoulder, without her pushing or pulling away... was everything he had been dreaming of.

They kissed for several moments just letting their mouths melt against the other. When they finally parted, Blair caught her breath. “Okay... you’re not staying here tonight. Just so you know.”

Todd blinked at her.

“It’s too soon...”

“Too soon for _what_?”

She gave him a playful look. “Just let me get my feet under me, Todd.”

“When you get your feet under you, you usually run away.”

“I’m not running away. I’m just saying not tonight.”

“When?”

“Soon.”

“That’s vague.”

“It’s better than never.”

“It’s not as good as now.”

She reached up and lightly ran her thumb against his bottom lip. “Very soon.”

=====================================

After cake and ice cream, and after burning off some of Sam’s sugar high as a result, he was finally corralled into bed. Jack and Starr were looking at Blair’s designs while Cassie and Todd told tales of Blair’s ability to style and create amazing things. Whether it was Daimler Designs or Melador, Blair had been able to make things beautiful and interesting.

Blair was flush with the praise. When Todd talked about the ring she had made him, their eyes met and everything else melted away. 

“You know,” he said gently. “Christmas is coming up. Just throwing that out there.”

She smiled at him, already thinking of a new style for him. One that was maybe showing signs of distress but still strong and bold. And always one of a kind.

Jack made an impatient noise. “If you two are just going to make eyes at each other all night, I’m going to bed.”

Starr punched him on the arm. He shoved her back, toppling her off the couch.

“Hey hey hey,” Blair said sharply. “Enough of that.”

“So are you going to make jewelry for all of us?” Starr asked as she sat back down on the couch, closer to Jack to annoy him.

“Well,” Blair looked hesitant. “It’s been a long time... we’ll see. Anyway, I don’t see the boys getting anything like that until they tell me they’re interested.”

Jack looked immensely relieved. “I’m going to bed,” he gave Todd an uncertain look before leaning down and kissing Blair on the cheek. “Happy birthday, Mom.”

“Thank you, handsome,” Blair smiled at her son. When he left, she looked at Todd. “Let me walk you out.”

Todd didn’t seem particularly interested in that but grudgingly got up to follow her to foyer. As she got his coat, he watched her closely. “Today was good, wasn’t it?”

“It was,” she held his coat out to him.

“I could be here all the time,” he told her. “That wouldn’t be so bad, would it?”

Blair didn’t think it would be, actually, but there were a lot of things that had to be considered. Jack, most particularly. “I just need a little time.”

“It’s been, like, an hour,” he couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. The resolve to keep him at arms length was gone. He could see that.

She laughed lightly and shoved the coat at him, tucking it under his arm so he’d have to take it. “I would suggest you get some rest.”

“Really? Why’s that?”

“Because when the time comes, I’m going to wear you out and wring you dry.”

Every fiber of his being seemed to wake up and focus on her. “Blair...”

She kissed him lightly and pulled away, letting her hand slide down his neck. “Very soon.”

Did she know what she did to him? Todd had to believe she had some idea but, at the same time, he didn’t think she knew just how deeply and profoundly she affected him. He leaned forward and kissed the hollow of her throat. “Good night.”

Blair leaned against the door after he left. “Very soon...”


	34. Chapter 34

Not even Blair thought that ‘Very soon’ would mean two mornings later.

Jack was growing like a weed and Blair picked him up after school to get him some new shoes and clothes at Logan’s. Shopping for high school boys wasn’t that difficult. Jack’s collection of t-shirts and Henleys was varied and all they really needed was a selection that his arms didn’t stick out of awkwardly. He also needed some dress shirts for when he worked at The Sun.

Jeans, slacks and shoes were the bigger issue. As they shopped, Jack ventured to ask about Daimler Designs.

“I don’t understand how you lost it if it was yours.”

Blair sifted through racks and piles of jeans. “I didn’t _lose_ it, Jack. It was... taken away.”

He planted himself in view of her peripheral vision and she recognized the stubborn stance he took. She sighed. “I was married to Asa Buchanan about a million years ago. You know that, right?”

Jack shrugged. He knew it in the academic sense but he had never spent much time around Asa Buchanan or much of the Buchanans in general. Blair being married to an old cowboy was an abstract thought at best.

“It wasn’t a happy marriage,” Blair explained. “Not in the slightest. I didn’t marry him because I loved him or I wanted to... I married him because I had to.”

It didn’t look like Jack really understood and a strange something in Blair was happy about that. She looked at her son and almost burst into tears. She hoped he would only ever consider marriage or any kind of relationship for actual feeling rather than necessity. “Like when you and Da-- Victor got married the last time? You said that wasn’t for love.”

Blair shook her head. “We weren’t being entirely honest. We were trying not to have it be about love. It didn’t work.”

Jack raised an eyebrow but shrugged. “It wasn’t like that with Asa, though.”

“No,” Blair was happy to get back to a far less complicated situation. “Like I said, it wasn’t a happy marriage.”

“Marriages between gold diggers and the rich old men they seduce usually aren’t,” another voice cut in.

Blair guessed she should have known. For her entire life there always seemed to be someone within earshot eager to make their opinion of her heard. She wasn’t exactly expecting it to be Bo Buchanan, though.

Bo, for his part, was feeling deeply out of sorts. His own son, Matthew, was still in the hospital after what could easily be understated as a very bad year. He had wandered into the junior boys section of Logan’s for reasons he couldn’t explain except maybe to idly think about the upcoming Christmas season. His mind couldn’t help but wander down a dark path, questioning if Matthew would be out of the hospital or even awake by then.

He had intended to ignore Blair and Jack when he spotted them but when he heard his father’s name he couldn’t help himself. He had his own issues with Asa; theirs was a long and complicated relationship that he couldn’t reconcile even this long after his death. His own trouble regarding his two sons in David and Matthew mixed with his feelings regarding his father and the words were coming out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“Seduce?” The word came out of Blair’s mouth like poison; the very word in reference to his father tasted horrible. “Should have known you’d see it that way.”

“Is there another way to see it?”

“There’s always two sides to a story,” Blair said quietly. She didn’t like how she was feeling. She liked Bo butting into a conversation between she and her son even less. Something loomed over her, something she wasn’t quite sure she’d be able to control, something Bo was about to unleash just by being a Buchanan.

“You know, Blair, this vendetta you had against Pa... was it ever worth it? Wouldn’t it have been better to just call a truce and figure out a way to get along?”

Blair wondered if Bo was saying that for Jack’s benefit. Was he trying to impart some wisdom on her son right in front of her? 

_As if I’d call a truce with the man who raped me._

The words buzzed in her head and she focused on the clothing rack in front of her, sifting through the hangers without really seeing anything.

It took a moment for her to realize that Jack and Bo were both staring at her with mouths agape. It took another moment for Blair to realize that the words that were buzzing in her head had actually come out of her mouth.

“What the hell did you just say?” Bo demanded.

Blair seized Jack by the sleeve of his shirt. “Come on, Jack. We have to go.”

Jack offered no resistance. He took in his mother’s pale countenance along with the words that seemed to come unbidden out of her about Asa Buchanan and knew that a storm had just hit. He kept looking over his shoulder to keep tabs on Bo. He didn’t think the Police Commissioner would do anything but Jack had only one thing on his mind at that moment: protect his mother.

When they were in the car, Blair pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes. “Oh, I shouldn’t have said that, I shouldn’t have said, I shouldn’t have said that.” she chanted.

“Mom?” Jack said hesitantly. “Mom, are you okay?”

“Sure!” Blair replied brightly. She glanced at her son mournfully. “I... I’m not sure what to say right now.”

“Is it true?” Jack asked. “What you said about Asa?”

Blair gripped the steering wheel. She hadn’t turned the car on yet but she didn’t really know what to do with herself at the moment. “Yes,” she whispered.

Jack felt like he had been punched in the stomach. “Does anyone know?”

“Well, you and Bo know now,” Blair sighed. “I’ve got to get you home, Jack. I’ve got to get to your father and tell him... he needs to hear it from me.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Jack remembered the conversation he had with Starr. The way Starr said that their Mom just buried the bad things and kept on going. He knew how much Starr had let Cole get away with because of what their father had done to his mother... clearly, Cole never knew that Blair had a similar history. Apparently, Starr didn’t even know.

For once, Jack wasn’t happy to know something first.

“It’s a long, complicated story, honey,” Blair told him as they headed back to Dorian’s. “I’ve just got to do some damage control here, okay? I’m sorry...”

“Don’t be sorry, Mom.” Jack didn’t want to hear his mother apologize for being raped or actually saying it out loud. He hoped Todd wouldn’t be angry at her for not telling him about this.

He hoped his Mom would be all right.

==============================================

Blair called The Sun and found that Todd had left a little early and was headed to Llanfair as his first stop. She could only hope she’d get there in time. She had to assume that Bo ran right to Clint with this information... probably stopping to get Nora in on it. Logistically speaking, Bo was probably going to beat her to Llanfair but not by much.

If he was still spilling all to Clint, then she could get to Todd first and he wouldn’t be blindsided by this sort of news from the worst people he could hear it from.

_At least it’s not Max spilling the beans this time_ , she told herself with a humorless grin. _Nice, Blair, focus on that. You sound ridiculous even to yourself_. She was still mystified at how this had come out at all. Was it Todd unearthing Daimler Designs that had unearthed the rest of it as well? Her hatred for Asa was well known but no one really knew why. They all assumed that it was because he had dumped her without any kind of settlement which no one thought she deserved because she had been a cheating gold-digger anyway.

None of them knew the real story. None of them wanted to know. They just wanted her to be the Jezebel and so she was. She knew none of them cared and she knew that trying to prove otherwise was pointless.

There was a reason she hated this town until Todd came along.

Bo’s car was, indeed, in the driveway as Blair expected. She whipped around the circular driveway so her own car was ready for a quick getaway and hopped out. She didn’t even bother to knock and when she entered the foyer, nearly catching a faceful of forsythia from the floral arrangement on the table that was slightly off center, she heard voices in the library.

Listening, she could pick out Bo’s voice, somewhat subdued, and Clint’s, stormier and louder, although she couldn’t make out the words from behind the thick oak doors. Hoping Todd was upstairs, she ran up them and realized she had no idea where his room was.

She couldn’t even remember being in this part of the house. She’d only ever been in the library or the living room. She wasn’t ever a truly welcomed guest after all.

She peeked in open doors until she heard movement in one room at the end of the hall. Following her instincts, she opened the door and walked in.

Todd was finishing buttoning a shirt. He looked up, surprise evident on his face before smiling. “Hey! I wasn’t expecting to see you here! I was just about to head over to Dorian’s.” He noted the wan expression on her face. “What’s wrong?”

“I need to tell you before you hear it from someone else,” Blair said. “It’s something I’ve never talked about and it just came out today. I didn’t even mean for it to come out...” she trailed off, her gaze drifting away. She felt so far removed from herself at the moment, like she was standing apart from her own body and watching a play.

Todd found her scattered demeanor unsettling. “Blair,” he reached forward and touched her arm. “What is it?”

“Asa raped me while we were married,” she said bluntly. That raging gleam sparked in his eyes immediately and she realized he might have misunderstood the time frame. “While I was married to Asa, that is, not while I was married to you. I just realized that might have gotten confusing.”

Of all the things he was expecting to hear, that was the last. Todd stood there in shocked silence that gave way to a cold anger. “He did _what_?”

She sighed. “You heard me.”

“You’re just telling me this _now_?!”

“It didn’t matter, Todd.”

 

“Didn’t matter?!” He sputtered. _How could it not matter? Blair raped? And she never said anything about it for how many years now_? “I don’t even know what to _say_ to that!”

She shrugged lightly.

Todd was alarmed by her blase attitude about it all. It was as if she was removed from the whole thing. He felt sick to his stomach at the mere thought of Asa forcing Blair into anything. “No wonder you hated him so much.”

“I know, right?” She smiled a weird, humorless smile. “No one ever seemed to put that together. Probably because no one cared.”

“Okay, okay,” Todd shook his head trying to piece it all together. “You said it came out... to who?”

“To Bo,” she replied serenely. “He’s probably already told the family about it. I heard their voices when I came upstairs. I didn’t want you to hear it from _them_...”

Todd was on his feet, thundering down the stairs before Blair could even blink. She was quick to follow, catching up to him as he burst through the doors to the library like a rampaging bull. He scanned the room and focused quickly on Bo and Clint. “Fuck you!” He bellowed pointing at Clint and then did the same to Bo. “And fuck you, too!”

“Todd!” Viki’s hands flew to her face in horror. “What on earth!”

Todd shot Viki a murderous look. “Do not try your Viki crap right now,” he told her. “This does not get smoothed over. No way in hell!”

“So she told you, too?” Clint remarked cynically from his wheelchair, his eyes flicking over to Blair in the doorway.. “How convenient.”

“Just because you’re a fucking invalid doesn’t mean I won’t beat the shit out of you, Clint,” Todd said savagely. “You watch your mouth.”

“Look, Todd,” Cord stepped up. “We’re just trying to figure this out, okay.”

“I can’t be the only one who finds the timing of all of this rather suspect,” Clint pressed. “Why now? I handed over everything for Daimler Designs so you got that back. This accusation is just... ridiculous.”

“No it isn’t,” Blair replied softly. “It wouldn’t have come out at all of Bo hadn’t shot his mouth off in front of my son. And, truthfully, I didn’t even realize I had said it out loud. And how is the timing suspect? Todd got my company back... I’d given up on it years ago and I sure as hell wasn’t going to come begging to your family for what was mine. If any of you had a decent bone in your body, you’d have returned that to me ages ago.”

“Is that so?” Bo’s question with laced with fatigued irritation, it was a common tone he used with Blair.

“I gave you Spencer Truman when none of you could get the goods on him,” Blair reminded him. “I handed him over to you on a silver platter because you couldn’t get it done yourself. When I begged for help against Margaret Cochrane you did nothing. And you were too late when it came to the car, too. I had to get myself out of that car before the crusher came down. Where were you? Twiddling your thumbs while that piece of filth you called a father had me shoved into a straitjacket, drugged and thrown into a padded room!”

Todd’s eyes widened at that particular revelation. In one swift movement, he grabbed a glass off the bar and hurled it at Bo’s head. It streaked past him and clattered loudly against the desk that it did hit. “Be thankful I wasn’t a quarterback.”

“Manning,” Bo’s voice hardened as he reached into his jacket pocket, “you just earned yourself...”

“If you pull that badge out of your pocket, Bo,” Blair’s voice went steely cold, “I will shove it up your ass sideways. You Buchanans pride yourselves on being able to take on all comers but _you_ can’t seem to handle anything without whipping that impotent little piece of tin out as if it has ever meant anything except a way to protect your miserably corrupt family!”

“Girls,” Viki moved to where Natalie and Jessica were standing, clutching each other’s hands, “maybe you should go upstairs.”

“No,” Jessica said firmly. “I want to hear this.”

“So do I,” Natalie nodded. “Secrets have never worked out for this family too well.”

For the first time, Todd took note of who else was in the library. It seemed to be a full house. Tina and Cord were standing together towards the back of the room. Clint, Bo and Nora were all gathered together. Viki hovered near Jessica and Natalie. For as many people as there were, the silence in the room was overwhelming.

“Do you all think I’m lying?” Blair asked.

There was a deeply awkward silence.

“You can say it,” she said. “Go ahead. Say it out loud. You think I’m lying.”

“You have to admit that you have a casual relationship with the truth, Blair,” Clint said gruffly.

“I suppose you could say that,” she nodded. “If you don’t know the whole story. In actuality, my relationship with the truth has been anything _but_ casual. I don’t suppose you all can appreciate that, up-standing truth-tellers that everyone else in this room is.”

“Look,” Clint shifted in his wheelchair. “It’s hardly a secret that you married Pa for his money and you lied about being pregnant for his money as well. You were found out, end of story. Coming into it this late in the game with a rape accusation is...”

“Is what?” Blair asked. “Inconvenient? Silly? Pointless? You are stripping everything away to it’s simplest and most shallow explanations.” Blair looked around the room and decided to let it all out at last. She would explain everything, hold nothing back, and let the chips fall as they may. She took a deep breath. “I married Asa to keep my mother. You see, Dorian and I were actually enemies at the time if you all would take the time to remember. She decided that I was unfit to care for my mother which I thought was rich since Dorian didn’t even know that Mama was alive until I brought her into town. I was the one who found her in that filthy, lice-ridden hole where she had spent about thirty years of her life... neglected, abused and forgotten. Did I marry your father for his money? Yes, that was part of it. But I had been proposed to right before Asa came to me... by Max. Max asked me to marry him and I said yes.

“You all think I dumped Max because Asa was rich,” she closed her eyes, remembering and shaking her head. “Asa came to me and said if I married him he’d help me keep Dorian away from Mama. He’d make sure that Dorian never got her hands on my mother and take her away from me. He didn’t love me and I sure as hell didn’t love him but I would do anything to take care of my mother so I agreed to marry him. I thought it was a pure business deal. I didn’t know what he actually intended to get out of it. Not until later.”

The expressions on the other faces in the room were beginning to shift towards discomfort.

“I was meant to be a broodmare. That was my role.”

Nora cast a glance at Bo, who met it with a resigned look. The truth in Blair’s words was uncomfortably real.

“I played my part in front of his colleagues,” she continued. “He’d buy skin-tight dresses and parade me around in front of them like some expensive whore... showing off what they clearly assumed was his virility in being able to keep a ‘young filly’ like me,” Blair raised her hands to toss the air-quotes in, ‘satisfied. He never wanted me to partake in anything except standing there and looking pretty. I imagine if one of those so-called friends had something he wanted he would have gladly sent me into their bed to play my part there. Or tried to anyway. We all know how fond Asa was of the oldest profession, don’t we?

“Well, he told me enough time had passed and he expected me to keep up my end of things. I didn’t even know what he was talking about. He said it was time to start making a new generation of Buchanans.” Blair felt her skin grow cold. There was a reason she shut down these memories. They were painful and humiliating. She had never gone the easy route regarding sex and she could have done so easily. To be viewed as nothing but a cheap whore despite that... and by these people who had no right to judge her... “I about threw up in my mouth. Just the idea... it made me sick....

“I put him off for another two weeks, sleeping in Mama’s room, telling him she needed time to adjust, saying it was that time of the month... _anything_ to keep him out of my bed. One night he drank a little too much bourbon... he came stumbling up the stairs and kicked my door in bellowing that he was going to take what was his no matter what.”

A long silence followed.

“I fought him the first night,” Blair said softly. “He pressed his forearm against my throat and plowed ahead anyway. I could barely even breathe... When he was done, quickly thank God, he had the nerve to ask me if I was all right. As if he cared. As if he gave one damn about me. What a joke. After that... I didn’t fight, I just lay there as he went about his business. I didn’t even look at him whenever he’d stumble in. I turned my head away and stared at the wall. I took my birth control pills every day and when he got upset at how long it was taking me to conceive I lied and said I had.”

She leaned down to get Clint to look her in the eyes. “I didn’t fake a pregnancy for his money, Clint. I faked a pregnancy to keep him from climbing on top of me every night. I faked a pregnancy to keep him from shoving his withered old cock into me without prelude. I faked a pregnancy to keep him _off_ of me!”

Todd looked around the room, taking in the horrified faces of everyone and knew that they believed her. Listening to Blair was chilling. Her voice shifted from pure, unadulterated hate to an emotionless drone. He never understood exactly why Blair hated Asa for all those years in a way she didn’t hate anyone else. Now, he understood. It made him furious and sick and desperately sad.

“But then I took that fall down the stairs and I was found out,” Blair closed her eyes. “I had _almost_ convinced him that I’d had a hysterical pregnancy but he was suspicious and he went behind my back and conspired with Dorian to have Mama committed to St. Annes. That was the end... there was no way I was going to pretend anymore. I lit into him and he started with the heart attack.” Blair barked a humorless laugh. “Like it was so shocking that I hated him... his ego was astounding. I didn’t try to kill him. I just didn’t help him. I threw my birth control pills at him and said I’d rather slit my own throat than submit to him again and walked out.

“I was never unfaithful to him while we were married,” for some reason, Blair wanted to make that clear. That for all of the humiliation Asa had piled on her, she hadn’t strayed while they were married. “Not that it mattered; he just paid someone off to say I was. I didn’t fulfill a bargain that I never made and he took everything from me out of revenge for not falling in line like the rest of his women. And while I was living in hell with that disgusting old man, the man I actually loved fell in love with another. Asa and Dorian made sure I was banned from any access to my mother.” Blair choked up. “Everything I did to free her from that pit she was in, to keep her safe, and they wouldn’t even let me say good-bye.”

A long silence stretched out across the room. No one seemed to know what to say or what to do in response to Blair’s tale. “Why didn’t you say anything before?” Nora asked finally.

“Don’t pretend like any of you would have listened to me for a second,” Blair said shrilly. “None of you cared. I was a gold-digging slut, remember? I got caught faking a pregnancy for a big pay-off as far as any of you cared. Hell, Tina came dancing up to Todd to tell him all about how I faked being pregnant in order to get Asa’s money. And Todd went running right back to Asa to get the goods from him. I know you got a different story from him on what happened in that sham of a marriage.” She glanced at Todd with a knowing look.

“So why now?” Clint questioned again.

“Because Bo shot his mouth off one too many times,” Blair replied. “He decided to air my dirty laundry at my son the way he and the rest of you have always felt was your God-given right. After everything...” she shook her head. “You all think you’re so much better than me. How nice it must be to walk around secure that a piece of trash like me exists to make you all feel so much better about yourselves. It’s really hilarious when you think about it. Your old man,” she nodded at Clint and Bo, “was just a bully. And a rapist. Imagine that.”

“This is ridiculous,” Clint said gruffly. “An aging tramp who decides to wait almost twenty years to slander my father is not worth listening to!” He wheeled his chair towards Blair, attempting to get her to move.

Blair didn’t move an inch. She leaned down and grabbed Clint’s jaw in one hand, squeezing tight and digging her fingernails into his flesh as she forced his face towards her. “Your father raped me. He saw me as nothing but property and he raped me. And then he complained that his nightly rapes weren’t getting the job done as quickly as he wanted.” She let go and stepped back glaring at him.

As she did, she backed into Todd who had moved behind her as she talked. He reached down to clasp her hand in one of his, still standing behind her.

“Rape is about power,” Blair continued. “And Asa had power over me. He held my mother over my head and the threat of her being taken away from me after everything I had gone through to find her. He wasn’t the first man to paw at me because he had power over me. Not by a longshot... and back then I had to figure out a way to get some shred of power to hold onto to protect myself.” She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. “None of you knows what it’s like to be alone, to have no one on your side. I remember when people would talk about how brave Marty was to come forward after she was raped.”

Todd felt Blair squeeze his hand as she spoke.

“I thought the same thing,” she went on. “And it’s true, she was brave to come forward. She was right to do it. Some people didn’t believe her,” she nodded at Nora. “But she still had people who _did_ believe her, who were on her side, who stood by her and helped her through it. With me...” Blair faltered for a moment. “With Asa, I was alone. There was no one who would step forward and listen to me. No one was going to stand with me. Ask yourselves, honestly, would any of you have thought I was telling the truth?”

She looked at them.

“Hell, some of you don’t believe me right now.”

“Is that what this is about, Blair?” Nora asked. “Being brave? Asa’s dead...”

“This isn’t about bravery,” Blair’s voice rose. “It’s about the _truth_! Something that _you’re_ supposed to believe in and fight for! And the _truth_ is that I’m tired of you all walking around acting like I hurt Asa; like I was some devil woman who tricked him into marriage so I could spend all of his money; thinking that I faked a pregnancy in order to set myself up as the lady of the house. That isn’t what happened and for twenty years I let you all believe that about me because _none of you cared_!”

Todd found his anger taking a backseat to his growing admiration for Blair. She hated to be vulnerable which was probably why she had never fought against the Buchanans about what Asa did all those years ago. She hated to be weak but in telling them the truth she was letting that infamous armor down.

He felt a growing sense of pride as she stood there and faced them all down. He glanced around the room. Tina had a strangely neutral expression on her face. Cord’s dark countenance suggested that he was going over things in his head and putting them together for a conclusion he didn’t want to come to. Jessica and Natalie wore matching expressions of horror. They clearly believed Blair. Viki seemed resigned as well.

Bo and Nora didn’t seem to want to believe what Blair said but they also didn’t seem to have anything concrete to throw back at her. The only true skeptic that Todd could see was Clint.

“You fancy yourself the new Asa now, don’t you, Clint? You’ve got the heart problems, you’ve started meddling in the lives of your family and causing more pain and misery with your bullshit than what might have happened if you left it all alone. From what I’ve heard you actually _like_ your little ex-stripper ex-wife. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and guessing you didn’t force yourself on her like your Pa did me. When it comes down to it, you’re really just the low-rent, PG version of your disgusting old man.”

“And I’m still wondering what you get out of all of this, Blair,” Clint replied.

She shrugged. “The truth will set you free, isn’t that what they say? I don’t know about anyone else but I sure as hell feel free right now.” Blair tossed her head and swept out of the room.

“Blair,” Todd followed her, leaving his sisters and the Buchanans behind. He recognized the false bravado in her voice and wondered what was coming next. She was already through the foyer and out the front door. “Blair?”

She didn’t even hesitate but got immediately into her car and started it up. Todd jumped in after her.

“That was amazing,” he said as she peeled out of the driveway. “I mean, they had nothing to come back with! Absolutely amazing...” She remained silent and Todd decided to let her be for the moment. When they got back to Dorian’s they could hash it all out. He sat back to enjoy the ride and the thought of Blair ripping the Buchanan clan to shreds.

It had been something to see.

It took several minutes for Todd to realize that they weren’t going towards Dorian’s. They were actually headed out of town towards the mountains. And the further they went, the more erratic Blair’s driving became.

“Blair...” Todd grabbed the handle above the door as she took a swerve far too fast for his liking. “Blair!”

“What?”

He looked over at her. Her face was white and her hands gripped the steering wheel so hard he thought it might come off in her hands. She stared ahead but Todd couldn’t be certain she was really seeing much. “Blair, where are you going?”

She didn’t answer.

“Blair!” He shouted. “Where are you going?”

She blinked. “I don’t know.”

“Pull the car over,” his voice rose in growing panic of her driving. “Pull the car over now!”

She swerved sharply onto a shoulder and got out abruptly. Todd double-checked to make sure the car was in park and the emergency brake was on before getting out at well. Blair was pacing like a caged animal in front of the headlights her breath coming in short gasps. Suddenly she stopped and let out a raging scream.

Todd started, then took a step forward when she stopped.

She screamed again, louder this time if it were possible.

Todd closed the distance between them, grabbing her around the waist when he reached her. She screamed again, doubling over as he held her, and two more times after that, pure rage spilling out of her until her voice was raw.

Then she leaned heavily against him and panted heavily. “I think I’m going to throw up.”

Blair scrambled over to the guard rail and heaved over it. Todd followed and held her hair, rubbing her back in what he hoped was a soothing way before she sagged over the rail, utterly spent.

Todd reached forward to turn her around, tucking her under his arm as he seated them both on the guard rail. “How do you feel?”

“Like I just expelled about thirty years worth of poison from my system,” she replied wearily, leaning against him.

They sat quietly for a moment and Todd watched their breaths turn to vapor in front of them on the cold night. “Are we on Llantano Mountain?”

Blair looked around. “Oh. We’re on the road to the cabin.”

“What cabin?”

“Our cabin.”

“We have a cabin?”

“We started the plans for it when Jack was a baby, remember?” Blair got up and headed back to the car.

“Vaguely.”

“Get in,” Blair got behind the wheel again.

“Are you sure you should be driving?”

“You don’t know how to get there and I’m fine.” Blair disengaged the emergency brake and put the car in gear again. This time, she drove at a measured pace and within the hour they were pulling up in front of the cabin. “We’ll call the kids,” Blair said. “I can’t go home in this state. Cassie’s there so it should all be okay.”

She unlocked the door and turned on the lights before dropping her purse and keys on the floor and sitting heavily on the couch in front of the fireplace.

Todd closed the door and locked it and then looked around. The place was done in an Arts and Crafts style and looked infinitely more stylish than Viki’s kitschy cabin or Asa’s antler bedecked one. He roamed around the front room and found a collection of liquor bottles. He poured two fingers of Scotch into two glasses and sat down on the coffee table in front of Blair. He handed her one glass and clinked it lightly before taking a sip.

Blair took a drink as well and then sighed. “Todd,” she said wearily, her voice raw from the screaming and the vomiting. The Scotch probably didn’t help, either. “I’m so broken.”

He leaned forward, touching his forehead to hers. “You’re perfect.”

=========================================

Llanfair was quiet after Todd and Blair left. The various members of the family whispered quietly to each other trying to figure out exactly what had happened. Cord stepped forward. “Can someone tell me something?”

All eyes focused on him.

“When Blair was talking about being married to Asa and the way he’d... parade her around... I want to know if that happened. I wasn’t around then,” he shot a mournful look towards Tina. “That’s when I was missing. Does anyone remember what that marriage was like?”

“You’re not actually giving credence to anything that woman says?” Clint raged. “She married Pa for his money plain and simple! So he bought her expensive dresses and showed her off in them, she enjoyed it!”

Viki, Jessica and Natalie all spoke up at the same time.

“Oh, Clint, _really_!!”

“Dad, how can you even say that?!”

“What a load of crap!”

Clint threw his hands up in the air.

“This isn’t like you and your little Kimberly,” Natalie continued. “Just because you like your gold-digging tramp doesn’t mean it was that way with Grampa and Blair.”

“Grampa hated Blair,” Jessica nodded. “He did lock her in an insane asylum, I remember that. Her kids thought she was dead and he knew that but he locked her away anyway.”

“That’s because she tried to kill him when they were married,” Clint reminded her. “Before that...”

“Before that what?” Cord asked. “You tell me. You and Bo... you were here. Viki? Do you remember?”

“We weren’t on the best of terms with Pa at the time, Cord,” Bo said quietly. “To be honest, after Renee divorced him I wasn’t much interested in anything he was doing. We were all in a place of mutual estrangement.”

“She hated him,” Tina spoke up.

All eyes turned to her.

“She hated him with everything in her,” she continued. “She hated the clothes he bought her and she hated the way he’d... parade her, that’s how she put it and she was exactly right.”

“You remember this?” Cord asked.

“I hated her,” Tina nodded. “I blamed her for losing you and I used to watch her with Asa and I could tell how miserable she was. I fed off of it. It actually helped me get through some hard times without you.”

Cord smiled slightly. No one would ever accuse Tina of being too charitable.

“And those dresses?” Tina laughed. “You better believe she despised those. Asa had absolutely no sense of style and Blair, whatever else you can say about her, does. So she’s in swathed head to toe in the tackiest Texas couture imaginable and her face said it all.” She glanced around the room. “But no one was ever looking at her face back then. Especially not in those outfits. Face it, what Blair just told us was the truth. All of it. Everyone in this room loved Asa but let’s not kid ourselves about who he was. He had his favorites,” he pointed at Jessica and Viki and Nora. “But if you didn’t fall under that particular category then he’d do whatever he decided was necessary to get what he wanted.”

Tina looked at everyone again. “And let’s be real, other than Cord, no one in this room has ever given two craps about anything Blair’s gone through in her life.”

“That’s not true,” Viki insisted.

Tina rolled her eyes. “Your interest in Blair begins and ends with Todd. You don’t care about Blair herself. Neither do I. Neither does anyone else except Cord because he actually did love her at one time. This denial is about the fact that we all know what Asa was capable of but no one cared enough about Blair to ever acknowledge it.”

Cord stepped forward and reached one hand out to Tina. Surprised, she took it and looked at him questioningly. He didn’t say anything but he smiled gently at her and quietly escorted her from the room.

“He’s walking right into another trainwreck,” Clint muttered when they left.

“Oh for God’s sake,” Natalie scowled. “You’ve got some nerve considering you’re still hanging around your stripper!” She turned on her heel, red hair flying, and stormed out. Jessica followed suit and the twins stomping upstairs could be heard throughout the house.

Viki excused herself as well, saying goodnight to Bo and Nora as they also gathered their things to leave.

Clint was left in the library as Nigel came in to clean up.

“I imagine you heard all of that,” Clint asked the butler.

“Yes,” he replied shortly. “I arranged myself in order to hear the proceedings.”

“So what did you think of it all?”

“Sir?”

Clint sighed. “Was Blair telling the truth?”

“I would say so, Sir.”

Clint didn’t know how to respond to that.

“It was not a relationship based on anything good, Sir,” Nigel continued. “All of his other relationships, all of his other women... they gave in. But Ms. Blair never did. Mister Buchanan wanted to break her much like he did with anyone he didn’t agree with. He did everything he could think of to break her. But he never did. I would say that if there was one thing he failed at, it was that.”


	35. Chapter 35

“Perfect?” Blair rasped. “In what universe?”

“This one,” Todd said quietly. “You’re not broken. Asa didn’t get the better of you. You outlived him and you finally outed him, too. You _are_ perfect, Blair Cramer. You’re perfect to me.”

“Perfect doesn’t feel so hot, Todd.”

“Yeah, well, let it sink in.” He leaned back and picked up his phone. “I’ll call Starr and let her know we’re staying here tonight.”

Blair nodded quietly and let her head fall back onto the couch as Todd moved away and spoke in hushed tones. She heard him repeat ‘Everything’s fine’ several times. Starr would, of course, have doubts given Todd’s hushed tone of voice. If he yelled or made some ridiculous joke, Starr would probably have accepted things just fine. As it was, she’d know something was wrong.

Maybe Jack would tell her.

Blair considered that and decided that if her children managed to put aside their continuous sibling rivalry to figure out what was going on with her, maybe she hadn’t done such a bad job after all.

Todd returned to the couch. “Starr’s nosy,” he sighed, gathering Blair in his arms and cuddling her against him.

Blair smiled ruefully, it was all she had energy for at the moment and she was trying to store some up for the confrontation she knew was coming. As good as it felt to be in Todd’s arms right at that moment, he was going to ask the inevitable question and she would finally have to say the things that had long needed saying. At least now, she was coming from a place where her own experiences couldn’t be questioned. Still, she wasn’t looking forward to it. She was so raw from revealing this long held secret that she wasn’t going to be able to censor herself and Todd had already been through so much.

Maybe he’d just hold her, and stroke her hair, and tell her he was there. Maybe he wouldn’t ask...

“Why didn’t you tell me about this before?”

Of course, he would ask. To expect him not to was to expect him to be someone else.

And she didn’t want him to be someone else.

Blair pushed herself out of his arms reluctantly and scooted back on the couch to put enough distance between them to look into his eyes. “How much time you got?”

========================================

“Mom and Dad are up at the cabin,” Starr hung up the phone. “Dad was being all quiet and weird. Something’s going on. I know it is.”

Cassie was pulling a casserole out of the oven. Sam was telling Hope that they were having a ‘Cassie-role’ for dinner because Aunt Cassie had invented them. Hope was suitably impressed.

Cassie glanced at Starr as she set the dish on the counter to cool slightly. “What did he say?”

“He said that everything was fine about a million times.”

“You think he’s lying?”

Starr frowned. “Well... maybe not lying exactly. Maybe more exaggerating to put my mind at ease.”

Jack knew it had to be about Blair’s revelation from earlier. He glanced at Sam and Hope and knew he couldn’t say anything in front of them. What could he do? Just announce that his mother had been raped in front of them? They didn’t know what it meant and Sam would start asking questions.

Cassie dished everyone up and Jack pushed the food around on his plate listlessly. It smelled delicious and his stomach was growling so he took a bite. It was every bit as delicious as he was hoping but his mind kept drifting to his mother. “How long ago was Mom married to that Asa guy?”

Cassie looked vaguely surprised at his question. “Long before you were born, Jack.”

“I know that,” he pushed his casserole around some more. “Before she met Todd?”

“Yes, long before,” Cassie nodded. “Asa was back... well, it was the first time she came to town. She left after the marriage ended and was gone for about a year or so before she came back. And it was another year or so before she met your dad.” 

Starr watched the exchange with narrowed eyes. “Do you know something?”

Jack met his sister’s suspicious gaze and sent a significant look towards the younger children.

It didn’t seem to alleviate any of Starr’s trepidations. Her face reddened and her eyes widened. If there was something Jack didn’t want to say in front of Sam and Hope then it was something important, something serious. That combined with her Dad’s hushed tones on the phone made her acutely worried about what was going on. Especially since she didn’t have the foggiest idea what the problem was.

Starr didn’t like not knowing things.

“If your father says everything’s fine,” Cassie said calmly, taking in the Manning siblings with a wise eye, “then we’re going to take him at his word. He said they’d be back in the morning?”

Starr nodded.

“Then that’s what will happen,” Cassie assured them. They could talk things out later when the younger ones were in bed. Until then, she just had to be the calming influence.

Which was tricky enough with these two without throwing in uncertainty about their parents into the mix.

===========================================

“When _should_ I have told you about Asa?”

Todd frowned. “What? I don’t know! Sooner than this!”

“Yeah,” Blair was deeply skeptical. “Not when we first met. Not when we were getting to know each other. There was no point in there when it would have been a good idea to whine about my marital rape to my friend. I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell you about it when we were first married.”

“Why not?”

“I’m sure I don’t need to point out to you that you’ve got serious issues when it comes to sex,” Blair said matter of factly.

“No,” Todd replied ruefully, he knew he had them but it bothered him when Blair brought it up. He didn’t like the idea of her thinking of him that way.

“It was hard enough to get you into bed sometimes,” Blair remembered. “If you knew I’d been raped... please, you would have run so far, so fast.”

Todd shook his head. “No... I wouldn’t have.”

“You probably would have told yourself you were protecting me.”

Todd scowled fiercely.

Blair’s weary, wry smile was the response to that. “You know I’m right.”

“I could have helped you... maybe,” Todd tried feebly. He really didn’t know what to say to all of this. She probably was right about distancing himself from her if he knew she had been a rape victim, too. But another part of him couldn’t believe that anything would have kept him away from her. She was _Blair_. She was _his_. He believed down to his soul that they were meant to be.

“Anyway, Asa was my problem, not yours,” Blair reminded him. “And given your weird relationship with Marty there was no way I was going to tell you about Asa. I hated him. End of story.”

_Weird relationship?_ Todd knew that Blair had always resented Marty and a lot of that was based on his relationship with her but she was definitely putting it forward as a negative thing. “You know,” he said carefully. “There’s nothing wrong with my being sorry for what I did to Marty. Most people would think that my being sorry about it is a _good_ thing. That’s not weird.”

“It’s not weird to be sorry,” Blair agreed. “It _is_ weird to be so involved in your rape victim’s life that you’re willing to give up anything to show her how sorry you are. It’s even weirder how involved she was in your life.”

“God, you’re still pissed off about Ireland...”

“Aren’t you?” Blair asked. “Seriously, aren’t you a little angry at how things went down? Have you ever, _once_ , been angry that Marty asked you to stay and take care of Patrick for her? You missed Starr’s birth, Todd. Doesn’t that make you angry? It sure as fuck makes me angry! But you won’t _allow_ yourself to be angry at her because you got angry once and did this horrible thing to her! You can’t have an honest emotion about her because that!”

“This... shouldn’t be about Marty.”

“Why not?” Blair demanded. “You want to know why I didn’t tell you about Asa? You don’t think that your over-involved relationship with Marty is a huge part of that? You don’t think I never said anything to you about it because I didn’t want you looking at me like you do her? As nothing more than a rape victim?”

“I don’t see you as that, Blair,” Todd assured her.

“Give it time,” she replied sharply.

Todd stared at her for a moment and then pushed himself off the couch. He moved over to the fireplace and leaned his hand on the mantle. “You’ve been holding this in for so long.”

“It’s not as bad as you make it sound.”

“You said yourself that you felt like you had purged thirty years worth of poison from your system.”

“That was less about what Asa did to me and far more about everyone else... and all the shit I’ve swallowed from them over the years,” Blair shrugged. “What Asa did doesn’t rule my life, Todd. I rarely even think about it.”

“How is that even _possible_?” Todd turned to face her. “Rape is one of the worst things a woman can go through...”

“There are worse things,” Blair replied quietly.

The steady gaze made Todd shut his mouth with a snap. _That was the worst thing you ever did to me, Todd._

_That was the worst thing I ever did to you._

Blair had suffered through losing children in the most violent of circumstances. To her, that was far worse than anything Asa had done. And he had taken Jack from her arms, told her that her baby was dead and tried to hand him off to anyone he could find at an airport. What was Asa’s rape compared to that? At least Asa had never told her he loved her.

“If I had told you about Asa,” Blair said quietly. “You probably would have used it against me later.”

“Blair...”

“You used everything else,” she pointed out. “There was never a limit to the things you would use against me when you wanted to hurt me. Why would this be any different? Because it was rape? And you have limits?”

Todd couldn’t really argue against it. He could stand there and swear that he’d never use Blair’s rape against her but he had used everything else. When he was raging at her, he didn’t think about the real ramifications and it was probably only Blair’s own staunch defenses that kept him from getting it. She never let him see how much he had hurt her. The one time she did let down those defences he had walked away from her, left her crying on that park bench while he returned to Tea.

Why the hell would she ever have trusted him with _anything_ about herself?

Tea stomped all over town announcing his impotence to anyone with ears. Blair kept their issues between them and he had repaid that discretion by... he shook his head. If he kept thinking about how he had wronged Blair, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.

“Asa should have done right by you,” he said, instead.

“Why?” Blair asked. “He probably didn’t even think he did anything wrong. Why would he attempt to ‘do right’ by me? It was enough that he stayed away from me for the most part.”

“What he did _was_ wrong!”

“And I hated him for it,” Blair replied. “I hated him for that, for going behind my back and conspiring with Dorian, I hated him for paying off some guy to say I had cheated so he wouldn’t have to give me a settlement. I hated him for _everything_. For paying off Max to seduce me in a god damned wine cellar... for playing games with shares of The Sun that I had more than earned in helping you get the hell out of town because you allowed him the opportunity to buy them... for locking me up in a mental institution instead of letting me come home to my children...” She glared into space, her jaw twitching. “I hated him and that’s all there was to it.”

“He had no right to do any of that.”

“No, he didn’t,” Blair agreed. “But it would have been so much worse to have him at my door acting like he was so sorry while he was still hurting me or the people I loved. There’s no confusion. I hated Asa and he hated me. End of story. It was easy to move on from the rape. I had moved on by the time I walked out that door. None of this sick push and pull and over involvement and talk of eternal debts. Hell, that’s worse.”

“How?” Todd demanded. “How is it worse to actually be sorry and try to show that?”

“You raped Marty and watched while two of your friends did it, too,” Blair said. “Do you really think that having you constantly hanging around, hovering over her shoulder, declaring yourself her protector helped her move past that? Because it sure as hell didn’t help _you_!”

================================================

“Okay, Jack, what do you know?” Starr demanded.

The younger ones were safely asleep and Starr, Cassie and Jack and retired to the living room to discuss what couldn’t be discussed before.

Jack felt miserable. This was a horrible thing to have to talk about. For as long as he could remember, rape hovered over their house like a black cloud. Marty Saybrooke and Margaret Cochrane were two spectres that never seemed to be purged and now he was going to add to that. He totally understood why his mother had never talked about it before... because it got talked about too damn much already and it never seemed to be put to rest.

“Mom and I ran into Bo Buchanan at Logan’s,” he began. “I was asking her about Asa and her jewelry business and he overheard some of it. He was kind of snippy and Mom...”

“Mom what?” Starr pressed.

There was no other way to go about it. Jack just went for it and decided they could figure out what the fallout was going to be. “Mom said that Asa raped her when they were married.”

Starr’s eyes bulged out and her jaw dropped in shock. Cassie’s face hardened then turned thoughtful.

A series of exclamations of shock and horror seemed to bubble out of Starr like a fountain. She got up, pacing around the room as she spoke in truncated sentences as she tried to piece together the fragments of her own life and awareness of Asa with this new information. For Starr, it wasn’t computing exactly right. The majority of her exposure to Asa Buchanan had been when she lived in his mansion with Blair and Max.

She had liked Asa. Asa even seemed to like her. Asa never liked her mother but Starr hadn’t ever cared about that much because she enjoyed what she enjoyed and that was all there was to it.

“This,” Cassie said softly, “is strangely unsurprising.”

“How can you say that?” Starr asked. “We lived in Asa’s mansion! Why would Mom put herself anywhere near that man after something like that?”

“She was scamming him with Max at the time,” Cassie remembered. “Your mother wouldn’t have any problem sharing space with a man she hated if she was screwing him over in some way. But that’s not even the real issue for me. This actually fills in some holes from all those years ago. I’m going to have to talk to her when she gets back tomorrow and fill in the rest.”

“How can you be so calm about this?!” Starr was near tears.

Cassie stood up and hugged Starr. “Your mother is a survivor,” she said to both Starr and to Jack. “She has held this in for a long time. I’m calm because... as horrible as this must have been, you can see that it didn’t break her. She’s strong and she always has been.”

She looked at Jack. “Are you okay?”

Jack shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Cassie sat down on the couch and draped her arm over his shoulders. “You can talk to me, Jack. It must have been a shock to hear.”

“It’s just the weirdest thing... to hear something like that about your Mom. To hear it from her.”

“Imagine how Cole felt,” Starr piped up. She wasn’t sure exactly why she said it. It was probably because Marty Saybrooke’s history with her father and with Victor and Cole’s feelings about it all had been prevalent in her life for so long. If rape was brought up, she automatically thought of Marty. That was just how it worked.

It wasn’t difficult to see that it was the exact wrong thing to say.

“I am so sick of hearing about that stupid family,” Jack hissed. “I’m so sick of hearing about poor Marty and poor Cole and what a horrible life they’ve had all thanks to Dad... or Todd... or whoever the hell is calling himself Todd Manning at the time! I get threatened and shoved into a closet by a couple of psychos for what? For the sake of Marty Saybrooke! Did anyone ask how I was? No, it was all poor Marty!

“That woman never said one word to me as long as she was here,” he continued, his voice rising, “but I sure heard all about her! My Dad was ready to dump me and the rest of us, steal your kid and run off with her! Cole almost beat my Dad to death, turned you into a complete drip who couldn’t seem to live without him for more than two seconds, and now, after finding out that Mom went through something as horrible as rape... you bring that roided out creep up _again_?!”

Starr was stunned silent by Jack’s ferocity. Her mind reeled, trying to explain why she had said what she said. Was she so indoctrinated in the sins of her father that her mind automatically went to his most famous victim? Was she so used to dismissing her own mother that she did it without thinking?

“Are you _brainwashed_?!” Jack demanded.

“No!” Starr insisted. “No!”

Cassie stood up and tried to calm Jack into sitting down again.

“The other day,” Jack leaned against Cassie almost instinctively, seeming to feed off of her calming presence. The timbre of his voice grew perceptively softer. “The other day you talked to me about how everyone ignores Mom and you asked me if I kept everything inside because that’s what she did. You wonder why she does that? She was raped, Starr; _raped_... and you start blathering about Cole?”

Tears sprung into Starr’s eyes. “Why didn’t she ever _say_ anything?” 

“Probably because she didn’t want to admit what happened to her and have everyone say ‘Oh my God! Poor Marty!’ What do _you_ think?”

Starr flashed back to a very specific New Year’s Eve.. She remembered her mother running down the stairs, frightened and bruised, makeup smeared and dress torn with Victor hot on her heels professing his love. Blair had pushed him away, screaming at him, voice shaking and in a near panic. What had she, her own daughter done? Attacked her mother. The shame of that memory rocked her to her core; so much so that Starr had to sit down.

“Now, now,” Cassie interjected, taking in Starr’s pale face with some concern. “I think we can get answers from your mother when she gets home tomorrow. But if you want my opinion, I think I have a good guess as to why she didn’t say anything.”

Jack and Starr looked at her expectantly.

“Your mother learned at a very young age that she didn’t have anyone to depend on,” Cassie explained. “She has always been alone... always been left to fend for herself. It is very difficult for a person who has always known she had no one to count on to be able to lean on others or even ask them for help. Blair did what she’s done since she was a child... she lived through it, she survived, and she put it behind her because that’s the only way she knows how to keep going.

“She doesn’t ask for help and she doesn’t ask for support because she never had it to begin with so when the chips are down, that’s what she reverts to; it’s her survival instinct. It’s really all she knows.” She gave both kids a steady look. “But we are going to show her that we are here for her, aren’t we? That we are on her side and that she can always count on us, right? Your mother isn’t alone anymore and we all need to make sure she realizes that.”

==================================================

“The absolute worst thing I could do is forget what I did to Marty,” Todd insisted.

“There is a difference between not forgetting something and letting it _own_ you,” Blair replied. She took a deep breath. What she was about to say was something that had lived in her for years. The few times she had tried to broach the subject with Todd, he had brushed her opinions aside. “Do you know what it feels like to know that if Marty called you right now and said she needed you, you’d run to her side and forfeit everything in your life to appease her? Do you know what that feels like?”

Todd shook his head.

“How would you have felt if I never asked you for anything? How would you have felt when we were married if I had called Asa whenever I needed something? How would you have felt if he came running every time I crooked my finger?”

The idea of it made him nauseous, which he supposed was the point.

“You may feel you owe Marty,” Blair continued, “but I don’t. I don’t owe her and I never did. Starr doesn’t owe her. Jack doesn’t owe her. Sam doesn’t owe her. We matter and we don’t owe her _you_ any more than you owed Asa _me_ or Renee owed _him_ to me. What’s done is done and there is nothing you can do that will ever change that.”

“I know that,” Todd sighed. She was right. He had spent countless hours locked up, pouring over his life and the mistakes that he had made. His obligation to Marty had become a flag he bore to prove to himself and to everyone that he wasn’t that monster anymore. “I do... but--”

“She’s never going to forgive you,” Blair said bluntly. “You could take a thousand bullets for her, for Patrick, for Cole, for her pet dog... it doesn’t matter. She will never forgive you. The only thing she would regret is that you wouldn’t be around for her to use if she needed it.”

“Blair...” Todd shook his head. “Marty wouldn’t do that.”

“Do you even _know_ her?” Blair demanded. “She was not sanctified by your raping her, Todd! I seem to be the only person who gets that! And the idea that everyone seems to think that something as vile as rape somehow purified and martyred her is so _obscene_ I can’t even wrap my mind around it! Am I somehow more pure and innocent because Asa raped me? He raped me before you ever knew me, does that mean I’ve been innocent all this time and you fucked me over repeatedly without that magical transformation that apparently happens when a woman gets raped?!”

There was a tinge of hysteria in Blair’s voice and it was growing louder. It was startling, if Todd was going to be honest. Is this what Blair thought _he_ thought about Marty? Was it what he actually thought? 

“I can’t...” Todd started, trying to explain. “I can’t hate Marty,” he said. “I can’t call her out for her shit! I can’t _do_ that, I’m not the guy to do that! Not after what I did!”

“Then stay the fuck out of her life if you can’t be honest about it!” Blair screamed. “She hounded me, and hounded me, and hounded me when you were supposedly dead! She kept after me, precious, perfect little fucking doctor, haranguing a stressed out pregnant woman to the point where being around her made my blood pressure shoot up... and she was always around! When I went into labor, _premature_ labor, she planted herself at my side and wouldn’t leave no matter how much I screamed at her to get the fuck away from me! She had to be forcibly removed from my delivery room even though she never had any right to be there in the first place!

“She married a man she had already cheated on, then carried on with her lover because she couldn’t bring herself to leave her wheelchair bound husband. Lucky for her he was faking it, wasn’t it? Imagine if she had left him on her own?! She plotted with Patrick to take Brendan away from me because of _you_! She went on a goddamn murder spree here in Llanview and when she was cornered who did she call to get her out of trouble? _YOU_!! Or, at least, the man she _thought_ was you!”

Todd was worried about Blair’s blood pressure right now. And he was also finally hearing the things she was saying about Marty. He had never wanted to listen before because he had been mad at Blair for bring it up at all. Hearing about Marty stressing Blair out to the point of early labor, and having to be removed from Blair’s side during Starr’s birth when Blair clearly would never have wanted her there...

But he was wondering if, maybe, his own tactics regarding Marty and her rape were the right ones after all. Blair was making a hell of a lot of good points and it bothered him because he remembered her begging him to not let Marty use him _years_ ago... so long ago it was when they were split up after her baby lie had been revealed. Todd had dismissed her then thinking that she didn’t understand or know what she was talking about. How could Blair have possibly understood?

“Rape is a _crime_ ,” Blair continued. “It is a crime of violence and power; it is _not_ a bond and it is _not_ a debt! There is nothing you or anyone can do to make up for it. Nothing! The best thing you could ever do is let her go and allow her to get past it because she is _never_ going to forgive you.”

“You said that already,” Todd murmured.

“She is never going to forgive you,” Blair crossed over in front of him, backing him against the fireplace that was, thankfully, unlit. “She is _never_ going to forgive you. She is _never going to forgive you_! _She is never going to forgive you_!!”

“Jesus, Blair, I get it,” Todd hissed. His mind was reeling. He had been expecting to be taking care of Blair, of holding her in his arms and crooning to her about how wonderful and strong she was. He had been hoping to kiss her worries away. He had _not_ been expecting the wildcat to unsheath her claws and start tearing apart his walls. But he supposed he should have known better.

It was Blair, after all, and Blair’s first instinct was _always_ to fight.

“She is never going to forgive you because she doesn’t _have_ to forgive you,” Blair continued. “She doesn’t have to forgive you because she doesn’t love you. She _never_ loved you. She will _never_ love you!” Blair grabbed the front of his shirt in her fists. “ _I_ love you! I do! _I’m_ the one that loves you! _I’m_ the one who has to find a way to forgive you for the things you do! _I’m_ the one who has to find a way because I’m the one who loves you _so_ much I can’t even breathe! _I’m_ the one who had to find a way to forgive you after you took my son and gave him away and told me he was dead! _I’m_ the one who had to forgive you for taking my little girl from me when _you_ were supposed to be dead! _That’s_ what you do when you love someone... you _forgive_ them, you _find_ a way...” She was shaking him, tears streaking down her face, her eyes ferocious and fearful all at once. “You find a way...

“Just like _you_ found a way to forgive me when I lied to you about being pregnant,” she wept. “Just like you _have_ to find a way to forgive me for not knowing that that imposter wasn’t you! You _have_ to find a way! You _have_ to... because that’s what you do when you love someone! You _have_ to find a way to forgive me.”

The sob that came out of Todd surprised even him. He grabbed her in his arms, crushing her against him. So that was it, he thought. That’s what had been preying on her. The walls that had been up were built on a foundation and it seemed, it felt like they had just gotten to that. He kept saying her name over and over and over and she sobbed against his chest. Her stormy tears were unleashed at last and he was crying, too. Finally, all that emotion came out... from the showdown with the Buchanan-Lords the revelations, the breakdowns... finally, the tears came and Blair needed them to come out.

He didn’t try to soothe her or shush her. His own tears didn’t seem to want to ebb either so he figured that after so long maybe they had earned it. They needed this... 

They needed each other.

========================================

“Maybe I am brainwashed,” Starr said to the lump that was Jack on his bed.

She knew he was awake. He was too still and too quiet and she’d tell him someday that he needed to work on his fake sleeping but now really wasn’t the time.

Starr got into bed with her brother. He gave up the pretense and turned around to look at her. “You were getting brainwashed there for a little while, you know,” she pointed out. “When you wouldn’t talk to Mom or listen to her and decided that being like Victor was the thing you needed to be.”

“Yeah...”

“You’ve only just started to come back from that, Jack.”

“Because of Mom.”

“Yeah,” she nodded, “because of Mom. I know I’ve been the worst daughter in the world.”

Jack snorted appreciatively. “You’re not the _worst_.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re not the best, either,” he was quick to remind her.

She punched him lightly on the shoulder. “Dad always included me on everything. And some of my earliest memories... Tea was always there. I mean... maybe you have a point. Mom always worked so hard to keep me out of whatever Dad was up to. She used to tell me stories about him being a lost prince. She romanticized him so that I wouldn’t hate him for not being around.”

“Well,” Jack huffed. “Guess she did her job because you side with him on _everything_. The only time you turned on him was after he knocked you down a flight of stairs.”

“That wasn’t Dad.”

“You thought it was. We all did.”

“Yeah,” Starr nodded. “Mom really does go out of her way to keep us away from her own issues. If she never puts herself first is it any wonder the rest of us don’t?”

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” Jack yawned. The stress had gotten to him and he was mentally exhausted. He just didn’t care to yell and Starr was close enough that it wasn’t necessary. “You’re a Mom now, Starr. You tell me. Would you bring Hope into all your plots? All your romantic entanglements? All of you instant mood swings? Cole loves me! Cole doesn’t love me! I hate Cole! I love Cole! I love James! I love being normal! I hate being normal! No one understands me! I hate everyone for not understanding me! I hate everyone because they understand me!” He shifted again. “When Hope starts hating you, remember how you treated Mom.”

“You have no idea how much that scares me,” Starr whispered.

“What have you got to be scared of?” Jack asked. “Mom is on your side and she knows what it’s like when her daughter thinks she’s a joke. Aren’t you lucky? Mom didn’t have that.”

“No, she didn’t,” Starr realized. “Mom was really flying blind with all of us.”

“You most of all,” Jack pointed out. “No wonder you’re so horrible.”

She could hear the teasing tone in his voice and smiled into the darkness.

“You think Mom’s okay with Todd?”

“Dad will take care of her,” Starr said with confidence. She knew he would. 

“They don’t have the greatest history in the world.”

“They love each other.”

“So?” Jack asked. “It’s not like that has ever kept them from hurting each other in the past. I know the stories.”

“They love each other,” Starr repeated. “That means everything. She’ll be fine. Dad will take good care of her.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.”

There was silence for awhile.

“What do you think the Buchanans are going to do about all of this?” Starr wondered.

“If they know what’s good for them.” Jack said fiercely. “They won’t do a damn thing.”

Starr nodded into the darkness, a feeling of protective pride sweeping over her. “Yeah... just let them try.”

===========================================

“I’m exhausted,” even Blair’s voice sounded limp.

“Yeah,” Todd felt a little worn out himself. Emotional roller coasters took their toll. “It’s cold, too.”

“Let’s just go to bed,” Blair said wearily. “We can use the space heater and the mattress pad heater and we’ll be fine.” She pushed herself off him before slowly climbing to her feet.

They had collapsed onto the couch not long before, holding onto each other. Blair had already been as limp as a rag doll or Todd might have attempted some making out.

“To bed, as in... together?” Todd asked hopefully.

Blair turned to him, shoulders dropping, her whole demeanor crying out ‘completely empty.’ “Todd... I think we can manage to sleep in the same bed and deal with it.”

“No part of this reunion with you has gone the way I wanted it to,” Todd said petulantly. “First time you took my shirt off, I was bleeding out from a gunshot wound. Now, the first time I get into bed with you nothing’s going to happen there, either?”

“Patience is a virtue?”

“I’m not virtuous,” he grumbled but he followed her into the bedroom. She rummaged in the closet and pulled out a space heater, setting it up and turning it on. It wasn’t long before the mountain chill that was settling through the cabin had lost it’s sting. Blair plugged in and turned on the mattress pad heater before rummaging around more and pulling out some clean linens for the bed.

Todd stepped forward to help and soon enough, the bed had been made up with sheets, blanket and quilt. Blair produced a pair of mens pajamas still in plastic wrap. She gave Todd the pants and took the shirt for herself. She shucked off her clothes and then slipped the shirt over her bra and panties before heading out to make sure the cabin was all locked up.

By the time she returned, Todd was in the pajama pants and was pulling down the covers.

As she snapped off the light and crawled happily into bed, Blair didn’t neglect to notice how good Todd looked. It was a shame that there was literally no energy in her at all. She half groaned, half sighed as she settled under the warm blankets on the soft mattress. Her eyes were already closed. Sleep was not far from claiming her.

Todd reached forward and stroked her hair. Her exhaustion was apparent and as his eyes adjusted to the darkness he let them caress the curves and planes of her face. He could tell she was gone. She was halfway there the second she hit the pillow.

“Tangerine... Tangerine...” he whispered. “Living reflection from a dream. I was her love... she was my queen...”

_Look... it’s our world... it’s the world that you gave me and you made me its queen..._

“And now a thousand years between...”

Sometimes it felt like a thousand years from that perfect moment in the penthouse after their perfect wedding. Sometimes it felt like it was yesterday. He could see her in the dark, now, all dusky shadows. He could remember her in the light of their bedroom, when all she had wanted was him and how beautiful she had looked underneath him as they made love.

“Thinking how it used to be,” he continued whispering the lyrics to that song that had always made him think of her. “Does she still remember times like these? To think of us again...”

A million images of Blair through the years flashed in front of them, overlaying themselves onto her sleeping face. He leaned forward and gave her a feather light kiss on the mouth, breathing against her lips.

She had asked him to find a way to forgive her. 

“And I do.”


	36. Chapter 36

Wakefulness came in shifts. Early on, Todd was aware of a presence beside him but it was a presence his body was used to... maybe not recently but that presence had never made him feel anything but content. His body was not fearful of that presence so he didn’t worry about it.

The silence was the next thing Todd was aware of. No babies, no kids, no bellowing twins, no footsteps, no Buchanans... and then the sounds of nature began to filter in. It was mainly the morning serenade of way too many birds. Llanfair, for all of its estate grounds, didn’t have quite the cacophony that was going on here.

_Shouldn’t those things be migrating by now?_

Wait... _here_?

Where _was_ here?

It certainly wasn't Irene’s paramilitary compound. For one thing, no one was ever sleeping with him there. For another, there wasn’t the cold, clinical silence that filled the space with solitary despair and fear. It wasn’t his penthouse, either. The penthouse didn’t have this many birds and it had a lot more traffic. As for Dorian’s tacky, French mausoleum... wherever he was didn’t feel or smell like that miserable place either.

But that beautiful presence, soft and warm, a single, perfect blossom in the middle of a desert, a shimmering light in the darkness, didn’t he only have that presence at the penthouse or at Dorian’s?

Todd’s eyes opened. The muted light from the window suggested an overcast morning. The room itself was dusky and quiet.

Blair’s head rested on the pillow next to him. He studied her. It didn’t look like she had moved at all. Her breathing was slow, deep and even. She was clearly still down for the count.

They were at the cabin. Their cabin. Their cabin that he’d never seen or known about until last night -- last night when Blair had driven here in a daze. A daze that was the after effects of her confrontation with the Buchanans over her marriage to Asa. Then they had a confrontation that had left Blair completely drained.

Todd had been a bit flabbergasted by it all. All of those walls were gone. He knew it. There was nothing to it now but to get on with their lives.

But Blair was completely sacked out.

He could wait.

It felt like three hours later when she jerked awake. Todd thought his whole body was vibrating with impatience and desire. “Hey!” He beamed at her when she stared at him groggily. “Are you hungry? Thirsty? I’ll go get us something.”

He bounded out of bed to rummage around the kitchen. He was intent on spoiling the hell out of Blair. She had bared herself yesterday in ways he hadn’t seen her do in years. She had been brave and honest and real and raw and he just wanted to show her that he saw it, and appreciated both it and her.

There wasn’t much in the way of food other than canned stew. He went back to the bedroom to ask Blair what she wanted to do only to discover that she had fallen asleep again. “Blair!”

She jumped, her eyes barely peeling open, before grumbling and burrowing under the covers again.

“Okay,” Todd shrugged. “I can do morning cuddle time if that’s what you want.” He climbed into bed and curled his arm under Blair, then wrapped the other around her, squeezing her against him as he kissed the top of her head. Blair, for her part, felt like dead weight to him. He couldn’t remember her ever being this hard to wake up before. Should he take it personally? They hadn’t even done anything that would render her unconscious the next morning except expel some pent up emotions... and not even in the physical way that he was really hoping for.

Of course, he had over a hundred pounds of woman flesh pressed against him right that moment. Not just woman flesh but _Blair_ woman flesh. The woman he had been dreaming about for closing in on nine years now. How long was a man expected to wait? He nudged her with his hip and the only response he got was one of her legs thrown over his body so that her lower thigh rubbed right against a certain organ that was already expressing interest in Blair’s soft, womanly curves and the faint floral scent of her skin.

For a moment, Todd wondered if he should attempt to curb the growing, hardening erection and then decided against it. He had been angling to be in bed with Blair with a hard on since the second he got out of that miserable prison and could formulate a coherent thought. Now the question was how long was he expected to lay there before something could be done about it?

It must have poked Blair enough to break through the fog somewhat. She squirmed, which really only intensified his desire, and then lazily moved her free hand down to perhaps get the offending organ out of the way.

“What is that?” She murmured sleepily.

“I think you know what it is,” he told her.

“Huh?”

“It’s morning, Blair,” he shrugged against her. “I know it’s been a long time but morning wood was practically default when I was sharing a bed with you.”

She was really trying to be awake now. “Oh... “ she pushed herself off of him. “Um... do you think maybe you could put that away?” Blair tried to ignore the sly, sleepy-sexy expression on his face. She tried to ignore the erection, too, but was failing miserably at both. Hell, her body seemed to be pointing itself directly at it.

“It doesn’t work that way and you know it,” Todd said. “What, you want me to go into the other room and take care of it?”

_That would be awkward_. “No.”

“I can think of a better way, anyway,” Todd shifted closer to her in one smooth movement, leaning forward and pressing his lips against her neck.

Blair was struggling. Her mind was still mostly in fog. She wasn’t sure where or even when she was. Her limbs were heavy and she felt like she was moving and thinking in slow motion. She leaned against Todd’s mouth instinctively. It felt so good. It would be so easy.

_No._

Blair slipped off the bed, backwards and stumbled back against the wall leaving Todd hanging, kissing nothing but air.

She looked at him, wearing nothing but a pair of pajama bottoms. It was a beautiful view, defined chest and torso, broad shoulders, strong hands with those big, thick fingers... not to mention the tousled hair and the full day’s worth of stubble. Her skin still tingled from where it was just rubbing against her neck.

Blair’s mind was still moving slowly. She knew there was nothing coming between them but she was also so unaccustomed to things being right for them that she honestly didn’t recognize the moment when it was staring her in the face. Was she just so used to holding back in regards to Todd that she did it out of habit?

“What?” Todd asked.

She shook her head to clear the cobwebs but, unfortunately, all Todd saw was her shaking her head. He couldn’t believe it. She was on the edge, so close to letting go and finally letting herself be with him again and she was holding back even now!

He threw the covers off and stormed out of the room. If he stayed a second longer he was going to grab her a shake her until her teeth rattled. The only person in the world more stubborn than himself was the bull-headed woman that he was madly in love with. He went outside into the cold autumn morning in the hopes that he could gather his wits about him and attempt to have a fairly rational discussion with Blair about what the fuck was going on in her stupid, stubborn head!

Blair wasn’t far behind as it turned out.

It had taken Blair a moment to realize that Todd had stormed out. The last thing she wanted was to piss him off before she could try to explain where her head was, even if she wasn’t certain about that herself. Moving helped clear the cobwebs. And tripping down the back steps into the cold mountain air practically shocked her system to fully functioning again.

“Todd, please...”

“Please _what_?”

“I know what you want from me,” she said. “I want that, too. I just... I feel...” she was at a loss for words. “Shouldn’t I be better?”

“Better than what?” He stared at her, confused.

“Better than _this_ ,” she gestured to herself. “Better than this mess that I am. Please, try to understand...”

“You feel raw,” Todd growled, pacing across the cold ground. “You feel broken, you feel uncertain. Christ, Blair, if anyone understands you, it’s _me_. I _understand_ you. I _know_ you, I just wish you’d give me some credit here and let me _be_ the understanding guy who knows you.” He ran both hand through his hair in frustration. “Remember our first time?”

“Of course, I do.”

“We were both feeling pretty shitty about ourselves that night. Ourselves, our lives, all of it. We came together -- as friends -- to comfort each other. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“You took off as soon as we were done,” Blair reminded him.

“And then you tried to cut me out of your life completely,” Todd shot back. “We never do things right, Blair. Not the first time anyway. Maybe not the second or third time, either. It doesn’t matter. We have to be together. We _have_ to.”

She held her hands out, trying to calm him down because he was working himself up in a big way. All she wanted was to tell him she wasn’t rejecting him. “Look, Todd, I can see that you’re angry but--”

“You’re damn right I’m angry! Why wouldn’t I be angry? Here we are standing under the trees and the days are getting shorter and the nights are getting longer and I know it’s your favorite time of year. I’m looking at you right now with the leaves changing around us and I love you so much it _hurts_... and I’m _angry_ , Blair. I’m angry because what time we haven’t wasted we’ve had _stolen_ from us and _none_ of it’s fair. I get that you’re dealing with things, I get that down to my bones but what _you_ don’t get is that you _need_ me to deal with them.

“We are never so strong and so capable of facing the shit we’ve had in our lives than when we’re together. You need me as much as I need you. These past eight years you’ve been screwed over by everyone... including a guy who pretended to be me but he _wasn’t_ me so stop holding me at arms length. Let me help! Let me be here by your side... I want you by mine. I’ve been back for months, Blair, but you’ve kept me on the threshold all this time and, god dammit, I want to come _home. Let me come home_!!”

Her eyes were wet. Her hands were clasped tightly together in front of her mouth. Her body was stiff. But those eyes, those wet eyes filled with unshed tears that quivered and quaked and pleaded and needed... everything he wanted to see was in those eyes.

“I’ve unleashed my pain on you for so long... for too long. I don’t care about those eight years, Blair. I don’t care about them because they were nothing but pain and loneliness and I don’t want that. I want to be happy. I want to be happy with you. We deserve it and, fuck everyone else, we have more than earned it.” He reached out his hand. “Please babe... let’s be happy and tell the rest of the world to go straight to hell.”

A strangled sort of laugh came out of her at that. “Todd...”

He gestured at her with his outstretched hand. “Come on, Blair. Let me come home... I’ve been waiting so long. So have you. We can do this. We can...”

Her hand was suddenly in his, her slender fingers gripping his. He stared at their hands for a moment hardly daring to believe it. A delirious, breathless giggle came out of him and then he looked at her face, full of trepidation but, far more importantly, hopeful acceptance and he jerked her towards him so he could wrap her in his arms and hold her.

A shuddering sob escaped her and then she pulled back, clasping his face in her hands and bringing his mouth to hers in a wet kiss. He froze for a moment, waiting to see if she’d push him away again or pull back herself but she didn’t. Her fingers slipped back across his cheeks to stroke his earlobes and he let go... he opened his mouth against hers... finally... knowing that this time she wasn’t going to push him away.

After so long, he kissed her _knowing_ that there was going to be far more to come.

She smiled against his lips. She got to unleash last night. Blair thought it was more than fair for Todd to have the opportunity to get his own crap out. She was happy right at that moment, in his arms, kissing him.

But happiness always came at such a high price for them. “Please...” she whispered. “Promise me you won’t hurt me,” she stroked his face with her fingers. “Promise me.”

It was like someone had reached down at the very last minute and demanded he pass a test before entering heaven. More than anything, Todd wanted to promise that Blair would never know another day’s pain because of him but he knew better. He knew better because he knew himself and he knew her and he knew them. And he had promised himself that if he ever had another chance, he wouldn’t lie to her... even if it meant losing her. But her breath on his lips, her fingers on his face... if ever he would lie, this would be the moment.

“I--” he sighed heavily. “I can’t do that, Blair. I won’t.”

She made to step back but he held her tight. “Todd--”

“I’m not going to make you promises I know I can’t keep,” he told her. “I won’t do that to you. Can _you_ promise me you’ll never hurt me?”

Blair struggled against him briefly before recognizing the impossibility of never hurting or being hurt by him. Her shoulders sagged slightly. “No... I can’t.”

“I can promise you I love you,” he told her urgently. “I can promise you that I love our children. I can promise you that I will take care of you. I can promise you that I will look after our family. Isn’t that enough? That’s really the question, isn’t it? Can that be enough? Because I already know that you want to be together with me again.”

He knew he had hit the right spot. He could see her wavering, so close to letting herself go completely. But just as clearly, he could see years and years of hurt and betrayal keeping her back.

Todd felt himself beginning to panic. He was certain that if he didn’t get her now, he never would. He sank to his knees in front of her, clinging to her and pressing his face against her body. “Please, Blair, please. I don’t know what else I can do... or say... please believe me, babe. I’m begging you. Please!”

There was silence. 

Then he felt her fingers in his hair, soft and gentle, caressing before moving down to stroke his ears.

“Don’t you,” her voice was as soft and gentle as her touch, “ever, _ever_ beg.”

Todd looked up at her. She smiled beatifically at him.

“You’re Todd. You’re invincible.”

He got to his feet, smiling as she echoed words he had once said to her. “I don’t feel invincible.”

Blair kissed him, slowly and sweetly. “You survived eight years in that hell hole Irene put you in. You got out _on your own_. Every time you were thought to be gone, you’ve always found a way back.”

“To you,” Todd told her. “I’ve always come back to you.”

“And I’ve always been here,” she nodded. “Come home. Todd. Come home.”

He lunged towards the door of the cabin, grabbing her around the waist as he did so and guiding her backwards, fast, fast, fast until they reached the steps. They swept inside together, the warmth of the cabin sparked against their skin cooled in the autumn morning. Every few moments they pulled back, looking at one another, drinking in the moment, before coming together in another fevered embrace.

Todd pulled the top Blair wore over her head and went to work on her bra as they maneuvered back into the bedroom. The minute he got the bra unhooked, Blair flung it off her body and then flung herself at Todd, fastening her mouth to his and rubbing herself against him. Her nipples tightened against the coarseness of his chest hair and a small moan bubbled out of her. She moved her hands to his hips and pushed his pants down even as she felt his hands slide down her back to the swell of her bottom in order to divest her of her panties.

As soon as they were both naked, Todd backed her against the bed. She fell back willingly, bringing him with her. He pulled back again, looking down at her, his eyes alight with desire and wonder. Framing her face in his hands, he rubbed his thumb against her cheeks. He knew he was smiling, he couldn’t help it. He was finally where he wanted to be -- for the last eight years, this was what he had yearned for. Who was he kidding? He had wanted to be here longer than eight years. Even before the first time they had sex, Todd had entertained fantasies about Blair.

This was where he always wanted to be.

Todd’s smiles were like sunrises. Blair didn’t see them very often but they were all beautiful and all different. When they were directed at her, as this gentle, loving one was, she felt cherished and beautiful inside and out.

She smiled back, running her hands down his chest to his waist. As she did, he descended upon her again, his kisses passionate and hungry. Soft moans punctuated the kisses and he moved from her lips to her face, then trailed down her neck. Blair closed her eyes and just let herself feel him; the weight of his body, the touch of his hands, the heat of his breath, the movement of his legs and he slid one between hers, this thigh rubbing against her very center.

She raked her nails up his back, stroking his shoulders and sinking her fingers into his hair as he moved from her neck down to her breasts. One large hand covered one breast while his mouth descended on the other. There was something artful about the way he touched her, there always had been. She hadn’t been lying when she had told him that sex between them was always more. For a man who could be so brutal the gentleness that came from him when he was with her always left her breathless.

He nuzzled her breast, rubbing his cheek against the soft flesh and flicking it with his tongue as he teased the other with the flat of his palm. Blair writhed against him in delight, arching her body to press against wherever he was touching her.

She slid her fingers behind his ears. Immediately, he stopped what he was doing and looked up at her. She stroked his earlobes with her thumbs and smiled when his whole body shuddered. She urged him back to where she could kiss his mouth again. She nipped at his lips with hers, then traced them with the tip of her tongue.

His body shuddered again, his breath coming faster and he met her tongue with the tips of his, teasing with the slightest contact before sliding it against her, fusing their mouths together in a hungry, demanding embrace.

His moan of pleasure rippled against her body and Blair slid her hands down his neck, across his shoulders and down his back to his hips. She curled hand hand along the curve of his ass and the other reached between them to stroke the hard cock she could feel throbbing against her body.

“Blair!” Todd’s voice was strangled as his entire body stiffened.

“Shhh,” she soothed, rubbing her feet against the back of his legs. “Todd, you’ve waited long enough. I’m yours... I’m yours...”

Could he love her more? Probably not... because if he was going to be honest with himself, he was not going to last too long and as much as he wanted to absolutely spoil her rotten with the foreplay of her life, he was about ready to explode out of sheer relief of being with her again.

“I love you,” he told her, reaching between them to run his fingers over her lower lips. They were slick with desire and he smiled as she closed her eyes when he touched her there. Positioning himself, he slowly sank into her and almost lost it right then and there. He crushed her against him, burying his face against her neck as he tried to maintain some modicum of control. He would not let this be over the moment it actually started.

Blair sighed rapturously. There was a world of difference between ‘familiar’ and ‘Todd.’ And this was Todd, filling her in a way no other man ever had. She wrapped herself around him, playing with the tendrils of hair at the base of his neck, and sliding her legs against his thighs. He was clutching her close, still but quivering. “What are you waiting for, lover?”

A muffled groan came out of him. “Just... trying to hold it together.” He lifted his head and looked at her. “And you’re not helping.”

She licked her lips, causing him to shudder.

“ _Really_ not helping.”

“If you don’t start moving,” Blair bucked her hips against him. “I’m going to. Stop worrying about being the stud of the century and just be my long lost love back where he belongs! I don’t care if it last five minutes.”

“You say that now...” Todd pushed himself up and arranged himself so he could get the best leverage he could. The moment he started thrusting, a deep, ecstatic moan bubbled out of Blair. She writhed under him, teasing and caressing his body and he followed her lead, thrusting harder and faster.

The bedroom was already toasty warm and the heat they created together made a sheen of perspiration coat his body. He could see Blair’s skin flush, a rosy tint spreading over her as she responded to his movements with deep, gasping moans.

Todd’s stamina wasn’t quite what it once was and he reached between them to help stimulate her before he completely lost it. A reunion after almost nine years and he leaves her wanting? No fucking way. He dug his knees into the mattress to anchor himself, driving into her with ferocity. Gentleness could come later, he needed her, he needed to just let all of the time they’d had taken from them come out of him in a powerful inferno of lust that would leave him completely empty and her completely sated.

When Blair grabbed his butt in both hands, digging her nails into his ass, he knew she was about to go right over the edge. And she did a moment later, letting out a scream of delight as she raked her nails from his ass to his shoulder blades. Her body tightened around him and he blissfully let go, jerking inside of her, feeling like everything that had been stored up for years was emptying into her until there wasn’t anything left.

No more loneliness. No more pain. No more solitude. 

They were together.

At last.

He lowered himself down to rest on her. “I’ve missed your claws, babe.”

“I’ve missed that ass,” she slapped it as punctuation.

“All right, all right,” he pulled out and rolled onto his side next to her. He looked at her for a moment, her face glistening with perspiration, hair sticking to her forehead, mascara smudged under her eyes and knew she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He leaned forward and kissed her passionately until they were breathless, again.

She smiled at him, running the back of her hand along the curve of his chin. “We should go.”

“Huh?” Todd blinked. Now was afterglow time, when they cuddled and made out and stored up energy for another round.

“We really need to get back to town.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“We don’t have any food here...” Blair said. “Not really. Just canned stuff for emergencies. And the kids are going to be home at some point and there’s likely going to be another long discussion about yesterday. But mostly food because any second now your stomach is going to start howling like it’s the full moon and I’ve really got nothing to feed you here.”

He hated it when practicality got in the way of romance. And he was already hungry, lust just set it aside for the moment. “All right, fine.” He swung his legs over the side of the bed and went to fetch his clothes.

Blair admired the handiwork of her claw marks that travelled up the length of his back, as well as the back itself. “Why do we wait so long to do this?”

“You’re asking me?” He glanced at her as he pulled his boxers and pants on. “I would have had you at that movie premiere.”

Blair smirked. “Before or after you pulled the gun and got yourself taken into custody?” She got off the bed and fetched her own clothes.

“Before, after, during,” Todd shrugged. “And constantly since then.”

Blair smiled indulgently and then looked at herself with yesterday’s clothes on. “Oh, the walk of shame.”

“I would never be ashamed of being with you, babe,” he told her. “Walk of Awesome, I’m thinking.”

“You are really charming when you want to be.” Blair turned off the space heater and the mattress pad and then gathered her purse and keys. “Let’s go.”

“I want to come back here,” Todd said as they got in the car.

“I’m sure we will,” Blair replied lightly.

“No,” he said seriously. “I want to come back here. Soon. Just you and me. We’ll have a long weekend up here... maybe in November before Thanksgiving?”

Blair just looked at him.

“We deserve some alone time,” Todd told her. “The kids can handle themselves for a long weekend. I want us to come back here and have a full on reunion going on.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Blair actually liked the idea.

“And we can be naked the whole time.”

Blair laughed.

“So, before we head home,” he continued casually. “We should stop at Viki’s so I can get my things.”

“Uh...” Blair wasn’t certain if that was the best of ideas.

Todd caught her hesitant expression. “I am not sleeping under the same roof as Clint Buchanan. Not after yesterday.”

Blair flashed him a grateful look. “Okay... but we’re going to have to put you in a different room until Jack’s okay with it.”

He groaned. “Sure, why not? I’ll just sneak into your room every night.”

“Todd...”

“I am not sleeping without you.”

Blair didn’t say anything. To be honest, she felt the same way, but Jack was still not certain about Todd and she didn’t want to shock him into backsliding. One thing at a time as far as she was concerned. Besides, a little sneaking around was fun. It reminded her of the time they were getting back together before their second wedding.

“Sing to me,” Todd’s voice was gentle.

Blair shot a surprised glance at him as they drove down the mountain roads. “What?”

“Sing to me,” he leaned his head on the back of the seat. “You have a pretty voice.”

She felt herself flush at the compliment. She drove in silence for a few moments and then began to sing:

_Hold onto the thread_   
_The currents will shift_   
_Guide me towards you_   
_Know something’s left_   
_And we’re all allowed to dream_   
_Of the next..._   
_Of the next time we touch..._

As Blair’s voice soared, Todd swiped at his eyes with the back of one hand and reached for hers with the other. 

_You don’t have to stray_   
_The oceans away_   
_Waves roll in my thoughts_   
_Hold tight the ring_   
_The sea will rise..._   
_Please stand by the shore..._   
_I will be..._   
_I will be..._   
_There once more..._

The car was silent for a long time after she stopped singing.

“I can’t believe you remember that.”

“You’re not the only one who remembers things, Todd.” She sighed heavily. “When we were first married, you’d play that song whenever you were in the mood. You can’t possibly think I didn’t notice that.”

“I guess not,” he wasn’t sure why he found it a bit embarrassing that she knew that. He’d never exactly been subtle about that sort of thing. Maybe he just wanted to feel like he was smoother than that.

“I stood on a cliff in Ireland and sang that song, hoping you’d hear me and come back to me.” Blair’s voice trembled slightly. “And I used to listen to it all the time when I thought I’d lost you. When you came back... you never played it again.”

“Can we maybe not revisit the times when I was a stupid asshole?”

Blair laughed. “I’m sorry. I just... wanted you to know that I never forgot that song.”

“I’m glad,” he said softly. “You can be my Eddie Vedder whenever you want, Blair.”

She laughed again. “Let’s not get carried away.”

“Yeah, you weren’t exactly a grunge girl back then.”

“No, I was not,” she smiled. “And once you got your money you weren’t either.” She drove quietly for a moment. “You know, we’re going to have to pick out some things for your office at the new place now.”

Todd felt his whole body relax. He knew he’d be with them all when they made to move to Blair’s new place but it felt good to hear her say it. “So when do I get to see the new digs?”

“Soon,” Blair smiled. “Let’s get one move taken care of, hmm?”

Todd declined to tell Blair that his things were already packed at Llanfair save for a couple of suits and the essential bathroom things. He had never intended to stay and Viki’s and was always ready to come home to her and the kids. He smiled to himself. Things were finally as they were supposed to be.

When they pulled up in front of Llanfair, Blair decided she wanted to stay in the car. Todd kissed her and said ‘If I’m in there for longer than five minutes, you better come in because it’s likely I’m choking Clint Buchanan.”

“If you get back out here in five minutes,” Blair smiled. “I promise I will make it worth your while at Dorian’s.”

That gave him pause. “What exactly are we talking here?”

“Clock’s ticking...”

Todd sprinted into the house. If Blair was promising to make things worth his while, he intended to collect.


	37. Chapter 37

The clock in the foyer said 11:30 which surprised Todd. He thought it would be much later and he wondered just how early he and Blair had woken up that morning. He sneezed a few times, once again overcome by the sheer number of floral everything. He held himself rigid for a moment waiting to see if anyone heard him. The house was quiet so he made his way up the stairs to his room to gather his things.

He had every intention of talking to Viki about his move but Blair had suggested great rewards for speed and stealth and he had only gotten the merest taste of her not so long ago. There was no way he was going to jeopardize further opportunity.

He wasn’t too worried, really. Blair wasn’t overtly cruel. The most he could fault her for the last few months was being overly cautious but he couldn’t exactly blame her for that, either. But there was a lightness in him at the thought of playing up the ‘I’ve only got five minutes!’ aspect of this stop at Llanfair. It wasn’t as though Blair was going to refuse to have sex with him again for taking six minutes rather than five.

Still, he was eager to get on with their lives so he gathered his things and didn’t concern himself too much with maybe forgetting a toothbrush. He bolted down the stairs as quietly as he could hoping like hell that Clint wouldn’t wheel himself through the front hallway at that moment. Luckily, late mornings usually meant that Viki was off at some lunch meeting and he didn’t care where Clint was as long as he wasn’t in the way.

Todd escaped the halls of his unwanted ancestral home and bounded towards the car where Blair was waiting.

She looked suitably impressed with how quickly he had returned.

“I’ve been prepared,” Todd explained as he got in. He leaned across and kissed her then buckled his seatbelt. “Let’s go!”

Blair laughed lightly. “You never were one to let the grass grow under your feet. When you want to do something, you do it and you throw as much money at whatever’s in your way to make it happen. Anyway, I called Cassie while you were in there and let her know we were on the way.”

“Is she being a dear and making herself scarce?”

“I think she has some questions about yesterday,” Blair replied. “Which shouldn’t surprise me. And I’m willing to bet that Starr and Jack are going to want some answers as well. So, we’ll have a nice little family meeting sometime this evening when Sam and Hope are in bed.”

The idea of a family meeting appealed to Todd but, at the same time, he really just wanted to be able to look at everyone, say everything was fine and then take his woman upstairs to indulge in all of the things he had been fantasizing and dreaming about for the past eight years.

Life was a series of choices.

Cassie’s car wasn’t in the driveway when they arrived which Todd took to be a good sign. Blair, however, seemed to be much too casual about it all. She was almost formal as she took one of his bags and ushered him inside.

“Let’s get you a room, hmm?”

Todd followed her up the stairs wondering just what she was playing at. As she led him to a room, he looked about trying to pinpoint how the layout was the last time he had spent any time there.

“Where’s your room?”

Blair pointed at the door directly across the hall from his.

He couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. “You’re not really making me work too hard, are you?”

Blair shrugged. “I can put you in the other wing if you really want a challenge. Personally, I’d rather not waste time tiptoeing through the hallways. We both know this is for the sake of appearance.”

“Good point.”

“When it comes down to it,” she continued. “I really don’t think you’re going to be using this bed all that much.”

Todd turned to grab a hold of her but she was walking towards the bathroom. “Towels are in here,” she flicked the light on to double-check. ‘And you should hang that garment bag up.”

At the moment, Todd didn’t give two shits about his suits but he hung the bag up all the same. As he did, he heard a soft jiggle of the doorknob. When he poked his head out of the closet, he saw Blair charging at him with determination. His eyebrows shot up as he stepped out into the bedroom again but before he could even think of saying anything she grabbed him by the belt loops and swung him over to the bed.

Todd went willingly. There was simply no way in hell he was going to try to _not_ be seduced by Blair. If she was flinging him at a bed, there was literally no scenario he could dream up that he’d actually want to stop. Blair landed on top of him, her mouth slanted over his in a demanding kiss before she started heading south.

She gave his chin a love bite before kissing her way down his neck as her hands grabbed his shirt and started moving it up. She sat briefly, to get the material of the shirt out from underneath her and shoved it up to his armpits before descending onto his body again. Hands, fingers, lips, tongue, all ravenously devouring his flesh like a wild beast.

It wasn’t hard to figure out where she was going. Todd’s body was already responding specifically in the anticipated destination.

Todd wondered briefly if he should make some effort to attempt to convince her that he wanted to take part in this little session more than he was but when Blair sat up to undo his pants, she met his eyes with a sultry smirk and Todd couldn’t imagine doing anything but letting her have her way.

She jerked his pants down to his knees and as he closed his eyes, he felt her hair tickle his thighs and her breath dance over his cock. There was nothing to be done and nothing he wanted to do but let Blair be Blair and let her have him anyway she wanted.

Todd had never been able to think straight whenever Blair turned her considerable charms and talents onto him. He had never been able to play the game for very long because she overwhelmed him so much that his vision would get fuzzy and every ounce of blood would go shooting below the waist. The most he was ever able to do when trying to keep his wits about him over the years was to remove himself entirely because if he had attempted to stay and parlay he would have given into her, repeatedly.

He probably would have been happier for it.

So he let himself simply feel what her mouth, her hair, her fingers, her breath and her tongue were doing to him. The way she encased his shaft with mouth and hands, the pressure, the wetness and the suction all combined to create amazing alchemy that drew sighs, moans and the occasional breathless expletive from his lips.

It didn’t take long. It never did. Blair had told him once that a blowjob was the very last place she ever expected, or wanted, stamina. It was a gift to him, a gift of release without having to work very hard and all he had to do was enjoy it and let go.

A self-satisfied chuckle made him open his eyes. Blair was licking her fingers and looking very proud of herself.

“Wow,” he whispered breathlessly. “That was... great.”

Blair reached down and gently extricated him from his shirt. “You’ve been very patient with me since you’ve been back.”

“Was that a reward?”

“More of a thank you,” she smiled, removing his pants completely and then sitting on the bed next to him. She rested a hand on his chest, stroking the dusting of hair and smiling gently. “Now, you should take a quick shower and come downstairs. I’ve got another surprise for you.”

“Is it like the one you just gave me?”

Blair smiled then leaned over and kissed him. “Just hurry up, okay?”

======================================

Blair was chopping some cooked chicken into cubes when Cassie came in through the back door. It took a split second for Cassie to engulf her cousin in a hug from behind.

“I have a knife!” Blair squeaked.

“Oh honey,” Cassie fussed. “Are you alright? Jack told Starr and me about the whole... Asa... thing... are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Blair nodded, focusing on the chicken again. Todd wouldn’t be long, she was certain of that, but she didn’t want to keep her second surprise waiting. “And Todd’s moved in.”

“Oh?”

Blair nodded. “He was pretty adamant about not sharing living space with Clint after yesterday.”

“What happened?” Cassie’s voice turned flinty.

“He’s taken on the role of Asa, that’s all,” Blair said breezily. “It’s barely worth mentioning.”

“Don’t know that I agree with that,” Cassie murmured.

“Hey, baby, are you going to do the apple butter and banana thing because... heeey, Cassie...” Todd came around the corner into the kitchen, caught sight of Cassie and his hopeful smile dimmed instantly.

“Hi, Todd,” Cassie winked at him. “I hear you’ve moved in.”

“Yes,” he took a seat at the kitchen island.

“So... what’s the apple butter and banana thing?”

“It’s nothing,” Blair replied, focusing on her cooking.

Cassie noted the gleam in Todd’s eye as he focused on her cousin. “Why don’t I believe you?”

“It’s really nothing,” Blair insisted.

“It’s not nothing,” Todd grinned.

“It really is.”

“It’s really not.”

Cassie’s brow furrowed as she looked between them. “Seriously, what’s the deal?”

Blair rolled her eyes. “In the very brief time we were together before Todd went off to Ireland, I had a pregnancy craving and I ate bananas with apple butter every so often. That’s it.”

“Okaaay,” Cassie hedged. “I don’t get it.”

“Because you’re not a guy,” Todd started paying attention to what Blair was doing. “Chicks eating bananas is hot and Blair ate a ton and always slathered them in apple butter and it was hot... babe... what are you doing?”

Blair hummed lightly as she mixed the chicken with the sauce she had just made.

“Are...” Todd leaned over the island. “Are you making your chicken salad?” His stomach practically howled as he got hit by a wave of spices that he hadn’t actually smelled in years. Blair didn’t cook often, they hadn’t had a lot of time for that, but she had always claimed she could cook and the few times she had resulted in meals he quite enjoyed. He hadn’t experienced her chicken salad until the third time they were married but he did remember the first time he had it.

Apparently, she did, too. Because she kept sending him knowing glances and that self-satisfied smirk was curling her lips again.

“You are,” he breathed, trying to keep from drooling. He had officially not eaten since lunch the day before and he was starving but the fact that he was about to have something delicious, something that he actually had once told Blair was his favorite thing of hers that she made... his eyes flickered over to Cassie. He wanted to give Blair the biggest kiss on the lips right then but her cousin was standing right there giving him a weird look.

As far as Cramers went Cassie was in the upper echelon but that didn’t mean he was about to cavort in front of her. He still wasn’t too eager to display himself like that.

Blair sat a sandwich in front of him and then started to make one for herself. Todd bit into it with gusto and moaned in ecstasy.

Cassie blinked. “Um...”

Blair chuckled as she moved around the island to take a seat herself. She was hungry, too. Had she even eaten before she and Jack went shopping yesterday?

Was that actually yesterday? It seemed like a month ago.

“You can try some if you want, Cassie.”

“Maybe not,” Cassie replied lightly. “I just got a death stare from Todd.”

Blair smacked him on the arm. “I can always make more.”

“Don’t care,” Todd said around another mouthful. “It all belongs to me.”

Cassie smiled. Todd and Blair just looked relaxed and happy together. There wasn’t a hint of shadow over either one of them. “So, I hate to bring the mood down but the kids will be asking a lot of questions when they get home.”

“How much do you know?” Blair asked.

“Well, Jack waited until we put Sam and Hope to bed to tell us what happened at the store. We really don’t know anything else.”

“But you know that Asa raped me,” Blair confirmed.

“Yes.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“How’d the kids react to that?” Todd asked.

“Well,” Cassie hedged. “There was a lot of confusion and wondering why it never came up before. Jack said it was weird to hear his mother say that... and that’s when Starr brought up Cole which resulted in Jack blowing a gasket.”

“Really,” Todd leaned back slightly, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why’d Jack get bent out of shape over that?”

“He seemed to be angry that Cole and Marty were brought into it at all,” Cassie recalled. “In fact, he suggested that the whole reason you never said anything,” she nodded at Blair, “was because you figured it would end up being all about Marty.”

Blair exchanged glances with Todd. “Jack is very perceptive.”

Cassie cocked an eyebrow at Todd.

“Oh, don’t give me that look,” Todd snapped. “It’s kind of a given that if rape comes up in our family I’m the first person people think of and then it goes immediately to Marty. That’s just fact.”

“Maybe so,” Cassie shrugged. “Jack just didn’t appreciate you and Marty and Cole being brought up in regards to something that, really, doesn’t concern them at all. The way he sees it, this is about Blair, and Blair only. So, just be prepared for that.” She thought for a moment. “For that matter, he and Starr were fighting about that before bed but this morning they were whispering together.”

“Plotting, it sounds like,” Blair nodded. “They must have called a truce during the night.”

“Plotting what?”

“Well,” Blair considered. “They either plotted to skip school and come find us, which they didn’t, or they have a plan to get back here as soon as humanly possible. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if Jack faked an illness and Starr picked him up and brought him home.”

“Do they do that often?” Todd asked.

“Not so much anymore but they can pull it off.”

As if on cue, the front door slammed and Starr and Jack’s voices called out for their mother.

“In the kitchen!”

Starr and Jack thundered in and immediately clamored around Blair simultaneously asking questions and demanding answers in a cacophony that made tears spring to Blair’s eyes.

“Okay, okay, okay,” she calmed them. “First things first,” she leveled a look at Jack. “What are you doing out of school?”

“I faked a migraine and called Starr,” Jack replied matter-of-factly. “All I missed was English.”

“Jack,” Blair’s voice held a warning tone.

“Oh, come on, Mom,” Starr piped up. “We’ve been worried about you all day. You can’t hold this against us!”

“All right,” Blair conceded. “It’s nice to see the two of you on the same side for a change.”

“Yeah, well,” Jack shot a steely eyed glare towards Starr. “We’ll see how long that lasts.”

“Where’s Peanut?” Todd asked.

“She’s at a playdate with Odette,” Starr replied casually.

Jack narrowed his eyes at his father and noticed what he was eating. “Is that Mom’s chicken salad?!” He immediately crossed over and helped himself.

Todd was deeply moved at the fact that his son shared the love he had for Blair’s chicken salad. It made him feel like Jack was _his_ in ways that crossed over the missing years.

Starr followed Jack’s lead and began making herself a sandwich. “I can’t believe you never talked about this before, Mom. Why didn’t you?”

“It was a long time ago, Starr.”

“So?”

“So, it was a long time ago. I didn’t tell anyone then why would I change that? It’s not like it would have made any difference.”

“What did the Buchanans say?” Jack asked quietly.

“They didn’t want to believe her,” Todd spoke up. “But most of them did. That’s what it looked like to me.”

“Most of them?” Starr frowned.

“Who didn’t?” Jack pressed.

“Clint,” Todd growled, happy to share his consternation at the previous day’s events.

Starr, Jack and Cassie responded with stony silence.

“So,” Jack finally asked. “What does that mean?”

“It means nothing,” Blair said firmly. “I don’t care if Clint believes me or not. I would have preferred to never have that whole mess come out but--”

“Why not?” Starr was confused. “Why keep that inside?”

“Because it doesn’t matter,” Blair insisted. “It was a long time ago, it was my problem, it just... doesn’t matter.”

There was a pause.

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Jack blurted out.

Starr nodded in agreement.

Cassie hid a smile and stepped aside slightly. It seemed that Blair’s kids might have this in hand.

“You keep telling us that there is nothing we can’t tell you, that there’s nothing you won’t do to take care of us and protect us, that all we ever need to do is come to you and talk to you...”

“You’re my children,” Blair began.

“You’re our _mother_ ,” Starr burst out. “Don’t you think we’d do anything to take care of you and protect you?”

“That’s not your job,” Blair told them. “I love hearing you say that but it’s not your job to take care of me.”

“Tell that to someone who hasn’t crawled in bed next to you when you’ve had your heart broken,” Starr said bluntly.

“Or someone who hasn’t told Da--Victor that he couldn’t make me not want to be with you.” Jack sent a pointed look in Todd’s direction as if warning him to not try to separate him from his mother again, either.

“Blair,” Cassie’s voice was soft and gentle. “Sweetheart, can I just point something out here?” She walked around the kitchen island and reached over to wipe the tears that were falling from Blair’s eyes. “You’re not alone anymore. From the moment I met you, you’ve wanted a family and a place to belong. You’ve got it. Look...” she gestured at Starr and Jack. “You’ve got it.”

========================

Blair was a tough nut to crack. She was adamant about the fact that things that had happened twenty years ago were best left in the past and the argument got put on hold when Sam came home. Starr went to go pick up Hope and everyone settled into a cease fire.

Todd’s feelings were mixed on the subject. As much as he enjoyed seeing the family rally around Blair, as much as he could see how much it meant to her, he also agreed that the details of the past were not exactly something to be shared. Starr and Jack were definitely their kids, they wanted to know _everything_ , and Blair was not eager to share said details. He wondered if Starr had demanded such details when she found out about his own past.

Had she demanded such details from Blair during the trial that merely reading about left him sick to his stomach?

The upside was that announcing that Todd had moved in was something of an anti-climax to the kids. Sure, Starr and Sam were happy. Jack barely noticed save for a long, measured look at Todd when Blair had told them. When Todd followed it up by saying he wasn’t sleeping under the same roof as Clint, Jack seemed satisfied with the answer.

But Todd caught his son watching him over the course of the evening.

Once the kids retired for the night, neither Todd nor Blair were interested in keeping up the pretense. Though that didn’t mean Blair wasn’t up for a game or two. He took his empty beer bottle and her empty wine glass to the kitchen to show he could be just as careful about his environment as anyone but when he returned to the living room, Blair was gone and Cassie did her best to hide a smile.

“She went upstairs.”

Blair’s door was shut when he got up there and Todd stared at it for a few moments before going into his room and tossing on a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. He flipped off the light and then shut his door before turning back to Blair’s and scratching lightly at it.

“Come in,” even the door couldn’t block Blair’s sultry tone.

She was draped artfully across the bed, long legs stretched out across the duvet. One bedside lamp was on but covered with an indigo scarf giving the room a soft, purply hue that Todd found fantastically romantic.

“Lock the door, lover,” she purred.

It almost hurt to turn around to do just that. The word ‘lover’ on her lips directed at him was something he had been yearning for down to the depths of his soul.

“Lose the shirt, too.”

“Bossy,” he murmured, but he chucked the offending garment to the floor without hesitation. Upon reaching the foot of the bed, he crawled up towards her, seeing her smile widen and her eyes brighten as he got closer. Her arms opened in eager welcome and he happily fit his body against hers as he kissed her.

Blair trilled in delight at having Todd in her arms again. There was simply no one like him. No one else had his lips, his ears, his beautiful neck or his broad shoulders... she ran her hands over every part of him as they removed what little clothes the other was wearing. It was the most natural thing in the world to wind herself around every part of him.

_This_ , she thought, _is heaven_.

But she amended that thought when Todd started moving down. _Oh no_ , she sighed as she felt his tongue between her legs, _heaven in just beginning..._


	38. Chapter 38

Blair’s clock projected the time dimly on the ceiling. 3:42 am. She closed her eyes briefly and steeled herself for the fact that she didn’t have much time before she had to make sure the kids were up and have breakfast going. At the same time, she couldn’t bring herself to complain when Todd woke her up in the wee hours of the morning to have a leisurely love-making session. They’d been apart for so long... she didn’t want to turn him away, she wouldn’t dream of it.

He was currently reacquainting himself with her hip. He ran his hand over it,letting each finger slide over the curves individually, then touched his lips to it. He nuzzled her, his cheek and chin and nose brushing against her skin.

Todd had now accumulated two days worth of facial hair and Blair knew she’d have marks left behind from his stubble.

It was a small price to pay.

He planted a kiss between her breasts as he came back up. “You’re tired,” he whispered.

“Aren’t you?”

Todd nodded in the dark before kissing her lips. He settled next to her and closed his eyes. “I am,” he yawned, “but I’ve been without you for so long...”

She reached for his hand and laced her fingers through his. “No need to hurry... I’m not going anywhere.”

“Me either.” He rolled against her again, inhaling deeply. “I love the way you smell after sex.”

A slight moan came out of her as her hand slid down his side. He shifted against her, trying to find the best position to fall asleep while still maintaining as much physical contact as possible. Last night, Blair had been so exhausted that none of this was an issue but this time she wasn’t suffering from mental and emotional fatigue.

Maybe a little physical weariness due to their lovemaking but that wasn’t anything they couldn’t beat.

This was what he had held onto while he had been incarcerated; being near her, next to her, their skin touching and melting together, her soft sighs in the dark as she fell asleep and the scent of her surrounding him as he did the same.

==============================

Blair groaned and fumbled with the tie of her robe. As much as she loved the autumn months that darkened into winter, the dark mornings didn’t exactly make things easy. Todd wasn’t helping, either.

“Come back to bed,” he whispered.

The offer was so enticing... his sleep roughened voice so alluring, particularly with his tousled hair and the stubble on his face. His eyes were bleary and his naked skin, delightfully warm, all beckoned to her like a siren’s call. “I have to get the kids up for school.”

“They can’t get up on their own?”

“You were a teenaged boy once,” Blair reminded him. “How quickly did you jump out of bed?”

Todd shrugged. “Depends.”

“This is morning with kids,” Blair pointed out. “No more nannies, they’re too old for it and Starr doesn’t want one for Hope. It’s all on us now.”

“Isn’t one of the perks of being rich having nannies?”

“Not when you have a sixteen year old boy and an eight year old,” Blair shrugged. “You should get up, too. Come down and have breakfast with us.”

Todd watched Blair’s ass as she swayed out of the room. More than ever he was determined to give them their long weekend up at the cabin where they didn’t have to get up early and they could spend all day in bed if they wanted to. He heaved the covers off of him and headed for the shower.

Would the kids let them sleep in on the weekends?

Todd really hoped so.

=======================================

Jack gnawed on a piece of toast and narrowed his eyes as Todd kissed Blair’s cheek. She’d just handed him a cup of coffee and their fingers lingered as they touched. He glanced over at Starr, who had that smug Starr smirk. His sister was going to be intolerable.

Todd was clearly going to be a fact of their lives now and Jack remained uncertain as to how, exactly, he felt about it. He had questions about a lot of things, questions he had never gotten any solid answers about when Victor was his father... because he didn’t feel the need to press the issue. Before, when those questions came up, everything was good. Now, everything was different.

“So, today is one of your days to work with me after school,” Todd told Jack, sitting down at the breakfast nook.

Jack grunted slightly in response.

“I figure, you can drive your car to school, with me,” Todd continued casually. “I’ll take the car to the office. Then when I pick you up, you can drive us back to the office and home.”

Jack narrowed his eyes at Todd. He was being bribed, that much was obvious, but he had to give credit to the man; he was being bribed with a very tempting offer.

“Hey, I want you to be as comfortable driving as possible when you get behind the wheel by yourself,” Todd pointed out. “I know too many stories... so if you can get as much supervised time behind the wheel as possible and I can help with that, then I’m going to.”

Another grunt was the response to that but it was a grunt that indicated acquiescence. Todd took that as a positive sign. He was fairly well-versed in Jack’s non-committal, non-verbal way of communication, he’d used that particular language for years. He shot a glance towards Blair who seemed vastly amused. There was a saying that you got the children you deserved. He looked at Jack and considered how different things were compared to his relationship with Starr.

Starr had always been Daddy’s Girl.

When Todd was young, a ‘Mama’s Boy’ had been an insult; a way to emasculate someone or needle them about not being macho or tough enough. For him, there had always been a hint of jealousy there... his mother had left and hadn’t been able to take him with her and hers was the only positive relationship he’d ever had.

Blair’s boy was as muleish as his mother but also, he suspected, as ferocious as that same wildcat who bore him. He was not going to make it easy, that was for sure.

He had an inkling that Blair was loving it.

The drive to school was a quiet one. Todd didn’t want to distract Jack too much and really kept conversation strictly to the road and what he was doing with the car. Jack seemed determined to not embarrass himself behind the wheel and Todd encouraged his son to relax.

To no avail. Everytime Todd suggested he breathe, Jack growled in response.

They did get to school in one piece, however, and Todd gave Jack an awkward pat on the shoulder as a farewell. Jack, at least, gave him a half wave as he jogged off towards a group of boys Todd recognized from the birthday party. He received a few curious looks but they were soon shoving each other and laughing and forgetting he existed.

Which was as it should be, Todd supposed.

He got back in the car but instead of taking a right on Brookside, he took a left to go back to Dorian’s tacky mansion. Blair was there and no kids were and, when it came down to it, he’d rather go into the office very late than sit there and think of her instead.

The house was quiet and Todd made his way upstairs to surprise his love. When he pushed her door open, he was greeted by the rather creepy view of her standing in the middle of the room, facing the door, her face steely yet pale. Half of her hair was pinned up, the other half still hanging down, her hands were behind her back and she seemed like she was waiting for... well, something.

Her body relaxed visibly when she saw him. “Todd...” her voice had an almost imperceptible quiver to it. “I’ve asked you not to sneak in here.”

She moved over to her vanity and Todd saw her discreetly sheath a black handled stiletto knife and slip it into one of the drawers. She sat down and continued to pin up her hair but her eyes met his in the mirror.

Todd didn’t exactly know what to say or do. “How many weapons do you _have_ in here?”

She didn’t answer. She just continued pinning her hair up while her eyes flicked to him in the mirror.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. Again.”

“You used to bellow my name whenever you got home,” Blair reminded him.

“I wanted to surprise you.”

“Your being here when you’re supposed to be at work is a surprise. It’s all the surprise I want. Announce yourself instead of creeping through the house like some home invasion. To be honest, I always kind of liked the way you yell my name.”

She was tensing up again and he moved behind her to put his hands on her shoulders. He kneaded her muscles, which were rigid as hell at that moment, and then leaned down to kiss her neck.

“When you first came back and you were telling Hope that story, I was behind you... and you whipped around so fast I thought you were going to hurt yourself. Remember?”

He nodded against her neck. He didn’t like being snuck up on, it’s one reason he had gotten so good at stealth himself.

“I’m just really anxious,” Blair continued. “I’m so tired of this house and I want to get into the new one. All of the bad memories keep coming at me here. I’ll feel more secure in my place.”

He kept rubbing her shoulders as he listened. If he thought about it, it shouldn’t surprise him. When Blair was in a place she called ‘hers’ she did feel secure and she probably hadn’t felt that way since their first marriage. Hell, there wasn’t much in Blair’s life that she could ever call hers when it came down to it.

“Why aren’t you at work?” 

“I wanted to be with you.”

She smiled. “You love your paper.”

“I love _you_ ,” he squeezed her shoulders. “And... I just wanted to be with you more.” He touched the pins in her hair. “What’s all this for?”

“I’m going to take that bath,” Blair stood up and went to the bathroom door. “Care to join me?”

Todd cared a great deal.

=================================================

“You’re getting one of these in the new place, right?”

The jacuzzi tub was spacious and the water was still warm even after a prolonged lovemaking session. Todd lounged happily in the water with Blair’s wet, naked body leaning against him. Her head was resting against his shoulder. His hand slid over her stomach under the water and she sighed.

“One for inside, one for outside.”

“You think of everything,” Todd let his head rest against the side.

“I’ve been planning it for awhile,” Blair replied. “At least a couple of years now. Making sure I had the money to do it and all, planning things out just right...”

“Do you have the money?”

“Don’t worry about me, Todd,” she craned her neck to look up at him. “I’m fine.”

“I’d like to help,” he offered. “It can be ours...”

Blair sat up and shifted her position so that she was sitting across the tub from him. She looked at him seriously and steadily. “I need it to be mine, first. I’ve never had a home that was mine. I need this.”

Todd sighed. It was a hard thing to acknowledge because rejection from Blair, however miniscule, always stung. He clenched his jaw and considered it. He had thrown Blair out of the penthouse because the penthouse belonged to him. He had thrown her out of the very house they were in because he purchased it for Starr’s trust and then wrestled the executor position away from Blair so he could exercise his power over her.

“You know, when we were first married we stayed under your roof,” he reminded her.

“That was Dorian’s penthouse,” Blair replied quickly. “Don’t you remember how fast she tossed us out of there?” A shadow crossed her face and Todd nodded.

“All I’m saying is, if you want to be the one to keep me in your castle, I can prove what a modern guy I am and go with it.”

Blair’s expression was playful skepticism. “Yeah, you’re all kinds of modern, aren’t you?”

“I’m willing to try,” he teased her. “I mean, when I thought I didn’t have a dime and you were definitely getting the short end of the stick, I was living at your place and you were the one buying all the beers.”

“Except that I knew you were rich,” Blair pointed out. “Or going to be.”

“But I didn’t know that,” Todd insisted. “And before you knew I was going to be rich you bought an awful lot of beer for me.”

Blair snorted a laugh.

“You bought me food and you gave me jewelry,” Todd paused for a moment. “I was, like, your young man trophy!”

“What?” Blair threw her head back and laughed.

“Yeah,” Todd warmed up to the comparison. “You know how guys lavish money and jewelry and their little bimbo mistresses... that was me! You were plying me with beer and food and jewelry!”

“Hey, I made that jewelry,” Blair reminded him, still laughing. “I didn’t go to Tiffany’s and bring you something in a little blue bag. But, you know, you were young and had long, beautiful hair... you were my mistress!”

“You were seeing Cord at the time,” Todd cackled a bit. “Maybe being the kept man isn’t so alien to me after all.”

Blair splashed water at him playfully. “If I wanted a young, stupid bimbo... I missed the mark with you. You were young, sure, but you’d been around the block. You weren’t stupid, either.”

“I must not have been, I did manage to land you,” Todd grinned.

“Charmer,” Blair returned the smile. “I’m beginning to prune,” she held her hands up as proof and then turned the drain in the tub.

Todd watched in admiration as she got out of the water and briskly toweled herself off. When she held a robe out for him, he got out as well, and she wrapped it around him, pressing herself against him as she did so.

“You know, I kind of like this morning thing,” she said as she kissed his neck. “Think we can make it a regular sort of deal?”

“I think it’s worth looking into,” he replied as she took his hand and led him to the bed. His robe dropped well before they got there but he didn’t need it anyway. Blair pushed him onto the bed and climbed atop him. Her breathless laugh as she felt him harden against her turned him on even more. “Oh yeah,” he sighed as she guided him inside her. “I think... this should definitely... be a regular thing...”


	39. Chapter 39

It took three days for Viki to get Todd to meet her for lunch at the country club. Todd had given Jack the project of setting up a remote access office for him so he could work from home in the mornings and spend those precious hours with Blair. Jack was proving as technologically proficient as Todd had once been and Todd was working on new projects for his techie son.

The one that he was favoring was letting Jack have the honor of hacking into Kelly’s computer that remained in the office. Todd didn’t particularly care to spend any time figuring out what the bubblehead’s passwords were and thought that allowing Jack the opportunity to break into a computer with his blessing might be a good way to channel his son’s talents.

Viki was waiting at her table when he arrived. He kissed her cheek as he got there and sat down. She didn’t waste any time. “You weren’t exactly spending a lot of time at Llanfair as it was,” she said conversationally. “But Lois did comment that she hasn’t had to make your bed and what small amount of items you had aren’t there anymore.”

Todd nodded. “Yeah, I’m living over at Dorian’s mausoleum at the moment.”

“At the moment?” Viki asked. “And were you going to tell me that you moved out?”

“Are you going to tell me you’re surprised?”

Viki frowned slightly at that.

“You do know,” Todd said slowly, “that if she had let me, I’d have been living with Blair from jump, right?”

“I’m only pointing out that you didn’t say anything,” Viki replied. “You just disappeared!”

“I didn’t disappear,” Todd rolled his eyes. “No one was at the house when I got there to get my things and I wasn’t interested in hanging around.”

“And since then?”

“I figured it’d be obvious where I was and why,” Todd shrugged.

“Blair needed you,” Viki nodded.

Todd eyed his sister. It struck him how little she knew Blair at that moment. Blair was hardly a wounded dove that needed him to soothe her. Blair had turned into some sort of fire-breathing dragon up at their cabin, burning away years of pent up crap between them. He considered altering his old dragon story from several years ago. _Maybe the beautiful Princess Blair was actually a fire-breathing dragon herself and had a spell put on her to make her forget... but the other fire-breathing dragon knew how to make her remember..._

“Todd?”

“Hm?”

Viki gave him a dubious look. She supposed she should be used to Todd’s mind obviously wandering during conversation. It happened frequently. “How is Blair?”

Given that Blair was so reluctant to talk about the whole situation with Asa, Todd was even more reluctant to talk about it with Viki. He didn’t mind talking to his sister about his own issues but Blair clearly didn’t want to speak of it and would not appreciate his doing so with Viki. Blair was a woman who had no problem speaking her mind. He had broached the subject a couple of times since they’d started living together again and Blair hadn’t just brushed him off, she looked annoyed and even perplexed that it was even still a topic worth talking about.

“She’s decorating the house for Halloween.”

That was true. She had enlisted the whole family into getting the decorations out saying she was behind and usually had the house decked out in ghoulish splendor by now.

No one reminded her why she was behind but the kids certainly seemed willing to help out.

_I don’t know if I should be insulted or take advantage of it_ , she had told him in the darkness of the bedroom. _Do they really see me as so fragile that they don’t even moan a little bit when I ask them to help with things like decorating? They usually piss and moan the whole time!_

_They don’t think you’re fragile_ , he had assured her. _They’re just trying to be supportive_.

“That’s not what I meant,” Viki interrupted another reverie.

“I know what you meant,” he shrugged.

“It must have been very difficult for her the other day,” Viki made another attempt. “To open up like that...”

“It wasn’t exactly opening up,” Todd’s words were short. He felt himself getting annoyed and knew that if Viki kept this up he’d take the short trip from annoyed to angry. Viki usually only ever asked about Blair in passing and he had gotten her to admit that she had always seen Blair as another version of Dorian. Viki’s sudden interest, or rather, her pity for Blair rubbed him the wrong way. Blair’s own reasons for staying silent about Asa all these years crystallized into sudden clarity. “She wasn’t confiding in any of you. She was just telling you the truth because it slipped out before and it wasn’t as if anyone in the room was particularly sympathetic to her then.”

“Well, I’m asking now how she’s doing?”

“Why? Because she’s suddenly a victim?”

Viki’s lips pursed together. It seemed that she couldn’t say anything right at the moment. Todd had his hackles raised regarding Blair. “Is everything all right with you and Blair?”

“Why would you even ask that?”

“Well, I know you’ve been pursuing her since you’ve been back...”

“Yeah?”

“So?”

Todd stared for a moment, his lips twisting into a sardonic grin. “Are you asking me if I’ve sealed the deal?”

“Oh honestly,” Viki scoffed. “Must you make everything so... _degenerate_?”

Todd briefly considered being as evil as possible. _Yes, Blair and I have reunited. I’m getting laid on a very regular basis and no longer have to masturbate in your guest bathroom_. A wicked giggle tumbled out of him at the thought of Viki’s expression, which seemed to alarm her.

“I don’t want to know...”

“Blair and I are fine,” he decided to behave after all. As fun as the mental image was, he wasn’t too keen on sharing intimate details about his life with anyone. On the other hand... “But we are planning our own, private little Halloween celebration. What do you think is better? Naughty nurse? Or bad witch?”

“For you or for Blair?” Viki asked drolly.

Todd snickered.

“I’m not going to apologize for being concerned.”

“For me?” Todd asked. “Or for Blair? Here’s the thing, Viki, Blair finally told you all what her marriage to Asa was all about and _now_ you’re concerned about her well-being? She’s going to see right through that, same as me. Like, all of a sudden, you flipped the switch from pleasant acquaintance to legitimately concerned? No, that’s not suspicious at all.”

“I would say that Blair is more of an acquaintance, Todd.”

“Really?” Todd looked skeptical. “Tell me something personal about her that you didn’t learn from me.”

Viki’s own irritation with her brother had reached its breaking point. “Well, I do know that she was absolutely horrified after the trial when she accused Victor, as you, of raping her and started remembering things differently after she had the brain tumor removed. I found her in the crypt crying herself hoarse... and when I asked her what she wanted, she said that if you had come home as yourself she could have been happy.”

Todd’s clenched jaw and pale face told Viki that she had inadvertently stepped over a line. “Mind if I ask you a question, Viki?”

She waited quietly, not liking the clipped words and barely held restraint in his voice.

“Whose side were you on during that particular escapade?”

Viki took a sip of her water. “It’s not as simple as that.”

“You were on _his_ side, weren’t you?”

“ _Your_ side, you mean?”

“I _never_ would have done that to Blair.”

“He didn’t, either,” Viki insisted. “Blair’s tumor altered her perceptions. She didn’t remember things correctly.”

“Did you believe her before all that tumor crap came out?”

Viki hesitated, “Todd, you have to understand the situation.”

“Really? I have to understand? Because rape is a real gray area? Is that it?” Todd felt his stomach turn over.

“She had a brain tumor,” Viki repeated, “and it severely altered her perceptions at the time. Then she started get flashes of what really happened. I found her in the crypt weeping over what she had done to you... and she was there because that’s where she last knew you to be. She went there before, Todd. She didn’t give up on you. She threatened Mitch’s life and made him tell her where you were and she went there...”

If it were possible, Todd’s face got even paler. “I thought... it might have been a dream...” he looked up at his sister. “I heard her. I heard her calling my name... telling me to hold on... That was real. That was _real_.” The rush of emotions that overtook him was breathtaking. “Oh God... I accused her of not bothering to look for me. I told her she didn’t want to find me and I wouldn’t listen to her. Oh _God_!” He covered his face in his hands trying to control the wash of emotion that poured over him. “She came for me... even after everything, she came for me.”

Viki went to her brother’s side, wrapping her arm around his shoulders and leaning against his shoulder. “Yes, she did. I _have_ learned things over the years, Todd,” she said in her soothing voice. “One of those things that I have learned is that Blair Cramer loves you with everything in her. As a Cramer woman and as her own person... that is a _formidable_ strength. She would do anything for you even when everyone else thinks she’d be far wiser to walk away.”

Todd leaned his elbows on the table and scrubbed at his eyes for a moment. Steepling his fingers in front of his face he considered his next move. He desperately wanted to go see Blair and ask her about the crypt and, at the same time, he wanted to go to Victor and kick the crap out of him for engaging in any sexual act with Blair that might have remotely been misconstrued as rape.

He got up abruptly as Viki stepped away. “I have to go.”

“Todd...”

“Sorry, Viki...” he cast a glance at her over his shoulder. “I just... I have to go.”


	40. Chapter 40

Victor was absently flipping through travel brochures when he answered the door. For that reason, he was not prepared for the tornado that was Todd Manning to descend upon him with a fury. They grappled with each other, Todd’s element of surprise gave him the upper hand and allowed him to push Victor back across the foyer against the low table near the stairs and force him down onto it.

Unfortunately, Todd wasn’t exactly in fighting shape. The success he had in escaping Irene’s people had come from stealth and surprise. Even though Todd was lean and muscled, it had been so long since he’d actively participated in a fight that his body just didn’t seem to remember how to do it. He hadn’t had to fight regularly since he’d been in prison for rape and he wasn’t desperate enough to be fighting for his life.

Victor wasn’t exactly a prime fighter, either, but it was a little disconcerting that once the element of surprise was gone he calmed down and seemed to be... clinical in his reaction. He grabbed Todd’s wrist and dug his thumb into a pressure point.

Todd recognized that fighting wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction he was looking for. Thumping Victor’s head against the tabletop, he released him and stepped backwards across the foyer. At least if Victor decided to launch himself at him, he’d have some time to react.

Victor sat up slowly. “What was that for?”

“What the hell did you do to Blair?”

A puzzled expression crossed Victor’s face. “What the hell are you talking about? I haven’t done anything to Blair.”

“You raped her, didn’t you?” Todd demanded.

Realization swept across Victor’s features. “You’re confusing me with Spencer Truman,” he replied. “And that guy caught a pair of scissors in the back a few times so he wasn’t able to finish the job. Thank God.”

Todd scowled fiercely at Victor. “Then what did you go on trial for? What were you convicted for?”

“Oh,” Victor nodded agreeably. “Yeah, I went on trial and to jail for rape. Doesn’t mean I was guilty...” He paused and grinned at Todd. “Unlike you.”

“Blair knows what rape is,” Todd insisted. That fact was very clear to him now.

“She had a brain tumor,” Victor shrugged. “It fucked with her perceptions. Hell, it’s probably the reason she fucked Kevin, too. God knows that Blair in her right mind wouldn’t have shit to do with that idiot.”

Todd had to agree with that.

“Look,” Victor continued. “She initiated the stuff with me, okay? She liked it, too. She must have because her sex life with Eli the psycho was certainly athletic and played with the concept of domination. I heard those two plenty when she was living here. Quite a difference from the ‘I’ll just lay here so I don’t scare Todd’ method, huh?”

Todd blinked, his mind trying to take in all of that without going immediately to Rage Factor 5. Blair never just lay there with him. Ever. He suspected Victor was trying to get to him. Which was confirmed when he refocused on his brother and noted the shark-like smile. “You’re an idiot. Blair liked it so much she accused you of raping her?”

“She had a brain tumor!”

“Yeah,” Todd nodded. “I heard you the first two times. So, if she liked the rough sex so much, you obviously made that part of your regular bedtime thing, huh?”

Victor’s smile faltered a bit.

“Didn’t think so,” Todd lunged at his brother again, slamming him back against the door-jam. He noted with satisfaction Victor’s grunt of pain but his pleasure was short-lived as Victor fought back with a slug to the stomach. They grappled with each other, managing to get some blows in before shoving apart once again breathing heavily.

“I hate you,” Todd hissed. “You took my life and you think it’s a fucking joke... you think the damage you did to my son, my daughter, my wife is _hilarious_.” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, he could taste a hint of blood in his mouth but it wasn’t a torrent so he didn’t concern himself with it too much. “All I wanted was to come home and be with my family again, to have all of those years in captivity washed away just by being with them again... and, instead, I’ve been working my ass off to undo all the damage _you_ did to them!”

“Well, I hate you,” Victor fired back. “You _had_ the life! You had the kids and the family and you had _her_! You had Blair! And you pissed it down your leg every fucking time! It’s so ingrained in you that it was put into me! They put it into me to destroy the very thing I wanted most.. the thing you wanted! A life! With a family! A place to belong! What the fuck is wrong with _you_?!”

“Since when do you care about Blair?”

“I care about Blair because they put you into me, that’s why! And it’s not just her... You had Tea, too,” Victor growled. “You had Tea and you didn’t even _want_ her! She was nothing more than a weapon to you but she’s a woman, a ferocious woman who is worth wanting and fighting for... something you never did because you couldn’t let go of Blair but you couldn’t pull it together and be what she needed you to be, either!

“I fought my way back to Blair countless times,” Victor continued. “She brought me back, she made me hang on... I understand that part about you. Of _course_ you came back and only focused on her. Of _course_ you only looked to Tea to confirm your existence after Blair wouldn’t do it. Every time I found myself fighting for life, I lost a little of that indoctrination... and finally I rebelled against it, against _you_ , against _her_ and took Tea for my own. I could do that. Blair didn’t want me, she didn’t love me, not really... somewhere, I always knew that she wasn’t mine. But Tea could be... Tea is _mine_ because _I’m not you_! And I’m building a life with her and Dani that is going to work because _I’m not you_! I won’t destroy everything that matters to me because _I’m not you_!”

“What _are_ you?” Todd breathed. He studied Victor, noting that his vehemence and anger was quite possibly the first inkling he’d seen that Victor had been a person before Irene conditioned him into a clone.

“What are you talking about?”

“Irene said you had ‘special needs’ but that woman lied about everything so I don’t believe that for a second,” Todd said. “And she wanted you dead pretty badly, too. If you really were what she claimed you were you wouldn’t have been a threat to her at all. You would have just fallen back into your role and taken your place at her side or wherever she stashed you without a word. There’s more to you... there’s got to be.”

Victor’s gaze drifted away as he considered that. He straightened out of his fighting stance, taking a deep breath, then disappeared into the living room without a word, shutting the door behind him.

Todd was left alone in the foyer feeling as if the whole confrontation had been anticlimactic. At the same time, he really wasn’t sure now what he had hoped to get out of it all. His life had never been exactly easy but, these days, it was downright strange. He bent down and picked up one of the papers that Victor had dropped when he first lunged at him. It was about Tahiti. Todd noted that all of the brochures scattered around the foyer were about Tahiti.

Seemed like Victor was planning a trip.

Todd hoped it was permanent. He’d had enough of Victor’s kind of strange.

========================================

“James and I broke up,” Starr said conversationally as she studied a coffee table.

Blair looked at her daughter, then moved to stand between Starr and the table she was looking at. “Okay. And?”

Starr shrugged. “And nothing.”

“Was it mutual?”

“He was a little surprised.”

“You ended it?”

Starr nodded.

Blair waited.

“This is going to sound kind of horrible,” Starr said in a hushed voice.

“You can tell me anything.”

“I got bored.”

Blair smiled, then laughed gently. “That’s not really all that horrible. Especially if it’s the truth.”

“Did you ever have that problem?”

“What getting bored?” Blair asked with a laugh. “Not really... but a lot of men dumped me before I could get to that point. I guess Max must have gotten that way... why else would he cheat? He had a tendency to ‘spice things’ up by philandering.”

“I didn’t cheat on James if that’s what you’re asking.”

Blair shook her head. “No, I’m not. And if you did I certainly wouldn’t be the one to judge you.” She sat down on a nearby model couch. “So what happened?”

“Like I said, I was bored. After that initial rush of something new, and after dealing with emotional crap from our various families, it turns out that I’m really not that interested. We don’t have that much in common. I also can’t stand his brothers and since they’re a reunited family they are always wanting to hang out.

“Ford keeps whining about how Ryder isn’t his baby and I just want to punch him in the throat! That asshole raped Jessica and is whining about the fact that he didn’t get some bonus out of it?” Starr huffed loudly then stilled. “Don’t think I haven’t thought about you and Asa in that situation.”

“Is that why you broke up with James?” Blair asked. “Because of what happened to me all those years ago?”

“No,” Starr said with certainty. “But I can’t make any promises if Langston says anything remotely nice or wistful about that prick the next time we Skype.”

Blair smoothed her daughter’s hair with a smile. “Tell me about James.”

“He doesn’t know or even care about science at all,” Starr complained. “Here I am studying biology and we can’t even have a conversation about it because he forgets anything I explain before I finish a sentence. All he knows about are engines and movies. Look, I’m not going to deny that the _Fast and the Furious_ movies aren’t fun but I can’t have a two hour conversation about them.”

“Not everyone can talk about lizards the way you do, either.”

“That’s what I mean, though,” Starr pointed out. “Shouldn’t we have something in common? What did you and Dad used to talk about when you first started hanging out together?”

“How much we hated everyone else,” Blair laughed. “And when we let our guard down, we talked about how we grew up, and what we wanted in the future. Your Daddy was picking up towels at the country club and dreaming of moving to Key West to be a beach bum while I was starting a cosmetics company. It wasn’t exactly a perfect mesh of lives.”

“So what happened?” Starr had always had a vague sense of her parents’ life together but was actually surprised to realize she didn’t know any details.

“I asked him to stay and work for me,” Blair remembered. “And he asked me to ditch Llanview and come with him to Key West.”

“Mom,” Starr asked hesitantly. “Was Dad in love with you then?”

Blair looked at her daughter quizzically.

“You don’t ask someone to run away with you if you’re just friends,” Starr pointed out.

_What if they’re the only friend you have?_ Blair thought. _And you just don’t want to lose them?_ “Maybe...”

“How do you know, Mom? How do you know when the love of your life walks through the door?”

“You don’t,” Blair said softly. “That’s what makes it so amazing.”

============================================

Todd stared at the racks of nightgowns. His cheek throbbed and he was certain he had a bruise under his eye from where Victor got him. He rubbed the silk and then let the fabric drift through his fingers. It had to be white, that much was certain. He remembered Blair in white silk so many times... when she came down the stairs after his return from Ireland, pressing her lips against his neck when Viki tried to give them some alone time, drifting into his bedroom saying she couldn’t sleep, always white... liquid light...

He sighed lightly and check the sizing.

“Can I help you?”

The salesgirl was eyeing him but Todd couldn’t be bothered. He was too old and had been through too much to be remotely put off when browsing through a lingerie store. “I need a robe to match this.”

“Of course,” she beckoned him to follow her to another rack and pulled out a matching robe for him to look at.

It was strange, he supposed, the he wasn’t looking to buy Blair some slutty outfit, but his dreams of her had always encased her in white or red. And when it came to the bedroom, he seemed to linger on white. Blair had come to him in their bedroom one steamy July night in a short blue thing that he had entertained many a private thought about but he loved her most in white silk and lace.

Knowing that she had come to him when he was tied up and gagged in the crypt, knowing that her voice calling to him was really her, made him think of her as his angel... a fallen angel surely, with wings that were, perhaps, bent and broken, but an angel nonetheless and he wanted to gift her with something suitable.

_Me... I’m red. And Blair’s white. And we got all mixed up._

“Wrap these up,” Todd thrust the items at the salesgirl and followed her to the counter.

“Must be one special lady,” the girl said conversationally.

Todd grunted noncommittally.

“You knew exactly what you wanted, too,” she continued. “A man who knows exactly what he wants is a very attractive thing.”

Was the salesgirl actually hitting on him? While he was buying lingerie for another woman? Todd studied the girl for a moment. She seemed to take that as encouragement. Her fingers traced the line of her scoop-neck top to her cleavage, inviting his eyes to follow.

He focused on her face, instead. “I have a daughter your age.” Which was true. She didn’t look much older than Starr at all.

She offered a breathy giggle. “I wouldn’t mind calling you ‘Daddy.’”

The wave of revulsion that swept over him must have shown clearly on his face because she suddenly looked flustered. She gave him the boxed items and he hurried out of the store, not stopping until he got to his car.

_Did Irene ever say that to Victor Lord?_ Todd remembered the first time he heard about Irene and Victor. He had been twenty-five and even then he was disturbed and grossed out by the mere idea of being a result of an old man seducing a co-ed. But given what Irene turned out to be, Todd wondered if it was really so cut and dried as that.

Either way it gave him the creeps.

_I just got hit on by a girl young enough to be my daughter_ , he shuddered. _How old was Blair when she married Asa? Was that girl in the shop all that younger than Blair was when he met her?_

_Probably not_ , he realized. But Blair was at least around his age when they met so it wasn’t weird to him. And she was in his age range now, too.

He wondered how inappropriate it would be to pull Starr aside one evening and tell her never to have sex with a man who was more than nine years older than her. Maybe Blair would have a good way of addressing that.

=====================================

“I don’t know that any relationship is a waste of time,” Blair told Starr as they made their way home. “Just because you came to a point where James didn’t interest or excite you anymore doesn’t mean it was a waste. Actually, I think you needed his brand more than you think you did.”

“How do you mean?”

“You had a very tumultuous relationship with your first love,” Blair explained. “Ups and downs and ins and outs and more life-threatening than any high school relationship has business being. James was a definite swing from that. I understand that very well.”

“You and Dad?”

“No, Max and I. When Max and I finished our first round... which was just all around awful, really, I took up with Cord who was sweet and kind and gentle and it was exactly what I needed after getting my heart and dignity bruised and stomped on by Max. I met your Daddy before I started dating Cord. You’re a lot better off than I was, you know.”

“How’s that?”

“Well, I never really knew what love was. I was too wrapped up in the fantasy. You... I wanted so much for you to _know_ you were loved so that you wouldn’t make the mistakes I have. You have a much better sense of self than I did at your age.”

“So Cord was your James?”

“In a way...”

“And then you met Dad?”

“I met your father, and became friends, and tricked him into marrying me, and fell in love with him not knowing that I had fallen in love. I’m glad you have a better sense of what love is than I did. I always wanted better for you than what I had.”

“Would you want me to have a love like you do with Dad?”

Blair considered that. “I hope that you find someone who loves you as fiercely as your father loves me. I hope that you find someone who understands you and appreciates all of you the way your father does me. I hope you find someone as faithful as your father is. But I hope that person doesn’t hurt you the way your father has hurt me and I hope you wouldn’t hurt him the way I’ve hurt your father.

“I don’t really worry about that too much because your Daddy and I didn’t have the security and love that you did. Even at our worst, I know you never had a day when you doubted you were loved. You’re not me or your Daddy, you’re you... so I don’t expect you to find your own Todd or even a male version of me. You’re going to find someone who suits you.”

Starr smiled and leaned back in the seat. Her parents had had a rough time of it and, somehow, had managed to create a family together that knew love and loyalty. They weren’t perfect by any means but even knowing the small pieces of her parents’ horrible upbringing, maybe the family they made was darn close to perfect.

What Starr had learned from her parents was that relationships were hard work even if you loved someone with everything in you. They were hard work and there were ups and downs it the good times were there to be cherished. If you loved someone and it was right, you fought for that. And if it wasn’t right, well, Blair probably wouldn’t recommend guns even if she had used more than one in her colorful history.

Starr felt better about breaking up with James. They’d had a nice time together but it wasn’t meant to be and Starr knew better than to try to fake it. She reached across the console of the car and squeezed her mother’s hand.

Maybe Blair wasn’t perfect but she had taught Starr the best lessons a young woman could learn; be yourself, be strong, don’t settle for anything but what makes you truly happy, love with everything you have in you, make mistakes and know you matter.

Starr considered herself the luckiest girl in the world.


	41. Chapter 41

By the time Todd got back to Dorian’s a thick cloud of melancholy seemed to hang over his head. He felt emotionally exhausted. Cassie was heading into the living room just as he walked in and he cursed his luck. At the moment, he didn’t want to converse with anyone and Cassie was one of those types who was too nice to not say something to anyone she knew.

“Hi, Todd,” she said with a smile. “Sam and I were just going to play some Uno. Want to join us?”

He sighed heavily. Sam was a sweet kid and had been his gateway back to life when he first arrived. But even his engaging nephew couldn’t wring the dismal feeling out of him. “I’m going to bed.”

Cassie’s brow furrowed in concern. “Are you okay? Can I get you anything?”

Todd remained forever mystified at how Dorian’s daughter could be so nice. It made him wonder who Cassie’s father was. “I’m just tired,” he said, already heading up the stairs. He could feel her eyes on him and was grateful to reach the second floor and make his way to Blair’s room.

There wasn’t any point for pretense and he wasn’t in the mood for it. Blair hadn’t been kidding when she had mused that he wouldn’t be spending too much time in the bed of the room that was ‘his.’ This was his room, _their_ room, and when he closed the door behind him the scent of Blair drifted around him, comforting and warm. Todd kicked off his shoes and went to close the drapes. He dropped the bag with the contents from the lingerie shop on a chair by one of the windows and shed his coat, effectively covering it up. He’d surprise Blair with it later.

In moments, he had turned the room into a cave, blocking out the light. He stood near the bed and shed his clothes before crawling naked under the covers. He laid his hand on Blair’s pillow, then drew it close, bury his face in it and inhaling. It smelled like her hair and it was comforting.

His conversation with Viki, his fight with Victor, his bizarre run in with the shop girl and his own treacherous thoughts swirled around his mind in a violent cacophony. He tried to filter out the noise by focusing on mundane things.

He approved of Blair’s choice in bed.

He thought the curtains in the room were ridiculous.

The room itself only gave the vaguest hint of Blair. Even here, there wasn’t much of her.

He remembered when she decorated the penthouse. It was bold and sleek but their room, their bedroom was warm with pops of color. He wondered what their room would look like in the new place.

He wondered a lot about the new place as he hadn’t been allowed to see it yet. Blair said it would be soon and he closed his eyes as he thought of the glint in her eyes when she had said so. She was planning something. That couldn’t be a bad thing.

As he considered their new place, imagining all sorts of strange floor-plans and high tech gadgetry since Jack couldn’t stop talking about it. Thinking of their future relaxed him and took his mind off of the crap from the day. Blair had always been able to quiet the noise in his head, thinking about her now helped do the same. He felt his body grow heavy and lulled himself into a state of deep relaxation.

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he heard the click of the door. He heard Blair’s voice whisper his name, pause then whisper slightly louder. He decided to let it ride. He felt too relaxed to move at the moment. He heard the door click shut and then he felt Blair’s hand on his forehead, then the back of his neck.

“I’m not sick,” he murmured, not opening his eyes.

He felt the bed dip slightly as Blair sat next to him. Her fingers toyed with his hair and he couldn’t help the slight smile at her touch.

“It’s not like you to go to bed before dinner,” Blair’s voice was gentle. “Is something wrong? Did something happen at your lunch with Viki?”

Todd shifted slightly so he could open his eyes and look at Blair without getting a crick in his neck. “Today has been a very weird day.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Todd gazed at her for a moment, all shadowy in the darkened room, then folded his arms over his chest and looked away. “Why didn’t you tell me you looked for me?”

It was Blair’s turn to be silent. “When you ranted at me that day, blaming me and saying I didn’t want to find you... I did tell you I looked but you didn’t want to hear it. You wanted to be angry and, really, you had every right to be angry. Maybe not at me... but maybe at me... I still don’t know exactly. Anyway, you wouldn’t have heard me and it just got shuffled to the side since then. How did you know?”

“Viki told me about the crypt,” Todd said.

Blair didn’t say anything. She wasn’t exactly sure if Todd was attempting to lead her somewhere or was just taking his time telling her what he wanted to tell her.

“I heard you. When I was in that crypt,” he explained. “I heard you calling me... telling me to hold on.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her throat tight.

“Why are you sorry?”

“Because I didn’t get to you sooner... I didn’t get to you before you were taken away... I...”

“That was real, Blair,” Todd reached out to take her hand. “For so long, I thought I had dreamt it. But it was real. I had something real to hold onto.”

“You shouldn’t have had to hold onto it. I should have gotten you out.”

“And I should have listened to you about going to Ireland,” Todd smiled. “We should have done a lot of things. Besides, Irene was determined to get me. If you had managed to rescue me, she might have done something to you the next time, or the kids. If it’s one thing I know about my insane mother... nothing would have stopped her.”

“Todd,” Blair shook her head. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell me about the rape.”

“What?”

“You and Victor,” his voice dropped to barely a whisper. “Viki talked about some stupid tumor... so did Victor. He said you liked it...”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“He said you started it.”

Blair was quiet. “Yes,” she murmured. 

“What really happened?” He asked. “And I don’t want to hear about some tumor fucking with your perceptions excuse. What really happened?”

“What really happened was that I had a brain tumor that messed with my head.”

“I thought I just said I didn’t want to hear that.”

“You want to know what happened or do you want me to lie?” Blair asked. “That tumor didn’t exist in a vacuum. God, Todd, do you think I would have fucked Kevin Buchanan if I had been _remotely_ in my right mind?”

Todd snapped his mouth shut. She did have a point there.

“My doctors are uncertain as to how long the tumor affected me,” Blair explained. “When I try to pinpoint it, I can’t do it, either. It didn’t start that night, that was just when it all came together in one big nasty mess. I had so much rage, Todd. So much... it was frightening when I think about it. I said and did things that were overtly cruel and I didn’t burn out the way I usually do when I’m that angry... it festered and simmered and lived inside of me. I’ve been plenty mad at you in the past but after the explosion, the rage disappears... and it didn’t happen that way.”

He considered that. His Blair could certainly hold a grudge but she was right, rage was something that flared up and burned out quickly.

“Everything was so messed up,” Blair shook her head. “Before, after, and it wasn’t until after my surgery that things cleared up for me a bit. Looking back at that time is like... standing apart from my own life. I feel strangely disconnected from it because the tumor really did affect my head.” She reached down with her free hand and touched Todd’s cheek. “Is that a bruise?”

“Victor and I got into it,” Todd admitted.

“About this mess?”

“Yeah,” he looked at her. “He said you liked the sex with him that night... that you had crazy, angry sex with Eli and that you just laid there for me.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“I know,” Todd agreed. “He was trying to get to me. I know damn well you don’t just lay there. I’ve been there every time we’ve had sex. The last thing you are is complacent!”

“Thanks,” Blair said dryly.

“But,” Todd hesitated. “It made me wonder... if maybe I don’t do everything you want in bed. I mean, if you’re starting angry sex with Victor and you’re tying Eli up then maybe that’s something you want to do and...”

“Absolutely not.” Blair was so adamant Todd’s words died on his lips. “Do you know how happy I am that it turned out I did not engage in that rage sex with you? I don’t ever want to do that with you. When we make love... it’s beautiful. It’s always been beautiful. It’s never been about rage or betrayal or anger or hate or revenge. For years, I thought I had destroyed that... but it wasn’t you and that... I can’t tell you how happy that makes me, Todd.

“And Eli... Eli was a toy for me. He was something I used to exert control over. When I finally decided he could be more than just a fuck-buddy I stopped with the bondage games. There’s a difference for me between a piece of meat and a man I care about. I wasn’t interested in that sort of thing even before you were taken away much less now. I wouldn’t play those games with you because I wouldn’t be remotely turned on by something that you suffered through. You were held hostage and tortured, Todd. I would never engage in some S&M - dominance/submission dungeon style of sex with you after that.”

She paused.

“Do _you_ want to engage in that?”

“No,” Todd said immediately. She was right. That last thing that titillated him was the idea of being tied up especially after the last eight years. Even before that, brutal dominance games did nothing for him. After jail and therapy and finally a healthy sex life with Blair he had come to terms with his sexual triggers. He was well acquainted with the dark side and what it did to him. “I’ve been there and done that. It wasn’t a good thing for me...”

“We came too close to crossing that line once,” Blair said quietly. “I know how hard you have worked to put your past behind you and I wouldn’t want to push you to go back to that. Anyway, if that sort of sex was what I actually liked, I never would have put the brakes on us that first night, remember?”

“I remember,” Todd released her hand and sat up, arranging the pillows behind him to lean back against. “I don’t think you know just how much you changed my life that night, Blair.”

She watched him expectantly.

“Remember when I told you that you were the first person I had sex with that I actually liked as a person?”

“Yes.”

“And when I talked about how I used to know what I liked... or thought I liked but after jail and therapy I didn’t have any idea?”

“Yes.”

He took a deep breath. “Making you feel good makes me feel good. You opened a whole new world for me. You know what’s funny?”

“What?”

“People think of you a certain way, you know? Like this... scarlet woman, I guess.”

Blair chuckled wryly. “That’s a very nice way of putting it.”

“But you are the one who showed me what making love really was. Meanwhile, people think that Delgado is this savior or something but, man, if I had given in to what she wanted all those years ago, I would have ended up right where I started. People have no idea what sort of fetishes run around her head... it’s all control and dominance and crap like that. It’s exactly what I used to do in high school and college and exactly the worst thing in the world for me.”

“The Madonna/Whore Complex turned on its ear?”

Todd snorted then drew Blair towards him. “I love you,” he murmured. “You have changed my life over and over and over again. You have made my entire world better. Loving you was the smartest thing I ever did.”

“Your loving me,” Blair replied, “was the first time anyone ever truly loved me. I’m not exactly an easy person to know... but you were the first one to know all of me and love all of me. You were the first taste of real love I ever knew. You say I changed your life? You changed mine, too.”

“I want to make you happy.”

“You do.”

“Is there anything you want from me... here?” He gestured to the bed.

Blair smiled. “Are you asking if I have any fantasies?”

“Maybe.”

“Do _you_ have any fantasies?”

“I spent eight years dreaming of being with you,” he kissed her fingertips. “Hell, sitting on this bed and talking with you was a fantasy of mine while I was locked up. I’m asking you, though.”

Blair let her eyes drift over him. “Are you naked under those covers?”

“Yes.”

“Mm-hmm,” Blair hopped off the bed and started removing her own clothes. “I feel like this is a discussion we should both be naked for.”

“Well... I’m not going to argue with that.”

As Blair quickly shed her clothes, Todd rearranged the pillows again and happily welcomed Blair as she slid under the covers and into his arms. She snuggled against him with a throaty chuckle and kissed his chin. “This feels good...”

Todd was thinking the same thing. It always felt good to have Blair’s body fit against his so perfectly. “So, fantasies... I’ve always wanted to get snowed in with you in a cabin and make love in front of the fire.”

“We’re going to do that,” Todd assured her. “When we have our long weekend up at the cabin we’ll stretch out in front of the fire all you want. You know what I’ve kind of always wanted?”

“Hm?”

“I want to get you a diamond necklace... like a collar that goes all the way up your neck, really shows off that long, graceful neck,” he traced his fingers down that same body part as he spoke. “And I want you to wear that necklace and those black heels with the rhinestones on the back and nothing else.”

Blair laughed lightly. “That’s a very expensive kind of dirty.”

“I like the idea of draping you in jewelry,” Todd said. “I like it when you sparkle.”

Blair scooted back slightly so she could lay on her side and face Todd in the shadowy darkness of the room. She was glad it was dark, that was a perfect place to talk about sexual fantasies. The twilight of the room was like a cloak to help protect and embolden. “I like to re-imagine different times in our lives, too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Blair got more comfortable, folding the pillow under her head. “It’s kind of a ‘knowing what I know now’ sort of thing. I don’t know what would have happened that first time we met if I hadn’t noticed your ankle bracelet and then figured out who you were. It was a little disconcerting.”

“Disconcerting? You ran out so fast you left skid marks on the floor.”

“Ha ha,” Blair replied wryly. “The thing is, I _did_ find you attractive. I _was_ flirting with you.”

“I thought you might be,” Todd nodded. “But given that I was fresh out of jail and had had my heart stomped on about a half an hour before sitting down next to you, I wasn’t exactly quick on the uptake.”

“Yeah, we met when we’d both got majorly burned,” Blair agreed. “So I kind of rewrite it. I think about that time and I kind of downplay the broken hearts angle of it and amp up the fact that we fell in love for real and turn it into a sort of raunchy, dirty, first encounter.”

“How dirty are we talking?” Todd felt his whole body warm as Blair’s voice dropped down to that husky whisper that always turned him on.

“Well, we know what happened,” Blair rolled onto her stomach and propped her chin on her hands. “What if, instead of leaving, I put my purse back on the bar when you offer to buy me another drink. I see your ankle bracelet, I look at you and I recognize you. And you can tell that I do. But I don’t just see the rapist ex-con. I see you. And you can tell that, too.

“So, I ask you if you’re going to buy me that drink, you do, and we start flirting again. A brush of my hand against yours...” Blair brushed the back of her hand against his. “The touch of a leg...” she did the same with her knee against his thigh.

Todd could easily picture what Blair was describing. He had actually entertained different endings to some of their encounters a time or two as well. He found himself getting into the scene Blair was setting. “What are you wearing?”

“Oh, just a blouse,” Blair sighed. “And a skirt. A short skirt.”

“How short?”

“Just above the knee.”

“Okay,” he whispered. “I can picture it. So what happens next?”


	42. Chapter 42

“What happens next?” Blair smiled into the dark really settling in to the story she was telling. “Okay, well, we’re flirting, right? And as we have another drink we’re sending out all the signals. I keep finding ways to touch you. Sliding my hand down your arm,” she reached towards him and did just that. “Squeezing your hand,” again, she echoed her words with action. “Playing a little footsie.”

“And what am I doing?” Todd asked.

“You’re hesitant at first,” she replied. “But then you see that I’m interested so you start playing, too. You lean close and talk in low tones, your breath in my ear or against my neck. You stare at my mouth, your eyes flick down to my breasts once or twice...”

“Or more,” he added. “Are you wearing one of those low cut things?”

“Sure,” she agreed.

“Then I’m staring at them every now and then, no reason to pretend otherwise.”

“Okay,” Blair played along. “And I’ll pretend I don’t notice but I’ll make sure to sit or lean in the right ways to give you a good look.”

Todd chuckled appreciatively. This was fun. More fun than he would have expected when he brought up the subject, actually.

Blair had a talent for making things fun.

He reached out and ran the back of his hand down her back. “It’s alright if I touch you while we do this, right?”

“If you don’t,” Blair breathed, “then I am doing something very wrong. Telling this story is supposed to make you want to touch me. It’s supposed to make you want to do a lot of things.”

“Good,” he grinned into the darkness. “Then I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.”

“Do you want to dance?”

“Right now?”

Blair giggled. “In the fantasy, silly.”

Todd pulled the covers down to Blair’s butt, then leaned over and kissed the small of her back. “This is your story, babe. You tell me.”

“Okay,” she sighed as she felt his breath skim along her skin. “So the regular crowd is beginning to filter out. Just a few stragglers here and there and even they are slowly filtering out. A song comes on the jukebox... it’s slow and sexy and I want to dance. I want to feel your arms around me and I want your body pressed against mine. I ask you... and you give me this startled look like it hadn’t even occurred to you.”

Todd gave a wry chuckle at that. Blair did know him better than anyone, after all.

“I get off the barstool and crook my finger at you.”

“I know that move.”

Blair rolled onto her side and reached for Todd. He slipped into her arms as she beckoned to him and kissed her before she continued with her tale.

“You finally decide to go for it, so you come towards me with that cocky walk of yours.”

“I have a cocky walk?”

“Mm-hmm,” Blair murmured. “You have this cocky, jock walk and I love it because you don’t use it much. It’d come out after a fight with Kevin Buchanan... or with Max. Sometimes, it showed up when you knew that I was yours completely and you were either rubbing it in someone else’s face or about to come after me to claim your prize.”

“Claim my prize, huh?” Todd nuzzled her neck. “So, tell me the next time I do it.”

“No way,” she breathed. “I like that you don’t know that you do it. That’s what makes it so sexy.”

“Fine,” he flicked her earlobe with his tongue. “Where were we?”

“You come out to the dance floor with me,” Blair reminded him.

“What’s the song?”

“Um...” Blair wracked her brain. It was hard to think at the moment. “How about... ‘Take it to the Limit’ by the Eagles.” It was slow, it was sexy but it wasn’t distracting, either.

“Okay... go on.”

Blair smiled as he kissed her neck. She was thrilled at how much Todd seemed to be enjoying this. She pushed him back a little. “Well, at first, you’re cautious, holding me at arm’s length. Hand on my waist, like so...” She put his hand on her waist to demonstrate. “But as the song plays, I move forward. I play with your hair... remember it was pretty long back then.”

“I remember...”

“And from your hair to...” she traced the shell of his ear with her fingertip. “...those ears... the magic spot I didn’t even know existed... until just that moment.”

Todd felt himself blushing in the dark. Was it a good thing that Blair knew his ears were an ignition switch to an instant hard-on? He supposed it was in some situations but he could think of times long past when it was definitely not. It was hard to stay mad at her when she could get him aroused so easily.

“When I touch you there,” Blair continued, “you pull me forward. You hand moves...” she nudged his hand from her waist down around the curve of her ass and Todd happily complied. “Soon, we’re pressed together and that’s when we kiss. Tentative first... soft...” she brushed her lips against his, “but more demanding, more promising.”

Todd kissed her exactly the way she described and was delighted to prolong the imagined dance-floor make-out session. “The first time we kissed... we were dancing.” He said as they slowed.

“I know,” she stroked his face gently. “I didn’t want that to change. I love our first kiss.”

“Me too...”

“So, the song ends,” she continues. “Now Rodi’s is really almost empty. There’s a pool game going on and the bartender is eyeing them and us impatiently. I think he wants us all to get the hell out so he can close up.”

“Fuck him,” Todd growled.

Blair laughed lightly. “I say that I need to go powder my nose and why don’t you get us some more drinks and find us a booth in the back.”

“Those booths were make-out central back then.”

“Then we’re on the same page, aren’t we?” Blair let her fingers drift down his chest. “I go to the bathroom and while I’m in there... I take off my underwear... bra and panties and put them in my purse because I’ve already made up my mind. I’ve already made my decision that this night is not ending without you being inside me.”

Todd unleashed a feral growl and rolled on top of her, slanting his mouth over hers and very nearly devouring her. When he pulled back his eyes glittered in the darkened room. “Can you keep telling this story while I do... stuff?”

“I guess we’ll find out, won’t we?”

“Keep going, then.” His mouth began a slow descent down her body.

“When I join you at the booth, you can tell the bra is gone,” Blair whispered breathlessly. “Your eyes zero in on my breasts. I slide into the booth next to you and you don’t waste any time. You lean in and kiss me, sliding your arm around me. I can feel your fingers over my top, feeling for the bra that isn’t there and I can feel you smiling against my mouth.

“You pull my top out of my skirt and your hand goes under it, teasing, cupping, touching...” Blair moaned softly as Todd did with his hands what she was describing. “You look around, but you picked the perfect spot for us... no one can see us, so you pull my top up, baring me to you and you put your mouth on my breast...”

Todd did exactly as she said, his mouth hot and wet. He swirled his tongue around the nipple before switching to the other breast and letting his fingers play with the one he just left.

Blair was feeling overwhelmed. This was far more erotic than she had anticipated. It felt like fireworks went off on whatever part of her body Todd touched. It was getting increasingly difficult to think straight. “Where was I?”

“Right here,” was Todd’s muffled reply as his flicked his tongue over her other nipple.

“Right... right...” Blair fisted the sheets in her hand. “You move back up, kissing me again, our tongues just barely touching... then sliding against each other in deep, deep kisses. Your arm is around me, your hand against my back, the other hand is squeezing my breast... as we kiss, it starts to move lower, skimming down my waist, curving over my hips,” her breath caught as Todd’s teeth scraped against her pert nipple and she let it out in a hiss between her teeth as she felt his hand descend as she narrated.

“I’m unbuttoning your shirt,” she continued. “I need to touch you, feel your skin under my hands. Your hand moves lower, down to the knee and then back up, tracing a teasing line along my inner thigh... under my skirt... as I spread my legs for you. Your fingers... tease... sliding against me... toying... oh God...” It was definitely hard to maintain concentration. He was doing exactly what she said, teasing her with his fingers and she could practically see the self-satisfied smirk on his face as he watched her.

“It doesn’t end there does it?” Todd nibbled on her collar bone his breath coming fast and heavy.

“I,” Blair moved her hips towards the hand he had between her legs. “I reach for you... your belt, undoing it and sliding my hand over that big... hard... cock...”

Todd hissed in appreciation as she grabbed that very member she referred to. It was, indeed, hard as a rock at the moment.

“And that’s when you slide your finger into me...”

He followed her direction again and her voice sailed up in octave in delight. She grabbed his hair in both fists and brought his mouth to hers. “Make me come,” she whispered when their lips parted.

“Is... is that part of the story?” Todd asked. “Do we do it there in the booth?”

“No,” Blair shook her head. “Not yet but... god... baby... I’m losing the narrative a bit.” If she didn’t get a release soon she was going to scream.

“Do I go down on you in the booth?” Todd asked. “We’re still in the back where no one can see us, right? You’ve been presenting yourself like a feast for me... if I know me, and I think I do, I’m dying for a taste.”

“Yes,” Blair nodded feverishly. It wasn’t exactly how the fantasy went but when Todd suggested it, it worked for her. It was her fantasy, after all, and she loved Todd’s oral talents. It suddenly seemed ridiculous that she hadn’t imagined that scenario. “You cast another look across the bar and then slide down, pushing my skirt over my hips and spreading my legs even wider. And then I feel your tongue, fluttering...”

Her words dissolved into a loud gasping moan as Todd’s tongue fluttered between her legs just then. Blair didn’t worry about narrating this part. Todd knew what he was doing and she gave herself over to those lips, that tongue and those fingers until she spiraled into a dizzying climax. Todd took his time crawling up her body again. “Now what,” he whispered, rubbing his body against hers. “Do I get you naked and have you there on the table?”

“No,” Blair swallowed, catching her breath. “Not this time anyway... the bar is empty now.”

“Where’d the rest of them go?”

“The pool players left... maybe the barkeep left, too. Forgot we were there, hiding in the booths being painfully quiet even as we were turning each other on so much. The lights switch off and the front door closes,” she let the description go on. “We can hear the locks being latched. The only light is from the jukebox and the neon lights on the wall.”

Todd shifted his hips, encouraging Blair to make room for him again. He could sense they were coming into the home stretch. She wound her legs around him, stroking the backs of his calves with the bottom of her feet.

“I suggest a game of pool,” she whispered huskily.

“Pool? Now?” Todd asked, his voice squeaking in surprise. “Really?”

“I lead you over to the table and go to rack the balls up, leaning over the edge of the table. You come up behind me, pressing against me... I can feel you, hard and hot and ready and I know that you know how to use a stick.”

Todd chuckled appreciatively. “When are you going to let me prove that?”

“Now,” she breathed. “I can’t wait anymore. I turn around and shove that shirt off of you and when I undo your pants, you lift me onto the side of the table and then...”

Todd plunged into her then not waiting for the story to tell him to do so. The moment they joined the story was over anyway. He looped one of Blair’s legs over his arm, spreading her open more and made love to her with long, deep strokes. Blair bucked her hips, meeting him thrust for thrust. After a moment, she pushed at him. 

“But that’s not how I want it to end...” she sat up, pushing him backwards until she had room to turn around and get on all fours. She looked over her shoulder at him. “I want you to bend me over the table and take me that way.”

An appreciative groan came out of Todd as he positioned himself behind her and slid in again, gripping her hips tightly for momentum. It wasn’t long before his long, slow strokes turned to short, fast ones. Soon, Blair was again spiraling into a climax with Todd happily following her.

“Oh my God,” she finally murmured as Todd flopped onto the bed beside her, panting heavily. When she looked at him, she could see the huge grin on his face.

“I’m not imagining things, right?” He asked her as they caught their breaths. “That was unbelievable, right?”

“Hell yes,” she agreed. She giggled as Todd’s delirious laugh bounced around the room and scooted closer to him. 

He wrapped her in his arms. “Can we do that for real?”

Blair laughed again. “I think we’re about fifteen years too late to try that at Rodi’s.”

“Well, maybe not exactly that...” Todd acquiesced. “But something like some long drawn out foreplay like that. God, Blair, when you did the whole thing where you came back without the bra and panties... that was unbelievably hot. I think that ranks up there with the best, doesn’t it?”

Blair nodded. She was pretty certain that Todd had just taken the crown back from Eli Clarke. Nothing could have made her happier.

“I think you just blew my dragon story out of the water.”

“That wasn’t exactly about sex.”

“Maybe not,” he kissed her. “But you’re something else. You gave me the best Christmas present I ever had and now you told me the best bedtime story I’ve ever heard.”

“You just liked the audience participation.”

“It wouldn’t have been as good without the picture you were painting,” he assured her. “It’s nice to imagine that but I... I wasn’t ready for you back then.”

“Neither was I,” she hugged him tightly. “That’s what makes it fun to go back. I wouldn’t change how we came together... how we became friends... how we really cared about each other. That story... that’s the whole point of a fantasy. Now it’s your turn.”

“Right now?” Todd sounded unsure. 

“Just think about something you want to make different, something you’d like to go back and have some fun with. Take your time and surprise me.”

Todd nodded. “I can do that.” He could think of a few things off the top of his head but he decided to set them aside. He was going to enjoy this moment.

It was worth savoring.


	43. Chapter 43

“Uncle Todd, are you okay?” Sam asked the next morning at breakfast.

“Sure, Sam,” Todd nodded. “Why?”

“You went to bed early yesterday.”

“Oh, yeah,” Todd smiled at his nephew. “Well, I wasn’t feeling too great when I got back yesterday so I just went to bed. Your Mom came and took care of me, though.”

“She’s good at that,” Sam agreed.

“Yeah, she sure is.” It wouldn’t do to give anything away there. Sam would be too young to pick up on such things but Starr and Jack were both eyeing him. Starr had a vaguely smug look on her face and Jack wore one of mild distaste. Of the two, Todd thought he preferred Jack’s. No one should be as interested or happy about their parents’ sex life as Starr seemed to be but that was his doing when he enlisted her as his spy when she was still so young.

Well, he sacrificed his daughter’s disgust at her mother’s sexual escapades for the sake of keeping said mother from bearing the rotten fruit of Max Holden.

Todd considered that. Some things were worth a sacrifice and Starr didn’t seem to suffer from it too badly. He’d have to sit down with his eldest and explore that a bit.

Blair breezed into the room then holding an iPad. “Okay, Mannings,” she announced. “We have a lot of busy weeks coming up so it’s time to go over the game plan. Halloween is Monday which means there are parties this weekend I’m sure everyone has plans to go to and I need to know who is trick or treating and when so we have someone handing out the candy here at all times. Starr, you’ve got the youngest, what’s the plan?”

“Jack and I are taking Hope out early. We’ll be back around 6.”

“Okay, then Sam and I are going out after that. Todd?” Blair looked at him. “You coming?”

“They day I turn down free candy is the day I’m dead,” he replied with a grin.

“Tyler and England are coming over to watch movies, too,” Jack said. “Some classics.”

“Ooo,” Blair’s eyes lit up. “ _The Exorcist_? _The Omen_? _Rosemary’s Baby_? _The Shining_?”

“Why are you so obsessed with demonic possession?” Jack asked wearily. “I’m talking _real_ classics. _Nosferatu_ and _Dracula_.”

“You have a friend named England?” Starr asked, eyebrows raised skeptically.

“We call him that because he’s from England,” Jack explained. “It was easier to go with that than to listen to him explain why St. John is pronounced Sinjin for the hundredth time.”  
“Which one is he?” Blair asked. 

“The tall, black kid with the English accent.”

“Okay,” Blair nodded. “So you boys have the basement. Try not to call forth any spirits of the netherworld while you’re down there, it’s easy to do on Halloween.”

“How would anyone be able to tell in this house?”

Todd grinned at Jack’s comment. He’d been thinking the same thing.

Jack caught Todd’s grin and did a hesitant double-take before scowling slightly. Todd’s grin widened. For some reason, Jack’s discomfort at Todd’s affection for him humored him. After a moment, Todd turned his attention to Sam.

“So what are you going as?”

“It’s a surprise!” Sam replied loftily.

“You’ll see it this weekend,” Blair added. “Since Sam is going to the party at Ryan and Rachel’s on Saturday.” She glanced at Todd and mouthed ‘Twins.’

Todd figured Ryan and Rachel probably got along better than he did with his twin, even if their parents went the cliche route of giving them matching ‘R’ names.

“Can I go to Logan’s party on Friday?” Jack asked. “All of the soccer guys are going.”

“You have a friend named Logan?” Starr asked with a laugh.

“Do you have a problem with my friends’ names?” Jack tossed back. “I’m sorry they aren’t as normal and everyday as ‘Langston’ or ‘Markko.’ But since you dumped James, you clearly don’t like ‘boring’ names!”

“Were you listening in when I Skyped Langston?”

“You have a shrill voice that carries!” Jack bellowed. “Especially when you leave your door open! I had to put on noise cancelling headphones and sit in my closet when you started talking about how you were going to miss his technique in the sack!”

“Jack!” Starr looked outraged.

Todd winced at the mention of his daughter having sex. His tiny Peanut of a grand-daughter was living, breathing, mischievous evidence that Starr wasn’t his little Princess Shorty anymore but it still wasn’t something he liked thinking about. “All right, all right, can we not... go there?”

“Oh please,” Jack snorted. “Like the whole house doesn’t know what you and Mom were doing last night? Or every night since you’ve moved in?”

“Not helping your case for Logan’s party, Jack,” Blair’s quiet voice cut right through the chaos at the table.

“Mom!!”

“You are still on probation,” she reminded her son. “If I give you permission to go to this party, I’m going to need to see a reason to take the chance. Also, if I give you permission to go, your curfew is 10:30.”

“What’s the point of going then?”

“You tell me.”

Jack snorted. “Can I be excused?”

“No, we have more stuff to go over.” Blair pointed at Todd. “You and I have a date night on Tuesday.”

Todd straightened in his seat. “We do?”

“Yes.” That was all she said on the matter before moving on. “I have a security guy coming on Wednesday so I need everyone here at 3:00 on the nose. No exceptions. We’re all getting our thumbprints put into the mainframe for the new house. Speaking of which,” she gave each of her children a stern look. “The move is happening before the end of November. I’m going to have all of your spring and summer clothes packed up by the end of the week. And then we’ll start working on the things you actually use now. If there is anything in your room that you don’t want me to see, you better pack it yourself, you got me?”

“Yes,” came the slightly disgruntled chorus.

“Your father and I are taking a long weekend up at the cabin the week before Thanksgiving. Cassie is going to be here and I’m going to trust that the three of you can manage to drag yourselves out of bed on a Friday and a Monday without me there to crack the whip. If all goes well, I’d love for us to have Thanksgiving in the new place but that’s going to require a lot of work from everyone.”

Todd raised his hand hesitantly.

All eyes focused on him.

“Have you learned how to cook in the last eight years?”

Blair scowled at him. “Says the man who goes ga-ga over my chicken salad.”

“Well,” Todd hedged. “Not everyone likes turkey as much as you do. It’s often dry and tasteless.”

“What are you talking about?” Jack said. “Mom’s turkey is the best.”

“It’s awesome,” Sam chimed in.

“Seriously,” Starr nodded. “Aunt Dorian and Aunt Viki would probably sit at the same table for Mom’s gravy. It’s that amazing.”

Blair looked positively smug. “Well, Todd, I guess you’re going to get to experience my Scottish Heavy turkey this year.”

“Scottish Heavy?” Todd asked. “Like that beer you have at your club?”

“The very same,” Blair nodded, still smug. “I’m emailing this schedule to everyone’s phone. It will remind you of what’s expected in the next month. Now everyone can be excused. Jack?” she stepped towards her son as the breakfast nook cleared out. “Let’s talk about this party.”

 

====================================================

 

“I think Jack is familiar with the concept of Good Cop/Bad Cop,” Todd said later. “And I think he caught onto the fact that you were letting me be the Good Cop and arguing his case, too.”

Blair shrugged. “I may have played it up a bit so he could see you going to bat for him. I’m used to being the Bad Cop anyway.”

“Sorry.”

She didn’t reply to that and Todd figured there wasn’t anything for her to say. He had been a poor disciplinarian and had often encouraged bad behavior if it meant getting Blair riled up when it suited his purposes.

“You look tired.”

Blair put down her iPad then. “Oh, you just say the sweetest things to me, Todd. All the time, sweet nothings in my ear.”

Todd shrugged. She wasn’t that mad. “Am I keeping you up at night?”

“That’s not why I’m tired.”

“Something else?”

“New house, really, and the holidays coming up,” Blair sighed. “I love this time of year but I want us to be moved and settled so we can enjoy it.”

“One day at a time, sugar.”

She stared at him, a teasing smile curling the corners of her mouth. “Sugar?”

“I’m trying something.”

“Keep trying,” she replied. “You’re no southern belle.”

“You are,” he teased.

She snorted. “Not hardly. Florida is generally not considered to be a part of the South. And I was no belle. Not even close. I didn’t even rank as white trash.”

“I was a preppy jock.”

“Our paths would never have crossed in high school,” Blair laughed. “I was very good at completely blending into the scenery. I never wanted to be noticed. Being noticed was horrible.”

“What changed?”

“I grew into my looks, so to speak,” Blair shrugged. “I’ve got plans for us on Halloween night so don’t stuff yourself with candy like you used to.”

“I only did that during the celibate part of our relationship,” Todd pointed out. “What kind of plans?”

“Special plans.”

“What kind of special plans?”

“Special plans that involve costumes.”

“Have I unleashed a monster with all of this fantasy talk?”

“Don’t say that like you didn’t enjoy last night.”

Todd chuckled. No, he couldn’t pretend he didn’t enjoy Blair’s re-imagining of the first time they met into a hot encounter that involved him baring her in a public place and taking her from behind on a pool table. The sex last night had been incredible.

Victor could just shut the fuck up.

“What about our date night on Tuesday?”

“You said you wanted to see the new place.” Blair smiled. “I’m singing that night and you can see where we’re going to live.”

Todd opened up his laptop and connected to his desk at work. “Sounds like a plan to me. I think it’ll be nice to live in a place that looks like you belong there for a change.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Todd gestured around the living room of Dorian’s place. “This has never been ours. Even went Dorian went insane that one time and painted this room up like a bordello on ‘Gunsmoke.’ We never belonged here and I want to see the place we do belong.”

“You don’t spend much time at the office anymore,” Blair remarked, watching him work.

Todd shrugged as he studied the layout on his screen. “The Sun kind of runs itself these days. Briggs’ daughter runs things even more efficiently than her old man did. She’s on top of the online editions, too. Besides, I don’t have a new assistant yet and it’s a pain in the ass to try to get anything done when people think they can just walk right into my office.”

“When are you going to get a new assistant?”

“When someone who isn’t an idiot applies for the job.”

They were silent for a while before Blair spoke up again. “Remember when you were first building The Sun? Everything about it excited you. The name, the layout, hiring and firing, and then getting in there and digging up stories. You’d lose time there, you’d disappear into that office and I’d have to come looking for you because I hadn’t heard from you for twelve hours.

“Every time you’ve come back to Llanview, getting your paper back and getting behind that desk has been the most important thing to you.”

“That’s not exactly true...”

“The Sun has always mattered to you. It was yours completely and you loved being there. What’s changed?”

Todd stared at the screen for several moments. “I have.”

Blair waited for him to expand on that.

“When I was building The Sun, reshaping it, I was married to a woman I knew didn’t love me. It scared the hell out of me to try to put too much effort into us because I would see the way your body would change whenever you even heard Cord Robert’s voice... I knew where I stood. I figured the best thing I could do was to provide for you and our baby. That was practical and reasonable and I wasn’t much for flights of romantic fancy back then.

“Plus, I had this friend who suggested I ‘do’ rather than ‘dream’ and make myself a million dollars. Even though all that money got handed to me, I figured I could make something for myself, finally. I didn’t necessarily trust anyone else. Maybe I still don’t. Anyway, The Sun was something I could build and control and handle and it gave me pride to be able to do that. I guess I did it too well because my paper survived very well without me. Like I said, it runs itself.”

Todd turned and looked at Blair. “But my family needs me more than the paper ever did. You need me and the kids need me and everything I held back from all those years ago are the very things I want to dig in and get my hands dirty with. My paper is fine. I give it the attention it needs and it’s a way for me to spend time with Jack which is good.

“But our family, sitting around the breakfast table talking about plans for Halloween and Scottish Heavy turkey is the most worthwhile thing I think I’ve ever done in my life. You need me. You need me to be here and sit with you... and I need to sit here and talk with you about shit like this because it’s the kind of thing we used to talk about a million years ago when we were just friends and I never thought a woman like you would look twice at a chump like me.” He sighed. “This is what I need to rebuild.”

“I love you.”

His eyebrows lifted slightly in question.

“I think maybe you need to hear that from me as often as possible,” Blair mused. “Maybe you’re not the only one that needs to rebuild things. And maybe... you’re ready to hear me say ‘I love you’ as often and as many times as I want to say it. There were times you didn’t want that at all.”

“Guess I’m kind of a mess, aren’t I?”

Blair snorted through her nose and stuck out her hand. “Blair Cramer, nice to meet you. I’m something of a mess myself or haven’t you noticed?”

“Oh, I’ve noticed. I’ve noticed everything about you.” He shook her hand but didn’t release it. He held it then placed his other hand over hers. “That’s a beautiful name, Blair Cramer.”

“Thanks.”

“It’d be even more beautiful if it were Blair Manning.” He gazed at her. “There was a time you preferred that name.”

“A time of stables and saddles,” she breathed. “To be honest, I’ve always preferred it.”

“So... what are we going to do about it?”

Blair looked at him as he smiled at her and captured that moment forever.


	44. Chapter 44

She stood out. She always did.

Her coat was cobalt blue which set off the blonde in her hair beautifully and she was standing under the vibrant yellow ginko trees.

He was with her. They were holding hands.

She was pointing up at the leaves and he was staring at her. A cold gust of late October wind blew through the park. A swirl of bright yellow leaves lept off the tree they were standing under, twirling about as they floated to the ground.

Effortlessly, he reached up and plucked one out of the air. He held the leaf out to her and she took it, then wound her arms around his neck, kissing him.

They kissed for several moments.

When they parted, his eyes zeroed in on the bench further down the path. Where he sat.

Tomas sighed when he saw Todd’s lips move and then Blair’s back straightened and she whipped around to see him. Her eyes narrowed and she stormed over to him.

“What do you want?”

There was a time when her greetings were far less accusatory. He missed those times.

“Nothing,” he replied.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m painting.” The Brandywine Park was spacious and beautiful. The trees were thick and in their autumn regalia and the waterway made for some scenic landscape opportunities. He gestured at the three canvases he had in various states of completion.

Blair’s ire cooled minutely but she still looked pissed off. Tomas suspected that his very presence pissed her off.

“How’s the investigation going?” Todd spoke up.

Tomas shifted his eyes to Todd. "Slowly," he replied. "It's very delicate work sifting through all of Irene's intel."

"How delicate?" Todd didn't look like he believed Tomas. "Am I going to have to worry about anyone coming after my family? That's my biggest worry."

"I really can't get into details," Tomas whispered.

"Typical," Blair hissed. "It's not like we should expect him to be forthcoming with any _real_ information. That would be completely out of character."

Tomas pressed lips together tightly while Todd smirked at him. It was bad enough that he had lost Blair but to have Todd know how badly he lost her hurt a great deal.

"Look," Blair turned to Todd. "If we want information we go to McBain. John knows better than to turn me down for anything."

Todd raised his eyebrows. "I don't know if I like the sound of that..."

Blair grabbed Todd's hand and jerked him down the pathway heading towards the river. Tomas looked after them sadly and then picked up his canvas and begin to paint again. Art soothed him and, at the moment, he needed soothing.

"Are we in a race?" Todd asked as Blair pulled him along.

Blair stopped when they reached the part of the path that was next to a small waterfall. The sound of the rushing water helped cover their voices. "What are you worried about?"

"Worried? I'm not worried."

" _Bullshit_!" Blair hissed. "If you weren't worried what were you asking Tomas about?"

"I was just making conversation!"

"Bullshit again!" She heaved a heavy sigh. “You were just talking about someone else coming after your family. You haven’t breathed a word of that concern to me. Why?”

He didn’t say anything.

Blair’s green eyes narrowed into slits.

Todd never liked seeing that directed at him. She reminded him of a cobra in those instances and he was the furthest thing he could think of from a mongoose at the moment. He wondered if Blair had ever flicked her tongue when her eyes narrowed like that. Was said tongue forked? If he touched her right now, would she be scaly? Was she turning into a snake before his eyes?

Was that why people feared and reviled Blair? Was she part snake? Did that go with the dragon analogy he had dreamed up over his lunch with Viki? Snakes and dragons were kind of related, weren’t they? Even if one of them was mythical. Was the serpent in the Garden of Eden actually Blair’s ancestor? It would make an infinite amount of sense to him if Original Sin was actually at the hands of some Cramer Serpent rather than the lesser beings that Eve’s progeny descended from.

What did that make him?

Blair reached up and smacked Todd on the forehead. He was doing that weird finger thing like he did when they were waiting for his turn at the hospital. He wasn’t chanting his mantra this time but his eyes were unfocused and he was clearly spinning something around in his brain faster and faster and faster.

When she smacked him, Todd blinked and focused on her again.

“What is it about me that you find so completely untrustworthy?” she asked.

“It’s not you,” Todd assured her, getting jerked out of his reverie so suddenly didn’t give him time to think up something better so he was weirdly truthful. “It’s me.”

“If all you’re going to do is quote teen-aged break up bullshit, I’m going to break your legs and throw you in that river.”

Todd’s lips turned up in a smile. “I’d just crawl out again, Blair. Water can’t keep me down. Never could.” He noticed Blair studying him. “What?”

“I’m just trying to sort through a few things. You didn’t used to go so deep into your own head. You’d go there plenty, I remember. You’d brood, you’d seethe, you’d disappear in your office for hours on end, you’d throw yourself into your work but you didn’t quite completely disconnect. Your brain is always spinning… probably why you always had such trouble sleeping.”

“Believe it or not, that didn’t happen until therapy,” Todd replied. “When they started pushing me to think about things, reflect on things, study my emotions and responses to things, figure out where it all led me… I couldn’t stop. I may have been a complete waste of a human being back in the day but at least I could sleep at night.”

Blair nodded shortly, ignoring his quip for the time being. “Victor disconnected. And now, you come as close as I’ve ever seen to doing the same. You don’t quite do it, though.”

“Are you comparing me to Victor?” Todd’s voice got low and threatening. His jaw clenched as he stared at Blair.

“No,” she replied. “I’m just thinking that it might be Irene’s influence… for as long as she had you, you clearly had to come up with some sort of defense mechanism. But given that it’s similar to Victor’s complete disconnect I wonder if that’s what she was trying to do all along… disconnect you from yourself which would make you more malleable to her wishes. The thing is, she wasn’t able to wipe your sense of self out. Say what you will about hating yourself, Todd, but you, at least, know who you are and she wasn’t able to take that away.”

Todd hadn’t thought about it that way. “I lost… time... when I was there.”

Her eyebrows arched in question.

“I’d go away… in my head… it was the only place they couldn’t reach me. I’d lose myself in memories, reliving them, just complete immersion so whatever they were doing to me wouldn’t matter. I was surprised when they pulled me out the last time. They told me what year it was and I couldn’t believe it, I’d retreated so completely…” he trailed off. It wasn’t easy to talk about.

Blair engulfed him in her arms. She was wearing riding boots for their jaunt in the park so she was a few inches shorter than him. She was the perfect height for him to press his nose against the top of her head. She smelled like flowers and it warmed him to his toes. He didn’t feel the cold breeze blowing off the water anymore. He just felt her.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” she murmured. “I hate what they did to you but… I’m so glad you’re strong, you’re strong enough to figure out ways to beat them. You had a place to go.” She paused. “Victor doesn’t even have that. No wonder he’s such a fucking basket-case.”

The comment didn’t have the bite it normally would. “You sound like you feel sorry for him.”

“I guess I do,” she nodded. “Because not having your own sense of self? That’s horrible. That’s just really sad.” She pulled away from him, brushing under her eyes with her fingers. “So… tell me… what are you afraid of?”

He should have known she wouldn’t forget. Blair never forgot. It was one thing people constantly underestimated about her. He sighed. “I’m afraid… of what I don’t know.”

She understood immediately. He could see that and felt several knots of tension unravel. “Okay,” she said. “Fill me in.”

Todd took a deep breath and stared at the river sweeping by before he explained everything. What ‘it’ had actually been, that Irene had been desperate for it, and that he had turned it over to John McBain and demanded to be kept abreast of what they found when they dug through it. “I know they brought Delgado in,” Todd jerked his chin back in the direction of the bench that Tomas had occupied. “Every time I asked McBain about it, he’d tell me it was all delicate and they needed to take their time.”

“Typical,” Blair snorted. “Okay, well…” she tapped her chin as she thought. “Guess we’re going to have to divide and conquer.” She stepped away, still tapping her chin, and put together a plan. “Okay, I’ll go to the LPD. John and Bo can’t stonewall me. I know which buttons to push on John and Bo? His Daddy raped me and locked me in an insane asylum to keep me away from my kids, then he sent Carlo Hesser to kill me so he could ‘conveniently’ warn Bo and use it to keep himself out of trouble. And that’s not even half the arsenal I’ve got against Commissioner Buchanan. You… are going to go after Tomas.

“First off, I don’t want to give that asshole any means of thinking that I’m grateful for any information he might cough up. You… you’ve been this source of guilt for him as much as I’ve been a source of obsession. He’s the one who handed you over, he’s the one that fell for their lines about how you were funding terrorists. Go pay him a visit and ask to see the painting, that’ll get you off on the right foot for our purposes.”

She was glorious. Todd could only gaze at her and smile. “You’re magnificent. Have I ever told you that?”

That delightful, poisonous smile of hers spread slowly across her face. “You just like me calling out the hypocrites in this town.”

“It’s better than watching you suck up to them and try to fit in,” Todd reminded her.

“I’ll remind you of that the next time you go whining to Viki because you pulled some asshole move on me,” she tossed back at him. “But in the meantime, we have a family to take care of.”

As he looked at her, her chin lifted, eyes sparking, and the cold wind blowing through her blonde hair, Todd felt invincible. It wasn’t just that Blair made the noise in his head quiet, she made him feel strong, powerful and in control of his own destiny. It was something he never felt under Peter Manning’s iron fist, nor did he feel it when he was involved with Tea, and it was certainly something he never felt in Irene’s ‘care.’

At some point in her life, Blair had made the decision that she couldn’t wait for anyone to save her and so she had to do it on her own. He imagined it had something to do with the fact that she had had no one to count on. She was stronger than he was and she made him stronger.

But she was never as ferocious as she was when she was by his side and fighting for their life and their children. They were meant for each other, he knew it down to his bones.

“Marry me,” he blurted out.

She paused at that. “Todd, we just got back together.”

“So? You’re my wife. Always. Why not make it official? We know we’re going to end up there anyway.”

“That’s true,” she conceded. “Well… to be honest, I’m surprised it took you this long to bring it up.”

“Is that a yes?”

“You know I’ll always marry you,” she told him. “But maybe I want a bit more flash when it comes to the proposal. And maybe I want to be certain that all of our kids are going to be okay with this.”

“Flash I can supply,” Todd grinned. “Jack I’m not so sure.”

“Talk to him,” Blair said. “I think it would mean a lot to him if you did. In the meantime, let’s get ready to take the fight to the LPD and ex-rogue-CIA agents, hmm?”


	45. Chapter 45

Jack flicked his eyes towards Neela and then shook his head. What had started out as so promising had sputtered and died like a dud firework. Neela, he had discovered, had the attention span of a four year old at Disney World. In a sense, perhaps, that’s exactly what she was.

He ought to know. He had the vaguest recollection of a trip there when he was that age. He remembered subsequent trips better. It hadn’t been very cool to like anything Disney once he hit the seventh grade but when they made _Iron Man_ possible, all of that shifted. He wondered if his Mom were planning another family trip for them. The idea was appealing after the wretched year they’d all had.

Wouldn’t it be nice to celebrate by getting away to the place where soft, happy music followed you everywhere? Jack figured if he played up his moods enough he’d probably be able to make Todd wear a Mickey hat for at least an entire day.

He grinned at the thought.

Then he caught sight of Dani, arriving at the Angel Square Halloween Festival in a wetsuit with Tea and Victor behind her. They were bickering at each other, that was obvious, and Jack was instantly bored and annoyed by them. Luckily a shriek pulled his attention away from them. One of this soccer buddies was teasing his girlfriend. Most of the guys had decided to go as the Walking Dead and Tony was no exception. His girlfriend, Amber, was dressed as Lara Croft and was playfully beating on him for getting fake blood on her top.

Tyler snorted and walked a few paces away.

“You okay?” Jack asked.

Tyler jerked his head back towards a group of girls dressed as either cute bumble bees or fairies. Basically a lot of girls wearing wings made of netting. Tyler’s girlfriend, or rather, ex-girlfriend, Melissa was in the midst of them. She was being overly bubbly with her crew and casting surreptitious glances in Tyler’s direction.

“Oh.” He paused for a few minutes. “You broke up with her, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Tyler sighed. “Because she kept picking fights. I told my Mom about it when I finally dumped her and she thought that Melissa was picking fights so I’d do the dumping.”

“That sucks,” Jack said sympathetically.

“Yeah, we’re both seniors and we’re both going to different schools so I guess it makes sense to split up now. Why wait, right? Would have been nicer if she just owned up to it.”

“My Mom would make a comment right now about how young we are,” Jack noted. “And how we’re still trying to figure out how relationships are supposed to work.”

“I guess,” Tyler sighed. “Doesn’t help much right now, though.” He paused. “Isn’t that your sister over there?”

Jack looked over to where Starr could be seen with Hope. Cassie and River were there, too, helping to keep Hope and Sam from running amok too much. Sam was running around with boys from his soccer team and there was a veritable fleet of parents stationed about keeping an eye on the rambunctious crowd.

“Where’s her boyfriend?” Tyler asked. 

“She dumped him.” Jack said offhandedly. “So she’s probably in the market for a new meathead with anger and Daddy issues.”

Tyler turned a questioning glance at Jack.

“She seems to have a type is all I’m saying.”

“You don’t sound impressed.”

“Her first real boyfriend was the son of the woman our Dad raped in college,” Jack bitched. “In what world is that a good idea?”

“Your family’s more complicated than most, that’s for sure.”

“Jack!”

Jack’s fist clenched almost subconsciously when he heard Victor’s voice. He’d kept one eye on his ‘Father’ during the whole conversation with Tyler and saw when Victor noticed him and how long it took him to decide to acknowledge him. Hell, it had even looked as if Tea had pushed him in Jack’s direction.

“Hey Jackson,” Victor smiled hesitantly as he closed in.

Tyler and Jack exchanged glances. “I’m going to go over there,” Tyler pointed at some of the team members shambling about and cracking each other up in a most un-zombie-like way but his inflection suggested that he was going to be paying attention.

Tyler had become a true friend. Jack wasn’t exactly sure he deserved it but since Tyler had gone through his own dark period it made sense.

Jack punched Tyler’s arm amiably as he left then shoved his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie and faced his ‘father.’

“Been awhile,” Victor said awkwardly.

Jack shrugged. He didn’t have any desire to make things easy on Victor. All this time and he hadn’t even tried. He’d let it all just drift away as if the last eight years hadn’t happened. Maybe for Victor they actually hadn’t.

“How’re things?”

Jack snorted. “Really? This is the best you can do? Even Todd’s lame attempts at conversation have more going for them than this.”

“This is… not easy.”

“So?” Jack demanded. “No part of this is easy! It sure as hell hasn’t kept Mom from grabbing hold of all of us and refusing to let go. She plans parties, she decorates for Halloween, she’s got all of us scheduled out for the whole weekend and she’s even managed to make a few breakthroughs of her own!”

Well, your mother has always been pretty extraordinary,” Victor conceded.

“Really? When did you decide that?” Jack asked. “Because not so long ago you were telling me that I couldn’t trust her. Was that part of your Todd programming or was that you?”

“You’re angry, I get that,” Victor stared at the ground. “I guess you’re allowed to be with this whole mess.”

“Thanks for the permission,” Jack snarled. Over Victor’s shoulder he saw that his parents had arrived and were winding through the crowd. They spotted him almost immediately and their expressions shifted to watchful concern. He watched them as they moved towards Starr and the others. It was then that he noticed that Starr had handed Hope over solely to River and was glaring daggers at Victor. She looked ready to stomp over and kick his ass if Jack needed her to.

Jack’s throat tightened. His mother, his father, his sister and his new friend were all looking out for him. They all hung back, waiting and letting him take care of things on his own, but they were ready to come running.

His family believed in him. His family took care of him.

His family loved him.

Suddenly, all the anger drained out of him. It just wasn’t worth it. It never had been.

“Look,” Victor tried again. “I just want to know that you’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” Jack replied, his tone a little frosty. Anger may have gone away but he was still irritated. Victor hadn’t made much of an effort towards him or Sam since this whole mess started. “I’ve got people looking after me.” He paused then eyed Victor for a moment. “That was you, wasn’t it?”

“What was me?”

“All this stuff about being brainwashed to be Todd… but when you told me not to trust Mom… that was actually you, wasn’t it? Whoever the real you is.”

Victor looked stunned, as if the thought hadn’t occurred to him.

“I mean, everything we know about Irene now,” Jack continued. “I can’t say I blame you for not trusting your mother but that’s not something Todd ever did. Whatever his issues with Mom were, he never told Starr not to trust her. _You_ did that.”

“I know, Jack… I’m… sorry about that.”

“ _My_ Mom isn’t _your_ Mom.”

“No, she’s not.”

They stared at each other for several moments.

“You should probably get back to your family,” Jack remarked. “And I’ll get back to mine.”

Victor recognized that Jack was done with the conversation, what little there had been. He stepped forward and ruffled Jack’s hair awkwardly then walked back to where Tea was waiting.

Jack felt slightly nauseated as he made his way over to Blair and Todd and Starr.

“Are you okay?” Starr asked, her voice more piercing than she meant.

“I’m fine,” Jack shrugged. “No big deal.”

“Well, you look positively gruesome,” Blair said brightly, giving her son an encouraging wink. “You look like Sam may have dragged you out in the ocean and chomped on you for a bit.”

Jack grinned. “Wish I’d thought of that before… could have made myself even more gross.”

“Like that’s hard,” Starr gave him an affectionate shove.

“Who wants some cider?” Todd asked.

“Ooo, that sounds good,” Blair grinned. The afternoon was getting colder and she figured a nice warm drink all around would lengthen the festivities just a bit longer.

“Jack, you wanna help me?”

Jack shrugged and went with him. He knew it was a ploy to separate from the rest of the family and he knew it was because Todd wanted to talk to him in private.

“Looked like you handled everything pretty well with Victor,” Todd remarked. “Your mother has been concerned that his… um, standoffishness has been hurting you.”

“Yeah,” Jack replied warily.

“I know I’m not your go to for talking things out,” Todd told him. “But I do want you to know that I’m here for you.”

“Okay.”

“I have issues with my father figures,” Todd continued. “My biological father was… a nightmare even if he had nothing to do with raising me. And the man who did raise me wasn’t much better. I carry that around with me all the time. Your mother likes to remind me that I’m better than both of them. And when I get really down on the Lords and feeling cursed, she smacks me upside the head and reminds me that you’re better than your fathers, too.”

Jack met Todd’s eyes. “Did I really like throwing Christmas ornaments when I was a baby?”

The smile that split Todd’s face at the memory made a lump form in Jack’s throat.

“You sure did,” Todd chuckled. “You liked the shiny red ones the best.”

Jack decided to actively give Todd a chance at that moment.


	46. Chapter 46

Monday morning, Halloween, Blair was planted as close to Bo’s office as she could get as soon as she dropped Sam off at school. From her spot, she couldn’t be ignored by Bo and she could also see John the moment he came in. The past weekend their family felt more connected than ever. Halloween was always special for the Mannings and it was good to have Todd back so he could participate in their macabre traditions.

Sunday night, they had all gathered together in the living room to watch Disney’s _The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad_ before Hope went to bed. Then the conversation had arisen about gloomy castles and ghosts. They had ended up all describing what should be the Manning Castle on some ancient and mysterious moor and they each came up with some sort of ghost that haunted one part of the castle.

Sam had surprised everyone with a detailed story about a herd of phantom horses that had perished in a fire set by the stable master who had loved the lady of the castle… she had not returned his affections so he destroyed the very thing that brought her to him day after day. Sam said that usually, this phantom herd grazed and loped peacefully in the pastures under the moonlight but, once a year, their silvery forms turned black and their eyes turned red as they pursued the ghost of the stable master in revenge for their cruel deaths.

Blair didn’t figure that anyone sat in Llanfair telling ghost stories of fabled and fancied castles. Her family was unlike any other. She liked it that way. Todd’s return had allowed her to feel like herself in ways she hadn’t in years. It wasn’t just his finally being able to come home, it was the two of them being able to get things out in the open in ways they hadn’t been able to since before he left for Ireland. She felt more at ease with herself, belonging to Todd and her children rather than trying to fit into the rest of Llanview.

For that reason, she was more determined than ever to make sure that whatever it was that had taken Todd away from them would not rise from the ashes and follow them again. They were together, all of them, and Blair would be damned if she let Irene’s ghost or the skeletons she left behind continue to plague her family.

Bo was clearly not thrilled when he came in and saw Blair camped by his door. It was also clear that he couldn’t escape so he moved forward with a brusque nod.

Blair stood up and followed him into his office. “I need to speak with you and John,” she said firmly, shutting the door behind her. “It’s important.”

“What about?”

“The chip that Irene Manning was so interested in.”

====================================

“What are you doing here?” Victor asked when he opened the door to Todd.

“Actually, I’m here to see Tomas.”

“Really?” Victor looked interested. “Why?”

Todd shrugged. “There are things I need to discuss with him.”

Victor leaned against the door jam. “Yes, I imagine there are.” He smirked slightly then pushed off the door and stepped back to let Todd in. “He’s upstairs, painting his favorite subject.” He snickered as he left Todd at the stairs.

Todd found Tomas’ room, he left the door open and, sure enough, he was working on a portrait of Blair. Todd knocked on the open door and was pleased to see Tomas’ eyes widen when he turned to see who was there. “I’ve heard a lot about your paintings,” Todd remarked, coming into the room. “One in particular. Do you still have it?”

Tomas didn’t seem to know what to make of Todd. As a result, he remained somewhat subdued and very observant. “Yes.”

“Mind if I see it?”

With a furrowed brow, Tomas picked the portrait of Blair up from a stack of paintings and set it on the easel.

Todd smiled wistfully when he saw it. The picture was so small and this was much bigger. Blair’s smile lit the entire room. She looked golden and beautiful and so happy. “Nice work.”

“Thank you.”

“I see you cut me out of the picture completely…” Todd touched his index finger to the painted face. “You see that she’s happy but you got rid of the reason why.” Todd looked at Tomas. “You took me out of this picture the same way to you took me out of her life.”

“I see,” Tomas sighed. “This is why you came here.”

“To what?”

“To remind me of the mistakes I made?”

“Do you ever feel bad?”

“For what?”

“For sitting on your ass in France painting pictures of the woman you took me away from,” Todd pointed at his smiling, golden bride. “Did you ever feel bad that you sat there and did nothing?”

“What do you want Manning?”

“I want to know if you’re honestly willing to make amends.”

==================================================

“This is very delicate work,” John said when he came into the office and Bo explained what Blair wanted from them. “There’s a lot of information here and we have to be careful…”

“Being careful is why I’m here,” Blair replied curtly. “I’m not interested in some runaround about delicacy and diplomacy… I’m not interested in spilling state secrets, either.”

“Then what is it you want, exactly?”

“How’s Matthew, Bo?” Blair asked sweetly. “Any change?”

Bo’s lips tightened.

Blair’s gaze, hard as steel despite the saccharine smile on her face shifted to John. “And Liam? I bet he’s growing every day, isn’t he?” She shifted back to Bo. “How many years did you lose with Matthew when Sam and Lindsay Rappaport decided to play roulette with you and Nora? Five? Six?”

“I see your point, Blair,” Bo sighed.

“I’m not sure that you do,” her eyes rested on John again. “My family has been separated enough and there are people in this town who feel they are entitled to play God with my family because they don’t like my husband, or me, or think that we aren’t good enough to have things like family or security or anything like that.

“Todd spent eight years being tortured. Neither one of you have been close enough to see the scars that have been left behind. You’re not there in the darkest hours of the night. And neither one of you have known him well enough or cared enough to see what the effects that time has had on him. _I’m_ there. I was there all those eight years he was gone, replaced for some bullshit chip with information worth torturing Todd every day for eight years.” Blair’s eyes slid across Bo’s office to rest on his own medals from his time in Vietnam.

Bo saw where her eyes went and his jaw clenched. “Todd did not serve his country, Blair,” he hissed. “Don’t try to sell me on that.”

“Todd didn’t serve his country,” Blair nodded. “But his country did that to him. Or was it a rogue agency? Irene seemed to have plenty of government people willing to remove her from custody without a word to anyone here, didn’t she? How many secrets are in those chips that might threaten the position of very powerful people? And how many of those secrets are going to send some new Black Ops team into my home to silence Todd, me, my kids… anyone who might possibly know what’s on that chip? And when they’re done with us, when will they come after you and yours? Because you are all neck deep in those secrets now.”

==========================================

“I can’t give you those years back,” Tomas said gruffly. “No one can.”

Todd quelled the urge to punch the guy in his insufferable face. “I didn’t come here for the impossible,” he snapped, folding his arms over his chest in an attempt to keep himself from leaping at Tomas in a rage. “Are you actually sorry for what you did or was that a load of crap to get into Blair’s pants?”

Tomas’ looked mildly insulted.

“It’s not like I don’t understand the allure of Blair,” Todd continued. “I spent eight years remembering the way her hair smelled. She sighs at night right when she’s about to fall asleep, it means she’s really relaxed. Nine times out of ten she stretches in the exact same way to wake up. She loves cuddling on cold nights and she gives the best presents in the world. She hums when she brushes her hair and sings in the shower. She has ten pairs of shoes that look exactly the same. She can be brutal and vicious and cruel. She can destroy me with a look and remake me with a whisper.

“I spent eight years remembering every shred of her while you spent it trying to paint me out of her life.” Todd gestured to the painting. “Didn’t work.”

“Yes, I got that impression when I saw you at the park,” Tomas nodded. “After you came back, Blair put on a good show about being torn… insisting that you two weren’t even together when you disappeared, that she was over you…”

“When you love someone with everything in you,” Todd said, his voice shaking slightly. “It’s never easy to give into it… especially if you’ve been hurt by that person. Blair loves me. What’s more she missed me. She missed me while I was gone even when she thought my brother was me. _You_ did that. And it wasn’t just Blair that you hurt. You hurt my kids, too.”

Todd strode forward to make his point. “My son grew up without me. He barely knows me and doesn’t trust me. I’ve only just now been able to make inroads with him, started to have a relationship with him. My daughter grew up, fell in love, had a baby, graduated high school… all without me there. My sister has needed me, my niece… hell, both of them probably. These are people that matter to me, that I matter to! You left your family! You chose to do that but I didn’t! I was taken! You did that! And now you are going to make up for it!”

============================================

“This is a process, Blair,” Bo explained, trying to be patient. He could see very clearly that Blair wasn’t remotely interested in being handled.

“A process,” she replied with a curt nod. “Like letting me twist in the wind for Sam Rappaport’s death because you thought it would smoke Todd out? A process like that? Who was responsible for that, do you remember?” She snapped her fingers. “That’s right! It was your girlfriend, Lindsay! Who broke into my home and shot a man and let him bleed to death on top of me… and if that wasn’t bad enough, you and Nora sat there and let me get blamed for killing him, knowing I was innocent and did nothing. 

“Or is it a process like letting your father get away with kidnapping me and imprisoning me in a mental institution because he set a known criminal like Carlo Hesser to murder me in my home so that he could call in and warn you about it. You traded Carlo for your father and both of them victimized me but what did you care about that, right? It’s only Blair, after all. It’s not like I matter, right?!”

John reached forward in an attempt to call Blair down but she braced herself and shoved him away from her.

“And let’s not forget Margaret Cochrane, who tried to slit my daughter’s throat and shot and kidnapped Victor and killed Mrs. Bigelow while you did nothing. But your Daddy sure helped her, didn’t he? He gave her a place to stay! Kevin found all that out and still you all sat on your hands and let Asa get away with that crap again so you could be snowed into buying her death instead of, oh, I don’t know actually doing your jobs when you should have!

“You wonder why we don’t trust the police? Because you have _never_ protected us. Here I am, standing in front of you again, begging you again, to actually _help_ us… but you won’t because it’s Todd and it’s me and we aren’t people you care about. We aren’t Buchanans so we don’t deserve your special treatment. Let me warn you both…” Blair held a finger up to make her point. “If I get the faintest whiff of a threat towards my family because of this that the two of you didn’t warn me about or take every measure to protect us above and beyond the call of duty… neither one of you will _ever_ crawl out of the pit I throw you into.”

John stared at the door as Blair slammed out of it. “Damn,” he murmured. “She’s terrifying.”

Bo sat down at his desk looking tired. “She’s not wrong,” he sighed. “This department has never made protecting the Mannings a priority.” Blair had plagued his mind ever since she revealed what Asa had done to her during their marriage. Clint had confirmed that Nigel had a good idea as to what happened between them and as much as that fact sickened him, it bothered him even more that he had to seriously look at himself and realize that if Blair had come forward then, he wouldn’t have believed her and he wouldn’t have helped her. “We can’t let this one slip through the cracks, John. For all we know, Irene nabbed Todd because she knew that the first step of law enforcement wouldn’t dig too deep and if we wouldn’t show an interest then we weren’t likely to alert anyone else to that.

“The same thing happened with Spencer Truman. We didn’t like Victor and we didn’t care about Blair and that guy wound up almost destroying this department as well as my family and yours. He set us all up but we let him get away with screwing over Victor instead of treating it the way we should have…” Bo sighed again. “It’s gone on too long. Nothing gets by us here. Nothing.”

================================

Todd got home just in time to see Jack and Starr bringing Hope out in her Mr. Peanut costume. He couldn’t have wished for better. He picked up his grand-daughter and gave her a snug hug, fussing over her, before setting her back down so she could go trick-or-treating.

“You okay?” Jack asked as Starr packed Hope into her car-seat. Their plan was to drive to the end of the blocks they were going to canvas for Halloween before moving on, seeing how Hope was doing in between stops.

“Visited Tomas,” Todd replied.

“Why?” Jack didn’t have any real animosity towards Tomas. The man had, after all, fought off Rex Balsom’s thugs after the unfortunate incidents with Shane. At the same time, everyone seemed to know that he was ex-CIA and had been the one to hand Todd over to Irene’s people. Jack didn’t like the thought of that at all.

But his mother had been done with Tomas for awhile now so it wasn’t like Jack had any real bond with him. After Spencer Truman, Blair hadn’t really given Jack the opportunity to bond with any of her boyfriends. And now she was encouraging him to have a relationship with Todd.

Todd being his father probably tipped the scale there.

“Had some things to talk about.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “He seems to know what he’s doing in a fight, so if that’s what it was about, I hope you got the drop on him. You don’t _look_ damaged.”

“We didn’t fight,” Todd smiled at Jack’s casual show of concern. “Not physically anyway. We just had to straighten out a few things.” Todd left Tomas without demanding any promises feeling that he could let his words sink in for awhile. He had been gratified to see that Tomas was definitely thinking hard about the things Todd had said to him. He expected their confrontation to bear fruit. Tomas Delgado clearly had a self-righteous streak. All Delgados did even if it manifested in a variety of bizarre ways. Todd felt reasonably confident and wondered how Blair had fared.

“Is your mother home?”

“She’s at Sam soccer practice,” Jack checked his cell-phone for the time. “They should be heading home soon.” He eyed his father again. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Better be careful, Jack,” Todd grinned. “I might get the impression that you care.”

Jack rolled his eyes with a muttered ‘Whatever’ before heading to the car to join Starr and Hope.

Todd went into the house to get his costume on. It didn’t really go with Sam’s shark outfit and Blair said that she matched Sam with hers but the outfit suited him. Playing some weird sort of Gothic werewolf slash beast appealed to him. It didn’t feel particularly out of character. He had always felt like he was about to burst out of his skin anyway.

And Blair’s touch was the only thing that soothed him.

He hoped she’d get home soon.


	47. Chapter 47

Wrestling kids to bed after Halloween was never an easy thing to do. Starr managed to get Hope down while Todd and Blair were out with Sam. Jack said good-bye to his friends after their movie night, while he manned the door and candy distribution, and retired to his room where he could read and come down from his own sugar high.

Blair was of the opinion that Starr and Jack could manage their own sugar intake but Sam was a different story. It wasn’t just the few pieces of candy he’d been allowed, it had been the entire weekend of ghoulish festivities that had him practically vibrating with excitement. Calming him down enough to go to bed was an exercise in parental patience that required Blair and Todd to exert their powers to the utmost.

“I am way out of practice,” Todd sighed as they retired to their room. “I don’t remember Starr being that difficult to put down after Halloween.”

“The years have been kind to your memory,” Blair replied with a smile. “She was every bit as difficult. She was also far more susceptible to your bribery.”

“Sam should be more interested in money, shouldn’t he?” Todd asked.

“He likes super-heroes more. And, apparently, castles and ghost stories,” Blair laughed. “It’s normal.”

“Normal? For this family?”

“For this family?” Blair nodded. “Yes. He hasn’t had people fighting over him like Jack and Starr. He hasn’t spent any time around Max and Asa. He gets the benefit of both my learning how to shield him from my own crap and his brother and sister paving the way. I like that he’s so normal right now… given how he came into this world, given what he went through before he came here, I want him to have as much normal as possible. Life will catch up to him.”

Todd slid his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her into a soft kiss. “And we’ll be here for him when it does.”

She smiled sweetly. “So… are you tired?”

“You promised me Halloween costumed hi-jinks,” Todd reminded her. “I’ve been waiting for this all weekend.”

Blair laughed again. “Okay, well, you get into that,” she pointed to some clothes laid out on the bed. “And I’ll get into mine and we’ll… bring on the witching hour, hm?”

Todd studied the clothes as Blair disappeared into the bathroom. “This shirt has ruffles on it.”

“So does your werewolf shirt,” came her muffled reply. “And that comes with a ridiculous pelt of hair as well. Put it on!”

“What is this coat?” Todd asked even as he followed her directions and began to change. “It’s a little bit full of the… frippery, isn’t it?”

“Do you want to get laid or not?”

“Yes dear,” he replied dutifully.

“Keep that attitude, it will fit in with the scene I’m trying to set.” She opened the door a crack but didn’t peek out. “I admit this is a little… _more_ … than we usually do but it’s Halloween so why not?”

“I kind of liked the Halloween where we did it in the back of my limo,” Todd said as he put the outfit on. “You were all Marilyn Monroe’d up and we just hitched that skirt over your hips and went at it. I recall you weren’t interested in waiting to get home.”

“I wanted to get the stink of David Vickers off of me,” Blair replied through the crack in the door. “What better way than with the man I love? Anyway, you didn’t take me home. We went to the airport where you got me onto your jet and we had that long talk about pasts and futures…”

“And you totally misunderstood me,” Todd reminded her.

“And you totally misunderstood me, too,” Blair fired back.

“But then I proposed and you told me you were pregnant and then you said yes and we joined the Mile High Club.”

Blair’s rich laugh floated out. “Are you ready?”

“I feel a little silly in this get up,” Todd admitted. The shirt wasn’t even that big of an issue. It was the whole ensemble that left him feeling self-conscious. The coat was like one of those things Todd had scene in period dramas that Blair liked to watch snuggled up with him on the couch when they were married the first time… and the third time, too. So were the pants, actually. “Am I supposed to be that Darcy guy?”

“Well, no,” Blair’s voice was slightly hesitant. “I guess it just kind of puts us in the right sort of time frame. None of this is actually true to period. It just sets a scene.”

“Get out here before I die of embarrassment,” Todd groused. “I can’t wait for you to rip this stuff off of me.”

“Hold your horses,” Blair flipped off the switch and stepped out. “I feel a little silly myself.”

Her outfit consisted of a short dress in ruffled antique gold lace that came down to mid-thigh. A sleeveless brocade overcoat in gold and crimson buttoned under her breasts, tails drifting down behind her in a style of the 17th century but Todd rather doubted anyone could have gotten away with it. The sleeves of her dress had three crimson bows that set off the warmth of her skin quite nicely. She wore silk stockings that also tied at bows just over the knee and the capper was a rather ridiculous hat that alluded to piracy and sported impressive gold and crimson plumage.

“Nice hat,” Todd breathed. As silly as it all seemed, he had to admit that Blair was quite a vision. The outfit showed off her long legs and neck rather beautifully and her bared shoulders amid all the lace and brocade made her seem soft yet dangerous. Blair had beautiful shoulders and she knew it too based on the sheer amount of outfits she owned that showed them off.

She grinned a little sheepishly at him. “You know, Todd… fake period dress kind of suits you. I should have gotten you into something like this when your hair was long. A ponytail would have really completed the look.”

He snorted, absently smoothing his coat down. “I don’t think you could have gotten me into something like this back then.”

“Really?” Blair cocked her head at him. “Even the chance to score wouldn’t have been incentive?”

Todd took a very deep breath as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. The dress skimmed her thighs and the stockings were really working for him. “Hell, maybe it would have. You pretty much led me around by the nose once I got a taste of you.”

“Did I?” Blair laughed. “That’s not exactly how I remember it.”

“Are we gonna do this?” Todd felt very warm and he couldn’t blame his outfit for it. He was very definitely appreciating the scenery as ridiculous as it was.

Blair looked uncertain for a moment then sighed and revealed a toy sword she had been hiding behind her back. “I had this scenario in mind of you being the captain of a merchant vessel and I’m the pirate queen who has taken it over and is now after your booty.” She gestured at his nether regions with her sword. “But, honestly, I feel too tired to actually role-play.” She dropped her sword on the ground and stepped forward, running her hands up his chest and around the back of his neck.

Todd leaned down to kiss her and was impeded by the hat. “Okay…” he took it off her head and tossed it aside. “Very impressive but not practical.”

Blair shrugged with a smile as he succeeded in kissing her that time. She pushed the coat off his shoulders and set to unbuttoning the shirt. “It’s hard to be sexy with a houseful of kids,” she sighed. “I did want to make this a little more naughty for you.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Todd stepped back, grabbing her hands in his and spreading her arms so he could look at her. “You are all legs and curves and lace and… damn, babe, you’re sexy without even trying. These pants are pretty snug, it’s not like you can’t tell this is working for me.”

Blair giggled as Todd’s arousal was quite evident.

He dropped her hands and undid the buttons on her jacket, sliding it off of her before jerking her against him and kissing her. When his hands slipped under the hem of her dress, he laughed against her lips. “You’re not wearing anything under this…”

“Well,” she pressed against him with a smile. “I _said_ I wanted to be naughty.”

“I do like that about you,” he ran his hands over the smooth curves of her ass and she divested him of the shirt and went to work on the pants.

“I’m really glad I decided not to make you wear the boots,” she breathed as she pushed the pants over his hips. “I wouldn’t have had much patience in getting those off.” She maneuvered him to the bed, sitting him down so she could pull the pants off of him.

Todd felt himself unbelievably lucky. Here he was with the most beautiful woman in the world, who dreamt up ridiculous, sexy scenarios to entice him in the bedroom and she was currently stripping him down, looking at him as if he were the most desirable man she’d ever seen. Sometimes, he just didn’t understand what she saw in him but whenever she smiled at him… he didn’t care.

She settled onto his lap and he quickly pulled her dress up and over her head. When he ran one hand down her leg, he pulled back slightly. “Leave these on,” he whispered as he fingered the bow on one stocking.

“You like those?”

“Yeah.”

Blair pushed off of him then and started arranging the pillows at the head of the bed. “Here,” she grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the pile. “Lay back on those…”

Todd knew how this worked. There were times when Blair was very specific about how she wanted him arranged when she wanted to be on top. When she got this way their lovemaking had a slow, luxurious, decadent feel to it. Blair was actually extremely clever at making herself appear more submissive to him in the bedroom; she always had been. The truth was that she had always been the one in control even if she had made him feel like he was the one in the dominant role.

She’d always seen that he somehow needed that despite everything but when Blair wanted to fling all pretenses aside and be the one in charge, Todd couldn’t complain. He usually got quite a show.

When she settled on top of him her fingertips drifted over his abdomen, teasing his navel before dancing up the sides of his body. She leaned forward to kiss him almost lazily and as she settled back again, he felt her position him against her and he slid inside of her.

Blair moved minutely at first, letting her hands float over his body, bringing one of his hands up to suck his fingers into her mouth, kissing the palm of his hand, scraping her teeth against the inside of his wrist. She guided his hands over her body before letting go, moving in earnest and raising her arms up and letting her head fall back.

He watched her avidly, as she caressed her own body, then his, tossing her hair, closing her eyes in ecstasy or opening them and holding his gaze with her own as she reached her first climax. After that, Todd lost himself letting his green-eyed witch cast her spell on him again and again and again…

Much later, they were tangled together in the dark.

“Happy Halloween, lover,” she whispered, kissing his shoulder.

One arm was curled around her waist as his other hand entwined with hers. “You still have the best candy, babe.”

That rich, throaty laugh bubbled out of her again and her lips found his in the dark.

Halloween was definitely his favorite holiday.


	48. Chapter 48

Dani plopped down across the cafeteria table from Jack looking more petulant than usual. “I think we’re moving,” she blurted out.

The teammates that Jack shared lunch with all paused in various comedic poses of eating at the awkward intrusion. All eyes turned to Jack with questioning looks of ‘should we be here for this?’

“Um,” Jack looked hesitant. “Do you maybe want more privacy for this conversation?”

“Why?” Dani groused. “It’s not like our family isn’t a matter of public record anyway.”

“Good point,” Jack muttered, disliking Dani’s casual use of legalese.

“I mean, everyone knows we’re not brother and sister, right?”

“I guess…”

England took that as a cue to start loudly talking about the latest rumors he’d heard of the Avengers movie which was coming out the next May. England was a cool guy. Tyler was graduating in May but England was a sophomore just like Jack was and it was nice to know that he had another friend to count on in the coming years.

England liked Jack because Jack didn’t comment on how weird it was to hear a black guy speak with an English accent. Jack was used to being something of a freak, especially since the Shane Morasco debacle, and knew enough not to point out the obvious. For that reason, England thought he was an okay guy even if Jack remained unconvinced about Dr. Who. England said Jack had discerning enough taste to appreciate it in time.

Blair had told Jack that making friends was sometimes a matter of finding someone who was just as weird as you were. He figured his Mom had a point.

“Well, it’s stupid to try to keep anything under wraps,” Dani continued as most of the guys feigned complete interest in England’s attempts at diversion. “I think we’re moving.”

“Who’s we?”

“Mom and Dad and I.”

The words ‘what about Sam?’ were forming on Jack’s tongue but he kept his lips clamped shut. He didn’t want to bring it up and remind anyone that Victor technically had every right to take Sam off to wherever they were going. The idea of his little brother disappearing from his life, even the annoying way he shot his Spidey webs at Jack way too early on Saturday mornings, pissed him off.

Instead, he managed to croak out, “Where to?”

“Tahiti, I think.”

“You think?”

“Well, if the brochures are any indication.”

“Are you sure you’re not going on vacation?”

“Pretty sure,” Dani nodded. “Mom’s been doing a lot of paperwork and that generally means a big change is coming.”

“You’ve been crying about going back to Tahiti ever since you got here,” Jack reminded her. “And you’re just a freshman, it’s not like you’ve missed that much time. This just seems like something you should be happy about. At least you’ll get to surf again. You’ve been complaining a lot about that, too. And your tan. I’ve heard you grousing about how pale and sickly you look since Pennsylvania isn’t some sunshine paradise more times than I care to remember.”

Dani scowled at Jack, apparently not appreciating the reminders.

“Plus, you get to go back to a school where you didn’t start off as Detention Dani and the teachers won’t be side-eyeing you the whole time,” Jack continued. 

“Unless Mom sends me back to boarding school.”

“I don’t see Victor letting that happen,” Jack shrugged but then worried again that Victor might not let Sam go, either. He wound up not finishing his lunch.

==========================================

One thing Todd appreciated about Victor’s ridiculous makeover of his office was the fact that his office door was impossible to shove open which made Tea’s attempt at a dramatic entrance most amusing. The adjustment valves on the door kept her from flinging the door open and she wound up fumbling into the door before sliding gracelessly around it.

Her follow-up attempt to slam it shut behind her was met with failure as well. As a result, she wound up glaring at him with a red-face and blazing eyes as if it had been a plot he had concocted against her.

“Can I help you?” Todd asked mildly.

Tea smoothed her hair in an attempt to look reasonable but Todd was all too familiar with the petulant expression on her face. Somewhere, somehow, she had been disagreed with and overruled. The only possible explanation was Victor and Todd found himself thinking that Victor might very well be the best thing to ever happen to Delgado. He didn’t let her run roughshod over him and, very often in his experience, seemed to do the exact opposite of what Tea wanted.

It was probably good for her when it came down to it.

“How do you feel about Sam?”

Tea’s tone had a hint of shrill about it which just furthered his theories about her not getting her way.

“What’s it to you?”

“It’s monumentally important given that my husband is doing something right now that might very well be extremely stupid!”

Todd leaned back in his chair, lacing his fingers together. “Do tell.”

==========================================

Blair followed Victor as he wandered through the foyer of La Boulie and into the living room. He had that vague, faraway air about him that she had grown to detest in their final months together but he wasn’t outwardly cruel… yet.

He picked up a photo album from the table and flipped through it idly. “Life is strange, isn’t it?”

“In my experience, yes,” Blair replied coolly. 

“Do you think I’m like Todd?”

“No.”

“You did before,” he reminded her.

She shrugged.

“But not anymore,” he set the photograph book down. “When you look back, do you hate yourself for ever believing I was him?”

“What do you want, Victor?”

He smiled at her. “I’m just talking.”

“Right,” she narrowed her eyes at him. “Hindsight is 20/20. When I look back, I see all the things that should have told me you weren’t him.”

He shook his head. “You were on your own, everyone else believed, we all wore you down. Starr, Viki, Dorian, Kevin, Kelly, me… you know what’s interesting?”

“What?” Blair asked through grit teeth.

“You weren’t convinced I was Todd until you thought I had betrayed and lied to you.”

“Meanwhile, Tea took one look at you and believed in you instantly.”

Victor smiled. “You and Tea are very different.”

“No shit.”

“You don’t take anything at face value, especially if it looks good. Tea will pretend to accept anything if it makes her appear valuable to you. It’s her way of establishing herself as vital before she drops the mask.”

“Interesting way of describing the woman you love.”

“I do love her,” he said quietly. “I know exactly who she is… it’s more than I can say for myself. Which brings me to why I’m here.”

“Good,” Blair breathed under her breath.

“We’re leaving,” Victor said bluntly. “We’re moving to Tahiti, indefinitely.”

A cold fist squeezed Blair’s heart. “What about Sam?”

Victor smiled.

==========================================

“Victor is going to just… hand Sam over to Blair!” Tea threw her hands up in exasperation.

“How is he going to hand Sam over when Sam already lives with Blair?” Todd asked.

“You know what I mean!”

“Is there a problem with Sam being with his mother?”

Tea snorted disdainfully earning a stony glare from Todd.

“Remind me how you two are friends again?”

“The problem isn’t Blair. “ Tea conceded after a resentful pause. “Blair’s a wonderful mother. Blair is the mother I chose for Dani when I thought I was dying. No… _she’s_ not the problem at all. You are.”

Todd figured that. He had come to the conclusion years ago that he was generally the problem in any situation. “What _about_ me?”

“You gave Jack away because he wasn’t yours,” Tea pointed out.

“Yes, I did,” Todd nodded. “And I paid for that and I’m sorry for that and Blair knows that. And she also knows that I would never do anything like that again.”

“Sam isn’t yours.”

“He should be,” Todd blurted out without thinking. The words felt right, as did the feeling behind them. “And anyway, he’s my nephew. He’s the first person I made contact with when I got here. I saved his life only knowing that he called Blair his mother. I love that kid, there’s no reason to fear my being around him.”

Tea’s eyes narrowed into slits as she scowled at him.

“Anyway,” Todd continued. “If Victor is giving Blair full custody of Sam then it really doesn’t matter what you think of me, does it? It matters what Blair thinks and, God knows, she’s had no problem drawing lines in the sand when it comes to her kids. If she had to choose between me and them… I know I’d lose.” His voice trailed off slightly. “Which means that I know how I need to behave to continue to be a part of her life… and theirs.”

“Blair’s weak when it comes to you.”

“Not as weak as you think she is,” Todd shook his head. “If she were, we would never have been apart and you wouldn’t have had the opportunity to marry me. And you don’t really have a leg to stand on as far as that goes considering the things you let me get away with.”

“I know better now,” Tea snarled. “Victor loves me more than you ever could! Or would!”

“Yeah, you’ve mentioned that a time or two,” Todd wasn’t too interested in hearing, yet again, how Victor gave it to Tea. He wasn’t interested in her sex life when she wanted him to be a part of it, he was even less interested now that he definitely wasn’t.

“Jealous?”

“Not really,” Todd sighed. It was true, he wasn’t. There was a time he would have been possessive because he had paid for Delgado and considered that a binding contract over the years, even when she left him. He wasn’t exactly good at sharing, even if what he was expected to share wasn’t even something he wanted. Now, he just didn’t have the energy to waste on being upset that Delgado had moved on. It was better that she do so, in all honesty. He had no interest in dangling her in front of Blair as a means of keeping Blair jealous, either.

For some reason, that had always backfired on him anyway.

A wave of hurt flashed across Tea’s face. “You never really loved me, did you?”

Blair had told Todd that he needed to have a conversation with Tea to straighten some things out about how to put their mess of a relationship to rest. It seemed that time had come. “What do you want from me, Delgado?”

The question seemed to take her by surprise. “I.. I don’t… what do you mean?”

“I mean, you seem to keep wanting something from me and I don’t know what it is. I spent eight years being tortured by people who kept demanding I give ‘it’ to them without ever telling me what ‘it’ was supposed to be,” Todd shrugged. “You’re not going to tie me down to a chair and shock me until I can barely remember my own name, presumably. But I want to know what the hell you want from me. I just… do not have the patience to deal with this bullshit anymore. What do you _want_?”

=======================================

“It’s a strange thing to be so disconnected to so many things that drove you in your life,” Victor mused. “I don’t know who I am, not really. Todd and I got into it the other day and he asked me what the hell I was…”

“He never had much in the way of tact,” Blair replied, feeling she ought to say something.

“No,” Victor agreed, “but I can’t really hold that against him. Actually, what he said stood out to me. It made me think about the answer. Todd pointed out that Irene was a liar and that the whole story about my being ‘special needs’ was probably a load of shit.”

“Good point,” Blair nodded. “She did try to have you killed, after all. If you were so easily led as she claimed wouldn’t she have brought up back under her control?”

“Todd made that point, too,” Victor sat on the arm of the couch looking thoughtful. “I know that I have to figure out who I am and I can’t do that here… not with Todd’s life and my life as Todd surrounding me, confusing me and holding me back.”

“Is that what we do?” Blair couldn’t help but feel insulted, not just for her sake but for her kids as well.

“Yes,” Victor replied bluntly. “When I look at you or Starr or Jack or Sam… Todd’s memories, Todd’s indoctrination move in like a fog and blankets everything.”

“Todd hates fog,” Blair said, her voice cold. “And this indoctrination wasn’t Todd’s fault. It was Irene’s indoctrination. It might help for you to remember that.”

Victor just watched her for a moment. “I’d wager you two wind up married by the end of the year.”

“That’s not your business,” she told him frostily.

“No, I suppose it isn’t… especially since I’m basically removing myself from every aspect of your lives, right?” Victor sighed. “I asked you to be Sam’s mother and you stepped up even when you had your own problems with it. Todd…” he trailed off. “I succumbed to Margaret because Todd would do anything to save your life… his love for you would drive him to any length to have you, I think we both know just how far it’s driven him in the past. Sam’s here… because of him, really.”

“That’s a very convenient way of looking at it,” Blair said. “Is that to help you remove yourself from your son’s life?”

“It’s the truth, Blair,” Victor said quietly. He reached into his coat and pulled out a document, handing it over to her.

Blair opened it and had to read it twice to believe what she was seeing. “You’re revoking your parental rights of Sam?”

“I can’t be a father to him,” Victor admitted. “I’m not sure how good I was in the first place. You have been his absolute rock ever since we brought him home but I’ve been in and out, planned on abandoning him once before… look, when it comes down to it, I have to make some very hard decisions about where I’m going in my life. The fact is, I don’t know what my future is. I just know it has to be mine, without anything of Todd in it.”

Blair thought it was extremely selfish but she understood selfish. She understood it very well. She understood selfish so well that she was going to keep her mouth shut and not guilt Victor into being an active role in Sam’s life because his selfish act meant that Sam would be completely hers and she wouldn’t have to fear Victor or Tea getting a bug up their collective asses and decide to take her little boy away from her.

She was selfish, too. So selfish that she would allow her son’s father to give him up so she could give him the crazy, bizarre family he deserved. He would be Starr and Jack’s brother and, someday, he would be Todd’s son, too. Like he should be.

Blair understood selfish very well.

===============================================

“May I use my phone, please?” Jack asked the administrative attendant at school. Jack had been given his phone privileges again on a part-time basis. When he got to school, he was expected to turn it over to administration. If he needed to use it during the day, he did so under their watchful eye. Blair had made it clear that no one at the school had the right to monitor Jack’s phone if he turned it over to them and had locked it with him the first day they had done this. 

“Who are you calling?”

Jack considered just turning around and going to class but this was about his little brother and he could withstand a few moments of some twit behind a desk giving him the stern eye. “I need to send a text to my sister.”

The woman behind the desk made a show of drumming her fingers deciding if she was going to allow Jack access to his phone. Another woman, cleared her throat loudly, urging the first to give him his phone.

Jack retreated to one corner of the front office and pulled up Starr’s contact information. As he did, he heard a hushed dressing down behind the desk,

“When he’s following the rules, the rules his mother and this school set for him, you absolutely do not attempt to punish or lord it over him. That is absolutely unacceptable, do you understand me?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“You will be written up for that.”

Jack did his best to pretend he didn’t hear anything despite his complete shock at anyone defending him. It did suggest that, as Tyler had told him, getting on the right side again wasn’t an easy thing to do but he’d find surprising allies when he least expected it.

He sent Starr a text “CODE RED: Meet me at the Sun after school. About Sam. --J” then locked his phone again and put it on the counter. “Thank you,” he said clearly.

The first woman shot him a resentful look but put his phone away. The other one gave him a pass for being late to his next class. Jack thanked her as well as he hadn’t been expecting that.

Life was strange.


	49. Chapter 49

“I just want the truth about us!” Tea said angrily. “I want to know what I wasted years of my life on!”

“You already know the answer,” Todd replied. “What do you keep digging for?”

“The truth!” She insisted.

Todd stared at his desk thinking it was pretty rich for Delgado to be claiming she cared about the truth so much when she had based so much of her life on hiding it. “I don’t think you’re remotely interested in the truth.”

“How do you figure that?”

“Because you already know it,” Todd broke into a broad grin, then started to laugh. “Oh… oh ho ho ho! I know what this is. I know what this is _really_ about!”

Tea glared at him.

“You want me to hurt you,” Todd strode around the office, almost dazed at his revelation. “You _want_ me to hurt you! You couldn’t get me to do it the way you really wanted me to back when we were married… I imagine you had pictures of whips and chains and leather masks back then… but damn if I didn’t hurt you in other ways. God damn, your masochistic fetishes really are something.”

“How dare you!” Tea bellowed. “You don’t know anything about what I want!”

“You want me to hurt you! You’re standing there demanding I tell you unpleasant truths that you already know because you want the pain!” Todd boomed back. “Fine! I never loved you! Not really! I was so fucking crippled with pain and misery and anguish and resentment that I couldn’t function and you reveled in that! You loved the fact that I was so bent over with my own shit that you looked like my shining savior to the rest of this idiotic town! And you loved even more the fact that they didn’t know how you pulled every trick in the book to get me to fuck you!

“And when I didn’t you spread that all over town! I loved Blair. I wanted Blair and I was so fucking repressed with my own miserable shit that I couldn’t express it or accept her back when she offered! I never loved you because I never stopped loving Blair and I knew that if I gave you what you were so hungry for I’d turn back into the monster I was when I was in college… which you would have _loved_! You would have loved to turn me into that piece of shit so you could control every aspect of my life! You think I don’t know? I had eight years to go over every little piece of our sick dominance game! I know exactly _who_ and _what_ you are and I’m only thankful that my instincts kept me out of your bed so I wouldn’t backslide into the one miserable thing I managed to escape in my life!!”

There was a long pause before Tea finally spoke. “Feel good to let that out?”

“Not really,” Todd laughed. “I apologized to you for how I treated you when we were together and that didn’t even come close to satisfying you. So, now, I have to stand here and be vicious and cruel which is what you’ve wanted all along. Here it is, you were not what I wanted. You were the best I thought I could do when I was so beyond broken I didn’t even recognize that if I had just reached out to Blair…” he reached out his hand and dropped it. “I’m really… just tired of hurting people I care about. And I do care about you, Delgado. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t like to do it.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I never really did.”

A long silence hung in the air between them. “You don’t know me as well as you think you do,” Tea said calmly. “You think I thrive on pain and am looking for anyway to get my kicks from you? You couldn't be more wrong. I don’t want you to hurt me, Todd. I just want to put you to rest. We’re leaving, Victor, Dani and I. We’re moving and I don’t know when we’ll be coming back.” She found a place to sit and dropped into the chair wearily. “We’re starting our lives over and I just want to be done with you.

“One of my professors at Harvard once told me that there was no such thing as an unwinnable case. With the right strategy, the right mindset, the right method of using words and evidence in the most effective way possible… it was possible to win any case,” Tea sighed. “She was so smart, that woman, and I considered her a role-model and mentor. You were the most unwinnable case that I had ever come across.”

Todd’s phone buzzed with a text message. He glanced to where it lay on his desk but decided to leave it be for the moment. He didn’t want to interrupt Tea and maybe they could finally put all of their mess to rest.

“Well, I never made it easy on anyone, that’s for sure.”

“That is very true,” Tea replied ruefully. “And, let’s be honest, your connection with Viki made you very attractive to me. I wanted all the blue-blood I could get on my side, to accept me and make me one of them. I’d spent my youth wishing I could be the blond, blue-eyed rich girls I went to school with. Marrying into the family was the next best thing.”

“You’re really intent on being honest?” Todd was surprised to hear Tea admit that his relationship with Viki was the thing that Tea was really after.

“I said I wanted to put you to rest.”

“Then let’s not pretend that Kevin wasn’t the one you really wanted to land. And after he ditched you for Cassie you got a little of your own back by marrying me while Blair was in a coma.”

Tea nodded minutely. “Not pulling any punches are you?”

“Have I ever?”

She fixed him with a cold glare.

“Maybe it’s not necessarily funny,” Todd shrugged. “But it’s true.”

=======================================

Victor held out a pen for Blair to sign the papers with.

“Do you know what you’re doing here?” Blair asked. “I mean, what you’re really doing?”

“I’m giving up Sam for good,” Victor replied. “I know what I’m doing, Blair. Even if I wasn’t able to fully grasp it, Tea being so against it would tell me plenty.”

“I figured she’d gotten over her ‘Blair is an unfit mother’ phase.”

“Tea thinks the world of your parenting,” Victor said magnanimously. “She just doesn’t like giving up a fight she thinks she can win. And she really doesn’t like it when I do things she expressly says I shouldn’t do.”

“Is that so?”

“It’s good for both of us to not have our own way all the time.”

“How mature of you,” Blair took the pen he offered and signed the papers. She also initialed where directed as well. As she handed the document back to him, the front door flung open and Sam charged into the house bellowing “I’m home!”

Victor sent Blair a surprised look at Sam being home so early.

“Partial day,” she said quietly before going to greet her son. She was glad that Victor was here when Sam got home. She wasn’t going to allow him to leave without explaining the latest turn of events to his almost not son.

“Hi Dad,” Sam grinned brightly when he saw Victor. “What are you doing here?”

“Well,” Victor glanced at Blair and realized immediately that she wasn’t going to let him have the easy way out. “Well… I came to say goodbye.”

==============================================

“Okay, if we’re not pulling any punches then I want you to tell me something,” Tea said with finality. “I want to know if there was something I could have said or done… anything that would have made you mine completely. I want to know so I can stop torturing myself with what-ifs.”

“No.”

There was another long pause and Tea burst out laughing. “Well, I asked.”

“I remember telling you we were going to have a normal life even if it killed me,” Todd told her. “It probably would have. And, really, I told you that because it seemed to be what you wanted and it was exactly the opposite of what I had with Blair.”

Tea nodded. “So there was nothing I could have done.”

“No.”

At that point, Jack opened the door and skidded to a stop when he saw that Tea was there. He stopped so suddenly that Starr ran into him from behind. “What are you doing here?” Jack demanded of Tea. “What is she doing here?” He asked of Todd.

Todd grabbed his phone to look at the message he had gotten. The first was from Jack. “WHERE R U?!” followed almost immediately by “Nvmd, Starr’s got me.” He looked up at his kids, slightly bewildered. “Um.”

“You aren’t taking my little brother, you got that?” Jack pointed an accusing finger at Tea. “And there’s no way I’m going to let you get rid of Sam the way you did me!!”

“I think we’re done here,” Tea said with a curt nod. “Actually, I think we’re done. Period.” She sent a sad smile towards Jack and Starr and exited the office.

“What the hell’s going on?!” Jack demanded loudly as Todd went and locked the door so they wouldn’t be disturbed. “I mean it, Scarface! You’re not letting them take Sam!”

Todd pointed a stern finger at Jack. “We agreed you weren’t going to use that name again.”

Jack’s face turned a bright red and Starr took the opportunity to strip his backpack off of him and shove him into a chair. 

“Breathe, Jack,” she looked at her father. “What was Tea doing here?”

“Saying goodbye in her typical long-winded and painful fashion,” Todd answered before looking at his son. “I would never let them take Sam away from your mother. What I did to you was the worst thing I’ve ever done to your mother and to you and I swore I would never do that again. I _swore_ it, Jack. On you and on Starr.”

Jack swallowed audibly and seemed to believe him.

“Then what can we do?” Starr asked. “You’re going to help us, right? We have to come up a plan to make sure that Victor doesn’t take Sam away.”

Todd felt so much pride in his kids he thought he might burst.

“Will you stop grinning at us like an idiot and help?” Jack snapped.

Todd kept grinning. His life took strange twists and turns but he liked the ones he was currently on.

================================================

“So I’m never going to see you again?”

“Well, maybe,” Victor said hesitantly. He glanced at Blair but her eyes were focused solely on Sam as she keenly watched every move he made. Victor relaxed slightly, as hard as having this conversation with Sam was and he suspected that was why Blair was making him do it, he knew that Sam was going to be in good hands. “But for now, you’re going to stay with your Mom and your brother and your sister.”

“And my niece!” Sam crowed.

“That’s right,” Victor nodded. “Your niece, too.”

“Well, that’s good,” Sam was relieved. “Bree and I are in the same class and I like having my cousin there. I wouldn’t want to start all over in a new place.”

“Yeah, I thought as much,” Victor smiled. “So it’s settled then, huh?”

“I’ll miss you, Dad,” Sam hugged Victor around the neck. Victor patted his back softly, his face finally betraying some loss at what he was doing. Sam stepped back with a smile and looked up at Blair.

“Okay,” she said gently, “go get your stuff ready for soccer.”

Sam ran off to do just that and Victor stood up looking after him. “He won’t miss me for very long.”

“No, he won’t,” Blair agreed. Kids were very resilient and Sam was still young enough to be able to let go of Victor. He had her, and his brother and sister, and his little niece around him. They were the things he had always been able to count on and those things wouldn’t change.

“That’s how I want it,” Victor sighed. “It’s the right thing to do for him. And for me.” He walked out into the foyer and tucked the folder with the paperwork he and Blair had signed into his coat pocket. Then he stopped and looked at Blair. He touched his index finger under her chin as he studied her face. “You’re a beautiful woman, Blair. I never needed brainwashing to see that. I can walk away from you, though. You and this family. That’s the difference between me and Todd. I can walk away and he can’t.”

“Okay,” Blair wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that.

“It wasn’t Todd that chose Tea and Dani over you and these kids. It was me because you aren’t in my DNA the way you are with Todd.” He smiled slightly. “I don’t know if I’m ever going to see you again and I’m okay with that. Todd? He’d spend lifetimes trying to get back to you.”

“Is this you being nice to me?” Blair asked. “I’m not used to that after these last few years.”

Victor grinned. “Consider it a goodbye present.”

================================================

“Well, now I feel stupid,” Jack groused. “All of that worry and Victor’s giving Sam to Mom?”

Todd wasn’t going to stop worrying until he and the kids were back at the house and they had all the documentation signed, stamped and official in hand. “Don’t ever feel stupid for worrying about your family, Jack.”

“I can’t believe Victor’s just going to give him up like that.”

“You did that with Hope,” Jack reminded her.

“And it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do,” Starr replied. “Victor doesn’t like doing hard stuff. He always looks for the easy way out.”

“Delgado was pretty pissed off when she came to my office,” Todd told them. “She wouldn’t have been that upset if Victor weren’t determined to do this.”

“So he just walks away,” Jack folded his arms over his chest. “From Sam, from all of us… and goes to some island paradise with his chosen family. Seems like he’s taking the easy way out to me.”

“I don’t think it’s as simple as that,” Todd said grudgingly. “Anyway, you’ve got the rest of us.”

“Yeah,” Starr bumped her little brother with her shoulder. “You’re stuck with us.”

“You’ve left before, too,” Jack sent an accusing look towards Todd. “We all know the story about Fred the Magic Frog and you jumping ship because you were an idiot who got yourself in trouble.”

“I’ve been away from all of you for way too long,” Todd nodded. “By choice and by force. It’s not happening again. I’m not leaving any of you. Ever. As much as I fought to get back to you all, that’s how hard I’ll fight to stay. I’ll fight even harder to stay. I’m all too aware of what I missed.”

Starr beamed at her father. “Look, now that we don’t have to come up with a brilliant plan to save Sam from being taken away, I’m going to go pick up Hope and take her home. I’ll see you guys there.” She gave Todd a hug and the socked Jack on the arm as she left.

Jack and Todd were left with an uneasy silence between them.

“We should probably go home, too,” Jack said at length.

“Jack,” Todd stepped forward, pausing when Jack stepped back with a wary look. “I thought we were making progress.”

His son cast his eyes downward. “We were… we are… this just makes me think about things.”

“Okay,” Todd went and got the keys and his things. “Let me just point out a couple of things; your mother and I both have very bad habits when it comes to things that bother us. I hold it in until I explode. Your mother buries it for twenty years. Neither one are amazing options. You’re thinking about things, that’s fine, but don’t think about it forever. Talk to me. Or your mother. Or any one of your aunts or cousins.”

Jack looked skeptical. “Yeah, what would really do if I called Kevin up and asked him for advice?”

“Probably kill myself,” Todd muttered. “Look, if Kevin were the only person in the world who could help you out with something…” he trailed off. “I’d probably bust my ass trying to figure out why and desperately try to find someone else. Please be messing with me.”

“I’m messing with you.”

Todd looked so relieved Jack took pity on him.

“If I were really angry, I’d say I wanted Max.”

“You really know how to hurt a guy, kid. Not sure if you get that from me or your mother.”

Jack shrugged. “Right now, I’m just relieved about Sam. I was freaking out there for awhile.”

“How’d you find out anyway?”

“Dani came and said they were moving and I immediately thought they were going to take Sam, too.”

Todd nodded. “Yeah, Tea showed up here today to grill me about Sam which means that Victor has been with your mother all this time.”

“Then we’d better get home.”

“Your mother can handle herself,” Todd told his son. “But, yeah, I’d feel better…”


	50. Chapter 50

Blair sat at the table in the living room that she used as a makeshift desk. Todd was with the kids finishing up dinner. She was alone with the paperwork that had just been delivered. She ran her fingers over the writing, the signature and the seals.

Victor hadn’t been messing around, that was for sure. He got it all signed, sealed and delivered in record time. Blair couldn’t imagine herself in his place. She couldn’t imagine not fighting until her last breath for her kids.

But now Sam was officially hers and neither Victor nor Tea had anything to say about any of it.

“You okay?” Todd asked softly from the doorway.

Blair didn’t look up, she just kept staring at the document. Todd shut the door behind him and moved to stand behind her, resting his hands on her shoulders and kneading them softly. Blair tapped at her laptop and opened up a document of her own. “Look at this.”

Todd peered at it, seeing lists and bullet points and paragraphs that seemed to be about Victor’s entire time in Llanview. “Yeah, you told me about this.”

“I worked on this in preparation for a war,” she said softly. “Victor didn’t seem all too eager to give up your identity or the material possessions that came with it. So I spent weeks on this, detailing everything I knew about him when he arrived… it wasn’t the easiest thing to do because it basically was me reminding myself what an idiot I was to believe in him at all.” She leaned back in her chair and tilted her head back as Todd continued to work on her shoulders.

“Don’t beat yourself up about it,” he told her, leaning down to kiss the top of her head.

“He just handed Sam over,” she said, bewildered. “I don’t understand that at all.”

“Of course you don’t,” Todd nodded, pulling her out of the chair and leading her over to the couch where they could sit together. “I don’t get it, either. Neither one of us is built that way. From the moment I met Sam I couldn’t imagine letting that little Spider-Tyke go. But, I can’t complain that Victor has because that means that Sam is ours.”

Blair looked at him, curious. “Ours?”

“He’s yours,” Todd poked Blair in the chest. “That makes him mine.”

“Todd…”

When Blair’s voice got all soft and melty like that, Todd knew he had scored big time. He couldn’t help but preen a little bit. “My learning curve isn’t great but when I do learn something, it’s there for keeps. I never should have taken Jack from you because he was yours. It’s one of the hardest lessons I’ve ever had to learn, it’s actually kind of a shame that it was a lesson I _needed_ to learn. I almost lost you forever over that… and it’s still between us, maybe it always will be. Maybe it always should be. But I _did_ learn. Sam is yours and that makes him ours. And it’s official, too, so how do you want to celebrate it?”

“Well, you and I have a date night tonight, remember?” Blair’s smile had a hint of the devil in it. “I don’t want to make too huge a deal out of this because I don’t want to bring too much attention to the concept of Victor giving Sam up and planning on moving to the middle of the South Pacific. I think the best way to handle it is to carry on like everything’s normal, make sure that Sam gets some extra hugs and kisses but to just treat him as always. He’s part of our family, always has been, and stability is the most important thing right now. Besides, we’ll be moving into the new house soon and that will help make things exciting and fresh and all family like… and we have Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up.”

Todd could see her point about not shedding too much light on the fact that Sam’s father was ditching him to be with a family he preferred. He still wanted to celebrate in some way, though.

“You and I can celebrate tonight,” Blair continued, her voice dropping in that husky tone she used for very special, very private situations.

“What are our plans?” Todd was suddenly very interested.

“Well, you want to see the new place, right?”

Todd nodded.

“I’m singing at the club and then you’ll get a very private, very exclusive tour.”

“I like that,” Todd grinned, thinking of the white nightgown set he had purchased not so long ago. This would be the right time to give it to Blair.

“I thought you might.”

==============================================

Starr and Jack knew that the night was important even if Blair told them why she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. They decided to do a movie night and let Sam pick what to watch as well as make his favorite kind of popcorn for the event. Blair told them not to stay up too late but Sam’s siblings didn’t want something as monumental as Victor giving up his parental rights without some sort of acknowledgement, even if it they didn’t explain why they were giving him the extra attention.

Todd and Blair headed to Capricorn and as Blair went to check in with her staff, Todd dropped off the box with the nightgown set in her office. He figured he could retrieve it later when they headed up to the new digs.

When he came out, Blair was leaning against the bar. “It just figures,” she said, nodding her chin pointedly. “Victor says he’s probably not going to see me again and then he comes to my club.”

Todd followed her direction to see Victor and Tea at one of the tables. “You don’t think they changed their minds, do you?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Blair said. “The papers are signed and notarized, besides, they don’t look like they’re setting up an ambush. What do you think?”

“Fuck if I know,” Todd said wearily. “We don’t have to go over there and be polite or anything, right?”

“Since when do you do anything to be polite?”

“Good, then I’m excused.”

“Well, then, so am I because I have to get ready for my song,” Blair tossed back before heading backstage.

Todd dropped the present he had for Blair in her office and then went to his regular table. At this point, it was always waiting for him on nights Blair was scheduled to sing and as soon as he sat down he had a server asking if he wanted his regular or something else. “Champagne,” he said much to the surprise of said server but she departed and was back shortly with a flute of the bubbly.

Todd took a sip and noted that Victor and Tea were seated not too far away. He turned his head and looked straight at them before focusing on the stage. He wasn’t going to pretend they weren’t there and he wasn’t going to pretend he didn’t see them. Best to just acknowledge it and move the hell on.

He had more important things to focus on.

===============================

“Maybe it was mistake coming here,” Tea said softly.

“Nonsense,” Victor replied. “Blair’s club is better than anything else in town. The Palace is lame, Rex’s club… I don’t even know if that place is still open and if it were, who cares? Place always gave me a headache anyway. Dani’s with Destiny and we deserve a night out. Everything’s as settled as it can be for us in Llanview right now. Why not enjoy it?”

A server set down two flutes of a bubbly drink in front of them.

“Besides,” Victor picked up one glass and smiled at her. “We have our own things to celebrate.”

Tea touched his glass to his, smiling as well, and took a sip of the sparkling cider. They did have things to celebrate. Things that belonged only to them.

======================================

When Blair took the stage in a flamboyant outfit that suggested the French Quarter of New Orleans back in the 1800s but with a lot more leg and a lot more feathers Todd forgot that anyone else was on the club. And shortly after she began her song, he was reminded of just how many people were in the club because he wasn’t there alone but the way she artfully posed with her feather boa to cover and reveal the sheer expanse of leg she was showing off (enough, really, that a shift of the weight suggested there might be a glimpse of the Promised Land if her gathered skirt moved even a degree northward) was beginning to make Todd resent that this wasn’t done for his benefit only.

But the beginning of the song, a slow affair with repeated mentions of vitamin D for some reason, shifted into a bouncier tempo as Blair descended from the stage and made her way towards him.

_I don’t care if the sun don’t shine  
I get my lovin’ in the evening time  
When I’m with my baby…_

She even paused to tousle his hair.

_It’s no fun with the sun around  
But I get going when the sun goes down  
And I meet my baby_

Todd tried to look up to where Blair was standing next to him but was completely blinded by one of the spotlights trained on her.

_That’s when we kiss and kiss and kiss  
And then we kiss some more_

She plopped into his lap and flipped her boa around the back of his neck.

_Don’t ask how many times we kiss  
At a time like this, who keeps score?_

She flicked his earlobe with her thumb before she pushed off his lap and made a turn about the room. 

_So, I don’t care if the sun don’t shine  
I get my lovin’ in the evening time  
When I’m with my baby…_

Todd felt his face burning hot as Blair sang through another verse while she made her way back to the stage. As she finished, loud whoops and laughter accompanied the applause. As Todd extricated himself from the boa, he noted people grinning at him but they were far more interested in Blair herself. He was just a prop in her show.

He wasn’t a _huge_ fan of that but it was probably more than owed to him given that he was the guy who shoved her on stage in the first place. And, truth be told, watching Blair on-stage had been dazzling from the start. He’d had no idea she could sing at all when he made her take part in Rodi’s amateur night… it really had just been something embarrassing to get her to do so he could poke fun at her for it. If he’d been more honest with himself, he’d been close to suggesting another roll in the hay but he didn’t want Blair sleeping with him because he’d won a bet. Or more importantly, because she’d lost one.

That seemed way too close to coercion or force for him to be comfortable with.

Blair had resented him making her get on-stage in front of people she tended to hate and who looked down on her in turn. Plus, she was already feeling pretty low and unwanted that night thanks to Cord Roberts again. Todd had hoped she’d snap out of it by the time she was done and realize there were worse humiliations but she’d grabbed her things and booked it before anyone could even take a breath.

Blair hadn’t held it against him too long since she sat down with him the next morning at the country club looking mildly petulant but not particularly pissed. Looking back on it all was rather amusing.

It seemed an unusually long time before Blair rejoined him. She came around behind him sliding her hand into his hair again before turning and sitting in his lap. She favored him with a kiss and then teased him by wiggling part of the feather boa he still had clutched in his hand in his face.

“You’re making a spectacle of yourself,” Todd admonished her, even though his heart wasn’t in it. His life had been spent trying to avoid attention since as far back as he could remember. If Peter’s attention rested on him too long it resulted in beatings or verbal abuse. If teachers noticed him for too long they’d realize he wasn’t keeping up in school or didn’t know the answers. Todd Manning rarely got the sort of attention that was good...

Except from the green-eyed temptress that had stolen his heart and captured his soul.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve made a spectacle of myself,” Blair replied, not bothered by his words at all. “A long time since I’ve had reason to.”

“People are staring.”

“Maybe they’ve just never seen a woman so deliriously in love before. Maybe they’re jealous.”

What was the point in resisting her? Hadn’t he promised McBain that the entire town would see the real Blair again because Todd vowed to give her everything she needed to come out? Blair was fearless, Blair was shameless, Blair was invincible…

It was a far cry from what she was when he first came back.

But it was exactly what she had always been to him.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Blair asked, her eyes sparking with promise.

“Yes,” he said immediately.

She got up off his lap and reached for his hand, leading him back towards her office.

=====================================

“I think I might be sick,” Tea groused as she watched Blair and Todd leave.

“Let’s dance instead,” Victor replied, taking her hand and pulling her with him. As he took her in his arms, he leveled a look at her. “What is your problem?”

“I don’t know.”

“I thought you went to put things to rest between you and Todd?”

“I did.”

“Are they at rest?”

She shrugged.

“What’s going on, Tea?”

“It’s easy for you,” she said. “You can just put Blair behind you saying it was Todd. Todd loved her, so you loved her as Todd. I don’t have that out.”

“So?” Victor twirled her around. “I never demanded that I be your first and only. Just the one you love now and going forward.”

“I just… I didn’t get the closure I wanted,” Tea continued. “If Todd didn’t love me, if there was never anything I could have done to make him really love me… then all that time was wasted. Just… completely wasted.”

“Honey, you can be really myopic sometimes, you know that?”

“Excuse you?”

“It wasn’t for nothing.”

Tea wanted to stomp on his foot and stalk out of the club. Did he have any business being this casual about it all? Shouldn’t he be bothered about her Todd issues, too?

“If you hadn’t held onto Todd the way you did, you never would have met me,” Victor pointed out. “You didn’t hold onto him because you were meant to be with _him_. You held onto him because you were meant to be with _me_.”

Tea stared at him dumbstruck. Her feet stilled but, luckily, Victor was a very good dancer and had no problem keeping them moving.

What a strange feeling to suddenly have the weight of the world lifted off your shoulders, Tea thought. For so long, she had held onto some fantasy of Todd Manning; some image she had created through frustration and bitterness and envy that if she tried hard enough, she’d find the way to make him hers completely. She thought she had done it but that victory, that feeling of crossing the finish line and having all of that invested time and effort and emotion pay off, had been taken from her when Todd Manning, the real one, had walked back into town with his focus completely on Blair. She had been left wondering what the point had been.

What had all that time and effort really got her?

It got her Victor and she didn’t even fully realize it until he said it out loud. Her goal hadn’t been Todd Manning… it had been finding the man she loved; the man who loved her. And that was Victor.

A strange laugh swept out of her as she collapsed against Victor. “You’re right… you’re right… oh God, you’re right.”

“I like it when you say that,” Victor replied playfully. “You should say it more often.”

“It _wasn’t_ a waste… I got you. I got _you_ ,” she cupped his face in her hands and stood on her toes to kiss him. “You’re worth all of that time. You’re worth everything.”

“Good,” he murmured, kissing her back. “Now you can let him go.”

“I can,” she was relieved. Tea had almost convinced herself that she’d never be rid of Todd. This his specter and the stink of failure that surrounded her whole relationship with him would haunt her forever. Now, she felt clean and free and confident that Todd wouldn’t mean anything more to her than the treacherous road that led her to Victor. “Let’s go home,” she breathed, wanting to take her husband to bed and show him exactly how happy she was.

Victor seemed to mull that over. “Let’s dance some more first.” He twirled her in his arms and Tea laughed.

She was happy.


	51. Chapter 51

Blair felt anxious. She had brought everyone to see the house except for Todd but what he was about to see was a house that was pretty much move-in ready save for the last bits of furniture for the kids’ bedrooms. He was going to see _her_ in a way she didn’t think he, or anyone else for that matter, had seen her in years.

This place had every bit of her heart and soul in it, a place that belonged to her, a haven and refuge where she didn’t live on borrowed time. It was appalling in a way that it had taken her this long to set up her own home. For so long now, Dorian’s mansion had been a place that she could feel secure in the concept of family but over the past several years, Blair had felt she had outgrown it.

Perhaps it was the lax security that had really changed things. Once someone walks into your bathroom and stabs you a few times, a sense of security is hard to recapture. Blair wasn’t foolish enough to believe that her new home was impenetrable but it wouldn’t have so many bad memories attached to it.

This was all brand new and now that it was so close to being realized, Blair felt the tremors of fear and anxiety.

 _Stop it_ , she told herself. _Open the door and everything will be fine_. She cast a sideways glance at Todd, noting the death grip he had on the handle of the bag he was carrying. Presents always made her feel better. “So… when do I get that?”

“Patience,” Todd cajoled her softly.

The elevator doors opened to the outside foyer. The front door was rather plain and Blair wanted it to be like that. She liked the idea of the outside not revealing the inside… she’d had a lot of experience with that.

“This is nice,” Todd commented as he looked about the foyer. It was painted in taupe and even though it wasn’t particularly dressed up there was a sense of comfort in the air. A dark brown backless bench sat in the middle of the space.

“I’m still not convinced about this thing,” Blair sighed. “But there’s got to be something here or else the area just looks naked.” She looked around critically. “Maybe I should put a mirror or an art print on that wall or something.”

Todd didn’t say anything; much like he didn’t say anything back in the day when Blair was first decorating their penthouse. She had a tendency to talk out loud when she was figuring out decor, he’d learned that long ago.

“You ready?” Blair moved forward and put her thumb against a tiny screen on the door. Then she opened the door wide and beckoned him inside.

Todd had done his best to keep himself from any flights of fancy when it came to the new place. The first thing he noticed was the soaring entryway, the wall of windows on the far side of the area, the sweeping staircase in clouded glass and steel and the chandelier with pops of bright colored crystals. The chandelier kept him from calling the place ‘minimalist’ but it was very modern and when he turned his head to look at Blair she fit so perfectly it stunned him.

It probably shouldn’t have, this was all by her design after all. Todd was startled by how emotional he felt. This was going to be _their_ home. And it was all dreamed up and designed by Blair to include them all. This wasn’t someone else’s penthouse that they purchased, this wasn’t someone else’s penthouse that they were staying in, this wasn’t someone else’s home that they were staying it.

It was theirs completely.

“What do you think?”

Todd looked at Blair, who was twisting her fingers waiting for him to respond. He dropped the bag he carried and stepped towards her, covering her hands with his and drawing her to him. “It’s perfect,” he said softly. “It’s you… so it’s perfect.”

She breathed out a throaty laugh. “Only you, Todd, think I’m anywhere close to that.”

He shrugged slowly. “That’s because everyone else is a moron.”

“I’ve got a surprise for you.”

“Another one?”

She pulled him down the hallway, past the doorway where candles were lit and a small dinner set out. 

“Are we eating?”

“In a minute.”

She opened one door to him and let him step inside. “Ever since you walked back into my life I’ve been making room for you here… even when I didn’t quite realize it,” she explained. “But as our courtship continued I knew you’d end up here. So I set this space aside for you. Do you like the desk?”

Todd shouldn’t have been so moved by a mostly empty room but the idea that Blair had been rearranging her world for him the moment he came back was gratifying to say the least. It meant that she had known, just as he had, that they belonged together. It wasn’t something he had to convince her of, it was something she only had to allow herself to hope for.

Apparently she had.

“The desk is great,” he nodded. Blair always had been able to read him. He wasn’t exactly a traditionalist and she’d always managed to find desks and furniture that mirrored that.

“I didn’t mess with the shelves because I figured you’d want this little office to work for you. But it does have a secret.”

“What?” Todd turned to look at her again. “The room has a secret?”

“A lot of them do,” Blair’s sly smile was irresistible. “There’s a secret passage that leads from here to the master suite.”

“What is it with you and secret passages?”

“You know how much I love secrets.”

Todd’s smile widened. “Yeah, you sure do.”

“I loved the idea of those old homes with secret passages, old murder mysteries where you could spy on people through the eyeholes of portraits,” Blair rubbed her hands together in delight. “I didn’t build anything like that, or like a secret room or anything but I wanted everyone to have their own little private pathway to somewhere. Jack and Sam both have little hangout nooks, Starr and Hope have a secret passage from their apartment to here. You’ve got yours and I’ve got one hidden away in the bathroom.”

“The bathroom?”

“I’ll show you later.” She led him back to the dining room where their dinner awaited.

Todd chivalrously held her chair out for her and then took a seat next to her. “You thought of everything.”

“We didn’t have time to eat before,” Blair pointed out. “I know it’s late but a light dinner is always nice. Besides,” she lowered her eyes demurely. “I thought it would be nice for us to have our first meal here together, alone.”

Demure was rather captivating on Blair. It wasn’t card she played very often. Only when she was happy. When she was happy she didn’t feel like she had anything to prove. When she was happy, she was every color of the spectrum; shameless, demure, fiery, peaceful… but always Blair.

They ate their dinner, sharing ideas for the upcoming holidays and talking about presents for the kids. Soon the house would be overrun by a rambunctious child who wanted to be Spider-Man and a moody teenager who could give anyone a run for their money as far as noise went. Not to mention a twenty-something young woman and a four year old, both of whom expected the world to cater to their every need, would be regular visitors.

It was nice to have their first dinner just be the two of them and let the silence of the new surround them. It was something they’d always have.

“So,” Blair hedged as they put their dishes away. “Do I get my present now?”

Todd chuckled softly as he dried his hands and went to fetch the box. “Here,” he set it on the counter and let Blair open it.

When she did, her eyes widened slightly. “Todd,” her voice drawled his name out in that way that always sent a delicious shiver up his spine. “They’re beautiful.”

“Remind you of anything?”

Blair held the nightgown up against her body to test the length. “I used to have a set like this years ago.”

“You wore it when I came home from Ireland,” Todd murmured. “You came down the stairs looking like… liquid light.”

Blair looked up at him.

“You looked so beautiful and I wanted you so much but I was so angry and stupid.”

“That was a long time ago, Todd.”

“Doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt,” he told her. “If I had just done what I really wanted… if I had gotten into bed with you that night… everything would have been different.”

“Hey,” she reached forward and touched his face. “If we could, we’d change a lot of things, I know that. Sometimes, I think we both have a tendency to dwell too much in the past and torture ourselves with what could have been. I mean, who knows, if everything had gone right for us back then maybe we would have gotten sick of each other by now.”

Todd stared at her. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I’m trying to lighten the mood,” she replied. “I don’t want you getting into a self-loathing kick. Not now, not when we’re in our new home and it’s so beautiful… look over here,” she grabbed his hand and started to pull him to follow her.

Todd didn’t give an inch, he yanked her back to him, holding her tightly.

“I was going to give you a tour,” she whispered breathlessly.

“I don’t want a tour. I want you.”

“You have me.” She kissed him, sliding her arms around his waist to dig her fingernails into his back.

When they parted, he nodded slightly at the nightgown set. “Go upstairs and put that on.”

She raised her eyebrows at him slightly. “Are you trying to recreate something?”

“I’m trying to…” he hesitated, “do something right.”

“You do a lot of things right,” she whispered.

“Please.”

Blair stepped back at that and took the box with the set upstairs.

Todd passed underneath the walkway that separated the two wings of the house. The wall of windows beckoned to him. Blair had always liked the view that the penthouse gave them but he suspected she had designed this with him in mind as well. He always loved staring out the wall of windows over the lights of Llanview. It had made him feel powerful; as if he had made something of himself.

Now, it felt like he was home.

The Manning Building was only a few blocks away and it dominated the part of the skyline that could be seen from the new place. Todd would have thought that it wouldn’t necessarily be a view Blair wanted given the state of her relationship with Victor before he came back.

Still, it was a good looking building and it gave the view a suitably dramatic slant that Todd figured Blair appreciated no matter what else.

It was a very different kind of view than the penthouse. That had been on a high-rise building which made everything look very small. This building was maybe half the size of the one that had housed the penthouse so even being at the top he was looking up to the larger business section of Llanview. Instead of being above it all, he felt like he was part of the town.

It wasn’t a bad feeling.

The lights dimmed significantly then and Todd turned just as Blair softly called his name. She came down the sweeping, curved staircase, one hand on the railing, the white robe trailing behind her.

Sexy was always a word that could be attributed to Blair but Todd always liked her best like this… a column of white, beautiful, ethereal… a vision he had clung to during horrible times. He was already moving towards her when she held her hand out to him. His pace quickened as he neared her, and he stepped up on the first step and reached for her mouth with his own.

They kissed there on the stairs before Blair pulled away, backing up a step and taking his hand in hers before turning and leading him upstairs.

 _How many times have we made this trek_? Todd wondered. He could imagine that it was two decades ago, and this was the penthouse, and he had just come home from Ireland. There was no Patrick Thornheart just the wife he left behind and yearned for. This time, he was coming home the right way. He could fix it in his head.

He wanted to fix things so badly.

When Blair led him up to their bedroom, she opened the door and stepped inside, releasing his hand and letting him look around.

The lights were low but didn’t hinder visibility. Blair had not chosen a sleigh bed this time but in it’s place was a sleek platform punctuated by a headboard that took up a significant portion of the wall. A fire burned softly in the fireplace across from the bed and another impressive set of windows gave another, slightly different, view of downtown Llanview.

“Wow.”

“You like it?”

Todd was at a loss for words. Blair moved towards him and gently removed his jacket, laying it over the back of a nearby chair. “This is our room?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“It’s different from our room in the penthouse,” he said as he toed off his shoes.

“Well, we’re different. Styles have changed a bit. It’s okay, isn’t it?”

“I was imagining coming back from Ireland,” he said, moving towards her and pressing his palm against hers. “I was imagining putting that right, fixing it… but now, looking at this room, this house… I don’t want to be anywhere but right here, right now… with you.”

Blair entwined her fingers with his and leaned up to kiss him. “I’m glad. Here we are… a whole new house, a whole new life.” She began to unbutton his shirt, kissing his neck as she did. Once his shirt was off, she moved away again and lowered the lights. As she did so, he noticed the pinpoints of light cast about the room from the Moroccan lamps that sat on the endtables next to the bed.

“Impressive,” he breathed when she approached him again. He slipped his hands under the straps of her gown and pushed it off her shoulders. The white silk puddled at her feet and he slid his arms around her waist, pulling her close again. “You always did have a flair for the dramatic.” With that, he grabbed her waist and tossed her on the bed.

Blair shrieked as she went flying onto the bed, landing with a soft grunt and then bursting out in laughter. Todd joined her, laughing as well. As they entwined together he thought to himself, _the past is the past_. 

It was hard to languish over past mistakes when a beautiful, naked, exuberant Blair was wrapping herself around one’s body and getting rid of the rest of one’s clothes. Todd wanted nothing more than to christen their house the right way.

It was a good time later that they lay in the darkness, watching the firelight cast shadows on the ceiling.

“I think it should just be our immediate family for Thanksgiving,” Blair murmured softly. She was nestled against his side while he held their clasped hands over his chest. “We’ve never done that. I’d like to do it just once… all of us.”

“Okay,” Todd sighed contentedly.

“We won’t be going to Llanfair or La Boulie,” Blair said firmly. “And they won’t be coming here. It’s just family. The next day we can go calling if we have to.”

“For propriety’s sake?” Todd laughed lazily. “Spare me.”

“I’m just saying…” Blair trailed off. “The Christmas tree will go up in front of the windows, I think it will be so beautiful.”

“We’re going to have to get new ornaments,” Todd told her. “We aren’t bringing Dorian’s tacky French crap with us.”

“I’m buying you a special tacky French ornament just for that,” Blair smiled.

“Unless it’s a picture of you in a French maid’s outfit, I don’t want it.” Todd grunted softly when Blair sent an elbow into his ribs. “You know, I’ve been trying to figure out a way to smoke you out of Dorian’s ever since I got back.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah,” he caressed the shell of her ear with one finger. “You don’t belong there. You never did.”

Blair didn’t say anything for a moment. “I’m a Cramer, aren’t I?”

“That’s not what I mean,” he sighed. “You belong at La Whatever about as much as I belong at Llanfair. We’re both the misfits of our family.”

Blair didn’t respond for several moments. “You’re… you’ve always been… very good at cutting through the bullshit.”

“I know you don’t like to think of yourself that way.”

“Does anyone?” She turned against him, throwing one arm over him as she did. “All I’ve ever wanted was a place to belong… even finding my family didn’t really do that.”

“You belong with me,” Todd replied softly. “You belong with me and our family. We are where you belong… not in Dorian’s collection of Cramers. Out of all of them, Blair, you’re the only one who found a place that’s yours. That idiot Kelly can’t decide which Buchanan she wants to settle on for more than a year. Cassie… well, she made some bad choices, too. Maybe it’s because of Dorian. Maybe they’re both because of Dorian… it’s not like your evil aunt has ever set an example of how to find a lasting love.”

“No one in my life has ever set that example,” Blair pointed out. “But I found it. And I have to say that you didn’t exactly have that example either.”

“Maybe that helped,” he mused. “Maybe because we knew what we grew up with wasn’t the real deal, it made it easier for us to find it.”

Blair chuckled low in her throat and Todd sighed happily as the vibration of it coursed through his own body. “You must be very happy indeed, Mr. Manning, if you’re going to be so generous as to call our relationship ‘easy.’”

“Not easy,” he squeezed her against him. “Easier. You know what I mean.”

Blair let him have it. It wasn’t worth arguing about even if any reference to ‘easy’ was the furthest thing their relationship had ever been. She raised up a little and kissed him deeply. “What do you say about another round for the road?”

Todd laughed softly. “How soon before we don’t have to leave?”

“Very soon.”


	52. Chapter 52

When they got back to La Boulie, they found the kids sound asleep together in a blanket fort in the entertainment room. Blair took one look at them and pulled out her cellphone, walking back into the hallway and talking in hushed tones. 

Todd followed her and heard her calling in Sam and Jack sick the next day to school. Her voice was suitably weary and spoke of middle of the night vomiting in a tone so spot on Todd almost believed it himself.

“I guess I’m still the kind who spoils her kids,” she said when she hung up. “We’re doing thumb-prints for security tomorrow anyway. Why not just… spend the day getting ready? That will help us get in even faster.”

“You’ve got a plan,” Todd commented.

They went back in to make sure the kids were comfortable and leave a note telling them they had the next day off before heading up to their room. “If we can get everything going in the next couple of weeks… we’ll be set. We’ll get the rest of the furniture in, we’ll move over the things we want to move, buy the things we need to buy and then we can go up to the cabin for our long weekend the weekend before Thanksgiving. The way I see it, we drop the kids off at school Thursday morning, head up, come back Monday night, pick up the kids and move into our new place.”

“Right before Thanksgiving, huh?”

“Mm-hmm,” Blair began stripping off her clothes as soon as they entered their bedroom. “I just want us all to be there… originally I figured we’d start the New Year there…”

“We will,” Todd agreed, pulling back the covers once they were both undressed. “We’ll just get there a little early.”

“It all sounds impossibly normal, doesn’t it?” Blair yawned. “That’s the only thing that worries me.”

“How’s that?” Todd pulled her close to him feeling his eyes droop as well.

“We don’t do normal.”

“Not the way most people define it,” he agreed. “We’ll just have to decide what’s normal for us. This is new for all of us, we’ll figure it out.”

“I like that…”

=====================================

Todd came to the next morning as he realized he was getting poked in the forehead. As his senses began to take in what was going on he recognized that he was in bed, he recognized the soft lavender smell that Blair infused with their sheets, he recognized the feel of her body pressed against his back and he recognized that whatever was poking him wasn’t any sort of actual weapon.

“Grampa Todd… I’m awake…” Hope’s voice said softly. She seemed to recognize that he was getting there himself.

Todd peeled his eyes open to squint at his grand-daughter. The bedroom was still dark, which suggested it was still very early in the morning. Hope held a flashlight that looked like a glow stick in the hand that also clutched her stuffed gryphon close to her body.

“I see you’re awake,” Todd’s voice was rough with sleep. “Do you need to go potty?”

“I already went.”

Todd frowned in the dark. Was that why she was waking him up? Was there an accident that needed dealing with? “Where?”

Hope sighed. “I went potty in the potty… Grampa Todd, I’m _awake_.”

Blair murmured softly in her sleep and snuggled close against his back. Todd really didn’t want to leave her soft warm presence when it was still dark out. 

“You want to get in bed and snuggle with me and Gramma Blair?”

“I’m hungry,” Hope said petulantly.

“Oh,” Todd pushed himself into a sitting position as a yawn nearly split his head open. He looked at the clock, blinking when he read 5:45am on it. “It’s pretty early, Peanut.”

“Grampa Todd…” Hope’s voice was threatening to verge into whine territory.

“All right, all right, come on.” Todd pulled a shirt over his head and found some socks to put on his feet before ushering Hope out into the hallway.

It took a good ten minutes for Todd to convince Hope to accept Lucky Charms for breakfast instead of her desired eggs and bacon. Todd hadn’t made eggs in years and he had no idea where any of the pans were to make bacon. He was clearly woefully underprepared for his role as a doting grampa in the wee hours of the morning.

Hope finally did settle down enough to eat her breakfast, if a little messily, and it was about a quarter after six when Starr wandered into the kitchen to see her daughter attempting to feed her gryphon yellow star-shaped marshmallows while her father blinked grumpily from his seat in the breakfast nook.

Starr did her best not to laugh but it was very difficult and her success wasn’t exactly complete.

“5:45, Starr,” Todd groused, frowning at his cup of coffee which wasn’t close to being as good as anything Blair made for him.

“Where’s Mom?”

“Sleeping. Like a normal human does at this time of the morning.”

“You used to be an early riser.”

“I appreciate lazy mornings a lot more than I used to,” Todd pointed out. Sleep was still not exactly a friend of his but it was a lot more complicated than it used to be. There were fears in the dark that didn’t used to be there and they were fears he couldn’t voice to his daughter. “I appreciate a lot of things a lot more than I used to. I don’t remember early mornings like this with you.”

“I had a nanny,” Starr reminded him. “A fleet of them it seemed.”

“Oh yeah…” his mind was still foggy if he had forgotten that. He caressed the top of Hope’s white-blonde head affectionately. “Is your Mom up yet?”

Starr shrugged. “Not that I’m aware of. Jack managed to pry his eyes open long enough to see that he had the day off of school. Sam’s watching cartoons. He doesn’t believe in wasting a free morning with something like sleep.”

“I’m going to go curl up with your Mom again, then,” Todd got up and pitched the rest of his crappy coffee in the sink. “We had a late night.”

“I bet,” Starr smirked.

“Knock that crap off, Shorty,” Todd tossed over his shoulder. “I’ll remember comments like that when you decide to bring a new piece of cannon fodder home.”

The sly yet hopeful look on Starr’s face rang an alarm bell but Todd set it aside for the moment as he went back up to the bedroom. He entered just as Blair was coming out of the bathroom, tying her robe around her.

“I was just coming down to look for you.”

Todd shook his head as he shucked off his shirt and socks. He reached over to Blair as he crossed the room and jerked the tie of her robe undone, peeling it off her shoulders. “Bed,” he grumbled. He turned the covers down again and then crawled in, fluffing the pillows as he did.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Come here,” Todd patted the space next to him. “It’s barely after six and you called the boys in sick today so we could have a lazy morning. Is it so wrong if I want to cuddle with my woman?”

Blair smiled, glancing towards the window to note that the mornings were much darker now and offered a good excuse to stay in bed a little longer. She slipped in beside him, sighing as he pulled her close. She had never had so much time with Todd that she could feel comfortable refusing a little more, especially now that he was so freely demonstrative with his affection. “Not enough sleep last night? Used to be it didn’t matter how little you got… you were always fine.”

“My relationship with sleep is a bit more complicated than it used to be,” Todd murmured, closing his eyes.

“How so?”

“I fight going to sleep and I fight waking up… even when I’m with you, I don’t like to fall asleep. When I do… I don’t want to wake up?”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want all of this to be a dream,” he whispered. “I don’t want to fall asleep and miss out on being with you and the kids and I don’t want to wake up and find I’ve dreamt the whole thing up. I don’t know if I could take that…”

The quiver in his voice gripped her soul. She let her fingers drift over the arm that was draped over her. “This isn’t dream, Todd. This is real.”

“I think that’s what Dream You would say.”

“I think Dream Me would say something like ‘The goldfish are jumping through the fire escape.’”

“What?”

“Dreams don’t make all that much sense, Todd,” she reminded him. “They’re bizarre. For as much as we might get something that seems like it could be real, someone will say something or do something or something truly bizarre and nonsensical will take place. You’re safe…” she kissed him softly. “You’re out of that horrible place and you did that. You’re home. It’s okay.”

“I’m not completely certain of that,” he whispered.

“I’ll remind you, then.” Blair reached up with one hand, sliding her fingers into his hair to massage his scalp. “But for now, lover, relax and get some sleep.”

His eyes drifted close but his lips curved into a soft smile. “I like the new nickname.”

“Well, it’s what you are, isn’t it?”

“I’m trying to come up with a pet name for you but you didn’t much like ‘sugar.’”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Doesn’t suit me.”

“You can be sweet.”

“Doesn’t suit me,” Blair persisted, her fingers moving from his scalp to his neck.

“Maybe not,” his voice was almost a purr. “But calling you ‘Hell-bitch’ seems a bit rude.”

Blair laughed, loudly in fact. Todd peeled his eyes open and smiled broadly. She brushed the tip of his nose with hers. “Yes, that is a bit rude. Maybe just in bed… when I’m on top…”

“Ride me like a hell-bitch?” Todd asked playfully before Blair’s neck massage encouraged him to close his eyes again. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Blair eased up on the massage and shifted to lightly scratching her nails against his skin as she saw Todd drift closer to sleep. He didn’t sleep well and she knew that but it was also something that she was used to. Todd had never been the most restful sleeper. He was not a man who slept the sleep of the righteous but for the bulk of their relationship he hadn’t seemed to need as much sleep.

It was easy to see, however, that he did need it and he had commented on more than one occasion that he never slept so well as he did when he was with her. It was something she had mentioned frequently as well. It was easy for Blair to curl up with him and offer him the same solace he offered her. Hopefully, given time, it would help.

But she also knew better than that. She could hold him all night, every night, but she couldn’t erase those eight years.

It was something she’d need to talk to him about.

================================

Jack was an absolute nuisance to the tech guy who came to take thumb-prints. He peppered him with questions about how the system worked and what the fail-safes were and how soon response time was implemented if the worst happened. Jack’s imaginative mind, coupled with an encyclopedic knowledge of spy and horror movies, exhausted the man’s knowledge by spouting off various scenarios at rapid speed.

Blair watched her eldest son keenly. Her own desire for an absolute high tech security system was based on the invasions they had suffered through at La Boulie… some with almost fatal consequences. It seemed, however, that Jack had filed them all away and wanted to be as certain of their security as possible, too.

It was just another thing that reminded her how alike she and Jack really were.

Todd complained about getting his prints taken in a jovial manner. Only Todd could remark about how he usually got printed when arrested and make it funny. Sam’s eyes were wide as he listened to Todd amp up his rap sheet to make him sound like a super villain.

When Sam began to counter Todd’s antics with descriptions on how Spider-Man, Iron Man or Thor might defeat him, Blair ushered the tech guy away.

Jack followed, his eyes sharp.

Blair made arrangements to meet the tech at the new place shortly. As he packed up his stuff, she turned to Jack. “Think you can motivate our crew in their to pack up some things and come over?”

“Really?”

“It’ll take some time to get the prints implemented into the system but I want to test everyone today so we know it’s all ready to go and secure.”

Jack’s expression softened somewhat. “I want us all to be safe, too. We’ve had too many people just… walking in. We’ve had too many close calls.”

“I agree,” Blair reached forward and smoothed her son’s hair. “So while I oversee the setup, you get the rest of our unruly bunch to help with some of the move. I’ll even order in dinner and we can all eat at the new place tonight.”

“Awesome!”

“Get to it.”

The security set up went very smoothly. Blair had chosen the best for a reason. And once everyone had arrived and had tested their thumbprints to get the elevator moving and open the door to either the main house or Starr’s apartment, they also got a quick run through of all the things the system monitored.

As the tech droned on, Todd felt himself comparing the security to the place that Irene had him stowed away. The biggest difference was that Blair’s fortress had tons of windows and light as opposed to being isolated in a swamp somewhere with no windows and no natural lighting at all.  
Blair didn’t trust other people to take care of her on a good day and it was clear that the years he was gone hadn’t done anything to dispel those fears. She kept a baseball bat in the bathroom, a stiletto knife in her vanity and Todd had found mace and pepper spray hidden in the bedroom as well.

Blair didn’t feel safe in what was her home and she clearly wanted to be.

Todd wanted that, too, He wanted it for all of them so he didn’t object to Blair’s obviously high grade security.

Besides, this place was nothing like Irene’s compound. Even talking about the features didn’t send him back to that place. Blair was too ingrained in the entire place to send his mind back to white walls, white clothes, metal chairs designed to send electrical currents through every part of your body. For all that Blair loved a contemporary look, white walls were clearly not something she wanted, either. Every part of their new home had color in it.

Color and warmth and love and care… he smiled to himself. He could feel safe here, too.

He supposed it was ironic that two people that so many considered dangerous themselves would be so concerned about feeling safe and protected.

But what did anyone else in Llanview really know? Even the ones who loved them the most didn’t seem to understand what they had created together… what they had beat the odds to build in their family and their businesses and their life, tattered thought it was at times.

“Hey,” Blair’s voice interrupted his thoughts. He focused on her standing in front of him, looking at him quizzically. “Where were you just now?”

“Right here.”

She tilted her head, questioningly. “Really?”

“Really. Just here… with you and the kids,” he leaned forward and dropped a kiss on her forehead.

A touch of color pinked Blair’s cheeks since Todd had kissed her with the security tech standing there. “He’s going to wait until the food gets delivered so we can have a walk through of that…”

Todd nodded. “Pretty high tech place, babe.”

She shrugged. “I was married to this guy who loved to play with technology and gadgets and stuff. He was pretty good at it.”

Todd smirked. “You want a private fireworks show over downtown?”

Blair grinned at the memory. “Actually, I’ve got a better idea for fireworks.”

The tech cleared his throat hesitantly.

Todd flipped a lock of Blair’s hair up with his finger. “I think we’re making our guy uncomfortable.”

“We make everyone uncomfortable.”

As she stood there smiling, her green eyes twinkling with all kinds of devilry, Todd felt a sense of triumph. This was his Blair, she didn’t care who didn’t like how she did things, she only cared that she got done what she wanted done.

He wasn’t the only one who had needed to come home.


	53. Chapter 53

Jack was buzzing with energy when Todd brought him to work the next day. He was ready to start wiring the office to the new house and figure out how to Sync everything. He was researching automated home tech that Todd thought was more out of House of the Future exhibits than anything else.

Jack assured him that they were available now.

Todd found that interesting.

“Sam wants us to have a set up like JARVIS,” Jack commented lightly.

“What’s that?”

“He hasn’t gotten you to watch _Iron Man_ with him yet?”

“Your Mom calls dibs on the superhero movies.”

Jack smirked. “Imagine that.”

“Yes, your sister has already informed me that Thor and Captain America are easy on the eyes.”

Jack shrugged. “They are supposed to be superheroes.”

“So what’s JARVIS?”

“Well,” Jack thought for a moment. “Like an automatic butler/genie who doesn’t have a body… just a voice and basically does everything you need when you ask him to.”

“Does he do the laundry or clean up the kitchen?” Todd asked.

“No.”

“Does he take four year olds who wake up before dawn and feed them?”

Jack’s smirk widened. “Hope got you, huh?”

“She do that to you?”

“Not in the morning,” Jack admitted. “I’m pretty low on the totem pole when it comes to Hope in the morning. But almost everyone has had their turn bitching about Hope waking up really early. She’ll go to Starr or Mom first. She’s still getting used to Cassie but I guess she may have been heading to Mom but you were more convenient.”

“Yeah, your Mom was burrowed up against my back,” Todd nodded. “Leaving me open for Peanut. You know, we had nannies for Starr and for you. What happened there?”

“Mom stopped trusting nannies after Margaret Cochrane,” Jack said. “And none of the bodyguards she looked at had very good kid skills. Not with us anyway. With Starr,” his brow furrowed as he thought about that. “it was kind of messed up what happened with Hope. Thinking she was dead, finding out that Victor had planned to steal her anyway and tell her she was dead so he could run off with Cole’s Mom and live happily ever after. “

Jack couldn’t help but steal a look at his father then. The disgust and horror on Todd’s face was evident.

“Then there was the whole thing where Jessica was the one who had Hope and Starr got her back… I don’t think she wanted to hand her over to anyone else. And Mom was right there to help wherever she could.”

“Yeah…”

“You really wouldn’t have done all of that, would you?”

The tone in Jack’s voice gave Todd pause. It was pleading and cynical and questioning all at once. He studied his son for several moments. “I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, Jack. More than anyone has had a right to make. There are two things I can say with absolute certainty… I would never have done to Marty what Victor did and I never would have taken Hope from Starr and told her she was dead. What I did to Marty and what I did to you and your mother were the absolute two worst things I’ve ever done. Those two things… I would never do again.”

Jack mulled that over. “What did you really think when you saw me for the first time?”

“That you were perfect,” Todd replied immediately.

The disbelief was evident. “Yeah, right.”

“It’s true,” Todd said quietly. “I held you in my arms and I thought you were perfect. “ He crossed the room to stand in front of his son. “Look at you. You are so tall and you’re probably going to keep growing for a couple more years.” He let his eyes drift over Jack with a wistful smile. “When you were born,” Todd held one arm up like he was cradling a baby and gestured with his other hand. “You were this big… and really, a lot of that was blanket… fitting into my arm just so.

“Ten little fingers, ten little toes,” Todd looked down at his arm as if remembering the newborn infant. “A shock of dark hair on your head and you were really red when you first came out. You’d make these little grunting noises… like a little piglet. And…” Todd drifted off. “I was the first thing you looked at.”

Both arms dropped to his side wearily. “I had always wanted a son. The baby your Mom and I lost when we were first married was a boy. She asked me if I was disappointed when she was so certain that Starr was a girl because she knew how much I wanted a boy. I told her the next one would be a boy. I wasn’t wrong, either. I just didn’t expect there to be 8 years between. I didn’t expect a lot of things… but there you were, this tiny little perfect thing and I hated Max Holden so much. That guy had three kids he barely had anything to do with and here I was, eating my heart out, because something I wanted so much was out of my reach while he had an embarrassment of riches and didn’t even give a shit.”

The silence stretched out between Todd and Jack.

“I guess that’s what they call irony,” Jack said quietly. “I just don’t understand how you could have done what you did.”

“Good,” Todd replied. “I’m glad you don’t understand. I hope you never understand. You should never be so twisted up inside that what I did should ever make sense to you. The fact that you don’t get it, that it is so alien to you, means that your Mom did good in raising you. I would never want you to be like me.”

“Except that I am,” Jack argued. “The whole thing with me bullying Shane? Everyone likes to point out how like you that is.”

Todd considered that. “If you’re like me in that, you’re also like a lot of other people in this town. I know where bullying comes from so I know you were struggling when you took that route. For me, I had no power in my life except when I could exert power over other people and then having that control over others became something like a drug. A taste of power to the powerless is a pretty heady thing.

“But I didn’t really have anyone to help me out. You have a whole family here wanting to be there for you.”

“I knew Mom wouldn’t be too thrilled with me,” Jack admitted.

“Yeah, I get that,” Todd nodded. “But when it all came out, why didn’t you go to your Aunt Viki or   
something?”

Jack looked stunned. “Why would I do that?”

“Because she’s your aunt and she loves you?” Todd countered.

“Really?” Jack replied. “Maybe in a related by blood so she has to kind of way. Aunt Viki hasn’t really been a part of my life, you know. Besides, she wouldn’t have listened to me. She had Shane and his family parked in her house. I couldn’t go there… and why would I? She always sides with anyone else other than our family.”

Todd stared. Jack turned and sat down at the other desk as he figured Todd might be awhile in trying to make sense of what he had said.

“What do you mean by that?” Todd asked.

“Well,” Jack said with exaggerated patience, “when Marcie McBain ran off with Sam and then held Aunt Viki at gunpoint in some diner in Texas in order to keep from giving Sam up, Aunt Viki refused to press charges. I remember hearing Victor bitch about it to Mom. I mean, no one was on our side with that… McPain, Balsom, basically everyone in town was saying that Sam should stay with the McPain family because we suck. When push came to shove, Aunt Viki basically adopted almost everyone who had had a hand in keeping him from us,” Jack’s bitterness was evident. 

To say that he was at a loss would have been an understatement for Todd. “I can’t believe this…” he muttered. He looked at his son who was fidgeting as if he hadn’t quite meant to say that much. “Jack…” he strode across the room. “Tell me about it.”

“What do you care?” Jack’s response was quick and brutal.

Todd couldn’t help but smile a little. Jack was so much a product of him and Blair that it was scary. “Jack Manning, you are my son and I love you, even when you’re being a prickly little shit like right now. Hell, I especially love you when you’re being a prickly little shit.” Todd reached up and clasped Jack’s face in his hands. “Just tell me what the hell happened.”

Jack looked even more uncertain. “We barely know each other.”

“Well, sometimes that makes it easier,” Todd pointed out. “And, hey, after this, we’ll know each other a little better.”

==================================================

“Mom?”

Blair looked up from the various catalogues she was going through with Cassie to see Jack standing in the doorway of the living room. She cast a quick glance at the clock to see that it was almost six. _Time flies…_

“I may have made a mistake,” Jack took a hesitant step into the room.

“What’s up?” Blair asked.

“I told Todd about a lot of the stuff from the past year, about Shane, about why I did it and all that, about Aunt Viki going to Texas and the stuff with Spencer and Sam and Rex and Marcie McBain…”

Blair stood up and crossed the room to her son. She rested her hands on his shoulders. “Okay, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“He seemed pretty upset by it all.”

“Well,” Blair nodded. “It’s pretty upsetting stuff. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. I’m actually pretty happy you told him about it. Where is he now?”

“Not sure,” Jack mumbled. “That’s why I think I made a mistake.”

“Why?”

“He just dropped me off, said he had some stuff to take care of and to tell you he’d be back later.”

Todd being vague about where he was going and what he was doing was never a good thing in Blair’s opinion. It usually resulted in him flat out disappearing for several hours and coming back with secrets. He had promised her he had learned lessons and Blair hoped he meant it.

“Tell me what worries you about it.”

“He kept asking me why I didn’t go to Aunt Viki when I started feeling lost. When I told him she wasn’t around much that really upset him.”

Blair led Jack to the couch. Cassie retreated to one corner of the room and made herself appear engrossed in their previous work. “I imagine it would. Viki is your father’s go to when it comes to problems.”

“He just seemed surprised when I told him she didn’t come around much. Angry, too.”

“That sounds like something he’s going to have to work out with her. That’s not your fault. It’s true, Viki hasn’t been very involved in our lives for a long time. She’s had her own things to deal with.”

“Like siding with everyone else against us,” Jack grumbled.

Blair blinked. She couldn’t disagree with Jack but, once again, she was surprised that her son had been canny enough to see it. Blair had been furious to find out that Viki hadn’t pressed charges against Marcie McBain for kidnapping Sam and even though she hadn’t expected Viki to reach out to Jack after the truth about his bullying came out, it was still a disappointment to know that Viki’s alliances were not with her troubled son.

“So that was it,” Blair remarked. “Well, like I said, it sounds like something your father is going to have to work out with your Aunt Viki. You didn’t do anything wrong and there’s nothing to be worried about.”

“Doesn’t Dad have a tendency to go off the rails a bit, though?” Jack asked.

Tears sprung into Blair’s eyes and her throat tightened up. “That’s the first time I’ve heard you call him ‘Dad,’” she whispered.

Jack looked a little embarrassed. “It’s the first time he’s felt like one.”

“Okay,” Blair leaned forward and kissed her son’s cheek. “Thanks for telling me about all of this. It just sounds like your Dad needs to talk to his sister and work this out between them. I’ll keep an eye on the clock and touch base with him soon.”

Jack nodded.

“How’s your packing going?”

Jack made a face. “Ugh. Fine. We packed all day long on our day off! How much longer is this going to go on?”

“The longer you wait to finish the longer it will go on,” Blair told him as he got off the couch. She slapped him on the butt playfully. “So get to it! Just think about the awesome new digs we’ll be in by the end of the month.”

Jack let out a theatrical groan and thumped up the stairs in response.

“So,” Cassie said as she moved the shut the doors. “What’s the deal with Viki?”

Blair was silent for a few moments. “What deal?”

“I don’t think you like her very much.”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“What would you say then?”

“I don’t trust her.”

Cassie’s eyebrows rose at that. “Viki’s a wonderful person, Blair. Why wouldn’t you trust her?”

“Viki’s a _fine_ person,” Blair corrected. “She’s not wonderful although whoever does her personal PR deserves everything they make given how most of this town is convinced she’s a living, breathing saint among us.”

“You’re sounding a bit like Mother,” Cassie commented.

“No,” Blair shook her head. “Dorian’s descriptions of Viki are far more barbed than I could be about her. Viki’s a nice enough person even though I know that if she had her way I wouldn’t be remotely connected to Todd. She accepts that I’m a part of his life but she’s not exactly throwing parties over it. That’s fine, whatever. But I don’t trust her especially not with my kids.”

“Why on earth not?”

“First, there’s the DID.”

Cassie shook her head. “She’s got that under control.”

“Until she doesn’t,” Blair pointed out. “And who the hell knows what even triggers it anymore? Aside from that… Viki has very specific priorities which is fine for her but I know what I can’t count on her for. The most important part of that is that I cannot count of Viki to put the needs of my children over Todd’s specific needs. For her, Todd comes first before any of the rest of us.”

Cassie was quiet as she took that in.

“Look,” Blair explained. “The Cramers and the Lords don’t see eye to eye on most things. I have Dorian to call when I need her and Todd has Viki but Todd has every right and reason to not believe that Dorian would ever look out for him just as I have every right and reason to believe the same about Viki. As for the kids? They have much closer relationships with the Crazy Cramers than they do any of the Lords. At least when we break, we go to an institution. Viki and Jessica are allowed to go wandering wherever they want… Jessica I give credit to, she took herself to St. Annes. Viki never did that and when Jessica didn’t have a say in her own life, her family didn’t step up and do what was necessary. Bad publicity, I guess.”

“You’ve had to deal with a lot while I was gone.”

“I don’t hate the Lord family,” Blair said. “I just see them for what they are. And I’m not willing to allow their vaunted reputation to dictate what I think is right for my kids and my family. Viki made her choices. I made mine.”

Cassie nodded. “Fair enough. Wish I could be a fly on the wall when this comes to a head between you and Todd, though.”

Blair was worried. It was one thing for her and Todd to deal with their own issues but she had a feeling it might be very different if they were dealing with outside forces… especially if it was Todd’s beloved sister as an obstacle. She’d never really had to put her foot down regarding Viki’s involvement in their lives before.

It would all depend on Todd whenever he came home.


	54. Chapter 54

Todd remembered Lois’ name because it was too much trouble to try to come up with a bunch of L-names to accidentally on purpose get wrong. She’d been ensconced at Llanfair for so long Todd wondered if she had a crypt in the basement she retired to every night.

“I’m here to see Viki,” he said curtly before sweeping past her when she opened the door.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Manning,” Lois was always formal even as she was trying to keep up with him. “She’s having dinner with guests…”

“Like I care,” Todd tossed over his shoulder. 

Lois fell back. What was she going to do, wrestle him to the ground? Todd headed into the dining room to rudely interrupt his sister’s dinner party. 

“We need to talk,” he announced as he stormed in.

Viki’s dinner guests made the simmering anger in his gut amp up several notches.

Todd remembered Rex Balsom. He hadn’t changed all that much. His hair still looked like he was trying to fit into the late-80’s Madchester scene and he still had that bizarre twitchy quality that suggested a close relationship with cocaine. His expression was insolent and smug. Todd hadn’t liked Rex from what little he had seen of him before he was taken away and he liked him even less now.

Since Rex was present it was easy to identify the other two. The woman with the choppy haircut and a pound of lipgloss on her mouth had to be Gigi and that left the sullen looking red-head sitting between them who could only be Shane.

So this was the family that Viki had chosen over Jack. Todd studied each in turn.

“Todd,” Viki exclaimed. “I’m currently entertaining guests, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Todd pulled out a chair and sat down. “I’ll wait.”

True to form, Viki couldn’t keep herself from making introductions. When she introduced Shane, Todd spoke up. “I’m sorry for what Jack did to you.” Todd didn’t know Gigi from a hole in the ground and he didn’t give two shits about Rex Balsom but his parents weren’t the kid’s fault. And he was sorry for what Jack did. Todd had too much experience as both a bully and what the ramifications of that were for him to not be unmoved by it being carried on in his own family.

Shane flushed and mumbled something incoherent. Rex twitched even harder, if that were possible.

“But?” Rex demanded.

Todd blinked at him. “But what?”

“You’re sorry about what your psycho son did but…” Rex gestured that Todd had more to say. “Aren’t you going to start making excuses for him now?”

Todd’s eyes flickered to Viki when Rex referred to Jack as a psycho. He saw her eyes train steadily on her cup of coffee and he didn’t like that one bit.

“I’m not offering any excuses,” Todd said benignly. “What Jack did was wrong. That’s all. I’m expressing my condolences regarding his behavior.” Balsom wanted to fight, that was obvious. Todd imagined that Rex was eager to prove himself the better man against Jack’s father.

Todd’s opinion of Rex sunk further if that were possible. Todd had waged war with young bucks his whole life. He was always the alpha and, right now, Rex wasn’t even waging the right kind of war.

Besides, Todd was hunting bigger game.

“Would you like more coffee?” Viki offered the younger couple.

“Actually,” Gigi side-eyed Todd, his calm demeanor clearly unnerving her. “We have an early flight out tomorrow.”

“I’m going to miss all of you,” Viki bubbled sweetly. “But I’m so proud of you, Shane. Getting into that art school is a wonderful achievement.”

“Thanks,” he murmured.

“I think you’ll all just love London,” Viki continued as they stood up and exchanged hugs.

Todd felt vaguely sick to his stomach at the lovefest. “Hey,” he directed his comment to Shane again.

Everyone froze.

“Look them in the eye and smile when you meet them,” he told him.

“Meet who?”

“Anyone at this new school of yours. Look them in the eye and smile.”

“Hey, stay out of our son’s business, Manning!” Rex exclaimed.

“I’m sure Todd’s just trying to help,” Viki eyed her brother.

Todd shrugged as if none of it mattered. “I know what I’m talking about.” At the very least, he left Gigi and Shane not knowing exactly what to make of him. Rex could go pound rocks for all he cared but Todd still enjoyed pushing buttons, he just didn’t go about it the way he used to. If the kid listened to his advice, he’d be better off. 

==============================

“That was very rude, Todd,” Viki admonished him when she returned after bidding the Morasco-Balsoms farewell.

“Was it?” Todd asked. “Now ask me if I care.”

“Gigi, Rex and Shane are moving to London tomorrow and I will miss them very much,” Viki continued.

“Do you think their being gone will give you more time to get to know your nephew?” Todd interrupted.

That gave Viki some pause. “What?”

“I’m actually glad they were here,” he continued. “I wanted to get a good look at the family you threw Jack over for.”

“I did no such thing!”

“Liar.”

If the accusation was surprising, the low snarl Todd delivered it in was even more so. Viki’s face was a mixture of expressions, none of them particularly good.

“I talked with Jack for a long time today,” Todd said. “I asked him to tell me about the bullying, what led up to it, why he did it, all that stuff. He had a lot to say… hell, it seemed like he couldn’t keep it in once he got going.”

“Well, I’m glad that he chose to confide in you.”

“Do you think Jack’s a psycho?”

Viki blinked in shock. “Of course not, why would you even say such a thing?”

“Balsom called him a psycho about ten minutes ago and you said nothing.”

Viki didn’t reply although her expression noted some regret.

“What’s the saying about good men doing nothing?” Todd asked. “Does it count for good women, too? Rex stood there and called Jack a psycho and you did nothing. You said nothing. You’re Jack’s aunt and his god-mother. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“Do I get to tell my side of the story?”

“I don’t know, Viki,” Todd spat out. “Because I’m wondering how any story you tell me explains why anyone else in this town took precedence over Jack when he was struggling so much he resorted to bullying to feel any kind of control over his life. Tell me that you didn’t excuse Marcie McBain for kidnapping Sam.”

“It’s not really as simple as that, Todd.”

“I’m sure there’s a complicated reason for all of this,” Todd nodded. “You did at least give her one of your patented Viki lectures, right? Did you at least tell her she was wrong? Because, God knows, every time I took Starr from Blair, you’d do nothing but yammer to me about right and wrong until I was ready to rip my ears off! Did you do anything like that to McBain? Tell her she was wrong? Tell her to bring Sam back to Llanview and hand him over?”

“I tried to talk her down at the diner.”

“At the diner.”

Jack hadn’t really understood the whole situation with the infamous diner and, thus, his explanation had a few holes in it. From what Todd could glean from his son, Viki had gone on vacation in Texas and let everyone believe she was actually in Paris, France. When life caught up in the form of Marcie McBain with young Sam, somehow, everyone Viki had met in this diner wound up following her back to Llanview in some manner.

And then Carlotta’s diner burned down and was rebuilt to look like the diner in Texas.

Todd had always thought that Llanview was full of idiots but this really took the cake.

“I don’t even know what the deal with this diner is, Viki, we’ll get back to that. Did you succeed in talking this idiot down at the diner?”

“No,” Viki replied. “Her husband did that.”

“And you still didn’t do anything like step up and press charges.”

“I didn’t feel it was necessary.”

“But when Jack messes up by bullying Shane… you… what? Did you go and try to talk to him? Did you try to talk _him_ down?”

“Things were very complicated then, Todd.”

“ _How_?” Todd demanded. He could feel his blood pressure rising. He could feel his rage seeping into every cell of his body. “Tell me what was so damn complicated that you couldn’t help my son!”

Viki had long realized that this was an argument she was unlikely to win. What troubled her the most was the level of hurt both in Todd’s expression and voice. She was at a loss for how to explain the situation because she knew that no matter what she said, things would only get worse. “You have to understand that I was married at the time.”

“So?”

“Well, Charlie believed that he was Rex’ father… which made him Shane’s father. As you can understand that made things a little awkward.”

Todd stared at her. It was everything he could do to keep from screaming any number of the profanities that were going through his head at that moment. “Why are you talking in the past tense? And who the hell is this Charlie person I keep hearing about?!”

“Well, it turned out he wasn’t Rex’ father after all,” Viki began just as a rough voice echoed from the hallway.

“Who the hell is talking about Charlie Banks?”

A few moments later, Clint was wheeled into the room by Nigel. “Why is anyone talking about that philandering fool?” He saw Todd and grumbled a grudging greeting. “Oh. Manning.”

“Clint.” Todd eyed Viki and then looked at Clint again. “Charlie Banks is a philanderer?”

Viki’s entire body tensed so Todd figured it was true. After all, he’d been back for months now and hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Viki’s most recent husband.

“You might as well tell him,” Clint said gruffly. When Viki didn’t seem inclined to do so, Clint decided to do it himself. “Charlie didn’t deserve Viki and he proved it by cheating on her.”

“Who would cheat on Viki?” Todd asked, surprised out of his anger for the moment by the sheer surprise of someone not being faithful to his sister.

Clint looked mildly uncomfortable at that question. “Charlie was something of a soft touch,” he explained. “Echo DiSavoy is a manipulative bitch and took advantage of him in every conceivable way.”

“Who the hell is Echo DiSavoy?”

“A black hole of misery,” Clint replied. “An absolutely terrible woman. A mistake I made years ago and, unfortunately, she tried to milk that mistake and when that didn’t work she turned it all onto Charlie. The fool fell for everything she fed him.”

Viki looked less than pleased. “Do we really have to do this?”

Todd silenced her with a look. “I think we do,” he nodded. “I think I need to know what the hell happened in your life that you would continue to treat Jack as an afterthought.” Todd focused on Clint again. “What happened?”

“Echo came into town and tried to sell everyone on the fact that she was Balsom’s mother,” Clint replied. “Which should have tipped everyone off right then and there. Who in their right mind would claim him anyway?”

Todd really hated agreeing with Clint given how he acted during Blair’s confessions about Asa but he had to do it. He couldn’t imagine willingly claiming Balsom as a blood relative and he barely knew the guy.

“When she couldn’t get me to claim him she said she’d tell Charlie he was Balsom’s father. Charlie, desperate fool that he was, thought it was wonderful but Echo used that to not only manipulate her way into the carriage house but into this house as well because Charlie couldn’t stand the idea of his long lost baby mama out in the cold or whatever,” Clint’s disgust was obvious. “That woman burned every bridge she ever had to the ground… including Charlie and Balsom as it turned out… but he wasn’t going to listen to anyone.”

“That’s enough!” Viki said at last. “What’s done is done. Charlie is gone and the marriage is over, can we not talk about it?”

“Let me get this straight,” Todd said softly as he began to sort through all the information. “You were married to a guy who thought he might have been Rex’ father but wasn’t and then he cheated on you and your marriage is over anyway… and because he thought he was Balsom’s father for about five minutes, you made yourself unavailable to Jack when he was going through something that resulted in him becoming Shane’s bully in the first place? What about before? What about when Powell and Rebecca shoved him in a closet and told him if he said anything they’d kill Sam? Where were you during that? Who were you married to then? What about when Jack thought Blair was dead? What about after the mess with Victor and Marty? What kept you from being there for him during all of those things? Another husband of the week? Or did you just not give a fuck about my son?!”

A heavy silence settled between them all.

To her credit, Viki looked distressed at the litany of problems Jack had been through Todd had just rattled off. Todd hadn’t even covered all of what Jack had told him. The problem was that looking distressed _now_ didn’t fix anything.

“You know what? Nevermind,” Todd growled and swept out of the room and out the front door, slamming it so hard that the windows rattled. He hoped he woke up any sleeping kids just for the sake of making everyone in the house frustrated and miserable.

It was how he felt so everyone else should feel the same.

_I have a sister, her name is Viki, I trust her above all others._

Todd had held into that mantra for years and the situation he found himself in made him ill. He trusted Viki completely. When he had made a mess of his life, she was always the one he found he could turn to. When he hurt Blair, or when Blair hurt him, Viki was the voice of reason telling him to stop and think and not do anything hasty.

Was he wrong in thinking that Viki would offer that same solid, patient presence is his son’s life? Viki had been a place of solace and refuge for Starr when she was young… what had happened with Jack? Was it the fact that he had been present for Starr and when he and Blair fought or separated he took Starr to Viki where he could get advice? Jack hadn’t been bounced between his parents the way Starr had… in fact, Todd had shot himself in the foot completely when he took Jack from Blair as a newborn because after that, Blair had an ace in the hole if he ever tried to wrest custody of the kids from her again.

Blair had made it a point to keep Viki in Starr’s life after she was born while he was believed dead… that’s how he had met Starr in the first place. Perhaps Blair had rethought Viki’s place in the life of their kids after the constant battles for Starr and Viki’s allegiance in those battles.

Still, Viki was family. She was his sister. She was Jack’s aunt and his godmother. Shouldn’t she have made some effort?

Did a person have to be squatting on her very property in order for her to make an effort?

It was all too much. Thoughts bounced around Todd’s head in a chaotic jumble and before he knew it, he found himself at Rodi’s.

The decor hadn’t changed much since he had been taken. Every time Todd walked in, he wished that Rodi’s was still that same wonderful dive it was during his college days. At least the jukebox was still there. Pool tables were in the middle of the floor now as opposed to off to the side where you could engage in some flirting or cop a feel without being center stage.

He missed the dingy old wreck that Rodi’s used to be. He missed that one floorboard that sank on the way to the john. He missed how the place always had a vague whiff of stale vomit in the corners. He missed the crunch of peanut shells on the floor. Right now, Todd hated everything that wasn’t what it used to be.

Todd hated everything. Period.

Except Blair. He didn’t hate Blair. 

He didn’t hate his kids either. Or Sam or Hope.

But he hated everything else. And there was only one thing to do when you hated everything.

Drink.

He stomped over to the bar, pulled out a handful of bills and threw them on the table.

“Scotch,” he growled at the bartender. “And keep them coming.”


	55. Chapter 55

“Hey boss?”

John looked over to where Natalie was sleeping. Liam was nestled over her chest and the movie they had been watching was turned low so as not to disturb either one. At least this was a call from Rodi’s. No one from the LPD called him ‘boss.’ “What’s up?”

 

It was Sharon who was calling, a solid waitress who did some time behind the bar as well. “Todd Manning is here… the new one?”

“Actually, he’s the original,” John corrected her. “What’s he doing?”

“Drinking. A lot. We’ve done last call and he’s not budging. He’s not making a lot of sense, either. He’s tanked, no question, but all I can understand is eight years and rogue something… and disappointing families. And he keeps coming around to this weird chant with names and stuff...”

“Disappointing families, huh?”

“It’s a common complaint, I recognize that slur very well. That and woman or man problems but he’s not complaining about that,” she replied. “The point is, he’s not belligerent… yet, but I was thinking you might be able to get him in a cab at least.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes, hang tight.” John disconnected the call and immediately placed another.

“Hello?” Blair’s voice was tired and strained. “John? What’s going on?” There was an edge in her voice. No one liked hearing from a cop at two in the morning.

“Todd’s at Rodi’s,” he explained, nudging Natalie awake so she could hear what was what. “I’m going down there to keep him quiet but I’m hoping you might meet me so we can get him in a car and where he belongs? Unless you two have been fighting again…”

“Todd and I are fine,” Blair’s voice was clipped. “I’m on my way.”

John hung up and then got off the couch to reach for his jacket. He looked at Natalie. “This won’t take too long.”

“You hope,” she yawned as she rose smoothly off the couch and went to put Liam in his crib. “At least it’s not LPD business.”

John kissed her. “I’ll be home soon.”

“This is not home,” she reminded him sharply, one eyebrow raising. “This reconciliation is not going to stick until we find a place of our own. Go handle your unruly customers,” she turned towards the bed. “I’m getting some sleep.”

John smiled to himself. Natalie hated his hole of an apartment. Come to think of it, every woman he had seen for as long as he lived there hated it. He suspected Natalie had already found a place she preferred and was giving him limited time to come to terms with it before she made the decision for both of them. She was like that.

He found he didn’t mind so much anymore.

==============================

“Mom?” Jack seemed to have been lying in wait.

“What are you doing up?”

“I’m worried about Dad,” Jack insisted, taking in the obvious fact that Blair was heading out. “I know he’s not home yet. Do you know where he is?”

“Yes, I’m going to go get him.”

“Where is he?”

 

Blair studied her son and opted for the truth. “He went and got drunk. When he’s really upset about something, that tends to be one of his options. It’s actually his least destructive one so I’m feeling pretty good about it.”

“This is because of what I told him, isn’t it?”

“No,” Blair said firmly. “No. Absolutely not. Your father is thrilled beyond words that you finally opened up to him.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know him,” Blair stroked Jack’s cheek softly and chucked him under the chin. “Look, your Aunt Viki called me earlier to tell me that they had had a confrontation and he was upset. I’ve been waiting for him to call me or come home but he went to Rodi’s instead. Given that it’s been eight years since he went on a bender this one is going to hurt tomorrow. So, you go back to bed. Everything is fine. I’m going to collect your father and look after him tonight. By the time you get home from school tomorrow, he’ll be lucid enough to talk to you and you can straighten all of this out. But for now, don’t worry. Okay?”

Jack didn’t look entirely convinced but he was back in the habit of believing what his Mom told him. “Okay.” He offered her a half smile and went back to his room.

Blair had called a cab from her room and was happy to hear the doorbell ring as she descended the stairs. Todd had taken his car and she figured it was just going to be easier to drive him back in that as opposed to playing switcheroo with the various vehicles the next day.

Downtown Llanview was quiet as the bars had shut down. There were various stragglers as people who had closed were heading home. Rodi’s was on the southern side of downtown, fairly close to the LU campus, and not in the more fashionable areas like Capricorn was but Blair could see packs of LU students heading back to campus or the houses they rented nearby.

Rodi’s lights were still on and the parking lot was mostly empty. Blair paid the driver and headed in to collect her man.

“I want to know what ‘to serve and protect’ really means,” Todd was saying to John. “I want to know when you decide some people aren’t worth saving.”

“What Jack did to Shane was pretty brutal.”

“What Jack did, what Jack did, what Jack did,” Todd parrotted. “What about the other kids? Why doesn’t anyone talk about them? Why doesn’t anyone talk about the fact that Jack turned around and opened the door to that basement room and let Gigi Morasco out? Why doesn’t anyone talk about the fact that Jack stood in front of a judge and got put on probation because he was a first time offender? And he was the one that let the woman out of the room? You sit there and talk about my son like he’s a hardened criminal. What did he do before the Shane crap to make him not worth saving?”

“I’m not getting into this with you, Manning,” John insisted. “You’re drunk and…”

“Making too much sense?” Todd spun the empty shot glass in his hand clumsily on the bar. “You pulled Jack out of a closet that Powell and Rebecca stuffed him into, telling him that if he said a word, they’d kill his little brother… just after he came downstairs to find his mother, Victor and Tea sprawled out on the floor… he thought they were dead. Did that ever occur to you when this whole bullying crap started? Or did you just go ‘Well, he’s Todd Manning’s kid… everyone knew he was bad from the start?’”

Blair didn’t want to hear John’s response because, truthfully, she believed that people thought Jack was destined to be bad and there was no hope for him at all. She stepped into Rodi’s from the entrance alcove and cleared her throat.

Todd’s head lolled slightly as he turned to look at her. “Aww,” he crooned. “There’s my light that never goes out…”

Blair smiled at him. “Ready to go home?”

“I gotta piss,” Todd said wearily.

“Bathroom’s locked up,” John replied.

“Then unlock it,” Blair’s voice was overly pleasant, “or I’ll let him pee on your front door.” Todd’s drunken bluntness was actually rather humorous to her but she envisioned a very long night ahead and John being stubborn wasn’t going to help matters. She shot her ex a pointed look and John heaved a sigh and got up to unlock the bathroom.

Todd was close on his heels.

Blair drummed her fingers as she waited for their return. John came back first which was unfortunate because Blair wasn’t certain she’d be able to keep a civil tongue her mouth about what Todd had been talking about before. She was feeling strange these days, seeing everyone in Llanview differently than she had, seeing herself differently.

After telling the truth about Asa, she had told Todd that it felt like she had purged years worth of poison from her system. Then being able to unload and tell him the truth about how she felt about his strange relationship with Marty had furthered that. It seemed to Blair that she had broken a damn and it had swept away all the garbage and left a free flowing river. She wasn’t able to voice it completely but she could feel it.

She had once thought John was a hero… even her hero in some ways. The thought of it made her lips curl into a sneer almost unwittingly.

She had no patience for playing such games anymore. John was as full of shit as anyone. More so given his long history of covering for Cole Thornheart’s violent rages which resulted in… Cole Thornheart’s violent rages landing him in prison. John’s father had been killed in the line of duty when he was still young. Blair remembered that he didn’t have the best relationship with his brother when Michael first arrived into town.

“What were you like when you were fifteen?” Blair wondered aloud.

John looked at her curiously.

“You lost your father when you were about that age, right?”

John nodded, sensing he wasn’t going to like where this ended up.

“Handled it well, did you?”

“Does anyone?”

Blair just stared at him for a few moments. “We were married, you and I.”

“I know.”

“I needed someone to help me protect my children from a man I didn’t even recognize anymore. Jack was never an easy kid, especially after Spencer Truman, something you should appreciate. And I wonder, if you hadn’t run out within the week… would you have made any kind of effort with Jack? Did you ever look at him after the bullying came out and think ‘this is Blair’s son, too?’ or did you only see him as Victor’s by then?”

“I really wasn’t involved in all of that, Blair.”

 _A handy excuse_ , Blair thought. _And a nice way of dodging the question_. She studied him again for several moments. “I have tried for years now to fit in. I’ve kept my schemes and whatnot in-house, so to speak. And most of what I’ve had to deal with over the past years have been confined to family. The times I tried to get help, I got pushed aside and ignored. So,” she sighed. “I have to make the appropriate adjustments.”

John didn’t like the sound of that. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If my children can’t count on help to come, I will give them the means to _make_ it come.”

“You are so hot,” Todd said as he shambled across the room and leaned heavily against Blair’s back. He pressed his face into her hair and breathed deeply. “I love it when you tell this town to go to hell. Biggest turn on _ever_.”

Blair stared stonily at John for another beat before turning her head to address Todd. “Got your keys?”

He fished them clumsily out of his pocket and handed them over.

“Let’s go,” Blair said, shifting her position and looping one of Todd’s arms over her shoulders. “Oh honey,” she sighed, slightly amused and slightly aggrieved. “You’re going to be hurting tomorrow.”

“It’s possible I may have to throw up on the way home,” he told her cheerfully.

Blair smiled. John McBain was forgotten behind her and Todd took up all of her attention. “Just try to give me a head’s up, okay?”

It was going to be a long night.

=============================================

And it was.

Todd made it just to where they turned onto Lincoln Drive before he groaned loudly and Blair took the hint and pulled over so he wouldn’t mess up the car. For the next two hours, he either slept fitfully or was in the bathroom.

Blair had left him in the bathroom once to make herself some coffee and fill up a pitcher of water for Todd. Every so often, Blair would dampen a washcloth and press it against his face and neck. He would sigh appreciatively but didn’t have the energy for much else.

Blair stayed up for most of the night, watching over him. It had been almost nine years since Todd had over-indulged in alcohol and his body was clearly not ready for the bender he went on. Once he was out of the woods, she’d get her well-deserved rest.

At around five in the morning, the worst had passed and Blair got Todd to drink a glass of water and then followed it up with Alka-Seltzer Plus Night Time. That would give him medicinal incentive to sleep as his body caught up and then there would be the long day ahead as Todd contemplated the idea of food.

Blair then got the kids up for school. All of them were somewhat horrified by Blair’s ‘up-all-night’ face which she knew was not her best.

“Are you sick?” Starr asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

“Your father overindulged last night after eight years of not having any alcohol,” Blair explained. “It hit him harder than he was expecting and I’ve been looking after him. He’s sleeping peacefully now and once you all are off to school, I will be as well. When you all get home, I’ll be back to normal.”

“And Dad?” Jack asked.

“He will probably be wondering what happened that he can’t bounce back the way he used to,” Blair took a certain malicious pleasure in that. It wasn’t particularly charitable but she was too exhausted and grumpy to care.

Cassie, trooper that she was, stepped up to take Jack and Sam to school. Jack said he’d get a ride home from Tyler while Starr volunteered to be Sam’s pick up. Her schedule that day, luckily, had her going in that direction at just the right time.

Blair kissed her kids, her granddaughter and her beloved cousin, and gratefully returned to bed. She took the opportunity to indulge herself and set out an essential oil diffuser and dripped some lavender oil into it. As the soothing smell began to waft about, Blair wrapped her sleep mask around her head and nestled into the soft bed for well-deserved rest.

Todd woke up having to pee. The bedroom was shrouded in darkness and he shuffled into the bathroom, did his business and returned to bed. Some tiny machine was spouting out vapor on Blair’s nightstand and the woman in question was in full on hibernation mode, complete with sleep mask. Since Blair tended to use that only when she wanted to block out the world, he didn’t disturb her. On his nightstand was a mostly full pitcher of water, a glass and a bottle of aspirin.

Todd took two aspirin and drank it down. The water was, possibly, the best tasting thing in the world. He drank another glass before noticing that the clock read 12:30. He stared at it for a moment, his mind dulled by the drinking and resulting mess, before realizing it was midday. As ugly as Blair’s curtains were, they did a suitable job at blocking out the sun when the shades were pulled.

He felt lethargic still and not pleasant. Nothing hurt specifically, it seemed that Blair’s ministrations throughout the night had helped keep headaches at bay. He shifted to look at her sleeping form and smiled slightly.

It wasn’t necessarily the large, dramatic moments that created something special although he and Blair had had more of their share of those. When he was in need, Blair was there… always, from their earliest days. As he sat there looking at her shadowy form under the covers it struck him that moments like these were just as much as what drove him to survive and return as anything.

He got back under the covers and scooted closer to her, slipping one arm under her pillows and resting a hand on her stomach. Closing his eyes, he noted that the weird little vapor machine was actually spitting out a nice smell. _Lavender_ , he thought. _Blair likes lavender when she wants to relax_. He was always pleased with himself when a nugget of information he knew about his woman bubbled to the surface. There was something special about knowing someone so well.

But the thoughts faded in light of his feeling so run down and used up. _I did_ not _drink that much last night_ , he thought. _I mean, it’s been awhile but am I that much of a lightweight now_?

It was a little bit depressing to think his ability to handle his liquor had fallen so low. He didn’t dwell on it too long, however. He was soon asleep again.


	56. Chapter 56

Blair stirring woke him up. It was a sweet, slow waking… reminiscent of their early days together when they first became accustomed with the other’s small, everyday habits. Blair shifted, stirred and sighed, one hand raising slightly in a stretch. Todd stirred, too, shifting his body against hers before rolling onto his back and arching it with a soft groan.

When he looked at her, she was pushing the sleep mask up off her eyes and looking around. She smiled blearily at him. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Weak and pathetic.”

She snorted out a soft laugh. “Not surprising.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way after a hangover, babe. I didn’t drink that much. I was worse when I found out about Victor Lord being my old man.”

“Yeah, that was quite a night,” Blair agreed. “But, guess what, lover? You’ve been out of the game for a long time. Plus, this is what happens when you get older.”

Todd groaned.

“Hate to say it, but it’s true,” Blair sat up and tossed her sleep mask onto her nightstand, turning off her mister as well. “It takes me a long time to recover, too.”

“When’s the last time you had yourself a bender?”

“New Year’s Eve,” Blair shrugged. “That next day was rough.” She reached over and ran her fingers through the hair over his forehead. “Now, not to sound unsympathetic but it doesn’t matter if you’re feeling better or not. Jack needs you to talk to him.”

“What about?”

“About what made you go drinking last night,” Blair fixed him with a look. “Jack thinks it’s because of what he told you.”

“That’s not why,” Todd said immediately.

“I figured that out, thank you,” Blair said dryly. “Jack doesn’t know you like I do. I explained to him that it was probably your chat with Viki but he’s going to need to hear it from you. You need to be Daddy today.”

“I’m Daddy every day,” he replied, leaning in close. “I don’t forget who I am or what we made together.”

“Good,” Blair nodded. “I like hearing that.”

========================================

Blair set a pot of green tea in front of Todd in the eating nook in the kitchen and shortly afterwards gave him some plain toast with butter. Every suggestion she made for something to eat from their journey from the bedroom to the kitchen had resulted in a grunt of despair from Todd so Blair gave him something plain. Once she was done, she headed back upstairs to dress for Capricorn and left Todd with the kids.

But most especially Jack.

“You kinda look like hell,” his son said when he came into the kitchen.

Todd nodded. “Yeah, I bet I do.”

“Mom looked worse when she got us up for school this morning.”

“Well, you stay up all night dealing with a drunken lout and see how you feel. Especially when you get to be our age.” He smiled ruefully at Jack before nodded to the bench. “Have a seat, kid. Let’s talk.”

Jack slid onto the bench almost half hanging off the edge in his reluctance. “Why?”

“Your Mom told me you were worried about why I did what I did last night. She said you think it’s because of you.”

“I guess.”

“What did your Mom say when you said that?”

“That it wasn’t true.”

“She’s right,” Todd drank some of his tea and eyed his son. “I was mad about _what_ you told me but I wasn’t mad at _you_. I was mad at Viki and so I went to yell at her.”

“But then you went and got drunk,” Jack pointed out.

“Yeah, well, yelling at your Aunt Viki and getting some more information from her really pissed me off so I decided to blow off steam by going to my old haunt and having too much to drink,” Todd leveled a serious gaze at Jack. “It’s not the best means of solving your problems because that’s exactly what it _doesn’t_ do but… well… I don’t always make the best decisions.

“On the upside,” he continued. “I _did_ get to yell at John McBain a little. The thing is, when Viki and I started out as brother and sister, we didn’t like each other all that much. She was going through a hell of a time and I was trying to figure out what this new life I’d found myself in was all about. We only really started to connect right before I went to Ireland and really developed a relationship after I came back. Once that happened, she’s never missed an opportunity to lecture me about anything and since I make a career out of making decisions she disapproves of and acting on those decisions she disapproves of in ways she disapproves of even more I was astounded that she hadn’t come waltzing over here to clutch her pearls at you when this whole bullying thing came out.”

“It’s not like I would have listened to her, either,” Jack said with a shrug. “I really wasn’t listening to anyone.”

“You don’t know that,” Todd replied. “And if enough people had yammered at you maybe it wouldn’t have gone as far as it did.”

“Maybe,” Jack shrugged. “Who knows?”

Todd nodded in agreement and sipped his tea. “You were worried about me,” he said after a time. “That means a lot.”

Jack considered that. “Yeah… well… you’re not like Victor. He yelled a lot when he got pissed off and it didn’t really matter who he yelled at. He didn’t used to be like that. He just got that way, I don’t know, after the whole mess with Starr and Cole’s Mom and then Tea showing up… he just started yelling all the time. It wasn’t hard to figure out when he was upset or why because he made enough noise about it.

“You’re different. You get quiet. I do that, too. So does Mom. Starr still yells when she gets mad but I don’t know what you’re thinking or anything when you go quiet.”

“I used to yell plenty,” Todd admitted. “Still do. But it’s not all I do. It’s never been _all_ I do. Starr does it because that’s what I did and she was really, _really_ spoiled as a kid. You and Sam, I think, get plenty spoiled, too… but Starr was the first kid and she was the only one for a long time so she got her way a lot. Plus, your Mom and I were waging all sorts of wars with each other over her. She’s not just spoiled… she’s a spoil of war herself. When she gets upset about things she reverts to that six year old who loudly demanded that her parents get back together and give her a baby brother and fully expected to have her demands met.” He laughed. “Try not to hold it against us… your Mom and I had pretty crappy childhoods and we were both pretty firm in wanting to give our kid everything we didn’t. We went overboard.”

Jack smirked. “It’ll be nice to toss ‘spoiled brat’ at Starr next time we argue.”

“You two do like to spar,” Todd nodded. “It’s fair, your Mom and I like to do that, too. Fighting is just in our blood. The trick is to figure out what you’re fighting for… and to try not to cross the line. It’s really important to me that we be a family and have each other’s backs. I didn’t do very well with that for a long time but I’m not making those mistakes again. We’re a family. _All of us_. That’s important.”

Jack didn’t reply. They hadn’t exactly been united before. For all the bad things that happened, it seemed more along the lines of every man for himself. Blair always took on the brunt of things for herself and rarely seemed inclined to share the burden. Starr demanded everyone care as much about her dramas as she did and when her immediate family didn’t, she managed to find friends who invested deeply in her on-again, off-again mess with Cole. James Ford wasn’t nearly as much of a problem because he didn’t have history with anyone that their parents knew.

Jack actually liked that about him. Of course that meant Starr would break up with him. He lived in fear of what she might bring home next.

“I need some fresh air,” Todd said, draining the last of his tea. “Let’s go walk around the pool area for a bit.”

November had settled in and it was plenty cold outside in the dark. Jack hunkered into his coat and kept his hands in his pockets. There was no ice to worry about but with the way the weather was going, it wasn’t likely to stay that way.

“Nothing like a blast of cold to kick the ass of a lingering hangover,” Todd said right after a sharp gust of wind caught them both in the face.

“We’re not staying out long, are we?”

“Not long,” Todd said as they got to the far end of the pool area. He turned to look at Jack. “I want to marry your mother.”

The announcement could hardly be called a surprise. His parents, in any incarnation, seemed to be in a constant state of wedding fever. The surprise was Todd telling him. “Okaaaay,” he said warily.

“Your mother and I have already broached the subject,” Todd said casually. “It’s kind of a given with us but she has expressed a desire for a flashier proposal. That woman has always been a sucker for the grand gesture. But more importantly is how you feel about it.”

Jack considered that. “What, like if I said I didn’t approve you wouldn’t get married?”

“Maybe not right away,” Todd replied. “I think we’ve made some inroads, you and I. I get that you’re still getting to know me and the same goes for me about you. I know you love Victor and he’s the one you know…”

“Victor left,” Jack said pointedly. “He may be the one I know… or knew… or whatever… but when push came to shove, he wanted out. He took off on his own. You didn’t do that. You were taken away. I know I was kind of a douche before but --”

“Well, you wouldn’t be my son, otherwise.”

“It’s just that my life had turned into something I didn’t recognize at all and you were a convenient target.”

“I get that.” Todd nodded. “All too well.”

“I want my Mom to be happy,” Jack said. “And you make her happy… but you also make her miserable. If you hurt her…”

“Well, that’s going to happen, Jack,” Todd told him. “I’d love to promise you and her that I’m never going to mess up but I will. It’s a given. Your Mom is going to mess up, too. We’ll fight. We’ll get angry at each other, all of that’s going to happen. What I am trying to do is make this so that the mistakes I’ve made in the past aren’t going to be the ones I make in the future… relationships are hard work, even if you belong together like your mother and me. When I do hurt her… or mess up… I can promise I’ll do everything I can to make it right.”

Jack considered that. This blatant and frank honesty wasn’t something he was used to from a father figure. “Have you got a ring?”

“Not yet.”

“Hm,” Jack stared at the ground. “Can I come with you when you get it?”

That surprised Todd. “You want to come jewelry shopping with me?”

“I figure it’s something I should learn how to do,” Jack countered. “And for all that people say I get this or that from you… I’d like to actually learn something from my actual father for a change. You and Mom got married a lot, I’m guessing you’re pretty good at buying jewelry. That’s likely to be useful to me when I get older.”

“Much older,” Todd said firmly. “Don’t be buying any girls diamonds until you’re at least old enough to legally drink.” He was actually pleased beyond words that Jack had requested to learn something directly from him… his father. His _real_ father. “But, sure, you can come along.” He took a few steps back towards the house and then stopped. “Seems kind of old school, doesn’t it?”

“What?”

“A father teaching his son how to buy jewelry for his lady,” Todd grinned. “Seems far more genteel that I’m known for.”

“Same here,” Jack nodded. “But we’re Mannings, aren’t we? Starr says we wouldn’t be who we are if we couldn’t surprise people just as much as we do what they expect of us. Or something like that. Starr talks a lot.”

“Yeah, she gets that from her mother,” Todd hesitated then hooked his arm around Jack’s neck to bring him in for a rough hug. It lasted a split second before he released his son, not wanting to push things. “This means a lot to me, Jack.”

“Well… don’t get all mushy on me. People will talk.” Jack headed back into the house.

========================================

Blair got home at around one in the morning. She moved silently as she closed up and armed the security system before heading upstairs.

Todd was in bed, asleep, when she came into the room. He was a light sleeper and Blair didn’t attempt to be too stealthy. He’d never reacted well to that in the past. She dropped her shoes in her closet and then went into the bathroom going about her business normally. It would wake Todd up but he’d know it was her.

She washed her face and put on her night creme, brushed her hair and slipped into a long silk nightgown. Blair considered not bothering with that at times. More often than not whatever she wore to bed ended up wadded up at the foot of the bed anyway but Todd seemed to enjoy removing it as much as anything so she put it on.

Besides, after being on her feet and going over figures and schedules, silk felt good against her skin. Even better was the soft bedding and the warm body of the man she loved. She snuggled up against his back and kissed his shoulder.

“What time is it?” Todd ask thickly.

“A little after one.”

He grumbled, finding her hand with his under the covers and pulling it forward to press against his chest. “Our schedules kind of suck.”

“It’ll get better,” she whispered. “When we move, I’ll just be downstairs and won’t have to come all the way across town to get home.”

“That’ll be nice.”

“And you’ll be as close to the paper as we were when we lived in the penthouse.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“How did your talk with Jack go?”

Todd turned to face her, peering at her in the dark and sweeping the hair away from her face with one large hand. “It went well.”

“Good.”

“He’s still not completely sure what to make of me.”

Blair chuckled softly. “Honey, sometimes _I_ don’t know what to make of you.” She rested one hand on his chest, her fingers playing with his chest hair. “How are you feeling?”

“I think I brushed my teeth five times today and I only really got up at four.”

“Bit of cotton mouth, huh?”

He grunted. “Then I poured some scotch to try some hair of the dog and almost threw up again.” He sighed then. “When did I become such a pathetically cheap date?”

She laughed. “Oh, my angel, it happens to the best of us.”

“You must feel really sorry for me if you’re calling me an angel.”

“Maybe,” Blair’s laughed softened as she leaned forward to kiss him. She got him on the chin, then the side of the mouth, then the cheek. She nuzzled against him, her fingers sliding up to play with his earlobe.

“So McBain owns Rodi’s now?” Todd asked conversationally. “It’s bad enough that it’s not the dive it once was but now a cop owns it?”

“Doesn’t seem right, does it?”

“Would you really have let me pee on the front door if John hadn’t opened the bathroom?”

“I’d have let you pee on _him_ to be honest,” Blair murmured.

“What’d he do to piss you off?”

“What did Viki do to piss you off?”

Todd was silent. “Let’s talk about that tomorrow. I’ve got my woman in my arms and she’s all in silk and I know she’s rubbing her thigh against me that way to wake something up down there.”

“And it _is_ awake.”

As Todd slanted his mouth over hers, Blair was already reaching down to strip his underwear off of him. He knew her well enough to know that she wasn’t interested in anything long and drawn out. A middle of the night quickie was right up his alley.

He pulled her silken nightgown up as she stroked him into an even harder state. In the earliest days of their marriage, Blair would surprise him in the middle of the night for a quick one. Looking back, he figured she knew what she was doing. He was still uncertain about them and whenever she tried to be upfront about going to bed he’d get weirded out and not know what to do. His self-consciousness in the sack was more of a problem in the day or when they would first go to bed. But in the middle of the night, when he felt her fingers in his hair and her lips on his neck…

When she would whisper to him in the dark, luring him to her like a siren…

When he was protected by the darkness and less guarded…

When they would fall asleep afterwards, entwined together as their intimacy grew...

It was like this; quick and hot. Blair’s breathless giggles tumbled out of her when he slid inside of her, hiking one leg over his hip as they lay side by side. Moans and sighs in the night as their bodies moved together just so… his hand reaching between them to get her where she needed to go… her body tightening around him as she gasped in pleasure, fingers digging into his shoulder, breath hot on his face and he was quick to follow.

“Todd,” she whispered, her thumb brushing the stubble on his chin, before kissing him again… short, staccato kisses all along his mouth. “I love you…”

He moaned softly in response, hugging her against him tightly. She shifted the both of them until they found a comfortable embrace and let the night take them.


	57. Chapter 57

Saturday morning, Todd felt completely himself again. As Blair slept in, he bounded out of bed to make plans for him and Jack to go find Blair’s engagement ring. He figured a day trip into Philadelphia would do it. A reputation for spending money made it fairly easy to get diamond merchants to jump through hoops. By tomorrow, a certain store would have their very best from New York in for his perusal. Not just regular engagement rings, either.

Todd had specifically asked to be dazzled and he wanted to see some unusual pieces. It was all a question of whether they would deliver. He hadn’t been disappointed by them before. If there was one thing he was nervous about in this particular endeavor, it was schooling Jack. He hadn’t really been kidding when he commented about how old school and genteel the concept was. What was he supposed to say?

Would this bring up the whole topic of love? Did Jack have a girlfriend that no one knew about? He knew that Jack had made eyes at the Patel girl but he hadn’t seen hide nor hair of her since and he figured, at the very least, she might have been hanging around with Jack or waiting for him at school if they were an item.

This was his first real test being a father to Jack as far as he could see. It had been difficult getting Jack to even give him a chance but this was something Jack was specifically asking him to do. Was it strange that it wasn’t something involving athletics? Todd had always assumed that’s the direction it would go. His son was an athlete. An excellent soccer player and, according to Blair, quite good at any number of sports. Jack liked soccer though and decided to concentrate on it when he was about ten. It had worked out for him very well.

Todd knew next to nothing about soccer. He had been all football all the time since pee wee. 

Then again, Todd had also pretty much abandoned football after he got a gun barrel shoved in his mouth by Powell Lord, III. He had perhaps entertained thoughts when Blair was pregnant with their first and he wondered if Jack knew how to throw a spiral during his years away but he barely even watched the sport anymore… even before Irene’s goons had taken him.

“A thousand kisses for your thoughts,” Blair’s voice broke in.

He looked at her, eyebrows hitching up slightly. “My thoughts aren’t worth _that_ much.”

“They are to me.”

“Just…” he sighed, “kind of seeing where the crazy train of thoughts leads me.”

“Like, you’re thinking about work and the next thing you know, you’re wondering why anyone thought of eating an egg?”

He grinned. “Jack and I are going into the city tomorrow.”

Blair looked surprised. “Does Jack know that?”

“Well, he will whenever he decides to crawl out of bed. Anyway, it’s something he asked for.”

“Really?”

Todd nodded.

“That’s good,” Blair smiled. “That’s _very_ good.”

“Yeah, I was surprised, too.”

“What are you going to do?”

“That… is a secret.”

Blair’s eyes narrowed though her expression remained playful. “Is that a challenge?”

“It is _not_ ,” he told her firmly. “Jack and I are going to have some man time together, got it?” _Man time while buying jewelry_ , he thought. _Ironic_.

Her entire demeanor softened. “You used to do that when he was just a baby…”

Todd didn’t mind so much when Blair got all gooey about things. He shrugged his shoulders with a sheepish grin. “Well, I’ve got a lot of time to catch up on, too.”

“Yeah,” her voice drifted and her brow furrowed. Todd recognized that crease in her forehead all too well. “So, would you like to talk about what happened with you and Viki yesterday?”

Todd slowly spun the teacup in front of him. Turning it around twice before picking it up by the delicate handle and taking a drink. Blair seemed to really love tea. More than she did when he was around before. She drank it more often than she did coffee and Todd shared it with her more often than not. It wasn’t bad but it was also hard not to notice that Blair used different sets for different tea.

The green tea she gave him for his hangover recovery was served in a set that was very Asian in style. Bamboo handle on the pot and handleless cups like when they had Chinese food. She put honey in the green tea which was not what she put into what they were drinking now. This was milk and sugar and the set was a china with fragile looking handles, saucers and a delicate spray of cherry blossoms decorating them.

Blair waited. Sometimes, Todd just needed to sort through his thoughts before he started talking or declined to elaborate. She sipped her tea casually wondering what had happened to set him off the other night.

“Viki had guests for dinner when I got to her place,” he said.

“Really?”

“Rex and Gigi and Shane,” he nodded.

Blair’s expression shifted to say that she understood immediately.

“And she’s just… _fawning_ over them,” he clenched his fist. “These people… who the hell are they? Rex calls Jack a psycho and Viki just _sits_ there and says _nothing_. I step up and apologize for what Jack did and Rex gets all high and mighty, expecting me to make excuses for Jack or something… looking down his fucking nose at me as if he’s…”

“Better?” Blair asked. “Yes, I know that look. Rex Balsom somehow got Bo Buchanan to like him so Rex does think he’s better. Never mind that the little prick can’t manage a business for longer than two months, never mind that he subsidized his nightclub by being a pimp, no, he’s a special little snowflake, that one.”

“I am _wildly_ in love with you,” Todd said with a grin. “When I came back, you didn’t know how to be you or anything… playing nice and jumping out of your own skin and putting up a damned fortress around yourself. This,” he gestured to her, “is the woman I have loved ever since I sat down on a park bench next to her and she told me about walking away from Asa Buchanan having a heart attack.”

“You were _not_ in love with me then,” Blair scoffed. “You were in love with Rebecca.”

“The seed was planted that night, you little minx,” he insisted. “I love it when you tell this town to go to hell. One of my favorite things about you is how you call people out for what they are.”

“You don’t _always_ love it.”

“I do,” he promised. “Sometimes way, way, way, _way_ down deep inside. But I’ve always liked that about you… from the start. I seem to be the one that brings that out in you.”

“Only you, Todd,” she cooed. “Only you let me be who I am.”

He tossed a playful growl at her. “Keep that up and I might just drag you back upstairs.”

“Is that a dare?”

“Maybe.”

“How about you finish telling me about your talk with Viki first?”

He grumped at that but agreed. It felt good to have Blair as a confidant again. As he bitched about Viki talking about Paris, Texas and her wistful tone when doing so, he noted a sour expression settle over Blair’s features. “What?”

“I don’t have a very good attitude about Viki’s detour to Texas,” Blair replied. “And I really don’t want to bad-mouth your sister.”

Blair had always been welcoming to Viki, sometimes a little too much in Todd’s opinion, so this was a bit of a switch. “What are you talking about?”

“You and Dorian… well, mostly Dorian,” Blair amended. “Look, I love you both very much. You have always been very restrained when it comes to Dorian and you have no idea how much that means to me. Dorian is not restrained. At all. And even though a part of me understands where she’s coming from and why, it still kills me when she badmouths you. I can’t do that to Viki. You love her and depend on her for so much…”

Todd was almost wild with curiosity. What would Blair bad-mouthing Viki even _sound_ like? The concept was too good to pass up. “I promise not to be mad.”

Blair’s expression made it clear she didn’t believe that for a second.

“Hey, like you said, I’ve taken plenty of pot shots at Dorian. Consider this your chance to even the scales.”

Blair didn’t seem entirely convinced but shrugged her shoulders and started anyway. “Viki went away for awhile and that’s fine. Everyone deserves a chance to get away from it all. I know that she let Natalie and Jessica think she was in France because I’d hear them talking about it at the coffee shop or whatever and they’d update me every now and then in passing conversation.

“When the mess with Marcie McBain happened,” Blair’s hand clenched into a fist. “That was infuriating. You know, Marcie worked at that same diner and also made friends with Gigi. She told this sob story about her abusive husband who was chasing her and wanted to take her baby away which is a sure-fire way to get most women, and particularly a struggling single Mom, to be one hundred percent on your side. Viki gets held at gunpoint in some standoff that lasted… God knows how long at this point and then she hand waves it all away.”

Blair poured herself another cup of tea, adding milk and sugar as she liked, and taking a leisurely sip.

Todd noted the very distinct furrow between her brows. Blair was bothered and not looking forward to saying what she wanted to say.

“I took it personally,” she finally admitted. “It seems like Viki supports anyone who’s taking a child away from me. You… Tea… Marcie… At one time, I just figured that she supported you because you’re her brother but with Marcie… kind of blew that theory out of the water. I was on Victor’s side, thinking he was you… what’s the common denominator? Me. I mean, we were already having a hard time bringing Sam into our family. No one was on our side despite the fact that Spencer Truman and Margaret Cochrane were fucking monsters who didn’t care about anything other than that they hurt me or Victor… It just would have been nice if Viki had been on our side. She made the right noises to us but when push came to shove, she was far too lenient with Marcie.

“Not to mention her whole Paris experience set me on edge. She would talk about what an uplifting, life-affirming experience it was. She lived on a waitress’ salary and felt so alive!” Blair slammed her fist against the table. “Talk about facetious and demeaning. You know, Viki came back to Llanview and things went horribly wrong with Victor and me and Starr ran away and I wound up combing the beaches of New Jersey looking for my daughter and having constant flashbacks of my own days of living on the streets and every single time I heard Viki talk about her spiritual awakening as one of the Common People I wanted to punch her in the face!”

“Jesus,” Todd was taken aback at the way Blair’s explanation revved up. “This _really_ bothers you.”

“She never had to worry about money, Todd,” Blair insisted. “She can claim that she lived off of her waitress salary but she _always_ knew that she had plenty of money and could _always_ use it. It was _there_. She has _never_ known what it’s really like to wonder if she was going to make rent, or be able to eat the next day, or how to take care of someone depending you…” Blair’s voice trailed off and she lost herself in the past momentarily before snapping back to the present. “She was at summer camp and acts like it was real. Then, all of these people she played salt of the earth with followed her back to Llanview! They all had different reasons… and hell, Dorian was meddling for some of that but still… they all showed up here and they redid Carlotta’s into the Buenos Dias and there was just some strange, bizarre homage going on to Viki’s few months of playing the common man!

“None of them lasted. They all left. They _all_ went back to Texas… except for Gigi.”

“She left, too,” Todd said.

“What?”

“The dinner I interrupted was a farewell dinner. They’re going to London. Something about art school and the kid.”

Blair was quiet for a few moments. “I’ve wondered more than once what Gigi really thought of Viki’s going on about her time in Paris. Gigi actually _was_ a struggling single mother, raising a kid with medical issues and trying to figure out a way to make ends meet. I know that their family did finally leave the Carriage House but I wonder if staying so long was more Rex than her.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because…” Blair sighed. “I just got the impression from her that she had her feet more firmly on the ground. Rex is an entitled little punk and feels like he deserves the good life even if he never succeeds at anything. Gigi knew very well what it was to struggle but I don’t think she liked taking Viki’s charity for so long. Rex would take it until he was collecting social security.”

Todd laughed at that. “I don’t remember much from him before Irene got her mits on me but I do remember he didn’t make a very good impression.”

“He told us Sam was dead,” Blair said flatly. “He gave us a death certificate that he had forged because he figured out that Sam was the boy that Marcie and her husband had. Starr and Jack had a funeral for their little brother…”

Todd moved over to sit next to her, sliding his arm around her shoulders to pull her against him. He was relieved when she came willingly, leaning her head against his. “I’ll never stop being sorry for what I did…”

 

“I know,” she sighed.

“Also, that wasn’t really bad-mouthing Viki,” he told her.

She breathed out a whisper of a laugh. “Really?”

“I was expecting you to attack her character or style or something. When Dorian attacks me she always picks on my hair and my bloodline. I can’t really blame her for the second but I really take offense at her giving me shit for my hair. I have great hair.”

“Yes, you do,” Blair straightened up to look at him, running her fingers lightly over his sideburns. 

“You didn’t agree with how Viki managed her life for a bit, especially this ‘I lived the life of a common working person now totally understand them’ thing. I get that. I scrounged for food out of garbage cans…”

“So did I.”

“I lived under the poverty line for over a year and it was rough but I also made this amazing friend who would bring me food and good booze every now and then,” he squeezed her shoulders against him.

“And look how I repaid you.”

“Hey,” he gave her a gentle shake. “Look at us now.”

She turned to meet his eyes. “Yeah, look at us now.”

“I don’t care how we got here, Blair. I just care that we did.” He kissed her on the cheek. “Now, what can you tell me about this Charlie guy that Viki married?”

Blair groaned. “Charlie was not prepared for life in Llanview or for Viki, Grande Dame of Llanview. Dorian took advantage of that at the beginning but, by the end, it was clear that he had fallen in love with a waitress he felt he could relate to… not the matriarch of a blue blood Pennsylvania old money clan with dollar signs in their veins. It got to him bad. Even a rank outsider like me could see that...”

=====================================

“I really did think this was supposed to be you venting about what got you all riled up from your talk with Viki,” Blair griped later as she settled on the couch with Todd. He pulled her back against him so that she lounged right on him. He played with her hair as she sighed.

“I got to get some out but I really did want to find out more details about the whole mess. This Charlie guy had a kid who wound up married to Natalie… it’s all weird. Still, I’m just having a hard time reconciling Viki choosing her husband du jour’s fake family over Jack.”

“If you had to choose between me and Viki, who would you choose?” Blair asked quietly.

“That’s not the same thing,” Todd insisted. “It’s not about choosing your spouse over your sibling… Jack is Viki’s nephew and her god-son. That should have mattered a little bit and it didn’t seem to. When it comes down to it, that’s what pisses me off. Viki should have done something, she should have taken a harder look at Jack, she butt in all the time when Starr was in trouble but apparently if she’s got new toys in her yard, then family doesn’t matter.

“And anyway, you aren’t the same as Viki’s long trail of husbands. You are everything to me, this Charlie guy was just Viki's Husband Come Lately.”

“That’s not fair,” Blair said. “She loved him. She must have if she married him.”

“And then he cheated on her.”

“Yeah,” Blair nodded. “Well, like I said, I don’t think any of Viki’s Texas friends were prepared for Lady of the Manor… Charlie least of all. Dorian tried to mess with them but they were still in their new romance phase when it’s hard to throw a wrench into things that busts up that fascinating, endless possibilities feeling. Echo came along after Llanview’s insanity had broken Charlie down. Plus, he had to deal with a bunch of blows and this woman is apparently quite the opportunist. If her presence actually makes _Dorian_ take Viki’s side…”

“Yeah, that says a lot right there.” Todd sighed. “Viki maybe had her reasons but I don’t have to like them.”

“Never said you did.”

“And I’m just going to be mad about it.”

“You have the right to feel however you want to feel about it.”

Todd smiled, even though Blair couldn’t see his face from her position. “I like this.”

She hummed softly in response.

“I’ve missed this. I missed this for a long time,” he mused. “The two of us, talking about stuff.”

“Takes you back, doesn’t it?”

“It’s weird, isn’t it? How something can feel like it happened yesterday and, at the same time, a thousand years ago?”

Blair’s laugh vibrated against Todd’s chest. He curled a strand of her hair around his finger and his smiled widened as she sighed in contented happiness.

“Oh, God. Really?”

Todd reminded himself how much he loved his family. “Hey Jack.”

“What’s for dinner?” Jack’s expression warred between bemusement and chagrin at finding his parents wrapped up in each other on the couch. “And don’t you have a bedroom to do this in?”

“Do what?” Blair teased. “We’re just talking.”

“Whatever,” Jack sniffed. “Seriously, what’s for dinner? I’m starving.”

“What do you feel like?” Blair asked.

“I dunno,” he shrugged.

Todd laughed. “We should order pizza, then.”

Blair nodded. “I’ll get some wings and stuff, too. Be right back.” 

Todd looked back at Jack once Blair left the room. “Early morning tomorrow.”

“It’s Sunday!” Jack looked affronted to the core.

“We’re going into the city,” Todd told him. “I made some calls and they’re bringing in some special pieces to look at.”

“Oh.” Jack sat down in one of the chairs. “The jewelry thing. That was fast.”

Todd shrugged. “Some things you don’t like to put off.”

“How early?”

“Early enough,” Todd said. “The driver will pick us up at seven. We’ll make a day of it.”

“ _Seven_?!” Jack groaned dramatically which made his father grin. “What about my weekend?”

“Thanksgiving is, like, two weekends away. And then Christmas is a month later. You’ll have plenty of opportunity to sleep your days away then.”

“Okay, pizza is ordered,” Blair sang as she returned. She plopped down on the couch to snuggle against Todd again.

Jack rolled his eyes. “I am not hanging around to watch you two drool over each other. Call me when the food’s here.”

“Will do,” Todd said cheerfully as Jack bolted. He laughed as Blair looked at him. “What?”

“You’re so happy,” she smiled. “I like seeing you like this.”

“Oh,” he breathed. “Happy doesn’t usually sit well with me.”

“Get comfortable with it,” Blair told him. “We’ve earned this.”

It was hard to disagree.


	58. Chapter 58

Todd and Jack sat across from each other on the train nursing an awkward silence that had started since they sat down.

Jack drummed his fingers on his knees, looking out the window. “So… how does this work?”

Todd cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

“Do we go in and they take us to a vault or something? Is there a pile of jewels that we wade into like Uncle Scrooge? How does this work when you put in special requests?”

“Oh,” Todd felt himself smile in some weird way and inwardly cringed. This should not be so difficult. “Well, there’s usually a back room that they have pieces to display if you set up an appointment or if you’ve got enough cash to wave around as a walk-in. Sometimes, they ply you with alcohol. Champagne, usually, but they can generally get whatever...”

Jack perked up. “Really?”

“You’re underage,” Todd reminded him firmly. “So you don’t get any.”

Jack rolled his eyes.

“I’m sure you’ve imbibed a bit already,” Todd said conversationally. “You’re sixteen, you’re an athlete, you hung out with some questionable characters. Hell, it wouldn’t surprise me if Dorian gave you some watered down wine a time or two since that’s what the French do and she’s determined to be as French as possible.”

That earned a wry grin from Jack.

“I’d rather you have some kind of relationship with alcohol than not, to be honest,” Todd continued. “I saw too many guys, and girls, coming from strict households who went absolutely fucking nuts when they shook free of their parents in college. Most didn’t last the first semester. I also went to prep school and I know that kids can get booze pretty much whenever they want. If I had my way, it wouldn’t hold any real allure to you. It shouldn’t be a big deal because then it won’t be some forbidden temptation. Kids get stupid about what they shouldn’t do and then, with alcohol, people get more stupid, violent and crazy.”

“Were you drunk when you raped Cole’s mom?” Jack asked quietly. Their compartment was private but it still wasn’t something he wanted to shout out.

“Yes,” Todd replied. “But that’s not an excuse. I didn’t need to be drunk to do awful things… I just did awful things and being drunk was incidental. When what’s inside you is twisted and broken drinking doesn’t necessarily make it worse, it just… it’s always there and sometimes the drinking just rips down any barriers you may have between thought and action. That’s why you have to be careful.”

Jack seemed to consider that. He looked out the window as the train sped on.

Todd thought in silence, too. Perhaps it wasn’t particularly well-advised to jump in with serious subject like alcohol and rape when his relationship with Jack was so new and tenuous but it felt disingenuous to start anywhere else. Everyone knew Todd’s reputation, none more so than him or his family and his children were most likely to bear the stigma so he felt it made sense to just start with that.

Parenting, real parenting that involved the unpleasant side of growing up… Todd had never been prepared for that part of it. That didn’t matter, though, he was here and so was Jack and he was going to do the best he could.

=======================================

“You’re pouting,” Blair remarked casually.

“No, I’m not,” Starr replied with a sullen tone.

“Yeah, I’m only your mother,” Blair smiled. “I’ve only seen that expression on your face, oh, all the time.” She gave her daughter’s nose a light tweak. “What’s wrong?”

“Why’d Dad take Jack out today?”

“Man time,” Blair shrugged. “Are you jealous?”

Starr huffed.

“Is Daddy’s Little Princess jealous that her brother is getting attention?” Blair asked in a highly exaggerated pandering voice.

“Knock it off!”

“I think you’ll have a harder time selling your brother in the park this time around,” Blair continued to tease.

“Well, what are they doing?!” Starr demanded.

“They are having Man Time together,” Blair’s voice went back to normal. “Jack requested it, apparently.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“Yes.”

Starr looked skeptical.

“You and your father are fine,” Blair pointed out. “He’s also got a good relationship with Sam and with Hope. Jack’s been the question mark in all of this and your Daddy has been working very hard to get that brother of yours to open a door and let him in. We’ve all notice the change in Jack over the last few months.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Starr nodded. “He’s still a pain in the ass, though.”

“As I understand it, little brothers are supposed to be that.” Blair smiled. “Anyway, I figured that there would be some left out feelings which is why I’ve got you and Sam and Hope all booked up to get more work in the new places done.”

Starr didn’t look as thrilled as Blair hoped.

“What’s wrong?”

“That sounds like work, not fun.”

“It involves shopping, spending money and Cassie can’t wait to spend the day with Hope so you and Sam and I have plenty of time to play.”

Starr looked a bit more open to the concept. Blair gave her a stern look.

“You know, if you keep pouting like this I’m going to start taking it personally.” Blair left the living room and called for Sam.

Starr knew she was being unreasonable and that her mother was right, Jack had been on the precipice for so long and getting him back was the high priority. Still, she was so used to being the apple of her father’s eye that the feeling of being ousted didn’t sit well. Furthermore, she had already been ousted as such when Victor believed he was Todd and caught her in bed with Cole and then had been gifted with Dani. Getting her real father back meant all of that was washed away… only for Jack to take precedence.

She sighed petulantly. “I know I’m being a brat,” she sighed to no one. She flopped back onto the couch and stared outside at the gray day.

Blair came in to see her daughter gazing listlessly outside and went to physically remove her from the couch. She grabbed Starr’s wrists and hauled her to a standing position. “You’ve got pre-holiday ennui,” she remarked. “It will do you good to get out of the house and into a brightly decorated shop to dazzle and amaze the senses.”

Starr grunted.

“Have you gone Christmas shopping yet?”

“Some,” Starr sighed. “I don’t have any good shopping partners anymore.”

“Gee thanks,” Blair replied dryly.

“Please,” Starr rolled her eyes with dramatic Cramer flair. “You know what I mean. Langston and I used to have so much fun when we’d go shopping together. We’d go into some of the craziest stores and find the best things.”

“You have friends at LU,” Blair pointed out. “Your ‘Science Bitches,’ right?”

“Yeah, but none of them have the Cramer Shopping Gene,” Starr groused. The science department wasn’t exactly female heavy so the girls who did major there tended to get to know each other. Starr liked them and they had fun together but no one could shop like a Cramer girl. One had to be taught.

“Well,” Blair nodded. “Few do.” She turned and bellowed up the stairs. “Sam! Let’s go!”

Before too long, they were threading through the aisles at Logan’s heading towards the kitchen department.

Starr couldn’t help the twitch of a smile when she heard her mother heave a sigh about the Christmas decorations. It was a long-standing complaint of Blair’s. She didn’t think Christmas should be in the stores until after Thanksgiving and even though she was told, repeatedly, why the stores decorated early, she didn’t care.

It was nice that some things didn’t change.

“Starr, I think you should buy this!” Sam said suddenly, his voice holding a hint of awe.

He was gazing at a stand mixer and it was a rather stunning one at that. It was dark purple with pink and lavender pinstriped flames decorating it. Starr grinned. “That is pretty cool, actually.”

“Just invite me when you’re going to make cookies with it,” Sam reminded her.

Starr laughed at that. “Deal.” 

“So this is a yes?” Blair asked.

Starr nodded and Blair gestured to the well-tailored young lady who accompanied them. Logan’s being as high end as it was did have personal assistants available and Blair had procured one before they had arrived. The woman tagged one of the purple flamed stand mixers and radioed it for pick up. 

Blair steered her kids towards plates and dishes with a smile.

=========================================

“Tiffany’s, huh?” Jack asked as they walked into the building.

“I like it,” Todd nodded. “They’ve got a certain style that I like. And they always seem to come up with something amazing.” He grinned. “And your mother loves it when I bring a little blue bag home.”

“So when do you know it’s time to break out the jewels?”

“Well,” Todd studied his son for a moment. “I’ll be honest, if a woman demands or expects jewelry, she’s probably not worth buying for.”

A few eyes turned towards Todd at this announcement. Some young ladies who were there with older men turned their noses up with ‘hmpf’s of indignation. The older men patently ignored Todd’s declaration.

“Are you saying that Mom never demanded jewelry?” Jack asked, his voice hushed.

“No, she never did,” Todd said. He paused going back over their time together. “She didn’t ask for much of anything, really.”

“Come on,” Jack was disbelieving. “Everyone says Mom is a gold-digger. And it’s not like either one of you are shy about owning up to the fact that she lied to get you to marry her because you were rich.”

“Your mother loves having money,” Todd explained. “She doesn’t love asking for it. There’s really only two things she ever asked me for that involved money and that was a radio station and money to pay for your Grandma Addie’s care. And she hated asking for the money.”

“She was okay about asking for a radio station?”

“That was for revenge,” Todd grinned at the memory. “And she didn’t ask me to buy it for her. She said it was a good item to put in my portfolio, which it was. The thing about your Mom, Jack, is as much as she wants money, it made sense for her. Plus, she never sat around and just spent it. She had her own business… when she married Asa she had a business, when she married me she had a business. She’s got one now. She doesn’t just sit on her ass and spend money. She wants to earn her own way.” He poked Jack in the chest. “That’s just one of the things that make her so special and one of the things that most people refuse to see.”

It was at that point where they were met by an associate and taken to a private viewing room. Todd clapped Jack on the shoulder and explained that this was a first trip for his son and maybe a hands-on lesson in diamonds and jewelry was in order.

It was pleasant to watch Jack learn. He had a curious mind and seemed to enjoy learning something new. He compared different diamonds, particularly when it came to color and clarity, and as things progressed began asking questions of his own.

Todd took the opportunity to look over the selection they had brought out for him to look at. He’d had quite a career at buying engagement rings for Blair and as beautiful as they all were they were also all different.

“Just the tip of the iceberg,” their sales associate, a rather debonair gentleman of about fifty, nodded his head slightly at Jack as they finished their lesson. He then turned to Todd. “Now then, shall we get down to business?”

======================================================

“What do you think, Sam?”

They had since moved onto a furniture store where Sam was surveying the landscape from atop a loft bed. Blair liked the bed because the steps that led from the floor to the loft were also drawers and it left lots of room for playing down below. Sam was already talking about blanket forts and sleep overs.

“I like it,” Sam said with a ring of finality. They’d viewed a few others but Sam really liked this one. As imaginative as he was, he was also a practical little boy and had chattered about which drawers could hold which toys. Blair was feeling pretty good. 

“Okay, climb on down, I need you to try out these ottomans, too.” She nodded at the salesperson that was with them, who scanned the loft bed into her system.

The ottomans in question folded out into a bed. Blair liked it because they folded up but were also pretty comfortable as well. “I think I’m going to get one of these for Jack, too. Just in case one of his buddies stays the night.” Blair thought for a moment. “I don’t even know if boys do that at his age… but… just in case.”

“How does that feel, Sam?”

“It’s comfy,” he chirped happily, sprawled out on the unfolded ottoman. “I like this, too.”

Starr laughed lightly. “I don’t know why I’m even asking,” she glanced at her mother. “Sam could sleep on a pile of broken glass.”

Blair nodded and turned to the salesperson. “One in royal blue and one in red, please.”

“I need to look at daybeds,” Starr said suddenly, heading over to that section before the words were out of her mouth.

Blair and Sam followed along. Sam was a good sport about all of this but Blair could tell he was reaching the end of his patience. Still, he enjoyed being included in the decisions. Blair was still being cautious about Victor’s departure from his life. It was still new so Sam wasn’t particularly bothered but there would come a time when Blair expected her youngest to take notice of Victor’s complete absence. She had a feeling that it would come at Christmas. She had just gotten to the point of being comfortable to that Jack was on the right track again, now she was worried that Sam was going to veer off.

She didn’t sleep well on most nights thinking about it.

Starr’s sudden determination to have a daybed rang some bells. Starr had been happy about being able to take her time to decorate her spacious new apartment. She had Hope’s room handled and her own room mostly decided. The third room was meant to be a work-slash-guest room but Starr had laughing said that she didn’t have any guests coming anytime soon so she didn’t have to worry.

Now? Blair wondered just who was heading their way. Starr was being far too casual and simultaneously driven. This wasn’t Langston coming for a visit. Something was up.

Starr was examining her sixth daybed, a rather stylish model with drawers underneath, when Blair finally decided to broach the subject. “Expecting company?”

Her daughter flushed slightly. “Maybe… I don’t know.” She glanced at her mother. “Is that okay?”

“You’re a grown woman,” Blair pointed out. “And even when you weren’t that didn’t stop you from making your own decisions. I set you up in your own place so you could have the autonomy to have guests whenever you pleased. You don’t need to ask me or your father for permission.”

“I know,” Starr said quickly. “I just… feel a little nervous.”

“What’s up?”

“Do you remember Travis?”

Did Blair remember her daughter’s first dance? Her first kiss? The kidnapping in New York when Starr ran away? She raised an eyebrow at Starr.

“Okay, you do,” Starr’s lips curved into a smile. “We’ve sort of reconnected.”

“How’s that?”

“Emails… Facetime… just… reconnecting,” Starr said. “Getting to know each other again, finding out what we’ve been up to since we last saw each other. He was pretty surprised to find out I had a kid.”

“I bet,” Blair nodded, her eyes drifted to Sam who had found some catalogues and was amusing himself with those. “Did this reconnecting start before or after you broke up with James?”

“Before,” Starr sighed. “It actually pushed the break up along. I told you I was bored and that we didn’t have much in common. Chatting with Travis really brought that out because I can talk to Travis about science and stuff. He’s more into engineering, I mean, that’s the degree he’s going for after all, but he at least understands what I’m talking about.” Starr flushed even deeper as she looked at her mother. “I mean, sex is good and all but you can’t do it all the time. And even when I had James as a boyfriend and Travis as a friend… it just made one side less interesting than the other. Are you… completely embarrassed by me right now?”

“Actually,” Blair laughed. “I was thinking how proud your Aunt Dorian would be with you having a bed partner and a brain partner. Dorian is of the opinion that it’s very rare to find a man who can satisfy the body and the mind, which is why she tends to look for young lovers and keep old acquaintances.” She reached out and stroked Starr’s cheek. “You are a young woman figuring out how love and friendship works, figuring out what makes you fulfilled and what sort of partner works best for you. When I was your age, I was desperately trying to land a rich man in order to take care of necessities. If I provided you a life where you don’t feel desperate for money and security and can actually figure out the more important things, I think I’ve done a good job.”

“You did a great job,” Starr was firm. “I had an unconventional life but I’ve always known I was loved.”

“That’s good,” Blair felt her eyes getting misty. “That’s very good.”

“Anyway, Travis and I figured we wanted to see each other again and Thanksgiving weekend is a long one so I thought I’d give him a place to sleep. I mean, I’m not ready to make assumptions as to what our relationship is going to be.”

“Well, it sounds like you’ve got everything figured out as much as it can be,” Blair nodded. “Now you just have to figure out what you’re going to tell your father.”

“Ugh,” Starr groaned. “I can’t even imagine how that’s going to work.”

“Todd isn’t Victor,” Blair reminded her. “And he hasn’t met Travis yet so it’s kind of a clean slate. Just be honest with him. He’ll like that.” Blair wasn’t entirely sure of that but there was a wicked little thrill at the idea of Todd having to come face to face with his very grown up daughter and the suitors she picked. 

Todd deserved the chance to show his daughter that he could be the supportive parent when it came to her relationships. He deserved the chance to show her that he could listen and be willing to acknowledge and accept a man in her life. Victor had left significant scars on Starr when it came to Cole and Todd deserved the chance to heal some of those wounds.

Personally, Blair wanted to know what Travis had been up to since the escapade in New York. He’d always struck her as a good kid at heart even if he was going through some rough times.

And a boy who was studying engineering couldn’t be that much worse than what Starr had chosen for herself the last two times, could it? Blair certainly hoped not.

==================================================

“This looks like the fourth engagement ring I got for your mother,” Todd said wistfully.

Jack sent a quick glance towards the gentleman who was helping them. He seemed utterly unruffled at the number of engagements Todd had mentioned. “How many rings have you gotten her?”

Todd looked at Jack and then counted silently. “This will make five, I’m pretty sure. The first one was my mother’s ring. The second one was an emerald. The third and fourth were both diamonds. The fourth one lasted through two separate wedding ceremonies… three if you count the last one that didn’t take.” He chuckled and sent a wry look at their sales associate. “My woman and I have a colorful relationship.”

“Quite so,” was the dry reply.

Todd put the ring back down and surveyed the selection. “These are all nice but I think I’d like to focus on color. The moment your Mom and I always go back to was our second wedding. That was our perfect time and I think using that as a springboard for inspiration would be a good idea.”

“Emeralds then, sir?”

Todd thought for a moment. “No… I don’t want to repeat myself. Things are different than they were then…” he studied the rings again. “But definitely color.”

It took several moments before a new selection was presented. Sapphires, rubies, and diamonds of various colors were put on display. Todd leaned his chin on his hand and let his eye wander.

It didn’t take long to see it. He straightened instantly and reached forward to pick the ring up. He stared at it for several moments before showing it to Jack. “What does that remind you of?”

The thickness of Todd’s voice was enough of a giveaway but Jack would have had to have been blind and stupid to not get it. The gem was what their associate had described as ‘pear shaped’ during his lesson but Todd held it so the narrow end was pointed down.

“It’s a gold balloon.”

“That would be a pear-shaped, fancy intense, yellow diamond,” their associate filled in the technical details. “This one has a carat weight of 2.11 surrounded by round brilliant white diamonds. The band is platinum and 18k gold.”

It was as good as bought, Jack knew. He looked at Todd for a long time, really looked at him, and finally saw the guy that was in that old photograph. That picture of his parents surrounded by golden balloons always had a presence somewhere in their house. Sometimes proudly displayed in a main room. Sometimes only in his mother’s room. Sometimes even in a photo book. But it was always there. His mother in that weird prairie looking dress and his father with hair down to his shoulders.

Everyone in their family knew about the golden balloons.

And now Todd had found a ring that looked like a golden balloon. Jack wondered how much it cost.

Todd was asking for the size and beamed when it was exactly the size he needed. “I’ll take it.”

“How much is it?” Jack whispered.

Todd smiled indulgently at his son. “Does it matter?”

“Well,” Jack frowned. “Shouldn’t it?”

“I can afford it,” he reminded Jack.

“What if it’s like… two million dollars?” Jack had been surrounded by wealth all of his life but this was different. He’d never actually purchased anything huge himself.

“I can afford that,” Todd said but he nodded at the associate. “Satisfy his curiosity.”

“$80,000.”

Jack gulped audibly.

Todd laughed. “Don’t worry, kid, you won’t be dropping near that much the first time you buy jewelry for someone. Let’s wrap this up and head home.”


	59. Chapter 59

Being in the apartment and putting the smaller items away really did make a difference. Starr hummed happily to herself as she set up her purple mixer and then took the dishes her mother unwrapped and put them away.

Sam was watching TV. It was actually kind of nice that Blair had already had cable and internet installed in the new residence. Things were so close to being ready Starr found herself getting anxious.

“So, the big stuff is getting delivered this week?”

“Yep,” Blair nodded. “Here and upstairs as well. The last of the furnishings that are required to move in, basically. From then on, if you want something else, it’s up to you to schedule it and be available.”

“And Cassie’s okay with us leaving?”

“I think Cassie is used to being on her own and is more than ready to have that old mansion creaking around her. River’s coming to visit for Thanksgiving and I think Kelly and Joey and Zane are going to join them.”

“What about Aunt Dorian?”

“Dorian is actually going to Paris to see Adrianna.”

Starr smirked. “And how do you feel about that?”

Blair raised an eyebrow at her daughter. “What are you getting at?”

“Does Aunt Dorian know that you and Dad are back together?”

“It’s not something that has been discussed,” Blair said vaguely.

“Is that so?”

Blair sighed. “Dorian is very, very busy with her new senatorial duties and I’m not ashamed to admit that I have taken advantage of that. Your father and I have needed this time to reconnect and get things out in the open and talk about issues that have been between us for years and Dorian, though I love her dearly, is not conducive to such things.”

Starr was always vastly amused when her mother’s language became more formal. It always meant that she was choosing her words very carefully. “You mean Aunt Dorian is a big buttinksi.”

Blair laughed. “Well, yes, she is… and it’ll just be better if she gets upset about this when we’re not all living in her house.”

“Because then you can lock the door and not let her in?”

“It has it’s advantages,” Blair nodded. “You know I love Dorian. She’s been a wonderful and supportive presence in my life but she hates your father and she hates that I love him. In a sense, I understand where she’s coming from. I would have a very hard time accepting you being in a relationship that has been so destructive and hurtful for so long but…” Blair sighed. “I guess when it comes down to it, your father and I are an exception. We never fit in ourselves so it makes sense that our romance doesn’t, either.”

“That’s true,” Starr smiled to herself then looked around. “I think it’s so great that you did this for all of us.”

“Well, let’s be honest,” Blair laughed. “I selfishly wanted my own place after so many years. This is my dream… the rest of you are just along for the ride.”

“It’s going to feel pretty lonely without my annoying brothers around,” Starr mused.

“It’s never lonely with a little one like Hope around,” Blair reminded her. “And your annoying brothers will be right upstairs and accessible. I don’t think you’ll miss them all that much.”

==============================================

Todd had a dreamy expression on his face. Jack was vastly amused by it.

“You keep looking like that, Mom’s going to know something’s up.”

“Looking like what?”

“You may as well have hearts floating over your head,” Jack batted his eyes, clasped his hands against his cheek and sighed rapturously. “I think my fiance is ever so dreamy,” his voice breathless.

“Smart-ass,” Todd quipped. “Hey, I’m not happy very often. I’m indulging.”

“Barf,” Jack snorted.

“I look forward to seeing this expression on your face when you fall in love,” Todd remarked. “I’ll take a picture and make fun of you mercilessly.”

“Don’t hold your breath,” Jack’s mood soured slightly.

“I thought there was a girl you liked,” Todd said. “When you set the fire at The Sun you were tossing some heavy looks in… uh… what’s-her-name’s direction. Vimal’s sister, right?”

“Neela,” Jack nodded. “Yeah, I liked her. She liked me. And then it just…” Jack wiggled his fingers in the air. “Went away.”

“Did something happen?”

“Like a fight or something?” Jack shook his head. “She just made friends and got busy with her whole new life in America and I’ve been busy with all the stuff in our family and…”

“Neither one of you turned out to be a priority,” Todd finished. “I’ll tell you something, kid, there are worse ways to drift apart.” He watched Jack for a few moments. “Are you upset?”

Jack considered that. “Not… really. It just… I don’t know, she gushed over me when I helped her out and then it just kind of fizzled and I’m left going ‘That’s it?’”

“Not to sound cliche,” Todd chuckled. “But it’s not all that unusual. You’re young and you’re going to be interested and then not interested and it’s all a process. Hell, I didn’t figure out how romance worked until…” Todd drifted off. “To be honest, Jack, I’m not certain I know how it works now.”

“You seem to have been doing all right with Mom,” Jack pointed out. “That’s not luck. I’ve seen guys hit on Mom a few times and even if she eventually relents she’s not all that easily impressed.”

“She never was,” Todd grinned. “Your mother is… a project. She isn’t dazzled by much and even if having money got me a leg up all those years ago that’s not what got her to fall in love with me. I mean, she was married to Asa who was richer than the rest of Llanview put together and she hated him… probably even before he…” he hesitated, “did what he did.”

“So what did it?”

“I was nice to her,” Todd leaned back in his seat and thought back. “I didn’t talk down to her, I listened to her… we were a team back then. And even when we broke up, I missed her like crazy because I didn’t have the person who I talked things through with. And that’s the other thing, she listened to me, didn’t talk down to me… she never treated me like a monster, even when I was one.”

Jack sighed. “I don’t know if any of this is helpful or not.”

“The best thing in the world, Jack,” Todd said, “is to find a partner you can be yourself with. You’re going to meet hot chicks but the best thing in the world is actually liking who you’re with rather than just seeing them as what they are on the outside.”

“I’m not too worried about that right now.”

“You never know when it’s going to happen,” Todd pointed out. “I was pretty sure I was done with women once and for all when your mother went and made herself all important to me. She’s annoying that way… love is annoying that way.”

Jack grinned ruefully. “So… when are you going to ask her to marry you?”

Todd shrugged. “Good question. Halloween has been and gone and that’s usually my lucky proposal night.”

“Well, I doubt you’re going to wait that long this time.”

“Nah,” Todd shook his head. “This ring will be on her finger before the end of the year.”

“That gives you a month and a half.”

“That’s more than enough time for me, Jack,” Todd laughed. Was it a genetic quirk that his kids were so interested in how he popped the question to Blair? Would Sam inherit that behavior, too? “I can put together a beautiful wedding in a day. This is nothing.”

=========================================

When Starr, Sam and Blair got home, laden down with a feast of Thai food, they found everyone gathered in the front room. Cassie was writing. Jack was reading. And Todd had Hope in his lap as he read her a story. The timing was perfect as he finished the book and then told Hope to go give her Mommy a hug hello.

He stood up himself to help Blair with the bags she carried. He slid his hands through the loops of the bag and caught her hands in his. “Hey,” he said softly, drawing her close.

“Hey yourself,” she whispered back, responding to the gentle look in his eye.

He leaned forward to plant a sweet kiss on her lips.

A gagging sound came from Jack. “Our parents are gross,” he lamented.

“Get used to it, kid,” Todd shot back as he succeeded in relieving Blair of the bags of food. He followed her into the kitchen. “How was your day.”

“I took Starr and Sam to do some more shopping,” Blair said. “More stuff in the house. We’ll be ready to go by the time we head up to the cabin this week.”

“Sounds good, doesn’t it?”

Blair nodded smiling.

===============================

That night, they made love sweetly and slowly. As he held her in his arms afterwards, Todd kept thinking about the golden diamond that was now waiting for its chance to, literally, shine.


	60. Chapter 60

Todd considered honking the horn but settled for flipping the driver shade down and fussing with his hair in the mirror. Blair was going over things with Cassie for, possibly, the twentieth time. They were going to be away for four days. That was it. And they weren’t going to be more than an hour away at that. Just up the mountain.

But Blair needed to feel like she had gone over everything so she could get in the car and have those four days of not worrying. Todd scratched his chin, bearing two days worth of stubble, and considered not shaving for the next four days as well. He always did like it when Blair would rake her nails through his facial hair.

As he pondered that, Blair hopped into the passenger seat and breathlessly said, “Let’s go.”

Todd happily did so. He glanced at Blair as they pulled out of the driveway and onto Lincoln Drive and saw her concentrating on her phone. The familiar crease between her brows was evident. “What’s up?”

“Checking the weather report.”

“Again?”

“We have chains in the car, right?”

“Yes. We double-checked. And then we double-checked again.”

“Well, we’re probably going to get some snow this weekend.”

“I figured you’d be happy about that.”

“I am, I just want to make sure we’re not stranded.” Blair dropped her phone on the middle console and leaned back in her seat. She sighed deeply as she watched the landscape go by outside her window.

“You okay?” Todd reached over with one hand and took hers.

She turned her head to smile at him. “Yes, I’m just decompressing. It’s been a busy week.”

“You want to go to the new house, don’t you?”

Blair sighed. “A part of me does… just because I’ve been working for so long to get it ready. But I want this weekend away with you, too. We’ve got all the time in the world for the new place and I’m so excited to pick up the kids and move in for good. But this… we need this.”

“I agree.”

She looked at her phone again. “The caretakers have everything ready for us. I sent them a list of things they could stock the shelves with from up there. There’s even going to be a fire going in the fireplace and dinner in the crockpot.”

“We’ll be there before lunch,” Todd pointed out. 

“Which is why we have our own food,” Blair hooked her thumb towards the back of the SUV. “But that’s what they always do when someone’s coming to one of the cabins they look after. They have stew or chili or something in the crockpot and you don’t have to worry about dinner the first night. Sometimes it lasts for more than one meal. It’s wonderful.”

“Who are these people?”

“A young married couple who like to live green and in nature. I think they both studied… hell, I’m not sure what the courses would even be. But they hike and live off the land as much as they’re able and snowshoe or cross-country ski in the winter and they take care of a bunch of cabins up there to make ends meet. She’s an amazing cook, too, or at least can do wonders with a slow cooker.”

Blair smiled at him then closed her eyes as she relaxed. She hummed softly with the music on the radio and Todd concentrated on the road. While Llantano Mountain wasn’t very far away, though far enough for a getaway, the roads were windy and not exactly conducive to a speedy retreat. There was a decent base of snow already once they got into the foothills though the roads were clear.

“This was definitely the right thing to do,” Blair commented as she looked out the window.

Todd noted the delight in her eyes at the snow. Llanview hadn’t been cold enough to get snow yet though it seemed to be gearing up for it. Todd didn’t much care for snow given his formative years in Chicago but his Floridian love could never get enough. “As soon as we get to the cabin, I am carrying you inside and making mad, passionate love to you, you know that right? I just haven’t decided if I’m going to do the honeymoon carry or the fireman’s carry.”

Blair snorted a giggle. “The first thing we’re doing is getting all of our things out of the care… then you can ravish me.”

“So practical,” Todd complained. “Come on, we can unpack after.”

“Huh-uh,” Blair shook her head. “Unpack first. When I am in the arms of my lover the very last thing I want is to get up, get dressed and go unpack the car in the cold.”

Todd sniffed. “All right, fine, unpack first… then we’ll make mad, passionate love. According to schedule.”

“Don’t be petulant,” Blair teased, reaching over to tweak his earlobe.

He drove quietly for a moment. “I like it when you call me that.”

“Petulant?”

“No,” he smiled as he glanced at her. “Your lover.”

“Well,” Blair smiled back. “That’s what you are. Among other things.”

“I liked it way back when we were first together,” he said. “You’d tell me that I was a wonderful lover and it just… made me feel like a man. It wasn’t college hook ups and boyfriend and girlfriend or going steady. I was a lover; _your_ lover and it made me feel pretty good… it also scared the shit out of me.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea how to be a husband or a father or a lover and it felt like I was flying by the seat of my pants being all grown-up and shit. I told you before I left Ireland that I had no idea what to do with a woman like you…”

“You knew plenty,” Blair assured him. “I fell in love with you when you didn’t know what you were doing. You must have been doing something right.”

“Or you were a headcase like I always thought.”

“Nice.” Blair pointed ahead. “Turn left here, we’re almost there.”

The cabin looked handsome but not overtly so to Todd’s eyes. He got a much better look at it this time as it was daylight and he wasn’t watching Blair’s every move as she drove. Their last visit had been a highly emotional affair and Todd took the opportunity this time to soak it all in.

“You probably could have made this a lot bigger,” he told Blair as they got out of the car.

Blair shrugged. “Probably. I just wanted it to be a _cabin_ , you know? Cozy. Intimate.” She handed him a box of food supplies and then got their bags before heading to the door.

As Blair took their bags into the bedroom, Todd took his load into the kitchen. There was a crock pot on the counter, beads of moisture on the inside of the lid. There was a note next to it explaining how long to let it cook. Blair came into the kitchen and nudged Todd towards the door to get the rest of their things while she put their food items away.

The air was bitterly cold. Todd stood outside for a moment, hunching over and looking up at the sky. The sky seemed stunningly blue and he found himself just staring at it in wonder. He had been taking more of an opportunity to enjoy the little things since his long period of captivity. Sometimes, it was still a shock to go from trying to feel nothing to feeling an over abundance of things.

Even the cold was strangely welcome. Maybe windsprints wouldn’t be a horrible thing anymore.

Not that he was going to test that now. He went to the car and got the last of the bags before locking up and going back inside. He thought it a little ridiculous that Blair had two bags for four days up in the mountains where they wouldn’t be going anywhere or even doing much more than, hopefully, being naked as much as possible. Blair insisted that she needed the things she brought with her.

Hell, the woman had brought a rolling suitcase with her for an overnight trip to Key West and even that had been stuffed to the gills.

He put the bags and the coats in the bedroom and then double checked his coat to make sure the engagement ring was safe inside. It was. Todd wasn’t sure if he would need it. It was still making vague plans for a fancy dinner or maybe a trip to New York where he could pop the question. Still, he was mindful that sometimes moments arose of their own free will and he had carried the ring around just in case ever since he bought it.

“Honey, can you put another log on the fire?” Blair asked as he came back out.

Todd went to do so. The fire was barely more than embers but the built in storage was fully stocked.

Blair eyed him from across the room where she was opening a bottle of wine and pouring two glasses. She was enjoying the view immensely as Todd bent over to put wood on the fire and poke at it a little bit. She enjoyed, even more, the fact that he was wearing jeans for a change. It had been way, way too long since she was able to ogle his ass in denim. Ever since he had gotten his hands on the inheritance, he eschewed the jeans and t-shirts for suits and clothing of much higher quality. And while Blair couldn’t complain because Todd had his clothes tailored impeccably, sometimes she missed her old drinking buddy in jeans.

 _She_ wore jeans, after all. Todd could at least return the favor now and then. 

Apparently, he had decided that a trip up the mountain warranted far more casual wear. Though, truth be told, she really couldn’t wait to get it all off of him.

She sailed across the room, wine glasses in hand and gave one to Todd. She held hers aloft. “To us,” she said. “And to getting away from it all.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Todd clinked his glass with hers and they both drank.

His eyes never left hers. He did that a lot these days, simply gaze at her, holding her eyes with his. It was quite a shift from the days where he was unwilling to make much eye contact. In those days, strong, unwavering eye contact usually led to sex. Now, he seemed to want to drink her in at times.

This time, however, was clearly a lead in to sex. It’s not like he had been shy about saying so. It’s not like she was expecting anything less. This whole getaway had been designed for the two of them to be alone, no worrying about the kids walking in, no having to go to work, no anything but them… together… 

Todd plucked Blair’s wine glass out of her hand and set both glasses on the mantle. When he turned back, he stepped forward to put himself flush against her and kissed her.

Blair sighed and closed her eyes. Todd had always been a good kisser. With those lips, she couldn’t imagine how much purposefully bad technique would be required to make him sub-par. Since his return, he had seemed to elevate his abilities a shocking degree. Or maybe it was just that he seemed so eager to partake instead of letting anger or guilt hold him back.

When his hands moved to the back of her head to hold her still so that he could kiss her just as he pleased, Blair’s hands dropped down slipping under the sweater he wore. It was almost unfair, he looked so good in his clothes that all she ever wanted to do was get them off of him as quickly as possible.

He offered no resistance when she pushed the sweater up. He raised his arms to help and as soon as the clothing was off his hands were back in her hair and his lips were back on hers.

Blair skimmed her hands from his neck, across his shoulders, down his sides and to the waistline of his jeans. She quickly undid the pants, pushing them down so that she could get both hands on his equipment, one hand sliding down his shaft, the other reaching just further for the even more delicate…

He ripped his mouth from hers with a loud groan. This was one reason out of many why he loved her. There was no hesitation from her, no uncertainty, she knew what he liked and she just did it. 

There was a rather satisfied smirk on her lips when he looked at her. That was the thing about Blair, she had such a complete mastery at seduction and sex and reveled in it. He just couldn’t have been brought into the finer side of sexuality without a woman who was so confident in herself and what worked for her.

She was extraordinary.

He moved back until his ass hit the the armrest of the couch, then he pulled her towards him and let himself fall backwards until they were tangled together on the couch. Blair had the wherewithal to let go of his cock when they toppled. She did have good instincts.

Blair laughed deep in her throat as they landed on the couch and Todd noted that while he was mostly naked she most definitely wasn’t. He squirmed about trying to get some leverage which wasn’t easy due to the position he landed in, her body tangled with his, and his own legs a bit hampered by a pair of jeans pushed down to his thighs.

“Awkward,” he grunted as he sat up. He bent over to unlace his boots and kick them off. As he stood, Blair eagerly helped him get his jeans all the way off.

So now he was completely naked and Blair was completely clothed. “How did this happen?”

Blair laughed again, laying back on the couch and lifting one booted leg up to Todd. Her boots when to her knees as opposed to his which were hiking boots and didn’t require more than one person to remove. She wiggled her foot at him to encourage his help. “I can’t help it if you look so good in a sweater and jeans that I just want you out of them as soon as possible.”

“Oh, so it’s my fault?” Todd grasped her booted leg and unzipped it before sliding it off. She held the other one up and he did the same with that one as well.

“I’m not complaining,” she assured him. “And I really like the view right now.” She sat up when he pulled her other boot off and started to remove her sweater. Todd happily helped and before long there was a pile of clothes by the couch and he sank down to feel her skin against his.

Todd frantically ripped the back cushions from the couch, shoving them over the back to give them more room and with his love entwined around him, it wasn’t long before he made as much use of that extra space as possible.

====================================

“What is it about doing it on a couch that makes the sex a bit… dirtier?” Todd asked later as he traced the shell of Blair’s ear with one finger.

Her soft laugh vibrated against his chest, sending shockwaves down to his toes. “Mm,” she mused. “Maybe it’s because it’s out in the main room of the house and not behind closed doors?”

“Because other people sit on the couch when it’s not being used for dirty things?”

“Because, it’s kind of limited as far as space goes so you have to get creative?”

Todd grinned. “Because when you’re a teenager you’re making out on it in the dark, hoping your parents don’t walk in?”

Blair shrugged. “Not in my experience.”

“I’ve got another one,” Todd said. “Usually when you have sex on a couch, you have to get up and dressed really fast after in case someone comes in.”

“While you’re doing it there may be a constant question of someone walking in,” Blair grinned.

“Nice that we don’t have to worry about that right now, huh?”

Blair got up and fetched their wine glasses from the mantle. “This looks to be a weekend of debauchery, don’t you think? Just days and days of drinking and sex and sex and drinking...”

“I love it when you use big words,” Todd accepted his glass and took a drink. “Hot, green-eyed chicks with legs for days and brains to match turn me on.”

“How many of those have you come across?”

“Just one,” he sighed contentedly. “Just you.”

She smiled gently and leaned over to kiss his stomach. “Can you believe we actually did this?”

“No,” he leaned over to pull the coffee table almost flush with the couch so they could set their glasses down. “With us, something always happens… but all the shit that usually happens to keep us from our little getaways aren’t in play. No secrets to come out…”

“No Marty.”

“No Max.”

“No Tea.”

“No Dorian,” he sat up and kissed her. “Speaking of the head witch, she doesn’t know about us, does she?”

“She knows I cut a bullet out of your shoulder.”

“But she doesn’t know we’ve been shacking up in her tacky French mausoleum, right?”

“Well, I haven’t said anything _specific_ ,” Blair hedged. “And Cassie’s pretty good at deflection, too.”

“I assumed as much,” he couldn’t seem to stop playing with her hair but she didn’t seem to mind. “I figured if she knew she’d have invaded at some point, screaming curses to high heaven about everything I’ve done and calling me names and bitching about my hair.”

Blair laughed. “Starr was just asking me about that. I’m not going to deny that I’ve been stalling until we’re safely ensconced in our new ivory tower.”

“With the super security and thumb scans that don’t include Dorian so she can’t just barge in?”

“It might be easier to tell her with sturdy locked doors and a few floors between us,” Blair gazed at him. “You don’t have quite the same problem with Viki.”

“No,” Todd agreed. “But, at the same time, she wanted me to be with Delgado.”

Blair took a sip of her wine. She knew it was true but it still stung. “Ironic, since Dorian wanted the same for me… just with the male sibling.” She sighed, lacing her fingers with Todd’s. “Why don’t they understand?”

“Because they don’t know what it’s like to have one true love,” he told her.

She nodded. “They don’t know what it’s like to have no one… to be lost and alone until you suddenly meet that person who understands you and knows you even if he just sat down next to you on a barstool or a park bench.”

“Viki and Dorian…” Todd waved his hand dismissively. “They go through husbands and lovers like tissues. They don’t have that one person that makes them whole.”

Blair leaned her forehead against his, brushing her fingertips over his lips before suddenly rearing back with a wicked glint in her eye. “Although…”

“Although what?”

“Think about it,” she said. “You’re right about going through husbands and lovers but as far as that one person who makes them whole… wouldn’t it be _them_?”

Todd eyed Blair not sure he liked where she was going with this.

Blair cackled with glee. “It makes perfect sense! Viki is Dorian’s soul mate and Dorian is Viki’s!”

“Ew!”

“Oh, that’s just too rich,” Blair covered her mouth as she snickered in delight.

“Okay,” Todd took a sizeable gulp out of his wine and then got up to fetch the bottle. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not think about my sister’s Sapphic soul mate relationship with your evil aunt.” He refilled his glass and topped Blair’s off as well before changing the subject. “Why the hell would Dorian want you to be with that idiot Tomas?”

“He lived in Paris and is fluent in French,” Blair replied promptly. “For Dorian, that might as well mean he’s a damn crown prince or something. You know,” she teased his earlobe with her forefinger. “Next time she visits you should really drop some of your French onto her. Her head might explode.”

“Well, that’d be a good reason,” Todd nodded with a smile. “But I prefer to save all of my French stuff for you.” He flicked his tongue at her so she’d get his meaning.

Her laugh was rich as she draped against him. “I appreciate that.” She sighed deeply. “This is wonderful… I’m so glad we did this.”

“Me too.”

“I feel so relaxed,” she said. “More relaxed than I’ve been since… I don’t even know when.”

“So do I,” he rested his head against the arm of the couch and held Blair in his arms in contented silence for a few minutes. “So is there a TV in this place or what?”


	61. Chapter 61

It was well into the evening when Blair sat next to Todd’s prone body on the floor. They had gathered blankets and pillows and made makeshift nest on the floor in front of the fireplace. She ran her fingers down his chest and over the ridges of his abdomen, admiring the golden tone of his skin in the firelight.

She could imagine them in some fantasy world. A large bed, or even just a mass of pelts on the floor to nestle in before a roaring fire in a stone fireplace. He would be her dark prince but what did that make her? Blair hadn’t been able to fancy herself a princess, not since she found out the truth of her birth. What had once been dreams had been turned to ash and she felt herself at a loss for what her role actually was.

They didn’t write fairy tales for people like her.

“You look serious,” Todd murmured. “You’ve got that thing,” he sat up, lifting his index finger lazily to rest between her eyebrows.

She batted his hand away with a huff.

“I like it,” Todd grinned, stretching his arms over his head. “But it doesn’t show up unless you’re concerned about something. What’s got my woman so upset?”

“I’m not upset,” Blair insisted. “I just… I was thinking…”

“Yeah? About what?”

“Fairy tales.”

“Oh,” he schooled his expression to be just as solemn as hers. “That _is_ serious business then.”

“I never really fit into the role of princess,” she said softly. “You know that.”

“You told me you used to dream that your father was a king,” Todd reminded her. “Technically, that would make you a princess. That was you.”

“Except that I wasn’t,” Blair replied. “And anyway, I used to have that fantasy when I was still in the single digits. It was a long time ago. I don’t fit anymore… I haven’t for a long time.”

“And I do?”

“There’s always a story about a dark prince,” Blair pointed out.

“There’s always a story about a queen or an enchantress, too.”

“They don’t turn out well,” Blair reminded him.

“They don’t turn out well for a dark prince, either,” he reached out to touch her leg, his fingers dancing across her skin. “Remember when I said we’d make our own luck?”

“After you broke the mirror at our wedding reception?”

He grabbed her, pulling her down next to him and raising up on one elbow to look at her. “So morose,” he teased. “We make our own luck and we make our own stories.”

She didn’t look completely convinced.

“I’m going to find you a story where the heroes are as crazy as us… and they’ll have a brood like we do, too.” His face shifted as he looked down at her, his eyes caressing her body.

“What?”

“I’m just wondering,” Todd said softly, running his hand over her belly. “Are we going to add to our brood soon? We’ve been going at it pretty steady for a while now and we haven’t been using protection… we’re usually pretty good right out of the gate, you know?”

He felt her entire body tense under his hand. Slowly, she shifted away from him and sat up, drawing her knees up and covering herself with a blanket.

“Is this a deal breaker?” 

Todd stared at her, not really knowing what had just happened. “What?”

“Is this a deal breaker?”

He studied her then. Her face had paled even in the firelight. Her eyes were cast down and she gripped the blanket around her so tightly that her knuckles were white. Blair was scared to death.

“I… I can’t do it again, Todd. I can’t.”

“Can’t _what_?”

“Lose another baby… I can’t do it, please don’t ask me to.”

It was a strange phenomenon seeing Blair so completely shaken. Todd was slightly awestruck at it. She was usually the one dealing with his moods and fears. It was downright odd to be on the other end of things. At the same time, Todd felt empowered in a way. Blair was scared out of her wits to even be _having_ this conversation but she was having it and she was having it with him.

“Talk to me,” he said softly.

She didn’t for a moment. She was clearly trying to gather her thoughts and figure out what to say. “I’ve been pregnant five times and only managed to birth two children. Those aren’t good odds to begin with. I am much older now, I struggle with high blood pressure on my better days and I… just can’t do it, knowing how slim my chances are. And the hardest part… the hardest part is knowing I’ll survive.”

“Blair…”

“You can’t die of a broken heart, Todd, did you know that?” Blair looked towards the fire. “If you could, I’d have died a long time ago. I’ve mourned too many babies and I’ve mourned you and I wished I could have curled up and died just to stop hurting so much but it doesn’t work that way.”

“Not for you, no,” he replied. “I think people can die of a broken heart but you’re stronger and tougher than that. You’ve always had to be.”

“I’m tired of being tough,” she whispered. “Why do I always have to be tough? Why can’t I be happy?”

“Aren’t you happy, Blair?”

“Not right this second,” Blair said. “Tell me the truth, Todd. Is this a deal breaker? Are you going to decide you’re better off with a younger model who hasn’t been ruined by miscarriages and go --”

“Stop it,” he snapped. “Don’t even think of finishing that sentence.”

She turned quickly, shooting him a glare but he wasn’t bothered.

“I am not Asa,” he hissed. “I’m not Max. I’m not Victor. I’m not any of those other assholes you attached yourself to. I’m _me_. I’m Todd and there is one truth in my life and that is you.”

“Todd…”

“I have crossed oceans to be with you, I’ve survived death too many times to count to be with you, I’ve escaped from a fucking paramilitary compound to be with you… you think not having anymore kids is going to be the thing that sends me running?”

To her credit, Blair looked somewhat abashed.

 

“What’s more,” he continued, “I’m not my pervy old man. I’m not interested in knocking up a score of younger chicks to… what, ignore? After everything I’ve just been through with my mother you think I’d want to repeat that mess?”

“No,” she said quietly. “You want a baby though, don’t you, Todd?”

He held his tongue and really thought about the question. “I wanted us to get it right… to have a pregnancy we both wanted with a baby we were both there for. When we were first married, we were pretty happy, don’t you think?”

“That’s when you fell in love with the idea of a family,” she smiled wistfully.

“That’s when I fell in love with _our_ family,” he corrected her. “You know, I never wanted kids. I figured it was best to let my miserable bloodline die with me. You are the one that roped me into the whole family thing.”

Even in the firelight, he could see the color rise on her cheeks.

“And even then, I really wasn’t sure… I had nightmares about our little girl finding out the truth about me when we were first married and didn’t know what we were going to have. I almost ran out on our second wedding after Viki told me about what Victor did to her.”

“What?” Blair looked genuinely shocked.

“I was scared to death,” he told her. “Scared to death of what having a daughter meant with my history, I was certain that you’d be better off without me and so would she but I didn’t quite have the guts to _leave_. Viki found me and basically told me that the sins of our father weren’t festering in us to come out again. We had the chance to be better. And even with that, I was scared to see Starr for the first time…”

“But when you did, it all changed, you fell in love with her instantly and never went back,” Blair finished. “I know how much you love those kids, Todd. I want you to really think about this… are you willing to go forward knowing that I can’t do this again? That what we have is all we’re ever going to have? Really, _really_ think about it. Please.”

She was so serious that he nodded with a sigh. “All right. I’ll think about it.”

So he did.

Mostly he thought about Blair. He thought about her growing up without anyone to love her. He thought about her in those foster homes and orphanages always falling short of what someone wanted from her. She expected to fail and be left behind because that’s how it always was and if she was happy, she expected that to be taken away, too. Because of her. In a lot of ways, she was unprepared for him as he was now… with no secrets and lies to hide. Todd felt he was something of an open wound, still bleeding, because of what he had been through with Irene and her cronies. He really didn’t have it in him to be secretive because he had wasted too much time and been hidden away, lost for years because of secrets… his own, Irene’s, Victor’s… and the price had been too high.

Blair had gotten too used to him lying to her and then Victor following suit so she kept looking for a reason to steel herself for the inevitable fall.

It was desperately sad.

But he understood it.

He’d sabotaged their relationship so many times it was a wonder she didn’t expect the bottom to drop out. The difference was that in the past eight years he had had people chipping away at his entire life and he had to hone in on what was important so he could maintain the will to survive and return home. 

“Babe? Come here,” he reached up and gestured to her to join him again. 

She looked uncertain.

“Come on,” he beckoned to her with his hand and smiled when she slid hers into it and sank back down onto the floor next to him. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly before loosening his grip. “Remember when I proposed to you on the jet?”

“Yes,” her voice was soft.

“Remember what I said?”

“I do,” Blair closed her eyes. That moment on the jet, that proposal where they laid everything on the line and just came at each other honestly was one of the most magical memories of her life.

“I told you that even if I had the world, it wouldn’t mean anything if I didn’t have you.” He stroked her hair. “I’ve tried to replace you and it didn’t work. I could go out and find some new young thing who wants a rich husband and have her pop out a few kids but it wouldn’t mean the same because it wouldn’t be you. Sometimes, I forget how much time has passed… how much we’ve lost. I really just wanted the chance to do it right.”

“Sometimes you can’t do that, Todd,” she told him. “Sometimes, you can’t go back and right the wrongs of the past. You just have to move forward.”

“You’re right,” he nodded. “It sucks in a way but you’re right. Here’s the thing, though,” he shifted a bit to sit up. Blair also moved and sat next to him to face him. “I want another kid.”

Her eyes dropped and her shoulders sagged.

“I want another son. I want him to wear glasses and love Spider-Man. I want him to be a sweet little boy that we can raise and love together. What do you think of that?”

Blair stared at him as he described what he wanted, her face growing more and more incredulous. “Sam?”

He nodded.

She was at a loss for words, opening and closing her mouth a few times before Todd chuckled. “Are you serious?”

“Damn right,” he assured her. “I want to adopt him. He should be an official Manning and then we’ll be a family in every way.”

Blair burst into tears.

“Aw babe,” he drew her to him again. “Don’t do that.”

“I can’t help it,” she cried. “Even after all of this time and how wonderful you’ve been I’ve been waiting for the moment where I’m not enough… I kept pushing you to realize it now before we got in too deep…”

“You’ve always been enough, Blair. More than enough.”

“It hasn’t always felt that way.”

“You’ve made me feel that way, too,” he reminded her.

“I know,” she sighed. “I’m sorry.”

A contented silence fell between them.

“Once I fell in love with you there was no going back,” she told him. “Even when I tried to fight it. Remember when you threw me in jail with Skye when you pitched a fit about my taking Starr to Disney World?”

“Not one of my finer moments,” he recalled. “Though I did like watching you kick the crap out of her.”

“I was in jail,” she continued, ignoring his last comment. “I was so angry at you and Skye was snoring in the bunk above me and I dreamed… I dreamed of hands coming and massaging all of the kinks and stress out of my neck. I started talking because I knew who it was… I told him how he made me so crazy but that I still loved him… and then I turned to look at him and he was you. He’d been you all along. It’s not like Max ever gave me a neck massage or anything.”

“Max is an idiot,” Todd said. “I love any excuse I can get to put my hands all over you.”

Blair laughed. “Even then when a part of me insisted that I loved Max, I loved you and wanted you and dreamed of you coming to me and making me feel better. You’re a real jerk sometimes… a lot of the times… but you understand me and I understand you and we fit.”

“We do,” he nodded. “Does that mean you’re going to let me adopt Sam?”

“I’d love nothing more than for all of us to be an official family,” she kissed him. “But first…” she sat up, straddling his lap and kissing him even deeper.

Family time could come later, Todd decided. This weekend really was just about them.


	62. Chapter 62

The change in Blair was as obvious as it was imperceptible.

She had already been happy, Todd knew that. Once they got the Asa and Marty crap dealt with and she had finally fully accepted him back into her life, she had been happy. But there was happy and then there was what she was now.

She bore no fears of being asked to expand their family anymore. It was a fear he didn’t know she had until he had brought it up but Blair had always been very good at concealing such things. ‘Never let them see you sweat’ was something of a credo with her and it was probably why so much of Llanview saw her as unflappable or even cold. Blair didn’t break down and show her darkest fears to people she didn’t believe in or trust.

She didn’t show them often to people she _did_ trust.

So this fear of hers, of suffering yet another loss that might chip away at her soul as the others had done, was finally laid to rest and what Todd got in return was a Blair that was so reminiscent of the Blair he had known those scant weeks before their second wedding that it repeatedly took his breath away.

Her eyes were filled with absolute love and wonder, they sparkled at him constantly and her smile was even more beautiful. There seemed to be nothing but love for him from her. No more fears, no more walls, no more worry. It was glorious.

How he had missed her. He hadn’t even realized how much.

Todd still couldn’t believe that there wasn’t a television in the cabin. Blair had told him that it was a getaway place and if he wanted to watch TV all weekend they could have just stayed home. She pointed out that the kids had to live without TV at the cabin and so would he. Then she showed him the stockpile of board games and puzzles.

Todd asked her if she had turned eighty while he was gone and then inquired after her knitting skills.

She cheerfully called him an asshole and opened another bottle of wine.

There was also a bizarre selection of books that appeared to have been collected from second hand stores. What appeared to be the entire collection of both Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys lined the shelves as well as Laura Ingalls Wilder and various books starring someone named Anne. Anne of this… Anne of that… When Todd asked about them Blair said it was all about the nostalgia factor.

In the bedroom was a different selection of books. These featured shirtless men and women who looked ready to burst right out of their very ornate gowns on the cover and had titles like ‘Yield to the Highlander’ ‘Scandal at Greystone Manor’ and ‘Defiant in the Viking’s Bed.’

Well, at least those seemed more interesting. He selected one and wandered back out into the main room again. He threw another log on the fire and then flopped down on the couch to read.

Blair came from the kitchen with a plate of snacks and sandwiches and did a double take when she noticed what he was reading. “You’re kidding me.”

“I’m bored,” he whined. “If we can’t be having sex every minute then at least I can read about it during the downtime. You can’t possibly think I’m going to read Nancy Drew.”

Blair shook her head. “You sound like the kids… except for the sex part. Every time we come up they spend the first day or so whining about how there’s nothing to do. Once, I threw them out with a scouting manual and locked them outside until they could identify all the trees around the cabin.”

Todd looked impressed. “Survivalist training?”

“That was a different trip,” she shrugged.

He laughed. “Well, never let it be said that we don’t try to prepare our kids for emergencies.”

Blair plucked the book from his hand and looked at it. “Don’t remember if this was any good or not,” she mused. “But I know why I bought it.” She pointed to the man on the cover, his long hair flowing dramatically over his shoulders as he practically panted at the woman in his arms. “That long hair of yours,” she sighed rapturously. “I’m not going to lie, I entertained more than a few Viking… Highlander… barbarian sex fantasies.”

“I’m just a piece of meat to you, aren’t I?”

She laughed as she leaned over to kiss him, once, twice, a lingering third. “Sometimes.”

He couldn’t help it, he laughed, too. “Well, sorry to say, babe, but the long hair is going to stay gone. Maybe Willie Nelson can get away with that sort of thing until he’s a hundred or whatever but… yeah, the nineties are long gone.”

“I do like the beard, though,” she smiled, scratching his jawline with her fingernails.

A nagging thought popped into his head just as he was about to close his eyes and fully enjoy the way Blair’s fingers felt. “Do you like it because Tomas has a beard and you liked him?”

The fingers stopped and Blair sat back giving him a look that couldn’t have said ‘you’re an idiot’ more clearly if she’d spoken it out loud. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Well, he’s got one.”

Blair studied him for several moments. “You know, the first lover I ever had with facial hair was you. If I have a tendency to like that on a man, you only have yourself to blame.”

He sighed happily. “Yeah, I’m an idiot.” He grabbed her wrist and jerked her on top of him again. “Go back to doing that thing with your fingernails. You might get me to purr.”

Blair laughed out loud, winding herself around him and kissing his neck.

“You know, I had a beard when I first got out of Irene’s house of horrors.”

“Really?”

“I shaved it off before coming to see you,” he said. “I wanted to look all clean and pretty, I guess. Either that or I just wanted to get the last remnants of my time with Irene off of me.”

Blair stroked his chin softly. “If you want to keep this or get rid of it, it’s fine by me. I like you either way. If you _do_ keep it,” she moved her hand to the bristles on his neck. “Keep it nice and tidy. I always did love watching you keep that goatee of yours groomed.”

Todd remembered. “You did like to watch. I remember.”

“What can I say? A man who looks after his appearance is sexy to me.” She kissed him again. “Very sexy.”

Todd extricated himself from her embrace and stood up next to the couch. He pulled her up and then bent down to sling her over his shoulder. “I decided on the fireman’s carry,” he told her as she laughed, taking her into the bedroom.

Once upon a time, Todd Manning took what he wanted from girls and didn’t care about whether or not they got anything from being with him. After Marty, prison, Rebecca and Powell his entire world was in shambles and he had no idea how to maneuver through any of it.

And then there was Blair who just _liked_ him. And when she took him to her bed he discovered how completely and utterly lost he was. Afterwards, they didn’t have sex again for a few months but he was able to become more and more in tune with _her_. Todd began to be aware of the small things. He could tell when she was upset and usually why. He had a knack for making her feel better.

When they got married, he became more and more in tune with her body. He started to figure out what she liked and how to please her and, he noticed, she did the same with him. After so many years of being a part of each other’s lives, making love to Blair was unlike anything he could ever explain. They were so in tune with each other that it felt like they were connected, not just through touch and feel but on some different plane.

Todd didn’t understand it, he just knew that being with her was unlike anything else he could ever experience and he had no interest in trying to find anything to match it. She was a part of him, body and soul. He was almost certain that their hearts beat at the same time.

“I love you, Todd Manning,” she whispered as they lay together in the dark afterwards.

He kissed her fingertips and lay her hand over his heart as they drifted off to sleep.


	63. Chapter 63

“This is how I should have come home from Ireland,” Todd murmured in her ear.

Blair shivered despite the heat of the water in the clawfoot tub they were currently in. She reclined against him as his hands stroked her body under the water.

“I should have grabbed your arm on the way upstairs and drawn a bath…”

“Since when do you draw a bath?” Blair’s laugh was deep and throaty, a response to the way his hands were travelling over her.

“Okay, I would have asked you to help me,” he amended.

“That’s plausible,” she sighed.

He kissed her neck, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly against him. One large hand covered one of her breasts and the other slid between her legs to tease and stroke the folds there.

Blair practically purred in response. She shifted slightly in order to twist around and offer her lips to his. He leaned forward to kiss her, barely brushing his lips over hers, teasing them with his tongue, kissing her lightly then deepening the kiss as his fingers penetrated.

She moaned into his mouth, her hands gripping the side of the tub to give her leverage as she pushed back against him. She shifted against his hand then leaned her head back on his shoulder. The steamy water brought color to both of their cheeks and a heaviness to their limbs. Todd’s strokes were slow and Blair’s sighs and moans were low and deep. This moment was all about sensuality; the heat, the steam, the water, the pace. Slow and steady seemed to be the credo of the moment and when Blair’s climax came it was as a wave crashing on the shore. As the ripples of pleasure subsided, she turned in his arms until she sat astride him.

She reached under the water to stroke him, leaning forward to kiss him. So attuned to each other were they that no words were necessary, every flicker of movement was seen and understood in the blink of an eye. She guided him inside of her as he steadied her over him and when their bodies joined both released a deep and guttural moan of pleasure.

The old fashioned tub had been installed at a time when Blair wasn’t particularly involved or interested in another man and had been seeing the cabin as a means of getting away from it all. As such, it wasn’t exactly a prime location for sex. It was a soaking tub, not designed for a lot of movement. Blair got frustrated fairly quickly at the lack of options it gave them.

Plus, the water was getting cold.

With a grunt, she pushed herself up off of Todd and stepped out of the tub.

He seemed to understand and immediately followed.

For as old fashioned as the bathtub was, the steam shower was absolutely modern. The glass doors and walls apparently appealed to Todd because he maneuvered her back against it, quickly lifting her up against the glass and sliding inside of her again. Her body was so slick from the water in the tub that it offered no resistance to his thrusts and she slid up and down with every movement. She reached up at the apex of one thrust to grab the top of the glass wall to stabilize herself and then Todd’s mouth was on hers and his tongue wrestled with hers and all was lost in their coupling.

Legs hooked around his waist, his hands supporting her ass as he drove into her… making love was no longer a slow, sensual journey but now a heated frenzy to reach the destination. When that destination was reached, Blair let go of the shower wall and placed her hands around Todd’s face, peppering him with soft, soothing kisses. She was amazed he could still hold her up even if he was staggering a bit.

He lowered one of her legs, then the other, to the ground breathing heavily and leaning into her embrace and kisses.

“That’s how I should have come home from Ireland.”

“Well,” she said breathlessly. “I wouldn’t have complained.”

His hand fell gently on the top of her head, slowly caressing her hair as he looked at her with serious eyes. “Then Brendan would’ve been mine.”

She seemed smaller all of a sudden. “Oh… Todd…” she touched his arm and, not knowing what to say, moved to drain the water from the tub.

He came up behind her, wrapping a towel around her body and hugging her against him. “I’ve thought about that a lot over the years, you know. Even before Irene and her goons got a hold of me. Remember the night I told you that dragon story?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“You asked me what I thought about when I couldn’t sleep.”

“You were vague at the time.”

“I didn’t want to admit it,” he told her. “Brendan should have been mine. Then you never would have been in that car and Kelly wouldn’t have hit you and I wouldn’t have almost lost you. He’d be ours, our boy. And all of the crap that happened after… wouldn’t have happened.”

Blair stepped away from his arms and looked at him seriously. “What about Patrick?”

“Who cares about Patrick?”

“Well, did I sleep with him before you came back or not?”

“Hey, if I’m fixing things in my head then Thornheart gets thrown out the window!”

“Literally?” A smiled tugged at the corners of Blair’s mouth.

Todd grinned. “That’s more your specialty than mine.” He considered it, though. It was a nice thought and put a smile on his face. “Which is better? Never having any doubt that it was my kid, which there wouldn’t be, or seeing the looks on their faces when it’s _proven_ that it’s mine?”

Blair considered that and as she did, Todd scooped her up in his arms and carried her into the bedroom. He deposited her on the bed and climbed up next to her.

“They wanted to take Brendan away from me,” she said softly. “They wanted to take him away because I loved you and wanted you to be his father. It’s like… Llanview’s favorite hobby is to take kids away from me. What the hell?”

“They couldn’t do it if he was mine,” Todd said. “He would have been ours and then you never would have been on that road because even if you had wanted to go home it would have been the penthouse and not out at Dorian’s mausoleum. We would have been home in five minutes and Kelly and her stupid ass wouldn’t have been anywhere near us.”

There was a long silence as his face darkened.

“I still hate her for that, you know.”

“So do I,” Blair whispered. “She doesn’t understand, even now. She gave me this whole sob story about having lost a baby, too, so we should be even. We’ll never be even. I didn’t kill her baby then hide it and use our family to continue the cover up. I didn’t leave _her_ dying by the side of the road!”

“Kelly’s a fucking moron,” Todd reminded her. “I can’t even imagine what messed up gene pool resulted in that bubble-headed idiot.”

“Well, I never knew Melinda,” Blair said. “She had been in institutions for as long as I’ve been a part of the family. Shipped off to California, I think. She had years of lucidity, though, unlike Mama. And no one knows who Kelly’s father is. If they do, no one’s telling. You’d think that with that in common, Kelly and I would have gotten along better.”

“You don’t have a lot of patience for idiots,” Todd pointed out. “Kelly was still getting the finest in clothes and education while you were selling jewelry on the streets and sleeping under bridges. She’s a taker and you’re a survivor. Then there’s her weird Buchanan fetish.”

Blair laughed in spite of herself. Todd’s rants about Kelly always brought her joy. She got too many excuses for her thoughtless cousin from Dorian and even Cassie was not inclined to speak ill of their cousin. Cassie wasn’t inclined to speak ill of anyone really so Blair couldn’t really hold that against her. Kelly had caused irreparable damage to Blair’s life and the only person other than herself that seemed to acknowledge it or care about it was Todd. She slid her fingers through his and squeezed.

He looked at her and took a deep breath. “Anyway… so, we would have had Starr and then Brendan. I think we would have had another one between Brendan and Jack.” He considered for a moment. “Another girl, maybe? We wouldn’t have called her Moon, would we?”

Blair’s laugh was louder that time. “Like the girl on Fraternity Row? I don’t think so. Um… how about… Jewel?”

“Oh my God, you are such a hippie,” Todd moaned. “No. That’s a _horrible_ name.”

“Screw you!”

“But maybe Gem… Gem… Gemma? That’s a name.”

Blair narrowed her eyes. “How is that better than Jewel?”

“For one thing, she’s not named after some alternative hippie chick from the nineties. She still around?”

“She married a bull rider, I think.”

Todd snorted. “Another fan of the cowboys. Then Jewel is _definitely_ right the fuck out. I’ll buy you a horse and you can name _it_ Jewel. Gemma is a human name. Okay then, Starr, Brendan, Gemma… then Jack. Then another one between Jack and Sam. How about another girl? Then we’ll have three of each.”

“How symmetrical.”

“This is my fantasy, dammit,” Todd insisted pleasantly. “Let’s name this one after Viki.”

“Only if we name her after Dorian and Addie, too.”

“That’s a lot of names,” Todd whined. “And I don’t want to name my kid after Dorian.”

“I don’t want to name my kid after Viki!” Blair shot back. “She’s been just as responsible for our bad times as Dorian has.”

“But we haven’t had those bad times in this fantasy,” Todd reminded her. “So you can’t be mad at her for that stuff.”

“Then you can’t be mad at Dorian.”

“Dorian hated me from the start,” Todd insisted. “And she wasn’t exactly a help when it came to our first break-up. Viki didn’t do anything like that.”

“No,” Blair agreed. “She was too busy being crazy! Locking Dorian in rooms and blackmailing the crap out of her.”

“I really don’t see that as a bad thing.”

“You wouldn’t,” Blair sniffed. “I stand firm.”

“We’re not naming her after Kelly.”

“Or Tina,” Blair grinned. “Not that you’d want to. I mean, we both like Mama and Cassie but if we name her after one then everyone else is going to get their panties in a twist.”

“Lily,” Todd said. “After your favorite flower. Then we’ll have a girl for the sky, the rocks and the plants.”

“That’s sweet.”

“And then Sam would have rounded us out at six.”

“And you expect me to believe you don’t want more kids?”

“What we have is enough,” Todd assured her. “Besides, we have a grand-daughter, too. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this but we make some pretty good looking kids. It wouldn’t surprise me if we had another grand-baby or two soon.”

Blair looked horrified. “ _How_ soon?!”

“Soon enough.”

“Do you know something you’re not telling me? Is Jack… oh God, I would have thought he’d learn from Starr’s mess in high school.”

“Relax! I don’t know anything and I don’t think Jack’s been up to anything with anybody. He’s been trying to wade through this mess of a family we’ve got.”

“That’s not exactly putting me at ease, Todd.”

He kissed her. “I think we’ve got our hands full with the brood we have.”

“And you wanted six?”

Todd shrugged. “That’s a different world… a different life… where we live in our mansion on the mountain and none of the crap we actually went through ever happened. It’s a dream. Real life is good enough for me at this point, babe.”

She settled into his arms. “If you’re sure.”

“I’d have been happy with only you.”

“Oh, Todd…”


	64. Chapter 64

“Todd, wake up,” Blair shook him.

“What, what, what?” Todd tore his eyes open at Blair’s hurried whisper. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, get up.”

“What?”

“It’s snowing.”

“What?!”

“It’s snowing!” Blair got out of bed and started throwing layers of clothes on, then chucked a few at Todd as well. “Get dressed.”

“Are you kidding me? What time is it?”

“Who cares?”

Todd couldn’t very well argue with that. Ever since they had come up to the cabin they hadn’t bothered to look at the clock for anything. They both had alarms on their phone to prepare them for the journey home but while they were there, they weren’t interested in time of day. 

“Get dressed!” Blair barked. “Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!”

There was no point in resisting. Todd wasn’t a fan of snow and cold or getting up when it was dark to go out in the snow and cold but eight years of imprisonment and a personal vow to enjoy those things he was kept from for so long, even the things he hated, urged him out of bed and into clothes and boots and his coat.

And Blair’s excitement helped.

Their lives always seemed to take a downturn in winter and Todd wasn’t able to indulge too much in Blair’s buoyant joy of all things snowy and icy; now he could and he wasn’t going to miss the chance.

It was quiet on the mountain. Not even a hint of a breeze. The snow fell softly and Blair’s momentum took her further out into the clearing than Todd. He watched her as she held her arms out and tilted her head back. The shafts of light from the door and window were the only illumination on the clearing behind the cabin.

Blair returned to him, her smile as bright as anything he could remember. “My favorite part of a snowfall,” she whispered. “Listen.”

Todd listened. He didn’t hear anything.

“There’s no quiet like the quiet of snow falling,” Blair’s voice remained hushed. “Sometimes, when my life is crazy, I close my eyes and try to hear this.” She was quiet for a moment. “It helps calm me down.”

Todd listened again, staring out into the dark forest as those tiny bits of white drifted down from the sky. She was right, it was a different kind of silence. It was as if a thick quilt had been thrown over everything.

It was peaceful.

And Todd hadn’t had much of that in his life.

Blair walked away again, doing a slow spin as she raised her arms.

Todd put his hands in his pockets, fingers brushing against and then closing over the jewelry box that held the engagement ring. He gripped it tightly in his pocket as he watched Blair. She was catching snowflakes on her tongue and he felt himself smile.

“I love you, Blair.”

She stopped what she was doing and smiled at him. “I love you, too.”

“Did you know… the first time I ever put my arms around you was in the snow. When we went sledding, remember?”

She cocked her head at him, taking a few steps towards him as she did. “Really? That was the first time?”

“Well, maybe when you saved my life when Powell stabbed me…” Todd amended. “But I don’t think that counts because I don’t remember.”

Blair couldn’t remember either. The most important part of that night was making sure Todd survived. They were barely friends back then but finding him sprawled out on the floor, bleeding to death, had shocked and horrified her. Her desperation for him to survive wasn’t anything she really thought about. She just wanted him to live. It was as simple as that.

“Sledding on those stupid trays from Rodi’s?” Todd grinned. “The first time we went down that hill, you sat in front of me… it was the first time I ever had my arms around you. Weird, huh?”

“How so?” Blair asked.

“Because I was all sad because Rebecca had left town and Peter Manning was dead and you were looking around hoping that Cord would show up and get jealous of you sledding with an ex-con.” He laughed and even his laugh was swallowed up by the softly falling snow. “Life is weird.”

She nodded, looking up into the sky. “It is. But it’s beautiful, too.”

He agreed as he stood there looking at her. The snow fell on her like a slow shower of stars. “Blair, come here.”

She drifted back over to him.

“You have snowflakes in your eyelashes,” he said softly. “And your hair.”

“So do you,” she smiled and touched his eyelashes with a fingertip.

“I grew up in Chicago and hated the snow,” he told her. “And I’m standing here watching it fall because it makes you happy.”

“Are you _that_ miserable out here, Todd?”

“I’m not miserable at all. That’s the funny thing. I was locked away for too long and all I had to hold onto were memories and hopes… hopes that dimmed the longer I was there. This is beautiful here and I see how happy you are… We’ve made love in front of the fire like you always go on about… and on the couch and in the bedroom and on the counter and in the shower and in the bathtub and it’s not a fraction of all the things I want to do with you. Hell, that’s not even a fraction of all of the sex things I want to do with you.”

Blair laughed quietly but she could tell Todd was building towards something and didn’t want to get side-tracked.

“I’m yours,” he told her fervently. “Completely. Body, mind, soul… every part of me belongs to you. I’ve never been more naked, more exposed, more open with anyone as I’ve been with you. It’s scary sometimes… knowing you know me so well but it goes both ways. I know you’re mine. I know you’re mine in ways that you’ve never been with anyone else. We’ve fucked this up so many times and we still come back… that’s got to mean something.”

She nodded. Her mouth inexplicably dry.

“So we belong to each other, this is something we’ve known for… forever it seems. So…” he pulled one hand out of his pocket.

The jewelry box was unmistakable. Blair had been engaged several times in her life. She’d been engaged to _Todd_ several times in her life. But, somehow, whenever he had a jewelry box or a ring in his hand she got butterflies in her stomach. Even when his proposals were little more than loud demands or a hesitant ‘Well?’

This was a full on proposal. Minus getting down on one knee but Blair wasn’t going to hold him to that with all the snow on the ground.

“I love you,” he told her. “I love you so much I can barely believe it fits inside of one guy. I’ve fought the world to reach you but all I want now is to fight the world to stay with you… with our kids… with our family. Marry me.”

“You know I will,” she breathed.

He plucked the ring from the box. “I was trying to come up with a really romantic getaway or something since you said you wanted something like that.”

“This is perfect,” she assured him as she shed a glove. “You always manage to come up with something beautiful.”

He showed her the ring.

She gasped in delight. “Todd! Oh my God!” He slipped it on her finger and she held it up so it caught the light from the cabin. “A pear shaped canary diamond! It looks like a gold balloon!”

“Well, yeah,” he nodded. “It seemed right.”

“You have such good taste when it comes to jewelry. You always did.”

“I just pick things I think will look good on you.”

She kissed him. Deeply at first and then small kisses all over his face.

“Can we go inside now?” Todd asked, “I’m getting cold.”

“We better,” she nodded. “Because I’m about to rip your clothes off and if you’re cold now…”

Todd grabbed her hand and ran inside, dragging her behind him.

==============================

Blair’s body was still humming from her third climax as Todd slowly traveled up from between her legs. His tongue swirled in her belly-button, then left a wet trail up between her breasts before nibbling on her collar bone. “I thought I was the one who was supposed to thank you for such an amazing engagement ring,” she breathed.

“We make our own rules,” Todd was looking immensely pleased with himself. “Maybe this is a thank you for saying yes.”

“I already said yes,” she told him. When she dragged a finger over his lips, he sucked it into his mouth. “You knew I’d marry you. I’d marry you a hundred times.”

“We’re getting closer to that number, aren’t we?”

Blair grinned as she reached down to stroke him.

“Speaking of multiples,” he groaned. “I think I can squeeze one more out of you.”

“Oh! So romantic!”

“It is romantic, baby. All I want to do is make you happy… especially if some of that happy means you making that noise you were making five minutes ago. A happy woman was making that noise. I’m going for that noise again.”

“Well, if anyone can do it…”

“You have such faith in me,” his eyes softened as he looked at her.

She smiled gently at him as the moment shifted from playful to serious. She brushed her thumb over his cheekbone as she wrapped the other arm tightly around his shoulder. “And you said I didn’t believe.”

“Well…”

“I haven’t. Not always.”

“Me either. I’ve stumbled there, too.”

“You said you believed in anything that got you what you wanted and what you wanted was us,” she brushed the tip of her nose against his. “You said that we were meant for each other… that we belonged together… for so long… for so long I just didn’t believe in that at all. I tried so hard to be what I thought I needed to be for others but with you all I needed to be was me. I couldn’t believe it was that easy.” She shook her head. “I mean, it just didn’t make sense.”

“Because no one loved you for who you were before,” he finished. “Well, I love you. I love you just the way you are.” A playful smirk spread across his lip before he closed his eyes and crooned. “Don’t go changin’ to try to please me…”

Blair let out a shriek of laughter and Todd joined in before kissing her again and again.

“Now, about a replay of that noise of yours…”


	65. Chapter 65

“You look weirdly nervous.”

Todd glanced at Blair as they drove away from the cabin. She was doing that finger twisting thing she tended to do when she fretted. They had spent another day in the cabin making love, reading out loud to each other from the Viking romance novel in between fits of laughter, and just generally basking in the glow of still being in love after so many years.

Now they were going back home to pick up their kids and officially move into the new house.

And Blair looked nervous.

“I’m just wondering how Jack is going to take the news,” she held up the hand that sported the engagement ring. “We’ve come such a long way with him… I just don’t want this to set him, and us, back.”

“If it helps, he was with me when I bought the ring.”

The stunned silence was something Todd relished. He honestly enjoyed shocking Blair in good ways. She was so rarely speechless he considered it a rare talent.

“What?”

“He was with me when I bought the ring,” Todd repeated, making sure to emphasize and speak slowly. He shot her teasing look. “I’m driving down precarious mountain roads,” he reminded her. “It wouldn’t be a good thing to whack me right now.”

“I think I need you to give me some more detail,” Blair prodded him.

“Jack and I were talking when I was hungover after my bender. I told him I wanted to marry you and how he felt about that. We kind of hashed it all out and then he asked if he could come with me when I got the ring.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Todd nodded, reveling in the memory. “He said he wanted to learn something from his father.”

“Oh…” Blair’s voice trembled.

“You’re not going to get all gooey now, are you?”

“Yes!”

Todd laughed. “It felt good. It felt really good to have him say that. To have him ask… even though I did think that a father taking his son jewelry shopping is possibly something more fitting to the 1800’s… that outfit you made me wear on Halloween is rubbing off on me.”

“Maybe I should get you to wear it more often,” Blair teased, dabbing her eyes. “You looked hot in it.”

“Those pants were too tight.”

“Those pants were just right,” she purred. “Han Solo wears tight pants, too, I don’t see where the distinction lies.”

“It is not fair to bring Han Solo into it,” Todd complained. “You know I have no defense when you say Han Solo wore something or did something.”

“I always knew your affinity for vests came from somewhere.”

“Han Solo didn’t wear ties and he looked cool so why should I?”

“Okay, I think we’re getting off the point.”

“Han Solo being the coolest guy in the universe is a point one should never get off of,” Todd said firmly. “We totally fit, too. You’re Princess Leia, I’m Han Solo… Viki is Obi-Wan and Dorian is Vader. Jack’s stretching out so much he can be Chewbacca. Shorty is R2-D2 and Sam is Spider-Man.”

Blair burst out laughing and leaned her head against the seat to gaze at her love. “I missed you… so much.” It was true. This was her drinking buddy who could make her laugh when she was down in the dumps. The guy she bought a stupid sentimental ‘Get Well’ card for with a puppy and a kitten on it when they barely knew each other because she knew, somehow, that it would cheer him up.

This was the guy who pretended to be so tough but spent ridiculous amounts of money on toys for himself. Todd was always hesitant to have fun in those days but once he started she always found herself completely charmed by what a goof he was and how playful he could actually be,

“All this time, when this family was falling apart… it’s because we didn’t have all the pieces,” she told him. “We didn’t have you. We had someone pretending and it was like fitting a piece into a puzzle that’s not quite right. It looks right, you’re sure it is right, but it just doesn’t fit no matter how hard you try. You’ve come home and everything feels right again… it feels right in ways I didn’t even know were wrong for so long.”

“Well,” he reached for her hand and brought it to his lips. “I’m here to stay and we’re a team. We’ll get this whole family thing figured out. Promise.”

Blair liked this kind of promise. It was the kind she knew he could keep.

==========================================

The boys barreled into the new place with wild abandon. They took to the stairs and immediately went to examine their respective rooms.

“Shorty, you wanna hang out here and have dinner before going down to your place?” Todd’s question held a hint of desperation in it.

Blair understood. She had been through Starr’s first round of moving out of the house and it had been devastating. She understood, however, her independent daughter’s need for her own space which was why she set such a thing up. Todd hadn’t been through their first bird leaving the nest yet.

She had a very strong suspicion that her man would need her undivided attention that night.

Starr seemed to understand, too. “Sure, I can do that.” She and Hope went over to the entertainment area to peruse the movies.

Todd grabbed Blair’s arm and drew her into the kitchen. “Where’s your ring?” He said it, softly and smiling, without moving his lips.

Blair shushed him. “Upstairs. I didn’t want them to see before we made the announcement.” Her voice dropped to an even lower whisper. “Our kids are notoriously hard to surprise.”

“Alright fine,” he said. “You had me worried.”

She kissed him. “You weren’t worried. Not about that.”

She had a point, Todd reasoned. At this stage in their lives the one thing he was absolutely certain of was that Blair loved him and wanted to be with him. 

Blair let everyone explore for about a half an hour before calling the crew together again. “Your father and I have announcement,” she said with a smile.

Starr immediately straightened, her eyes brightening and studying her parents intently.

When Blair, who had retrieved her ring from upstairs and surreptitiously put it back on before calling them all together, revealed the sparkling piece of jewelry, Starr let out a loud whoop and leapt to her feet to embrace her parents.

Then she cooed over the ring. “Look at that,” she breathed. “A pear shaped canary diamond!”

Todd rolled his eyes. “Do you Cramer women go through jewelry school or something?”

Jack snorted appreciatively. “It wouldn’t hurt for our side to get a lesson every now and then,” he said, nudging Sam. “At least then we’ll know what all the women in this family are talking about.”

“Says the young man who was present when the ring was purchased,” Blair said knowingly.

“What?!” Starr’s head snapped up as she looked at her brother. “You were _there_?!”

Jack smirked. “So when’s the big day?”

Todd and Blair looked at each other. “You know, we haven’t figured that part out yet.”

“I figured you were announcing you were getting married right now,” Starr set her annoyance at Jack aside for the moment. “That’s how you usually do things.”

“Really?” Sam asked.

“Oh my goodness, Sam,” Blair laughed. “This is going to be your first wedding! Well, that you can remember anyway.”

“What do you say buddy?” Todd sat down next to Sam on the couch. “Is it all right if I marry your Mom?”

“Does that mean you’ll be my Dad?”

There was a brief awkward silence as the question hung in the air before Todd glanced at Blair and then back at Sam. “Maybe that’s something we should talk about, huh?”

Sam smiled at Todd but then his eyes drifted over his shoulder and something far more interesting took precedence. “It’s snowing!” He jumped off the couch and ran to the wall of windows where, indeed, a light flurry was drifting about. “Maybe we’ll get a day off of school tomorrow!”

“I think it’s going to need to snow harder than this,” Jack said doubtfully as he joined his little brother at the windows.

Hope banged her little fists on the glass with demands to build a snowman.

“Sweetie, we need more snow for that,” Blair said as she joined her grand-daughter and sons.

Starr hung back with Todd. “You took Jack jewelry shopping with you?” She asked in a low voice.

“He asked,” Todd replied. “Jack’s been a hard sell since I’ve been back, Shorty. You and I were always close and I knew you wouldn’t have a problem with your Mom and I getting back together. Jack required more patience than I’m used to exhibiting.”

Starr rolled her eyes. “All of that is true.”

“When I told him I wanted to marry your mother, I was asking his permission. We’ve come a long way with him and I wanted him to know that his opinion mattered. He asked me if he could come with me when I bought the ring. He wanted to learn something from me, his father…”

“Okay okay,” Starr sighed. “I get it. Jack was such a jerk for so long and now he’s more like he always should have been. Look, he was always a meddling little twerp but he wasn’t cruel and then he was. Mom had to work her ass off to get through to him again after Victor and Tea basically teamed up to freeze her out.”

“Well, they aren’t in the picture anymore,” Todd said firmly, not wanting to dwell on Victor or Tea. “So, whatever.”

“What about Sam?”

Todd looked over at the windows where the others were breathing on the glass to fog it up and draw pictures. “I told your Mom I wanted to adopt him.”

“What did she say?”

“She’s for it.”

Starr nodded. “You should probably get married first. Have everything lined up and legal and by the book.”

“Did you really just say that?”

“I know what this town expects from our family,” Starr grinned. “We’ve lived up to it but our family is our family. You’ve been going on about it enough since you got back.”

“You were listening,” Todd nodded. “That’s encouraging.” He looked at his daughter and was amazed by her. He always was. She hadn’t grown much in height, she seemed to get the short genes from… all of the other women in the family but Blair. Her face, however, was so much more mature than when he had been taken. “So,” he said. “Tell me about this boyfriend of yours.”

Starr looked hesitant.

“It was pretty clever of you to tell me he existed while you were heading out the door before your Mom and I headed up the mountain. And that he was coming this weekend,” Todd grinned. “Felt like you took a page right out of my book with that one. Drop the news and run for the hills so they can sit on it for awhile. And your mother kept me good and distracted all weekend so I didn’t dwell on it. But now is now and I’d like to know more about this guy before I meet him.”

“I met him when I ran away from home,” Starr confessed. “I sent him a picture of Adriana because I wanted him to think I was beautiful…”

“You are beautiful,” Todd assured her.

Starr smiled, her eyes casting downwards. “You’re my Dad… I wouldn’t expect you, or Mom, to say anything different. At the time, I felt awkward and weird… because I was awkward and weird.” She sighed. “And my Mom looks like _that_.” She pointed to Blair, still with the others as they talked about various winter wonderland plans as the snow continued to fall.

“Your Mom went through her own awkward and weird phases, too,” Todd said. “She probably understands feeling that way more than you know.”

“She’d always tell me how beautiful and unique I was…”

“You are.”

Starr sighed. “Again, you’re my parents… you _have_ to say that.”

“My father brought me up telling me I was stupid, ugly and worthless,” Todd said quietly. “Parent’s don’t _have_ to compliment their kids. They _should_ but it’s not a law. Your mother and I tell you that you’re beautiful and unique because it’s true and because it’s something you should hear… because we never got that ourselves. We promised each other that our kids were going to have the things we didn’t and the most important part of that was love. We may have messed up on a lot of other things but I hope we gave you love.

“Jack and Sam haven’t had me for as long as you have but they’ve had your mother. No one is better at giving unconditional love like your Mom. I’m thankful for that.”

She was quiet for several moments which was when Blair drifted over.

“Listen,” she told them. “I’m going to start dinner. Why don’t you two go into your office?” Blair nodded to Todd. “You can finish this conversation there.”

“That’s right,” Todd straightened. “I have an office. Let’s go there!” He guided Starr down the hall to where Blair had set up his office. He still only had a desk and some chairs and a lot of empty shelves but it was his and Blair had put it there for him. “So, let’s hear it.”

Starr explained the circumstances of meeting Travis; New York and the kidnapping and eventual rescue followed by his staying in Llanview for awhile. She told him how he went back to New York with his mother and they grew apart but then reconnected over the last several months.

“He’s smart,” she said. “He’s studying environmental engineering and we can talk about all sorts of things… things I couldn’t talk about with James… things I couldn’t even talk about with Cole.” Starr’s brow furrowed. “We’ve just been getting to know each other again online… Skype or Facetime and stuff…”

“Yeah?”

“I really like him, Dad,” Starr sighed. “He makes me laugh and he makes me think and a part of me is really scared to have him come here because things are going to change.”

Todd nodded.

“Either they’re going to change in a good way and we move forward or they change in a bad way and we go back to drifting apart until it’s all gone again. And this time, it’s not likely we’d reconnect again. I don’t know. Change is scary sometimes.”

“It is,” Todd agreed. “But you’ve got to go for it. As long as he treats you right… otherwise, I can’t really sign off on it.”

Starr’s eyes were filled with such relief it made Todd angry. Victor had damaged his little girl with his bullshit. Todd may not have made all the right moves but he refused to believe he would ever have traumatized Starr the way Victor did.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Todd continued. “I don’t think he’s good enough for you but that would be true of anyone. I don’t think there’s anyone in the world who is good enough for my little Shorty.”

Starr wrinkled her nose at the nickname but smiled grudgingly. “Thanks, Dad.”

“ _Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars… Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars… In other words, hold my hand… In other words, darling, kiss me…_ ” Blair’s voice drifted down the hallway from the kitchen.

“Mom’s really happy,” Starr remarked with a smile.

“She sure is,” Todd agreed, smiling himself as he listened to her song. Blair sang when she was happy. This wasn’t for practice at the club. This was just her. She had started this up at the cabin and it was continuing and he couldn’t be happier. He was the reason she was so happy. It was gratifying.

“Don’t fuck it up.”

Todd’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline as he stared at Starr. “Watch your mouth!”

She snorted. “Oh, please… I was hearing that from you when I was four.”

“I don’t care!” Todd frowned at his eldest. “And I’m not going to fuck it up. Your Mom and I are in a good place… better than it’s been since before you were born so… so… shut up!”

She laughed then as Blair called everyone to dinner. “I love you, Dad.”


	66. Chapter 66

Starr had _The Addams Family_ for everyone to watch after dinner. She said it was a celebration of a bizarre and macabre family and they were as close to that as one could get in real life. She determined that it was a suitable way to commemorate the move into the new family home.

Blair demanded everyone get into their pajamas for the movie while she and Todd took care of the dinner dishes.

“You should have built an entire theater room, babe,” Todd remarked. “Then we could have sat in the back and made out while the movie was playing.”

She laughed appreciatively as he slid up behind her, kissing her neck as he wound his arms around her, hands flat against her belly. She turned to slip her arms around his waist, kissing him as well. She let her hands slide down and grabbed two handfuls of his ass just as they heard a “Gross!” coming from the stairs.

“Is this how it’s going to be now?” Jack demanded. Sam was behind him grinning. “The two of you being all handsy and disgusting with each other?”

“How do you think _you_ happened?” Todd reminded him.

“The stork,” Jack replied stubbornly.

Blair was less than bothered. “I’ve got ice cream,” she sang out happily. “Mint chocolate chip! Who wants some?” 

Sam shoved his way to the front of the line happily and Jack looked interested too. Starr and Hope returned from their apartment in their PJs and Starr took one bowl for the both of them. 

“Let’s you and me share, too,” Todd suggested as Blair finished with dessert and they all gathered to watch the movie. As Blair fed him spoonfuls of ice cream, Todd settled in with a feeling of complete serenity. This was his family and this was their home.

It wasn’t any home, either. They weren’t staying at someone else’s house or a place they had bought from someone else. Blair had designed this for all of them. And that included him, she admitted as much when she first brought him here. So here they were in a house suited for them watching a movie about a bizarre family that lived in a house suited for them. A bizarre family that loved each other and celebrated exactly who they were.

And the parents of said family were wildly passionate about each other.

“What does ‘cara mia’ mean?” Todd asked as Blair fed him another spoonful of ice cream. “Anyone know?”

Starr had her phone out to look it up but Jack supplied the answer. “My soul.”

“How do you know that?” Starr demanded.

“Why are you always surprised when I know things?” Jack returned. “You don’t have a patent on brains in this family, you know. Given your choice of lunkhead boyfriends, I don’t think you’ve _ever_ had the market cornered there!”

“Are you taking Italian in school?” Todd wondered, attempting to dissuade another Starr-Jack throwdown before it started. “Do they teach that?”

“I take French,” Jack replied. “I thought it was more useful to know what Aunt Dorian might be saying under her breath than what Dani or Tea might be screaming. And I know what ‘cara mia’ means because Benny’s parents are Italian and they call each other that as well as all of their kids, too. Benny’s Mom kept calling him that after the game he scored a hat trick in last season.”

Todd smiled slyly at Blair. “Cara mia,” he purred.

She grinned back. “My ecstasy…”

“My dinner!” Jack groaned.

Blair laughed, ruffling her eldest son’s hair and collected the empty ice cream bowls as the movie continued. As she returned to the couch she noticed it was still snowing outside and moved over to the windows to get a better look. Traffic was sparse but the weather didn’t seem to be an issue just yet. Still, it was a good idea to keep tabs on the snow.

When the movie was over it was still snowing. Blair thought there was a very good chance that there wouldn’t be school the next day. Still... 

“Okay, time for bed,” she announced.

Starr kissed her parents good-night and headed to her apartment with a sleeping Hope in her arms.

“It’s still snowing!” Jack pointed out. “No way we’re having school tomorrow!”

“Go to bed,” Blair insisted. “If I let you stay up, it’s going to stop snowing and school will happen on schedule. That’s the way it always works. Why do you think I made you do your homework before dinner?”

Jack grumbled as they all went up the stairs but kissed his mother good-night all the same. Todd patted Jack’s shoulder warmly as his son wasn’t quite up to overt tokens of affection with him yet.

Blair followed Sam into his room and climbed the stairs of his loft bed to tuck him in. She kissed his cheek softly. “I know it’s a little strange to be sleeping in a new place but I’m going to leave the bathroom light on so you can see it. Uncle Todd’s going to be right downstairs while I go check on the club. So if you need anything…”

“I’ll be alright, Mom,” Sam assured her with a smile. 

She kissed him again and then moved aside so Todd could do the same. 

“Night, buddy,” he said softly before they went back downstairs. “You’re going to the club?”

“I’m going to call it an early night and send everyone home before any more snow falls,” Blair said, checking the weather app on her phone. “It looks like this is going to keep up and I don’t want my crew to be stranded or having to drive in a real mess. I won’t be long and I’ll be just downstairs, remember? Now I don’t have to drive all the way across town to check up on things.”

He nodded.

“And when I come back,” she wound her arms around his neck, rubbing her body temptingly against his, “I think I’ll be ready to submit to my Viking in bed.”

Todd growled low in his throat. “I think I like it better when you’re defiant.”

“We’ll have to test that, won’t we?” She kissed him and then disappeared out the door.

Todd switched the television over to the news so he could get any updates on the weather while Blair was gone. Then he wandered about the place. He’d only ever been there the one time with Blair. Now, with the boys in their rooms, Starr and Hope in their apartment and Blair downstairs in the club, Todd was alone.

Alone was something he wasn’t particularly fond of. He’d spend eight years alone save for the visits from his captors and tormentors. Before that he’d been alone too much, often either by choice or through his own actions. No, alone was not something he enjoyed especially now that he had become so accustomed to being with Blair. In their years apart before Irene’s people had taken him, he’d had to train himself to be without her… to pull away when she got near even though everything in him had wanted to melt into her. He’d trained himself well; too well.

It was easy to be with her. That was the trick to it all. Ever since he had sat down next to her on a barstool it was easy to be in her presence. It was easy to talk to her. He hadn’t ever been a guy who shared too much with people but he was always saying too much when he was near her. Blair was easy to be around and for a guy like him that was a rare thing indeed.

She was only downstairs but he still felt her absence keenly.

Yet, at the same time, she was so ingrained in every facet of their new domicile that she didn’t feel far away at all. In some ways, just standing there he could feel her arms around him. He took a deep breath and really studied the area. 

The great room where they entered had an open floor plan in order to make as big an impact as possible. The view from the front door went to the chandelier, the curving stairs and walkway and the great wall of windows beyond. The fireplace and couches in that section made for a seating area with a grand view. The fireplace extended to the other side where the entertainment area was. This was more contained as the ceilings from the boys’ wing upstairs enclosed it somewhat. It made for a cosier atmosphere and though there were windows, they didn’t combat with the television. It was roomy all the same; plenty of room for their family and more.

Beyond that was a hallway that led to the laundry and utility rooms.

The kitchen was part of that large expanse of open space, tucked away on the left side as one came into the front door. It was a sizeable kitchen with a countertop that gave a clear view to the windowed seating area, the couches where the television was and another sitting area across the foyer.

That sitting area was designed more as a library type setting. There were still comfortable chairs and loveseats but bookshelves, tables and a very impressive looking grandfather clock were the things that drew the eye. Jack and Sam had both left their schoolwork on one of the tables in this area. Apparently, Blair decided it would be the homework station.

Todd smiled faintly as he studied the grandfather clock. It was opulent and old world, which wasn’t exactly like Blair but he suspected that this was where the pathway to Starr’s apartment was. Blair may like modern amenities but she was too much in love with the idea of mysteries and old mansions with secrets to not indulge in the cliche. He got closer to examine it, trying to see where the catch or the latch or whatever the mechanism might be to open the passage was.

Running his hands along the side of the clock, his eyes drifted to the bookshelf nearby and secret passages were forgotten.

 _How did she get this_? The framed picture was one he didn’t remember Blair ever having. It was of the two of them, a lifetime ago, he in a black suit, her in a red dress. Todd remembered that night crashing the Gold Star Gala and how much fun it was to thumb their nose at everyone.

That night, he had gotten a lead on a major story about the gangs in Angel Square and how they were getting armed. Blair had been with him for a lot of that before she went home, the pregnancy wearing her out, and he had stayed at The Sun all night to get the paper out.

But that had come later.

Todd vaguely remembered photographers roaming around the party. This one had gotten very lucky because he had managed to catch the two of them smiling. Blair had been glowing, he remembered that very well, the triumph of crashing the party lit her up like a bonfire. He had gone along with it because he didn’t much like being purposely excluded when the news of his being Victor Lord’s bastard son was still fresh.

Blair was laughing in the picture and he was looking at her, smiling broadly. It was a strange thing. He could feel his mind going back to that moment, the way Blair looked, the way she sounded, the way the tendrils of hair drifted down her neck.

 _We were falling in love then_ , he thought. _We didn’t know it… but we were_.

He had once called her out for changing when she heard Cord’s voice. It was true, Blair did change around Cord back then but hindsight being 20/20 had given him an insight. Blair changed from being herself the way she was with him to shifting into someone trying to be something else for Cord.

At the time, he had thought it was because Blair was in love with Cord and, to be fair, she did believe she was but it was only because neither one of them understood what real love was all about. 

“How long did it take for her to find this?” Todd wondered aloud, putting the framed photograph back on the shelf. For all that he was a master of the grand gesture, Blair had the gift for the little things. The small touches that reached right in and grabbed hold of your heart. He could drop a hundred thousand dollars on a diamond ring but she would scour the archives for a picture of them and put it in their new house.

Blair was what made their house a home. He never felt comfortable anywhere she wasn’t. 

“The snow keeps falling and we’ve got some early school closures,” the television intruded. Todd moved across the room in order to get a look at the crawl on the bottom of the screen and saw that Llantano County had called things off before the news anchor could get to it.

They’d be able to spend the first day in their new home together, too. Todd was pleased. He moved around to the wall of windows and looked out, staring out into the quiet city as the snow continued to fall.

When the door opened quietly, he turned to make sure it was Blair before focusing on the view outside again. Blair, for her part, set the night alarms and lowered the lights before coming over to him.

Her arms slid around his waist as she pressed herself against his back. “I can always see you standing at the windows like this,” she murmured. “You used to do it at the penthouse all the time.”

He caressed her arms with his hands but didn’t respond.

“When I thought I’d lost you in Ireland, I used to see you here… standing at the windows…” She sighed. “I’d come downstairs, or through the door, and I’d see you… My heart jumped into my throat when I opened the door just now. It’s so right to see you standing in front of these windows. So right. You belong here.”

He lifted one of her hands to kiss it. “I belong with you. It wouldn’t matter where we were… if I’m with you, it’s right.”

She chuckled softly against his back then pulled away to move around and face him. “But you like this better than Dorian’s, don’t you?”

“That goes without saying,” he admitted. He looked around. “Tacky French decor never really suited us anyway. This does.”

“I agree,” she said smugly, kissing him softly.

“Everything okay downstairs?”

“All locked up,” she nodded. “Here?”

“Quiet and calm,” he smiled. “School is cancelled for tomorrow.”

“Already? We better get to bed, the boys will probably be up at the crack of dawn now that they don’t have to be.” She smiled. “I have something for you.”

“Oh?”

She took his hand and led him up the stairs to their room. She presented him with a slim, light box.

He weighed it in his hands as she lit the fire and set it low. “This reminds me of the box I got you with the nightgown and robe… except that this one isn’t pink.”

“You do have an eye for boxes, lover.”

Fully interested now, Todd opened the box to find black silk pajamas inside. “Am I supposed to put these on now?”

“You can,” Blair said lightly. “You won’t be wearing them long but you can.” She blew a kiss at him as she went into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Todd decided against wearing the new pajamas that night and, instead, disrobed and climbed into bed. “I saw that picture you have on the bookshelf downstairs.”

“Which one?” Blair’s voice responded from the bathroom.

“The one of us at the Gold Star Gala a million years ago. Where did you get that?”

There was a pause as he heard the water running briefly. “I pillaged the archives of The Sun and The Banner looking for likely photographers who covered the event. Had to do some detective work, really. It was fun.”

Todd smiled, Blair always did like a project. “I was surprised to see it.”

“Good surprised, I hope.”

He snorted at her. “No,” he said sarcastically. “I hate being reminded of our past.”

She came out of the bathroom, her nude body barely draped in the white robe he had given her and sailed about the room turning the lights off. “Those were happy times,” she told him as she dropped her robe at the foot of the bed and got in next to him. “I wanted more proof of that. I think it’s important for the kids to see that, too. We remember but they don’t.”

“That picture… all I could think of was that we were falling in love.”

“We were,” she agreed. “We were.” She paused before sliding closer to him and whispering. “My ecstasy…”

He rolled on top of her to kiss her neck. “Cara mia…”


	67. Chapter 67

It was still dark when the sound of rampaging elephants woke Todd and Blair out of their slumber.

“No school today, Mom!”

Blair didn’t move but still managed to bellow, “Okay!”

“Two boys can make that much noise?”

“They’re on pretty good behavior right now,” she murmured, snuggling deeper into her pillow. “Wait until Christmas.”

Todd yawned loudly.

“Is my Viking tired?”

“Well, who woke whom up at three in the morning for a little action?”

“You did.”

“Oh yeah,” he rolled against her, spooning her under the covers. “Forgot.”

She laughed a deep, throaty laugh wiggling her butt against him. “Is that Thor’s hammer or are you just happy to see me?”

“I’m ready to bring the thunder, if that’s what you’re asking…”

Morning quickies were a great way to wake up, Todd decided. He was absolutely ready to seize the day when they finished and getting scrubbed down in the shower, and scrubbing Blair down in return, helped even more.

By the time they went downstairs, Starr and Hope had arrived. Hope was eager to build a snowman and Sam was happy to help teach her now that she could retain the lesson. Blair looked just as interested in playing in the snow as the little ones were.

The only one remotely upset at the snow was Starr. She fretted that it would keep Travis from coming but she went outside on the deck to help with the snowman building. Todd got some work done. The majority of his reporters could do their job remotely as could he which made things easy to manage.

Blair kept an eye on news and traffic so she’d be aware of what the city was going to be doing the next day. Sure enough, schools were going to be open the day before Thanksgiving which none of the kids were happy about.

When Todd picked Jack up at school the next day, Jack complained loudly that it was the most unnecessary school day ever; that not even the teachers wanted to be there and all they did was have a day long study hall because no one actually wanting to do much of anything.

Starr had gone to university but hadn’t stayed very long, according to Blair, since all of the instructors cancelled classes. Sam and Jack were the unlucky ones.

Todd took Jack to The Sun offices in order to set up the new computer he bought for his office at home on the network. Jack was extremely helpful with that. Todd considered telling him about the time he was the resident computer genius of Llanview but thought that might be a better story for when they had a stronger relationship. _I rewrote a virus in order to destroy your mother’s marriage and take her for myself_ , sounded a bit too much like a latter day duel… or something a modern Viking might be accused of doing; plundering what he wanted from whomever he wanted.

 _That Viking romance has officially wormed its way too deep into my psyche_ , Todd thought. But it was hard to not enjoy Blair calling him ‘my Viking’ in bed. That weekend getaway was still paying off in spades.

Jack enjoyed putting things together and making things work but Todd was ever mindful of Jack’s rather torrid history with computers and social media. He made mental notes to work on his passwords and make them so his children wouldn’t be able to guess and hack their way into his network.

When they got home, they went in to set up Todd’s new computer in the office. Jack was in a much better mood once he was finished with complaining about the ‘pointless day’ in school. A four-day weekend spread out before him and his spirits were high.

Blair came home with Sam and more groceries that completed their needs for Thanksgiving. Including two growlers full of the Scottish Heavy. She poured two glasses right away for herself and Todd, clinking their glasses together. “To Thanksgiving,” she said happily.

Todd tried to remember a good one… usually they were apart for Thanksgiving and he did remain doubtful about Blair’s ability to cook a turkey. He’d had Viki’s leftovers more than once and just did not understand the appeal at all but he had already been told, repeatedly, by his children that this was a feast worth having.

He asked Blair what he could do to help.

“You can rice the potatoes,” she told him as she put the groceries away. She turned and squeezed his biceps. “I’ll need a big, strong man to help me with that. And you can carve the turkey, too. Jack says that he found a great instructional video for that… even though my turkey is so tender that it just falls off the bone. Still…” she gave him a cheeky grin, “that is what the man of the house is traditionally supposed to do so let’s try it out.”

“And that’s it?”

“You can be my wine steward, too,” she bubbled happily. “Make sure I have my glass and that there is always wine in it. Also, you and the boys will be responsible for clean up since Starr usually helps me out with actual cooking.”

Todd didn’t like the sound of that but he nodded anyway. “Whatever the woman of the house says, I guess.”

“Oo, can I get that in writing?”

=========================================

Thanksgiving came and Todd made the valiant attempt to watch some football. He found it bizarre and depressing. Once upon a time, football had been his world and now, watching the Lions play the Packers, he felt worlds removed from the game. The other two games didn’t hold any interest for him either.

Starr and Blair were in the kitchen. Blair was peeling potatoes and Starr was chopping herbs. They chatted together about Starr’s classes and Blair’s club and upcoming Christmas plans. Jack was overseeing Sam and Hope as they played with Legos.

 _What do Dads do on Thanksgiving_? Todd wondered. He had scant memories of Thanksgiving Days growing up but they weren’t pleasant and they weren’t exactly traditional. He would raid Viki’s house for leftovers but generally he had spent most of his Thanksgivings alone… drinking and plotting ways to get Blair back.

Well, he had Blair so his own traditional Thanksgiving was right out. He couldn’t very well complain about that he just felt at a loss.

He wandered over to the kitchen and sat down on a barstool across from where Starr was chopping herbs. Blair was setting a large pot of potatoes on the stove to boil. Once she was done, she took a sip from her wine glass and peered over Starr’s shoulder to see how she was doing.

“Hey handsome,” she smiled at Todd. “How’s the game?”

He gave a noncommittal grunt accompanied by a shrug of the shoulders.

She moved around to squeeze his shoulders, kneading them with her fingers. “What’s wrong?”

He shrugged again. “Nothing’s wrong.”

Blair leaned against his back for a moment then reached down to take him by the hand and lead him over to the wall of windows. “You’re not used to this,” she said quietly.

Todd took a deep breath and smiled slightly. It shouldn’t have but he was always amazed when Blair was able to pinpoint exactly what was weighing on him. Blair got him. She was the only one who ever really did.

“I get it,” she nodded, looking out the windows to snowy midtown Llanview. “When you want something for so long it’s hard to get comfortable with it once you have it. People like us are not used to getting what we want.”

“True,” he sighed. “So, what the hell do I do about it?”

Blair smiled. “Watch some TV. Play with the kids. Do some writing. Go upstairs and jerk off…”

Todd burst out laughing at the last suggestion, pulling her tightly against him and leaning his forehead against hers. “You make me… feel,” he sighed. “And after trying like hell to not feel anything while Irene had her claws on me, feeling things makes me nervous.”

“Feeling things always made you nervous,” Blair pointed out. She kissed the tip of his nose lightly and stroked his face. “Now, do whatever you’re going to do because as soon as those potatoes are done I’m putting these arms to work.”

Todd decided to play with the kids. He toyed with Hope’s collection of Disney figurines and tried to nudge Beast over to a blonde girl with green eyes that he thought looked more like Blair. Hope chastised him soundly.

“Grampa Todd! That’s not right! Rapunzel goes with Flynn Rider!”

Jack grinned. “She’s _very_ particular. You’re not allowed to deviate from the story too much.

Todd figured Hope would out-grow that notion and was pleased to note that at least Flynn had a goatee. “So what’s his story?”

“Orphan. Thief. All around scoundrel. Heart of gold. Falls in love,” Jack supplied as he worked to pry apart two flat Lego pieces that Sam couldn’t break up. “Dies to protect his girl… that sort of thing. Hope hasn’t made you watch _Tangled_ yet?”

“Not yet.”

“Give it time.”

Todd looked at the green eyed Rapunzel again. “You know, Hope, your Gramma Blair had long, long hair once.”

“Really?” Hope looked across the room where Blair was in the kitchen. “How long?”

“Well, not as long as this,” Todd pointed at Rapunzel’s locks. “But down to her bottom certainly… like a waterfall of gold…”

Jack heaved a sigh. “Don’t make me lose my appetite, dude.”

Hope scowled at her uncle.

“I had long hair, too.”

That seemed to stump his grand-daughter. “Why did you have long hair, Grampa Todd?”

“It was the fashion,” he picked her up and took her over to the Gold Star Gala photo that was on the shelf. “See?”

“Gramma Blair’s hair isn’t long,” Hope said with a frown. 

“It is, she just put it up all fancy,” Todd assure her.

Hope looked at the picture and then poked his chest about where his hair came down in the photograph. “Your hair was long,” she agreed, then proceeded to play with his hair, a serious look on her face. “I like you now, Grampa Todd.” She leaned forward and gave him a wet smack on the lips.

“I like you, too,” he said softly before she wiggled out of his arms and went back to her toys.

 _I’m a grandfather_ , Todd thought to himself. It wasn’t the first time he thought it but every time he did he was filled with a sense of complete and alien wonder. He was a man who once thought that he would be the last of his line. No sane woman would ever touch him and the thought of children filled him with fear and dread. And here he stood in a room looking at two generations that had come from him.

Without realizing it, he and Blair had created the beginnings of a dynasty. It was so strange and so surreal that Todd knew he wasn’t dreaming. He never would have dreamed up this life for himself.

Blair’s voice sang out across the room requesting his assistance with dinner.

No, this was not a life he _ever_ would have imagined.

===================================

Slipping into bed beside Blair that night, Todd felt over stuffed and completely sated. The kids hadn’t exaggerated about the meal, Blair had developed some impressive alchemy over the years. Todd had fashioned a turkey sandwich before bed and even if he felt like he was about to burst he didn’t regret a thing.

“That gravy is amazing,” he whispered.

Blair grunted softly in response.

“Did you ever think all those years ago that we’d be celebrating Thanksgiving with a full on turkey dinner, kids and grandkids?”

“Grandkid,” Blair corrected sleepily. “We still only have one.”

“Still… did you ever think that?”

Blair rolled over, sighing deeply as she shifted. “I don’t think it ever crossed my mind back then. I didn’t have much in the way of traditional holidays growing up and when we first got together we weren’t thinking that far ahead.” There was a long pause. “Our first baby would have been born in November.”

“Only two months later than I expected,” Todd chuckled. “That’s strange to think about, isn’t it? That if things had been just a little different we’d be celebrating a birthday around now…”

“Technically, Sam should have had his birthday around now. He’s actually a couple of weeks away. Apparently he wasn’t in a hurry to come out, not that I blame him.” Blair sighed again. “I think that’s when it’s going to hit him, Todd.”

“What?”

“That Victor’s gone and… not a part of his life anymore…” she adjusted the pillow under her head. “Victor cut all ties but Sam has just carried on because being with me and his brother and sister and niece are normal for him. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of things at the time but the holidays are here and he’s going to realize that his father isn’t contacting him.”

“Why did you guys have a big party for Sam a few months ago if his birthday is in December?”

“It got overlooked due to various dramas,” Blair said sourly. “Marty going off the rails after Cole went to jail for starters… the restraining order that Victor tricked Starr into signing… just crap on top of crap on top of crap… this was shortly after Tea turned out to be alive and Eli had returned and oh…” she groaned wearily. “Too much drama! And after we thought we were done with Eli and all… Marty decided to be a bitch to Starr and blame her for everything.”

Todd rubbed her arm soothingly. “I still can’t believe we share a granddaughter with Marty,” he murmured.

“Well,” Blair yawned. “If it helps, it’s not by blood. God knows it helps me sometimes.”

“What?”

“What?” Blair seemed moments away from drifting off.

Todd jiggled her slightly. “What do you mean not by blood?”

“Oh. Hope is not a blood descendant of Marty Saybrooke.”

“I thought Cole was her father.”

“He is.”

“You’re losing me, babe.” He gave her another jostle.

Blair peeled her eyes open. “Okay… Cole did not come out of Marty. Is that clear enough?”

“How would you even _know_ that?”

“Because he’s a year older than Starr,” she nestled back into her pillow. “I’m pretty sure I would remember if Marty were pregnant at that time. It would have been hard to hide what with her bouncing between Andrew and Dylan and being an example to us all.”

It was so obvious, Todd couldn’t believe he didn’t think of it. “You always said she was Cole’s mother.”

“She raised him,” Blair yawned louder this time. “I didn’t give birth to Sam but he’s my son. Why would I change that attitude just because it’s Marty? She loved him, she raised him, she was his mother… she just didn’t give birth to him.”

Todd stared up at the ceiling, still mentally kicking himself for not figuring this one out on his own. “What about the McPoet?”

“Yeah, Cole is all Patrick’s,” Blair’s voice was soft as she neared sleep. “That much was obvious.”

“Hope doesn’t look like a Thornheart,” Todd pointed out suddenly very happy about that.

Blair trilled softly. “Hope looks like a Cramer-Manning. She’s ours.”

Todd leaned over and kissed Blair’s forehead. A soft snore signaled that she had drifted off despite the conversation. “Yeah, she’s ours.” He lay quietly trying to figure out how he felt about Hope not being connected to Marty by blood. It was strangely comforting. Blair was right during their confrontation in the cabin, they had been way too involved in each other’s lives and even if Marty was Hope’s grandmother the lack of official blood-tie put something in him at ease.

But it was probably the turkey that made him fall asleep so easily.


	68. Chapter 68

The day after Thanksgiving was lazy. There was nothing that needed doing and the family settled in quite happily with lots of leftovers to graze on and plenty of television to watch or games to play.

But it was also a day for visiting, it seemed. 

The first thing that happened was that Starr brought Travis to meet Todd and reintroduce him to the rest of the family.

Travis was a tall, lanky kid with unruly brown hair and smiling eyes. His voice was a bit throaty and hoarse when he shook hands with Todd and made casual small talk.

“Starr was worried you weren’t going to make it because of the weather,” Todd remarked.

“Well, it happens that environmental concerns on traffic falls under my area of study and I’ve got some contacts. We actually made most of the trek in a snowplow and kind of geeked out over the experience,” Travis explained. “Getting to see how they handle freeways during a heavy snow is great… especially since it wasn’t during a blizzard but I imagine I’ll get a shot at that soon enough.”

He was a dork, Todd realized. And then he noticed Starr beaming at Travis, glowing like the very thing she was named after. He realized even more that his daughter was head over heels for this dork. 

Hope was wearing a princess crown made out of gears and cogs. When asked, she proudly stated that Travis had brought it as a gift and that she was a ‘steampunk princess.’ She said the words very carefully and deliberately as if she had practiced them over and over since Travis’ arrival.

The kid knew what he was doing, Todd would give him that. He seemed a smart kid who had legitimate goals for himself and that was nice. Todd was slightly envious, he’d had no idea where his life was going at that age. Jack had an extremely low opinion of Starr’s romantic endeavors but this kid might change it.

At least he wasn’t a former car thief like her last boyfriend. Or a convicted murderer like the one before that. Not that Todd had any room to talk but he had always wanted better for his daughter than a guy like him.

Leaving them alone, Todd pulled Blair into his office. “So… what did Cole want to do with his life?”

Blair scowled slightly. “Get everyone to clean up his messes for him? He took after his mother in that way.”

Todd raised an eyebrow. “I’m serious.”

“So am I,” Blair shrugged. “Honestly, Todd, Cole never seemed to have much in the way of ambition. He played sports in school, he took drugs, he had severe anger issues…”

“He sounds like me,” Todd said dully.

Blair heaved a sigh. “Maybe,” she conceded. “But Starr never knew you as an athlete. That sort of thing never came up. She didn’t know about your pot smoking days, either. Anger issues? Sure, she knew about those. But Cole wasn’t anything like the father she knew. Victor didn’t even become the rage machine he turned into until well after she was involved with Cole. Travis? Travis was more like the father she knew… smart, wily, a bit damaged from tragedy with his family, found her unique, endearing and interesting… she changed too much to suit Cole. She was trying so hard to be normal and going after the young football star fit into that idea. She grew out of that, though. After a while.”

Todd accepted that. “So, you think this kid is alright?”

Blair nodded. “Starr needs a challenge, mentally, and that’s something that she has worked out for herself. I think with her previous beaus the various dramas that arose shielded the fact that she needed that stimulation. Cole was pure teen drama,” she rolled her eyes. “I mean, it was _ridiculous_ and Victor didn’t help with his king of the castle pronouncements and such. I often thought that if they were left alone they’d drift apart anyway but it was never fast enough for him. He never seemed to understand that he was the thing they united against more than anything and Starr was so stubborn that I almost lost her for good in all of that. It was all I could do to smooth things over so she wouldn't hightail it out of our lives for good. She’d already taken off twice by the time she was threatening to leave forever when she wanted to marry Cole.”

“Are you kidding me?” Todd was aghast.

“She gets it from both of us,” Blair pointed out. “When things don’t go our way we both have a tendency to not think and run instead of fixing it or thinking it through. You and I were both very good at disappearing when we needed to, Starr’s threats scared the shit out of me, I’m not going to lie. I was way too accommodating to her teenaged whims because I really was worried about her taking off. That independence that she developed at the age of seven and our own tendency to spoil her rotten gave her the idea that she was invincible. When she met Travis it was because she ran away and took a pile of money with her. That got her kidnapped and held for ransom, I was worried like crazy that she wouldn’t be so lucky the next time and Starr… Starr has no concept of what it’s really like out there.” She shook her head. “Not when you’re young and on your own.”

“She got through it,” Todd reminded her.

“Yes. Yes she did,” Blair nodded. “And I think she’s stronger for it but I still don’t think she really knows how dangerous the world is for a girl on her own. She’s outgrown those sorts of threats though. I think she settled into figuring out what it was she really wanted. We were always so dramatic, highs and lows, the ultimate in extreme roller coaster relationships that I imagine Starr took that to be fairly normal and so that’s what she looked for but it wasn’t for her. Not really. Which, to be honest, is a huge relief to me.”

“Well, now we get a chance to show her and the boys that a relationship can be amazing without all of the insane stuff we used to bring to it,” Todd reached across the desk for her hand.

She met him halfway, smiling. “Sounds like fun.”

==========================

Viki was the next visitor bearing one of Lois’ famous pumpkin pies. Blair greeted her warmly, commenting on how nice she looked and asking after the rest of the family before setting the pie on the counter and offering to make tea.

Viki said that would be lovely as Starr came over to happily reintroduce Viki and Travis. Todd watched quietly as Viki asked after Travis’ mother before turning his attention back to Blair.

It suddenly occurred to him that, although Blair was polite and even welcoming, there was little more than that to her interactions with Viki. As he thought about it, there never had been anything more between them in the past. Viki had certainly rarely gone further than those niceties and Blair met her at exactly the same point. His woman sure could play the game. He’d forgotten how well.

“Todd, why don’t you give Viki the tour?” Blair suggested sweetly.

He raised an eyebrow at her but she was very studiously putting a kettle on for tea so he turned to his sister and showed her around.

“Growing a beard?” Viki asked casually as they crossed the skyway to the boys’ rooms.

“Trying it out,” Todd nodded. He scratched the growth with one hand noting that it was filling in nicely. “Don’t know how long I’m going to keep it. Once it fills in… there’s all the trouble of maintaining it.”

“How does Blair like it?”

“Blair likes it just fine,” Todd replied. Blair liked it more than just fine. Every day he was reminded more and more of the way she had never been able to keep her hands off his goatee when they were first together. He was enjoying it immensely but had a definite plan in mind. Once he got tired of the maintenance, he’d shave it all off and then Blair would stroke his face and coo about how silky smooth the clean look was. He knew how his woman was.

And, for some reason, he wasn’t comfortable with having the beard for very long. He was feeling weirdly antsy about it.

“I notice she’s got a new accessory on her hand,” Viki smiled. “A very expensive one if I’m not mistaken.”

“Expensive enough,” Todd agreed. “I proposed to her on top of a mountain. This one needs to stick because the only way I can top it is if we’re scuba diving and I’m fighting off a shark.”

Viki laughed. “I think you could probably propose to Blair in a parking lot and she’d be fine with it.”

“Well, I wouldn’t do _that_ ,” Todd considered their history. “I mean, I backed into a proposal at Rodi’s which is probably the lousiest one I’ve given her but since she was after me for my money at the time I guess I’m not too bothered.” He grinned. “One time I just threw the ring at her.”

“Romantic,” Viki replied drolly.

“I was trying to be cool.”

“How’d that work for you?”

“Well,” he hedged. “It’s not like I _threw_ it, threw it, you know? I just tossed it at her for her to catch. I wasn’t aiming at her head or anything. I was so… desperately afraid… of showing her how I felt. I wanted her so much and that scared the shit out of me because… because of a lot of reasons.”

“How did she respond to the ring toss?”

He shrugged. “She had just signed a document Max wrote up for their divorce. I mean, she had already agreed to marry me but she was devastated… You know, I’m not exactly sure why. I never had the guts to ask. But it wasn’t like I was sweeping her off her feet. Hell, I had asked her to marry me telling her that love was a lie and I didn’t expect anything from her.” Todd paused as he led Viki back across the skyway, looking down at his family as they crossed to where the master suite was. “I think, at the time, that’s what she thought she deserved. She wasn’t very happy back then.”

Viki didn’t reply as he opened the door to the bedroom. A lot of what he was saying seemed more to himself than anything. “Oh my!” She exclaimed when they entered the room. “It’s… well, it’s just very dramatic, isn’t it?

Todd looked at his sister, vastly amused.

She smiled back. “It’s not exactly to my taste.”

“What _is_ your taste?” Todd asked. “Because all I can figure is ‘heavily floral’ but I don’t think that’s a specific style. Dorian loves her tacky French shit and Blair’s very contemporary but you? I don’t know what Llanfair is.”

“English cottage,” Viki sniffed. “I actually quite liked your penthouse.”

“After I redid it or before when Blair designed it?”

“You know,” Viki replied slowly. “I had quite forgotten that it was different when the two of you were first there.”

“That wasn’t exactly a time when you visited often.”

“No,” Viki looked about the room. “It’s lovely, though. It seems so well suited to this midtown area and you seem well suited to it all, too.”

“I was never one for over-stuffed crap,” Todd pointed out.

“Then why change your penthouse to be filled with it?”

“It was a peace offering for Delgado,” Todd replied. “I always wished that Blair would just get a bug up her ass and redo it one of the many times we were there together afterwards but she never did.”

“Why was that, do you think?”

Todd looked around the room. It was modern and stylish and, even though they hadn’t been there for very long, it had the feeling of security to it. It was home. This room was already a haven, a place of comfort and romance for him and Blair. It was easy to understand why. There were no bad memories. There were no interlopers. It was only them. “Because I erased her from the penthouse when I replaced all of those things. I didn’t just put Delgado in as a substitute for Starr’s mother and my wife… I took everything that was Blair and eradicated it. The penthouse wasn’t hers anymore. Even if we lived there as man and wife or lovers or whatever, she felt like she didn’t belong and was just waiting for it to end. It wasn’t hers. It wasn’t _ours_.”

“I remember when Tina completely redecorated Llanfair,” Viki remarked. “Oh, it was _horrible_. Garish and absolutely the epitome of nouveau riche which is exactly what Tina aspired to be. I think the black and white tiling was the thing I hated most. I was thrilled to regain control of it all and fix it. That’s what it ultimately came down to, though… at the time, Tina was determined to flex her muscles as the owner of Llanfair and when I got it back, I did the same in reestablishing myself as such. I can understand Blair not feeling welcome to flex her muscles… when you returned after Tea, you and Blair were on shaky ground.”

“Yeah, we were,” Todd nodded regretfully. He could have been braver back then. He could have taken things slower. Or he could have just full out seduced her, Blair wasn’t exactly immune to that. It probably would have taken her by surprise since it was likely the last thing she would have expected from him. There were a lot of what-ifs in their lives.

“You’re obviously not now,” Viki pointed out. “And Blair creating this home, well, let’s just say this is quite a declaration of independence for her, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Well, good for her.”

Todd took Viki downstairs to his office and Blair brought them both a pot of tea to enjoy. Cassie had arrived while Todd was giving Viki the tour upstairs and Blair preferred to visit with her cousin.

Viki took in Todd’s office as she sat down. A computer system appeared to be fairly new with wires haphazardly winding this way and that and no set up to keep them tamed just yet. The window behind Todd’s desk gave a lovely view of midtown and the Manning Building further in the distance. “This is lovely.”

“Blair started setting it aside for me when I came back,” Todd nodded. “Even before we decided on anything she was making room for me.”

“I imagine Blair knows the score by this point,” Viki replied as she helped herself to tea. “Whether or not you make a declaration, you’re going to be a part of her life. You have kids together, after all.”

“It’s more than that.”

She sipped her tea. “I suppose it is.” Viki regarded him for a moment. “Though you weren’t particularly forthcoming about that before. I remember when you came back to town all those years ago… you were practically manic. I could hardly be blamed for not taking you very seriously when you announced that you were marrying Blair. Before that, you seemed focused on Starr. Then I remember you standing at my door in tears because you couldn’t watch Blair go off and marry Max and have his baby. What changed?”

“That covers a lot of territory, Viki,” Todd told her. “Like… almost a year. A lot can change there.”

“Yes, a lot can,” she agreed. “But what changed for _you_? When did you decide that it wasn’t just Starr you wanted back?”

“Blair was kind of always part of the deal,” Todd explained. “I had tried to separate them before but Blair’s a tenacious thing… she didn’t just hand over Starr then and she certainly wasn’t ever going to. I knew that if I wanted to be a regular part of Starr’s life that I’d have to be a regular part of Blair’s as well.” This was a delicate conversation to have. Todd really had no desire to tell Viki that seeing Blair with Max in an alley wearing a white dress that barely covered her and seemed completely see through had woken up a libido he was certain he had managed to retire.

There was a reason he kept invading Blair’s bedroom and personal space, after all. The vibe between them had never gone away.

“There had to be a moment,” Viki pointed out. “There’s always a moment.”

“She kissed me,” he told her. “She was thanking me… for saving her marriage, ironically enough, and she kissed me,” he remembered it so vividly, the feel of her lips and the way he instinctively kissed her back. “It was like… the sky opened up… after so long…” he looked at his sister. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“I know what it is to love, Todd,” she replied gently, her expression only slightly irritated as his dismissal.

“You’ve been married how many times?” Todd asked. “To how many different people? I get it, Viki, you’re just built different but you don’t understand what true love is. You just don’t. Blair and I… we can’t be with other people, it’s not the same.”

“It’s never the same, Todd,” Viki assured him. “My relationship with Joe wasn’t like it was with Clint, or Ben, or…”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” Todd said heatedly. “You don’t _get_ it, Viki. You don’t. I don’t know if you’re the lucky one, or I am, but I have true love… Blair and I are what they write songs about, poetry, epic poems and all that. It’s the highest highs and the lowest lows… and she kept me alive. For eight years all I did was think about coming home to her and it hasn’t been easy because while I was dreaming of her, she was having her world torn to shreds by some fake who pretended to be me.”

Viki reached across the desk to put her hand on Todd’s, soothing him with a low shushing noise. “How grateful I am that you’ve returned to all of us because I’m finally getting the chance to see and understand things about your life that I didn’t before. I wish you had felt comfortable enough to tell me about your relationship with Blair before.”

“I wasn’t comfortable with it,” Todd admitted. “It wasn’t easy for me to even acknowledge something that made me feel that… exposed.”

“I’ve loved every one of my husbands,” Viki said softly. “And I went into every marriage believing that it would last forever. I’ve lost too many to death… Joe, Sloan, Ben… and Clint and I have a deep bond that has seen us through many years, and we raised those children together, it makes sense that we might feel drawn together again.”

“It’s still not the same,” Todd insisted.

“Perhaps not,” Viki nodded with a smile. “But I’m still always ready to listen.”

“Duly noted.”

“I have to ask,” her voice took on a sly tone, “does Dorian know what’s going on here?”

“Blair and Cassie seem to have some sort of voodoo witchcraft going on that keeps Dorian’s scrying spells from seeing,” Todd replied, proud of his colorful descriptions of the Cramer Coven’s goings-on.

“Is that so?”

“Blair wanted to be out of the house and safely ensconced here before alerting Dorian to that fact. She thinks it will be easier to ask for Dorian’s forgiveness rather than her permission.”

“What do you think of that?”

“I’m happy to keep Auntie Darkness out of the loop indefinitely,” he shrugged. “I know that’s unrealistic, though. I don’t think Blair needs to ask forgiveness and I don’t think she does, either, but it’s all about smoothing things over. Truthfully? I think Blair set this all up so she can shut the doors to the castle until Dorian’s ready to listen to reason. I’ve never seen Blair freeze Dorian out before, I can’t wait.”

Viki chuckled softly. “You know there’s never going to come a day when Blair doesn’t love Dorian.”

“I know that,” Todd sighed. “But I also know that Blair is never going to give me up. Thing is, I don’t think Dorian knows that. That’s where the fun lies.”

“Only you would consider going to war with Dorian fun.:

“It’s not a war, per se,” Todd replied, scratching the bristles on his chin. “It’s more like… skirmishes.”

“What’s the difference?”

“I’d never declare war on Dorian,” Todd said softly. “I never have. Blair loves her too much.” If he were to be honest with himself, the real reason he had never declared full on war against Dorian in the past was that he was certain he would lose. Now, he knew that if he put it to Blair to make a choice she would probably choose him but he also knew that he could never demand Blair make that choice. It was a strange double-edged sword.

Viki smiled at her brother. “It’s a real shame that Dorian can’t offer you the same courtesy.”

Todd grinned. “That’s okay. She makes me look good in comparison so I benefit from playing nice.”

==================================

“I worry about you,” Blair said softly in the darkness of their room. The fire was so low it was just faint blue flame.

He sunk his fingers into her hair, holding her head so he could kiss her deeply. “Why?”

“You seem… uncertain. Like you’re waiting for something to happen…”

He didn’t respond. He wasn’t sure how he should. She was right. He didn’t feel quite settled and it bothered him. “Well, I’ve got everything I want back… and the problem with having everything.”

“Don’t do that,” she whispered, her fingers stroking the bristled line of his jaw. “Expecting to lose the things you love is no way to live.”

He caught her hand and held it up. Shifting it back and forth in the faint light the diamonds still sparkled. It comforted him. It meant she was his. She was always his but, somehow, putting rings on Blair’s finger made the connection official.

“Have you thought about seeing someone?” Blair asked quietly.

“The only person I want to see is you,” Todd said firmly.

“That’s not what I meant. I mean... professionally.”

He gave her a wary look.

“I know it’s not something you’re necessarily fond of,” Blair sighed. “But, it’s been eight years of hell for you and even the strongest person would need help dealing with that.”

“You’re suggesting therapy?”

“I am.”

Todd heaved a heavy sigh trying to come up with a reasonable sounding excuse. “I’m not there anymore... I’m out. I’m back. I’m _here_. I can deal with it.”

Blair disentangled her hand from his and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him against her. “Eight years of daily torture? You may be dealing with it now but that’s because you’re still fighting to get back what was taken from you. That’s not dealing with it, Todd, that’s just setting it aside. At some point, Todd, that battle is going to be over. You’ll have gotten your life back completely and then you’re going to have to start living again.”

“I’m living now...”

“No you’re not, you’re fighting. You’re still in a war. Maybe not with guns and tanks and bombs but a war nonetheless and I don’t think you’re prepared at all for living in peace time.” She propped herself up on one arm to look down at him, stroking his face with her hand. “You’ve been fighting all your life and more than anything, Todd, I want you to enjoy what we have, what we share… not be afraid of losing it again.”

He squeezed his eyes shut trying to keep the tears from spilling out. She kissed his cheek, where one tear had escaped. Of course she saw it, he couldn’t hide anything from her. “I’ll think about it,” he whispered, pulling her tightly against him. She wasn’t wrong but he didn’t know who in the world he would ever feel comfortable enough with to talk about everything he’d been through. “What if I talked to you?”

“I’m hardly qualified, Todd.”

“You know me better than anyone,” he insisted. “You understand me. I trust you.”

She brushed his hair back away from his face and swept her fingers over his forehead “What are you afraid of, Todd?”

“The other shoe dropping,” he said without hesitation. It was true, he felt like he was waiting… waiting for something to crawl out from under a rock and throw everything out of balance and he couldn’t quite rest easy until he saw where it was coming from.

“When it does,” he appreciated that Blair said ‘when’ as opposed to ‘if.’ Blair knew their lives too well to pretend otherwise. “I’ll be here and I’ll be on your side. You know we’re unbeatable together.”

He searched for her mouth with his and moaned softly when he found it. To know she was completely on his side after so long was a relief in and of itself. He knew that she was but hearing her say so mattered. The rest of their holiday weekend was going to be beautiful. He wasn’t going to worry about anything and then, when the world started up again, he’d be ready for that other shoe to drop.

It was coming. He knew it was.

She did, too. They were completely in synch. For now, though, as he rolled to move her underneath him, they would be in synch in much more pleasurable ways.


	69. Chapter 69

The other shoe arrived at Todd’s office at The Sun on Monday. It looked innocuous enough at first but Todd noted the international postage and already didn’t like what it might hold. 

Tahiti.

Todd put the envelope aside, determined to get actual work done before delving into whatever Victor or Tea might have sent him from their island getaway. He was even successful at it, meeting with his editors about current happenings, getting status reports on the continual upgrades to their online content. Briggs’ eldest daughter was the managing editor now, having worked her way up through the years and proving herself more than capable of bringing The Sun well into the cutting edge of technology as well as bringing forth writers who were capable of more than just a sordid headline.

He had lost his vision for his newspaper a long time ago… when he decided that using it to hurt people was more important than making a legitimate name for himself as a newsman. He was more agreeable to the notion of making The Sun less of a joke again. There were times, late at night, when Todd considered selling the whole damn thing. The paper didn’t mean to him what it once did and it was so much more important to him these days to strengthen his family life… to give his children the attention and support they deserved… to give his soon to be wife the attention and support she deserved.

But he had also always thought of his paper as something to pass down… even though he wondered what that might even mean at this point. Print media was dying and everything was online… what would he pass down to Jack and Sam? Would they even want it? Jack seemed more inclined to take on the mantle certainly. He was more of a writer while Starr had never shown any interest at all and was, in fact, pursuing her passion for scaly things. Sam still had plenty of time to decide what he wanted to do.

After musing about the future of his family, Todd decided to open the large envelope from Tahiti. There was a sizeable letter as well as a check for a sizeable amount. The check was notated with a ‘cars I bought’ scrawl in the memo line and Todd set it aside to look at the letter.

 _Strange sometimes the way things work_ , it read. _I wondered… hoped… feared what would happen when I got away from all of the influences that you and your life had on me. But I’m remembering…_

Todd read further as his mouth went dry, his hands went cold and he started to sweat. He dropped the letter and reached for his phone, desperately tapping out ‘I need you. I need you now.’ to Blair before shoving away from his desk and trying to get a hold of himself.

======================================

Blair was in a wonderful mood. The kids were all in school, Todd was at work and she had just set aside ideas for Sam’s birthday in favor of pouring through her old sketches and drawings from Daimler Designs. She had a brand new sketchbook with various pencils to come up with new ideas and was currently letting her mind, and hand, wander to see what sorts of designs emerged.

It had been a long time and she was very definitely rusty but she was so happy she didn’t care that her line work was sloppy and rough.

Blair was so happy and contented that Todd’s text came across as nothing more to her than a frenzied desire for some afternoon delight, to which she was entirely amenable. She changed into a sweater dress and riding boots and dabbed a little bit of Opium behind her ears.

Years ago, when Dorian moved Blair into her penthouse, she had left a bottle of Yves Saint Laurent’s Opium behind. Blair had tried some on, feeling very exotic when the spicy scent wafted about her, and then eyed the bottle longingly for about a week before asking Dorian if she wanted it back.

“It doesn’t suit me, darling,” Dorian had said loftily. “Perhaps the one time Yves has let me down. If you can make use of it, you’re more than welcome to.”

Blair remembered being vastly amused at the way Dorian spoke, as if Yves Saint Laurent had attempted to make the perfume specifically for Dorian and had failed. She had been thrilled, though, to have something so expensive for her own use even if it was a hand me down.

Other lovers hadn’t been particularly fond of the scent. Cord was too polite to say so but she’d notice a constant twitching of his nose when she wore it on their dates. When Blair married Max, he hated the fragrance and demanded she never wear it around him.

Todd was one who seemed to like it. Not the only one but certainly the first and her skin tingled when she thought about the way he’d bury his nose in her hair and breathe her Opium-tinged scent in. Even when they weren’t together, Blair would wear it if she was in a wild and dangerous mood. After all, the spicy, exotic perfume had lured in a wild and dangerous lover in Todd, it only made sense.

Despite it being very much an after dark kind of perfume, Blair was feeling somewhat racy and believed Todd would appreciate it. He had a habit of patiently ignoring the majority of her explanations about which shoe was for which season or what the difference was between ‘after five’ dress and cocktail dress. He wouldn’t be remotely interested in hearing that Opium was something to wear when it was dark even if he could probably appreciate the concept. The fact was, it was a scent he liked and it usually meant something steamy and damp was going to happen between the two of them.

Men often didn’t concern themselves with details when there was a bigger picture in it for them.

She smoothed the sweater dress over her hips and then put on a coat. The dress would provide easy access but she’d still be warm, which was necessary because November turning into December had turned decidedly bitter with gusty winds bearing icy teeth blasting through the city streets. Bearing that mind, Blair added a scarf as well and tied her coat tight around her.

When she arrived at The Sun, she fluffed her hair in the elevator and breezed to the door to Todd’s office, casting a casual wave to the new face sitting at a desk outside his office. The new assistant blinked at her and seemed ready to try to interrupt but Blair went on by with all the confidence of a woman who knew she belonged.

She spotted Todd on the couch and placed one hand on her hip in a seductive pose. “Hello hands---” and that’s when she noticed he wasn’t quite in the mood she thought.

It was very much like their visit to the hospital. Todd sat rigidly, clenching and unclenching his fists, staring determinedly at the floor and chanting that mantra. “I have a daughter, her name is Starr…”

Blair leaned back against the door to help shut it and then locked it, dropping her coat and purse on the floor as she crossed the room to where Todd sat. She leaned over in front of him, hands framing his face and softly calling his name.

It was the familiar and much desired ear stroke that first got his attention. As the haze of his trance faded, he saw Blair’s green eyes in front of him, felt her hands on his face, and then caught the familiar whiff of her spicy and favorite sexy perfume. 

Todd always thought of Blair smelling of white flowers as that seemed to be her go-to everyday perfume but this… this spicy, exotic concoction… this was something different. This was when she needed to feel strong, or was actively looking to seduce… it was not every day but it was the scent he remembered from their first time, and it was what she wore for their Fourth of July night when they came together again after the miscarriage, or when he told her to put on something ‘better’ when he blacked out Llanview and set off fireworks for her and it was very definitely what she wore the night they made Jack… Those moments, everything about them, were seared into his mind.

Scent was a powerful memory trigger and all of those memories and more ripped through his mind as he stood up and pulled her into his arms, his mouth reaching for hers, until she was pressed against him completely.

Blair wasn’t exactly expecting to be ravished at that moment, that is to say, she was expecting exactly that when she first walked into the office but when she took in the scene those thoughts abandoned her completely to be replaced by concern for Todd and what had put him back into that strange trance of his. Now that he was responding to her by wrapping himself around her and plundering her mouth with his tongue, Blair felt herself at a loss. She remembered, though, Todd calling her in the middle of the night when he was still at Viki’s, or even now that they were living together rolling against her either to make love or just press himself against her or to even just talk. He’d wanted to do that so many times when he was being held prisoner, to just reach out to her… hear her voice, touch her hair, kiss her… know that she was there.

Which seemed to be exactly what this was. 

The growls in the back of his throat increased as he backed her up against the desk. Blair could see exactly where this was going and gave into it. She knew better than most that a complete sexual release was oftentimes exactly the thing one needed to be able to better deal with things. She had a history of not always finding the right man to do that with but Todd was very much the right man for her and she was most definitely the right woman for him. Once he got this out, he’d be able to tell her exactly what was going on.

It was lucky that she had already been anticipating a delightful romp with Todd on her way to the office because he wasn’t wasting any time. As he reached under her dress, she deftly unbuckled his belt and got everything out of the way and before she could blink he was inside her with a groan that was a mixture of desire and relief.

One hand gripped her thigh while the other was fisted in her hair as Todd went to work. Blair maneuvered herself into a fairly comfortable position on the desk but she could see that this wasn’t going to last long and it wasn’t really about a fun little quickie in the office. This was a desperate moment for Todd, a need to feel and be felt in the most primal way possible in order to bring him fully out of that place he went to whenever he was reminded of his eight years of imprisonment. She watched him closely, caressing his face, gripping one shoulder to help keep her position, and saw just when he was ready to burst… at which point, she caressed his ears to send him over the edge.

Blair was less concerned about getting her own in this situation. Todd would make it up to her later. For now, she was focused solely on finding out what had happened to get him to this point.

He caught his breath, his head resting against hers, his breath tickling the shell of her ear. “Sorry,” he murmured.

“Hmm?” she questioned.

“I… I didn’t really take care of you there, did I?” He stepped back, turning away as he stuffed himself back into his pants.

“No,” she replied frankly, “but I’m not worried about that right now.” She hopped off the desk and crossed the room to where her purse lay on the floor. She casually took out an extra pair of underwear and put it on noting Todd’s bemused expression. “Oh come on, you didn’t think I’d prepare a little bit? I figured I was coming over for this very thing, I just didn’t know the circumstances.”

“I hate being so…” _fucked up_ were the words he wanted to say but he was fucked up long before he had ever met Blair, “broken,” he finished miserably.

“Don’t say that,” Blair crossed over to him again, cupping his face in her hands. “We’re both damaged, we know this… we’ve known this from the start. You are a survivor, Todd Manning. You’ve been a survivor all of your life and this is something else you’ve survived. It’s going to get better… I promise it will.”

He hugged her, pressing his face against her neck. “This perfume does things to me…”

“I know,” she laughed softly. “That’s why I wore it.” She pulled back to look at him, dragging her fingernails through his beard. “Now… why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

He studied her for a moment then reached up to scratch his jaw. The second his fingers touched his beard, they dropped to his side again and his breathing hitched up a notch. To cover, he turned quickly to his desk. “I got a package today,” he said, only the slightest tremor in his voice. He picked up the items he had received. “From Tahiti.”

Blair could understand that getting anything from either Victor or Tea would cause some consternation but it didn’t explain a total backslide. Todd didn’t seem too eager to elaborate so she took the items from him. The check was clearly not something that was going to cause an emotional issue so she quickly set it aside and focused on the letter.

It didn’t take long to see what what going on.

Victor’s scrawl spat out a few minor formalities but then got to the point of it all. _Being away from Llanview and the complete shambles you call a life has actually helped me out. The programming melts away in the sun, with the family that never belonged to you, and the life that you never had the guts to live. I am remembering who I really am and, admittedly, it’s not much better but at least it’s me_.

_We’re not twins for starters but we are brothers. Half-brothers. Victor Lord, upstanding citizen that he was, did have a tendency to litter the world with bastards and I’m yet another one. But my mother was not Irene Manning and she was also not the woman who held you prisoner. My mother, the one who did hold you hostage and the one you killed, was actually Eileen Klovis and it shouldn’t be too difficult for you to corroborate her existence as well as the existence of the Klovis family, of which I seem to be the last… so far. They have a few generations involved in government work which I believe is how she met our illustrious monster of a father in the first place._

_Victor has loads of skeletons. It’s entirely up to you how far you want to dig to unearth them. I’m still debating that myself, to be honest._

_I remember when they brought you in. I remember my mother’s particular interest in you as a means of revenge for being passed over for Irene… if you can even call it that. It makes me wonder about Victor. Who was this man? Did he make people crazy like he did Viki with his disgusting actions? Or did he draw crazy to him like I did with Margaret?_

_Maybe it was both._

_Anyway, I remember things… not everything but I remember the way they’d drug you and start grilling you for details about your life. I remember how they’d ask how you’d touch Blair so I could take your place without her being the wiser. That was the real deal… they spent so much time grilling you about Starr and about Blair. The basics were all that were necessary to fool others, even Viki, to be honest… I thought that was strange. You’d think they’d need to know more in order to fool her but she fell into the trap all too easily._

_Starr needed details but Blair was the one they focused on because Blair would know. And I still think it’s interesting that Blair didn’t make the leap until she believed that I had tricked her and lied to her down to my core and pretended to be someone else just to get her._

_Strange thing is, she was more right than she knew._

_Even stranger is how quickly it took for you to realize what they were doing. I remember seeing you shut down and go catatonic when they were working on you. And they’d do some pretty awful things to drag you back out. It wasn’t too long after they sent me in to take your place that you shut down for good._

_I’ll give you credit for this much, Todd, you know how to fuck up a person’s plan just out of sheer stubbornness but, to be honest, I can’t say I’m too bothered. My mother was clearly a piece of work. I’m not even mad that you killed her. She tried to kill me, after all. Hey, it must be a relief to know that you didn’t wind up adding matricide to your list of deeds after all_.

Blair stopped reading at that point and looked at Todd.

“Well,” she said helplessly. “Fuck!”

Todd burst out laughing and nearly went into hysterics. He bent over double and then collapsed back on to the couch, still laughing. It was all so absurd. And yet it all fit into the insane circus that was their life. And Blair had summed it all up perfectly.

Fuck, indeed.

Blair went back to reading. There was more detail about the things they did to Todd to get him into the fugue state so he could be pumped for information and that was clearly the genesis of his mantra. Todd had said at the cabin when they were reliving their life together that Irene… well, Eileen actually, had tried to take all of his memories from him.

And now it finally made sense why Victor had attempted to erase Todd’s life when he first arrived as Walker. That was a piece of the puzzle that hadn’t made sense to her. He worked to eradicate it so they could replace it with information that would fit Victor into Todd’s place.

Blair sat next to Todd on the couch and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Mark Twain was right.”

Sometimes, Blair’s non-sequiturs left him reeling. He supposed it was only fair, he liked to throw them at her, too. “What?”

“‘Truth is stranger than fiction,’” she quoted, “‘but it is because Fiction is required to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.’ I’ve become very good friends with that quote over the years.” Blair sighed. “We’re going to have to tell others about all of this.”

“You haven’t finished the letter,” Todd pointed at the other pages she hadn’t even looked at yet.

Blair looked at the pages and folded them up. “Let’s go home. Let’s go to bed with a bottle of wine and look over this letter and figure out what we want to spend this check on and figure out what all of this really means. This is going to require time and thought.”

“We’re so awesome at that.”

“We’ll help each other out with it,” Blair promised. “We’re a team, remember?”

Todd laced his fingers with hers and nodded. It had taken too long and they had squandered too much along the way but he knew what an ally he had in her. He was not going to take that for granted again.


	70. Chapter 70

“He sure does give a lot of information,” Blair said wearily taking a sip of wine. “Do you think that’s suspicious?”

“I don’t know,” Todd replied dully, laying on his back on the bed staring up the ceiling.

“I mean he gave code keys,” Blair poked one of the pages. “Code keys! I mean, that might actually explain why he had an encrypted file in his… _your_ desk with an old picture of you but this is all so… _strange_.”

“You knew him better than I did,” Todd pointed out.

“I don’t know him at all,” Blair replied sharply. “He was always pretending… God, he has more in common with Thomas than I ever thought before. Weird.” Coming home early to try to figure Victor’s motives out seemed like a good idea at the time and, honestly, Blair couldn’t think of an alternative plan that would have been better but the boys were in their rooms doing homework and Blair felt exhausted just going over it all again.

It made her furious and it broke her heart and it completely perplexed her… knowing how broken and damaged some people could be was something Blair had been exposed to all of her life. Yet she could still be surprised by the depths some people could sink to. This Klovis woman was a piece of work by the looks of it.

Assuming that what Victor was saying in his letter was even true.

But why wouldn’t it be?

Her eyes slid over to Todd again. He hadn’t moved. He just stared up at the ceiling listlessly, his arms splayed out to either side. This seemed to have hit him very hard and he hadn’t been able to explain why… or even acknowledge it. Blair wondered how long she should wait before forcing the issue.

She was spared making that decision from a sudden commotion from the hallway. Sam burst through the doors bellowing at Jack. “It’s not true! It’s not!”

Jack was right behind him looking distressed.

“What on earth?” Blair asked as Sam flung himself into her arms.

Todd pulled himself into a sitting position as he looked between both boys.

“Jack said that Dad didn’t love me anymore!” Sam hissed from the safety of his mother’s arms.

“I did not!” Jack objected before taking a breath and hesitating. “Not exactly…”

“Yes you did,” Sam insisted. “That’s what you said!”

“Jack?” Blair asked softly, as she stroked her youngest son’s head. 

Jack took a deep breath. “All I said… was that he shouldn’t expect to hear from Victor for his birthday. I was just trying to prepare him! I swear I didn’t say Victor didn’t love him anymore!”

“You said he didn’t want to deal with us!”

“Yeah,” Jack shuffled his feet. “Well… I did say that.”

Todd grinned in spite of himself but managed to turn away before it was seen.

“Okay,” Blair nodded. She set Sam on the bed so she could look at him. “Let me make this very clear… Victor does love you. All of you,” she fixed Jack with a look to include him.

Jack didn’t appear to agree with that but he wisely kept his mouth shut.

“But Jack is right in that you’re probably not going to hear from him or get anything from him for your birthday,” Blair continued. This wasn’t exactly the ideal situation to deal with this but she knew it was going to come up somehow. Perhaps it was better to get it out now.

Blair nodded as she gathered Sam against her and rocked him gently. “Can you give us a moment?”

“Be right back,” Todd said, reaching to place a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Don’t get too far without me.”

Todd stood up and nodded for Jack to leave the room, following his eldest son and closing the door behind him. He ushered Jack out into the hallway.

“I really wasn’t trying to make trouble,” Jack insisted.

“I believe you,” Todd replied quietly.

“Am I in trouble?” Jack asked immediately after Todd shut the door behind him.

“Were you trying to make trouble?” Todd replied.

“No!” Jack stormed. “I told you guys in there…”

“I believe you,” Todd repeated quickly and firmly. “No, you’re not in trouble.”

Jack let his breath out. “This sucks, you know.”

One side of Todd’s mouth quirked into a half smile. “You need to be more specific.”

“Victor.”

“Oh, well,” Todd nodded agreeably. “He does suck, I’m with you there.”

Jack scowled.

“I’m so sorry,” Todd sighed. “I’m so sorry any of this ever happened. It’s not just Victor’s mess that sucks, it’s Victor Sr. and the many messes he created because he was a real… piece of shit.”

It seemed that Jack continued to be vastly amused anytime Todd swore in front of him.

“Look,” Todd said as they got to Jack’s room. “This situation… Sam figuring out that Victor is out of the picture… it was going to happen. Your telling him didn’t necessarily change anything. It’s just… how do you tell a kid something like this? Is there a good way to do it?”

Jack shrugged. He honestly didn’t know. He had tried to ease into it with his little brother but Sam caught on to what he was saying and it all went downhill from there.

“So, I’m gonna go back in with Sam and your mother,” Todd continued, “and then your mother and I will come talk to you about it all and it’ll be good. Don’t worry.” Todd ruffled Jack’s hair briefly and left the room.

Jack sat there for a moment and heaved a sigh as Todd poked his head back in the door way.

“I promise you’re not in trouble.”

===========================================

Blair was struggling. Once upon a time, she had done everything in her power to keep Todd in a good light for her kids. A part of that was because she was unable to give up hope on him herself. When she told Starr that Todd was a lost prince, in her heart of hearts, Blair yearned for Todd to find his way home as well.

What could she tell Sam about Victor? How could she tell him that Victor was so broken, so confused and so desperate to put any semblance of an independent life together (for possibly the first time in his life) that he didn’t want any reminders of his life in Llanview and how it connected to Todd. And part of that was Sam. Sam’s conception wasn’t a good memory anyway but given that it was mixed up with Victor’s memories of being Todd and being willing to do anything to get back to his family… a family he didn’t even want anymore…

This blew.

Sam looked at her expectantly, his big eyes magnified by his glasses, and Blair wished more than anything that all she would have to do is hug him tightly and sing him to sleep. As it was, she did hug him tightly and dabbed at her eyes because the last thing she wanted was for him to see how upset the whole thing made her.

“Your Daddy,” she began, “Victor… he left.” She took a breath. “He went through a lot, Sam, a lot that we just don’t know about when they made him think he was Todd.”

Sam studied her. “He was brainwashed.”

“Yes,” Blair cocked her head at Sam. “Yes, he was.”

“Because people wanted him to think he was Uncle Todd but work for them.”

This went from blowing to being weird. Was it right for Sam to have this much of a grasp of the situation? Now Blair really wasn’t sure how to proceed.

“Remember in Avatar?” Sam said. “They were brainwashing the people in the Earth Kingdom to forget about the 100 years war and keep order.” Sam sat back a bit as he explained. “And they brainwashed Jet to forget he was a freedom fighter, too, because the Earth King didn’t want his subjects to freak out about the Fire Nation.”

“And people think cartoons aren’t educational,” Blair remarked. “Well, okay… yes, Victor was brainwashed.”

“So if he goes away is that going to help?”

“I think so.”

“Will he come back?”

“I don’t know,” Blair admitted. “At the moment, he doesn’t seem to want to because it’s very confusing for him to be around all the things that those people made him think were part of his life all along.” She looked up as Todd quietly let himself back into the room. “But it’s important that you know, Sam, that this isn’t about you. This is about what those people did to him.” She saw Todd scratching at his beard again. It seemed a reflex at this point and she knew why now. Sam came first, though, she’d bring this up to Todd later.

“The brainwashing,” Sam confirmed, commanding her attention again.

Blair nodded. “Victor and I agreed that you should be around the family and the life that you know while Victor goes and figures out who he is.”

Sam chewed that over. “Is Jack right, though… that we’re probably not going to hear from him?”

“Yes,” Blair nodded again. “I’m sorry, honey, it’s just that… he thinks it’s better that way.” Blair thought it was better that way, too, but she was okay with laying this at Victor’s feet for now. It was less than chivalrous but she didn’t care about being fair so much as making Sam feel secure where he was.

“I hope you don’t mind if I’m a part of that family,” Todd piped up, crossing the room to join them on the bed and ruffling Sam’s hair as he did. “You’re the first friend I made when I came back to Llanview.”

Sam smiled.

“You gave me a sandwich and root beer,” Todd continued. “And you were nice to me.”

“You were nice, too!” Sam piped up. “You saved my life!”

“I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you,” Todd said, his voice a little strained at the memory.

“You were gone a long time,” Sam commented. “That’s what everyone says even though I didn’t know you before.”

“I was,” Todd agreed.

“You’re like Captain America.”

Blair barked out a laugh both at Sam’s comment and Todd’s perplexed expression.

Sam leaned closer to Todd. “Did they freeze you when you were away? Captain America was frozen for seventy years!”

“I didn’t get frozen,” Todd started to understand what Sam was talking about. Being referred to as anything close to the most obvious good guy that ever gooded left him a bit rattled, though. “And I wasn’t gone for seventy years, either. Eight was long enough for me.”

Sam was quiet for a moment. “Starr said we grow up Manning and that it’s different from everyone else.”

“Well, Starr would certainly know,” Blair nodded, smoothing her youngest son’s hair. “But it’s okay to be different.”

“I’m already different because I wear glasses,” Sam pointed out, he was quiet for a bit before asking hesitantly. “Is it okay if I don’t miss Dad… Victor… every day? Sometimes I don’t think about him.”

“I don’t think Victor would want you to spend your time missing him,” Todd assured Sam. “You go to school, play with your friends, play soccer, watch cartoons, do homework… you’re a busy guy! It’s okay, Sam.”

Another pause. “Bree says Brody’s going to adopt her. She says she’s going to be Bree Lovett when that happens. What’s my name?”

“Sam Manning,” Blair said firmly.

“But Todd Manning isn’t my Dad,” Sam replied. “How does that work?”

“I could be your Dad,” Todd told him softly. “Then you’d be Sam Manning and that would be that.”

“Really?” Sam looked at Blair. “Is that allowed?”

Blair wasn’t sure what she thought of Todd just blurting it out like that. He must have still been rattled at being compared to Captain America. “It’s allowed…” she agreed.

“Sometimes, families are born into each other,” Todd explained. “And sometimes we get to choose who we want to be a part of our family. I picked your Mom here to be a part of my family. I’d sure pick you, Sam.”

He smiled broadly at that. “I’d pick you, too, Uncle Todd.”

“So, are you okay?” Blair asked.

“Yeah,” Sam sighed. “I get it now.”

“if you ever feel upset or sad or anything… you come to me or Uncle Todd, okay?”

Sam laughed. “I know…”

=============================================

She looked exhausted and that all too familiar crease between her brows told its own story. They had put Sam to bed, Blair spent some extra time singing to him, before visiting Jack and assuring him that everything was fine and they knew he was trying to be a good big brother. 

Todd watched as she went back into the bedroom and stared hard at the letter Victor had sent earlier. He didn’t think she was really seeing the words anymore. She was exhausted and she was focusing her ire on those pages.

He wondered if Victor could feel the death glare as far away as Tahiti. He wondered if some of the sleepless nights he spent when he’d voluntarily left Llanview were a result of Blair directing her witchy Cramer vibe at him.

“I’m so sick of having to explain to my kids why their fathers aren’t around,” she growled mostly to herself.

Todd could understand. He’d run out on more than one occasion after doing everything he could to dismantle Blair’s relationship with Starr but then left her holding the bag when he made too much trouble for himself to stick around. Blair had only been away from her kids due to interference; his, certainly, along with others.

“Yeah,” he said. “Over the years you’ve had to do more than your share. And, for that, I’m sorry.”

She looked over at him and then down at the letter in her hand. “Can we put this off for a little bit?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” it was true. For all that Todd had been expecting the other shoe to drop in regards to Victor and for all of the new information they had he was less inclined to dwell on it all at the moment.

Blair shoved the letter into the drawer of her nightstand and flung herself back onto the bed before groaning loudly and peeling herself off again. “If I lay down, I’m not going to get up again,” she sighed as she shuffled into the bathroom to change. After a moment she called him to join her.

He did so to find her holding a box in her hands. 

“I got this for you.”

It was a nice enough box that was not gift-wrapped so he didn’t think it was a particularly special occasion. When he opened it, he found a black and chrome shaving set. Chrome soap cup with a brush and safety razor that matched. They were clearly of good quality. He looked at her questioningly.

“It took me awhile to figure it out,” she said. “Ever since you grew that,” she reached forward and scratched his beard, “you’ve been on edge. When Victor was rescued from that lunatic Margaret’s clutches he had… quite the lumberjack look going on. He didn’t get rid of it until they found me and even then he waited a day to shave it off. We were all so exhausted when we got home that he didn’t care to waste the time that night… but afterwards, when it was gone, he never came close to that again. I asked him about it one time and he said it reminded him of being tied up in her cabin.

“And I know you’ve had the beard before but it’s not sitting right with you now. Your sleeping habits are even more messed up then they usually are and I see you… clawing at it sometimes… it’s like you don’t even know. So, you should get rid of it.”

“And you thought getting me a fancy kit would help?”

“I was going to get you that anyway,” Blair sniffed. “You already know I like to watch… why not get you something old-fashioned and masculine so I can enjoy the benefits? I was going to save that for Christmas but I think it’s better you have it now. Shave it off, Todd,” she nodded to his beard. “I think it takes you back to that compound and I don’t want you living there in your head any more than you have to.”

She kissed him and then set about to washing her own face and getting undressed.

Todd looked at the set she had got him and then looked at himself in the mirror. He remembered how much of a shock it was to see himself after so many years and that seeing his face like it was then was wearing on him. It was strange how something so obvious eluded him but then he had a tendency to be stubborn about his own crap.

Just like Blair was about hers. It’s why they worked. They could see in the other what they were trying so hard to hide.

Todd threw his shirt into the laundry basket and then got to work. The brush and lather against the bristles on his skin was strangely soothing and each stroke of the razor that removed the beard was even more so. Every time he saw the blade cut a swath free of the beard he felt an enormous weight lift from his shoulders.

The letter from Victor talking about his own lunatic mother and the goings on in that hell hole Todd had been imprisoned in hadn’t exactly been a balm but it was obvious now that Todd had gone back to that period of getting free and trying to figure out who the hell he even was simply because he’d grown a beard.

Maybe Blair wasn’t so wrong about going to talk to someone. Facial hair seemed such an innocuous thing to get weirded out by but as he cleaned his newly shaved face up he couldn’t deny how much better he felt.

Blair was near him again, her white nightgown drifting softly about her as she smoothed some after-shave balm between her hands. He closed his eyes as her hands touched his face, stroking them with the balm. When she stopped, he opened his eyes again to see her smiling at him. “That’s better… I can already see the difference.” She moved to wash her hands of the balm.

At that point, Todd decided that Blair had done more than enough to take care of everyone else that day. He was supposed to be taking care of her, too. He was more than a little annoyed at the idea that a fucking beard on his face had rendered him completely incapable of dealing with shit.

Unacceptable.

He stepped forward, pressing himself against Blair’s back and reaching around her to guide her hands under the water, soaping both of their hands in the process, then rinsing them and drying them off. Tossing the hand towel aside, he swept his hands into her hair, lifting it off her neck and then pressing the fingers of one hand to the back of her neck.

He could feel the tension and decided to take her into the bedroom to give her some much needed attention. When he laid her down on her stomach and bent over her he remembered he hadn’t exactly prepared himself.

“Shit.”

“What?”

“Don’t move,” he bounced off the bed unbuckling the belt that had just reminded him he was not bed ready. “Don’t fucking move!” He kicked everything off in the bathroom and grabbed the pajama bottoms that Blair had gifted him with before jogging back into the bedroom where Blair was up on her elbows looking after him curiously. “Shut up,” he offered. “I’m not a natural when it comes to pampering.”

“You are, actually,” Blair disagreed. “You never did give yourself any credit.”

He got on the bed and nudged her down again, sweeping her hair aside to get at the tense muscles of her neck and shoulders.

“You were always good to me,” Blair murmured. “Unless you weren’t… but you started out good and you always went back to that, even after the worst of times.”

Her words gave way to a long groan as he dug his fingers into a particular knot on her shoulder. As he massaged her, Todd felt his own mood shifting; perhaps the shave helped, as did talking to the boys and parenting with Blair. He realized more and more how little he wanted to spend time at the paper and how much he wanted to do other things.

He hadn’t seen Blair do much with her jewelry designs yet. She always seemed to be busy running the kids here and there or cooking dinner or something equally domestic. He wanted to support her and have a more hands off approach to the paper. The paper… he’d already built that and then rebuilt it and rebuilt it again. It was churning along nicely and even had been at the forefront of the Internet news. He didn’t need to baby sit it.

He wanted to coach Sam’s soccer team once he figured out how the hell the game was played. He wanted to coach Hope when she was big enough to play, which would be soon given the way she growing. He wanted to know how to make chocolate chip pancakes and surprise Blair. He wanted to be a husband and a father and a grandmother. He didn’t want to hide in his office until Blair came looking for him; thinking that some business was more important than his family.

Todd wanted to be the man his boys could look up to; that his daughter could be proud of; that his wife loved and admired.

Blair had fallen asleep and he leaned over to kiss her on the cheek then pulled the covers over the both of them. He was determined. They would get to the bottom of the information Victor had given them and then he was going to live his life; the life so many had tried to take from him.

He had new goals now.


	71. Chapter 71

Todd started making changes as soon as he got to the paper. Under the guise of focusing on family at the holidays, he told his editors that he was going to pull back into a more hands off style. He liked the way the paper was going, he thought everyone had good grasps of their respective areas and he trusted the direction his managing editor was taking. He told them that he would be in the office a couple of days a week to oversee the things he needed to handle himself but the rest was in their hands.

Unless he noticed that he would need to step in again.

He left that vague threat hanging in the air and went for a drive. How he ended up at Animal Services he still wasn’t sure but he’d been thinking about the house and the kids and the talk he had with Sam about picking your own family… maybe he wanted a pet to complete the picture.

Neither Jack nor Sam had as much interest in the creepy crawlies that Starr did. Jack was actually creeped out by spiders and Todd wondered if that came from the time Starr dropped one in his crib. She maintained it was an accident and that Todd had startled her but it didn’t change the fact that maybe infant Jack didn’t much care for a spider skittering over him. Sam’s love of Spider Man did not seem to extend to the actual arachnids. Jack actually loved horses like his mother did and Sam didn’t seem to have a preference.

The young woman who greeted him asked him if he was looking for anything in particular.

“Not really,” Todd sighed. “Just… a nice pet to take home to the family. I don’t know if we’re ready for a dog but…”

“We have cats,” she said with a smile and led him into the hallway where a number of cages housed various felines. She explained the stories of the different animals and Todd noted that other people had come into the building and were listening to her talk about the cats in that hallway.

“This is Philly,” she said when they got to one cage. “He’s our Pet of the Month which means we waive the adoption fee.”

He peered in to see a fluffy grey cat hunkered in the back of the cage.

“Sometimes animals don’t do well in cages,” the woman said quietly.

Todd felt his throat tighten as he looked at the small creature. The cat’s greenish eyes stared back at him. “What’s this?” He pointed to a picture on the front of the cage. It seemed to be the cat in the cage but he was on someone’s lap, laying on his back with his front legs stretched out… it was a very different picture from the thing huddled in the cage as far back as he could go.

“That’s what he’s really like,” she explained, opening the cage and reaching in.

The cat was actually a pretty big one, although the amount of fur probably added to his size. He was docile and continued to stare at Todd with big greenish eyes as the woman took him to a different room beckoning for Todd to follow. The thing was, Todd already knew he was taking the cat home. The moment she said he didn’t do well in cages… well, Todd understood that all too well.

The woman gestured to a chair and as soon as Todd sat in it, she put the cat in his lap. “Just pet him, scratch him behind the ears and you’ll see the real Philly.”

The moment Todd stroked the cat he felt and heard the rumbling purr. Philly settled himself in his lap happily and then flopped over onto his side, pressing his head against Todd’s hand.

“I’ll take him.”

The woman who worked there got teary immediately. “Hey fella, you’ve got a home!” She looked at Todd again. “I’m so happy. He’s a great little guy and deserves the best.” She bustled around, sniffing as she held back her tears, to get the paperwork. 

Todd dropped several hundred dollar bills on the counter. “Consider the adoption fee waived for these other guys, too.”

The chorus of thank yous faded as he looked into the carrier they put Philly in so he could go home with Todd. “No more cages for you,” he said softly. The cat blinked at him but huddled in the back all the same.

The pet store Todd went to next with a mewling carrier were more than happy to accommodate his needs. By the time Todd was headed home he had food, a litter box and litter, a cat bed, a small scratching post and a ridiculous amount of toys. He also had a cat tree on order.

Now it was a question of convincing Blair that this was the right idea. He knew she’d relent the moment he told her about the cages.

==================================

“What is _that_?” Blair pointed at the mewing carrier.

“It’s Philly,” Todd said plainly.

“It’s a cat, isn’t it?” Blair did not look pleased at all.

“I need help with these bags,” Todd explained. “Let’s set him up in the guest room so he can acclimate a bit before the boys come home.”

“Shouldn’t you have talked to me about this first?” Blair asked.

“That’s not how surprises work.”

“Todd…” Blair picked up the bags and followed him. “Pets are a lot of work. The lizards were one thing… they stayed in a cage…”

“Jack and Sam aren’t interested in lizards and snakes,” Todd pointed out, his voice a little sharper than he meant at the mention of cages. “If they were, we’d have them already.”

They went into the guest room and Todd took the cat out of the carrier holding him on his lap. The cat pressed close, looking around the new environment warily but didn’t move when Todd stroked his fur again.

“He’s got green eyes just like you,” Todd told Blair.

She raised an eyebrow at him.

“He was huddled in the back of the cage,” Todd explained. “Other cats were curious, wanting to see, but he was in the back… They were really trying to do right by him, waiving his adoption fee and putting a picture on the front of his cage to show how friendly he actually was. The woman who worked there said…” his throat tightened again. “She said ‘some animals don’t do well in cages.’”

Blair’s entire face changed. “Oh,” she said softly. If there was one thing that would get to Todd, it was bad reaction to being in a cage. She sat down on the bed next to Todd and held her hand out for the cat to sniff. He did and then butted his head gently against hers to encourage petting. “He _is_ kind of cute.”

“I was telling Sam that sometimes you pick your family and… I figured that it would be a good thing for Sam to have something like this guy to focus on with his birthday and Christmas coming up… you know, since we know he’s not going to be getting anything from Victor.”

“That makes sense,” Blair nodded though she wondered if this cat would also be something for Todd to focus on as well.

“Besides,” Todd joked. “Don’t all supervillains have cats?” He stroked the cat in his lap. “No, Mister Bond… I expect you to _die_!”

Blair leaned her head on Todd’s shoulder. “I’m not going to be responsible for the litter box.”

“Yes dear,” Todd replied softly. He set the cat on the bed and got up. “So the girl at the pet store where I got all the supplies said that we shouldn’t overwhelm him too much so let’s leave him in here and he can sniff around and feel comfortable. He’ll start exploring when he gets to know the place.”

They went out into the front room and looked out the windows. “Looks like it might snow again,” Blair said softly.

Todd grunted in response, holding her hand and bringing it to his lips. “I’m stepping back from the paper.”

Blair turned to look at him, eyes wide. “What?”

“It’s not doing it for me.”

Blair couldn’t even comprehend that. “I know we talked about you being a bit less involved before Halloween… I honestly wasn’t expecting you to step back completely. You love that paper!”

He shrugged. “I love other things more,” he looked at her. “Like you and the kids. When I’m there, I want to be here… I want to be with them… I want to start a new chapter and focus on the things that really matter. I told you that before.” He paused before bursting out with, “Do you think I could coach Sam’s soccer team in the Spring?”

Blair stared. “This… all sounds frighteningly _normal_.”

Todd grinned. “I don’t have much experience with fathers,” he sighed. “Even if Victor wasn’t a deranged pervert all the stories say he wasn’t exactly a loveable type of father. More of that Lord of the Manor shit, I guess. Peter was an abusive piece of shit and lived to make me fear him. And Sam… given my situation at home, of course I thought Sam was my hero… it’s only looking back on it and seeing how he was with his own kids that I realize he didn’t exactly do right by me, either.” He stared at her hard, his tongue snaking behind his lips the way it did when he was chewing on hard truths. “My own career as a father hasn’t been all that great.”

“Todd…” Blair replied weakly. She wanted so badly to reassure him but, the truth was, he hadn’t been much of a father figure before. “You love your kids.”

A humorless chuckle escaped him. “Well, that’s something you can say about me that you really can’t about Peter… you can’t say it about Victor, either. What he did… sure as hell wasn’t love…”

“No, it wasn’t,” Blair agreed, her voice barely above a whisper.

“When I took Starr from you when she was still a baby, I left most of her care to a nanny… or rather a constantly changing fleet of them. Delgado did about as much as I did, really… And when Starr was older, I wanted too much to be the fun parent to be an actual parent… and I did my best to turn her against you when we weren’t getting along,” Todd squeezed her hand against his chest.

“Those days are done, Todd,” Blair told him, reaching with her other hand to stroke his scarred cheek. “You can’t dwell on them.”

“I can’t forget them,” Todd pressed. “How am I going to do better if I forget?”

It was a reasonable point. “Your problem, Todd,” she moved closer to him, “is that you mistake never forgetting with never moving forward. Didn’t we have this conversation when we talked about you and Marty?”

Todd scowled. “Are you any better?” He dropped her hand, gripping her shoulders and pushing her back to look in her eyes. “You bury things so deep and plow forward, intent on forgetting… forgetting any way you can… or at least refusing to remember. How long did you keep that secret about Asa? And when it finally did come out… we had to dig through the mess like it was twenty years of infection on top of a wound… how is that better?”

They stared at each other for several moments.

“Okay,” Blair sighed. “So we’re two extremes… I guess it’s just one of many things that means we belong together.”

Todd smiled slightly and raised one hand, touching his index finger to her lips. “I like that.”

“Like what?”

“Hearing you say that we belong together,” his smile broadened. “You’re not the one to say it. I’m the one telling you, trying to convince you after I’ve done something terrible, usually.”

Blair stepped forward, tucking her nose against his ear and clasping her arms around him. She sighed softly as she felt his arms encircle her. “Of course we belong together,” she told him. “Of course I know that… why else would we keep coming back to each other? Even after all we’ve done to each other… nothing else is _right_. Some people would say we’re just a habit and a bad one at that but we’re not. We’re _not_. Habits are easy to fall into; we… we just _aren’t_. Nothing about us was ever easy.” She pulled back to look him in the eye again. “Except for falling in love… That was the easiest thing I ever did, falling in love with you. It’s why I didn’t trust it for so long. I didn’t think it was supposed to be that simple.

“If you want to pull back from the paper, then that’s what you should do,” she touched his face, kissing him then embracing him again. “Even if you’re going to be underfoot and in my way all the time.”

“I’ll be an awful nuisance to you,” he agreed.

“Fine,” her arms tightened around him. “Being a nuisance is loads better than being without you. I’ll try to remember that as you’re getting used to not being at the office all hours of the day. But can you do me a favor and at least _consult_ me before you get another pet?”

==================================================

Todd introduced the boys to Philly before dinner, making that a reasonable way to let them leave the cat alone after what must have been a rather shocking day for the furry being. Sam peppered Todd with all sorts of questions about Philly specifically and cats in general throughout the meal. 

Jack seemed pleased with the new arrival and Blair recalled suddenly that Jack always had a friendly scratch or stroke for the barn cats at the country club. She felt remorse at not coming up with this before. Perhaps a pet would have been more solace when the boys needed it during the more tumultuous recent years. She had always had so much to deal with on her own that she never thought of adding to it. And neither one of them were as open about demanding things as Starr had been.

Blair had business at the club that night so she got dressed and gave all of her men a kiss before leaving them to amuse each other.

Capricorn was slightly less crowded than usual even for a Monday night but the on-coming threat of snow probably kept some people inside. Blair made her rounds, sang a few songs, and entertained customers at table and bar. Once things started ebbing towards closing, she went to her office to go over facts and figures and discuss things with her manager.

It was very late when she went back upstairs. The chandelier was low so she could see and the only thing stirring was the cat, who sat perched on the back of the couch watching her as she came in. She approached him slowly and held her hand out for him to sniff.

“You know, you really are kind of cute,” she said softly, scratching the ruff of fur around his neck.

He purred loudly in response.

“Not happy in a cage and not particularly engaging to people who might adopt you? I can see why Todd wanted to bring you home. He related and so do I,” she gave the purring creature several long strokes down his back. “Guess you fit into the Mannings, huh? Well, enjoy your first night here, fella.” She slipped off her shoes and went upstairs.

Jack and Sam were both sacked out as they should have been at this time of night. Todd was also asleep when she came into the room though he stirred when she closed their door. She went to the bathroom to get ready for bed, leaving the door open a crack in case he felt like talking.

These peaceful moments were a strange thing even as they settled into life in the new house as a family but Blair felt as though this was something to get used to. She brushed her hair and moisturized letting the club fall away. It was refreshing to be able to wash off the day with her nightly rituals and look forward to climbing into bed with Todd, nestling in his arms and resting. Even the restless nights were better than what she had before his return.

When she reached the bed, Todd stirred again, shifting to pull the covers back for her. As she dropped onto the mattress, he drew her to him with one arm and covered them again with the other. “There she is,” he murmured. “There’s my woman.”

Blair smiled as she listened to his breathing deepen again as he drifted to sleep. This was everything that was worth fighting for. They were going to put Eileen Klovis and everything she did to rest… it was just a matter of how.

Blair had ideas about that but for now she was going to rest in the arms of the man she loved.

===================================================

Jack came down the stairs the next morning and noted Philly stretched out in a shaft of sunlight on the floor. The cat looked up as he tromped down the stairs, watching him for several moments before laying his head back down to bask some more.

Sam was seated in the breakfast area eating waffles and Todd was fixing up a second plate fresh from the toaster oven.

“Just in time,” Todd set the plate down and moved the syrup over so Jack could put it on himself.

Jack rubbed his eyes, he was fairly certain he was dreaming. “Where’s Mom?”

“Sleeping,” Todd explained. “She was at the club late last night so I’m in charge of feeding you boys and getting you off to school.”

“This is weird,” Jack grumbled taking a bite of waffle.

“I think it’s awesome,” Sam rebutted. “You think so, too. Right, Philly?” He looked over his shoulder at the cat in the sunbeam.

Philly flicked his tail lazily.

“That means yes,” Sam interpreted.

“Really weird,” Jack confirmed.

“Get used to it,” Todd told him. “Nothing wrong with the man of the house doing some of the feeding and take care of things. Manning Men are not Neanderthals.”

Jack gave his father a droll look. “Really,” he didn’t seem remotely convinced.

Todd scowled slightly. “All right, Manning Men know how to become more enlightened. Think of this as a Renaissance sort of thing.”

“What does that mean?” Sam asked.

“It means I’m going to be making breakfast for you on a regular basis.”

“Waffles?” Jack asked. “From a toaster oven?”

“You can make your own breakfast,” Todd suggested cheerfully. “I’ll drag you out of bed early so you can feed yourself.”

Jack finished eating rather than reply.

The buzzer sounded and Todd went to see who was there. Sean had arrived to take the boys to school and Todd let him up the elevator. He got Sam’s backpack and lunch while Jack got his own.

“Did you make the lunches?” Jack asked, giving his brown paper bag a wary look.

“No,” Todd assured him. “The chef at Capricorn did.”

Jack looked relieved.

Todd vowed to learn how to make something that didn’t require a microwave and surprise Jack with it someday soon. He answered the door when Sean arrived and gave Sam a hug, then squeezed Jack’s shoulder. “Hey. Your mother and I love you guys. Have a good day.”

Jack closed the door behind them, leaning back into the room as he did with a dramatic stage whisper. “Really, _really_ weird.”

Well, maybe it was, Todd acknowledged to himself. But it was also pretty awesome. He put the breakfast dishes in the sink and then went upstairs to rejoin Blair in bed.

Very awesome indeed.

======================================

“You taste like maple syrup,” Blair murmured happily, wrapped in Todd’s arms and post-coital bliss.

Todd merely grunted in response.

“So far, the decision to pull back from the Sun has only resulted in you making the boys breakfast, which I was very grateful for, and now you don’t seem to be in any hurry to get out of bed,” Blair remarked.

“Is that bad?”

“Did I say it was?”

Todd snuggled deeper under the covers with her. “So… let’s be lazy today. Why not?”

Blair was quiet. She rested her hand on Todd’s forearm, letting her fingers drift over his skin.

After a moment, he opened his eyes. “What?”

“What what?”

“You’re being quiet.”

“I’m enjoying the moment,” she batted his arm. “Thinking about way way way back when… when we would spend all day in bed.”

“If I remember correctly,” he offered. “Whenever I would start to talk about getting up and going to work, you’d do some crazy sexual thing and distract me.”

“If _I_ remember correctly,” she teased back. “It wasn’t all that _hard_ to distract you.”

“Do you mind this?”

“No,” she assured him. “I like the chance to indulge in the arms of my lover.”

Todd laced their fingers together, nuzzling her behind the ear, and indulged with her.

“I think we should look into this Eileen Klovis person,” Blair said.

Todd groaned. “No… absolutely not… we are not talking about that while we’re in bed together!”

“Oh well,” Blair shifted to sit up moving towards the edge of the bed. “If that’s the rule…”

“Not so fast!” Todd reached out and grabbed her shoulder, pulling her back down on the bed and swinging one leg over her to keep her there. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Blair giggled as his lips travelled up her neck and across her cheek to her mouth. “Now who’s distracting who?”

“You’re not mad,” he nibbled on her chin. “You’re about to be a lot less mad…”

No, she wasn’t mad at all. Blair happily submitted for a good long while.

=======================================

“You’re my favorite kisser,” she whispered much later.

“I better be,” he remarked, his tone teasing. “And I’d kiss you more but I’m starving.”

Blair felt a distinct hollowness in her own stomach and nodded as she got out of bed. “Does this mean we can talk about Eileen Klovis?”

“Why do you insist on ruining the mood?”

“Because we need to talk about her.”

Todd grunted as he put on his pajama bottoms and a sleeveless undershirt. Here he was, trying to enjoy his life and Blair kept butting in with serious crap.

“You should talk to Viki… and Tina, too, I guess.”

“What?” That surprised him. “You want me to talk to Tina?!” He moved toward her and put his hand on her forehead. “Are you all right? Are you seeing red? How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Stop it,” she batted his hand away. “We just got news that it wasn’t actually Irene who did all of this horrible stuff. Don’t you think you should tell your sisters?”

“Honey,” he said sweetly. “I don’t know what caused this mental break but I’m really really sorry. Please come back to me.”

“You’re such an asshole.”

“You’re back!”

Blair gave him a shove when they got to the bottom of the stairs but he caught her and kissed her neck.

“You can’t blame me for thinking it’s weird that you want me to talk to Tina about this.”

“She’s thinking that her mother lied about having cancer so she could dump her in Viki’s lap and create a rogue CIA agency,” Blair pointed out. “Look, I have no use for Tina… none… she’ll probably take this information and still manage to turn it around to make herself the poor, lost girl that Victor never acknowledged… it’s just… I’ve got a soft spot when it comes to mothers, okay?”

Todd sighed heavily as he rooted around the refrigerator. “If I agree to go talk to them, will you make your chicken salad?”

“I shouldn’t have to bribe you to talk to your sisters about this awful Klovis woman.”

“Well, I’m a work in progress,” Todd grinned. “Besides, you’re not bribing me to talk to my sisters, you’re bribing me to talk to Tina.”

“I just figure we need to exercise the rights to our family histories here,” Blair told him as she got the ingredients for said chicken salad. “Viki will probably be the one to know anything about the Klovis family but you never know when Tina might have a grain of useful information.”

“That’s a hell of a longshot, babe,” Todd remarked.

“I agree,” Blair nodded. “But you never know. Now, John was somehow connected to the cover story that Victor came to town on. He was still with the FBI then so he may know something. I’d really rather not go to Thomas for information if I can help it although maybe if I guilt John enough he’ll go to that well for us. Of course, there’s another avenue we can go down to get information.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re not going to like it.”

“How much am I not going to like it?”

“Junior Senator Dorian Lord.”

“You’re right. I don’t like it.”

Which was when their buzzer rang.


	72. Chapter 72

Todd sent Blair a wary look but went to answer the buzzer. “Yeah?”

“Todd?” Cassie’s voice sounded slightly out of breath on the speaker. “Is Blair there?”

“Sure,” Todd’s expression darkened a little. “Come on up.” The hairs on the back of his neck raised slightly.

Cassie knocked on the door moments later and Todd let her in. She took in their state of dress, Todd in his pajama pants and undershirt, Blair in her robe, and paused. “Am I interrupting?”

“Yes,” Todd replied.

“No,” Blair responded at the same time. “Come on in.”

Cassie dropped her purse on the table by the door. “Is it too early for wine?”

Blair and Todd exchanged looks. “What’s going on?” Blair asked.

“Mother will be here by the end of the week,” Cassie said bluntly. “And she’s ticked. She knows you and I have been putting her off about… well… everything and she knows that Todd has been hanging around because she got Kelly to spill about some pool party?” Cassie shrugged.

Blair groaned. “That little flea couldn’t keep her trap shut if her life depended on it. Of course she ratted me out! She always wants to be Dorian’s golden girl. God knows what else that bubble-head has yammered to Dorian about.”

“She said she expects us both to be there when she arrives.”

“She’s going to be disappointed,” Blair said firmly.

“This is your fault,” Todd told her.

“What?”

“You heard me! You said her name out loud! You probably conjured her up with your Cramer witchy powers!” He waggled his fingers to emphasise his point.

“She wasn’t going to stay in Washington forever,” Blair said defensively. “We knew this day would come! I’m just glad it’s when I’m out of the house.”

“So you leave me there to bear the brunt of it?” Cassie demanded. She turned her attention to Todd and practically screamed, “Wine!!!”

Todd went to open a bottle, holding the glass he poured out at arms length in case Cassie finally decided to use her Cramer claws on him.

“You can handle Dorian,” Blair insisted. “And if worse comes to worse, we have a guest room here you can find safe harbor in.”

“David’s coming, too,” Cassie continued dully.

Blair and Todd groaned in unison.

“ _That_ guy,” Todd groused. “You know, I always thought Dorian was sharp. I never expected her to fall for that gigolo for real.”

Blair and Cassie’s matching sour expressions suggested they felt the same way.

“Anyway,” Cassie perched on one of the barstools at the kitchen counter. “Mother is going to be very upset that a) you’ve moved out, b) you’re with Todd, c) you’re engaged and d) you haven’t informed her of _any of this_.”

“Yes, I imagine she will be,” Blair agreed focusing on the chicken salad again. “But she’s not going to be able to change anything about any of it.”

“She’ll like the ring though,” Todd quipped.

“Of course she’ll like the ring,” Cassie shot back, finishing her glass and holding it out for a refill. Todd obliged. “It’s beautiful and it’s top quality! It’s not your taste in jewelry she objects to, Todd. It’s everything else.”

“Well, I object to her, too.”

“We know Dorian’s not going to be happy,” Blair said, her voice calm as she continued making lunch. “That was never in question. That’s one reason I wanted to be moved in here before she decided to come back to town… so I wouldn’t have to hear about it every waking minute.”

“Instead, I get that pleasure,” Cassie sighed. “On the upside, I’m heading into New York right after Christmas to see River perform so I’ll get some respite. She’ll probably keep demanding to know why River isn’t staying through the holidays. Oh, why does she have to be so _difficult_?!”

“Because she’s Dorian,” Todd replied dryly. “And because she’s a gigantic control freak who fancies herself a puppet master and some sort of matriarch over a gaggle of women that she insists are strong but also believes are weak and stupid.”

Blair and Cassie stared at him.

“Well?” He insisted. “Think about it. All she does is talk about the “Cramer Women” and then goes on to divide you up between… what was it?” He looked at Blair.

“Fighters and feelers,” she nodded.

“But she never trusts any of you to actually choose a man for yourself,” Todd pointed out.

“Except for Joey,” Blair replied.

“That’s only because she screwed him,” Todd continued sourly.

“Yes,” Cassie nodded. “We’ve talked about this before.”

“This coven of yours really likes to share men,” Todd shuddered. “Dorian and Kelly both nailed Joey. You and Cassie and Kelly all nailed Kevin. David wanted to bang you,” he looked at Blair.

“He tried to seduce Kelly, too,” Blair agreed. “But the only one of us he got was Dorian.”

“He got a little too close to you for my comfort,” Todd replied darkly.

“Nothing happened,” Blair insisted. “Nothing was _going_ to happen. Why do you think I tied him up?”

Cassie looked vaguely ill remembering a lawyer that went through her and Dorian and Melinda as well.

“Well,” Todd said loftily. “I would just like to go on record as being a one Cramer man. I am off limits to everyone else.”

“You hit on Kelly,” Blair reminded him.

“I was faking being crazy,” Todd hissed. “I figured that was out of character enough for people to buy into my scam. That idiot wasn’t remotely attractive to me.”

“Victor was into her.”

“Victor’s a moron,” Todd said it in a manner that suggested that subject was closed.

“Anyway,” Cassie drawled out, “Mother has also said that she’s very specifically requested that Langston come home from Christmas. I think she wanted Adrianna here, too, but Adrianna told her Christmas wasn’t happening for her and that’s why Mother went to Paris for Thanksgiving.”

“I was thankful,” Todd muttered. He knew very little about the newer Cramer women except that Langston was Starr’s best friend and was living in California. No one in the family had much to say about Adrianna. He would have to start asking his children about her. He’d start with Jack who loved to be the one to impart new information about his scandalous family.

“River’s going to be here for Christmas, right?” Blair asked Cassie.

“Yes,” Cassie confirmed warily.

“Good,” Blair nodded. “And isn’t Kelly coming back with Zane, too?”

“Is Kelly back in London again? She and Joey seem to ping-pong back and forth, don’t they?”

“Of course she’s back in London. She would have to be across an ocean to work up the nerve to rat me out about a pool party that happened months ago.” Blair waved her hands in a ‘don’t get me started’ gesture. “Anyway, it will be up to us to make sure that the Cramer Women gatherings that Dorian likes to impose all have a healthy dose of testosterone through our boys.”

“Ew,” Todd responded. “Please don’t reference my testosterone in the same sentence as Auntie Darkness.”

Cassie and Blair raised eyebrows at him. It unnerved him a bit because Cassie was supposed to be the good one while Blair was anything but yet they shared similar expressions a lot of the time. Cassie’s were dark rather like her mother’s while Blair’s were gold and green but it was still weird how alike they could be at times.

“I thought we were going to have a family Christmas here at home,” Todd sidled up to Blair, putting his arms around her and kissing the tip of her nose.

“We are,” Blair nodded. “But Christmas is going to require visiting. Dorian will want a big family dinner. French of course.”

“And probably on Christmas Eve,” Cassie agreed. “Traditionally, the French had Christmas dinner after midnight mass but none of us are Catholic… or go to church anyway… and Adrianna says that dinner isn’t that late anymore in most places.” She looked at Todd. “I visited her last year.”

“Whatever,” he grumbled. “So what sort of meal can we expect at Dorian’s on Christmas Eve then? I need to know if I should eat beforehand or not.”

Cassie and Blair looked at each other as they filtered through the menu in their heads.

“Oysters,” Blair began. “With a dry white wine… I’m sure she’ll have brought loads of wine back from her November trip to France. Now that she’s a Senator she probably gets a very choice selection.”

“She’ll probably have other seafood for those that don’t like oysters,” Cassie nodded. “Coquille St. Jaques, too. She and David love that.”

“What the hell is that?” Todd asked.

“Scallops and mushrooms in a butter sauce,” Cassie explained. “Oh, she’ll definitely have foie gras.”

“That goes with a very sweet white wine,” Blair agreed. “She’ll probably have escargots, too. Especially if she knows you’re coming.” She grinned at Todd.

“ _Capon_ is generally the main meal,” Cassie continued.

“Mm-hmm, with your haricots verts, champignons, courgettes and des petits legumes,” Blair laughed.

“Your accent’s getting better,” Cassie remarked.

“My accent was always good,” Blair sniffed. “I just pronounce everything horribly to tick Dorian off. Sometimes passive aggressive is the only way with her.”

“After dinner is the cheese course,” Cassie smiled, looking more relaxed. “And then, of course, the Yule log dessert.”

“What’s _capon_?” Todd asked. The vegetables Blair listed he could figure out and had heard of. The main dish, not so much.

“Castrated rooster,” Cassie explained. Her lips twitching.

“Well, of course,” he nodded. “What else would Dorian serve?”

“Of course, Viki’s going to want us to come to Llanfair for her very, very English meal,” Blair sighed. “Which is just another round of food… goose or turkey, stuffing, potatoes and all that.”

“What are _we_ doing for Christmas?” Todd asked.

Blair was quiet as she finished the chicken salad and moved the bowl towards Todd. “Christmas Eve dinner at La Boulie. Christmas Day visit with Viki. Christmas morning here.”

“Shouldn’t we be making our own family traditions?”

“Sure,” Blair nodded. “But it’s your first Christmas back in eight years and we really did stay close to home for Thanksgiving. I figure it’s a good thing to visit the family we have at Christmas. That’s the point of the holiday, isn’t it?”

Todd shrugged and went about making a sandwich.

“Have you two set a date yet?” Cassie asked.

“Nooo,” Blair hedged. “Not exactly… it hasn’t really come up.”

“That’s odd.”

Blair looked at her cousin. “Why do you say that?”

“You tend to have _very_ short engagements,” Cassie pointed out. “The first time you two ran off to Key West. The second time you seemed to get annulled, reconciled, engaged and married within a couple of weeks! Then there was the wedding Todd got all of us together for when that same day you were trying to run off to Switzerland. I’m sure there’s another in there that was put together on the fly. Typically, your engagements are hour long affairs.”

Blair and Todd exchanged looks.

“She has a point,” Todd conceded.

“Well, to be honest, I’m a little surprised you haven’t conjured up one of your amazing insta-weddings!”

“I thought about it,” Todd scratched his neck, “but I don’t really want to do that.”

“What _do_ you want to do?”

“I want you to get the most amazing dress ever,” he said. “This is it for us. We aren’t splitting up ever again so everything that we didn’t do right the last dozen or so times we’re getting right this time. The kids will all be there. We’ll have a reception with all the trimmings and we’ll pick out a song to dance to and all that crap. And I’m taking you on a two week honeymoon afterwards because you’ve been cheated out on way too many of those.” Todd glanced at Cassie. “You’ll have to watch the kids for us.”

Cassie’s eyebrows raised slightly but she didn’t argue.

“So when were you thinking of doing this?” Blair asked.

“February 15.”

“The day _after_ Valentine’s Day?” Cassie asked.

“Oh Todd,” Blair breathed, her eyes going soft. She moved forward to hug him tightly. “That’s so sweet.”

“What’s sweet?” Cassie asked. “What’s going on?”

“That’s the day we got married the first time,” Blair cooed as she pulled back, still gazing at Todd warmly.

“Well,” Cassie nodded. “That actually _is_ sweet. And it does give you time to plan.”

“Gives you time to make our wedding bands, too,” Todd smiled at Blair.

She blushed.

“No, go ahead,” Cassie said dryly. “Stand there and be cute at each other while I try to figure out how to deal with Mother’s wrath when she arrives.”

“Oh please,” Blair scoffed. “You’ve been dealing with Dorian longer than any of us. You’re well versed at going toe to toe with her.”

Cassie shrugged. “I feel it would be easier if I didn’t have her clown prince at her side making commentary the whole time.”

“Punch him,” Blair suggested before reconsidering. “Although I socked him in the jaw once and it didn’t even shut him up.”

“Right hook?” Todd asked.

She nodded.

“Well, that’s just embarrassing,” he griped. “You nailed me with one and knocked me out for a couple of seconds. David could take it?”

“He’s taller, I’m out of practice and I guess flapping his jaw constantly actually strengthens it. Besides, a gigolo like him should be able to take a few punches.”

Todd huffed anyway none too pleased at the idea that David could take a hit better than he could. “I played football!”

“A lifetime ago,” Blair pointed out. “Besides, I said I was out of practice.”

“What, you were sparring regularly when you socked me?”

“When I socked you, I thought you were Max,” Blair shot back. “It had a bit more oomph to it.”

Todd looked reasonably satisfied with that.

Cassie spent the rest of the day there. They had lunch together, drank more wine, and talked about Sam’s upcoming birthday party (to be held at Capricorn during the day with good food and a movie), ideas for Christmas presents and shared stories of Dorian’s greatest hits. While it was an enjoyable day, it was also informative. Cassie got to see how Todd and Blair were around each other now that they were officially together and moved into the new place. She couldn’t remember things ever being better.

The closest she could recall was when they were rushing to the altar for their second marriage. Even then, Todd was reserved despite the fact that his demeanor was one of hope. She remembered him sitting on the couch next to Blair at the rectory and everything about him had been lighter than she had ever known. Cassie loved her cousin Blair, she was a rare one, unique in every way. She supposed it made sense that Blair would be able to shine a light on Todd Manning, of all people.

But none of that compared to now. Todd sat close to Blair on the couch. His fingers absently played with the tendrils of her hair. When a story was told that he found particularly endearing, he’d squeeze her against him and kiss her on the cheek or the top of her head. He smiled a lot. Cassie didn’t remember Todd ever smiling… not really. She recalled a strange sort of soft grimace that tended to be as close as he came.

These were legitimate smiles. Cassie couldn’t remember ever seeing Todd’s teeth before! There was a softness in his voice when he spoke to Blair and he even laughed; good-natured laughing as opposed to directed at someone else. Cassie figured that eight years imprisonment would change a person and from what Blair had confided in her, Todd’s time was harrowing on a good day. It seemed he was determined to let go of what had always held him back before.

Cassie knew that Blair loved Todd. She had known it for a long time. She never really understood it but she knew that’s how Blair felt. More than that, Blair and Todd were one of those ‘true love’ situations where no one else would do for either one. It was a strange thing to see it in person with two people as fallible as they.

And now they had a pet! Not a collection of reptiles the way it was during Starr’s reign but an actual fluffy gray cat who tucked his feet under him as he nestled in front of the fireplace, or casually strolled about swishing his tail, or hopped up on the couch next to Todd and Blair butting them with his head to demand a chin scratch.

When the kids returned home from school, Sam was happy to see Cassie and ran to hug her, chattering about school and cartoons and basically looking the absolute picture of a happy and contented little boy. Jack took in his parents’ state of dress and groaned loudly. muttering about whether or not he’d be able to keep his after-school snack down and wondering why couldn’t they behave like other parents. Todd and Blair playfully ignored him while Sam got on the floor and imitated the positions Philly would stretch into.

The cat seemed to enjoy that, flipping onto his back and waiting for Sam to do the same before rolling over, then rolling over again and meowing. Sam mimicked him as best as he could before reaching forward and scratching the cat behind the ears. Philly purred loudly and Sam beamed.

Blair looked delighted as she bumped Todd’s shoulder. Cassie noted the significant looks they exchanged.

“Well, it looks like Aunt Dorian is going to be here in time for your birthday,” Blair told her youngest son cheerfully.

“Awesome!” Sam barely glanced up from playing with the cat.

Jack drifted over. “Aunt Dorian’s coming back to town?” He looked hard at his parents trying to get a bead on how they really felt.

“It is closing in on Christmas,” Todd pointed out. “Speaking of which, shouldn’t we have a tree by now?”

“We decorate after Sam’s birthday,” Blair explained. “That way he doesn’t feel overshadowed. So I want all of my strong men to be ready to carry a big, old tree in on Sunday! You may have to help Starr carry hers, too.”

“Doesn’t she already have a big strong man?” Jack asked.

“Travis is back at school,” Blair reminded him. “But I imagine we’ll see him again over the holidays.” She looked at Cassie. “River _is_ coming for Christmas, right? I can’t even remember what you said earlier…”

Cassie nodded. “He is. I have the whole week before Christmas with him before we head back into the city for New Years.”

“Starr will be thrilled,” Blair smiled. “She used to love playing with her cousin River.”

“I think it will be nice to have so much family together again,” Cassie agreed. “We’ve been spread out for so long now and this looks to be a very good Christmas.” She eyed Todd in particular. “No one’s planning any overseas trips are they?”

“Not alone,” Todd answered, looking at Blair. “Not again.”

It was a good answer.


	73. Chapter 73

Todd knocked on the door to Llanfair, then leaned on the doorbell, then knocked again in rapid succession.

Lois answered the door looking as unflappable as ever.

Blair wondered if that was a natural born gift or trained as they were shown in.

“Are my sisters here?” Todd asked abruptly. “The matriarch and the idiot?”

Lois’ eyes flickered quickly at Blair but Blair didn’t make any attempt to quell Todd’s obnoxious tendencies. If Lois didn’t understand Todd’s behavior then that was her problem. It’s not like he was doing anything new.

Blair knew that it all stemmed from Todd’s deep dislike of Llanfair as Victor Lord’s ancestral home. He hated the monster his father was, he hated what he had done to his sister, and, as he confessed to Blair, he hated the decor with such a raging passion that he was certain he had developed an allergy.

As if on cue, Todd started sneezing. “Where are they?!” He demanded.

Lois sniffed but led him to the library to open the door.

A fairly full population was in residence. Clint, Viki, Cord and Tina were all sitting together chatting. Todd walked into the middle of the room and pointed at each of his sisters. “I need to talk you. Now. In private.”

Blair hid a smile at Todd’s brusqueness. She found it something of a turn on but she knew that this particularly instance was because he was very uncertain as to what the conversation would entail. When it came to those missing eight years and the person responsible, Todd was very much in the dark and fearful that he would remain so.

As such, he was curt and rude to the very people he was seeking help from.

Predictably, Tina refused. “I can’t think of anything I’d want to talk to you about in private or in public!” She folded her arms and tossed her head, deliberately looking away from him.

“Todd, what’s this about?” Viki asked with a mild eye roll in Tina’s direction.

“It’s about Irene.”

Tina stood up. “What about my mother?”

“ _Our_ mother,” Todd corrected her. “And this is in private. Whatever the hell you two tell your cowboys is up to you later. Right now, it’s solely for the spawn of Victor Lord.”

“Very well,” Viki rose to her feet. “We can speak in the conservatory.”

The three of them left, which meant that Blair remained with Clint and Cord.

Clint harrumphed and made a show of becoming engrossed in his paper. Blair was fine with that, the last thing she wanted to do was make small talk with him. Cord gathered up the glasses left behind and motioned Blair to follow him.

“I figured this would be a bit more friendly,” he said as he motioned her towards the small table in the kitchen.

“You figured right,” Blair sat down with a heavy sigh.

“Everything okay?” Cord asked.

“Life,” Blair shrugged. “Especially Todd’s and mine, will always be complicated. And, unfortunately, this visit has to do with Victor and Irene and all that mess.”

“Both of which are plenty complicated, too,” Cord nodded. He sat down at the table across from her. “Well, I heard there was happy news,” he indicated to the sparkling diamonds on her finger. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Blair smiled as she looked at the ring.

“Have you set a date?”

“February 15,” Blair nodded. “Todd wanted us to get married the same day we got married the first time.”

“Oh,” there was a strange tone in Cord’s voice when he said that.

Blair closed her eyes. “Oh, Cord… I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about, Blair,” he told her. “It was a long time ago.”

====================================

Tina was gearing up for a long tirade about nothing whatsoever. She chattered the whole way to the conservatory about Todd just showing up unannounced and making everyone stop what they were doing to cater to him and how even though none of them were raised together he still wound up being the spoiled baby of the family.

Once Viki and Tina sat down, Tina still yammering away, Todd plowed forward. “I got a letter from Victor.”

“Why would he write to you?” Tina demanded. “Why would he write to you and not to any of us?” She gestured between herself and Viki.

“Because neither of you were the ones he replaced for eight years!” Todd yelled before collecting himself. “He said a lot of things in the letter but one of the most important things was that Irene wasn’t really Irene.”

That actually stopped Tina for more than five seconds.

“What do you mean?” Viki asked.

“He names his mother as a woman named Eileen Klovis,” Todd continued before Tina could take a breath. “Yet another woman that Victor was sticking it to… seriously, when did he have time to amass his fortune when he had all these mistresses about?”

As usual, the expression on Viki’s face when the hint of Victor’s sex life came up was haunted.

Todd was immediately remorseful. “Viki… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.” _Especially not those memories_ , he finished silently. He tried not to think about Viki’s life with their father given how perverse and damaging it was. He remained consistently amazed that his sister turned out to be as good as she was.

Viki waved a hand dismissively. “Unfortunately, everything connected to Father back then is something of a bad memory. I have long since learned to deal with it but you’ll pardon me if I don’t start speculating too much about his… habits.”

“Fair enough,” Todd shrugged. “So, do either of you remember the name Klovis? The letter from Junior said that the family was well connected in government.”

“Oh my goodness,” Viki sighed as she sat back to think. “That would have been a very long time ago. Klovis… I remember Father having dinners with a Walter Klovis when I was younger. Oh yes, I recall him saying he had a daughter my age but I never met her.”

“Well, that means the people exist and if he had a daughter your age it falls under the old man’s… preferences…” Todd sighed and then glanced at Tina.

It was an unusual sight to see Tina being so quiet and also thinking so hard. Todd was about to suggest she not strain anything but held his tongue. Tina thinking this hard over _anything_ made him consider the fact that she might have something informative to say. Stranger things had happened.

“Tina?” Viki had also noticed her sister’s silence.

Tina looked at Viki, her eyes wide. “I think I remember something…”

========================================

A hint of color rose in Blair’s cheeks as the details surrounding her first marriage to Todd flooded her mind. “I didn’t handle things very well back then.” she admitted. “I had my reasons and I certainly thought they were good at the time. I regret hurting you, though. You didn’t deserve that.”

“It was a long time ago, Blair,” Cord repeated softly. “It’s okay.”

She frowned slightly. “I’ve often thought about those days… wondering if I could have dealt with it all differently; wondering how things may have changed. I don’t think it would have been all that different, though.” She looked at Cord. “I just can’t imagine a world where I don’t love Todd.”

Cord understood that very well, thinking of Todd’s very volatile sister.

Blair smiled. “In a way, it’s kind of strange to me that Todd would pick February 15 for our wedding day given that I was lying to him at the time. And it’s not like it was this beautiful, magical turnaround the minute we came back… it was awkward and strange and our friendship was really on the brink, at least that’s how it felt. He certainly didn’t seem to feel much better about it all at the time.”

“Why do you think Todd wants to marry you on that day then?”

“Because it really was the start of something amazing for both of us…” Blair studied her ring. “You know, a lot of people don’t believe this but Todd is actually very romantic.” She glanced up to see Cord’s skeptical face. She knew that the majority of people didn’t see Todd’s sensitive, sentimental side but it irritated her anyway. “Don’t look so surprised!”

“Romantic is not a word I would ever use to describe Todd,” he admitted.

“But he is,” Blair insisted. “In all of those little ways that mean the most. I mean, yes, he’ll black out a city just to give me a fireworks show but it was always more than that. He always remembers my favorite flower, he remembers the time we went sledding together and always teases me about doing it again, he knows how much I love chocolate chip pancakes, how I like sappy movies… I mean, do you really think that I’d keep coming back to Todd if it were just the bad stuff?”

“I think you’ve always been very good at compartmentalizing things,” Cord told her. “You were never what I’d ever have called predictable. You always walked your own path and it usually seemed to be the most difficult path to get the things you wanted.”

“Todd and I are a lot alike in that way,” Blair said.

“I suppose so,” Cord nodded. He was quiet for a moment before he looked at her seriously. “Would you have ever told me about what Asa did to you?”

Blair stared at him for several moments. “I certainly never _planned_ to,” she said. “Hell, I never planned to say _anything_. Ever. It just slipped out. Besides,” she looked at her hands. “You had a good relationship with Asa. I wouldn’t have wanted to ruin that for you.”

Cord didn’t seem to know how to respond to that.

“I never even knew my father,” Blair said softly. “But when I discovered what he had done to my mother… everything changed for me. Once upon a time, I had hoped that he would come looking for me one day but after that… I wished he was dead and I hoped to never see or know him. You found out about this after Asa died and I think I’m glad for that…”

“How can you say that? Shouldn’t I have been able to confront Asa about that myself?”

“I saw my daughter realize what her father had done to Marty,” Blair replied. “I think it’s probably best the way it worked out for you. Besides, it’s not like Asa would have ever acknowledged that he did anything wrong.”

Cord nodded slowly at that.

“Sometimes, I wish that Todd and I could go away… or that we had gone away years ago… someplace where no one knew us or our pasts and we could have raised our kids outside of Llanview where everyone knows everything we’ve ever done,” Blair shrugged. “But would it have even worked? Would it have been better? I don’t know. It’s a nice thought, though. You have your life with Asa completely untouched by knowing what he did to me. That’s actually kind of nice, don’t you think?”

“I think you’re being kinder to him that he deserved.”

“He’s dead,” Blair said flatly. “No point in holding a grudge now. I did that while he was alive. He earned it and I was glad to do it. I would have watched him breathe out his last in that stupid cabin and it would have made me very happy but my rage at Asa belonged to me. It wasn’t yours… I think families are too important to sabotage them that way. Besides, as much as I hated Asa… I cared about you way too much to hurt you like that.”

Cord smiled. “People really don’t give you enough credit, Blair,” he said. “You have an amazing capacity for kindness… I’ll never understand why you hide it so much.”

“Most people would think that I’m up to something.”

“Even now?” Cord asked. “After all of this time? It’s not like you’ve been gunning for everyone the entire time you’ve been here. Hell, from what I’ve heard you’ve had more done to you than anything else the past decade or so.”

“A reputation is a hard thing to shake in this town,” Blair shrugged. “What’s more, it’s all about whether you’re among the ‘accepted’ flavor or not. I’m a gold-digging Cramer whore,” Blair winked. “There’s no getting over that.”

=====================================

“Mother was away,” Tina recalled. “I remember she said she had errands but I know, looking back, she was at the doctor’s. It wasn’t long before she passed… or at least I thought she had.

“A woman came to the door and she asked for Mother. When I told her she wasn’t home and asked her her name, she said it was Eileen Klovis. She stared at me, she seemed really interested in me… and she said she was a friend of my father’s. At the time, I thought she meant Ted. I mean, that’s who I thought my father was! And you know, I didn’t even think of her again for a long time… after Mother died and I was sent here to Llanfair well, I was just preoccupied with other things. Every now and then I’d remember that visit and wonder who she really was…” Tina looked at Todd curiously.

“According to Victor, Eileen was his mother. She was the one that held me hostage and tortured me and she was the one I killed. Which means…”

“That it wasn’t Irene at all,” Viki finished, a wondering tone in her voice.

Todd nodded. “So she didn’t fake her death… she actually did die of cancer.”

“Do you have the letter?” Viki asked.

Todd nodded again and pulled it out of his jacket pocket.

Tina leaned close so she could read the letter along with Viki.

Todd had never put much thought into whether or not he and his siblings resembled each other but watching Tina and Viki… their brows furrowing, lips turning into thoughtful frowns, it was a little eerie and he wondered how he resembled the two of them. He didn’t like to think that he resembled Tina at all but they _were_ full siblings. He saw similarities in Jack and Starr a lot and even saw behavioral resemblances with Sam.

Families were such a strange thing to begin with, it just figured that his would be stranger still.

“Well,” Viki said finally. “This certainly answers a lot of questions.”

“Do you think it’s true?” Todd asked.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You’ll excuse me if I think that a guy who masqueraded as me for eight years isn’t the most trustworthy source,” Todd said sourly.

“Maybe not,” Tina interjected. “But I think you should take this at face value. I think he might really be trying to straighten things out… for himself, for you, for all of us.”

Viki agreed. “If it makes you feel better, take this information to Bo and John and let them investigate further.”

Bo and John didn’t exactly fill Todd with a great deal of confidence but they were already working on all of this crap and he may as well give them further pieces to that puzzle.

“Do you really think it’s this easy?”

“How is any of this easy?” Tina wondered. “Another one of our father’s mistresses shows up and tortures you for eight years while replacing you with her own son, another one of our father’s bastards I might add, and basically muddies the waters about your identity as well as completely trashing what little positive memories any of us have of our mother and Viki’s best friend? None of that seems easy to me.”

Todd hated it when Tina made sense. He needed to change the subject. He focused on Viki. “So when you dismantled the Lord crypt, what did you do with all of the, uh, stuff?”

“There’s a memorial wall in the cemetery with placards of Lords and Dalbys that have passed on. Victor’s placard is present but he no longer has any sort of place of honor in a crypt,” she explained. “As for any remains, I had them cremated and buried in the yard.”

“Is that spot in the yard withered?” Todd asked. “Or perhaps black roses have sprouted there?”

Tina’s lips turned into a smile. “Well, if you feel a malevolent presence by the oak trees that lead to the church you’ll know why.”

“Really,” Todd grinned, too. “The only thing this place was missing was a ghost.”

Viki sighed, her eyes not quite sparking with the same humor. “This place has plenty of those.”

Todd immediately felt horrible for making the joke.

Viki seemed to understand immediately. She reached forward and patted Todd’s arm. “Those ghosts get exorcised more and more with every new day and generation. It makes me so happy to see my nieces and nephews, my children and grand-children… great grand-children… they’re all happy, wonderful kids who are not going to grow up the way we did.”

“I’m willing to bet you didn’t envision yourself as a grandfather, Todd,” Tina said archly.

“No, I never did,” he agreed.

“But you’re not sorry, are you?” She continued. “Even if it was with Blair.”

He scowled at her. “I wouldn’t change any of that. Not the grand-child and not the woman I started a dynasty with.”

Tina sniffed. “No accounting for taste.”

Todd hoped Victor’s ghost haunted Tina that night.

============================================

“Remember when Max scammed Asa into believing he was his long-lost son?” Blair reminisced.

“I heard about it,” Cord nodded. “Read Max the riot act over it… we actually didn’t talk for a long time after that.”

“I helped him do it,” Blair said casually. “At the time, it was for a good cause… what with Max spending every dime he had to get his kidnapped kids back and needing something to leave them when he thought he was dying of a brain tumor. And, let’s be honest, screwing Asa out of money is not something I needed too much arm-twisting to agree to… plus, there was the constant threat of Tea and Todd over my head and I thought that the Buchanan power on my side would help me there…” her voice drifted off a bit. “Anyway, when that all came out, guess who got all the blame?”

“Don’t think I have to guess.”

“What’s more,” Blair continued. “Max blackmailed Asa into not pressing charges against him immediately afterwards. And Renee seemed to not care at all what he did! Somehow, I was made into some Lady Macbeth who conned Max into the idea in the first place. Did everyone forget that Max was a con from the start?” She scowled and crossed her arms over her chest. “You know what it is, right?”

“What?”

“Max won the love of Llanview’s favorite hillbilly saint, Luna,” Blair sing-songed the name sarcastically. “Never mind that he cheated on her… and, believe me, he was _not_ coerced into that. He was a _very_ willing participant. Oh no, that was all me as far as Llanview is concerned. Isn’t it funny how everyone in this town somehow gets a break for whatever reason but I don’t? Hell, Viki loving Todd gives him a certain amount of approval that I’ll never have.” Blair sighed loudly, tilting her head back before straightening up again. “Good thing I knew life wasn’t fair by the time I was five years old.”

“You know what’s interesting to me?” Cord remarked. “How easily you can talk about it now. The Blair I always knew kept things close to the vest. I mean, unless you got really upset about something and lost a little bit of that control… but normally, you always held back. There was always something you kept hidden. You measured your words very carefully.”

Blair considered that. “I suppose that’s true. I always had to be careful what I said no matter where I was… it’s why I was so quiet as a child, most people didn’t want to hear what I had to say… they weren’t interested. And then… well, let’s just say that trusting people wasn’t exactly my strong suit. My whole life was about hiding in some way or another. There was one person I didn’t have to hide from.”

“Todd,” Cord finished.

She nodded. “We walked down memory lane a while back. This night… this night on a park bench when Max and Luna were renewing their vows and Tina couldn’t wait to tell me how wonderful it all was… Todd found me crying there,” she laughed. “How cliché, right? He asked if I was okay, I snapped at him, he got ticked off and I apologized because, really, he was the only one who even cared enough to ask. He sat down and we talked… and there was no reason to hide anything from him. He was sarcastic and funny and he listened to me and I was sympathetic and listened back and bought him a soda… and, for the first time in my life, I felt like I wasn’t alone in the world.”

Cord was quiet for a long time. “I never knew about that.”

Blair shrugged, wiping her eyes at the sudden mist of tears that formed there. “Well, like you said, I wasn’t exactly big on sharing those parts of myself.”

“But you did with Todd… from the start…”

“Well,” she smiled. “I think that just proves that we belong together.”

========================================

Tina had gone to check on her dog as Viki held Todd back and asked him why he wanted to know what happened to the crypt.

“I feel there are things I need to say,” Todd explained. “Things I need to say out loud, even if it’s just to a sign on the wall with Victor’s name.” He tapped the letter from Victor Jr and put it in his coat pocket. “I’m not going to wind up spending the night in front of it or anything… those days are long over. He doesn’t deserve that much of my time anyway. I’ve got a family to take care of.”

Viki smiled. “Well, that’s good… and anyway, one of the reasons I tore that crypt down was because a few too many people found their way inside. I felt I should start charging rent sometimes.”

“Thanks for the information, Sis,” Todd nodded. “It helps a lot.”

“Good,” she moved forward and hugged him.

Todd closed his eyes and sighed. Hugs, for the most part, still felt a bit unnatural to him but some people had a gift for them. Viki was one. Blair was another… Blair had always been eager to hug him and, really, she’d been the first person he felt the need to spontaneously hug in return. And, after being deprived of a loving touch for so long it felt good to have his sister, the sister he trusted and loved, reach out to him that way.

The other sister, however, had her ear pressed against the kitchen door when Todd found her.

“What are you doing?”

She jumped when he spoke and then hissed at him to be quiet. “Blair is in there working on Cord,” she snarled.

Todd stared at Tina in disbelief. “No she’s not.”

“How would you know?” Tina asked. “You’re not listening to what’s going on in there.”

“I don’t have to,” Todd insisted. “Blair’s… why the hell would Blair need to work on Cord anyway?”

“You know Blair,” Tina rolled her eyes. “She always has a backup in her pocket at the ready!”

“You are an idiot!” Todd bellowed.

Inside the kitchen, Cord and Blair had turned towards the door as Tina’s voice had gone from whisper to stage-whisper to regular conversational tone. For Tina, a regular conversational tone had a tendency to carry so they were well versed in what was going on before Todd exploded.

“I’m an idiot? _I’m_ an idiot?” Tina demanded. “I don’t trust that woman and I never did! She’s always after something… usually someone’s husband! And usually mine!”

“That’s not true and you know it!” Todd insisted. “Blair made a play for your husband exactly once! And it didn’t work, either!”

“How would you know?”

“She told me!”

“And you just believe her?”

“Yes! Why wouldn’t I?”

“Blair has never met a lie she didn’t love to test out on… any number of idiotic men that just… just… _dance_ to her little tune! She’s some sort of seductive Pied Piper… but she uses her power on men and I can’t believe you’re so obtuse that you don’t see it!”

“Where did you even come from?” Todd wondered. “Seriously, was Irene an idiot? Because as gross as the old man was no one can call him stupid. Viki’s no dummy and neither am I. Are you some throwback to a branch of the family that wandered off cliffs and killed themselves off out of _sheer stupidity_?!”

“As entertaining as this is,” Blair remarked softly to Cord on the other side of the door, “should we maybe let them know we can hear them?”

“I’ll leave that to you,” Cord said, his expression a mixture of embarrassment, fatigued acceptance and humor.

“How can you call me stupid when you’re the one _stupidly_ believing that Blair is worth trusting?”

“Despite our not have super powers,” Blair called out loudly. “We can both totally hear you.”

The door swung open as Todd stormed through with Tina hot on his heels. She stomped over to Blair and hissed at her. “Just what do you think you’re doing?”

Blair looked at Cord. “See? Gold-digging Cramer whore.”

“Tina, will you please calm down?” Cord asked.

“Not until I know what this floozy was doing!”

“Come on, babe, let’s get ouf of here,” Todd held his hand out to Blair.

She took it and smiled as he helped her up. “No worries?”

“I stopped listening to Tina about you after the David Vickers debacle,” he said, smiling at the memory of Blair in a pink satin gown. “I know you’re not after Cord. I know you’re not after anyone. You’ve got your hands full with me.”

“Well, that is very true,” she cooed at him.

“Oh, this is rich,” Tina scoffed.

“Anyway, we’ve got stuff to take care of,” Todd glanced back at his sister. “Hey, Tina, maybe you should fill Cord in on our mother! Bye!”

“Have you actually figured out how to manage that sister of yours?” Blair asked as they got in the car.

“Other than throw something at her head?” Todd shrugged. “She’s got a short attention span, she’s pretty easy to distract.”

“How did the conversation go?”

“Eileen Klovis was a real person, it seems, so Junior wasn’t pulling that out of his ass,” Todd sighed. “Viki remembers a colleague of the old man’s and Tina actually remembers getting a visit from a woman who seemed very interested in Irene and the whole set up… even introduced herself as a knowing Tina’s father.”

“Tina remembered that?” Blair was stunned.

“Law of averages says she’s got to get something right,” Todd nodded.

“So what now?”

“Now we take all of this to John and Bo and let them confirm it. Then there’s a stop I want to make. The cemetery…”

“You want to go sledding?”

Todd picked up Blair’s hand and kissed it as they drove. “Yes but not for this trip… I have some things I want to say to the old man. I can drop you off at home.”

“Why don’t I come with you?” Blair suggested. “If you want some private time that’s fine… there are some people I should visit there, too.”

“Okay…” Todd nodded at her. “Okay.”

=====================================================

After a quick visit to the police station where Todd handed Victor Junior’s letter over to Bo and reminded him that he wanted confirmations and updates as soon as possible, they found themselves walking through Llanview’s cemetery.

“It’s cold today,” Todd remarked, tucking Blair’s arm tighter against him. The cemetery was suitably stark. No leaves remained on any of the trees save for the small, trimmed evergreens that dotted parts of the graveyard. It was, in fact, a bitterly cold day. The wind blew in short, staccato bursts that almost took one's breath away but even when the wind was still the air was sharp and cold.

“Seems fitting,” Blair pulled her knit cap down over her ears.

The wall that Viki had erected in place of the infamous Lord crypt didn’t seem to dim any of the staunch, old money feel to the Lord family’s resting place. It was a grayish-white slab with grey-blue veins running throughout. The silver placards denoted names and year of birth and death of those it memorialized. Well maintained potted topiary plants bookended the wall and marble benches were placed before it where one could sit and pay respects.

“Well,” Todd said as he took it all in. “I wonder if this is Viki’s idea of humble?”

Blair laughed softly.

Todd read some of the names aloud, identifying his long-dead and never met sister Meredith and both Viki and Jessica’s daughters named Meghan. He noted Viki’s various husbands marked as well. “I wonder what happens to Clint when he pops off? Does he get a marker here or at the Buchanan mausoleum?”

“Oh, who knows?”

“Speaking of, where is old Asa’s grave? I think I might like to spit on it.”

“Asa’s buried in Texas,” Blair replied. “Believe me, if he were here I’d have done that already. Going all the way to Texas to do it seems like a waste of valuable time on that old coot.”

“Do you think the Mannings should have their own crypt?”

“Oh Todd! How morbid!” Blair looked aghast. “I don’t like thinking of you dying… you’ve done it too many times already.”

“I don’t have any plans to die again any time soon.”

“Does anyone?”

“Now who’s morbid?” Todd looked at the wall again. “I wouldn’t want my name on the same wall as Victor’s that’s for sure. And this whole setup is so.... proper. Our wall should be red marble… laced with black.”

“A gateway to hell?” Blair nodded. “Sounds about right.”

“Well, it’d liven things up here, wouldn’t it?” Todd swept his arm across the landscape. “Look at it all, whites and grays and more whites and grays… boring. Ours should have style.”

Blair smiled. That was Todd, always talking about style. From the moment he had accepted his trust fund and become one of the wealthy he had been concerned with style. He’d had no interest in following the pack, he’d always claimed that the two of them were more than the old money denizens of Llanview. They’d certainly proven that they didn’t fit into that realm more than once.

“You know the Taj Mahal is a tomb, right?” Todd’s voice broke into her thoughts.

“I have heard that.”

“The sultan loved his wife so much that when she died he went into mourning for a year and then he built her a palace. People come from all over the world to see it. They had seventeen kids together.”

“That’s… a lot of kids,” Blair remarked.

“Maybe that was us in another life,” Todd held her close. “I’ve crossed oceans on a raft to be by your side… a gigantic, glorious tomb built in your honor seems about right.”

“We really are the Addams Family, aren’t we?” Blair sighed. “Here we are, in a graveyard, talking about love and tombs and monuments…”

“Does it bother you, cara mia?” Todd’s voice was laced with humor.

She laughed again. “No, my ecstasy, it doesn’t. I mean, it was a silly show back in the 60s but, you know, Gomez and Morticia loved each other passionately, just like we do. And they were different, just like we are. And their families were different, just like ours. But they were happy, too. They didn’t care what anyone else thought, they just loved each other and took care of each other and let each other be who they were. Not just that… they _celebrated_ who the other was. How can that possibly bother me?”

Todd kissed her, the cold abating for a moment when their lips met.

“Are you ready to say what you need to say?” Blair asked, jerking her head towards the memorial wall.

“Yeah.”

“Then I’m going to go over there,” she pointed to a small copse of bare trees. “When you’re done, come find me.” She kissed him on the cheek and then left him alone with the Lord Family Wall.

Todd watched her go until she was out of earshot and then focused on the wall in front of him and, specifically, his father’s name. “You are one piece of work.”

He looked down at his gloved hands and then sat down on one of the benches. “I’ve wasted so much time lamenting my relationship to you… a man I never met. I read Lord of the Banner until it was falling apart in my hands trying to understand a father I never knew only to discover that book didn’t even begin to cover who you really were. I’ve finally gotten to the point where I think I’m the fortunate one… all of my secrets, all of my nasty deeds… they’re out in the open. There are no secrets left to uncover about me; unlike you. You and your aura of media empire respectability that covered up a multitude of sins… sins that keep creeping out of the cracks and crevasses… when does it end? When do we finally get rid of all your shit?”

Todd narrowed his eyes as he stared at Victor’s name. “I’ve almost lost out on too many things because of you. I almost ditched my bride and baby to be because I was afraid of turning into you… I was so afraid of turning into you I went overboard and actually did ditch my bride and baby to be to prove that I _wasn’t_ you. I’ve let your ghost and Peter Manning’s specter keep me from telling the woman I love just how much she means to me… as if letting myself be vulnerable to her meant that I was less of a man or something. I inadvertently followed in both of your footsteps… treating her cruelly, using my children against her, refusing to show my love her when something so simple would have fixed so many things.

“I have a daughter and a son and a granddaughter. I’m going to have another son soon. I’m adopting a little boy which is definitely something you never would have done and I love him which is something Peter Manning never did. I’ve lost too much, wasted too much and had too much stolen from me. I’m not doing that anymore. I’ve got everything to live for and as good as I’ve been at ruining the chances I’ve had… think of what the means for holding onto what matters.”

Todd spat on the ground in front of Victor’s name. “I am not paying for your sins anymore. If any more of your mistakes come crawling out of the sludge to try to take away what matters to me, I’ll send them to hell to see you without batting an eye. I’m done with you, old man, and my conscience is clear. This is my life now and you have no part in it.”

============================================= 

He found Blair kneeling on the ground next to three markers… three markers for three boys she had lost before she could ever see them or hold them in her arms. Todd got down beside her and put his arms around her. “Hey boys,” he said softly. “Mommy and Daddy figured it was time to say hello…”

Blair burst into tears and buried her face in Todd’s coat. He squeezed her tight against him and let her cry.

“Okay,” he soothed her after a moment or two. “None of that, those tears will freeze on your face.”

She laughed through her tears and wiped her cheeks. “Did you say what you needed to say?”

“I did,” he looked at the markers again. “It’s nice to know that our boys aren’t anywhere near either one of my fathers.”

“I like that you’re calling them ‘ours.’”

“Well, that little guy definitely was,” Todd pointed at the marker denoting their first child. “Brendan and,” he looked closer to read the name, “Jeff… I would have fallen in love with them just like I fell in love with Sam. I… I would have come around, Blair. I know I would have.”

He would have fought it, Blair knew. He would have fought it and been awful about it just as he was during those days when she was so pregnant and tired and scared… and he would have turned around at the worst of times and made sure she was comfortable and warm. She believed him when he said he would have come around.

It wouldn’t have been easy but she believed him all the same.

It was nice to be able to re-write that past.


	74. Chapter 74

After two days of relative normalcy, if one could call a time that included both Christmas planning and birthday party planning normal, Blair was just entering the elevator with her hair cut into a glossy, chin length bob. She admired the new coiffure in the elevator mirror noting that with Todd’s hair reaching that length where the ends started to curl up just slightly they were as close to matching hairstyles as they had been in a long time.

Her phone chirped a notification for a text message from Cassie. RED ALERT! MOTHER ON THE WAY!

“Great,” Blair breathed as she entered the house.

“Hey-ey,” Todd said appreciatively when he looked up. “I like it,” he gestured to the hair. He noted her somber expression and moved to her side as she went to the kitchen.

“Dorian’s on the way over,” she said without preamble. “Cassie just texted me.”

“Well,” Todd sighed. “We knew this was happening.”

“I don’t want the boys to witness the fireworks if we can help it,” Blair continued.

“Babe,” Todd looked resigned. “You know what family they’re a part of. From what Jack has told me and what you’ve told me, they’ve been party to plenty of Cramer fireworks.”

Blair scowled. “But no Lord fireworks?”

Todd shrugged. “My side of the family prefers to hide their dirty laundry… I can’t say it’s been a healthy choice. At least the Cramers all know how everyone feels. It may not always be pleasant but it’s damn sight more honest than the Lords. Hell, even the Buchanans waving their guns and barbeque around is better than what Victor and his lot did.”

“Never expected to hear that from you,” Blair tilted her head to one side. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m not saying I’m looking forward to a visit from Auntie Darkness and her money-grubbing gigolo,” he quickly amended. “I’m just saying that there’s not much need to hustle the boys out of here just yet. Maybe when voices start raising and words like ‘cretin’ and ‘rapist’ start getting thrown around.”

Blair grudgingly agreed. “By the way, you did know that David turned out to be Bo’s son, right?”

Todd stared, wide-eyed for a moment and threw back his head and laughed. “I don’t know who gets the worse end of that deal,” he said after a few moments, wiping his eyes. “I honestly don’t know who I feel more sorry for… please tell me there have been family dinners!”

“Oh, who the hell knows,” Blair tossed back. “Like I give a shit what any of those people do.”

The bite in her tone made Todd smile wider. He remembered a girl in red velvet rolling her eyes and complaining about the people ‘in this god-forsaken town’ and it was an absolute delight for him to see that attitude return.

“Boys,” Blair turned to Jack and Sam where they were watching television. “Aunt Dorian’s on her way over. She should be getting here any minute.”

Jack glanced between his parents. “Should we hide?”

Todd snickered behind Blair. “Only if I can join you.”

Blair sent an elbow fliying into Todd’s gut. “Aunt Dorian is going to want to see her nephews. I’m going to tell Starr she’s on her way.”

“You don’t like Aunt Dorian?” Sam asked.

Todd took a deep breath. “Aunt Dorian and I have never gotten along… sometimes that’s just the way things go.”

“This should be interesting,” Jack smirked.

Todd agreed but he was pretty sure it was going to be the Chinese curse kind of interesting.

In short order, the buzzer rang to announce Dorian’s arrival. Blair took a deep breath as she gave them access to their floor on the elevator and opened the door.

“Well,” Dorian huffed the second the elevator doors opened. “Now, at least, I see why you’ve been avoiding talking to me these past few months! How fortunate for you that I’ve been so busy with my work as a junior senator!”

“Blair, you look horrible,” David said cheerily as he followed Dorian in.

“Shut up, David,” Blair hissed.

“Hi Aunt Dorian!” Sam scampered over to his great aunt and hugged her around the waist. 

Dorian’s face shifted into a genuine smile. “My little hero, Sam,” she smiled, stroking his head fondly. “I’m so glad I made it back in time for your birthday party this weekend!”

“I’m glad, too!”

“Hello Jack,” Dorian held her arms out and Jack, obligingly, stepped into her hug. “How are you doing?”

“Still on probation,” he remarked with a lopsided smile.

“Still?” Dorian cast a disparaging look Blair’s way. “I imagine something could be done about that, don’t you think? I am a junior Senator, after all. I could make inquiries.”

Jack shrugged. “It’s okay, Aunt Dorian. Better to do the time. I’ll be free and clear by the time soccer season kicks off and, this way, no one can accuse me of using my connections to get out of trouble.”

“How noble,” Dorian smiled. “Where on earth did you get that? Certainly not from your father.” She finally turned her attention to the man in question. “Todd,” her tone was distinctly icy.

“Dorian,” Todd’s was downright bored.

Dorian removed her gloves and slapped them into the palm of her hand. She looked around the house that Blair had taken such care to create and sniffed. “I see you’ve been very busy, Blair. Just how long have you been working on this?”

“For awhile,” Blair kept her tone neutral.

“I imagine so,” Dorian handed her coat and gloves to David, who took them dutifully. “I wish you had told me you felt so unwelcome at La Boulie. Perhaps I could have reassured you.”

“That wasn’t the problem, Dorian,” Blair said softly. “You know I’ve always been grateful for the things you’ve given me, particularly the homes you’ve let me stay in.”

Todd drifted over to the boys and caught Jack’s eye. He nodded upstairs and, to his credit, Jack understood immediately and herded Sam upstairs with promises of movie marathons. Todd didn’t like Blair humbling herself for Dorian and he liked her doing it in front of the boys even less.

“But I have wanted a place of my own for longer than you know,” Blair continued. “I finally had the place and the means to build my dream house.”

“And then you put Todd in it,” Dorian gestured his way. “Which makes it a nightmare.”

Blair didn’t say anything for a moment. “So, is this an actual visit to see the new house and see the kids and see me or is it just so you can come and berate me for making choices you don’t agree with?”

“This is more than just a mild disagreement, Blair,” Dorian stated. “After all of these years, after everything that man has done to you, here he is… and don’t think I haven’t noticed that ring on your finger!”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“That is not the point!” Dorian insisted. “The point is that it may as well be made of glass because the cretin that gave it to you has no concept of what love and respect actually are!”

“I should have made a bet over how soon she’d use that word,” Todd remarked.

“You stay out of this,” Dorian snapped.

“No,” he said, stepping forward to stand next to Blair. “I’m _in_ this. I’m in this completely and I have been ever since I sat down on that barstool. I’ve been in this ever since your aging boytoy decided to pretend to be me in order to get his hands on my money!”

“Honestly, darling,” Dorian focused on Blair again. “After everything he’s done to you…”

“It’s not up to you to make this decision, Dorian,” Blair’s voice was calm and firm.

“He stole your child!” Dorian’s voice raised to its shrillest tone. “He told you that your baby was dead while he sold it off like some cheap bauble!”

Blair took a deep breath to remind Dorian, again, that her relationship with Todd wasn’t Dorian’s to approve but Todd spoke up again.

“Wait… what?”

The tone in his voice was peculiar enough that Blair paused and turned to look at him.

He was staring at Dorian. “What did you just say?”

“We all know what you did to Jack!”

“Apparently, I don’t!” Todd replied. “Who the hell said I _sold_ him?” His gaze shifted to David. “Because, as far as I know, only two people know that money changed hands regarding Jack at all and it sure as hell wasn’t me that got it.”

Blair followed Todd’s gaze to rest on David as well. “That part of the story never did make sense to me.”

“Does any part of it make sense?” Dorian demanded. “Somehow, taking your baby and telling you he was dead _does_ make sense? But selling him doesn’t? Threatening to cut out David’s tongue if he breathed a word of it doesn’t?”

“I didn’t do that either,” Todd said, his eyes flashing darkly.

“Does it really make a difference at this point?” Dorian huffed. 

“Yeah, it does, actually,” Todd said. “I’ll go to the gallows for what I _did_ do but I’m not going down for what that idiot did.” He eyed David some more. “You’re awfully quiet back there, Davey boy. That’s not like you at all. Someone cut your tongue out after all?”

“You did threaten to do that,” David reminded him.

“Yes,” Todd agreed. “I did… if you didn’t tell me where Jack was. Not to keep quiet, you were more than happy to do that as long as I gave you money.”

“That certainly sounds believable,” Blair nodded.

“You remember, Blair,” Todd said. “He was there. He showed up at the villa and he kept showing up… he knew what was going on. He could have blown the whistle right then and been a hero.”

“But he wanted a pay off instead,” Blair’s eyes narrowed. “Yes, that’s _completely_ in character.”

“As for selling him.” Todd continued. “That was David’s move, too. He sold Jack to the trophy wife of some Texas millionaire so she could keep her cushy place on the Ponderosa. It took a few rounds of threats and yet another payoff for him to spill that bit of information. Then, when he spent all of that money, he came back to Llanview demanding even more!”

Blair was wondering how quickly she could shove David off the balcony.

“That’s when I called the Moroccan police on him,” Todd recalled. “Believe me, only one person ever got any pay off for all the crap with Jack as a baby… David Vickers.”

A long silence stretched out between the four of them.

“I believe Dad,” a voice came from above.

Everyone looked up to see Jack and Sam peering at them from the walkway to their rooms. Philly’s grey head was between them as he looked down upon the show as well.

Todd’s throat tightened at Jack’s calling him ‘Dad’ for the first time.

“Boys, please go to your room,” Blair asked, quietly.

They got up to do so. “I’m just saying,” Jack continued. “Dad hasn’t held anything back with me when I’ve asked him about that time. He knows he messed up and he hasn’t ever tried to make any excuses to me. I believe him.”

As they waited for Jack and Sam to get out of earshot, Blair collected herself. “I think we’re done here.”

Dorian crossed over to her niece, grabbing her wrist. “Blair, do not allow yourself to get sidetracked. You know what he’s capable of…”

“Yes, I do,” Blair rose to her full height, towering over Dorian and wrenching herself free of her aunt’s grasp. “I know better than _anyone_ what Todd Manning is capable of. I know the worst of him and I know the best of him and I know everything in between. You do not get to cast any aspersions on Todd while you’re married to David. He could have stepped up at any time and he didn’t. He could have saved me so much heartache and he didn’t. He was only looking out for himself. Just like Todd was back then. So guess what? You can just keep your mouth shut about my being with Todd.” She went over to open the door and gestured for them to leave.

Dorian sensed that a strategic retreat was the right move at the moment. As she passed Blair in the doorway she murmured, “This isn’t over.”

Blair shut the door firmly behind them. “Yes. It is.”

Todd wasn’t sure how to follow that up but luckily he was spared when the secret door grandfather clock swung open and Hope and Starr came through. 

“Hee-eeyy…” Starr’s greeting died out. “Um… did we miss Aunt Dorian?”

Blair was still leaning against the door so Todd nodded. “Yeah, she just left.”

“Really?” Starr looked between her parents. “That was a fast visit.”

“Aunt Dorian doesn’t like me,” Todd shrugged.

“I do, Grandpa Todd,” Hope held her arms up so he’d pick her up. “I like you lots.”

“Thanks, Peanut, that’s all I need to hear.”

Starr cocked her head. “Okay, seriously, what just happened? Mom, are you all right?”

“I’m fine, sweetheart,” Blair sighed. “I just don’t like fighting with Dorian.”

“Fighting, huh?” Starr folded her arms across her chest. “Who’s going to fill me in?”

“You should ask Jack,” Todd said brightly. “He heard the whole thing and I bet he’d love a chance to be the one to tell _you_ something for a change.”

Starr rolled her eyes with an expertise that rivaled her mother’s. Hope interrupted by asking Todd if he would take her to see Santa Claus so she could tell him what she wanted for Christmas that year.

Todd laughed. “Sure, Peanut, we’ll go see Santa, I promise.”

It was a strange shift to go from the discussion of his worst deeds to planning to visit Santa Claus. He tossed a look in Blair’s direction and smiled.

She smiled back but Todd could see she was still very upset.

==========================================

“So, what are you going to do about Aunt Dorian?”

Starr had finally managed to get Blair to come to her apartment for some one on one time. Todd was happy to fuss over Hope upstairs and encouraged her to go.

“What does _anyone_ do about Aunt Dorian?”

“How bad was this fight today?”

“I don’t know that it was necessarily _bad_ ,” Blair said. “It was typical… but then the whole mess about your Dad selling Jack got debunked. That was an unexpected upside.”

“Well…” Starr hedged, “That never did sit right.”

“The whole situation never sit right,” Blair’s tone was bitter. “It’s hard enough to accept that it happened, I’ve done everything in my power to let that time go… it was an awful time and I’ve worked so hard to get past it. The hurt feels just as fresh when someone brings it up now and I don’t know if your Aunt Dorian doesn’t realize that or does but plows ahead and brings it up all the same.”

Starr was of two minds. It really could go either way with Dorian but she was inclined to think it was the latter. It wasn’t that she thought so little of Dorian, always a larger than life figure of drama and glamour, as much as she felt that Dorian’s hatred of her father would lead her down the path of hurting her mother for the sake of a ‘greater good.’

“Is it that she hates Dad so much or does she have someone better in mind?” Starr asked, shifting the topic away from the subject that distressed her mother so.

“Oh, well,” Blair said matter of factly, “she hates your father. Has from day one. And she probably wishes I were still with Tomas.”

Starr sighed. “Aunt Dorian’s taste in men isn’t so great as all that,” she reminded her mother. “She really doesn’t have a leg to stand on there. Does she know Tomas took Dad away?”

“That would probably be a point in his favor with her,” Blair replied dryly.

“Why does she hate Dad so much?” Starr asked. “I mean, not now, he’s given her plenty of ammo over the years. I love him but I know that… but… what started it? Did he do something to her?”

“No,” Blair shook her head. “At the time they met, he and I were becoming buddies and he was a newly paroled, infamous rapist. So that was a very definite strike against him. I’m fairly certain that she already knew he was Victor Lord’s son as well because, if I remember correctly, she and David were already in cahoots to scam their way into getting his trust fund. So being the son of Victor definitely didn’t help matters.”

“Think there’d be anyway for Dad to get in Aunt Dorian’s good graces?”

Blair stared at her daughter before bursting into laughter. “Sweetie, your Daddy could walk on water and Dorian would still say he’s the devil.”

“I guess you have to figure out a way to stop giving a damn what Aunt Dorian says, then,” Starr replied with a shrug.

“Well, that’s the real trick, isn’t it?” Blair replied, tapping her daughter playfully on the nose. “Besides, if I cared that much I wouldn’t be with your Daddy now, would I?”

“I remember when I wanted to marry Cole when I was barely seventeen,” Starr leaned back on the couch. “You weren’t happy about it, I know that. Victor was even less so… but you let me do it because you figured my being happy was more important.”

Blair raised an eyebrow. “That’s not exactly how it was, Starr.”

“All right, I threatened to cut you all out of my life and leave Llanview forever if you guys didn’t let me do it,” a sour note touched Starr’s voice. “Still don’t know how you managed to agree to that.”

“If you had cut us all out of your life and ditched Llanview and things had gone wrong between you and Cole, you wouldn’t have come home. Not for a long time,” Blair explained. “Your stubborn, youthful, spoiled pride would never have allowed you to admit defeat to us. I took the option of keeping you around, in my life, with the very strong chance that you and Cole would not have worked out. At least that way, we would have gotten you divorced and I’d still be able to take care of you.”

“You’re weirdly practical about some things, Mom.”

“I learned to think outside of the box a long time ago.”

“So do that with Aunt Dorian,” her daughter encouraged. “You’ve already moved out of her house.. You’ve set yourself up in a fortress that she can’t invade whenever she wants. I know you’ve cut her out before.”

“When you grow up without a family,” Blair explained, “it makes you a little hesitant to cut them out of your life.”

“You’ll still have the rest of us if it comes to that, Mom.”

========================================

Blair was aggressive that night.

Todd was setting his watch on the dresser when she came up behind him, pressing herself against him as she wrapped her arms around his waist. With one swift motion, she pulled his sweater up and over his head, tossing it aside as she planted soft kisses along his shoulders.

In their earliest of days, Blair was often the one taking the lead. He was always so wrapped up in his issues that whenever he thought about putting the moves on Blair, which was often, he’d lose his nerve. She had been very good at spotting it and, being a sexual creature herself, had no problem opening the door as wide as possible for him to get the clue that she was receptive.

But Blair had always liked to give him the comforting illusion of being in control. It was rare indeed that she maintained the aspect of the aggressor. Their sex life as it was since his return was far less hesitant on his part. Even if she still had to make it clear that she was interested, it didn’t require the prolonged reassurances of years past.

Todd was certainly receptive to Blair’s advances. He couldn’t imagine a situation anymore where he’d refuse her. He’d done that too many times in their past. As they moved to the bed, shedding clothing and letting hands and lips doing the talking, he certainly didn’t have much of an issue with the fact that every time he rolled on top of her, she would very soon counter it and be on top again.

Her mood throughout the evening had been… strained. She was clearly thinking things over. Todd had hoped that a conversation with Starr would help Blair’s mood after Dorian’s departure and while it seemed to alleviate the initial after-effects of the visit, she was never quite buoyant afterwards. Blair had always been one to use sex to make herself feel better. Todd had known that from their first night together… it’s why it happened in the first place. He’d promised her that she could use him anytime she wanted and he had no problem fulfilling that promise now.

For her part, Blair wanted to control the situation more than usual so she could really look at him. She knew down to her soul that being with Todd was the thing she not only wanted but _needed_. Dorian didn’t understand that and never would. Dorian went through men like tic-tacs and while she certainly bore affection for any number of them, she was also in love with her concept of an independent woman who needed a man like a fish needed a bicycle. She had encouraged all of her girls to remember that they were full, vibrant creatures with or without a man in their lives.

It was admirable, certainly, but she didn’t execute it perfectly by any means.

And she refused to understand what Todd meant to Blair… even after all of this time and all of the hurt and all of the damage.

She just didn’t understand.

Blair wanted to see him. She wanted to watch as he gave himself over to her. Something truly beautiful and miraculous happened when she and Todd made love. It was never something she could describe but she knew it was real and that’s what she needed. She loved how his flesh burned beneath her fingertips, how his eyes darkened and how his very breath shifted and changed at her touch. She listened to the mewl at the back of his throat when she kissed his neck just below the ear; the gasps when she raked the sensitive inner thighs with her nails; the moans when she kissed her way down his chest and stomach to his pelvis.

When he was inside her… at that point, Blair gave herself over. There was nothing but them and she only wanted to savor and revel and rejoice in it. The way he filled her, the way their bodies moved together, the way she could let go as he could let go… this was the way it was always supposed to be.

After, she looked down at him, framing his face in her hands. She did that a lot and had from the first. Her fingers traced over his cheekbones back towards his ears and then danced across the line of his jaw. She loved his face; every plane and angle, every imperfection that made him so perfect in her eyes.

“I love you,” she told him.

He covered her hands with his and brought her fingertips to his lips. “I love you, too.” He paused. “Were you thinking about Dorian?”

The expression on Blair’s face was comical. “What?”

“Just now… you know… while we…”

“Were _you_ thinking of Dorian?”

Todd’s expression was even more amusing. “What? Ew! No! If I had… I wouldn’t have… finished… you know?”

Blair smiled indulgently. Todd trying to be chivalrous while post-coital was highly amusing.

“I know you’ve been in a bit of a mood because of her today.”

“I wasn’t thinking of her,” Blair said. “Not really. I was thinking of you, focusing on you. Any thoughts of her were of how she just doesn’t get us.”

“Well, Viki doesn’t get us, either.”

“Viki hasn’t systematically tried her best to separate us.”

“No,” Todd agreed hesitantly. “Though I’d hesitate to call her an ally, either. I mean, I guess she gets that it’s you for me and no one else now.”

“Finally.”

“But she’s not the issue here,” Todd shifted as Blair settled next to him. “Dorian is and I guess we have to figure out what our line in the sand with her is.”

Blair snuggled close to him, warmth spreading through her as Todd continued his ‘we’ and ‘us’ references to the things they faced. “It’s so frustrating,” she said. “After all of this time, she seems to think that there’s going to be some magic word she can use that’s going to make me realize that you’re not right for me or something. It’s like… she thinks there’s something that’s going to win this for her.”

“Hm, maybe that’s it, then,” he mused. “Delgado was the same way. She didn’t believe that there was any such thing as an unwinnable case. Yammered about some professor she admired and crap like that. So she asked me what she could have done to make me love her like I love you.”

“What did you tell her?”

“That there wasn’t anything she could have done. It just wasn’t ever going to happen. There was no secret weapon, there was no magic word, there was nothing she could ever do or say what would make her mean more to me than you. Simple as that.” He was quiet for a moment as he waited for Blair to respond. “Do you think Dorian would finally shut up if you told her that?”

“Might make her work harder,” Blair sighed. “I mean, she’s held a grudge against Viki for how long? I don’t even know what she’s aiming for in that battle but she keeps plugging away and refuses to let go of… whatever the hell it was that started it in the first place.”

Todd stroked her back softly. “It doesn’t matter what she does, you know.”

“Oh, I know.”

“Seriously,” he pulled back to look at her. “It doesn’t matter. She can do or say whatever she wants and it won’t make a difference. Let’s say worse comes to worse and she manages to get between us for some reason. It still won’t make a difference. I’ll always come back to you and you’ll always take me back.”

“I don’t want it to come to that, Todd.”

“Me either,” he assured her. “But if it did, we’d still end up together. You should tell her that. Nothing can ever happen that will result in my losing you… we’ve proven that more times than I care to count. But if she keeps it up… she _will_ lose you.”

It was one of the reasons she built this place for her family. Blair did not want to be beholden to Dorian for anything anymore. Not that she wasn’t grateful but she needed her own home and her own life away from Dorian’s French decor and lousy security and revolving door of ‘Dorian’s Girls’ some of whom Blair did not care for at all.

“I _will_ tell her that,” she said. “And, this time, she’s going to hear me.”


	75. Chapter 75

Blair had no time to deal with Dorian before Sam’s party and she also made it clear that Dorian could only come to said party if she could keep a civil tongue in her mouth.

“You don’t expect her to stay long, do you?” Todd joked as they set up at Capricorn. The club was closed for the day with a late opening to leave plenty of time to clean up after a troop of elementary school kids ran rampant about the place. “You know, you’re going to have to face her down at some point… although if you want to put it off until after Christmas so I don’t have to put on a suit to go eat a cockless cock for dinner.”

Todd seemed endlessly fascinated by Dorian’s Christmas dinner plans and specifically asked Blair if he should be worried about Dorian trying to castrate him while she was at it.

Blair told him he was being ridiculous.

Todd wasn’t so sure. Jack, having looked up the definition of castration to make sure it was exactly what he thought it was, didn’t seem particularly keen on the dinner, either. Blair reminded him he’d had it before and it was delicious.

“That’s before I knew what it was.”

“It’s bird,” Blair lost patience with her squeamish men. “It’s the same thing as chicken except that it doesn’t have a certain part of the anatomy I don’t think any of you would be interested in eating anyway.”

“It’s the principle of the thing,” Todd insisted to his son’s vigorous nods.

“You know that cat you all love so much?” Blair said in exasperation. “He’s castrated, too.”

“We’re not eating him!” Jack insisted.

“You are _all_ being ridiculous,” Blair bellowed, “and I have had it, _officially_ , with this nonsense!”

Todd herded Jack away. Blair was dealing with a party, parents and the upcoming holiday season so she was pretty much stretched thin as far as patience went.

“So what do we do about Aunt Dorian?” Jack asked.

“Dorian isn’t something to be done about so much as endured,” Todd replied. “How’d you manage living with her for so long?”

Jack squirmed a bit. “Well,” he hedged, “she can be pretty awesome when she wants to be. I mean, she’s nuts… but the good kind of nuts.”

“Great,” Todd breathed, “my own son.”

“Hey,” Jack warned. “I may like you and stuff now but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to start hating Aunt Dorian. She can be pretty awesome. She sticks up for all of us and she buys great presents. At least her house is fun, too. Aunt Viki’s house looks like it should be in some black and white horror movie.”

“You think so?” Todd had never much cared for Llanfair, thinking it was stodgy and overly floral, and it creaked a lot. Viki said it was part of its character. Todd was almost positive it was haunted.

“Oh, yeah,” Jack settled into the conversation. “Like… the _House on Haunted Hill_. Old school stuff like that. Where you have this grand old house that hides a thousand secrets… which, let’s be honest, we all know Aunt Viki’s house does.”

“Dorian’s house is old enough,” Todd reminded him. “But it’s not as old as Llanfair, I don’t think.”

“It’s been redone twice in my memory,” Jack said. “And I haven’t been around very long.”

“You know it was Marty Saybrooke’s house before Dorian bought it?” Todd said conversationally.

“Really,” Jack said sourly. “Why does every conversation have to turn to that woman?”

“Not every conversation turns to her,” Todd said jovially. “But it’s true. And back then it absolutely should have been in a horror movie. Dorian completely revamped it when she bought it. Before, it was just Marty… in this cavernous mansion, alone with some of the help. God, no wonder she was so desperate for attention.”

Jack studied Todd through narrowed eyes.

“What?”

“You talk about her differently, now,” he said cryptically.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, Victor was always really weird about her… he’d go between acting like she was completely messed up and then like he was completely in love with her.”

Todd’s stomach turned.

“You’re talking about her like… a normal person almost.”

Todd didn’t think that was such a bad thing when it came down to it. “Like she’s a normal person or like I’m a normal person? The distinction kind of matters.”

“You’re not normal, Dad.”

He couldn’t help it. He grinned the biggest, goofiest grin whenever Jack called him that.

“And now you’re making it weird,” Jack sighed wearily.

“It’s what I do,” Todd laughed. “I’m really good at it.”

“That’s true.”

Jack’s dry, understated sense of humor had to come more from Blair than anything. Blair had quite a talent for a dry barb. Todd’s specialty lay more in sarcasm and outright mocking.

“You realize that you’re going to have to rein that in today,” Jack continued.

“Hmm?”

“You making it weird. All of these parents of Sam’s friends are going to be here and you’ll probably have to interact with some of them.”

“Yeah, I know,” Blair had already made it very clear to Todd that he had to pretend to be adjacent to normal for a couple of hours. Most parents would be dropping off and using the party time to do some Christmas shopping, others would be hanging around to help out. “This is the part of parenthood I never spent much time with.”

“What, interacting with other parents?”

“Yeah,” Todd said, a hint of regret coming into his voice. It was true, he skipped out on a lot of that. He had over-indulged Starr because he felt increasingly guilty for keeping her from her mother or running away himself and now he found himself longing for the lost moments of parent-teacher meetings and coaching little league games.

Not that he was sure he’d be a very good coach but he was interested in trying it out.

“I’m getting old,” he sighed.

“Making it weird again,” Jack remarked and went over to where Starr was setting up snacks.

Blair came over to him then. “You look rather melancholy,” she said with a gentle smile. “Is it hitting you that you’re about to play chaperone at a kid’s party and will never match the energy they’ll have?”

He smiled at her joke. “Starr’s not going to expect us to chaperone Hope’s parties, is she? I think I’m aging about ten years as we speak and the kids have only just started getting here.”

She kissed his cheek. “Come on, let’s go play host.”

Blair was one of those people who was naturally charming. Todd wondered sometimes what she would have been like if she’d been raised by people who cared about her and encouraged her. It was almost frightening to consider. As he watched her greet parents and kids alike he admired how natural she was. They were in her club, her whole building for that matter, but she was wearing a pair of jeans and a casual green sweater without any fancy jewelry other than her engagement ring. Todd wondered if the Blair he had married back in the 90s even owned an outfit like that.

She had jeans, he recalled as he watched her. But she never would have gone to anything public looking so… unthreatening. He remembered the get up that Tea was wearing for a private family party they had for Sam, the one he had crashed as Spider-Man. It was a bit ostentatious for a child’s party. Even more so considering that immediate family were the only ones present. Blair had looked beautiful to him but she was also dressed like a woman who was more concerned with her little boy having fun than mussing up her clothes.

Which is how she looked now.

That was the thing about Blair; a thousand years ago when they first talked about their family, she didn’t seem to know what was expected of her but she handled it all the way she handled everything: she adapted.

As far as Todd was concerned, she looked infinitely more glamorous than any other mother in the room. She was so self-assured and gracious and pleasant… it was amazing to him how she had grown over the years. It was amazing how she had grown over the past few months. Todd liked to think that he had something to do with that. Coming home had been just as much a journey for her as it was for him. It hadn’t quite been six months since he first saw her again, sitting on the chair in Dorian’s back yard looking at a picture of their beautiful second wedding. There had been sadness there, deep and profound sadness, and now Blair smiled and it didn’t hide anything. She was happy; he had made her happy.

“Todd,” she called over to him and he dutifully moved to her side so she could introduce him to various parents.

“You’ve signed up for quite a handful,” one father said with a laugh.

For a moment, Todd looked at Blair thinking she was exactly the kind of handful he wanted before realizing the father was speaking of the party. Kids were not shy about shedding their winter coats and joining in on the rambunctious play already in progress. “This?” He grinned at the chaos. “This is a pleasure.”

Genial but brief conversation followed and Blair gazed at him lovingly as the parents dispersed.

“What?”

“A pleasure? I’m going to remind you about that when this is all over.”

“It’s true,” he insisted. “I may have joked about it earlier but… I have experience with truly awful things. This is great. I’d rather be doing this than a lot of other things I’ve done in my life.”

“You say that now,” Blair continued to tease.

“Truthfully,” he leaned in to whisper. “I’d rather be doing you.”

She chuckled under her breath, running her hand down his face and neck to rest on his chest. “And there he is… I’ll remind you of that, too, when this is all over. We’ll see how much energy you really have.”

“Blaaiiirr…” Dorian sang out as she arrived. She sailed over, arms stretched out to embrace her niece and give her air kisses on each cheek.

“Hello Dorian,” Blair smiled and then directed David over to the table where the presents were.

Cassie, grim determination on her face, stood behind Dorian, arms folded and eyes narrowed. “Mother,” she prompted sternly.

“Todd,” Dorian’s tone was infinitely cooler.

“Dorian,” Todd responded in the exact same tone.

Blair caught sight of David as he eyed the cupcakes on display. “Todd, go keep David from stealing Sam’s cupcakes. Cut his tongue out if you want.”

“Gladly!” Todd practically skipped over to where David was hovering ever closer. “Those are Sam’s.”

“Todd!” David straightened up, still too close to the Spider-Man decorated cupcakes for Todd’s liking. “So how are things for Irene’s favorite son to torture?”

“First,” Todd smiled facetiously, “step away from Sam’s cupcakes before I start removing your body parts.”

David frowned. “I don’t see a knife this time, Todd.”

“I’ll rip your tongue out with my bare hands, if necessary,” Todd said cheerfully. “I learned a few things while I was being tortured, you know.”

David eyed Todd. “You know, a lot has happened since you were taken away. For example, my Pa is the police commissioner.”

“Yeah, Blair just told me about that the other day,” Todd nodded. “I honestly don’t know who I feel more sorry for in that scenario.”

“So,” David expertly ignored Todd’s jibes, “you know, if you do anything to me, the Buchanan posse will be right on your tail.”

“I doubt any Buchanan will lift a finger to help you out,” Todd scoffed. “I imagine Bozo would be pretty delighted if I permanently removed your ability to yammer.”

“Don’t be so sure.”

“And I really doubt that Bo’s going to step up for you when you try to sneak a kid’s birthday treats out from under him,” Todd cracked his knuckles, prompting David to move further away from the table. “Good move, David. Come on, you’ve got a shitty movie out, you’re married to a senator and you’re a Buchanan… you’ve got a lot to lose if people discover you pilfer from little kids.”

David stalked over to the bar and found a place to sit. Luckily, Jack and Starr were nearby and both turned their attention to David as well. Jack looked amused but Starr had the narrowed eyes of a Cramer on Watch. Todd felt they had things under control for the most part and went back to where Blair was.

Cassie, Dorian and Blair were engaged in a feverishly whispered verbal battle.

“Mother, this is not the time or the place for this. I warned you before we even came that Blair was not going to take any more of this… _bullshit_ from you!”

Todd blinked as he didn’t recall ever hearing Cassie swear in his life.

“All I am trying to do is advise Blair not to throw her life away on a man that cannot be trusted to be there for her when she needs him,” Dorian’s finely manicured hand fluttered in Todd’s direction, as if anyone questioned who she was referring to.

“I am not having this conversation now,” Blair hissed. “You do not get to ambush me at my son’s birthday party with this crap and you certainly do not get any say in how I live my life or who I live it with. If you can’t keep a civil tongue in your mouth for two seconds for Sam’s sake then get the hell out of here now. You may consider your invitation to any future family functions revoked and I will certainly not be attending Christmas Eve dinner with you this year or any year!”

Todd perked up, not able to hide the smile on his face at the thought of missing out on Dorian’s Christmas Eve. “Really?”

Three pairs of eyes turned on him with a vengeance. “Not now,” Blair’s tone was less pointed with Todd. She took a breath and reached for Todd’s hand to head towards the kids and announce some games.

The party carried on and the kids were all having a great time. Todd discovered he was pretty good at managing the chaos as long as there were things he could divert their attention with; games, movies, presents, snacks. It helped immensely that Starr and Jack were part of the controlling chaos aspect of things and Blair had planned many different contingencies.

This wasn’t her first rodeo, after all.

But Dorian clearly had a bone to pick with Blair and wasn’t going to let up. The kids didn’t notice but others did. Blair’s face slowly shifted from tried patience to downright pain and Starr and Jack both noticed Dorian’s commentary with increasingly distressed expressions. Todd was about to haul Dorian out of Capricorn by the ridiculous new wig she was sporting when Blair finally turned to her aunt, grabbed her by the arm and forcibly escorted her into the back office.

“Is everything all right?” One of the parents that remained at the party asked hesitantly.

Starr stepped up. “Parties, holidays and family drama,” she said with a bright smile. “It’s a Cramer thing… the storm hits and blows over pretty quick.”

Todd sidled over to Cassie. “What do you think?”

She looked at the firmly shut door to Blair’s office. “I think we go in there in five minutes if they haven’t come out.”

=============================================

“Stop hurting me,” Blair said calmly as soon as she got Dorian into the office.

“I am not the one you should be saying that to,” Dorian huffed, straightening her blouse. “You should be saying that to that monster you’ve let into your life again! You should have said that years ago!”

“Stop. Hurting. Me,” Blair said again.

“I am not the one doing that.”

“Yes. You are.” Blair took a step forward. “You are hurting me. Stop it.”

“Darling, I love you. All I am trying to do is protect you.”

“Todd loves me,” Blair replied. “That has never stopped him from hurting me. Saying you love me doesn’t mean you’re not hurting me. Stop it.”

“Have you told that monster to stop hurting you?”

“That is between Todd and me,” Blair was unflappable. “ _This_ is between _you_ and me. Are you going to stop?”

“I am never going to stop trying to protect you, Blair,” Dorian insisted.

“This isn’t about protecting me, Dorian,” Blair rolled her eyes. “This is you being a control freak. I know how you feel about Todd. I’ve known from the start. You have never made me stop loving him and you have never made me stop wanting to be with him. You can’t make me do any of that no matter how much you wish you could.”

“You are never going to be happy with that man.”

“Not true,” Blair smiled. “I’m happy now. With him. I’ve been happy before. With him. You’re not going to sway me by outright _lying_ , Dorian.”

“How long did that happiness last?”

“I’d rather have that happiness than not,” Blair told her. “Yes, my relationship with Todd has been volatile and painful, but it’s also been wonderful and amazing. You’ll notice that no matter how painful it’s been, we always find a way back to each other.”

“If only I had known about you,” Dorian lamented. “The way you were brought up… if I had known, you would have had schooling and care…”

“And, what, ended up like _Kelly_?” Blair knew Dorian regretted the way Blair had been left behind but Blair didn’t necessarily think the other option was as great as Dorian seemed to. All of the other Cramer girls had come under Dorian’s care when they were teenagers… Cassie, Kelly, Langston, Adrianna… all of them spent their early years in someone else’s care. While each of the Cramers had individual strengths and weaknesses, Blair had yet to see any sort of definitive proof that suggested Dorian getting a hold of her five to six years earlier would have made a huge difference. “Knock it off, Dorian, you aren’t some magical fix to anything. Todd and I still would have met and we still would have fallen in love and that’s all there is to it.”

“Oh, really,” Dorian tossed her head derisively. “What makes you so sure?”

“Because he’s my soulmate,” Blair replied. “He is a part of me and I am a part of him and there is simply nothing in this world that could keep us apart.”

“Blair,” Dorian’s voice was suddenly weary. “He is _not_ your Prince Charming! Get your head out of the clouds!”

“My feet are firmly on the ground when it comes to Todd,” Blair assured her. “I have forgotten _nothing_. I know he’s no Prince Charming… but he _is_ true… in his fashion. Besides, I’m no one’s princess. That’s not the point I’m making anyway. Todd and I will be together and railing against it is as pointless as complaining when the sun rises in the East. It doesn’t matter what you say, it doesn’t matter what you do, it doesn’t matter what _anyone_ says or does… we will always find a way to be together. Surely, you’ve noticed that.”

“An addiction,” Dorian insisted. “And addictions can be dealt with! If only you had stuck with Tomas…”

Blair rounded on her so quickly Dorian fell back a few steps in shock. “I will _never_ be with Tomas!” Her eyes were fierce and a scowl twisted her lovely face. “ _Never_! He has _nothing_ I want and you will _never_ suggest that to me again, do you understand?”

Todd and Cassie came into the room in time to catch the last part. Todd stood next to Blair, resting a hand on her shoulder as she regained some composure. He sent a hard look at Dorian. “Va te faire voir!”

Dorian’s jaw dropped but only briefly. “Comment oses-tu me parler sur ce ton?”

“I’ll do more than _speak_ to you like that, Dorian,” Todd warned.

“I’d like to see you try!” Dorian bellowed in response.

“Enough!” Blair got between them. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and then faced her aunt again. “This is very simple, Dorian. You don’t have a say in this. End of story. If you continue to badger me about being with Todd, all you will succeed in doing is hurting me and driving me away from you. I would suggest that you have some important senatorial business to go to and leave. Then I would suggest you really think about what you want to happen next because no matter what else happens, Todd and I will always be together. The only question is if you continue to be a part of my life. Now, I have a gaggle of kids to entertain. See yourself out and take that husband of yours with you.”

================================================= 

“He is going to break her heart,” Dorian said sadly. “Again.”

“Blair knows what she’s getting into,” Cassie replied softly. “She knows him better than anyone. If she’s willing to risk her heart then we have to trust that she knows what she’s doing.”

“And just let her get hurt again?”

“If he hurts her, that’s on him,” Cassie stood in front of her mother. “But you are not accomplishing anything by brow-beating Blair. I’m consistently surprised that you think this method works. It certainly never has before!”

“I keep thinking she’ll listen this time.”

“She’s listening to her heart.”

“Oh please,” Dorian tossed her head. “Of all the foolish nonsense!”

“Isn’t that why you kept trying with David? Or Dad? Or Mel?”

“That’s not the same,” Dorian insisted.

“No, it’s not,” Cassie agreed. “Because as much as you loved any of them, I don’t think it’s anything close to what Blair feels for Todd. And… it’s different this time.”

“That’s what they all say.”

“It is, though,” Cassie looked out after them. “I’ve seen in it. He’s different.”

Dorian heaved a resigned sigh. “So, I’m expected to accept this? To just welcome him into my family with open arms?”

“I don’t think anyone expects that,” Cassie smiled slightly. “Although it would probably give Todd a heart attack if you did.”

“That’d be reason enough for me,” Dorian admitted.

“Look, Mother,” Cassie placed her hands on Dorian’s shoulders and bent slightly to look her in the eyes. “You don’t have to be particularly friendly. Hell, you can ignore him at any family functions if it comes to that… but you cannot stop this. The only thing you will ever succeed in doing is driving a rift between you and Blair. That will result in a rift between you and Starr… which will affect you and Langston, and you and Hope. You’ll have a rift between you and Jack and Sam as well. And a rift between you and Blair will affect me. On the other hand, Kelly won’t care and neither will Adrianna. River probably won’t, either, although he’ll probably side with me. So, with one move you can alienate or damage your relationship with seventy percent of your immediate family. Let’s say seventy-five because River will waver in my direction more than anyone else’s.”

Dorian scowled.

“This is pretty simple math, Mother.” Cassie could see that Dorian was wavering. Defining the ripples of this feud clarified things, it really wasn’t just about Todd. It wasn’t just about Blair. It was about just how many people this would affect if Dorian kept pushing for a result that was never going to happen. Dorian was much like Ahab against the great white whale… if she didn’t change course, she was going to do far more damage than she ever dreamed.

Dorian’s mouth was pinched tight. She hated to lose and this, as far as she was concerned, was a significant loss. Still, no one could accuse her of not knowing how to put family first. “Victor Lord was a monster,” she said bitterly. “And he gets the last laugh by inflicting his miserable son onto my family.”

“Victor Lord is dead,” Cassie replied. “And he is burning in that particular part of Hell set aside for creatures like him. He’s not having _any_ kind of laugh. And anyway, he couldn’t be bothered to have anything to do with Todd. It’s not like he raised him with the sole intent to make your life miserable. Todd hates the very idea of Victor Lord so he’s not interested in doing his bidding anyway. Is the only reason you hate Todd because he’s Victor’s son?”

“No!” Dorian gasped. “He has hurt Blair so many times!”

“He also makes her happier than anyone. If you hate him for the hurt he’s caused, that’s fair, but you also have to give him credit for the love and joy he’s brought to her life, too.”

“That… is too much to ask.”

“He’s the reason we have Starr and Jack and Hope,” Cassie reminded her.

“Oh, Cassie, please stop.”

Cassie smiled at her mother.

“You’re insufferable when you’re triumphant,” Dorian sniffed.

“Maybe, at Christmas, you settle back and just watch. See how happy he makes her. See how the kids are with him.”

“He’ll disappoint them the way he always does.”

“Instead of trying to hurry that day along,” Cassie suggested. “You might try helping to avoid it… by encouraging them to hold onto their family.”

“Oh, Cassie, really!”

“You are formidable, Mother. I just think, sometimes, you should use your super powers for good!”

“You’ve been spending too much time with little Sam, I think.”

“With great power comes great responsibility!”

“Yes, we’re done here.” Dorian sounded flippant but Cassie saw the slight smile as she left to collect David.

==========================================================

“Do I even want to know?” Blair asked. Dorian’s farewell had been downright pleasant.

“Every Cramer has a gift,” Cassie replied smugly.

“What’s yours?” Todd wanted to know. “Dorian wrangling?”

“You should thank me,” Cassie told Todd with such certainty it alarmed him.

“Oh God,” he whispered. “What did you do?”

Cassie smiled mysteriously and wandered off to make conversation with other guests.

Todd looked at Blair. “What kind of hex does the good Cramer witch cast?”

“You know you’re really cute when you’re panicky.”

“You’re not helping!”

“I know,” Blair laughed. “But I’m enjoying this so much!” She wrapped an arm around his waist and kissed his cheek. “Look at what we have, Todd. And after the kids go home and I pay some employees over time to clean it all up, we can put up our Christmas tree! We have so much to look forward to.”

Todd agreed and let Blair kiss him again but he sent a side-eye towards Cassie all the same.  
Cramers. He loved one beyond all reason. And his kids were all a little bit Cramer as well. But the rest of them? They all needed to be watched. Hell, his kids and the Cramer he loved needed to be watched, too. There was witchery in them all.

Blair had that particular glint in her eye as she played with his ear with one hand.

Todd sighed. There was something to be said for Cramer witchery. It worked on him when Blair turned it on, that was for sure. But that didn’t mean he wanted the others to use it on him.


	76. Chapter 76

Todd had usually been able to get out of Christmas decorating by going to work at The Sun. He usually wanted to get out of decorating because there was something he was trying to hide or something he was trying to do or… really just something was in the way. Todd hadn’t physically decorated anything since his days in Motel Hell when he used empty beer cans on a twig he’d pulled out of the trash.

And that was so long ago it may as well have been another lifetime. In a way it was, but it was also the year he had made friends with Blair. It was hanging around her that gave him any sense of Christmas spirit at all and, of course, it was the first time they kissed and the first time they had sex. So when Blair recruited him to help her drag some sizeable boxes out of storage and announced they were officially decking the halls, Todd was a bit torn.

“You know, I used to hire people to decorate at the penthouse,” he reminded her.

“Yes,” Blair replied disdainfully. “And you had a perfectly beautiful decorated tree and living room that reflected absolutely nothing about you.”

Todd considered that. “So what’s in these boxes?”

“Stuff I’ve saved,” Blair replied. “Some new stuff… well, mostly new stuff, really.”

“Saved? Saved from when?”

Blair was quiet for a few moments. “Some of it’s the sort of things the kids made in school… harmless little knick knacks that Dorian would never allow on her tree and your various decorators would never think twice about. And then some things I saved from when we were first together… I set up that tree after I thought you were dead. Most of those ornaments are gone but some of them... “ she trailed off as she dug around in a box, unearthing a smaller, wooden box and holding it out to Todd.

“What’s this?”

“Open it, dummy.”

Todd look at it first as he took it in his hands. It was a wooden box, fairly simple, with lilies burned into the lid in an intricate pattern. Except for the lilies, it didn’t seem like something Blair would buy at all. He opened it and there were a small selection of delicate looking golden ornaments. And one shell. Todd picked the shell up. It was a scallop shell, it’s edge dipped in gold and on the inside was written in beautiful script: Key West February 15, 1995

He felt the lump in his throat just looking at it. He set it back into the box almost reverently and looked at the others. They were all personalized. Starr’s was, of course, a star. Jack’s was a snowflake. Sam’s a snowman. Hope had one that was an angel. Blair’s was a bell and Todd’s was a reindeer.

“You know,” he said, his voice shaking slightly. “You’re really sentimental.”

Blair shrugged lightly. “I suppose I am.”

“You never put these up again?” He asked. “Not even at Dorian’s?”

“Gold doesn’t go with Dorian’s grey, white and silver theme.”

“Still, she could have let you... “ he sighed. “You could have told me about them when we were at Dorian’s together… or at the penthouse…”

“You hired decorators at Dorian’s the year Jack was born,” Blair reminded him. “You said you didn’t want me to overexert myself.”

“Oh yeah…”

“And the penthouse… I don’t remember the last Christmas we had there where we were actually happy and secure. We haven’t had many of those.”

“That’s true,” he said quietly.

“So, I thought it would be nice to make a new tradition,” Blair said. “Here in our new home with our new life ahead of us… no Dorian’s French themed anything. No decorators deciding what goes best with what… Us. Just us.”

“Happy and secure,” Todd nodded. “Okay, I get it.”

“This is a family thing,” Blair continued. “I want us to start making our traditions. Make up for lost time, you know? I want our kids to have good memories even if they start a bit late.”

“Let’s hang this one first,” Todd held up the shell ornament. We’ll get another one next year with the same date but almost twenty years later. What do you think?”

“Sounds like us,” Blair said wryly.

“Doesn’t it, though?” He shook his head. “You’ve made me all sentimental, too.”

“Yeah,” the sarcasm was evident. “You didn’t have a sentimental bone in your body before you met me. I mean, mooning over the love of your life… asking me to run interference so you could stumble out of the hospital with a knife wound in order to save her… the messed up hand when unrequited love got the best of you…”

“Rebecca’s not the love of my life.”

“She was then.”

“That’s not saying much,” Todd smiled at Blair. “It’s not like I had much of a life back then. You know you’re it for me.” He reached out and slid his arm around her waist. “How many times have I come back from the dead for you? I’ve crossed oceans to be with you. I’m down here decorating the living room for Christmas for you.”

“That _is_ something,” Blair leaned her forehead against his.

“Hey, I’ve noticed,” Todd continued. “As much as you like it when I give you buildings or buy radio stations to fire your enemies or use emotional blackmail to get your jewelry company back… you like the little things, too. You like dancing and you like to cuddle up on the couch or in bed and watch ridiculous sappy movies… or equally ridiculous period pieces… you like spending time with the kids or just arguing with me over who’s more sentimental.”

She kissed him then. “You always did know me.”

“And I really don’t like thinking about Rebecca knowing she turned into a fucking loon and tried to kill all of you. With Powell… or for Powell or whatever.”

“Sorry about that.”

“Wasn’t your fault,” he shrugged. “Although it really pisses me off that my previous great love turned out that way and your previous great love was Max. I mean, Max is a complete asshole in every possible way but at least he didn’t try to kill or kidnap any of our kids!”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, my list of exes is still worse than yours.”

“Not really,” Todd shook his head.

“Think of it this way,” Blair smiled. “They’re exes for a reason. And you’re not an ex. You’re an always.”

He couldn’t help but smile. “That’s stupid,” he said gently, his voice more than suggesting the opposite. He kissed her. “You’re a sentimental fool.”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “So are you.”

=================================

The week of Christmas, Blair was keeping a very solid eye on the weather forecast. Snow or freezing rain was predicted around Christmas Eve with forecasters predicting freezing rain rather than a white Christmas. In preparation, she stocked up on all sorts of food in case the family wound up at home rather than visiting.

When Christmas Eve came, however, the skies were mostly clear. Forecasts still warned of storms coming later than expected but Blair knew that wasn’t going to be an acceptable excuse for Dorian.

And the rest of the family was rather torn as well. Jack and Sam all resented having to dress up to go hang out at their former home. Todd bore it silently because he knew that Blair quite enjoyed seeing him dressed up but he tended to agree with his sons. Starr enjoyed getting dressed up and doing the same for Hope and was particularly excited to see Langston who had flown in early that morning.

Blair decided that Dorian’s formal gatherings were a lot easier to handle when they were just upstairs. To get the entire Manning-Cramer brood into the limo was more work than it should have been. Luckily, she had the vision of Todd dressed up for the occasion. His suit was made a bit more festive with the red and black tartan vest that peeked out from under the jacket. The red in the vest matched the red of her velvet kimono style dress perfectly and Blair thought they made a very fetching couple.

When they got out of the limo, Blair noted that the chill in the air was decidedly stronger than it was when they left the Capricorn building. It was promising, she thought. They might have a very valid excuse to leave earlier than anticipated because there was no way in hell they were spending the night at Dorian’s. Blair was absolutely determined to wake up to Christmas, as a family, in their new home.

Todd took notice of her determined expression. “Not too late,” he murmured. “We can ditch Auntie Darkness right now and head home.”

Blair smiled at him. “Nice thought but we agreed to come.”

A raised eyebrow was Todd’s silent way of reminding Blair that she had been the one to agree. He pounded on the door all the same. 

Starr wasn’t having any of this waiting around business. “This is family and we used to live here,” she huffed as she opened the door and loudly called out a Christmas greeting.

A new member of Dorian’s staff had just been arriving at the door. He recovered and then asked to take their coats, introducing himself as Winston, before announcing them at the door of the living room.

“Oh goody,” Todd breathed. “A photographer.”

“Behave,” Blair replied in a whisper. “For now, at least.”

Dorian floated over to greet them all. She fussed over the kids, the handsome young men and the beautiful ladies. “Blair, you look absolutely beautiful,” she gushed before turning her dark eyes on Todd. “Todd,” she nodded, “you look almost presentable.”

“Thanks Dorian,” Todd replied. “You look…” he didn’t finish the sentence and instead focused his attention on herding the kids into the room.

“I don’t know what you see in him,” Dorian said to Blair.

“You never did,” Blair responded cheerfully. “You look beautiful.” It was true. Dorian had chosen her favored silhouette… full skirt, portrait neckline, decolletage on display along with a dramatic ruby pendant. The dress was in a deep forest green that complimented her hair and dark eyes beautifully, as well as the jewelry on display.

“Thank you, darling,” Dorian beamed then studied Blair. “You look so elegant,” she smiled. “I’ve noticed that from you lately.”

“How’s that?”

“Well, there was certainly a time you dressed more for impact,” Dorian tapped her chin thoughtfully as she studied Blair’s dress. “Wanting every eye on you, wanting all women to fear that their men were looking, wanting the attention… and goodness knows, Blair, you certainly have the means to pull that off! But I have noticed within the last year or so you don’t really do that.”

Blair raised an eyebrow. “Is this a compliment?”

“It is,” Dorian said simply. “You don’t seek out the attention but I daresay you command it now. That dress isn’t one you would have worn even two years ago. It’s far more modestly cut than some of your outfits of the past but you’re so perfectly put together, so completely at ease… you are even more eye-catching and breath-taking.”

“Thank you, Dorian,” Blair replied sincerely. “That means a great deal to me.”

“Hi Blair!” Kelly came to greet her cousin with her own son in tow. “I wanted to introduce you to Zane!”

Kelly’s son was about two years younger than Jack and it was almost uncanny how much he looked like Kevin. “Hello Zane,” Blair bent her knees to bring herself more level to the boy. “I’m so glad to finally meet you.”

“Hi,” he said softly.

“I’d love to introduce you to my boys,” Blair looked up at Kelly. “We have so many Cramer boys now!” She guided her cousin to where Jack and Sam were so the introductions could be made.

Dorian stepped back to watch her family gathered in the living room. The only one missing was Adrianna but her daughter was fiercely forging a life for herself in Paris and Dorian could do little but encourage it. Kelly was with Joe and Zane. Zane was gathered with Jack and Sam, probably talking about video games since that’s what young boys seemed to enjoy talking about. Langston and Starr were delightedly catching up, Langston fussing over Hope and River joined them as well. Blair and Cassie chatted together and David was pestering Todd, who looked typically morose.

“Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose,” she said softly to herself.

=============================

“So that’s your Dad?” Langston nodded to where Todd was deliberately ignoring David.

“Yep,” Starr smiled.

Langston watched him for a moment. He was different from the Todd she thought she knew. She’d departed Llanview before the whole mess came to light. Their physicality was different. The man she knew had developed into a major creep which wasn’t exactly what he was when she first met him.

“Do you want to meet him?” Starr asked. She didn’t wait for an answer but grabbed her best friend by the wrist and dragged her over to Todd. “This is Langston!”

“Hello,” Todd said, noting his daughter’s buoyant expression. “Starr talks a lot about you. Actually, she talks about you incessantly.”

The corners of Langston’s mouth twitched. “Well, I talk about her all the time, too. I guess we’re even.”

“So…” Todd hesitated, “you’re the one Dorian adopted, huh?”

“Yeah,” Langston nodded. “Although it was Blair who started the whole thing. She actually stepped up to be the one to adopt me but then Marcie took off with Sam and Victor went after her and Blair went after him… so when the agency dropped by on a surprise visit, Dorian took over.”

It was strange to be staring at a girl that might have, in other circumstances, been a much closer member of his own family. Coming home to a little guy who loved Spider-Man was one thing but coming home to suddenly have another teenaged daughter? That was different. “Dorian seems to have a habit of bringing her girls in when they’re teenagers,” Todd said diplomatically. “You’re definitely not alone there.”

“No,” Starr laughed. “Cassie, Kelly, Adrianna, Langston… the only one that broke the mold was Mom. She showed up in her twenties.”

“Your mother broke a lot of molds,” Todd smiled and looked across the room where the lady in question was.

Langston caught his expression and sent a knowing one towards Starr. This was familiar to her… but in a much better manner than how things were between Blair and Victor. One would have to be blind to not see the connection between Starr’s parents and now it seemed stronger than ever.

“Hello girls,” Dorian’s voice sing-songed as she approached. “I wonder if I might have a moment alone with my future nephew-in-law,” she smiled graciously in the manner that Dorian did when she was about to do something unpleasant.

“Sure…” Langston sent a worried look towards Starr but moved away. Starr kept a focused eye on her great aunt and father. If things started to get heated, she knew what she’d have to do.

“I’ve been warned several times to keep my distance, Todd,” Dorian’s lilt grated on his nerves as always. “But I’ve never been one to follow the advice of others.”

Todd just waited.

“I wonder how long it will take,” she continued. “You see, you have a pattern and I remain concerned that it will rear it’s inevitable head.”

“What pattern is that?”

“When things take a turn for the worse, which they will and given the players involved it will most likely be you who causes it, I know that the choice will come that you’re always faced with. That choice is always between yourself and Blair. And we both know which choice you always make.”

Todd narrowed his eyes. It was frustrating because Dorian wasn’t wrong.

“You’ve had chance after chance after chance to put Blair first, to tell her the truth about your horrible actions, to allow her the dignity of not being the last to know, to give her enough respect to stand and face her and own up to your mistakes but you have always, _always_ , chosen to protect yourself and your lies for as long as possible.” She smiled brightly. “And you humiliate her and hurt her and put her last… so, yes, I am waiting for that inevitable moment.”

Todd looked at his glass of champagne, counting the bubbles as he attempted to wrestle with his temper. “Yes, I’ve made those mistakes. And yet, she’s always found a way to forgive me and take me back.”

“Why put her through the torture in the first place?”

“Because I’m a damaged human being,” he replied sharply. “Much like yourself. Hell, Dorian, you’re so damaged you’ve taken up with David Vickers of all people. You married my perverted father. You’ve gone through barely legal boys and men of every age like they were tissues and you’ve damaged the relationship you have with your various ‘girls’ so many times they _all_ know it’s going to happen again. There’s a running family bet on it.” He took a drink. “Why do you keep doing what you do and expecting, no, _demanding_ that your girls forgive and forget?”

“Do not compare the two of us,” Dorian hissed.

“I haven’t even gotten started,” he growled. “I’m not going to make you any promises because I don’t owe you any. And any promises I make you wouldn’t believe anyway. My relationship with Blair is mine and hers. We will deal with our issues… which should take us into the next millennium _easily_. But Blair is the woman I love and she’s the woman I’m going to be with.”

“If you really loved her, you’d let her go.”

“If you really loved her, you wouldn’t demand she spend family time with the woman who killed her baby. You sure as hell wouldn’t have protected and lied for that twit when she almost killed Blair,” he shot back. “And I love her… which is why I _won’t_ let her go. She loves me which is why she won’t let go of me. Hell, Dorian, it’s not like she’s ever been _happy_ without me.”

“She could be…”

“No. She can’t. She has never been happy without me. And while I’ve certainly made her miserable I’ve also made her happy. Happier than anyone else has _ever_ made her.”

“I am never going to approve of you,” Dorian said icily.

Todd knew he had won when that was all she could come back with. “I don’t give a fuck.”

Dorian tossed her head and swept over to the butler to check on dinner. Starr swooped in.

“Is everything all right?”

Todd placed a hand over one cheek and rubbed it gently with his thumb. “Everything’s fine, Shorty.”

She scowled slightly. “I’m serious.”

“So am I,” he gave her a wink and crossed the room towards Blair who was standing at the window studying the sky.

“I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of you all night,” he whispered in her ear. 

She turned slightly to look at him. “You’d better be careful. My fiance might hear you.”

“Is that so?”

 

“He’s very possessive,” she smiled coquettishly. “And jealous.”

“Well, I can’t blame him,” Todd teased. “A woman who looks like you… I’d be jealous and possessive, too. Still,” he took her hand and stepped closer. “Why don’t we find some mistletoe to hide under and make out for a while? Why not live a little dangerously?”

“Speaking of living dangerously,” Blair laughed. “I saw you with Dorian. Is everything okay?”

Todd shrugged. “She told me I sucked. I told her she sucked. She told me to let you go. I said I wouldn’t. She said she didn’t approve of me. I said I couldn’t give a fuck. You know, typical stuff.”

“Mm,” Blair nodded. “Well, I was trying to get a gauge on the coming storm to see if I could use it as an excuse to get us all out of here.”

“And?”

“Nothing yet,” she shrugged. “We might actually have time to eat before it starts but I think we need to be ready to bolt when it does.”

“I have no problem with that.”

At that moment, Dorian announced dinner.


	77. Chapter 77

It was a festive and grand affair. Dorian introduced each course in French and all was sumptuous and delicious. Todd took particular delight in being as attentive and almost obnoxiously romantic with Blair through the meal. He moved his chair closer to hers, he leaned towards her creating an intimate setting between the two of them. Sometimes, he’d feed her something from his plate. He rather enjoyed rubbing Dorian’s nose in how happy they were and that there was nothing she could do about it.

It was liberating.

Dorian either pointedly ignored him or scowled at his display. Blair’s eyes danced throughout. She knew exactly what he was doing and seemed to enjoy it as well. But then, Blair always enjoyed being fussed over.

As the dessert plates were cleared away, Blair’s phone chimed. She looked at it then went to the windows and scanned the skies. “It’s time,” she announced. “The rain is just beginning to come down.”

“Darling, there’s no need to rush,” Dorian began.

“I promised my family that we were going to wake up Christmas morning in our new house,” Blair said firmly. “I am not going to renege on that deal. Kids, get your coats, say your goodbyes.” She herself went to Dorian and kissed her cheek. “Merry Christmas, Dorian.”

There was nothing to be done but concede graciously and within five minutes, the Manning-Cramers were tucked in the back of the limo heading home.

“The snow is snowing, the wind is blowing,  
But I can weather the storm!  
What do I care how much it may storm?  
I’ve got my love to keep me warm!”

Blair sang along to the radio, snuggling against Todd as she did so. The kids all gave indulgent smiles but all were sated with very full bellies so they remained fairly quiet.

Todd shifted in order to wrap the arm Blair leaned against around her shoulders. “Keep singing…”

“Off with my overcoat! Off with my glove!  
Who needs an overcoat? I’m burning with love!”

Jack finally groaned in protest. “Are you guys gonna start making out right here?”

Starr thwapped him with her hand. He elbowed her in return. Hope, sitting on Starr’s lap, took their jostling for play and flung herself on top of her uncle with a loud screech, Jack’s protest muffled underneath her.

As usual, Todd took in the entire scene with a mix of emotions. He would forever hate how much time he missed with his kids but he remained consistently amazed that, somehow, he and Blair had managed to start their own little dynasty. And they were all there together, fighting and laughing and teasing each other.

He turned his head to bury his nose in Blair’s hair. He was afraid he’d start bawling any minute. This all started one Christmas night… well, technically it had been a few days before Christmas but it was the season. One night when two lost and lonely people had decided to sleep together and some cosmic roll of the dice had resulted in all of this.

Blair seemed equally reverent, remaining quiet as he breathed in the scent of her shampoo and perfume. She reached over to grip his free hand in hers, squeezing his fingers. She understood. She always did.

The streets were noticeably treacherous by the time they reached the Capricorn building and Blair advised the driver to be very careful on his way home even though he had a short way to go. Capricorn itself had been closed early for the holiday so Blair was able to rest easy about her staff. 

Blair drifted to the window as soon as they went into the actual house. She stood there watching the rain as Todd came up behind her to kiss her neck. “You should let your sister know that we won’t be there tomorrow,” she told him softly.

“Is that my Christmas present?”

Blair smiled as she turned towards him. “Not even close.” She let one finger trace the line of his jaw. “But you were hoping for that, weren’t you?”

He shrugged. “I got very hopeful when you brought a bunch of groceries home the other day. And you’ve been watching the weather like a hawk. I wish I could take the credit for the turn that made it unsafe for us to leave, I really do.”

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to manipulate the weather one of these days.”

“I’ll leave that to one of the kids. I think Sam will probably be the one to build some mega-weather machine.” He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, gazing at her with heavy eyes. “When do I get to unwrap my Christmas present?” His voice was low, low enough that the kids, who were jostling for positions on the couch and arguing over what to watch, didn’t hear.

She cocked her head ever so slightly, eyes sparking playfully. “What Christmas present would that be?”

He trailed the tip of one finger along the edge of her neckline, down to where the swell of her breast merely suggested itself under the red velvet. “My favorite Christmas present… the best Christmas present I ever got… hell, best _present_ I ever got, period.”

It was interesting how things changed in hindsight. Todd had been grateful at the time, if scared to death to actually engage in sex again after prison and Powell and finally realizing just how far he had fallen as a human being. When he’d had all of those protections around him stripped away, the over-confidence, the determination to be exactly what Peter Manning wanted him to be because that would fix everything despite the fact that he consistently seemed to fail at that, surrounding himself with people who were afraid of him enough to do whatever he wanted, and doing well enough in football that he could get away with a lot more than he should... until he couldn’t. That night with Blair made him feel human which was both gratifying and terrifying at the same time.

They spent the evening as a family, watching movies, playing games, talking about school and the wedding that was going to be happening in February but a part of Todd’s mind remained in the past… on that night when the first real friend he ever had gave herself to him for Christmas.

_She sat on the bed, her hand reaching out to him and he stepped forward to take it. He towered over her as he stood there. Her face turned up and she straightened just enough so that her body seemed to stretch up towards him. He leaned down to kiss her, his hair falling to frame her face. It was, perhaps, the only show of dominance he could manage because he certainly didn’t feel like he was dominating. Blair was the one calling the shots here and had been since she stood up and asked him to dance._

Todd watched his family smiling and laughing together. He watched as Blair and Starr got up to make hot chocolate as Sam described seeing Santa the Christmas before. He asked the boys how that happened. Jack grinned knowingly but he took part in the tale all the same explaining how Sam was determined to prove him wrong about Santa not being real.

_He leaned one knee on the edge of the bed and began to sink lower. Blair’s fingers traced his mouth, her thumbs caressing the beard as well as his lips, before drawing him to her again. As he sat down next to her, they kissed again… longer this time, and he discovered he had no idea what he was supposed to do. Her kisses were sweet and soft and since he already knew she didn’t like the rougher way he kissed her at Motel Hell, he kissed her back the way she did him._

_She leaned in closer and her hands slid down his neck to the buttons of his shirt and this… this was really happening. She was good at it, that was obvious, his buttons fell open with the barest whisper of her touch. He wasn’t kissing her then, he was watching as she opened his shirt and then pressed one hand against his chest._

“This is a grown-up hot chocolate,” Blair handed a mug to him as she sat down again. The kids, even Starr, all had undoctored hot chocolate and Starr only did that because she was sharing with Hope.

“What’s in it?” 

“A little bit of vanilla vodka,” Blair’s eyes danced. “A little bit of peppermint schnapps.”

He took a drink. The alcohol wasn’t obvious but he did definitely taste the peppermint.

“It’s a little bit of Christmas cheer,” she told him smiling. She reached over and played with the hair that was curling up at the nape of his neck. “Where are you? You seem so far away.”

“Where else would I be? I’m with you.”

_He stiffened slightly when she touched him. It had been so long. So long. Rebecca always looked scared to death whenever she was near him. Did he look like that now here with Blair? A part of him wanted to jump up and run out… to get away from these feelings, these feelings that were swirling around and making him dizzy. If he left… he’d hate himself. He said he didn’t want to be alone that night and it was true. He didn’t want to be alone. He was so tired of being alone._

_She was waiting, her hand resting on his chest. She seemed to know… in some way, she knew how lost he was. He looked at her, her green eyes in the dim light were large and understanding. She looked lost, too. Of course she did… they got along so well because they were so alike. On the outside steel and on the inside…_

_He let out his breath and leaned forward slightly. He leaned against her hand and stretched his neck to kiss her again. She accepted the encouragement and started to push the jacket and shirt off his shoulders. He worked with her then, reaching behind him to grab the sleeves and pull them off. His hair brushed his shoulders and fell forward and he worked to remove the garment._

“Have you thought about where you want to go for a honeymoon?” Starr asked.

“Why? Why do you always have to go there?” Jack groaned.

“It’s a legitimate question!”

“It’s weird.”

“It’s really not,” Starr insisted. “I’m not asking what they’re going to do on their honeymoon. I’m asking where they’re going to go! That’s normal! Other people will ask the same thing!”

Jack groaned again. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to have the horniest parents in school?”

“Gosh, Jack,” Starr’s eyes widened in mock innocence. “I haven’t the faintest idea! I mean, I have absolutely no idea what it’s like to have parents who are at each other’s throats one day and then getting married the next! And carry on their…” she waved her arms, “whatever it is, in front of the whole school!”

“Were you even upset that they were doing that or were you upset that you weren’t the center of attention?”

“I didn’t always want to be the center of attention!

 

“Riiiight,” Jack nodded. “You didn’t want that for about three months when you were a freshman.”

_This felt more real than when they were stretched out the bed together at Motel Hell. His shirt was off and her fingers were drifting down his chest. One hand reached up to play with his hair again. She seemed fascinated by his hair. Her eyes drank him in hungrily and he suddenly realized the sheer magnitude of what was happening. She shifted almost imperceptibly and then leaned forward to kiss him again. The kisses were hungrier, too. He had half been expecting her to pull back or change her mind about the whole thing but it wasn’t happening. It wasn’t happening._

_His hands rested on her shoulders and he felt the trim of her neckline against his fingers. This was it… this was the moment of truth. He moved his hands around the curve of her shoulder and down her arms, dragging the fabric of her dress with it. This was the thing that was going to change everything. Their relationship could probably stay the same with some harmless making out but once he removed her dress, once he even pulled it down to bare her body to him… it was all going to change here._

_She didn’t hesitate. As he pulled the top of her dress down she moved to free her arms from the sleeves. He pulled the dress further down until it released it’s hold on her breasts and fell to her waist. She was wearing a strapless bra, black with red trim. The bra itself had been pulled by the dress so that her nipples peeked out from behind. He leaned forward, hesitantly at first, and then bent down to kiss the swell of her breast. His lower lip brushed against the nipple and he felt her arch against him. His hands moved to her back to unhook the bra and he was surprised that it only took a few moments to struggle with it before it was in his hand and her body was revealed to him._

_When his mouth closed over one nipple, he felt her hands in his hair, pressing him against her. He figured he was doing something right. He straightened up to kiss her neck and she fell back onto the bed. They were both naked from the waist up and her skin against his… he wasn’t sure he had ever felt anything so good._

Blair was watching him.

The kids had gone to their various beds and it was left to the parents to get the rest of the presents out. They had been carefully hidden away in the passage that led from Todd’s office up to the master bathroom. Blair was also keeping an eye on where the boys were as they moved the presents.

Todd was actually impressed that she seemed capable of looking out for the boys and watching him.

“You look worried,” he said, touching that familiar crease between her brows. “Not crazy about being the reason why.”

“You’ve been far away all night,” she whispered. 

“Not true,” he shook his head. “I’ve been with you the whole time.”

“Todd,” her concern was not abated in the slightest. “What are you talking about?”

“A part of me has been reliving a certain night at Christmas… a long, long, _long_ time ago.”

She snorted, her face a combination of relief, fondness and exasperation. “It wasn’t that long ago. I swear, Todd, sometimes you make me feel positively ancient.”

“I prefer ‘timeless.’”

“I prefer ‘shut up,’” but she was smiling as he drew her close to him. The house was lit only with Christmas lights and they stood next to the tree, letting the twinkling lights reflect on them in what he thought was a very romantic setting.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been able to kiss you by the Christmas tree,” he murmured. “Not even that night… and I spent a lot of Christmases trying to, you know?”

Blair kissed him, slipping her hands around to the back of his neck to pull him closer. “Better?” She asked when they parted.

“It’s a start.” He just looked at her for a moment. “What did you really think of me that night?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Are you asking me if it was any good?”

He hedged a bit. “Wellll...yeah…”

“Seriously? After all these years you want to know if I was satisfied?”

_The rest of it went fairly quickly. This was not an interlude that was about lovers, really. It was two very lonely people seeking solace in each other but he remained impressed with how easily she was able to divest him of the rest of his clothes. He reciprocated, pulling her dress and panties off together… and then they were entwined again. She guided his hands over her curves, encouraging him when he found a place she liked as she wound herself around him._

_Her sighs and moans were heady stuff and it was surprising to hear those sounds coming from himself as well. This is what it could be like… if you actually cared about your partner. And he did care… he liked Blair. He liked her a lot._

_When they joined, when he was inside of her, even then she seemed to be leading him. Her eyes glittered in the dim light and her hands were still able to coax him to be what she needed him to be. And when she smiled at him… he almost lost it right then._

_That smile._

_That smile meant everything._

“I guess you were…”

“You _guess_?” Blair laughed as she turned to switch the lights off. “You guess. Okay.” She was still laughing when she took his hand to lead him up the stairs. Once they were in their bedroom she turned to him again, reaching up to smooth the hair around his face. “If I remember correctly, a few days after that fateful Christmas night, you were _quite_ certain that I liked what we did.”

He remembered. He remembered sitting at one of the small side bars in the country club as Blair was attempting to blow him off and suggest they not see each other anymore. “Well, I thought you were accusing me of…”

“I know what you thought,” she cut him off. “And it was a pretty shitty thing to think of me, too. And then not long after that, I seem to recall _someone_ drunkenly throwing themselves at someone _else_ and that someone _else_ turning the _first_ someone down.” She socked him lightly in the chest. “If anyone is likely to feel insecure about how that first time went… don’t you think it would be me?”

“Oh come on.”

“You turned me down, Todd,” Blair reminded him. “I pulled you into my arms and you pulled away. Don’t you think that might have suggested that our Christmas present maybe didn’t do it for _you_?”

“I told you you could use me any time you wanted…”

“Except _that_ time when you wouldn’t let me.” She let her hands drift down his neck as she pulled away. “But really, Todd, don’t you think it’s kind of silly to worry about whether or not that night so long ago was good? I mean, I’d think if it wasn’t we wouldn’t be here now.”

“That’s a good point.”

“And we _are_ here now,” she turned to face him. “And I’m wondering _when_ you’re going to get around to unwrapping your present.”

A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “And that present would be…”

She gestured to herself. “Whether or not we would have admitted it at the time, that night was the start of something beautiful. And whether or not you knew exactly what to do then, you certainly do now. You are so attuned to me and I am never more myself than I am with you.” As Todd moved to take her in his arms, Blair’s smile was as beautiful as it was that night so long ago. “Merry Christmas, Todd.”

====================================================

There were times, throughout various relationships, that Blair yearned for the newness of a new lover. There was something exciting about getting to know someone in that way, to discover what turned them on when there was no roadmap. She liked the butterflies that came with that first time with a new lover. There was an excitement there that she craved.

Todd was different, though. In some manner, there was always something new about him. There was too many times when they had been parted for long periods and coming together again was like being with someone old and new all at the same time.

Now, she found herself grateful. Grateful that she had him again. Grateful that he had survived. Grateful that he had come home.

Besides that, no one knew her body like he did. Her heart was pounding and she was already breathless as he simply ran his hands down her back to undo her dress. She could feel the heat of his body as she undid the buttons of his vest and shirt. When her dress fell to the floor and she pushed the shirt off of him, she quickly moved into his embrace, feeling his skin against hers and tilting her head up to press her cheek against his.

She slid against him slowly until her mouth found his and kissed him languorously; indulgently... as if he were a decadent dessert. Her hands moved to his pants even as he felt him undoing her corset clasp by clasp. She wanted him naked and she wanted to be naked with him as soon as possible. Her intentions with her lingerie may have been completely different when she dressed that evening; a strip tease, perhaps, a long, slow undressing as the foreplay developed, but as it happened when she was with him she just wanted to feel him against her, his skin against hers. There was certainly more than one kind of foreplay and Blair found she had little patience for clothes this Christmas night.

Of course, his talking about that night so long ago sent her mind back to it as well. That one night, she had been fed up with Llanview entirely. She had seen Marty and Andrew together and she did the only thing she thought she could; tell Cassie. She hadn’t known that someone was listening to that conversation and took it upon themselves to start whispering all over town and when she tried to explain as much to her boyfriend, St. Luna of the Blessed Big Mouth had to sidle up and laugh at her.

And God forbid Cord Roberts give her the benefit of the doubt when precious Luna was there. As if she would willingly do that to Cassie. So Blair had left him… and she went looking for the one person who would listen to her and who wouldn’t suggest that she was spreading rumors for the sake of spreading rumors.

Todd had been simultaneously grossed out and amused by the idea of Marty and Andrew. Blair hadn’t appreciated his laughing at the idea… she was still too concerned with her sweet cousin and too raw by the doubt from Cord. Had she gone there intending to seduce him? Her first instinct would be to say no… but there had always been heat between her and Todd, and she’d gone with a bottle of champagne and offers of a ‘real party for two.’ What else could she have meant?

“Now who’s far away?”

Blair blinked. Todd’s hands were on her breasts, lifting and squeezing lightly, but there was a question in his eyes.

“This is your fault,” she replied, focusing on his pants again.

“What’s my fault?”

“You were the one thinking about that night forever ago and now I’m thinking about it, too…”

“Is that bad?” He lifted her breasts again, squeezing them together and brought his mouth down, letting his tongue draw swirling patterns on them.

She enjoyed that particular bit for awhile before nudging him to sit on the bed so she could take his shoes and socks off along with his pants. Once they were off, she stood in front of him hands on her hips and asked, “Do you think I came to your place that night to seduce you?”

Todd’s eyebrows lifted and an amused smirk twisted his lips. Blair was standing in front of him wearing nothing but a pair of barely there panties, asking if he thought she had been trying to seduce him. He took a deep breath and a laugh came out instead of an answer.

“Todd,” she drawled. “This is not funny!”

“It’s hilarious,” he nodded. He reached for her waist and pulled her in front of him. He quickly divested her of her panties as he kissed her belly and both of her hips. “You show up at my skeevy hotel in a red minidress, with a bottle of champagne, asking if I was alone and inviting me to a ‘party for two.’ You made all of the first moves and then took me to your place where we had sex. Babe, if you _weren’t_ trying to seduce me you failed miserably.”

Blair sighed. Everything he said was true… why did it bother her?

“It was inevitable,” Todd pointed out, scooting back further on the bed and drawing her with him.

“Was it?”

“Well,” he lay on his back, pulling her so that she sat on him; her butt perfectly aligned so that his erection rested against it. “Come on, Blair… we had it going on from the start.” He rested his big hands on her thighs, stroking them softly.

A small smile played at her lips as she rested her hands on his chest and then began to play with his chest hair.

“I just don’t think we _wouldn’t_ have slept together at some point,” Todd continued. “You’re the one who totally re imagined our first meeting as some hot tryst on a pool table.”

“That was a fantasy,” she insisted.

“So? It counts,” he said. “We were into each other from the start. And you know why that is…” He sat up to kiss her, drawing it out.

“Because we belong together,” she finished with a whisper.

“Babe, you can seduce me anytime you want… I love being your sexual plaything.”

She laughed and kissed him again. “Well in that case…”

Todd did enjoy watching Blair do her thing. To him, she was absolutely the most beautiful, the sexiest, most loving, wildest woman he’d ever known. And the things she could do… and the places she could take him… were always amazing.

And he had the best view in the house.

====================================================

The pounding on the door in the early hours of Christmas morning elicited a low, protesting groan from Todd.

“It’s Christmas! It’s Christmas!” Sam’s excited voice came through the door.

“Mom and Dad are sleeping,” Todd called back.

Jack’s wicked cackle was the response. “Now you know how I feel when you drag me out of bed for school.”

“Your kids are annoying,” Todd yawned at Blair.

“My kids, huh?”

He nestled against her. “Too early.”

“You wanted _six_ ,” she reminded him. Blair understood, though, two rounds of Christmas love-making in the night had left her feeling lazy and heavy. She would have been perfectly happy to remain in bed for a bit longer.

“Come _on_ ,” Jack pounded on the door again. “We’re waiting on you guys!”

“Is Starr here yet?” Blair asked.

“Starr! Mom and Dad want to know if you’re here!”

“Hurry up!” Starr’s voice bellowed from downstairs.

“Damn that girl is loud,” Todd grunted. He lay quiet for a moment then forced himself to sit up. “All right! Just a sec!” He groped for his pants and found Blair’s robe to toss at her. “My first Christmas home,” he smiled in spite of the exhaustion. “It’s a good thing, don’t you think?”

“A very good thing,” Blair was still a little bleary but went about finding something to wear.

The moment they opened the door, the boys tore down the stairs to inspect their presents and Starr released Hope from her stranglehold allow her the same. The kids sifted through presents and started handing them out as Starr started the coffee maker. Wrapping paper was torn and tossed, exclamations of delight over the gifts, jokes and teasing remarks thrown back and forth, it was the chaos of Christmas morning and Blair nestled against Todd to sit back and enjoy it all.

Five months ago he had returned. Five months ago, she had heard the words ‘I am.’ A chill ran down her spine and the very breath left her body as time seemed to stand still. She had turned and there he was… standing there, hands clasped before him as if it was the most normal set of circumstances in the world. Then again, Todd had always seemed to her as the eye of a hurricane. Chaos swirled around him constantly and he was usually the cause but he remained that calm within the storm that he started.

And she had felt herself careening out of control. Or perhaps it was that she only realized just how much she had been spinning within that hurricane. Seeing him made her realize that her equilibrium had been off for years. When he kissed her, time stopped again and all that mattered in the world was him and her. And when he let go she was flung out again, spinning as she looked at the ruins her life had become during his missing years. It took time to regain her balance and when she finally reached out and grabbed his hand, he pulled her out of the storm and everything made sense again.

She was herself again. Only Todd had ever let her be herself.

The kids were exclaiming with excitement over the gifts. Jack had a new gaming computer as well as games; Sam also had a new console with games and the boys were already talking about trading back and forth and spending all day gaming. Blair knew that rules had to be set but she let them enjoy it all unfettered at the moment. Starr was exclaiming over the beautiful chain that Blair had designed, one for her and one for Hope. She hadn’t seen her mother’s jewelry creations except on paper and she was amazed by it all.

 _This_ , Blair thought, _is happiness_. 

“I’ve got something for you,” she said softly to Todd. She got up off the couch and pulled a small box from under the tree before sitting back down and presenting it to him.

Todd knew it was jewelry. The size of the box and his personal request at her birthday to make his ring led him down that path very easily. He opened it to see two rings.

“Our wedding set,” she smiled.

Todd examined them. The one meant for him was black titanium rimmed with thin platinum bands. A small red ruby was set in the titanium band and a beautiful, delicate, ruby colored etching wrapped around the same band. The platinum bands were untouched by gem or etching.

Blair’s wedding band was also platinum and also had the delicate, ruby colored scrollwork.

On the inside of both was inscribed: Home.

“I really had to think…” Blair explained after she gave Todd a moment to study the rings. “How do you break us down into a word or two that can fit inside of a ring? It wasn’t easy. I came up with all sorts of phrases… ‘Happily Ever After’ ‘Ever After’ ‘Always’ ‘Forever’ Blah blah blah…” she shook her head. “None of them fit.”

He nodded.

“As for the ring…” she took it from him. “I wanted it to be different. You’re different. You’re bold and strong and, in some ways, uncomplicated.” She traced the bands as she spoke. “But, also, you’re beautiful,” her fingers touched the scrollwork. “And sensitive. And also _very_ complicated… and I happen to think that red goes very well with gold.” She held it against her engagement ring. “Don’t you agree?”

Todd closed his hand over hers. “Yes.”

Blair shook her head. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t put ‘Unforgettable’ in the rings. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it!”

Todd laughed loud at that.

“When it comes down to it,” she continued. “You are home to me like I am to you. We’ve always found our way back to each other because we know that this is where we ultimately belong.”

“Looks like something a vampire would wear,” Jack piped up. “All black and red…”

“Well, that’s what some people think we are,” Todd shrugged. “I love it. No one else is going to be wearing a wedding ring like this.” He kissed Blair. “Thanks, babe. And I’ve got something for you to kind of go with our wedding theme.”

“Oh really?” Her eyes lit up as they always did when it came to presents.

He gave her a big manila envelope.

She laughed. “Well, I don’t think it’s a building this time… and I don’t think you’ve got another business for me… but I do wonder how many presents you’re going to come up with that you don’t have to wrap.”

“Not in my skill set,” he said with a grin.

Blair opened the envelope and let out a delighted squeal. Todd hadn’t bothered to play coy. The first page had ‘HONEYMOON ITINERARY’ printed in large letters. As Blair read over it, she leaned over and kissed Todd intermittently. “This is the honeymoon you promised me…”

“It is,” he nodded, pointing out their spots. “You’ve never gotten a honeymoon from me and it’s about time I let you have one.”

“That’s a good point,” she leaned against him. “London and Paris… a week in both places… oh, Todd.” She sighed happily and Todd gave her a squeeze with one arm.

“We could probably honeymoon for a month and it wouldn’t make up for the ones we lost…”

“This is wonderful,” she sighed. “I love it. I love you.”

“Love you, too, babe.”

Jack sent a look in Starr’s direction and rolled his eyes. “So… this is how it’s going to be huh?”

Starr grinned. “Get used to it, brat.”

“You’re one to talk, shrimp.”

“Put a movie on, kids,” Blair said with quiet authority.

They spent the rest of the day at home. The kids eventually called their friends to talk about what they got for Christmas and make plans for getting together after the holidays. When ‘Christina Comes Home for Christmas’ came on one of the channels, Blair and Todd settled on the couch to watch. As Blair fell asleep on his chest, Todd played with her hair and marvelled at his life.

This wasn’t a dream. He’d never dream something this wonderful. He’d dreamed before and it had always gone wrong. And it had always been too easy. This had required work and patience and earning his place again… at doing what he could to heal Blair’s wounds, create a relationship with his son, reconnect with his daughter and fall in love with a little boy that wasn’t his but showed him that didn’t matter at all.

“Look at what we did, Blair,” he whispered. “How did we do this?”

She snuggled against him with a sigh and Todd laid his head back on the arm of the couch.

He was truly home.


	78. Epilogue - Scenes from a Wedding

“How did you find this place, Todd?”

“Blair found it,” Todd checked himself on the mirror to see that his hair looked good. It did. “She went looking for places outside of Llanview but not too far… little places where our little wedding could house everyone and then carry on the next day.”

“It’s lovely,” Viki smiled. “The view of the river is beautiful.”

“Yeah,” he replied casually. He and Blair had arrived the night before and spent their pre-wedding night together in the room she was currently getting ready in. After the wedding and reception, they would retire to the suite called ‘The Boat House’ and spend their last first night together as husband and wife. The rest of the inn was reserved for the small group of people who were attending the ceremony.

Blair had been very meticulous about it all. Neither one of them had many friends so they kept this to family only and even with that, only Jessica and Viki and Joey were on Todd’s side of the family. And Joey was more Kelly’s date than there for Todd anyway.

“You look very handsome,” Viki said kindly. His suit was tailored perfectly. His tie was a rich ruby color and the vest he wore was a red and gold brocade.

“Thanks,” Todd squirmed a bit at the compliment. “Look… it means a lot that you came.”

“Where else would I be?” Viki smiled. “Tina would have been here, too, but she and Cord are visiting Max in Argentina.”

“Yeah, I’m fine with that.” Todd’s relationship with Tina was still prickly and she wasn’t any kind of fan of Blair. He just didn’t have any patience for that when it came to their wedding. It was bad enough that Dorian and David were here but Dorian had been extremely well behaved on that front.

He was wondering how long she’d last.

“David’s been making noise about performing the ceremony,” Viki continued with a mischievous glint in her eye. “He seems quite hurt that he wasn’t asked.”

Todd fixed Viki with a stern glare. “He’s not _my_ long lost son, Viki. I have no obligations to that parasite.”

Her eyebrows lifted. “Strong words.”

“They’re earned,” he gave his sister a look. “And since when did you become so concerned with Vickers?”

“We’ve come to a sort of understanding over the years.”

Todd eyed her very pointedly. “You didn’t sleep with him, did you?”

“No!” Viki looked horrified. “Honestly, Todd!”

“He’s a gigolo!” Todd reminded her.

“I can’t deny, however,” Viki admitted. “That when he was staying with me, he would do yoga on the back patio in very small, very tight shorts and the view was not… unpleasant.”

“Okay, you’re going to have to leave,” Todd pointed towards the door. “This is my wedding and I don’t need you standing here talking about Vickers like he’s… remotely enjoyable… and making me sick!”

Viki laughed merrily. “I won’t say another word about David.”

Todd heaved a sigh and went to the window to look out over the river. February wasn’t exactly a prime month for beautiful views. The river itself was a brownish grey that fit well with the stark empty trees. Some pines dotted the landscape to offer some greenery but even that seemed half-hearted. The sky was overcast and dingy as well. All in all, it didn’t look like a day anyone would choose for a wedding.

 _We make our own rules_.

“Are you nervous?” Viki asked.

“What?” He turned to look over his shoulder at his sister. “Of course not.”

“I don’t think anyone would blame you if you were.”

“I would never be nervous about marrying Blair,” he said softly. “This is finally putting everything the way it should be. I’m anxious… I’m impatient… I don’t like it when I’m not married to Blair.”

Viki came to stand next to him. She rested a hand on his arm. “It’s not like you haven’t been living together, being a family since you’ve come home.”

“I like the ring on my finger,” Todd explained. “I like looking down and seeing it and knowing that I belong to someone and she belongs to me. I mean, of course we belong together and not being married has never changed that but… I guess I’m old-fashioned or something.”

“Mm,” Viki sounded amused. “I don’t know if I would call it that but I suppose given the life you’ve led that a traditional streak runs through in regards to some things.”

“Well,” Todd grinned. “My wanting a ring on Blair’s finger might be the _only_ traditional thing that goes on in this wedding.”

“What does that mean?”

Todd’s smiled broadened. “You’ll see.”

======================================

“Dorian, if you suggest David as a co-officiant one more time…” Blair said, pinching her nose between her eyes in an effort to remain calm.

“Mother, will you please knock it the hell off?” Cassie barked, marching over to Blair and waving a vial of essential oil under her nose in an effort to ward off stress. “This is not your wedding. You have no say in it and if you want to be _present_ for it, you’ll stop trying to force David into it. Why on earth would Blair want him to be the officiant?”

“David’s family,” Dorian insisted.

“You be very careful about waving the ‘family’ flag around,” Blair warned. “Because when I use it on you, you will be _extremely_ unhappy about it.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Yes!”

Dorian tossed her head and sat down. “It was merely a suggestion,” she said lightly.

It was the only concession she was likely to offer. Blair and Cassie exchanged glances before setting to work on Blair’s makeup again.

Addie sat down next to Dorian and gave her a knowing look.

Dorian reached forward and squeezed her older sister’s hand with a gentle smile. It was difficult to get used to in a lot of ways, Dorian was so used to handling things on her own, but seeing Addie capable of participating in the world again was a beautiful thing.

“My girl likes to handle things her own way,” Addie said softly. “I imagine that independence came at a cost. It often does… your strength came at a cost as well.”

“Oh, Addie…” Dorian didn’t like to think about those days.

“But look at you,” Addie continued. “A senator! I think that, if you had wanted it, you would have been the first woman president.”

Dorian smiled. “Too many rules to live by…”

Addie nodded. “I know you don’t like Todd, Dorrie, and I know he’s done a lot of terrible things but look at her… she’s so happy.”

“At what cost?”

Addie was silent for a moment. “Everything has a cost. Todd has crossed lines before and Blair has walked away from him. He learned lessons, he learns how to deal with things, how to treat her better, how to respect her… you have to have some faith in Blair. It’s more important to show her that you are on her side.”

“I’m always on her side, Addie.”

Addie shook her head. “No. You’re on _your_ side. Being on Blair’s side means you accept her decisions even if you don’t agree with them and if things turn bad, you’re there to support her rather than saying ‘I told you so’ because _she’s_ what matters.”

Dorian didn’t reply. She sat with her sister and looked at Blair as she put her gown on. She looked beautiful. She looked incandescent with happiness. Her halter style dress reached to the floor, the bodice in red embroidered with gold melting into a gold skirt. It was unorthodox, certainly, but Blair had scoffed at the very idea of pretending to wear white or anything white adjacent. “Todd and I have a grandchild… we’re not fooling anyone.”

Addie smiled at her daughter and looked at Dorian again. “Sometimes, the hardest thing about loving someone is letting go. I think that was very hard for Blair to do with me. She took care of me for so long and I know it was a hard decision for her to even try the protocol that might allow me to come out as myself again. And when I did… she let me explore the world I’d been separated from for so long even though she was afraid to.”

“I know you’re making a point about me.”

“Dorrie, you like to control things, you think that’s the only way to protect the things and people you love. You think if you put them in a box then no one can get to them and it just doesn’t work that way. You must allow life to take place as it will. Blair is going to be with Todd. She’s going to be happy and she’s going to be sad and they will fight and make up but they are going to be together.” Addie’s smile widened. “I suspect you know that better than anyone… that’s why it’s so frustrating for you.”

It was a miracle that they had Addie back after so many years. It wasn’t easy to remember that Addie knew what was what, that there had been a part of her present for all those years but unable to get out of the mess that their mother had caused so long ago. “Blair does look beautiful, doesn’t she?”

Addie nodded, proud of her daughter. “Beautiful and strong and brave… I think you were a great influence on her Dorrie.”

“Oh,” Dorian scoffed playfully. She knew when she was being buttered up but she appreciated it all the same.

====================================

The time for the wedding drew ever closer and the guests took their seat. Starr sat keeping Hope occupied. It was a strange thing, indeed, to be sitting down waiting for the event to begin rather than being right in the thick of it. Not just strange but a little off-putting.

“You’re sulking,” Jack hissed as he sat next to her. Sam sat with him as did two of Jack’s friends that their parents had allowed to come so Jack would have someone his age to hang out with. “And where’s Travis?”

“In the bathroom,” she replied, “and I’m not sulking.”

“Sure you are,” Jack said cheerfully. “Mom and Dad are getting married and you didn’t arrange it and you’re not up there running it. Hey, I’ve got an idea… maybe you and Uncle David can arm wrestle over who should be the one officiating this thing.”

Starr scowled. “I’m not David,” she insisted.

“Good thing,” Travis remarked as he joined her. “What’s the problem?”

“She’s sulking because she’s not right in the thick of it all the way she was when she was five or whatever,” Jack supplied.

“Be quite nice to sit back and watch for a change, though,” Jack’s friend England put in.

“My sister has a long history of meddling and scheming to get our parents together,” Jack explained. “A long, _tiresome_ , history.”

“Well, if you knew what they were like then you’d understand,” Starr sniffed. “They were stubborn and stupid and they needed me to push them together.”

“They’re _still_ stupid and stubborn,” Jack opined, “but at least they don’t need a six year old to tell them they belong together. You were always too involved in their relationship anyway.”

“Different times,” Starr sighed.

“Well, it’s not like everyone doesn’t know that your parents are into each other the way most parents are _not_ ,” Tyler joined in the conversation. “But they’ve also been through a lot more than most… at least they’ve got the together part figured out, right?”

“One can only hope,” Starr shrugged.

Jack barked out a laugh. “Now you sound like Aunt Dorian.”

Starr elbowed him.

“What’s really bothering you?” Travis murmured softly as Jack turned his attention to his friends. Sam was miming dramatically to Bree so he wasn’t paying attention.

“Oh… Jack’s right…” Starr groused, furious to have to admit to such a thing. “Whenever my parents got married I’ve always been in the thick of things and now… I’m relegated to _onlooker_.”

Travis laughed at that, putting an arm around Starr’s shoulders and squeezing her against him. “Ms. Drama Queen,” he teased. “Ms. All-About-Me. My advice? Maybe, just maybe, you should let today be about _them_ and not you.”

“God,” Starr let her head fall back against him arm. “I _do_ sound like Aunt Dorian. Okay, okay,” she straightened up. “Message received. I’m fine. I’m _fine_.”

===========================================

“Hey babe,” Todd smiled as Blair joined him in the foyer outside the room their nuptials were to take place.

“Hey yourself,” she replied.

“You look gorgeous,” he breathed, taking her in. Red and gold looked good on her. She had flowers in her hair and was, in his opinion, as beautiful a bride as there ever could be.

“So do you,” she nodded as she gave him a thorough once over. “How lucky for me that my moneybags husband is hot, too?”

“Marrying me for my money?” He sighed plaintively. “So shallow…”

She stepped up to him and took his hands in hers. “Which shallow reason would you prefer? The money? The good looks? The big dick?”

Todd barked out a laugh. “I guess I really am the whole package, aren’t I?”

She giggled as she looked at him. Her eyes glittered brilliantly and there was a definite glow about her. “I am so happy.”

“Me too,” he nodded. “So,” he jerked his head towards the door. “Shall we get to it then?”

“I think we should.”

They walked down the aisle together, hand in hand, as all turned to watch their process. Starr’s resentments immediately dissolved as she watched her beloved parents bathed in such perfect happiness. Instead of being too close, she could sit back and admire them and let them have their moment together. She supposed that was the whole point. The usual traditions didn’t mean much to a couple who had been down this road so many times before. This was about them, who they were now and what they had been through to get to this point.

Jack felt himself smile. It had taken some doing but that was his Mom and that was his Dad and they were taking the last step to make it all official once and for all. Sam, next to him, had been adopted a month previous. They’d made the decision to not force Sam to wait for them. They were all Mannings and this last moment was for his mother to take the name one last time. Jack didn’t have a lot of wedding attendances under his belt but he certainly felt that any other would have a hard time living up to this one.

The wedding itself was brief. No frills added; no special vows spoken; having gone through this several times before, Todd and Blair agreed that the simplest of ceremonies was all that was necessary. Todd had once called Blair his ‘past, present and future’ wife and in many ways he felt he’d never truly parted from her despite what the road behind them actually suggested. Andrew Carpenter had been specifically requested as he was the one who had presided over weddings before. Neither participant in the wedding felt any significant religious leaning and they’d gone through the words of the ceremony together, parsing it down to its minimum requirements.

All they needed and all they wanted to was to ask their closest to be present as they made it official for what both knew would be the final time. Indeed, to those who attended, all was made clear simply by the way Todd and Blair looked at each other through the ceremony. Their gazes never wavered from the other and from the moment they entered the hall to the moment they put the rings on their fingers to the moment they kissed to seal the deal little more was needed to show the depth of their feelings.

The reception, held at the inn’s dining room, was intimate. With so many members of the party having known each other for so long, intertwined as they were, there was little fear that people wouldn’t be able to find things to talk about. Todd led Blair to the dance floor to the strains of ‘Unforgettable’ a choice that Blair laughed at.

“So sappy,” she said as he pulled her into his arms.

He shrugged. “I don’t mind being a sap every now and then. This song is the first time I ever looked at you. That means something to me.”

Blair was one who had to temper her sentimentality her whole life and one of the things that had cemented her relationship with Todd was that he had little use for it himself. That being said, he had allowed her to feel sentimental, he had given her a safe place to let her heart lead to places that weren’t so dangerous and she had done the same for him. “Oh, all right,” she leaned against him.

“You can play at being above it all you want,” Todd said with a smile. “You’re the one who dug this thing out of the mothballs and sang it to me in front of everyone at Rodi’s remember?”

“Damn you and your memory sometimes,” but there wasn’t a shred of reproach from Blair. She was too happy and she loved that he remembered all of those little things. She could pretend not to love this song that made her turn and look at the love of her life for the first time but, just like him, she would always know what it meant to them.

“How long do we have to stay at this party before we can start our honeymoon already?”

Blair’s laugh was rich and unfettered. “And we didn’t even stay apart last night, you insatiable man!”

“That was _your_ idea,” Todd reminded her. “If I recall, in all of this planning you basically threw out every tradition known to man and swore to the heavens that this was going to be _our_ wedding come hell or high water. And then you chose a place right on the river… are you preparing for high water?”

“I always expect stormy seas with you, lover,” she murmured as the song came to an end. 

They turned to the family members in attendance and Todd spoke up. “We want to thank you all for coming. We know that a wedding between the two of us isn’t exactly a novelty but we do intend for this to be the last so we did want the people we love, who love us, to be here and share it with us.”

“It means everything to us,” Blair continued. “Todd and I didn’t have the best time of it growing up and family means a great deal to two people who didn’t know they even _had_ family, _real_ family, until they were well into their twenties. And now we have a family of our own, a beautiful daughter, two wonderful sons, a handful of a grand-daughter… it’s really more than either one of us ever expected all those years ago. So thank you for being here and sharing this with us… and if you don’t mind…”

“If you don’t mind,” Todd took over again. “I am going to take my wife and have our own little wedding celebration.” He tossed a wave at the assembled guests and tucked Blair’s hand in the crook of his arm leading her out of the room.

The Boat House was in a separate building from where the wedding and reception was and the river location combined with the cold weather left a heavy mist in the evening. Todd took Blair’s hand and they ran down the path to their room. As he pulled her inside, he rubbed his hands over her bare shoulders. “Cold?”

“Yes,” she replied breathlessly, “but I’m not worried. I think I can count on my husband to warm me up.”

There was a fire going in the fireplace and they had champagne and various delicacies at their disposal. The room had a rustic cottage look to it but Todd barely noticed. He had eyes only for his bride.

She was beaming at him. “How do you feel?”

“That same,” he murmured. “Only happier.” He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her ardently. The champagne and such could wait. He wanted his wife.

What was it about removing wedding attire that made it so much more erotic? Todd didn’t know but as they undressed each other, taking the time to touch and stroke and kiss throughout, he felt both the weight of the moment and a lightness of being that made it all seem that much more meaningful. Their bodies could not fit together more perfectly, their movements could not be more in synch, their union could not be more satisfying.

The lovemaking was tender, yet fierce, a lifetime of loving and yearning and coming together over and over seemed to be behind every touch, every stroke, every whisper and breath. When they lay together at last, bodies cooling yet still needing to be as close as possible, Todd looked at Blair in the firelight.

“There’s only one thing to say after something like that,” he touched her lips with his fingertip.

“Mm?” She looked at him questioningly.

“I love you, Blair Manning.”

Her smile was gentle and her eyes lit up. “I love you, Todd Manning. Always have, always will.”

He kissed her again, holding her tight in his arms. Their future stretched out before them with all the possibilities that it held but he was certain of one thing; they would be together.


End file.
